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Canderemy/Transcript

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(Scene opens with a view of the Flynn-Fletcher house.)
Candace: Oh, Stacy, isn't Jeremy's hair the perfect shade of gold?
Recording: Uh huh.
Candace: And isn't it cute when he gets that little wrinkle on the end of his nose?
Recording: Uh huh.
Candace: And you know when...
Recording: Uh huh.
Candace: Stacy! Did you make a digital sound file of yourself saying "Uh huh" to fool me into thinking you're listening to me again?
Recording: Uh huh.
Candace: (Enraged) Stacy, pick up!
Stacy: (Picks up the phone) Well, do you blame me? (Imitating Candace) Oh, Jeremy and I went to the movies, Jeremy's house smells like gingerbread, ever notice Jeremy's mole is shaped like an adorable puppy? I'm starting to feel like the only reason you hang out with me is so you can talk about Jeremy!
Candace: Stacy, I--
Stacy: I miss you, Candace! I miss when we would hang out together, just the two of us. And I'll bet you didn't remember that today is the day of the Danville Steet Fair.
Candace: Stacy, I'm so sorry. I'm gonna cancel with Jeremy today. Meet me at the cafe in a half an hour and we'll go to the Street Fair afterwards. It'll be just the two of us. I promise.
Stacy: Really? Great! But no—Jeremy -- anything. Okay? If I even hear his name--
Candace: I promise I won't break this promise. See ya in a bit! (hangs up) Now, to call Jeremy. Wait, why call him, when I can tell him I can't see him today...in person? (runs off to do so)

(Switches to Isabella)
Isabella: This is it, Isabella. The day you're going to insist on spending some time alone with Phineas! I can do this! (walks into backyard) What'cha doooin'?
Phineas: Hey, Isabella, we're building a giant robotic dog.
Baljeet: Like when we made that title sequence!
Buford: Mmm, I'd rather give a monkey a shower.
Isabella: So, uh, Phineas, I was wondering if maybe after this, you'd like to go to the premiere of the new Stumbleberry Finkbat movie.
Phineas: (while rummaging through wires) Huh? Oh, sure. Sounds cool.
Ferb: (appears) I'd like to go to that.
Isabella: Uh, sorry, I -- I only have one extra ticket, and...it's sold out. So, I thought maybe Phineas and I could go—uh, not to necerrally exclude --
Phineas: Yeah, I can go after I finish up here. Done with he wiring, Ferb?
(Ferb produces a back scratcher and scratches the dog, causing its hind leg to rise and twitch)
Phineas: Lookin' good. Hey, where's Perry?


(Switches to D.E.I., where Perry is already trapped by Doofenshmirtz)
Doofenshmirtz: Comfortable, Perry the Platypus? I've constructed this platy-rack so that every limb is accounted for. So, what's it all about?
(Flashback)
There were only 2 things that made my miserable life bearable: my giant pet cockroach, Hoarfrost and garlic ice cream. And I thought that combining the 2 of those things would increase my enjoyment of them.
(Flashback ends)
So, introducing my Combine-inator! With my Combine-inator, I was finally able to create the Triple Scoop Garlic Roach Cone!
Hoarfrost: So cold...
Doofenshmirtz: Yeah.
Hoarfrost: Ow...
Doofenshmirtz: Then, I realized that if I combine this tropical timeshare island that I bought in Vegas with the Capitol of the Tri-State Area like so, ta-da! Then, legally, I can become the ruler of the Tri-State Area! As soon as I file the appropriate paperwork and file my state of reason by the end of business today.
(Perry turns the hairs on his head into the shape of a key and unlocks his trap, while Doofenshmirtz is still talking. Afterwards, the former punches the latter, sending the two offscreen)


(Switches to Jeremy's house)
Candace: (rings doorbell)
Mrs. Johnson: (answers door) Hey, Candace.
Candace: Hiya, Mrs. Johnson. Is Jeremy in today?
Mrs. Johnson: Sure, sweetie. He's right there.
(Pan over to Jeremy sleeping on the couch holding a drumstick and milk jug)
Candace: Is he okay?
Mrs. Johnson: Oh, sure. He was just up all night working the graveyard shift at Mr. Slushy Burger after working a full day shift. Then when he came home...
Jeremy: (snoring)
He ate an entire turkey, drank a gallon of milk and passed out on the sofa. Bless him. I'd be surprised if he woke up before next Thursday. Good luck getting any conversation out of him.
Candace: Thanks, Mrs. Johnson. Aw, he's so cute when he's sleeping. (sits next to Jeremy) Psst, Jeremy?

(Switches back to D.E.I.)
Doofenshmirtz: Alright, you've asked for it! (grabs Perry and they roll on the ground, knocking over the Combine-inator. The contraption fires off a ray that reaches a nearby park)
Man: I declare that this giant prism--
(the ray hits the prism, causing the former to redirect into two directions: one straight up into space and hitting a satellite and the other straight in the direction of Jeremy's house)
Candace: ...and, so Stacy and I need a little girl time, and I hope you understand.
(the ray hits Candace and Jeremy, causing the two to be fused together at the waist)
That was weird. So, you'll have to take a raincheck, OK?
(attempts to get up, but fails, due to Jeremy's weight keeping her from doing so)
(screams) We're attached! Stacy's gonna kill me! (gets up and falls on the ground) Phineas and Ferb...

(Switches back to the Flynn-Fletcher backyard. Isabella is getting impatient)
Phineas: Tail wag solenoids, check. Slipper chewing radio controlled by cuspids, check.
Isabella: (sighs) Hey, Phineas? What'cha still doooin'?
Phineas: Just going through a last minute checklist, now that the dog is done.
Isabella: Oh! Does that mean we can, uh, go to the movies?
Phineas: Hey Ferb! Let's fire this puppy up!
(Ferb turns the dog on)
Phineas: (to Isabella) I don't see why not.
Isabella: Great, we can still catch the matinee!
Candace: Phineas! (enters backyard) What have you done?!
Phineas: Well, we've made this giant robotic--
Candace: Just look at us! We are all fused together! (close up of her) See?! I don't care what kind of freaky project you guys are doing! Just get us unstuck!
Baljeet: We could remove you to a sterile environment and get a board certified surgeon to cleanly, and safely preform a gerabotamy.
Buford: We could tie each of you to a monster truck, and drive in opposite directions, worst case scenario, someone loses a torso.
Phineas: Or, we can use the molecular separator.
Candace: That thing you used to separate me from me?
Phineas: Yeah! It worked before. You know, in a completely different set of circumstances.
Candace: Great you guys get on it. (Her phone rings) H-Hey Stacy.
Stacy: Hey BFF, just checking on your ETA.
Candace: About that-
Stacy: Oh no! You had better not be ditching me to hang out with Jeremy again!
Candace: What? On Street Fair day? Haha! No way, sister! I'll be there, and I'll be there early. Ah-haha. Yeah. Alone. Okay? Okay. (She hangs up) Oh crud. Make that molecular whatever and meet me at the coffee shop!
Isabella: Yeah, but the movie almost started --
Candace: (overlapping, leaves) And don't be late! THIS IS YOUR FAULT!
Phineas: I don't know what she's talking about Ferb, but I do know the next thing we're gonna do today! Let's get started on the separator.
(Isabella frowns)

Doofenshmirtz: (Doofenshmirtz and Perry circle each other) So here we are, just the two of us at a stalemate. Each looking for something to turn the tide, but what will it be?
Norm: (He walks in carrying a large tray of cupcakes) Cupcakes?
Doofenshmirtz: Oop! Watch this! (He leaps on to the -inator, activating it, then jumps into Norm's arms) Prepare to face the wrath of Normenshmirtz! (Normenshmirtz fires laser at Perry) You can't get away from me now!
Norm:Don't you mean us?
Doofenshmirtz: Hey, don't step on my moment.

Candace: Phineas and Ferb better find a fix for this—Oh!! (Candace sees Stacy, and to hide Jeremy, she pulls up a chair, and throws a tablecloth over him)
Stacy: Hey girlfriend!
Candace: Oh hey Stace!
Stacy: (To the waiter) Two ice teas please. So, Candace, sorry I was so hard on you before. I know you and Jeremy aren't together all the time.
Candace: No, really it's okay. It's nice to have a little space from him. Oh look our drinks.
Waiter: Two ice teas.
Candace and Stacy: Thanks.
(Jeremy snores) Candace: (She covers up Jeremy's lips to stop him from snoring) So, I here there's a ton of vintage clothing stalls at the street fair this year.
Stacy: Yeah, I'm looking for some really cool... Wow, this table's really lumpy.
Candace: Yeah, lumpy tables. It's the new "hip" thing. It's so European.
Jeremy: (moaning) Uhhhh...
Candace: (desperately) Uhhh... Do the Moan, Moan! Yeah! Do the Moan! Come on, Stace, don't you love that song? Do the Moan!
Candace: Hey isn't that that guy from that movie.
Stacy: What? Where? I don't see him! What guy?
Candace: (To Jeremy) Lullaby and goodnight da-da-da-da
Stacy: I don't see anyone.
Candace: That's because he's gone.
Stacy: Candace, why are you acting so nervous? I'm not mad anymore. I'm going to go pay for our drinks. (She leaves)
Candace: Okay. (Stacy returns, and Candace has on a big overcoat to hide Jeremy) Ready?
Stacy: Candace, why are you wearing that coat?
Candace: Brr, that ice tea gave me a chill.
Stacy: Okay, let's go, but you're walking behind me.
Candace: Okie-doke! (She pulls out her phone) Phineas will you hurry, we're heading to the street fair already.

(Normenshmirtz continues firing lasers at Perry, accidentally hitting the Combine-inator, fusing Perry with a nearby tool box.) Doofenshmirtz: I think we're in trouble.
Norm: Sure, now it's "we".

Phineas: Ta-da! Representing the molecular separator! I can't believe how fast we rebuilt this Ferb. Of course breaking the immutable law of physics is always easier the second time around.
Isabella: Great! Does that mean we can go to the movies now?
Phineas: Sure does. The movie theatre is right next to the street fair. All we've got to do is get this to Candace, and separate her from Jeremy.
Isabella: Well what are we waiting for?
Ferb: I believe were waiting for Rover to put the molecular separator down.
Isabella: Hey! (They chase after Rover)
Phineas: Come back here boy!
Buford: This would have never happened if we'd given a monkey a shower. I'm just sayin'.

Song: "Just the Two of Us"
I'm so happy whenever
You and I are together
When it's just the two of us hanging around (around, around around)
Don't need a jazz trio or a string quartet (string quartet)
'Cause you and I are the perfect duet (duet)
vWhen we get together we make such a beautiful sound, yeah.

We don't need nobody else
'Cause we can have fun all by ourselves
It's just the two, it's just the two of us today
It's just the two, it's just the two of us today

It's just the two, it's just the two of us
And I always want it to stay
Just the two of us

(Perry unscrews one of norms arms)
Norm: Hey! That hurt!
Doofenshmirtz: Ahh! He's armed!
Norm: With my arm!
(Perry fires a couple of shot, then launches the arm at Normenshmirtz, who crashes into the Combine-inator, causing it to fire hitting perry, merging him with his former trap. Normenshmirtz tries to get up, but they end up breaking the hammer)
Norm: Balsa wood?
Doofenshmirtz: It was on sale. It's locked into overload.
(The -inator begins firing, merging Normenshmirtz with a refrigerator.)
Norm: (Opening the door to the refrigerator) Would you like a nice, frosty beverage?
Doofenshmirtz: Hey! (He closes the door) That's private!

(At the Street Fair)
Phineas: Split up guys. Maybe we can corner him.
Phineas and Isabella: (After cutting Rover off) A-ha!
(Rover turns around, and gets cut off by Buford and Baljeet)
Buford and Baljeet: A-ha!
Buford: He's coming your way!

Candace: I'm running out of hiding places. (She spies a dressing room, and hides Jeremy behind the curtain)
Stacy: Hey! I found all kinds of cute things! Move over, I'm going to try them on.
Candace: No! Uh... I can see they fit you perfectly.
Stacy: Candace! Are you karate-chopping me?! What's going on?

Phineas: Heal boy! (Rover stops) Go ferb! (Ferb runs up, and yanks a few wires out from Rover, causing him to shut down and drop the molecular seperator from his mouth)
Phineas: (Slow motion) No!
Candace: (Slow motion) No!
(Ferb blinks in slow motion)
Isabella and Buford: (Slow motion) No!
Baljeet: How is everyone doing that?!
(The molecular separator hits the ground, and sends out a field of separation)

Doofenshmirtz: (Now disconnected) Hey, I can feel my knees again!
(Norm crashes on top of him)
Norm: I'm sorry.
(The refrigerator crashes on them both)
Doofenshmirtz: So cold...

Candace: Okay, listen Stacy, there was this blast, and I was sitting next to Jeremy, and somehow we got--
Stacy: Jeremy. Jeremy. Jeremy. Tell me later I want to try this on.
(She opens the curtain)
Candace: Stacy, honest I really wanted to spend the day with you but... (She sees that there Jeremy isn't in the booth) But...? But? And we were? Uh... never mind.
Jeremy: Candace?
Candace: Jeremy!
Jeremy: I know this is a weird question, but do you have any idea how I got here.
Candace: Jeremy, don't worry, I promise I'll explain everything later, but right now you've gotta get out of here. (pushes him away) I'll call you later...I mean, tomorrow. Phew...
(Pause, then...)
Stacy: (peeks out from dressing room) By the way, the best part was when you used him as a table. (closes curtain) BUSTED!

Isabella: So, we, uh, got everything sorted out now.
Phineas: Yeah, want to catch that movie?
Isabella: Oh Phineas...

(The satellite discharges a Combine-inator beam)

Phineas: (To Ferb) Okay, bro, I guess I'll see you back at the house.
(The beam hits Phineas and Ferb, fusing them)
Isabella: Oh. My. Gosh.
Phineas: Hey! Does this mean we can all go now?
Ferb: Yes. Yes it does.

Credits roll

We don't need nobody else
'Cause we can have fun all by ourselves
It's just the two, it's just the two of us today
It's just the two, it's just the two of us today

It's just the two, it's just the two of us
And I always want it to stay
Just the two of us

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