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Candace Gets Busted/Transcript

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(Scene opens up in the Flynn-Fletcher home.)

Linda: Well, I think that's it. You have both our cell-phone numbers, all emergency contacts, and the number of the hotel we'll be staying in at the antique shower-head convention. What do you plan on doing tonight?
Candace: I thought I'd have a few friends over, like Stacy and Jenny. Is that okay?
Linda: Sure! But no wild parties.
Candace: Well, I guess I'll have to cancel the death metal band and the fire dancers. (Linda frowns) I kid!
Linda: Lawrence, you're not wearing that on the plane.
Lawrence: (wearing antique showerhead) I'm not on the plane yet.
Linda: We'll be back this time tomorrow.
Phineas: Mom and Dad, your cab is here.
Linda: (To Candace) Bye hon! You're in charge.
Lawrence: Mind your sister, boys.
All: Bye!

Candace: Hey, Stace. What're you doing tonight? Do you and Jenny want to come over and just hang out?
Phineas: Do you need help with entertaining or snacks?
Candace: Listen, under no circumstances do I want you to do anything crazy. Or anything at all for that matter. Just go up to your room and get out of my hair. Vamoose.
Phineas: Are you sure? We can make a nacho launcher, or a dip fountain.
Candace: No.
Phineas: How about a wasabi slide?
Candace: No. (To Stacy) Sorry about that, Stace. Come over around... Oh wait, I have another call. Hello?
Phineas: (from the phone) How about a mustard-go-round?
Candace: Phineas!
Phineas: Okay. Hey, where's Perry?

(Perry puts on his fedora and opens a drawer where he slides through a tube)
Major Monogram: Come in, Agent P. We've been having trouble with our pipes getting mixed up with the city's dump system. We aren't one hundred percent sure where you'll end up.
Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus?!
Major Monogram: Where are you, Agent P? (Perry points his wrist communicator at Doofenshmirtz) Great googly moogly! Well, hang tight, I'll give you your mission. Doofenshmirtz is up to no good. He has been seen snooping around-
Doofenshmirtz: Around the neighborhood apartment. Yes, I've; yes, I've been doing that.
Major Monogram: He's also been buying-
Doofenshmirtz: Buying electrical equipment.
Major Monogram: And checking-
Both: -movie starting times online.
Major Monogram: Let me tell it!
Doofenshmirtz: I wanna tell it! I - want - to tell it! Doofenshmirtz... that is... wait... (he is cut off by Major Monogram; exclaims in frustration)
Major Monogram: La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. (clears throat) So, get him, Agent P, and good luck.
Doofenshmirtz: Thank you.
Major Monogram: Not you.
Doofenshmirtz: Too late, I'm lucky now. (laughs; traps Perry) You like that? I call it a trap-a-lounger, because it's loungy and trappy all at the same time.

(Scene shifts to the Flynn-Fletcher house, where the door bell rings. Candace walks to the door and answers it. Enter Stacy and Jenny, squealing in excitement.)
StacyYeah!
Jenny: Whoo-hoo!
Stacy: (she and Jenny walk in) I took the liberty of bringing some DVDs for our party viewing pleasure.
Candace: Uh, it's not a party.
Stacy: For our not-a-party viewing pleasure. (Enter Jenny's cousin, Sara)
Jenny: Candace, this is my cousin, Sara.
Sara: Hello.
Jenny: She's visiting for the weekend. Is it okay if she hangs out with us, too?
Candace: Well, my mom said I could have a couple people over. Sure, come on in.
Sara: (Candace closes the door) Hey, are you Phineas and Ferb's sister? That must be awesome for you.
Candace: Yeah, you'd think so, wouldn't you?
Stacy: So my mom told me to clean up my room and I didn't have any shoes on, so I started picking stuff up with my feet, and I turned it into a game with myself, like, "Can I Clean Up My Whole Room With My Feet?" And I did. (her cell phone rings) Oh, it's Coltrane. Hello?
Coltrane: (indistinct chattering over phone)
Stacy: (To Candace) Coltrane and Jeremy's gig got cancelled. Can they come over?
Candace: Over here? Uh, Coltrane and Jeremy? Hey, what's two more?
Stacy: (to Coltrane) Bring it! (she hangs up) Awesome!

(Scene shifts to D.E.I.)
Doofenshmirtz: So, let me tell you my evil scheme. Not too long ago, I used to sit right over there and watch free movies on the drive-in movie screen across the street. Of course, I didn't get the sound, so I'd make up my own dialogue. It was fun. (changes his tone of voice to sound gruff and deeper) Sheila, I love you, but now I have to defuse this bomb. (in normal voice) See? Good stuff! Gripping! But now look! They built a giant condominium blocking my view. I tried to make up dialogue for it... (in gruff movie voice) I'm a condominium. I'm just standing there. (In normal voice) See? Where's the fun in that? It's always the same, "I'm a building." There's no story. And I know what you're thinking, why not just move my armchair over to that window over there with the unblocked view? Well, then I would have to move this little table, too, and the lamp, and this is the only electrical outlet. It seems easier to get rid of the building. So, that's why I invented this: the Go-Away-inator! One blast of this ray, and that building, and everyone in it, (snaps his fingers) will instantly be transported somewhere else. Here on this wheel, I've written many undesirable locations. With a pull of this string, a site is randomly chosen, and good-bye low-rent condo, hello Hollywood high-budgets! (laughs maniacally)

(Scene shifts back to the Flynn-Fletcher house, where Jeremy and the Incidentals have arrived.)
Jeremy: Hey, Candace. Thanks for having us over to your party.
Candace: Oh, it's not a party, and I'm glad you and your entire band could make it over.
Jeremy: We wrote a new song. I'd love to test it out on you guys.
Stacy: Aww.
Jenny/Sara: Ooh.
Candace: Uh, as long as we agree that it's just a test. This isn't a "party" with a "band" playing, it's just a small get-together, and you're just gonna lightly strum a test song.

(Song: Breath)
(The song has dialogue under)
Jeremy: It's funny how words
Are never what's heard
'Cause still I don't know what you're thinking

We park and we talk
We talk and we talk

And I get this feeling I'm sinking
Press play and record at the same time
And capture us both so uneasy 

But all in good time
On eternity's dime
I'll lose this breath I've been holding

Cupid's in knots
All our nerves are shot
I'll lose this breath I've been holding

(During the song, Stacy, Jenny, and Sara dance along. They cheer Jeremy and the Incidentals as they play. Candace snaps her fingers to the song nervously. Then, the door bell rings. Candace walks to the door and answers it. Enter three teenage girls.)
Girl #1: Hey, we were just walking by and heard the music. Isn't this Phineas and Ferb's house?
Candace: Well, yes, but...
Girl #1: Awesome!
Girl #3: Hey, Phineas and Ferb are having a party!
Candace: But, but, but, hold on... (chuckles nervously) It's just an intimate get together. (tries to close the door, but gets slammed in the face as more teens walk in)
Teens: Hey, Phineas and Ferb!/Hey, guys, a party!
Candace: It's not a party.
Girl: This is awesome! (more teens join in Jeremy and the Incidentals and dance along)

(Phineas and Ferb come down the stairs and wave at the party teens)
Phineas: Heeeeeey.
Ferb: When we get our own place, it'll be like this everyday.
Phineas: Let's find Candace.

(Sara turns up the volume on the amplifier and dances)
Candace: No, no! No, keep it down. Just going to turn it down a little. (chuckles nervously) La, la, la...  (tries to unplug the amplifier, but Phineas and Ferb interrupt her)
Phineas: Hey, Candace. Cool party.
Candace: It's not a party, it's an intimate get-together.
Jeremy: Hey, Candace. Thanks so much for hosting this.
Candace: Oh, sure. Rock on... (Jeremy leaves) What are you looking at?! If you want to stay down here, sit over there and stay out of the way.
Phineas: (leaving) Okay.
(someone throws a bag of Pork Rinds)
Guy: Pork Rinds, coming your way!
Candace: Uh, snacks should not be airborne! (Snatches it from him but the bag tears and the chips fall to the ground)

(At D.E.I.)
Doofenshmirtz: Any minute now, Perry the Platypus, that building will be relocated and I can enjoy my view! It just needs to warm up. (turns on the Go-Away-inator) Let's savor this moment. Right now, my plan is working, you're trapped, and the inator is warming up. Yes, these are the good moments, Perry the Platypus. These are the good moments.

(Back at the Flynn-Fletcher house...)
Guy: Is this the Phineas and Ferb party?
Guy #2: Sure is.
Guy: I brought Pork Rinds.
Guy #2: More pork rinds!
Candace: I didn't invite these people. Who are they? Now what?
Party members: (Chanting) Chip! Chip! Chip! Chip! Chip!
Candace: What's going on here?
(Phineas and Ferb are eating potato chips)
Party members: Yeah!
Candace: Stop encouraging them!
Phineas: We're just eating potato chips at a party.
Guy: Phineas and Ferb parties rule! (all cheering)
Candace It's not their party, it's my party! And it's not a party, it's an intimate get together. (Shattering) (Gasps) What was that? Put that down, pardon me, use a napkin! What's my science teacher doing here?
Teacher: I never miss a Phineas and Ferb party!

(Song: Candace Party)
Candace: First of all, it's not a party, but if it were a party, it would not be their party, it would be MY PARTY!
Party members: Candace party! Candace party!
Candace: It's not a party, it's an intimate get together!
Party members: Candace party! Candace party!
Candace: Don't call it that, it's just a get together!
Party members: Candace party! Candace party!

Candace: Don't spill your drink
Don't drop your food
Don't make the music in the house go boom

Hey, don't use my mom's good scissors
And please stay out of my room!

Take your feet off the chair
No running in the house
Put a coaster under that drink
Hey, these tchotchkes aren't for juggling
And that's a toilet, not a sink!

Candace: It's not a party, it's an intimate get together
Party members: Candace party! Candace party!
Candace: Don't call it that, it's just a get together
Party members: Candace party! Candace party!

(the phone rings)
Phineas: Hi, Mom! What? WHAT?! I'm sorry, I can't hear you over Candace's intimate get together!
Jeremy: Candace party!

Candace: Hey, what's this in this fishbowl?
I said don't play with the remote!
Hey close the door, were you born in a barn?
Which one of you brought this goat?

Candace: It's not a party, it's an intimate get together!
Party members: Candace party! Candace party!
Candace: Don't call it that, it's just a get together!
Party members: Candace party! Candace party!
Candace: We're talking I to the N to the T-I-M-A-T-E get together!
Party members: Whaaaat?
Candace: I to the N to the T-I-M-A-T-E get together!
Party members: That's right!
Candace: It's not a party...

(Phineas and Ferb are leading a Conga line)
Phineas: (handing the phone to Candace) It's for you!
Candace: Wait a minute, where are you going?
Phineas: To the kitchen!
Party members: Candace party! Candace party!
Candace: Hello?
Linda: (from the phone) Candace?
Candace: Mom!
(Linda & Lawrence are at the airport)
Linda: Candace, is that you?
Party members: (from the phone) Candace party!
Jeremy: (from the phone) Candace party!
Linda: I can barely hear you! What's all that noise?
Party members: Candace party! Candace party!
Linda: (from the phone) Candace, are you having a party?!
Candace: No, no, no, no, Mom.
Jeremy: Candace party!
Candace: It's not a party, It's an intimate get together!
Party members: Candace party! Candace party!
Candace: (from the phone) SHUT UP!
Party members: (from the phone) Candace party! Candace party!
Linda: (turns off phone) Lawrence, there's something weird going on at home. I'm afraid we're gonna have to cancel our trip and head right back. (sighs)
Lawrence: Oh, would you like to yank my chain?
Linda: (at the camera) Yes, yes I would.
(Linda pulls the cord on Lawrence's shower-hat)

(At D.E.I.)
Doofenshmirtz: Any minute now, my inator will be all warmed up. I should've gone solid state, but this has got the tubes. It's old school Perry the... Hey, you've escaped! (grunts)

(Scene shifts to the Flynn-Fletcher house)
Candace: Everybody out the back way! Let's go! Out, out, out!
Jeremy: Great idea, moving the party outside. It was getting hot in there. Hey guys, let's keep rocking!
Party members: Candace party! Candace party!
Candace: No! Now they're all partying in the backyard!
Party members: Candace party! Candace party!
Candace: Why aren't they leaving?
(Linda and Lawrence arrive)
Party members: Candace party! Candace party!
Candace: (Gasps) They're here!
(At D.E.I.)
Doofenshmirtz: It's too late, Perry the Platypus, I've pulled the string! Any second, these condos will disappear, and I will watch free movies. And you can't do a thing about it.
(Perry pulls the rug. The ray from the Go-away inator hits the party members, making them disappear)
Candace: (gasp) The entire party has disappeared! Of course! The same divine intervention that takes things away from you guys...took the party away for me! I'm saved!
Phineas: I wonder where the party went.
Ferb: Someplace nice, I hope.

(At D.E.I. The sides of Doofenshmirtz's pants appear to have all the party members in them)
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Well, obviously, something's amiss. Uhh, let's review: The Go-away inator which missed the condo, should've zapped whatever it hit to an undesirable location. Let me check my undesirable location wheel. (grabs out binoculars) Stonehenge, Burbank... (looks where spinner stopped) My Pants?! Why would I even write that there? Oh, I see, I got it confused with my dry-cleaning wheel. Oh, okay, but...why do I have a dry-cleaning wheel? (in gruff movie voice) I am a dry-cleaning wheel. Why do I exist? (normal voice) Perry the Platypus, be a mensch and push the reverse button, would you?

(Perry presses the reverse button on the Go-Away inator. The ray hits the backyard as Linda and Lawrence enter)
Candace: Mom and Dad are here!
(The party members materialize behind Candace in the backyard. Linda and Lawrence march up to her)
Candace: Hello, Mother, Father. What are you doing back so soon? I hope everything's okay. (pause) There's a party behind me, isn't there?
Party members: Candace party! Candace party! Candace party!
Linda: Candace, I trusted you! I can't believe you threw a party!
Candace: I didn't throw a party!
Linda: Well, then, whose party is it?
Teenage boys: (open door) Candace party! Candace party!
Linda: Young lady, you are so busted! Tell your friends to go straight home, and then go straight up to your room!
Party members: Awwww!
Teenage boy 1: Oh, man! Hey, everybody, the Candace party is over.
Party members: Awwww!

(Candace sadly walks upstairs. Phineas and Ferb watch her)
Phineas: Candace, if it makes you feel any better, you accidentally threw the most outrageous party of the summer!
Candace: Thanks, guys. I'll see you in a week.
(Perry comes back)
Phineas: Oh, there you are, Perry. You missed Candace's party.
Ferb: Totally, a platypus would have put it over the edge.
(Perry chatters)

(At D.E.I.)
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, Vanessa! Thank goodness you're here! A platypus has tied me up in my own pants!
Vanessa: How did my life get to the point where that is not a strange sentence to me?
(pause)
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (in gruff movie voice) I'm your daughter. I will stop being sarcastic and untie you.

End Credits

(Song: Candace Party)

Candace: Don't spill your drink
Don't drop your food
Don't make the music in the house go boom

Hey, don't use my mom's good scissors
And please stay out of my room
Take your feet off the chair

No running in the house
Put a coaster under that drink
Hey, these tchotchkes aren't for juggling
And that's a toilet, not a sink!

Candace: It's not a party, it's an intimate get together
Party members: Candace party! Candace party!
Candace: Don't call it that, it's just a get together
Party members: Candace party! Candace party!

Jeremy: Candace party!
Party members: That's right!
Candace: It's not a party...

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