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Bee Day/Transcript

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(Scene opens with a banner reading "Bee Day" and a parade balloon shaped like a bee)

(Song: Bee Song)
Man: Where's that swarm? What's that drone?
Something's buzzing close to home.

Man and Woman: It's Bee Day,
And I'm feeling fine

Some citizens: They look for pollen wherever they roam,
Then regurgitate honey in a honeycomb.
It's Bee Day;
Come on, get in line!

All citizens: It's time to celebrate Bee Day!
They pollinate the flowers,
Bee Day!
They party in the hives.
Bee Day!

From time to time they sting us
And they pay for it with their lives...

Because it's Bee Day!

(Song abruptly ends; Jimmy looks at his mom)
Jimmy: Why do we always end on that weird B flat with an F sharp bass?
Jimmy's mother: It's tradition, Jimmy. We don't question it.
Jimmy: I mean it's not even in the key.

(Phineas, Ferb, Candace, Lawrence, and Perry are in the car with Linda driving)
Linda: So, did you all have fun at the Bee Day Festival's Opening Ceremony?
Lawrence: It was bee-wildering.
Phineas: Bee-utiful.
Lawrence: Bee-dazzling.
Phineas: Bee-yond.
Lawrence: Bee-guiling.
Candace: (stops reading a magazine) Ugghh!! Just bee quiet!
Linda: Oh Candace, bee-have. (giggles) What's so important anyway?
Candace: Oh nothing, just taking the what-kind-of-teenager-are-you-quiz to unlock my true teen identity!
Linda: Well, I'll just leave that to the professionals at the magazine. (drives past an inflatable wading pool) Oh, look at that, an inflatable wading pool. Oh, it's just like the one I used to play with Candace when she was little. Remember, hon?
Candace: Mmmm-hmm!
Phineas: Ferb, I know what we're going to do today... and I'll tell you after the wipe.
(the screen wipes to the backyard)
Phineas: We're making the ultimate inflatable wading pool for Mom. Hey, where's Perry?

(A door opens revealing Perry in a bee headband instead of his fedora)
Agent Bee!
(One of the singers clears her throat as Perry swaps his headband to his fedora)
P!
Major Monogram: Good morning, Agent P! We, ah, ah (sneezes) Sorry, I (coughs) My allergies are acting up. This whole Bee Day business is stirring up all the pollen in Danville. Anyway, Agent P, uh, Doof's been spotted gathering bee pheromones, which is not only disgusting but probably evil. To send you on your way, Carl actually came up with a bee-themed jetpack. It's right behind you. (a hatch opens behind Perry, holding a bee-themed jetpack) Carl! Where are those tissues?!
Carl: (hands a box of tissue) Here you go, sir.
(Perry wears the new jetpack and puts his bee headband onto his fedora)
Major Monogram: (off-screen) Single-ply, seriously?
Carl: (off-screen) We're on a budget, sir. (Perry flies away on the customized jetpack)

(At the Flynn-Fletcher house, in Candace's room)
Candace: (while talking on phone with Stacy) Okay, Stace, I'm done! Just tallying up the score.
Stacy: (in her room, talking to Candace on phone) So, how did you d- (Candace screams at the phone) Okay, wh- (Candace screams again) You done?
Candace: (from the phone) No. (screams)
Stacy: Candace, talk to me.
Candace: (from the phone) Heather Magazine says I'm... (Cut to her) an emo teen!! An emo teen, Stacy! I don't even know what that is.
Stacy: Okay, to the Internet. (starts typing on her laptop) Here we go. Emos believe everyone's against them.
Candace: How can you say that to me?
Stacy: They're highly sensitive and drama queens.
Candace: No, I'm NOT!!!
Stacy: You know, as teenage sub-cultures go, it's not so bad. You just need a new look to match your true teen identity. I'll be right over.

(Scene shifts to the backyard)
Phineas: Ferb, how's the pool inflation coming? (Ferb gives him a thumbs up)
Isabella: Hi Phineas, what'cha doin?
Phineas: Ferb and I are building a super inflatable wading pool. Wanna help?
Isabella: I'd love to, but actually, I need your help.
Phineas: Anything for you, Isabella.
Isabella: (romantically) Really?
Phineas: Sure. (passionately) Your word is my humble command. I would travel the four corners of the globe - which I have actually done - but this time, it would be for you.
(Scene changes to a beach, with Phineas rising on a rock in a white shirt and black pants with long red hair)
All for you!
Isabella: Ah...
Ginger: (offscreen) Ahem?!
(Scene changes back to reality)
Ginger: (whispers) You were lost in Phineasland again.
Isabella: (snaps out) Oh! Right. (chuckles) Right. The Fireside Girls are going for our Beekeeping patch, and we need to borrow something.
Phineas: Of course, but you're going to bring some collateral if you wannna borrow Ferb.
Isabella: Oh Phineas! (laughs)
Ginger: It's not that funny.
Isabella: Stand down, Fireside Girl.

(Perry, flying with his bee jetpack, throws his bee headband away)
Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, there you are Perry the Platypus - Hey, great costume, that's the bee's knees or you know, wings in this case. (A giant yellow fly swatter appears behind Perry and swats him) Ha! Swats happening, Perry the platypus. Swats up! Swats goin- (Perry punches him in the chin) Oof! Puh, hey, swats your problem? (Perry punches him again) Oh, I'm sorry, I-I can't help it, I got bees in the brain, especially the queen bee, You only hear about the queen bee this, queen bee that. You'll never hear about the King Bee, do you? That means there's a power vacuum that I need to exploit. (shows an -inator) Behold! The Aroma-nator. Like the queen bee, I have acquired mass quantities of pheromones. See? Right here in the tank. Once I spray myself, the bees will be attracted to me and I will be crowned King Bee! After that, it's just a hop, skip, and a jump to ruling the entire Tri-State Area.

(Back at Candace's room, Stacy is holding the magazine wihle Candace is in her closet)
Stacy: Okay, so the top three items on the Heather Magazine 11-step guide to be the true emo teen are dark hair, dark clothes, and pencil-thin jeans.
Candace: Ughh!
Stacy: Let's see what you got.
(Candace comes out of the closet, revealing an emo Candace)
Heeeeey, not bad!
Candace: (weakly) Whatever.
Stacy: Well, you got the look and you got the attitude. Now there's just one last test to see if you're a true emo. Do you have enough ennui to resist the urge to bust your brothers? (Candace looks out the window, seeing her brothers building the pool) I don't think your Mom would approve.
Candace: Of course not! They're gonna be soooooo bus --
Stacy: Nuh, uh, uh, true identity, Candace!
Candace: (inhales heavily and exhales lower and lower until part of her hair covers her left eye) What's the point? No one understands me anyway.
Stacy: Wow, Heather Magazine is good!

(In the backyard)
Isabella: Thanks for the loan, Phineas! We're sure to get our Beekeeping patch now.
Phineas: No problem, what are friends for, if not to reconfigure a sorbet machine that turns people into flies into a sorbet machine that turns people into bees! Just remember, the effect wears off after a couple of hours. Why don't you come back for our inflatable wading pool party after your patch ceremony?
Isabella: Of course! Wouldn't miss it!
Ginger: This is fascinating! Tell me more about bee dancing.
Baljeet: Really? Because usually, people are either gone or fall asleep by the time I get to this part of the sentence.
Phineas: Hey, Baljeet! Mind giving me a hand with these pools?
Baljeet: (looks away from Ginger) In a minute. (Turns around) So to continue, the figure eight and... (Notices Ginger has disappeared) Awwww, annnnnd we are back.

(In the kitchen, Candace walks in)
Linda: Hi, honey. Love the new look.
Candace: You obviously don't know me. Nobody does. And if somebody did, I'd just deny it.
Linda: Sweetie, I went through a similar phase when I was your age. Try writing some poems.
Candace: Whatever.
I don't care,
No one gets me...
Except my hair.
Linda: That's my girl.

(Cut back to D.E.I.)
Doofenshmirtz: (carrying a vacuum cleaner) Okay, time to fill the void in the power vacuum. 'Cause you see, it's a-it's a real vacuum cleaner. (Perry gives a look) No? Wow, either I'm off my game or you're just being stubborn. (Doofenshmirtz activates the vacuum and all the bees get sucked inside) Ha ha! Sucks to be you! So we're back in business! Now, lemme just shut off this baby—Oops! I almost hit the self-destruct button here! What? I-I install one on everything. It's my thing. I put one on my coffee machine, on my TV, (cut to a shot of Doofenshmirtz's toilet with a self-destruct button on it) I have one everywhere. (cut back to Doofenshmirtz) I even put one on my underwear. See? Look. (he activates his underwear's self-destruct button) Oof! Oh, that, uh...that was not pleasant.

(Cut back to the backyard, wide shot of the wading pool, then close-up on Buford, Baljeet, Phineas and Ferb at the top)
Buford: Alright, gang's all here. Let's get this pool party started!
Phineas: Sorry, Buford, I promised Isabella and the Fireside Girls that we'd wait for them.
Buford: (falsetto) "Ooh, I promised Isabella!"
Phineas: Is that how I sound?
Ferb: He really nailed you.
Baljeet: It is uncanny.
Phineas: Well, I guess we can test the pools out to make sure they're up to our usual standards.
Buford: (falsetto) "Well, I guess we can test the pools! Hey, look at me!"
Phineas: (laughs) You guys are right! It's like listening to a mirror! Alright, gang, let's give this wading pool a try.

(Song: Quirky Worky Song)
(Phineas jumps down the slide followed by the rest. Cut to Phineas in a mud pool followed by the others. They wade around in the mud, and then jump out. Cut to the gang entering a pool full of carbonated bubbles.)
Buford: Woohoo!
(Phineas laughs as he goes into the next pool and onto another slide, followed by Ferb)
Buford: (belches, giving a thumbs up) Carbonation. Makes me belch. That's why I like it.
Baljeet: (sarcastically) Yes, thank you for sharing.
(Cut to an icy pool. The gang falls down the slide onto the pool and go onto tubes on the next slide. Cut to another slide.)

(Cut back to D.E.I.)
Doofenshmirtz: Now that the bees are out of the way, let's try this baby out. Just a little spritz. (He activates the Aroma-inator and gets more than just a little spritz.) Uh...okay...needs a little adjustments. (The doorbell rings) Oh, that's right. Charlene's coming over to get Vanessa's headphones for her. (He walks over to the door with the headphones and opens it to reveal his ex-wife.)
Charlene: Hello, Heinz.
Doofenshmirtz: Hey, Charlene. (giving her the headphones) Here ya go.
Charlene: (taking the headphones) Oh, thanks, Heinz. Wait, are you more attractive all of a sudden?
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, why, thank you, I have been trying to—Oh, wait, no, it's just the pheromones.
Charlene: Wow! Well, it's really working because suddenly I can't remember why we broke up.
Doofenshmirtz: You said you hated Mr. Tomato.
(Doofenshmirtz takes out a badly made tomato puppet.)
Mr. Tomato: Hello, Charlene.
Charlene: Oh, hello, Mr. Tomato. (to her ex-husband) Thanks for the reminder. (leaves) I'm outta here.
Mr. Tomato: Y'know, it wasn't me she didn't like.
Doofenshmirtz: Shut up!

(Cut back to the backyard. Phineas slides down the last slide into a Ducky Momo wading pool.)
Phineas: Awesome!
(Buford comes down next, followed by Baljeet, and finally, Ferb.)
Baljeet: What a thrill!
(Ferb stays in the pool and wades a while.)
Baljeet: (offscreen) Man, that kid can wade!
(Zoom out to reveal emo Candace sitting by the tree writing some poetry.)
Candace: Sibling unit,
Wading, wading.
I sit here
Not relating.
Phineas: Wow, pithy.

(Cut back to Doofenshmirtz and Perry)
Doofenshmirtz: Now we're cookin' with gas! Watch, Perry the Platypus, (Perry throws his fedora. It hits both the forward/reverse switch and the on/off switch) as I spritz myself right into ruining the Tri-State Area! (The Aroma-inator gives Doofenshmirtz a huge spritzing, but he then sees the escaped bees) Uh-oh. (All the bees surround Doofenshmirtz) Oh! Ow! I think it might be time for Plan Bee!! (Perry uses his tail like a chainsaw freeing himself from the swatter trap while Doofenshmirtz is still yelling.) Stop it stop it! (Perry puts his fedora back on) Ah! Ow! They're all over me! Ahhhhh!!! Get 'em off! Get 'em off!!!! (Perry runs over to the remote. He activates the Aroma-inator emptying it completely. The bees follow it.) Thank you for saving me, Perry the Platypus! And on the bright side, with all those bees, not one sting! Ow! (He spits out a bee and sticks out his swollen tongue.) Oh, man! I thould've ekthpected thith. At leatht my inator ith intact. (Perry pushes the self-destruct button on the remote control.) Ah, thhoot! Curth you, Perry the Platyputh! (beat) Curth you! I thaid, "Curth you, Perry the Platyputh!" Yeah, well, thee, you thould be able to get it in contektht.

(Cut to the pheromones, which land on the giant wading pool.)
Buford: What the heck is that?
("Flight of the Bumblebee" plays in the background while all the bees surround the giant wading pool.)
Phineas: I have no idea, but the bees sure seem to like it.
(The bees take the giant wading pool with them all the way up.)
Candace: And so continues the inevitability of my mundane existence. (The bees deflate the giant wading pool, squirting water out of it, and soaking Candace) Once again, I am humiliated by the universe.
(The Ducky Momo pool drops down along with its water.)
Buford: What just happened?
Linda: (offscreen) Hey, kids! (Cut to the sliding door where Linda comes out with a tray with a pitcher and some glasses filled with iced tea) Anyone up for some iced tea?
Phineas: Sure! Thanks, Mom! (They run up to the refreshments. Perry enters chattering.) Oh, there you are, Perry!
Linda: Oh, look, you kids found Candace's old wading pool! How sweet!
Phineas: We're gonna have a pool party! Go ahead, wade away!

(Cut to the fence gate. Isabella, Gretchen and Holly enter in their swimwear carrying towels.)
Isabella: Sorry we're late, Phineas. Our bee ceremony ran long.
Phineas: No worries, Isabella. Go ahead and join Mom in the fun.
Buford: (falsetto) "No worries, Isabella!" (makes mocking noises)
Isabella: (to Phineas) Hey, he does a good you! (to Gretchen and Holly) Come on, girls! Let's hit the pool!
(Cut to Linda taking her shoes off and dipping her feet into the pool followed by Isabella, Holly and Gretchen.)
Linda: Aw, it's just like old times.

Stacy: (coming in with the magazine) Hey, Candace, (flipping the pages) I just realized you added up your score wrong! Your true teen identity is actually the... (Shows quiz in magazine) "Busting and Crush Obsessed Older Sister Type Who Can't Do Math".
Candace: (deadpan) But, but, but, but, but...whatever.

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