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Chez Platypus/Transcript

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(Scene opens up showing the Flynn-Fletcher house, and a sunrise behind it.)
(Gurgling)
Phineas: Ferb, what's that noise? (Gurgling continues) Is that your stomach?
(Ferb nods his head twice)
Phineas: Yeah, I'm hungry, too. That trendy restaurant Mom and Dad took us to last night wasn't exactly satisfying.
(Flashback)
Phineas: Dad, can I borrow your glasses? I can't see my entrée. You know, because it's so small.
Lawrence: Yes, I think we got that.
(End flashback)
Phineas: How hard is it to have a trendy restaurant that's fun to go to, and has great food? That's it. I know what we're gonna do today, Ferb.
(Stomach grumbling)

(Scene shifts to Candace's room)
Candace: (Phone rings) S'up, Stace?
Stacy: Candace, are you sitting down? I don't want you to have an aneurism.
Candace: Why would I have an aneurism?
Stacy: 'Cause someone just IM'd me that someone else heard someone else overhear that Jeremy is gonna call you and ask you out for a special evening tonight! (Both squeal) Candace, do you need medical attention?
Candace: Oh. I need attention... from the doctor of love!
Stacy: Paging Dr. Jeremy.
Candace: Doctor, I got a fever.
Stacy: (Deep voice) Well, let me take care of that, little lady.
(Both laugh)
Candace: Wow, a special evening. (Phone beeps) It's my call waiting.
(Both scream)
Linda: Honey, just calling to remind you...
(Phone beeps)
Candace: Uh, it wasn't him.
Stacy: Don't worry, he'll call.

(Scene shifts to the backyard)
Isabella: Hi, Phineas. What'cha doin'?
Phineas: Ferb and I decided to build a restaurant. Hey, you could be our hostess!
Isabella: Hmm. What'cha eatin'?
Phineas: You guys can bus tables. Baljeet can be our soda jerk.
Baljeet: I make a mean milkshake!
Phineas: Ferb will be our chef.
Buford: Hey, I can work the velvet rope. (holds it out) I never leave home without my velvet rope.
Phineas: Uh... where do you keep that?
Buford: I'll never tell.
Isabella: So, what's the name of your restaurant?
Phineas: Chez Platypus, of course! By the way, where's Perry?


(Scene shifts to Perry's lair. Monogram is on his cell phone, trying to get a reservation at a restaurant.)
Major Monogram: What? Nothing available for tonight? Oh, never mind. (To Perry) Er, sorry, Agent P. It's date night tonight with the wife, and if I don't figure out something special to do, I'm royally in the doghouse.
Carl: Rreow! Pkshh!
Major Monogram: Carl! Anyway, Agent P, sources indicate Dr. Doofenshmirtz is up to one of his evil schemes. I need you to get out there and put a stop to it. Good luck.


(Scene shifts back to Candace's room)
(Song: "Do Nothing Day" ringtone)
Beautiful, kind, and gentle...
Candace: (Gasps) Jeremy's dreamy pre-set ringtone! Hello? Hello?
Jeremy: Candace?
Candace/Jeremy: (In unison) This is Candace/Candace, it's Jeremy. Jeremy? Candace? (Both laugh) Okay, you go. Okay, you talk, you talk. (Both laugh)
Jeremy: Okay, so, I was wondering if you wanted to do something tonight? Just the two of us?
Candace: (Giggles, squeals) Sure. That'd be great.
Jeremy: Well, awesome! Uh, so I'll pick you up later?
Candace: Bye.
Jeremy: Okay, bye.
Candace/Jeremy: (In unison) Yes!
Candace: (Power tools buzzing) Oh, no. (Candace sticks her head out the window) Listen, you twerps. Sometimes your stuff messes with my stuff, and tonight I got some big stuff going on. So you leave your stuff out there, and leave my stuff alone, or you'll get some of this stuff! Get it?!
Phineas: So, are we pairing the chicken entrée with the soup?


Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.!
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, Perry the Platypus! You must have noticed how I reinforced the locks, but, you know, not the door. Well, let's just get you out of... You're... You're really trapped in here, just... Just like I planned, obviously. So let me tell you my latest scheme. I'm so tired of all these happy couples around me, romantic and laughing, mocking me with their happiness. Well, not anymore. My De Love-inator satellite will eliminate the feeling of love in the entire Tri-State Area. All I have to do is press this button. It would be so easy to press it right now. It would be so simple, but, you know, I've got a date tonight, and I like to stay optimistic. But if we don't hit it off, I'm definitely gonna ruin it for everyone else.
(Elevator dings; Door slamming on floor)


(Scene shifts to the Flynn Fletcher house.)
(Jazzy piano)
Candace: Hi.
Jeremy: Hi. Ready?
Candace: I'm, like, so looking forward to tonight. A special evening, just the two of us. So, what do you have planned? Horseback riding? I just love horseback riding. Oh, you stopped.
Jeremy: Ta-da! Your brothers have opened the trendiest restaurant in town, and this is where I'm taking you.
Candace: Oh. Uh, really? Heh. How... fun.
Jeremy: Well, i-if you prefer to do something else...
Candace: Well...
Woman: Platypus-themed restaurants are so now, so wow. It will be a miracle if we get in.
Man: Cool.
Candace: Let's definitely eat here. But no way are we waiting in this line. I practically own the place. (To other people in line) Come on! Outta my way, people! VIP coming through! (To Buford) All right, Buford, make with the rope and let us in.
Buford: Name?
Candace: It's me.
Buford: "Me" who?
Candace: I'm Candace. Candace Flynn?
Buford: You're not on the list. You should have made a reservation yesterday.
Candace: This restaurant didn't exist yesterday. I demand to be let in right now.
Buford: Good evening, sir.
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, I forgot to make a reservation.
Buford: No problem, dude.
Candace: Did that guy just bribe you?
Buford: He didn't bribe me. He just caught my attention in a monetary fashion. Now, back in line.

(Inside Chez Platypus...)
Isabella: Right this way to your table, sir.
Phineas: Hey, Isabella. Have you seen Perry?
Isabella: No, not lately.
Phineas: Hmm.

Doofenshmirtz: So I noticed in your online profile that you say you like tall men. Is--? Is--? Is that true?
Doofenshmirtz's date: That's right. And you're not very tall at all.
Doofenshmirtz: Well, I-I'm 6'2". I slouch.
Doofenshmirtz's date: My last date was 6'9". Now, that's a good-looking man. But I'll be honest, I've never been able to resist a man in a lab coat.
Doofenshmirtz: (Gasps) Really? Look. Look, I'm wearing one right now.

Phineas: Hey. There you are, Perry. We've gotta put you in your place of honor.

Doofenshmirtz's date: I'm usually extremely attracted to blonds.
Doofenshmirtz: I-I see.
Doofenshmirtz's date: But there is something about your windblown style that gives me goose bumps.
Doofenshmirtz: Really? Well, I-I must say, it's quite a bit of work in the morning, you know, but apparently worth it.

Phineas: There you go, Perry. Now everyone can see you.
(Song: "Quirky Worky Song")
Phineas: Hey, Ferb. We need a chicken special for table five.
(Squeals)

Buford: Enjoy your meal.
Candace: Really. You're letting complete strangers in. I'm the owners' sister. I demand to be let in right now! I'm supposed to be having the time of my life!
Jeremy: Candace? I really don't mind waiting a bit. It's actually kinda fun just hanging out here with you.
Candace: Oh, really?
Buford: All right, next party, step this way.
Candace: Oh, come on!


Doofenshmirtz: So, how do you feel about evil?
Doofenshmirtz's date: Huh? That's a weird question.
Doofenshmirtz: Is it? I-I'm just making conversation.
Doofenshmirtz's date: But I love it. Look.
Doofenshmirtz: You have an evil tattoo. Look, look, look, just like mine.
Doofenshmirtz's date: I can't believe we have so much in common. Y-you know, I don't even put "evil" on my profile anymore because it attracts so many weirdos.
Doofenshmirtz: Don't I know it.


Candace: That's it. I'm calling Mom and making her tell the boys to let us in. (To Linda) Mom, Phineas and Ferb made an exclusive restaurant in the yard and you've got to tell them to tell Buford to let us in.
Linda: Okay, okay, honey. We're just finishing dinner. We'll be home in a minute.
Candace: Argh! (At Jeremy) Jeremy, hold our place in line. I'm going out front to wait for my Mom.
Jeremy: But Candace...


Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus? Oh, looking for my remote, are you? Well, here. Take it. I don't need it anymore. I am in love!
Woman: Sven, I heard a trendy new badger restaurant just opened up the street.
Man: Cool.
People: Ooh, badger restaurant./I love badgers.
Woman: Platypus-themed restaurants are so four hours ago. Let's bail.
Man: Cool.
Boy: I haven't eaten badger in a week.
(Crowd chattering)
Ferb: Ah, the public is fickle.
TV Host: Excuse me, young man. I'd like to buy your restaurant. I envision a chain of platypus-themed restaurants as far as the Tri-State Area can see.
Phineas: Heck, dinner service is over. You can have it.


(Perry smashes the remote, which causes the satellite to fall towards Earth.)


Candace: Mom, Dad, the boys have a restaurant in the yard, and they're not letting me in. You've gotta put a stop to it! Come on!
Jeremy: Goodbye!
Phineas: Have fun with the restaurant!
Candace: Uh, guys? Ugh, whatever.
Jeremy: Excuse me, miss. Do you have a table for two?
Isabella: (Giggles) Right this way, sir.
(Piano)
Baljeet: Enjoy.
Jeremy: You know, Candace, I've had a lot of fun in your backyard, but this is the best time yet.
(Candace giggles)
Linda: Oh, look. How adorable! (To Candace) Candace, you want me to put a stop to this?
Candace: No! No, no, no! Go! Shoo! Keep moving, nothing to see here. (To Jeremy) Now, where were we?


(Song: "Happy Evil Love Song")
Doofenshmirtz: Love was once a crazy dream
Now it's my new evil scheme
Doofenshmirtz's date: And I'm as happy as can be

Both: It's the age-old story how an evil boy meets an evil girl
We got a love strong enough to rule the whole wide world
We both maniacally laugh at all the same stuff
I found my other half
Yes, I got an evil half
(La-la-la-la)

Doofenshmirtz: When the robot armies march
Doofenshmirtz's date: To the beating of our hearts
I'm as happy as can be
(Laser blasts)

Both: It's the age-old story how an evil boy meets an evil girl
We got a love strong enough to rule the whole, wide world
We both maniacally laugh at all the same stuff
You can't foil a plan that's built upon evil love
(La-la-la-la)
Doofenshmirtz's date: Ooh
Doofenshmirtz: Evil love
Doofenshmirtz: I have never been so happy in my entire life!
Doofenshmirtz's date: Oh—Heinz-- (Laser zaps) I feel nothing. (stomps away)
Doofenshmirtz: But—But—But—!
Doofenshmirtz's date: (offscreen) Nothing!

End credits

(Song: "Happy Evil Love Song")
Both: It's the age-old story how an evil boy meets an evil girl
We got a love strong enough to rule the whole, wide world
We both maniacally laugh at all the same stuff
You can't foil a plan that's built upon evil Love
(La-la-la-la)
Doofenshmirtz's date: Ooh
Doofenshmirtz: Evil love

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