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Doofapus/Transcript

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(Scene opens up showing Phineas, Ferb, and Isabella in front of an Exotic Smoothies truck.)
Vendor: That's one exotic dragon-fruit smoothie for you, (at Baljeet) and one for you!
Phineas: I'm just saying as a non-sequitur, a talking zebra just seems a little.
Isabella: Forced?
Phineas: Yeah! Forced.
Baljeet: Mmm! The sweet taste of an unusual and exotic smoothie!
Buford: You know, this smoothie isn't really unusual or exotic. It's about as exotic as a stay-cation with Aunt Meryl!
Baljeet: But, Buford, your postcard said that she had a pool.
Buford: She has a patio.
Isabella: Tomorrow, we should work on Buford's penmanship.
Baljeet: Actually, most would consider dragon-fruit to be that exotic, indeed. (Buford starts to imitate Baljeet) Known for its dazzling flowers, it is actually the fruit of several... (Sees Buford mocking him) What are you doing? Stop. Stop that. Stop. Stop it. Stop. (Baljeet starts drinking his smoothie, and Buford mocks him as well) Stop that.
Isabella: You know, Buford's kind of right. These smoothies are sort of exotic, but I think we can do better. What do you think, Phineas?
Phineas: What do I think? (Ferb tries to talk, but is halted by Phineas) Don't answer that. Guys, I know what we're going to do today! I wonder what kind of smoothie Perry would like?


(Cuts to the backyard. Perry puts on his fedora and his helmet. He then pulls a tricycle out of the bushes, and begins to ride it. He rings the bells and then goes to an underground tunnel, and through the parking garage. He then goes to the elevator that leads him to his lair. He parks his tricycle by chaining it to the bike racks)
Major Monogram: Come in. Sit down, Agent P. We have a serious problem. It seems that someone, and I'm not saying who, someone has spilled on the couch in the lobby.
Carl: Sir, I..
Major Monogram: A very expensive couch when we bought it in 1985.
Carl: Sir, all I did was turn the cushion over. The stain was already...
Major Monogram: If the responsible party is present...
Carl: Sir, it was Agent M. He spilled a latte in 1990.
Major Monogram: Ugh. We were hoping to get him here a couple of years out of that couch...
Carl: Anywho?
Major Monogram: Anywho, our surveillance operatives have been getting some mixed signals from Doofenshmirtz. He was observed at the Danville Library, checking out books on Eastern Australia and hydrostatic cell fusion. We haven't come up with any ideas about what he's up to...
Carl: Maybe he's trying to recreate Pangaea, sir
Major Monogram: Like I said, we haven't come up with anything yet. So, we need you to get in there, and find out. Good luck, and be careful out there


(Cuts to the backyard with Isabella, Phineas, and Ferb with something covered)
Phineas: Okay, everyone! Ferb and I developed a device that can literally turn any solid into liquid, so we can enjoy all sorts of new and unusual flavors. Isabella?
Isabella: Abracapocus!
(Takes off the blanket and reveals nothing)
Phineas: Wow! That was really impressive!
Isabella: I just got my magic patch. Let's try this again.
(Unveils the device)
Phineas: Behold! The state of the matter transfer device! All right, Buford, is that chicken ready?
Buford: All set.
(Ferb zaps the chicken to a liquid state)
Isabella: I got ya! There you are. Liquid poultry.
Buford: (drinks it) Mmm. Tastes like chicken.
Phineas: I think we need to try something a little more.
Ferb: Foul?
Phineas: Yeah! No! Exotic!


(Cuts to exterior of Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.)
Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!
(Perry falls into Doofenshmirtz's traps)
Doofenshmirtz: Well, hello, Perry the Platypus! Over here. No, here. Look a-- Look a little more this way. (Poorly imitates Perry's chatter) What do you think? Huh? I've joined you in the genus Ornithorhynchus. That's right, I am a platypus! (Evil laughter) Yeah, hang on. Let me turn off the dramatic lighting. How did this come to be? I'll tell you, since you didn't ask. After years of being bested by your battles, I decided to fight fire with fire, and in both cases, fire means platypus, and with just means with. It was simple; the best way to beat a platypus was to become a platypus. That way, our skills would be evenly matched. So, after a couple of hours of promising experiments and some intricate designs, I finally created the Platyp-inator! Pretty cool, huh? Now, before I defeat you, I think I should further level the playing field. There, now I'm trapped, too. And go! You're not struggling, I said go. We should both be-- (Perry joins in) Yeah, like that. Okay.


(Cut to the backyard)
Phineas: Isabella, you wanna go next?
Isabella: Why, yes. How about a romantic dinner for two? (Ferb zaps the romantic dinner ) Wanna sip, Phineas?
Phineas: Oh, no, thanks.
Isabella: Oh, okay. I understand. You know, you want to keep yourself open to other drink options. I get it.
Phineas: Actually, I didn't want to say anything in front of anybody, but, it's, I don't like zucchini.
Isabella: Oh.

(Cut to Candace's room)
Candace: And that is why we wear white shoes after Labor Day. And I.. (Sees Phineas and Ferb's invention) Oh, I knew it. Phineas and Ferb. Not very impressive, but suspicious. Stacy, I.. I got to go. Oh, and Happy Birthday! Mom! Mom! Mom!

(Cut to laundry room)
Linda: Oh, laundry. Sometimes, I feel like our first president, because I'm washing a ton. (laughs) Ah, yeah.
Candace: Mom! Mom! Mom! You have to come out to the backyard!
Linda: Oh, hey, Candace. I feel like our first president...
Candace: No time for the stand-up routine, Mom. You've gotta come out to the backyard.
Linda: Okay, I'll be right out.
Candace: HURRY!


(Song: "A Platypus Fight")
Let's go!

The time is now,
They're gonna do their dance,
No room for negotiation.
One's got a hat,
Neither has pants,
But there's bears no further explanation.
I think you know what's gonna go down,
Yeah, there's gonna be a platypus throwdown!
Fight, fight! There's a platypus fight!
It's a fracas, it's a fray,
It's a monotreme melee.
Fight, fight! There's a platypus fight!
If you're watching at home,
There's a seven-second delay.
Fight, fight! There's a platypus fight!
It's a duck-billed duel,
It's a beaver-tailed battle.
Fight, fight! There's a platypus fight!
Gonna smack you so hard that your teeth are gonna rattle...
It's a platypus fight!


(Fades to backyard)
Candace: What is this thing? Some sort of souped-up techno-geek camera? I wonder what it... (Candace zaps herself to liquid) Phineas and Ferb! (A bird bathes in Candace's liquid) No! Get off! Ew! (gargles)
Linda: Well that's funny. I could've sworn she said backyard. Oh well. If anyone needs me, I'll be washing a ton. (laughs)
Phineas: Let's see, we've got horseradish, durians, and turmeric.
Isabella: I've got a mountain yam.
Baljeet: I cannot wait to taste liquified sea salt.
Candace: Hey! Watch where you're steering those sneakers, bub!
(Baljeet screams)
Phineas: Candace? You're a smoothie?
Candace: (Multiple Candace puddles) Phineas, you've got to fix this!
Phineas: That is so cool! Uh, what does it feel like?
Candace: It feels like you're in big trouble!
Phineas: Ferb, we're gonna need some sponges and a bucket!


(Cut to Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.)
Doofenshmirtz: Phew! This whole evenly matched thing is exhausting. How about we take a short break? Do you ever get tired of lugging this big tail around? I mean, sure, it's great for fighting, but it's weird for sitting and stuff. I just figure I'd ask you because you know, you would know. Uh, sugar or agave syrup? (Perry points to agave syrup) Here. I don't know if this is fur or really tiny feathers. I can't tell. It's so warm, but it breathes. Well, back at it, I guess. (Both resume fighting)
Fight, fight
There's a platypus fight
It's a fracas, it's a fray,
it's a mo--


(Cut to the backyard)
Phineas: Okay, these are the last drops of her.
Candace: (Inside the bucket) Hurry up and change me before that bird comes back.
Phineas: Sure thing, Candace. We reversed the polarity, and it should do the trick. Now, try not to ripple. (Zaps the bucket)
Candace: This does not feel like the reverse of being a bucket of water.
Phineas: Hmm, so it would seem.
Buford: I don't know, I kinda like her like that. She looks like Cand-berry sauce.
Phineas: We gotta get her back into the right shape before we solidify her. And we're gonna need to adjust the contour in.. (Phineas laughs and sighs) Cand-berry sauce.


(Cut to Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.)
Fight, fight! There's a platypus fight!
It's a duuck-biiiilleeeed... (slow-mo)


(Back to the backyard)
Phineas: Hang in there, Candace. This mold that Buford brought over should help us put her back together.
Baljeet: Tell me again why you have a life-sized mold of Candace.
Buford: I got life-sized molds of all my friends.
Isabella: I'm not so sure how I feel about that.
Phineas: All set, Candace! Now wait right there.
Candace: (Sarcastically) Ha-ha, very funny.
Phineas: Okay, here we go! (Zaps Candace) Candace, come on out!
Candace: (gasps) I'm me! Glorious me! You did it! You guys are soooooooooooooo... (notices Linda, inhales) ooooooo... busted!


(Cut to Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.)
Doofenshmirtz: Okay, Perry the Platypus, this isn't working. I need to become something stronger than a platypus. Let's see, what's-- what's stronger than a platypus? (Gasps) Two platypuses, that's it! I've got just the thing right over here. (Runs to the roof to pull out a sheet covering the -inator to reveal it) Behold! My Double-inator!


(Cut to the kitchen)
Linda: There, nice and clean. Ha! Now we're both a couple of good-looking dishes. Bah-da-da-duh-duh! Thank You! I'll be here all...
Candace: Mom! Mom! Mom!
Linda: Candace, watch this. I was just looking at this plate, and I said, "There, nice and..."
Candace: Not right now! (Candace grabs her mom's hand and drags her to the backyard)
Linda: Candace, my hands are wet.


(Back to Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.)
Doofenshmirtz: I'll just shoot myself with this baby, and then I will have the advantage because there will be two of me.. (Perry attacks Doofapus, which sets off the Double-inator, hitting Phineas and Ferb's invention, making it liquify)
Phineas: Anyone else see that?
Doofenshmirtz: Wonder what that hit. Whatever that is, there's two of them now. Soon there's gonna be two of me, and then nothing can defeat me! Except maybe a bigger platypus made out of metal. Yeah, like that. (grunts) Curse you, Perry the Platypus! Even though I'm also a platypus at this point, and, uh... I hope this wears off soon. The novelty has worn thin.


(Back to the backyard)
Candace: Come on, come on, come on!
Phineas: Oh, hi, Mom!
Candace: I'm sorry Mom, but you've got to see this. Feast your eyes on... (looks and noticed the machine disappeared. Her mood changes) ...puddles.
Linda: Yeah, I saw 'em earlier.
Candace: But, Mom, they had a machine that would turn things into smoothies, and...
Linda: I didn't see it, Candace. (Walks Candace with her)
Candace: And Buford had a mold, of me!
(Perry enters and switches to pet mode)
Linda: (taking Candace inside) Buford's got molds of all of us, Candace.
Phineas: Oh, there you are, Perry!
(Perry chatters)


(Cut to Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, well. I guess at least I'm back to normal.
Doofenshmirtz's clone: Me, too!
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, good for you... (Exclaims)

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