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Dude, We're Getting the Band Back Together/Transcript

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Part I

Linda: So you really don't know what day it is?
Lawrence: I told you, it's Thursday.
Linda: It is more than just another Thursday, Lawrence.
Lawrence: Then it must be...the day I realized how cute you are when you're angry? (Phineas and Ferb stare at each other)
Linda: I'm going to get my hair done. I'll be back at 2. Maybe you can figure it out before I get home.
Lawrence: Oh, I wonder what all the fuss is about.
Candace: Ahem.
Lawrence: Huh?
Candace: June 15th. It's your wedding anniversary!
Lawrence: Ooh! Egads! Wait, wait! I can fix this!
Phineas: Gee, Candace, isn't this a lot of fuss to make over a date?
Candace: Are you kidding? Anniversaries are very important. Take June, for example. On the 3rd, Jeremy spoke to me for the first time back in the 7th grade. May 6th, he brushed up against me in the hall. Oh, and April 3rd - that's the day he laughed so hard, milk came out of his nose! (laughs) He looked so cute.
Phineas: Hey, Dad, can we help?
Lawrence: Well, I'm afraid not, unless you can perform miracles.
Phineas: What's your budget?
Lawrence: Tell, me boys, what would you get a special woman on her anniversary?
Candace: Oh, please! Asking two boys for romantic advice? Now that's just pathetic. Don't you and Mom have any cherished memories?
Lawrence: Oh, yes. I've got just the thing in here. (begins rummaging around in his toolbox)
Candace: (at Phineas and Ferb, under her breath) He keeps his treasured memories in a toolbox.
Lawrence: Your mother's favorite band. Love Händel.

(Flashback to Linda and Lawrence in the crowd in a huge stadium, looking much younger and wearing very 90's clothing.)
(rock ballad)
Lawrence: (voice over) I bought us tickets to their farewell concert. Oh, we were a handsome, stylish couple back in those days.
Danny: So which lucky couple out there will be caught in our flamin' hot spotlight of love?
(The spotlight hits Linda and Lawrence, who both look surprised.)
Lawrence: (voice over) I'd never so much as held your mother's hand, but that night, I made my move.
Danny: Well, don't just stand there, man. Kiss her. (Lawrence looks up at Danny, still confused, but Linda kisses him. The crowd cheers.)
Danny: You snuck your way right into my heart
(End flashback...)
Lawrence: Truly that was an evening I will never, ever forget.
Candace: But you did forget, didn't ya?
Lawrence: (groans) But Love Händel broke up years ago. Some things can never be recaptured.
Phineas: That's it! I know what we're gonna do today. We're gonna make it their best anniversary ever. Hey, where's Perry?


(Perry enters his lair and puts on his fedora.)
Major Monogram: Ah, there you are, Agent P. We've learned some alarming information. Several suspicious items have been purchased by the Doofenshmirtz Corporation. They include: an industrial-grade air compressor, 20 canisters of helium oxide and 400 pounds of fireworks. Get right on it.
Perry!


(Back at home, the boys are watching a documentary on Love Händel.)
Narrator: (over a rock ballad) For a moment, their ballad, "Snuck Your Way Into My Heart", snuck its way to number one and stayed there for 11 consecutive minutes. But whatever happened to Love Händel? The band was riding high, but tastes were changing, and Love Händel found itself playing smaller and smaller venues. Pressures from a dwindling fan base caused in-fighting among the band members. Lines were drawn. Then lines were crossed. Eventually the lines were erased, and the piece of paper crumpled up and thrown away, and Love Händel was no more. Years later, Love Händel's music continues to warm the hearts of an appreciative public. Bass player Bobbi Fabulous now runs a trendy hair salon, drummer Swampy works quietly at the public library, and only lead singer Danny is still a player in the music industry. (The screen shows a picture of Danny's Music Shop.)
Candace: I've seen that sign. It's down on Main Street.
Phineas: We'll get him to sing for Mom! Ready, team? (holds out his hand)
Candace: Team? Oh, no, I am not getting involved in one of your crazy schemes.
Phineas: Come on, Candace. For true love? (Blinks at her pleadingly)
Candace: Ugh!
(She puts her hand on top of Phineas' anyway.)
Phineas: Candace, you keep Mom away from the house. We'll go get Danny.


(Lawrence is searching for a short notice solution to his anniversary problem in the phone book.)
Lawrence: Ooh. "Love on the Run. Romantic solutions for every occasion."
Phineas: (overlapping) Hey, Dad, we're gonna throw a rock concert in the backyard, okay?
Lawrence: Yes. Well, be careful.
Phineas: Come on, Ferb.


Candace: (cell phone rings) Oh, hey, Stacy. I can't talk right now. My brothers and I are reforming Love Händel for a concert in our backyard.
Stacy: Love Händel? That's my mother's favorite band! (phone beeps) Hey, Mom, did you know Love Händel is reforming?
Dr. Hirano: Love Händel? (expands to numerous people talking) Love Händel? Love Händel? Love Händel?


Doofenshmirtz Abandoned Self Storage!
(Perry's theme is playing, rock-style, until he lands his jetpack and sees what Doofenshmirtz is doing. Rather than something evil, he is hanging a large sign reading "Happy Birthday, Vanessa!" A record needle scratches.)
Doofenshmirtz: (gasps) Perry the Platypus. Quick, could you hand me that staple gun right over there? Thank you. Ahh... So what do you think? It's for my daughter Vanessa's birthday. I try to throw her a party every year. (He pulls out a roll of pictures, each with an unhappy Vanessa at an excessively girly party.) I know we usually go about our daily battle of good versus evil, but instead, could you maybe help me set up the party for my little girl? Please?
(A montage of Doofenshmirtz and Perry setting up for the party plays to a bouncy song.)


Phineas: Danny's Music Shop. Ferb, this looks like the place.
Danny: ( strumming) No. No. No. No. No. This is a rock-'n'-roll guitar for rock-'n'-roll music.
Customer: Whatever.
Danny: Okay, run. The power of rock too scary for you, I see.
Phineas: Uh, you must be Danny of Love Händel, right?
Danny: Always an honor to be recognized by my fans. Hey, aren't you a little young to be fans of Love Händel?
Phineas: Yes, we are, but our parents aren't. Don't you think you were a little tough on that guy?
Danny: Oh, he'll be back... when the spirit calls him!
Phineas: Wow, you sure are passionate about rock-'n'-roll.
Danny: Well, it's only my life. Sit down, I'll tell you a little story.

(Song: "History of Rock")

(Blues)
When I was a boy, down in South Illinois,
I heard a man playing blues, oh, what a wonderful noise,
He had an old guitar, but not a dollar to his name,
Making music so sad, but he was happy just the same,
He gave me a wink, and said: "Son, let me share the news,
If you want a happy life, you gotta learn to sing the blues!"

(50s "Boogie-Woogie")
I asked my daddy for a guitar,
Oh, I begged and I plead,
I said I wanted to play the blues, and he just nodded his head,
Daddy said when he was my age,
"Boogie-Woogie" was the thing,
Phineas: Just take the blues, throw out your hip, and add a little swing!
Danny: Ah, music has the power, that without it, he'd a-sworn
That he'd a never met my mom and I'd a-never been born

(Psychedelic guitar solo)
Phineas: So what's this?
Danny: This is Psychedelia. It's where the guitar solo came from.
Phineas: No, I mean what's with all the colors?
(Music suddenly stops)
Danny: I have no idea.

(Funk)
Ha!
I kept learning
All the powers my guitar had
I made it go "walka-walka"
'Till it was so good it was bad
Phineas: Just make a face, and stomp that bass,
You can make that rhythm bump
But this is just the blues, but in a way that makes you wanna shake your rump!
Danny: I can make you clap your hands
(Clap, Clap)
I can make you get up and dance
If you wanna shake your booty, my friend,
You gotta give the funk a chance!

(Metal/Rock)
Metal!
Pound your fist in the air!
Metal!
Bang your head full of hair!
It's crunchy, and it's nasty, full of bad attitude,
Phineas: Your parents will think you're crazy, your neighbors will think you're rude
Danny: Believe it or not, it's all the blues again;
You just add a little fuzz and turn your amp up to 10!
Music has the power to change your life,
Forever!
(Guitar solo)
Shuh!
(Applause)

Thank you, thank you.

Phineas: You know, our parents fell in love at one of your concerts.
Danny: See? Music does change lives.
Phineas: Well, how'd you like to sing for our parents' wedding anniversary?
Danny: That'd be righteous, dude, but good luck getting the other guys.
Phineas: Who can resist the power of rock-'n'-roll?
Danny: Love Händel reunion. Rock on, little dudes.
Customer: The spirit of rock'n'roll has called out to me!
Danny: I knew it. That'll be $1,800.


(Back at the Flynn-Fletcher residence, the "Love on the Run" van has pulled up at the curb.)
Lawrence: Oh, thank goodness you're here.
Love On the Run Driver: Love On the Run at your service, my friend. So, what did you forget today?
Lawrence: (inhales) Anniversary.
Love On the Run Driver: Ooh, the big one.
Love On the Run Performer: It's your anniversary...oh, yeah, your anniversary...
Love On the Run Driver: That's your Love-O-Gram. I'll get the rest of your stuff out of the truck.

(Doofenshmirtz and Perry have just finished decorating for Vanessa's party.)
Doofenshmirtz: Ooh, that was exhausting. Ah. I have one last surprise for our lovely guest. This will be the grand finale of Vanessa's party - the world's largest firecracker! All we need now is a victim to be tied to the rocket so they'll explode up in the sky in a grand display! So, here's the awkward part. Uh... (camera pans over to the firecracker, which Doofenshmirtz has tied Perry to) And when I say "awkward," I mean for you, not so much for me.


(Linda is at the hair salon of - who else? - Bobbi Fabulous.)
Linda: So I wonder what new look Bobbi has envisioned for me this time. You know, he was in my favorite band - Love Händel.
Candace: Love Händel?
Linda: He doesn't like anyone to talk about it, though...
(Candace's phone rings. It's Phineas.)
Linda: ...so don't bring it up.
Candace: Uh, I gotta take this. (whispers) How's it going?
Phineas: We got Danny. Now we're gonna convince Bobbi Fabulous. And if we can't, well, Ferb's got a backup plan.
Candace: Wait. Bobbi Fabulous is Mom's hairdresser. Where are you right now?
Phineas: Walking in the front door of Bobbi's salon-(realizes) Oh.
Candace: You doofuses! Mom's gonna see you and wonder what you're up to!
Phineas: You gotta keep Mom distracted while we talk to Bobbi.
Candace: Say, Mom, maybe we should get you ready for Bobbi.
Linda: Candace, what are you doing?
Candace: You look like you need some conditioner!
Linda: Candace!
Candace: Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up!

Fabiana: Do you have an appointment?
Phineas: Uh, no. We're here to see Bobbi. You know, the bass player from the band Love Händel.
(all gasp) (muffled shouting)
I'm fabulous
Bobbi: Fabiana, who are these little people?
Fabiana: I don't know, sir.
Bobbi: You're a mess. And you... Feudal Europe is so last month.
Phineas: We're trying to get Love Händel back together.
Bobbi: Oh, for heaven's sake, talk to the hand.
Bobbi's Hand: Secretly I'm very lonely.
Phineas: You see, the first time my dad kissed my mom was at a Love Händel concert. And it's their anniversary-
Bobbi: B to the O-R-I-N-G.
Phineas: Not yet, Ferb.
Bobbi: Anyway, you don't need me. I just play bass in the background. Nobody even remembers me.
Phineas: Are you kidding?

(Song:"Fabulous")
Phineas: I don't need to tell you what you already know,
You're the one with style, you're the whole darn show.
The other guys play their instruments fine,
But next to you, their looks are a crime.
Linda: Candace!
Candace: Hot towel!

Bobbi: Well, they say true beauty, it comes from within,
But you have to be comfortable in your own skin.
So I exfoliate with this exotic cream,
Just look at me: I look like a dream!
(Camera shutters)
Phineas: You have to admit, he looks pretty darn good.


Linda: Candace, what is going on?
Candace: Dry cycle!

Chorus: You're the one, yes, you're the star
We need you back on bass guitar
You're fabulous, (I'm fabulous!)
You're fabulous, (I'm fabulous!)
You're the one we all can see,
It's all about you, (It's all about me!)
You're fabulous, (I'm fabulous!)
You're fabulous, (I'm fabulous!)

Bobbi: You know, no two people are like each other,
So don't be a lookalike copying another,
Unless, of course, you're copying me,
'Cause that gives you individuality!

Phineas: Nice 'do! But back to the matter at hand.
So what do you say, are you back in the band?
Bobbi: Well, maybe if I can find my old leather.
Phineas: Dude, we're getting the band back together!

Chorus: You're the one who sets the bar,
The Hairdo King, the Fashion Czar,
You're fabulous (I'm fabulous!)
You're fabulous (Oh, I'm fabulous.)
You're the one we all can see
It's all about you, (It's all about me!)
You're fabulous, (I'm fabulous!)
You're fabulous, (I'm fabulous!)

Ferb: May we take that as a yes?

Part II

(At the Danville Library)
Phineas: (on his phone) Hello? Isabella?
Isabella: Hey, Phineas. What's up?
Phineas: Guess what band's getting back together.
Isabella: Love Händel?
Phineas: Uh, yeah. How'd you know?
Isabella: It was the lead story on the 5:00 news. Let me guess. You guys need a stage, right?
Phineas: Yeah. Can you help us out?
Isabella: We're already on it.

Phineas: Who would have thought that a drummer from a rock-'n'-roll band would end up in a place so quiet? Say, could it be?

Phineas: Pardon me. Would your name be Swampy, ex-drummer for the band Love Händel?
Sherman: That, my friend, was a past life. The name's Sherman. Why you asking?
Phineas: Because they're reforming for one night only. It's a celebration of our parents' anniversary.
Sherman: Well, that sounds charming, boys, but I haven't played drums since the accident. Fell asleep in a metronome factory. When I awoke, I had completely lost my sense of rhythm. I've been hanging out here ever since.

(Song: "Ain't Got Rhythm")
Phineas: So you're saying that you don't have rhythm
But listen what you're doing right there
With that stamp and a book
You've got a real nice hook
Sounds to me like you've got rhythm to spare

Sherman: I have no idea what you're talking about
I've got as much rhythm as that chair
What happened to me was a tragedy
But I don't have to be a millionaire

Look, I got a sweet deal going on here
I got all the books that I can read
All these sweet old ladies and this carpet from the 80's
What more could a librarian need?

Woman: Shh!

Sherman: Besides, I ain't got rhythm
No, I ain't got rhythm
Said I ain't got rhythm
I ain't got rhythm

Phineas: You're kidding me right, y-you're kidding me
Don't you see what you were doing right then?
That's a wicked groove you were starting to move
Mister, you've got rhythm times ten

Sherman: I think perhaps that you're not listening
I find it tedious to repeat
It's no big crime,
I just can't keep time
I'm telling you I lost the beat

I don't need my face on t-shirts
Or hit a power-chord guitar
They were screaming my name
I guess it's a shame
But I don't need to be a rock star

Besides, I ain't got rhythm
No, I ain't got rhythm
Said I ain't got rhythm
I ain't got rhythm
I ain't got rhythm

Phineas: Sounds like rhythm to me
Sherman: No, I ain't got rhythm

Phineas: Seems like they all agree
Sherman: Said I ain't got rhythm
Phineas: But you're laying down some funky syncopation!

Sherman: I ain't got rhythm
Phineas: But you got that beat
Sherman: No, I ain't got rhythm
Phineas: Look at them, they're stomping their feet
Sherman: Said I ain't got rhythm
Phineas: It's time for you to rock a brand new generation
Library patrons: Brand new generation
Phineas, Sherman: Gonna rock a brand new generation
Sherman: Because I ain't got rhythm!

Woman: Ugh! Would you just go join the band?

Library patrons: Ain't got rhythm
Ain't got rhythm
Ain't got rhythm
Ain't got rhythm

Sherman: Hey, I do have rhythm!


(In the women's dressing room at a department store)
Candace: No, that's not it.
Linda: I don't know why you're making me do this, Candace. I mean, when do I ever dress this fancy anyways?
Employee: So how you ladies doing in here?
Candace: Great, but we need to keep looking.
Linda: Oh!
Employee: Well, we certainly have plenty of dresses for you to try on.
Candace: And we have plenty of time.
Linda: (groans) Candace!


(At the Flynn-Fletcher home)
Lawrence: OK, now let's see. "Lead the way for the lovely lady with an elegant wave of your hand. "For you and only you, insert your name here..." Oh, thanks for the light. Hey! No, no, wait! No, no, help me put it out! Do something!
Love On the Run Performer: (groans) Well, that hardly ever happens.
Lawrence: Oh, well, so much for that. I guess it's not a total loss. I mean, this is still presentable, right?
Love On the Run Performer: Eh.
Phineas: Hey, Dad, we're back.
Love On the Run Performer: So I hear it's your anni--
Lawrence: Oh, please, please, stop.
Love On the Run Performer: Nobody ever lets me finish my number. That's it. Call me when my ride's here.
Phineas: There's lasagna in the fridge.
Love On the Run Performer: Thank you.
Lawrence: Oh, boys, it's really hopeless.
Phineas: Fear not, Daddy-O. We got you covered. (at Ferb) Hit it, Ferb.
Lawrence: Love Händel?!


(At Doofenshmirtz Abandoned Self Storage)
Doofenshmirtz: Surprise, baby girl! Happy sweet 16th birthday, my little Vanessa!
Vanessa: Oh! Not again!
Doofenshmirtz: Well, come on in, come on in. Check the place out. I decorated it all myself. Well, mostly. Wait till you see this. Wait right there.
Vanessa: Please stop.
Doofenshmirtz: And now, without further adieu, the grand finale!
Vaness: What, a big firecracker?
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, no. Perry the Platypus tied to a big firecracker. Together we will launch our nemesis into the sky!
Vanessa: You mean your nemesis!
Doofenshmirtz: I took the liberty of going through your address book and inviting all your little friends, including a nice fella named Johnny. He had hearts by his name. I think I know what that means.
Vanessa: You did what? I don't want them to see this! I'm a teenager. This... this is for a little girl. Don't you know me at all?


(Inside the garage at the Flynn-Fletcher home)
Danny: I have to admit, I never thought I'd wear this stuff again.
Bobbi: (holding up Sherman's old outfit) Ooh, look.
Sherman: Hey sorry, folks. Not gonna happen.
Danny: Dude, is that the cake from the trash?
Sherman: What? You can't let good cake go to waste.
Bobbi: Looks like it all went to waste to me.
Sherman: Watch it, Mr. Tease and Curl.
Bobbi: This is exactly the kind of slovenly behavior that ruined Love Händel.
Sherman: No, it was infighting due to pressure from a dwindling fan base.
Danny: What are you talking about?
Sherman: It was in that special.
Bobbi: You saw that too? Did I look fat? I thought I looked fat.
Danny: That's it. This is ridiculous. I'm out of here.
Phineas: No, wait. You can't go. Mom's not back. What about your fans?
Danny: Phineas, I admire your optimism, but besides your dad, be honest. What fans?
(Garage door opens revealing a crowd of people in the driveway)
Danny: (crowd cheering) Whoa.


(At Doofenshmirtz Abandoned Self Storage)
Doofenshmirtz: She doesn't like the party. I can't believe I failed again. Well, at least I can watch you explode. Hey, that's not fair! Well, then have a taste of my ray gun, Perry the Platypus! Take that! And that! (at Vanessa) Help me, Vanessa! (at Perry) Stay still, you obnoxious - Aah! Perry the Platypus, wait - My hand is stuck in here. Hold on. Hold on. Wait, wait, don't go anywhere.


(At the Flynn-Fletcher home)
Danny: (crowd cheering) Sorry, Phineas, my friend, but we gotta go on now, or we're gonna have a serious fashion metal riot on our hands.
Lawrence: No, no, you can't start without Linda. Oh, what?
Phineas: Look, it's Mom!
Linda: What are all these people doing on our street? Hey! Candace. Honey, what's going on here?
Phineas: Come on, Dad.

Danny: All right, boys, let's blow the roof off this place.
Doofenshmirtz: No! It's going to blow the roof off this place!
Danny: One, two, three, four!

(At Doofenshmirtz Abandoned Self Storage)
Doofenshmirtz: ( rock ballad) Aah!

(In the driveway at the Flynn-Fletcher home)
Lawrence: Linda! Linda, darling.

(Song:" You Snuck Your Way Right Into My Heart")
Danny: I should have known
From how I felt when we were together
Lawrence: Linda, where are you?
Danny: And even more when we were apart
Linda: Is that Love Händel?!
Danny: You tiptoed in
And you got under my skin
You snuck your way right into my heart

(At Doofenshmirtz Abandoned Self Storage)
Vanessa: (gasps) Wow.
Johnny: Whoa, this is, like, the coolest-looking party ever. Hey, Vanessa. Did you do all this yourself?
Vanessa: Well, actually, my dad put it together... with some help from Perry the Platypus. (at Perry) Thank you, Perry the Platypus!

(In the driveway at the Flynn-Fletcher home)
Linda: (crowd cheering) Did you do all this for me?
Lawrence: Well, I had a little help.
Phineas: (He and Candace fist bump) Prepare for live feed to screen, and wipe to source.
Danny: I've put up barriers
To shield my emotions
A wall that you could never break apart
But like a ninja of love
Rappelling down from above
You snuck your way right into my heart!
Love On the Run Performer: ...My heart!
Love On the Run Driver: That's my mom.
Danny: Oh, yeah
Ferb: Well, don't just stand there. Kiss her!
Lawrence: Happy anniversary, darling. (Candace brings Phineas closer to her)
Danny: (crowd cheering) Come on, everybody, let me hear ya!
Crowd: Nah Na Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Na-Nah
Danny: Yeah!


(At Doofenshmirtz Abandoned Self Storage)
Johnny: Hey, Vanessa, is that your dad up on the rocket?
Vanessa: He'll be okay. He blows up all the time.
Johnny: Well, he sure did a cool job with this party.
Vanessa: Yeah. Yeah, I guess he did. Thanks, Dad. You finally got one right.


Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, Perry the Plat-- Wait, is that Love Händel?
( guitar)
Doofenshmirtz: Aaah! (thud)
Danny: Goodnight, Tri-State Area!

End Credits

(Song: "Music Makes Us Better")
If you're feeling lost down in your soul
If you need a little something to make you feel whole
Just remember who you were when you were in control
Just get together with some friends, and play some Rock and Roll!

Music makes us better
Brings us together
And it helps me get back that spirit they stole!
Music makes us better
Brings us together
And I owe my life to Rock and Roll!

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