(This episode mostly takes place in a movie theater shaped like the Sphinx)
Lawrence: Ooh, you know, kids, this theater was built over 70 years ago in this Neo-Egyptian style. (He buys the tickets and they walk inside) And apparently, there used to be a pharaoh's tomb display with a mummy in a sarcophagus. I mean, you couldn't pick a better place to watch a classic, old mummy movie.
(Inside, They watch the movie entitled "Bones of Doom" with the other audience.)
Explorer: (In movie) There's an inscription here. An... an incantation of some sort. "Owah Tagu Siam!"
(The mummy wakes up at the sound of these words, looking straight at the audience. Phineas and Ferb stare back)
Phineas: (turns to his dad) Dad, where do you find a mummy?
Lawrence: Hidden deep in the bowels of the pyramids. (Phone rings) Whoops, better put this on vibrate.
(The mummy is now standing right behind the explorer, poised and ready to pounce)
Explorer: (In movie) The incantation will make the mummy come to life and obey your commands. Well, beat me with a chicken. (The mummy starts beating him with a chicken) Ow! What?! Ooh! Hey! Stop! It's an--ow! Hey!
Phineas: Cool! Dad, is it hard to get into a pyramid?
Lawrence: Yes, indeed. Often you had to negotiate many booby traps that were set centuries before.
(In the movie, the mummy has just stepped on a small rock, apparently a trigger for a booby trap)
Explorer: (In movie) You ridiculous mummy. You just tripped one of your own booby traps. (There is a rumbling noise, and rocks begin to fall on the explorer and the mummy) She's gonna blow!
(They run for the exit, barely getting out in time)
Phineas: Awesome booby trap! (at Ferb) Ferb, we should get our own mummy.
(Song: "My Undead Mummy")
♪ Ba da ba ba da bah ♪
♪ Let me tell you 'bout my buddy, he's 3,000 years old ♪
♪ He's wrapped in bandages and covered in moldy debris ♪
♪ My undead mummy and me ♪
♪ Mm-mm ♪
♪ If a bully ever tries to poke me in the eye ♪
♪ I'll introduce him to my decomposing guy and he'll flee ♪
(Buford screams)
♪ From my undead mummy and me ♪
(Nose blowing)
♪ All the kids at school are gonna have a conniption ♪
♪ When they get a load of my funky Egyptian emcee ♪
(Record scratch)
♪ My undead mummy and me ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Undead mummy and me ♪
Phineas: That would be awesome! (At Lawrence) Dad, can we-- (Lawrence is snoring; to Ferb) Come on, Ferb. We'll be back before he wakes up.
Candace: Oh, those bozos aren't pulling anything on my watch! (Candace follows them, only to get caught between the doors)
Phineas: Hey, Ferb. Where's Perry?
(Agent P enters a secret entrance and takes a vehicle; Major Monogram appears on the screen)
Major Monogram: Good morning, Agent P. Doofenshmirtz is at it again. It appears that he's purchased a string of odd items: One pound of blood sausage- Ech, that's my grocery list. Here it is. One magnet, one map of the city's drainage pipes and 2 tons of scrap metal. It's in your hands now, Agent P. Over and out.
♪ Doo be doo be doo ba, doo be doo be doo ba ♪
♪ Doo be doo be doo ba... ♪
(Perry dives out of the vehicle and into a submarine)
Computer voice: Dive. Dive. Dive.
(The submarine dives less than a foot into the water which wasn't very deep; yet he continues onward)
(At the theater's lobby...)
Phineas: Mr. Employee, sir, where's the mummy exhibit?
Employee: (Presses button) Manager assistance requested.
Employee #2: Yes?
Employee: These boys want to know where the mummy exhibit is.
Employee #2: It's in storage. In the basement.
Phineas: Guess who's goin' to the basement!
Woman: Uh, excuse me, where are the restrooms?
Employee: Manager assistance requested.
Employee #2: Yes?
(Candace is peeking out from behind a plant)
Candace: There they go.
(The boys open the door to find...)
Phineas: Look! Pith helmets! We might be going the right way. Say something pithy.
Candace: That's it. I'm calling Dad.
(At the movie, Lawrence's cell phone vibrates)
Lawrence: (Laughs) Ohh!
(Back to Candace)
Candace: Oh, forget it! I'm going in myself. (knocks over a series of posts, which strike a gumball machine and cause the gumball container to come loose and roll after her. Candace enters the stairwell and steps in a mop bucket with wheels that's full of water and goes down the stairs)
Phineas: Did you hear that? Maybe it's the mummy.
Candace: (lands at the bottom of the stairway) Eww. My shoe is all squishy!
(The gumball container rolls toward the door, down the stairs and towards the boys. Ferb immediately gets on Phineas' shoulders)
Phineas: Uh, Ferb? What are you doing? (Ferb extends his arms out an grabs a pipe and they land on the gumball container) Woah! Who knew looking for mummies would be so much fun? Watch this! (They then do some tricks before ramming above the door) Ugh! (They land and watch the gumball container roll away) Hey, Ferb, this was our first booby trap! Woo! Hey, look! The storage! We're here!
(Back to Candace)
Candace: Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, when I catch them...
(She sees the gumball container coming and runs for it; she tries to go over the gumball container, but the pipe breaks, causing her to stare at the camera bemusedly; she tries again, but she lands in the overhead duct and comes out beat up) Oh, give me a break! (The gumball container then rolls past her, up the stairs and into the elevator; Candace sees this and walks away and gets into an elevator)
(Song: I'm Lindana and I Wanna Have Fun! elevator music)
(Candace sees the gumball container in the elevator and runs out with the gumball in pursuit; she tries a couple of storage doors, but they're locked. Eventually the gumball container breaks and she rolls into a supplies closet)
Candace: Bubble gum? Oh, really old, stale bubble gum! Blaugh! (she inadvertently gets some butter and toilet paper on her and she walks out looking like a mummy) Phineas!
(At the dam, Doofenshmirtz is working on an inator; Perry surfaces)
Doofenshmirtz: Almost done, just this one more little bit! (Perry appears and kicks the paintbrush out of Doof's hand) Perry the Platypus! As usual, your timing is incredible! And by "Incredible", of course I mean: COMPLETELY CREDIBLE! (Laser fires trapping Perry in a ball) No use, Perry the Platypus! I made this out of something that cannot be penetrated! Pure evil! And a blend of space-age polymers. You see, Perry the Platypus, I'm going to unleash the water held by this dam into that huge drainage pipe that leads directly to the ocean. The additional water will raise the sea level by 2%, and then my property one block from the shoreline will become beachfront property! (Laughs maniacally) And to release the water from the dam, I've invented a ray, which attracts wood like it attracts metal: The Wood-inator! Which was almost complete until you rudely interrupted me. Oh, look at this, Perry. It's my paintbrush. You know, the one you knocked out of my hand a few moments ago. Maybe you want to take it back from me now, huh? Huh, you want to try? (Laughs) Goodbye, Perry the Platypus! (pushes Perry into the river)
(Cut back to the boys; they go in and approach a fake mummy)
Phineas: Owah Tagu Siam! (Phineas grabs the fake mummy and inadvertently pops it) There's nothing here but fakey promotional lobby junk. For all we know, there might not be such thing as a mummy. (At Mummy Candace) Yeah, I'll be right with you. I mean-- (Gasps)
Candace: Phineas!
Phineas: (Screams; Slams door)
(Egyptian Guitar Solo)
[They evade Candace at different points of the room; finally they hide inside a Safari Man 2 in 3D stand-up display]
Phineas: Wow, I didn't expect them to be so scary. I mean, can you imagine the angry, twisted soul hidden under those bandages?
Candace: Phineas!
Phineas: Makes me shudder. But you know what? We came down here looking for a mummy, and I'm not leaving without one. Let's get him! (Egyptian Guitar Solo continues while the boys try to catch Candace; finally they catch her by enclosing her in a wooden Egyptian coffin.) Hey, Ferb. We got our own mummy! Now, how are we going to get it home?
(Cut back to Doofenshmirtz)
Doofenshmirtz: And... finished! (presses a button that picks up parts of the dam; one of the beavers sees Perry in the bubble. They chatter and the beaver takes a log and chews it down to a toothpick, but uses his own teeth to burst the bubble that has Perry trapped. They shake hands and slap tails and Perry runs back to the beaver dam)
♪ Perry! ♪
(Cut back to the Woodenator)
Doofenshmirtz:It is working! (laughs) It is functioning properly! (Perry chatters, getting his attention; he gasps) Perry the Platypus? You defeated my bubble of pure evil? Ooh! (he traps himself and Perry in a bubble and land in the river just as the dam falls apart) Oh, no! What? (Perry uses Doofenshmirtz's nose to pop the bubble and escapes) Is my nose really that pointy?
(The river rolls all the way into a pipe that leads to the theater; Perry leaps out just as the hallway starts to flood; cut to the boys)
Phineas: You know what this is? Our second booby trap! (Water splashing; drifting the boys off with the coffin and Perry) There you are, Perry. (Perry chatters; they then go down a rapid) WOO-HOO-HOO! OH YEAH! (they then go up the rapid) WOO-HOO! (They burst through the roof) OH YEAH! (they land near the car; at Candace) Hey, Candace, you missed all the fun. Allow me to introduce our mummy. (realizes the "mummy" isn't there) Hey, where's our mummy? Mummy? Mummy?
Lawrence: Well, Mummy has supper waiting for us at home. (at Candace) Candace, why are you all wet?
Candace: (Growls)
(In the car)
Ferb: You know, mummies had their brains pulled out through their nose.
Candace: (Scoffs) The lucky ones.
End Credits[]
(Song: "My Undead Mummy")
♪ Let me tell you 'bout my buddy, he's 3,000 years old ♪
♪ He's wrapped in bandages and covered in moldy debris ♪
♪ My undead mummy and me ♪
♪ Mm-mm ♪
♪ All the kids at school are gonna have a conniption ♪
♪ When they get a load of my funky Egyptian emcee... ♪
(Record scratch)
♪ My undead mummy and me ♪
♪ Yeah... ♪
♪ Undead mummy and me ♪
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