(Scene opens with Phineas and Ferb in the backyard of the Flynn-Fletcher house)
Phineas: We'll combine the zipperoo with the terror drop, and move clown town after the Ferris wheel, and we end the whole ride with a house of mirrors bouncy castle. It's great! A city-wide amusement park on a single track. And you only have to wait in line once!
Phineas: Hi Paul!
Paul: Hey boys, you ordered 20 tons of building material?
Phineas: We sure did!
Paul: Okay, sign here. Hmm, thought i had a pen here somewhere...
Phineas: No problem, I'll just use the pen you left here yesterday. (signs form) Ferb and I modified it so you won't lose it again.
Paul: Huh. What did you guys do, install a homing sensor?
Ferb: Actually, we just put a clip on it.
Paul: Cool! Haha, here's your form.
(Switches to Paul driving in his truck)
Paul: Hi, dad. Yes, I just delivered to Phineas and Ferb. Yes. Yes, they are. No, I left them the blue copy.
Paul's Dad: No, son. You always have to leave them the pink copy. The blue copy's yours. You gotta take your job more seriously. Now you're running seven seconds behind!
Paul: Dad, I'm not sure if I really wanna be a delivery guy.
Paul's Dad: Of course you wanna be a delivery guy. You just don't wanna be a delivery guy who's seven seconds behind. Step it up!
Paul: Alright, Dad. Talk to you later, bye. (hangs up phone; turns on radio)
Radio DJ: Hey hey, listeners, the WJOP's party van is out there somewhere in the Tri-State Area. The first lucky listener who spot the party van and say the Phrase that Pays, wins a special prize!
Paul: (radio off) Ooh, here's my next delivery.
♪ Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated! ♪
Paul: What a weird looking building. (goes into Evil Incorporated to find that the elevator has broken down) Out of order? Great! (struggles up the many flights of stairs) (knocks)
Doofenshmirtz: (from inside) It's open~.
Paul: (goes in with the package) Helloo. Delivery. (a cage falls from above, trapping him in a platypus-sized cage)
Doofenshmirtz: Hey, you're not Perry the Platyp- oh fine, (retracts the trap) but I was expecting someone else.
Paul: No problem. Happens to me all the time.
Doofenshmirtz: Really? (signs the form)
Paul: I'm just kidding.
Doofenshmirtz: Aaa-ah. Hey nice clip.
Paul: Thanks. Well I, I like your place. What do you do here?
Doofenshmirtz: Well I, you know, different things, but today I'm building a Juice-inator (shows Paul the Inator) It's going to turn City Hall into juice!
Paul: Oho, is it now?
Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, then I'm gonna take over the Tri-State Area! You know, like you too.
Paul: Well, at least you got a plan. I haven't figured out what I'm gonna do with my life.
Doofenshmirtz: Don't sell yourself short, perhaps you can be one of my minions! Not an indoor minion, but a minion that keep the coalfires burning.
Paul: Yeah, I'm not sure that's a step up. Here you go (hands blue copy then leaves)
Doofenshmirtz: You should take up on that offer! Miniony! It's a growth industry. (looks at the blue copy in his hand) Oh, he forgot to leave me the pink copy.
Paul: (as he gets inside his truck) Juice City Hall, what a character.
(drives away when he passes Phineas and Ferb inside their new fun ride)
Phineas: Hi Paul. (Paul waves at him)
Paul: That's what they did with the building material!
Radio DJ: We're still looking for that first listener to spot WJOP's party van, and say the Phrase that Pays--
(stops as sudden crash is heard when the back of Paul's truck is rammed by a van)
Paul: (getting off his truck to see the van) Hey, you're the WJOP party van!
Radio DJ/Party Van Driver: Hey, you're the first listener to spot us!
Paul: Wow! If only I knew the phrase that pays.
Radio DJ: (taps his bell) That's it baby. The phrase that pays is The Phrase That Pays! You win the grand prize!
Paul: I won? I won! (fanfare) What did I win?!
Radio DJ: The band Love Händel will play at your job! (van opens to show the band inside)
(Song: You Snuck Your Way Right Into My Heart)
♪ You snuck your way right into my heart ♪
Paul: That's impossible! I work..on a truck..
(Moments later in Paul's truck)
(Song: The Ballads of Paul - 1st Stanza)
Love Händel: ♪ He keeps two hands firmly on the wheel ♪
♪ At ten and two or nine and three ♪
♪ He signals when he's changing lanes ♪
♪ He's adjusting mirrors so he can see ♪
♪ He's driving safe (He's a safe driver) ♪
♪ He's driving safe (He's a safe driver) ♪
Paul: (answering to the headset over the band noise) Uh, hello?
Paul's Dad: I got a complaint from the City Hall, they haven't got their package yet.
Love Händel: ♪ He's driving safe (He's a safe driver) ♪
♪ He's driving safe (He's a safe driver) ♪
Paul: Sorry Dad. I had a delay, but, but I'm on my way.
Love Händel: ♪ He's on his way, Yeah, yeah, he's on his way ♪
(The truck stops at a crosswalk, where Irving was just going to cross with his scrapbook in hand)
(Song: The Ballads of Paul - 2nd Stanza)
Love Händel: ♪ There's a dweeb in the crosswalk ♪
♪ Good thing we stopped in time ♪
♪ He's into his computers ♪
♪ Yeah, he's into sci-fi ♪
♪ He's into sci-fi! ♪
Irving: For your information, it's not sci-fi, it's speculative fiction.
(Song: The Ballads of Paul - 3rd Stanza)
Love Händel: ♪ Speculative fiction is such an addiction! Speculative fiction! ♪
(Irving walks away and scene shifts to the City Hall)
(Song: The Ballads of Paul - 4th Stanza)
Love Händel: ♪ We're going to the City Hall next to the Danville Mall! ♪
Roger: Finally you're here with my box.
Paul: You know, Mayor Doofenshmirtz, I just delivered a package to a Heinz Doofenshmirtz.
Roger: (signs the form) Yes that's my older brother. Charming...man.
Paul: That box is really light.
Roger: That's because it's empty. I just needed a box. My cat loves to play with them.
(Song: The Ballads of Paul - 5th Stanza)
Love Händel: ♪ Kitty in a box, kitty in a box ♪
♪ Almost as cool as a genie in a box! ♪
Roger: Are they with you?
Paul: (sighs) Yes. Yes they are.
(Back in the van)
Paul: Well guys, like I was sayin', I'm not sure that I'm totally fulfilled as a delivery guy.
(Song: The Ballads of Paul - 6th Stanza)
Love Händel: ♪ He's not sure that he's totally fulfilled as a delivery guy (He's not sure) ♪
Paul: There's a whole world of things to do out there.
Love Händel: ♪ There's a whole world of things to do out there! ♪
(Passes Phineas and Ferb's new fun ride again)
Paul: I mean, look at..look at those kids.
Love Händel: ♪ Look at those kids- ♪
Danny: Hey, we know them. Hey Phineas! Hey Ferb! (all three waves at the kids)
Phineas: Hey guys!
Paul: (to the band) And you guys. What did you really want?
(Song: The Ballads of Paul - 7th Stanza)
Love Händel: ♪ We're hungry and we wanna eat! ♪
♪ We're hungry and we wanna... ♪
Paul: Fine. (drives the truck to the nearest food stand)
(Scene changes to Candace and Jeremy at Mr. Slushy Dawg's as she relays her busting plan with a map)
Candace: So at this point I can grab Mom in her hair appointment and bring her over where I think the boys are heading. And calculating we'll go by that weird looking --- downtown, at exactly 4.59 pm.
Jeremy: Candace, I'd really like to help you with your latest busting endeavor, but I have customers waiting. (points to the band singing in line)
Love Händel: ♪ We're hungry and we wanna eat! ♪
Paul: (answers his phone) Hey Dad, I'm just stoppin' for lunch (listens, then closes phone) He said we have another delivery for Heinz Doofenshmirtz. We gotta go back to headquarters and pick it up.
Love Händel: ♪ We'll take that to go, with extra dipping sauce ♪ (Swampy: Honey barbeque!)
(Paul is tired from climbing up the many flights of stairs in Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated)
Woman: (coming out of elevator, then sees Paul on the floor) You know, they fixed the elevator.
(Paul notices that the door's been broken, then he comes in)
Paul: Delivery! Again.
Doofenshmirtz: Oh goody, it's arrived. One last part for my Juice-inator.
Paul: Oh right, you're still on that juice thing.
Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, my Juice-inator, my giant menacing machine that will turn City Hall into juice, completely discrediting and embarrassing my brother the Mayor at his 5pm media event. Step One, in my evil scheme to take over The TRI-STATE AREA!!
Paul: Wow. You've a rich fancy life, doncha?
(Cut to Perry taking off his fedora and reaching inside.)
Doofenshmirtz: (offscreen) I've been told so. Do you have a pen?
Paul: (offscreen) Yes, I do.
(Cut to shot of inside Perry's fedora to reveal empty spaces where his tools should be.)
Doofenshmirtz: (offscreen) Oh, I remember this baby. Y'know, if I had a clip like that on my pen, I'd never lose it.
(Cut back to Doof and Paul.)
Paul: I think your little, uh...What is that, a dachshund?
(Cut to Perry trying to break his cage open.)
Paul: (offscreen) Looks like he doesn't wanna be in that cage.
(Cut back to Paul and Doof.)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, him? No, no, he likes it. (giving back the clipboard) Here ya go. (takes the package) I'll take that. Thanks for everything. See ya.
(Cut to the hallway.)
(Crash! Cut to reveal Love Händel at the door of the stairs out of breath and on the ground.)
Paul: Why don't you use the elevator? (walks in and pushes down) Got a song for that?
Danny: Actually, we do!
Love Händel: ♪ We just climbed up sixty-five flights! ♪
(Cut to OWCA Headquarters.)
Paul: (offscreen) The last delivery of the day. (cut to Paul and Love Händel walking up to the door) OWCA, the Organization Without a Cool Acronym. Boy, they aren't kidding.
(Paul rings the doorbell and the entrance drops down. Cut to Paul and Love Händel sliding down a tube.)
(Song: The Ballads of Paul - 8th stanza)
Love Händel: ♪ Sliding down a tube, yeah ♪
♪ Sliding down a tube ♪
♪ Sliding, sliding down a tube ♪
(Cut to Major Monogram and Carl in the main office.)
Major Monogram: Great googly moogly! A distress signal! Agent P is really trapped! Why won't he use the bevy of tools and weapons conveniently located in his hat?
(Carl puts his fingers in his mouth nervously. Paul and the band approach them.)
Carl: (squeaky) Um, I'm gonna sign for the package.
Major Monogram: Carl, your voice just got squeaky! I know that squeaking!
Carl: (to Paul) Uh, where do I sign?
Major Monogram: Carl, what are you not telling me?
Carl: Sir, Agent P doesn't have his hat tools. I took them out to clean and repair them.
Major Monogram: Something inside me just broke.
Carl: (reaching offscreen) I have the tools right here.
Major Monogram: Well, what good are they to him here? Poor Agent P, he's just a platypus trapped in a cage. Wearing a tiny hat, a little fedora...
(Song: The Ballads of Paul - 9th stanza)
Love Händel: ♪ A platypus in a fedora... ♪
Major Monogram: ...trapped by an evil scientist...
Love Händel: ♪ In a weird looking building... ♪
Major Monogram: ...intent on juicing City Hall.
Love Händel: (to Paul) ♪ Hey, you know that guy! ♪
Paul: Hey, I know that guy! I've seen your friend!
Love Händel: ♪ It took you long enough! ♪
Major Monogram: All of our other agents are busy out in the field. If-If only there was a way to get these tools to Agent P.
Carl: Yeah, before Doofenshmirtz juices City Hall in seven minutes!
Love Händel: ♪ Seven minutes! ♪
Paul: Hightail just happens to have a seven-minute delivery! I can get those tools to your friend! I've never used it, but here's the 237 form. Sign at the bottom here, here's a pen, initial this on page two.
Love Händel: ♪ Sign on the bottom! ♪
Paul: Put those tools in here! I've got the regulation box!
Love Händel: ♪ It's a regulation box! ♪
Paul: Aaaand you keep the pink copy. The blue copy's mine!
Major Monogram: Good luck, young man! (they leave) We could use someone like him at the Agency. Carl, why don't we have a soundtrack band?
Love Händel: ♪ Here's our card! ♪
(Cut to outside OWCA. The delivery truck speeds away. Cut to inside the truck.)
Paul: Schedule's gotta wait, Dad! I have a special delivery to make!
Love Händel: ♪ Paul's on his way to deliver some tools ♪
♪ To a platypus in a fedora ♪
♪ He's on his way ♪
♪ He's gotta save the day ♪
♪ He's only got seven minutes! Wishes he had more-a! ♪
♪ He's on his way and we're singing what he's doing! ♪
♪ So it looks like we might have a new career before us! ♪
♪ He's on his way! I guess we are, too! ♪
♪ From a pop-metal band to a rockin' Greek chorus! ♪
Paul: Rush hour! Tape yourselves together, boys! I've got an idea!
(Paul opens the sunroof and swings a roll tape like a lasso onto one of the amusement ride cars. He rides it, bringing the band with him.)
Phineas: Hey, Paul!
Paul: Hey, kids! Just hitchin' a ride! (Once they approach D.E.I., he cuts the tape apart.) Right, here's good. Thanks, guys!
Phineas: (offscreen) See ya, Paul!
(Paul rolls on the balcony and approaches Agent P with the package.)
Paul: Here ya go, dude! Sign here.
(Perry signs the clipboard and Paul gives him the pink copy. Perry opens the package and takes out the small wrench and unlocks the cage. He then takes the clipboard and throws it at Doof.)
Doofenshmirtz: And... (The clipboard latches onto the lever.) Hey! (Perry punches Doof.) Perry the Platypus?! Take that! (Doof pulls a lever and Perry falls through a trap door.) You won't get out of there in time to stop me! (He pulls the lever on the inator. Cut to a wide shot to reveal Paul taping the inator shut.) What? What are you doing up there?
Paul: Just wrapping up a few loose ends!
Doofenshmirtz: Wow! Metaphorical and literal!
(Perry gets out of the trap door.)
Paul: Little dude, we should get outta here.
Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, Perry the Platypus and Paul the Delivery Guy!
Paul: Paul the Mobile Logistics Technician!
Doofenshmirtz: Well, excuuuuuuuse me!
(Kaboom! The building and the ride track turn into juice.)
Doofenshmirtz: (tasting the juice) Mmm...tastes like pineapple. (Love Händel swims by him.) Hey, Love Händel!
Bobbi: Hey, guys, we're covered in juice and packing tape! What does that remind you of?
Sherman: Detroit, 1984! (High fives Danny) Whoo!
(Cut to Candace's failed bust attempt.)
Linda: I can't believe you made me leave my hair appointment for this!
Candace: But...but...it's juice! (to Phineas) What do you know about this?
(Phineas and the gang shrug their shoulders.)
(Cut to OWCA Headquarters. Monogram and Carl are waiting outside. Perry and Paul hang-glide over to them.)
Major Monogram: Excellent work, young man! Excellent! Y'know, it's unprecedented, uh, you being a human, but I'd like to offer you a job at the Agency. What do you say, son? Ya wanna fight evil?
Paul: Thanks, but no thanks. I've found how I can contribute to the world. By being a mobile logistics technician!
Carl: That's a delivery guy, sir.
Major Monogram: I know what it is! (Perry reaches down and picks up Paul's pen.) Huh, nice pen.