(Song: Flawless Girl)
♪ You know you want to be her ♪
♪ She's a Flawless Girl (Flawless Girl) ♪
♪ All the boys say when they meet her ♪
♪ She's a Flawless Girl (Flawless Girl) ♪
♪ She's at the forefront of every trend ♪
♪ Never less than 5 foot 10 ♪
♪ And if you use our products, then ♪
♪ You can be a Flawless Girl ♪
♪ A Flawless Girl ♪
Announcer: Flawless Girl. Because nobody's perfect without using our cosmetics.
Candace: (Scoffs) I'd be so lost without Flawless Girl giving me some pointers on how to look.
Stacy: Hey, look! (Flips the magazine) It says here that Flawless Girl founder, Blanca Dishon, will be at the Mid-Summer's Festival in search of the next Flawless Girl spokes-model.
Candace: Maybe I should sign up. (Laughs) Just out of curiosity, when is the Mid-Summer's Festival?
Stacy: Probably in the middle of summer...which is about now!
(Scene cut to the street by the Flynn-Fletcher house, where Mid-Summer's Festival trucks drive by and then to Phineas and Ferb watching them)
Phineas: Oh, what do you know, it must be the middle of summer. (Beeping sound) It's the Baljeet Signal!
(Phineas and Ferb duck, and Baljeet's hologram appears on Phineas' device)
Baljeet: Phineas and Ferb, days ago, you helped me build a portal to Mars. Now, I beg you to help me win the Biggest Watermelon Contest at the festival. Help me, Phineas and Ferb. You're my only hope! (Looks around and then shuts off his hologram)
Phineas: Ferb, grab that Jr. Chemistry Set you got for Bastille Day. We're going to the festival. Hey, where's Perry?
(Scene cut to Perry, who landed on his lair's chair with a lot of water and koi)
Major Monogram: Oh, for crying out loud! Who put a secret entrance at the bottom of the neighbors' koi pond? Okay, look-look-look. To avoid a lawsuit, give the fish hats, and we'll make them agents, and uh... Ooh, right! Agent P, your mission. Um you, know, Doofenshmirtz! Go!
♪ (Perry)! ♪
(At the festival)
Phineas: Hey Baljeet, where's your watermelon?
Baljeet: Yeah, look at it! (Reveals a small watermelon) It mocks me, bringing shame to my family.
Phineas: Ferb, time for a little chemistry. (Ferb walks over to an empty spot, opens his Jr. Chemistry Set and reveals a large chemistry work area)
Baljeet: Hmm. Could I borrow Ferb sometime?
(Scene cut to Candace, who is walking through the festival)
Candace: Flawless Girl booth...where is it?
P. P. Otter: Hey you, girl! Don't you ever look in the mirror and end up feeling bad about yourself?
P. P. Otter: For just five dollars, you can feel good about yourself for no time!
Candace: Oh, I don't need that. I've got Flawless Girl cosmetics to make me feel good. (Walks through the festival and sees Phineas and Ferb, who are using the chemistry set)
Phineas: ...And bada bing bada boom, you've got your miracle growth elixir.
Candace: What are you guys up to?
Phineas: Hey Candace! We're gonna help Baljeet with the Biggest Watermelon Contest.
Candace: (Pointing to the watermelon) What's that, a cantaloupe?
Baljeet: (Giving himself a facepalm) Aww!
Phineas: Not for long. (Puts a drop of the growth elixir on the watermelon, and it hardly grows larger)
Candace: (Laughs) It worked! Your miracle growth elixir has turned you into giant nerds! (Walks away)
Baljeet: I will call my family and tell them to start putting up the shame curtains.
Phineas: No way! It hasn't taken full effect yet. You'll see.
Baljeet: Not through the shame curtains, I won't.
(Scene cut to the Flawless Girl booth)
Candace: You're Blanca Dishon! I'm Candace. I'm here to become your next Flawless Girl.
Blanca: Stand over by that sign, please. (Candace walks over to the sign and is too short) Hmm. Aren't you a little short to be the next Flawless Girl?
Blanca: Yes. Yes you are.
Candace: But I'm five-foot-eight!
Blanca: (Sigh) Look, it's right in our song. "At the forefront of every trend. Never less than five-foot-ten."
Candace: I thought you were just looking for a rhyme.
Blanca: Nobody is perfect. But you can come close by buying our full line of Flawless Girl skin care products. Next!
(Scene cut to Candace while she is on the phone with Linda, walking around)
Candace: (Sobs to Mom via phone) So I can never be perfect! No matter what I do, I'll always be two inches too ugly! I need a sudden growth spurt in the next fifteen minutes.
Linda: Oh, honey, it's not bad.
Candace: (Gasp) I got it! Thanks, Mom!
Linda: Uh, you're welcome!
(Scene cut to Phineas, Ferb, and Baljeet with the chemistry set)
Baljeet: All this waiting is maddening. Maybe we should put some more growth elixir on it?
Phineas: Actually, it only works once. Putting more on it won't make it grow anymore. (Candace secretly steals the growth elixir) But be patient. It's not done yet.
Candace: (Laughs and pours the growth elixir on herself to grow two inches) Yes, it worked! I feel great! If that, I feel flawless!
(Scene cut to Flawless Girl booth)
Blanca: It's amazing! Your height is now perfect! You're now in the running to become the next Flawless Girl.
(Scene cut to Phineas, Ferb, and Baljeet)
Baljeet: So... are there Fireside Boys, too? (The watermelon starts to grow to an enormous size)
Phineas: Run! (The watermelon destroys the chemistry set)
Baljeet: I am going to need a crane! ...And a new pair of pants.
(Scene cut to Candace and Stacy)
Stacy: There you are! So what happened?
Candace: I'm in! Auditions start in two hours! (giggles)
Stacy: Hey, is there something different about you?
Candace: Who knows? Maybe I've grown out of my awkward phase. (Suddenly, her nose begins to grow)
Stacy: Looks like you're growing into another one.
Candace: Oh, no! I have to find a mirror!
(Candace zips out of the frame and goes into the House of Mirrors.)
(Scene shifts to inside the House of Mirrors. We see Candace's reflection, which seems to be normal.)
Candace: Oh thank goodness! I look totally normal. Oof!
(Stacy comes in with her reflection looking like she has a small head and a fat body.)
Stacy: Are you okay, Candace?
Candace: Wait a second. If you look like that, wha-wha-wha— (cut to reveal Candace's giant head) I've turned into Bobblehead Candace!!! (runs out) AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!
(Scene shifts to the P.P. Otter on the phone with someone)
P.P. Otter: No one will forego the five dollars to see my pathetic oddballs anymore. I gotta find some new talent fast.
(Cut to Candace who is now wagging her giant tongue and finding a place to hide)
P.P. Otter: I'm gonna have to call you back, Nana.
(Scene shifts to inside a tent where Bobblehead Candace is hiding)
Candace: Phineas and Ferb! (gasps) They did this to me they can undo it! (her body finally grows to the size of her head) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!
(Scene shifts to outside the tent. Candace tries to sneak away. She pops her head out once to see if the coast is clear before continuing to sneak out. Cut to Phineas and Ferb.)
Candace: (offscreen) Pssst! Phineas!
Phineas: Yes, strange talking tent?
Candace: No, it's me, Candace!
Phineas: That's what happened to the growth elixir.
Candace: Please tell me you have some sort of shrinking antidote!
Phineas: No, but don't worry. We'll get right on it.
Candace: Someone's coming! (she sticks her head back into the tent)
P.P. Otter: Hello, boys. The name's P.P. Otter. I run the Oddball Show. Aren't you gonna introduce me to your friend in the tent?
Phineas: Oh, that's our sister. Our... (stifles laughter) big sister. (both Phineas and Ferb try to hold their laughter in while Candace growls) Okay, sorry. Candace, this is P.P. (Ferb giggles)
Candace: Yeah, we've met.
P.P. Otter: (taking out a business card) How would you like to make me rich beyond your wildest dreams?
Candace: Sorry, I'm kinda going through something at the moment.
P.P. Otter: Well, if ya change your mind, give me a call. (he leaves)
Candace: Okay, guys, you gotta change me back! The Flawless Girl auditions are in a couple of hours!
(Pan up to Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated, we faintly hear the jingle)
♪ Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated ♪
Doofenshmirtz: What the?! Oh, the festival's so loud I can't even hear my own evil jingle! (turns around) Okay, guys, (cut to reveal four singers in a recording booth) take it from the top, louder!
Singer 1: A-one, two...
The Slacks: ♪ Doofenshmirtz Evil Incor— ♪
(The jingle is interrupted by Perry who lands on a drumset.)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, what now?! (Perry dizzily emerges from behind the drums, playing a banjo off-key) A banjo-playing platypus? (Perry puts on his fedora) Perry the Banjo-Playing Platypus?!?! Uh, take five, guys. Not you, Perry the Platypus, if I can just have a word with you. (Perry walks into the engineer's station, where he immediately gets trapped) Ha ha ha! (the trapping device raises up to reveal Perry trapped in a baby carrier) It's a cute little trap, isn't it? I got the idea at my cousin Gertrude's baby shower. (Perry gives him a look) Don't judge me, men go to baby showers these days! It was fun. Presents, blindfolded diapering... I'm sorry, I-I'm off-topic, aren't I? It's this darn midsummer's festival! With the laughing and the music and the constant ringing on my bell to use the bathroom! (toilet flushes in the background) Well, I'm going to put an end it once and for all! You see, I have created a device to cover the entire midsummer's festival with the worst smell in the history of mankind! Dirty diapers! (Perry looks in terror) And, yeah, I got all that from a baby shower. How do you like me now, Perry the Judgapus?
(Scene shifts back to Giant Candace, Phineas and Ferb)
Candace: Can't you you just make up some kind of reducing cream? Or an amazing shrink ray device?
Phineas: Well, we'll see what we can do, but we're not magicians.
Candace: (sighs) I'm a freak! (cries) I'll never be a Flawless Girl! (Ferb takes out an umbrella to cover himself and his stepbrother from Candace's rain-like tears) There's only one place where a girl like me will fit in! The Oddball Show! It was nice knowing you boys! Tell Mom and Dad I love 'em! From now on, I'll be living amongst the carnies! (sobs and stomps away)
(Phineas gives Ferb a look)
P.P. Otter: Excellent! Now all we need is a big promotional stunt! Here's what I got in mind: in a reversal of a familiar theme, you can climb a skyscraper carrying me dressed in this gorilla suit. (He tears away his suit revealing a gorilla costume underneath)
Candace: Um...okay...How long have you been wearing that?
P.P. Otter: All day!
(Scene shifts back to D.E.I.)
Doofenshmirtz: So, Perry the Platypus, (Candace is seen out the window climbing up) I found a way to distill the smell of dirty diapers into a concentrated liquid form, (He shows Perry a beaker filled with blue liquid.) which I will spread throughout the festival using my Smellinator!
(Pan up to the top of the building. Giant Candace is now on top holding Otter in the gorilla suit.)
(Scene shifts to the Flawless Girl tent at the festival. Blanca is holding a crown standing next to two girls.)
Blanca: And ze next Flawless Girl is... (she looks up as the two girls gasp, cut to Candace, then cut back to Blanca) Oh, zat is ze most Flawless Girl I have ever seen!
(Cut back to Candace)
Candace: Is all this really necessary?
P.P. Otter: C'mon, kid, you can't back out now!
(Blanca appears on the balcony)
Blanca: Candace, I've got some great news!
Candace: I can't hear you! Oh, hold on!
(She holds out her giant palm to invite Blanca onto it and raises both her and Otter)
Blanca: I said, "I've got some great news!!" You are ze next Flawless Girl! Wiz your height, girls will never be able to live up to the expectations you'll set! They'll be forced to buy my product forever!
P.P. Otter: Scram! She's my oddball!
Blanca: No! My Flawless Girl!
P.P. Otter: She's a freak!
Blanca: She's freakishly beautiful!
Candace: Wait a second! I just realized something! You both make money off of people's natural insecurities. (to Otter) You show people oddballs so they'll feel better about themselves, (to Blanca) and you make beauty totally unobtainable so they'll feel worse about themselves! Look at me! I'm fifty feet tall now and it's still out of reach! Well, I've had it! Making beauty the focus of my life has distracted me from the real focus of my life: Busting my brothers. Giant Candace is out, PEACE! (She jumps off the building and lands on the ground with a thud)
P.P. Otter: (seeing a beaker behind him) Growth elixir? So this is what she used!
Blanca: (grabbing it) Let me see zat!
P.P. Otter: It's my growth elixir!
Blanca: No, it's mine!
P.P. Otter: Mine!
(The beaker falls out of both of their hands and falls)
(Cut to Perry and Doofenshmirtz)
Doofenshmirtz: Now watch as the smell of dirty diapers (the growth elixir lands in his hand) pollutes the very molecules that surround this building! I just snap it into place and set the range for, say, 200 yards around the building. (Perry struggles to get out of his trap) Hear that, Perry the Platypus? That is the sound of smell! Nothing can stop me now! (Some water pouring on him contradicts his statement. When the water stops, it is revealed that some aquatic agents have arrived. One of the fish untraps Perry, who kicks Doofenshmirtz onto the range selector.) Uh-oh. The whole universe? Not good.
(The Smellinator activates spreading the growth elixir throughout the whole universe. Wide shot of the Earth. Zoom out revealing the entire solar system. First the planets begins to grow. Then the Earth and the Moon grow.)
(Cut back to Danville, where giant Candace is running to bust her brothers, oblivious to the growing city under her.)
Candace: Mom! Mom!
(Scene shifts to inside the house where Linda is washing the dishes)
Candace: Look what Phineas and Ferb did to me! I'm fifty feet tall! I don't even fit in....the...house. (realizing) I'm back to normal!
Linda: "Normal" being a relative term.
(Scene shifts to Doofenshmirtz and Perry and one of the fish agents)
Doofenshmirtz: (sniffing) Well, doesn't smell any different. I wonder what went wrong. (Perry kicks Doofenshmitz who lands on the table carrying the dirty diaper smell beaker, which he catches) Oh, here's my stinky poo-poo stuff! I thought I put this in the Smellinator. (Perry kicks him again, throwing the formula away) NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
(Perry puts all the fish agents in a plastic bag and makes his escape)
♪ Agent P! ♪
(The smell surrounds the entire building)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, no! (coughs) That is.... What was I thinking?
(Scene shifts to Phineas, Ferb and Baljeet)
Phineas: So didja win the giant watermelon contest?
Baljeet: I was about to (showing the now tiny watermelon) when this happened!
Phineas: So the watermelon shrank?
Ferb: Well, either that or everything else in the universe just got bigger.
Baljeet: C'est la vie. Shame curtains are not going to hang themselves.