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Candace's Big Day/Transcript

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(Scene opens up at the Flynn-Fletcher household. The Flynn-Fletchers sit on a couch with Bob and Tiana.)
Phineas: Wow, Aunt Tiana, you and Bob have had so many cool adventures.
Tiana: I know huh? And here's a picture of Bob and me jumping out of a helicopter into the South American rainforest. Turn the page, Bob.
Bob: Okay!
Tiana: Oh, here's where we dodged all those man eating plants in the Amazon. Bob?
Bob: Okay!
Tiana: And here we are climbing the icy peaks of Kilimanjaro. I thought the view was just spectacular, but Bob was just--
Bob: Eh, okay.
Phineas: Where ya going next?
Tiana: To the Galapagos. We leave tomorrow.
Bob: You know, we’ve been on so many trips together, this time, I want to go with someone else...
(Everyone gasps)
Bob: ...My wife. Tiana, will you marry me?
Tiana: Okay!
Linda: How romantic.
Lawrence: Way to go Bob.
Phineas: Wow, corny. But apparently effective.
Linda: You could get married in the Galapagos!
Candace: No! You can't get married in the Galapagos. When I was little, you promised me that I would be your bridesmaid. What about my needs?
Linda: Candace!
Tiana: Oh, that's right. I did promise you that, didn't I? Well, we could go to the courthouse before we leave.
Bob: Okay!
Candace: No, not okay! We have to have a real wedding. We can have it in the backyard!
Linda: Candace, you can't plan a real wedding in a day.
Candace: Duh! (Rushes off and comes back wearing a dress) I've been planning this since I was 10! I could set up the perfect wedding and get you two kids married in a way you'll never forget, and have you on the plane to the Galapagos with time to spare. Now you and mom go to the salon to get up-dos, and French manicures. Then head to Tri-State Bridal and ask for Oga. Now go!
Linda: Okay then, wouldn't want Aunt Tiana taking her vows in safari wear!
Tiana: Candace, I know you're going to plan a wonderful wedding, especially with Phineas and Ferb helping.
Candace: What?!
Phineas: Right! Ferb, I know what we're going to do--
Candace: No, no no no. You don't know what you’re going to do today. They're going to build some sort of wedding rocket to the moon, or lawn gnome beach party of taffeta!
Tiana: Then you steer the boys in the right direction, and have fun, okay?
Bob: (Off screen, distant) Okay!
Phineas: (At Ferb) Lawn gnome beach party of taffeta. Make a note of that.

(Scene switches to Candace sitting in the kitchen)
Candace: (At phone) Hello? Lake's Cakes? I'd like a 7-tiered.... Oh no, make that 10-tiered white cake with raspberry filled... (Beep) Please hold. (Click) Yes, Flowers? Oh, yes, I need something with smell... (Beep) Oh um, please hold. (Click) I'm back. I want something with cinnamon...
(Phineas and Ferb walk over to Candace)
Phineas: Hey, sis.
Candace: Excuse me. (At Phineas and Ferb) Can't you see I'm busy? (At phone) Yes, I'm still here. Hold please! (At Phineas and Ferb) Will you two scram?
Phineas: Well, Ferb and I wanted to see how we could help.
Candace: Just go do something and get out of my way! (At phone) Huh? Oh no, not you. It's my... (At Phineas and Ferb) Go plan the grand entrance!
Phineas: Okay! (At Ferb) I guess we could make an entrance that's kinda grand. (Pause) So, have you seen Perry?

(Scene switches to Perry's lair)
Major Monogram: I wanna wanna wanna have fun fun fun (Major Monogram's screen lifts to reveal Perry sliding down a chute to his chair) Agent P, thank goodness you're here. As you've probably heard by now, Danville's experiencing a shortage of decent, healthy food and someone's been buying up all supplies of unhealthy food additives. This has Doofenshmirtz written all over it. (Image pops up on screen with Doofenshmirtz's picture and signatures by the man himself) We have no idea why he signed it that many times, but anyways, we're all counting on you Agent P!

(Scene switches back to Candace in the kitchen)
Candace: (At phone) No; I said crab puffs! (Beep) Please hold. (Click) Why would I want my cake in a vase? Oh, you're the florist, not the baker.
Phineas: (Off screen) Alright ladies, let's do a run through!
(Candace breathes out smoke through her nose)

(Scene switches to Phineas and Ferb, staring up at the sky)
Phineas: (Through helicopter noise) Looking good Isabella! (Candace comes to the backyard) Oh, hey, sis!
Isabella: (Parachuting down from the helicopter) Hey, Candace!
Phineas: See Aunt Tiana, Bob, and the wedding photographer will parachute into their wedding, just like they did in South America. At the helicopters) Let's bring those puppies back down. We want to save our fuel for the actual grand entrance!
Candace: Absolutely not! You are off grand entrance duty. Just go take care of the flowers, while I order the cake. Got it?
Phineas: Well, I guess we could--
Candace: Just do it! And don’t interrupt me. (Walks away)
Phineas: Wow, she's good. I'm going to have her plan my wedding. Ferb, make a note.
Isabella: (Off screen) I got it!

Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.!
(Perry walks into an elevator, which is playing "Gitchee Gitchee Goo". The elevator door opens)
Doofenshmirtz: Surprise, Perry the Platypus! (Giggles madly) Okay, (Presses elevator button) enjoy your trip! (Giggles again) Oh, oh, the look on his face was priceless, (Giggles) Oh, here he comes back. Alright, try not to laugh, okay. Ahaha, did you enjoy the other floor—Wait, Perry? (Second elevator door opens revealing Perry) Perry the Platypus? (Goes inside the elevator) Huh, where did he go?
(Perry reaches an arm into the elevator Doofenshmirtz is in and pushes all the floor buttons)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, (Groans) No!
(Perry walks into Doofenshmirtz's apartment)

(Scene switches to Candace)
Candace: No, no, not beef, chicken! Oh, you're the cake guy? (Beep) Oh, hold please. (Click) What? No I don't want to save money on my car insurance.
Phineas: Candace!
Candace: I told you not to interrupt me. (At phone) Not you, don't hang up. (At Phineas and Ferb) This better be good!
Phineas: Ferb and I just thought you'd like to see how the flowers turned out.
Candace: Oh! Why didn’t you say so? (Walks into the backyard) Oh wow, this is so beautiful—Wait a minute, are these--?
Phineas: Venus flytraps! Just like in their adventure in the Amazon.
(Nearby flytrap makes a growling noise; Candace gasps)
Phineas: Don’t worry Candace, they only have a taste for insects and small vermin. (Flytrap latches onto Candace’s head) Hey, he likes you!
Candace: Get this thing off me!
Phineas: (Removing the Venus flytrap off Candace) Are you okay?
Candace: One moment. (Dials on her phone)

(Scene switches to Linda and Tiana. Linda’s phone begins to ring)
Linda: Hello? (Candace screams through the phone; Linda hangs up) So, are you and Bob thinking of having kids?

(Scene switches back to Phineas, Ferb and Candace)
Phineas: So, what can we do next?
Candace: Next? What can you do next?!
Phineas: Well, Aunt Tiana said that we should help, and it is her wedding when you think about it.
Candace: Alright. But! No trampolines, no robots, no rollercoasters, no firework spectaculars, no native dancers, no running of the wildebeests--

(Scene switches to DEI. Doofenshmirtz stands grumpily in the elevator as it continues going through every floor)
Doofenshmirtz: (Walking into his apartment) You could have at least gotten into your trap. It's on the table. (Perry ties himself up) You know, I do appreciate you trying to mix it up, but I do have a schedule to keep. Ready? Let me show you my latest project. The Junk Food-inator! It sprays my special mix of boiling hot high-fructose corn syrup and hydrogenated coconut oil. To turn all healthy food into toasty warm junk food! Soon, everyone will become lethargic overweight blobs. Easily controlled by me! (Laughs) Because I will be the only one left eating healthy food, like these delicious broccolis! (Eats) Mm, well, the only problem is, I'm not quite used to the taste—- I'm used to eating the junk. I'll just dip it in here (Dips broccoli into the Junk Food-inator and eats it) Mmm, Oh that's much better! I could eat this all day. I can feel myself getting healthier.

(Scene switches back to Candace)
Candace: --No giant robot groomsmen, no mechanized rice catapults, no rocket to the moon, no bringing the moon down to earth, just regular good old fashion wedding stuff like you might find at a regular everyday perfect wedding.
Phineas: Like?
Candace: Like—- Ice! It's summer, it's hot, people want something with ice, okay? Make ice.
(Venus flytrap growls and snaps at her, and Candace runs away screaming)
Phineas: Ferb, what do we have in the ice file?

(Scene switches back to DEI. Doofenshmirtz's stomach has enlarged and he is pale with acne on his face)
Doofenshmirtz: I could eat this stuff all day. Just look at this lifelike glow I've acquired. I'm the picture of health! And all from eating nothing but this... ah, I don't know what's under here, but I think it's a vegetable. I'm as strong as an ox! (Squelching noise as his stomach pops out from his shirt. Doofenshmirtz breathes out heavily as he gets tired) But nobody else will be after fire off my Junk Food-inator. (Machine rumbles, but stops, having run out of corn syrup and coconut oil) I should really refill this. But you know (Yawns) I'm so tired. I should really take a nap first. (Falls over into Junk Food-inator and starts snoring)

(Scene switches back to Candace)
Delivery Man: Yeah, the cakes all set up out back just like you asked.
Candace: Thank you!
Delivery Man: Hey, aren't you a little too young to be a wedding planner—Oof!

Candace: No! (Slams door) No, I'm not! (Rushes out back) My perfect cake done! (She unveils the cake to have the strangest assortment of tiers, ranging from fish bones to a chicken cage at the bottom) No! My perfect cake! Mr. Delivery guy, come back! (Candace runs past a window only to come back to see her disheveled appearance) The horror.
Phineas: Hey Candace! What do you think of our ice sculpture? We incorporated all of Aunt Tiana's and Bob's adventures. There's even a slide she can ride down to the altar.
Isabella and Ginger: (Sliding down) I do!
Candace: (Sobbing) I'm telling-- (Car honks) Mom! Maybe it's my perfect day after all! Mom! Aunt Tiana, hurry up, you've got to see this thing.
Tiana: Is she always like that?
Linda: Some days are better than others!
Candace: (Hopping up and down) It's Phineas and Ferb! They've ruined everything!
Linda: I'll go check on Lawrence and Bob.
Tiana: Candace, let's go have a look.
Candace: (Rushing to the backyard) Look at this cake, it has a chicken in it! (Chicken noise)
Tiana: Oh...
Candace: And my hair! I think it may also have a chicken in it!
Tiana: Oh my...
Candace: And this! (Gestures to the enormous ice sculpture)
Phineas: Hi, Auntie T! We're just putting the finishing touches on the scorpions. Look! The venom is sparkling apple cider!
Tiana: Oh my goodness. Candace, I- I...
Candace: Don't say it, Auntie T, I failed you! I turned your special day into the worst wedding ever!
Tiana: (In tears) But I love it.
Candace: You huh?
Tiana: I mean your hair, it's all the rage down in Montevideo. And the cake! It's like a crazy hodgepodge of everything I love. And this! Wow, all I can say is, (Hugging Candace) thank you. You planned a perfect wedding. Now why don't you come inside and help me with my dress?
Candace: Oh yay!

(Scene switches back to DEI, Doofenshmirtz is snoring)
Doofenshmirtz: (Waking up to Perry’s chatter) Wait, what, who am I? Oh, oh, it’s me! Perry the Platypus, how did you free yourself?
(Perry ties himself up with the rope, before inhaling deeply and exhaling, showing large chest muscles, before sighing)
Doofenshmirtz: Wow. But it's too late! While I was napping, enough grease dripped off my face to fill the Junk Food-inator. Nothing can stop me now! Hoo, I gotta sit down.
(The Junk Food-Inator shoots out, and hits the ice sculpture, melting it down to a small statue of Bob and Tiana and makes a snow like scenery. The ice scorpion is blasted towards DEI)
Doofenshmirtz: What the--? (Scorpion collides into the -Inator) Suddenly I feel like a glass of apple cider. I don’t know how you did that, but get ready to pay, Perry the Platypus! (Stomach growls) Uh, can you hold on one second? (Goes to washroom; toilet flushes) Okay, here we are, let’s do this-- (Stomach growls) Uh, uh, you know, just hold on. (Door closes) Ah you know Perry the Platypus, uh, you can just let yourself out. I...I may be a while.

(Scene switches back to the Flynn-Fletcher household, where snow is falling)
Candace: (offscreen) Are you ready Aunt Tiana?
Tiana: Wow, you even made it snow! Wait, what about the ice sculpture with all our great adventures?
Ferb: They say the step you’re about to take is the beginning of your greatest adventure yet.
Phineas: Little corny there, bro.
Ferb: Just (Picking up guitar) teeing up the song.
Phineas: Oh yeah!

(Song: "Wedding Adventure")
With every step you take
The journey of your life
And your adventure begins
As husband and wife
The one you love is here
He's making things okay
Bob: Okay!
Phineas: Just think of all the adventures on their way!

Ferb and Chorus: Bull-running!
Base jumping!
All: Wedding adventure!

Ferb and Chorus: Snowboarding!
Treasure hunting!
Whip cracking!
Head banging!
Foot stomping!
All: Wedding adventure!

Phineas: Bob and Tiana are husband and wife
They're gonna have the time of their life
Ferb and Chorus: Ski-jumping!
All: Wedding adventure!

Phineas: Remember every step that you take
Started with Candace's chicken cake
Chicken: Ba-kaw!

Phineas: It doesn't matter how you choose to toss the dice
All: Your marriage is the adventure of your life (Bob and Tiana kiss)

Linda: Candace, where's the justice of the peace?
(Another pause)
Candace: AW, NUTS! Ugh, just give me a minute. (Walks away and dials phone)

End credits

Phineas: Bob and Tiana are husband and wife
They're gonna have the time of their life
Ferb and Chorus: Ski-jumping!
All: Wedding adventure!

Phineas: Remember every step that you take
Started with Candace's chicken cake
Chicken: Ba-kaw!

Phineas: It doesn't matter how you choose to toss the dice
All: Your marriage is the adventure of your life

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