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(The scene opens with the Flynn-Fletcher house in view, then cuts to Candace's room)
Candace: Okay, Stacy. We've got about ten minutes until Jeremy's party, so you've gotta help me decide. Should I go with this swimsuit or this swimsuit? (Pulls out two swimsuits, only very slightly different colors)
Stacy: Hmm, that's tough. One on hand, if you go with the achromatic pink, it kinda says "Hi, I'm Candace, and I'm bedraggled and pallid". Trust me, you don't want that. I've been both. But, if you go with the more saturated pink, it kinda gives you that "overkill, out-to-kill, my currency is urgency" look.
Candace: I don't want that. I've been all three.
Stacy: Let your subconscious do the deciding. Go with the one you touched first.
Candace: Of course! Stacy, you're a fashion phenom.
Stacy: (Holding a sunflower hat and a fez) Which hat should I go with?
Candace: I don't think it matters.
Stacy: Yeah, you're right, I fuss too much.
(Scene shifts to the living room)
Phineas: (Eating breakfast) Nothing starts off a day better than some breakfast and some education.
TV announcer: (On television) We now return to "Wacky Millionaires Throughout History". Howard Hughes is probably best known for building the Spruce Goose, so-called because of its wooden frame. With a wingspan of 319 feet 11 inches, it still holds the record for being the largest plane ever built.
Phineas: Wow, that's an impressive record. 319 feet 11 inches is just over the length of a football field, and only one afternoon away from being broken. Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today!
(Ferb is shown wearing a mustache and a hair-style like Howard Hughes as he gives a thumbs up.)
(Scene then shifts to the backyard, where Phineas and Ferb are working on the plane.)
Isabella: Hey guys. Whatcha doin?
Phineas: We're makin' the biggest airplane ever!
Isabella: Cool! Coincidentally, we're going for our aeronautics patches.
Phineas: Coincidentally, we could use extra hands.
Isabella: Coincidentally, we're in.
Phineas: We're making our plane out of paper mache with newspaper!
Isabella: Why? To make sure it's newsworthy?
Phineas: (Gang laughs) And red all over!
Buford: (Gang laughs) Oh! Oh, oh, hah, and funny! (Everyone stares at him blankly) Hahahahaha! And funny! You know, 'cause, 'cause, the funnies! Hehe...
Phineas: But seriously, Howard Hughes called his plane the Spruce Goose, 'cause it was made of wood. So, we're gonna call ours "The Paper Pelican", 'cause it's made of newspaper! You know, so it will have a good circulation!
Buford: Aw, come on!
Phineas: Hey, where's Perry?
(Agent P runs over to a flower bed, pushes a flower down, and lands in his seat)
Major Monogram: Ah, Agent P. We just discovered Doofenshmirtz has been stealing bottles from recycling bins, and nothing good can come from that. (Photo of Doofenshmirtz digging through trash cans appears on the monitor) Unless, of course, he's recycling, in which case nothing but good can come from that. Unless, he's recycling it into some hideous weapon, which is something once again no good could come from. Except, of course, for the recycling part, which I guess is still at its essence, good. Even if you're making something evil, it's still reducing the... You know, you know, perhaps we shouldn't even put these good and evil labels on things. Let's just say Doofenshmirtz is doing something neutral. So, just get out there and make sure it stays like that. (Agent P disappears)
(Montage of Phineas and Ferb building the Paper Pelican with their friends. Baljeet steals a newspaper Lawrence is reading)
♪ Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated! ♪
Doofenshmirtz: (The wall flips and Agent P appears) Perry the Platypus? (phone rings) Hello? It's for you, Perry the Platypus. (He ties the phone cord around Agent P) Ha ha, prank call! Now say hello to my new evil weapon: My Evaporator-inator! It's made completely out of recycled materials. It's green... (takes off lab coat to show a recycling sign and "greevil" letters on it in green) ...and evil! I call it, "Greevil." (laughs) Backstory time! You see Perry the Platypus, when I was a young boy, my mother would never let me swim in public pools.
Mrs. Doofenshmirtz: No.
Doofenshmirtz: What? That's it! You know, not every backstory has to have some big in-depth spiel, Mr. High Expectations!
(At Jeremy's house)
Stacy: Wait... (looks at watch) Now! We're exactly fashionably late! (people talking) We're here! This is gonna be so cool!
Stacy: Yeah, totally hey!
Jeremy: (laughs) That is so cool.
Candace: Who's that Jeremy's talking to?
Stacy: I have no idea. I've never seen her before in my life.
Candace: I thought Jeremy invited me to this party.
Stacy: Let's not jump to conclusions yet. (both crawl under everyone and pop up from behind a chair)
Candace: What is Jeremy doing with her?
Stacy: Slow down. Remember how you thought Jeremy was with a girl and she wasn't even a she? And then you ended up on that snowboard all out of control?
Candace: Yeah, but she's obviously a real girl.
Nicolette: So then I got two west African pit vipers, and had to dive off a 300-foot cliff, and swim up through a school of piranha.
Jeremy: That's awesome, Nicolette.
Candace: Stacy, it's conclusion-jumping-to-time. Strategy session, now! (both hide in bushes) She's amazing! She's all exotic and stuff! She has on the same bathing suit as me, only it's brighter and she wears it better. And she dives off cliffs holding poisonous snakes into piranha-infested water! What am I going to do? She's like catnip for boys! She's boynip!
(At the Flynn-Fletcher house)
Phineas: Nicely done, people. Hey, Baljeet, what are the stats on the Spruce Goose again?
Baljeet: The Spruce Goose's wingspan is 319 feet 11 inches.
Phineas: And the Paper Pelican's wingspan is:
Baljeet: 320 feet even!
Phineas: Eat your heart out, Howard Hughes.
(Isabella and Baljeet as flight attendants direct everyone inside)
Both: Welcome aboard. Welcome aboard.
Buford: You'd better have some decent grub on this bucket.
Baljeet: You will be most gratified. (Buford walks in) As long as you find insignificant bags of peanuts gratifying... (slaps himself) Welcome to Wedgieville. Population: me.
(Inside the Paper Pelican)
Phineas: All right, Ferb. Let's go through our pre-flight checklist. Pilots instruments? Check. Copilot's instruments? Ferb: Check.
Phineas: Looks like everything's a go, Ferb. Let's switch her on. Ignition! (pushes a button and the Paper Pelican starts to fly) Adjust angle of departure, check. (Paper Pelican flies off) We've reached cruising altitude. You are now free to move about the cabin.
Isabella: Would you like some peanuts?
Katie: I'll take two packs, please.
Buford: That'd better not be insignificant bags of peanuts.
Baljeet: No! Of course not, sir. (walks off; comes back with a chicken shaped out of peanuts) Here, sir. Try our deluxe peanut chicken. Our motto is: "So peanutty, you will not even taste the chicken!"
♪ So peanutty you won't even taste the chicken! ♪
Buford: I'd better not taste any chicken then, loser. (eats it) All right, you survive. For now.
Baljeet: Oh, thank you, sir.
Stacy: What are you worrying about? You're Candace Flynn!
Candace: Yeah, and she's super cool, foreign accent, snake wrestler, high-diving, natural hottie, Nicolette.
Stacy: Snake wrestler? Whatever. You've fought dinosaurs! You've been to Mars! You've traveled through time!
Candace: Oh, yeah...
Stacy: And as for diving, you been perfecting that quintuple-somersault backflip-jacknife-swandive for a week now. You're Candace Flynn!
Candace: Yeah! (She stands up) I'm Candace Flynn!
Candace: Oh, he remembers my name. How nice.
Isabella and Baljeet: And now, for your in-flight entertainment; The Paper Pelican Floor Show!
(Song: Big Ginormous Airplane)
♪ When we lift off then you'll be tipped off too ♪
♪ How my heart, it soars for you! ♪
♪ Soon you'll be flying, gravity defying ♪
♪ Your dreams will all come true! In the blue! ♪
♪ Flying over cotton-candy clouds ♪
♪ Hanging from a fuselage ♪
♪ A walk on a wing is just the thing ♪
♪ For a high in the sky montage! ♪
♪ So darling, put your goggles on, ♪
♪ And up, up and away we'll fly! ♪
♪ In a big ginormous airplane ♪
♪ In a big ginormous airplane ♪
♪ In a big ginormous airplane ♪
♪ In the sky! ♪
(At Jeremy's pool party)
Candace: From atop of the diving board) There's been a lot of talk around here about diving and snakes and diving with snakes and snakes into pools filled with piranha and sulfuric acid—
Nicolette: I didn't say anything about sulfuric acid.
Candace: Leave all questions to the end of the rant? Thank you.
Doofenshmirtz: Now, say "goodbye" to splashy-pool time fun, forever! Even my power source is greevil. It's solar! Do you mind Perry the Platypus, this is real a two handed job. (He hangs the phone up on Perry. A panel in the floor rotates Perry to a plotted plant, then back to Perry, now free) Ah! Seriously- (Perry kicks Doofenshmirtz in the face, knocking his into his -inator, and firing it in an unintended direction)
Candace: Now, as I was saying before I was so lamely interrupted, I'm going to show everybody a real dare-devil dive. (The Beam from Doofenshmirtz's -inator hits the pool, evaporating it)
Candace: Oh, well that's just not fair!
(The party goers grab their skateboarding gear)
Party goer: Hey cool! It's like a half pipe!
Jeremy: All right!
(People begin skating)
Candace: No! Wait! No! No, I've been practicing diving, not skateboarding! Ugh. Everybody stop doing things that I'm not good at!
(Jeremy falls off his skateboard, launching it to the top of the pool)
Candace: Oh, this is a nightmare, come on Stacy, let's go-- (Candace steps on Jeremy's skateboard, and begins skating in the pool)
Guy: Safety first! (He puts a helmet on Candace)
Guy 2: Safety first! (He gives her elbow and knee pads)
Guy 3: Safety first! (He hands Candace a steering wheel.
Candace: A steering wheel? How is this safe? (The airbag explodes in her face)
(Candace lands on the diving board, launching her onto the roof, down a tree branch and back onto the diving board)
Jeremy: Wow, Candace...
(Doofenshmirtz and Perry the Platypus continue to fight)
Doofenshmirtz: That was your last highly-improbable judo maneuver Perry the Platypus. I will now evaporate-inate you into non existence! (The Paper Pelican flies by covering the sun)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh no! my-my power source! Oh, great now I can't see a thing!
(Perry runs and kicks Doofenshmirtz off the building)
Doofenshmirtz: Curse you Perry the Platypus.
Stacy: WooHoo! Yeah! Go Candace!
Candace: (As she continues to skateboard out of control) Help me! (The Paper Pelican covers up the sun, turning everything dark) I can't see!
(Candace crashes into Jeremy)
(People talk among themselves about the crash)
Phineas: This is your captain speaking; We're beginning our decent.
Baljeet: Okay, everyone. Please return your seats to their upright positions, and please do not panic. As you can see the Paper Pelican is dissolving in water, because it is, after all, made of paper mache. But do not worry, because your seat cushions also function as flotation devices. Thank you for flying with us.
(A panel flips, and Perry appears next to Phineas and Ferb in a seat)
Phineas: Oh, there you are Perry.
Linda: Well everyday eventful in the emergency room. Candace, you really should be more careful.
Candace: Mom, I told you, we had our helmets on. (To Jeremy) So your cousin Nicolette was trapped on a video game level?
Jeremy: Yeah, took her a week to get through it. You didn't really think she did all those things? Candace? Do you mind? (He takes out a pen as to sign her cast)
Candace: Yes! I mean no! I mean... Sign it!.
(Jeremy sign her cast with their initials inside a heart)
Candace: Thanks. Oh, hehe.