(Scene opens at Flynn-Fletcher Antiques)
Lawrence: (from inside) Nice to see you boys down here at the shop!
(Cut to Phineas, Ferb and Lawrence walking in the antique shop)
Phineas: Wow! What's that thing?
Lawrence: Oh, this? It's an escape chamber from an old vaudeville show. In the old days, men would go into these things and pretend to be locked inside and then they would "escape" to the amazement of the crowd. Here, let me show you. (goes inside the chamber) You see? All you need to do is just... (tries to escape) Uh.... Hmm...
Phineas: You need a little help, Dad?
Lawrence: Well, no, no, I just need to, um... Oh! (Ferb helps him out) There we go. Thanks, son.
(A confused Phineas looks to the left)
Lawrence: Well, I've got bottle caps to polish. (walks away) Hmhm!
Phineas: (at Ferb) Dude! I know what we're gonna do today!
(Cut to the Flynn-Fletcher house)
Linda: Oh, no. I'm late for my introduction to ice sculpture. (Writes a note and goes outside to Candace sleeping on the hammock) I suppose there's no need to wake her. (puts the note on her head, then leaves)
(Song: "Quirky Worky Song" (lullaby version))
(Candace continues snoring. Meanwhile, Phineas and Ferb are starting to work on their Big Idea.)
Candace: (mumbling in sleep) Where's Perry?
(Back inside the house; Perry walks into the boys' room, goes into agent mode, holds onto a red hoop, and puts on his fedora. He then takes an orange-and-yellow box and performs a quick magic trick with it.)
(Cut to Perry's lair where he enters through a tube. While he runs towards his chair, the camera pans to the monitor where Carl is practicing some table etiquette.)
Carl: And the salad fork is the one on the outside.
(Perry jumps onto his chair)
Major Monogram: (holding a clipboard and pen) And you're certain of that... (Perry's chair slides forward) Ah! Agent P!
(Close-up of Monogram)
Major Monogram: As you may know, this is International Good Manners Day. Perhaps, not ironically, Dr. Doofenshmirtz has chosen this very week to create a device that causes rampant rudeness. Go take care of it.
(Close-up of Perry)
Major Monogram: If you please.
(Perry salutes; the camera then pans back.)
Carl: (while Perry leaves his lair) I bet he calls it the Rude-inator.
Major Monogram: What does that make you? Nostradamus?
(Back in the backyard, Phineas and Ferb are now standing next to their Big Idea.)
Phineas: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls! My brother and I are here today to give you a thrilling display of escapement arts as we attempt, to extricate ourselves from this,...
(The camera pans up to show an incredibly tall tower.)
Phineas: ...the most complicated trap ever devised by man or child! A computer controlled tower so fiendishly clever that...
(Camera pans to Buford, Isabella, and Baljeet, who are standing near the tree.)
Phineas: ...its blueprints had to be viewed in a smoked mirror to avoid driving its creators insane!
Isabella: Wow, he's really selling it hard.
Baljeet: But if you designed the tower, will you not know every way to get out?
Phineas: (taps tower with cane) We programmed it to learn as it goes, so it's conceivable we could be trapped in there forever. (taps tower with cane again) Coming with?
Isabella: Yes! I mean, no./Baljeet: No!
Buford: It sounds ill-advised.
Phineas: That's okay. You guys can stay out here and be the cheering section with Candace.
(Camera pans to Candace)
Candace: (snoring) Must bust Phineas and Ferb.
Baljeet: But what if you do not come out?
Phineas: If we're not out in 15 minutes, you can smash the machine and rescue us, just like in the old days.
Buford: (brings out mallet) Sounds like a party.
Phineas: Ferb? Start the timer please!
(Ferb flips a switch; timer on the tower activates)
Buford: Synchronizing watches!
Phineas: (he and Ferb walks onto an elevator) Women and children and the faint of heart may wish (pushes button with cane) to leave now. (as the elevator rises up) So we bid you adieu! Goodbye! Auf wiedersehen! Farewell, friends!
(The elevator lowers him and Ferb into the tower.)
Phineas: And we'll see you in a few minutes! Or not at all!
(The now empty elevator rises up again, the door closes, which activated the locks.)
Baljeet: Legally speaking, what is our liability here?
♪ Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.! ♪
(Scene starts with Perry next to a mat and a sign which reads "Please... Wipe Feet!" There's a pause then he does just that. Just then, a trap door activates and he falls into it. The trap door rises a second later and Perry's now trapped in a cat suit. Doofenshmirtz then leaps out and hooks a leash onto the collar.)
Doofenshmirtz: A-ha! I wanted to say something clever about "cat got your tongue", but I haven't worked it out. You see, when we were small children, my brother Roger was always better at the whole manners and etiquette thing.
Young Roger: Sweet Aunt Effie, you have always been my favorite!
Aunt Effie: (pinching young Roger's cheek) Roger, so polite. (hands young Roger a coin) Heinz?
Young Doofenshmirtz: That's some mole!
Doofenshmirtz: (sighs) It takes a long time to clean out a chicken coop with a spoon. And I still don't see how that was rude. I mean, that thing was gargantuan. If anything, I was showing restraint. Anyway, today, it is International Good Manners Day, and we've got a visiting dignitary. She's the ambassador from England! Only the most etiquetty country in the whole world, hello! And when Roger's introducing her I'm going to zap him with my Rude-inator!
(Camera pans to the Rude-inator then back to Doofenshmirtz)
Doofenshmirtz: That's what I'm calling it.
(Perry gives an unimpressed look)
Doofenshmirtz: It makes whoever it zaps intolerably rude! He'll cause an international incident! And in all the confusion, I'll just waltz in and take over. So, why the catsuit? Well, we're going to be at City Hall to watch the fireworks, you and me, and I figured a platypus in a fedora might attract too much attention! Smart, huh? (walks away with a smug look) See, me, always thinking.
(Cut to Phineas and Ferb, now inside the tower.)
Phineas: Good day to you, Tower. We're ready to begin.
Tower: Welcome, boys. We're gonna have so much fun together. (puts strait-jackets on the boys) Put on your coats and stay a while.
Phineas: Strait-jackets. Classic. Ready?
(He stands on his head. Ferb then grabs hold of Phineas's strait-jacket with his teeth.)
Phineas: Okay, shake me out.
(Ferb does so; Phineas escapes from his strait-jacket.)
(Phineas then quickly undoes the buckle off of Ferb's.)
Phineas: (after Ferb shakes his strait-jacket off) This is gonna be fun.
(The tower puts the boys in chains then pulls them up to a dungeon.)
Phineas: I don't know, Ferb, I think we should "file" (pulls out a file) this under Dungeon Escape.
(The boys escapes from the chains off-screen then walks towards a grate. Phineas removes it and he and Ferb goes into the next room.)
(Cut to the City Hall.)
Doofenshmirtz: Well, here we are! (chuckles) Right up close! You sit here, Perry the Catypus. (laughs) I just came up with that. That totally makes up for missing the "cat got your tongue" thing from before.
Roger: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to City Hall on this fine first day of National Etiquette Week.
(Audience applauds; camera then pans to Perry.)
Woman: I do love proper etiquette!
(Inside the tower, the camera shows a room with doors of various sizes and some keys lying on the floor. The largest of the doors opens and Phineas and Ferb enters the room.)
Phineas: Hmm. Big keys, tiny doors. We're not fitting through any of those, but maybe that one!
(Camera pans up to the exit then down to the boys. Ferb grabs some of the keys and uses them to make a stair.)
Phineas: Ferb, you're a genius!
(Ferb finishes placing keys in the keyholes then he and Phineas escapes the room.)
Tower: Nice warm up, boys.
(The boys are now climbing up a metal ladder.)
Tower: But can you escape the relentless pull of gravity?
(The tower flips the trap upside down and the boys looses their grip then falls down.)
Phineas: (screaming) It's the Bottomless Pit Trap. (he and Ferb high fives)
(Outside in the backyard, the timer first shows 11:27, then 11:26, and finally 11:25. The camera then pans to Baljeet, who's placing a pyramid of playing cards on the sleeping Candace.)
Baljeet: It would be terrible if they did not come out!
Isabella: I know! (squirts some shaving cream on Candace's head)
(Camera pans to Buford, sharping his mallet on an old-fashioned grindstone.)
Buford: I'm countin' on it.
(City Hall; Roger's continuing with his speech.)
Roger: And to speak further on this topic, it is my great pleasure to introduce the Ambassador from England, the most etiquetty country in the world...
Doofenshmirtz: Told you!
Roger: ... and my personal friend,
(Doofenshmirtz presses a button on a controller)
(Cut to D.E.I., where a ray from the Rude-inator fires)
(Back at City Hall)
Roger: ...this unbelievable windbag right here.
(Camera pans to a grinning Doofenshmirtz then to a shocked looking ambassador)
Roger: Oh, man! On and on and on in the limo over here. (mimicking ambassador) "Manners are so important."
Doofenshmirtz: Can you believe this, Perry the...
(Camera pans to show that Perry had escaped the catsuit trap)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, for Pete's sake, Perry the Platypus. I told you to go before we left. (at himself) He better bring back some popcorn, that's all I can say.
Roger: ...what a pompous know-it-all you are.
Woman: That's it! I want a recall.
All: Recall! Recall! Recall!
Doofenshmirtz: (grinning) It's working!
(In the Bottomless Pit Trap, Phineas finally gets an idea)
Phineas: Wait! I've got it. Give me your hands.
(He and Ferb clasp hands then slows down to a halt. Mostly as Phineas notices the exit out of the trap.)
Phineas: Come on, Tower!
(He kicks the door open with a foot)
Phineas: Is that the best you can can throw at us?
Tower: (rudely) Ooh, so special. I don't give a flying buttress.
(The boys are now crawling in a narrow tunnel)
Phineas: Tower, are you feeling okay?
Tower: Oh, what's it to you?
Phineas: Oh, nothing, nothing.
(Camera shifts to the interior of a sawmill. Phineas opens a door from the inside of a hollow log.)
Phineas: I thought we programmed you to be more polite than this.
(He stands on the log then helps Ferb up onto it.)
Tower: You think you're so sharp, don't you?
(Ferb closes the door; the tower then ties him and Phineas onto the log.)
Tower: I'm gonna show you something sharper.
(Just as the tower said that, a saw activates and it cuts through a log.)
Phineas: I think there may be something wrong with the Tower. I'm taking suggestions here.
(Ferb kicks off his shoes then uses his feet to untie himself. He does the same thing to release Phineas.)
Phineas: Okay, dude, don't show off.
(The boys jump off the log just before the saw cuts it in half.)
(Song: "Breakin' Out")
♪ I used to get stuck on the simplest of things ♪
♪ I never tried flying or spreading my wings ♪
♪ What I want to convey is that I'm getting away ♪
♪ 'Cause tonight I'm breaking out! (He's breaking out) ♪
♪ I went from park to neutral ♪
♪ Now I'm shifting to drive ♪
♪ 'Cause you gotta depart ♪
♪ If you want to arrive ♪
♪ No more biding my time ♪
♪ With these eternal rhymes ♪
♪ 'Cause tonight I'm breaking out! ♪
♪ (I'm breaking out) ♪
♪ From the things that were holding me back ♪
♪ (I'm breaking out) ♪
♪ In every wall if you look there's a crack ♪
♪ (I'm breaking out) ♪
♪ In the end that's what life's all about ♪
♪ When the wall's closing in ♪
♪ You know it's time to begin ♪
♪ Breaking out! ♪
(Backyard; the timer first shows 00:25, and then 00:24. Baljeet's now about to put one of Candace's hands into a bowl of water.)
Baljeet: Oh, my gosh! It is almost time.
Isabella: (placing objects between Candace's toes) What if they can't get out?
Buford: (drawing an eye on the sticky note) How come you guys didn't tell me about this before?
(Just then, Phineas and Ferb finally escaped the tower by tunneling themselves out of it.)
Phineas: Made it. Boy! That was close.
(The timer shows that Phineas and Ferb escaped the tower with 17 seconds remaining.)
Baljeet: Was it scary?
Isabella: Was it hard?
Buford: Do I still get to smash the tower?
Tower: I ain't done with you yet. (activates a force field around its lower half)
Buford: Wow! I thought I had a bad attitude.
(Cuts to D.E.I. where Perry exits out of a cab. Minutes later, he enters Doofenshmirtz's apartment, runs towards the Rude-inator, and plugs up the ray with a cork. He then makes a dramatic leap off of the -inator and leaves the building on his hang-glider.)
(City Hall; Roger is continuing his tirade, much to Doofenshmirtz's amusement.)
Audience: Recall! Recall!
Roger: ...and so's your sister!
Doofenshmirtz: Wow! Such rudeness. This is working better than I ever imagined.
Roger: Miss High-and-Mighty English Manners Person, I have got one thing to say to you. And only one thing. That's some...
(He and the ambassador starts laughing)
Roger: ...show we just put on, isn't it, Madam Mayor?
Doofenshmirtz: What the...
Ambassador: You see, your wonderful Mayor and I agreed in the limousine to put on this little play for your edification.
Doofenshmirtz: (pushing button on remote repeatedly) No, no, no, no.
(At D.E.I., the Rude-inator explodes due to the plug)
(City Hall; the ambassador's speech continues)
Ambassador: Indeed, what would we be without manners?
Audience: Four more years. Four more years.
Doofenshmirtz: (pause) Curse you, Perry the Platypus. I didn't even get my popcorn. (realizes) Wait. If they were faking it, what did my ray hit?
(Backyard; Phineas and Ferb are trapped inside a dome.)
Tower: Ooh, it looks like you two losers are still trapped. Might as well change your address, 'cause you're gonna be receiving your pension in here. Oopsie, activated my vacuum circuits. You dummies don't need air, do you? (blows raspberry)
Phineas: I'm feeling such an odd mixture of pride and mortal terror.
Buford: Don't worry, I'll get you out in just a sec.
(Isabella and Baljeet back away then Buford bangs the mallet on the dome... with no success.)
Buford: You guys are on your own.
Phineas: Well, thanks for trying I guess.
Buford: No problem. What are friends for?
Tower: Friends? I have been programmed to trap you and your friends.
Phineas: Oh, yeah!
(The tower raises the dome then lowers it around Phineas, Ferb, and their friends.)
Baljeet: Do me a favor. Next time you wanna make a fiendishly clever computer-controlled contraption, call one of your other friends.
Phineas: Hey! That's it. (at the tower) Tower. You were programmed to trap Ferb and me and our friends. But we've got friends all over Danville.
Tower: Is that so?
(The tower raises the dome then lowers it around Danville. Camera then pans to a smug Phineas.)
Phineas: In fact, we have friends all over the Tri-State Area.
Tower: Well, aren't we popular?
(The tower raises the dome then lowers it around the Tri-State Area.)
Ferb: Plus there was that small matter of circumnavigating the globe.
Phineas: You're right. Tokyo, Paris, Nepal. We have friends all over the Earth.
Tower: Look at me, I have got friends all over the Earth. All right then.
(The tower covers the Earth with the dome.)
Phineas: In fact, we even have an alien friend named Meap.
(Ferb holds up a picture of Meap)
Phineas: He is from another planet. So, really, we have friends all over the galaxy.
Tower: A small matter for one such as me.
(The tower leaves the backyard; the camera then pans to the Milky Way Galaxy)
Tower: You will never escape. Never!
(The tower covers the entire galaxy with the dome. Back in the backyard, Baljeet, Isabella, and Buford walks away.)
Baljeet: That works for me.
Buford: Well, they only make mallets so big.
Isabella: See ya.
Phineas: So, the entire galaxy. (grins) That enough elbow room for ya?
Ferb: Well, for today.
(Meanwhile, alien spaceships finally get to the Milky Way...)
Alien: At last, after two millennia, we finally reached the Milky Way Galaxy. Battle stations! We begin our assault in three, two... Oh!
(All of the space ships hit the dome.)
Alien: Uh, anybody got a mallet?