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Gaming the System/Transcript

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(Scene opens showing Buford playing a Mario-like video game, playing similar music, with his face on the video game character, while Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, and Baljeet watch him.)
Buford: See? Isn't this the coolest game ever? It's called Jump and Duck.
Phineas: Hey, how'd you get your face in there?
Buford: Easy. I just use this camera, see? (takes picture of Phineas)
Phineas: (with spinning eyes) Cool.
Buford: (demonstrating how to add in the picture, tilting the game controller and wildly pushing buttons) And then you do this, and this, and this and this and this and this and this, and this, and this, and this, and this and this, and then this and this, and then that.
(He hands the controller to Phineas.)
Buford: Look!
(Before our eyes, the little Buford character's head shrinks and is replaced by Phineas' silly face from the picture.)
Phineas: This is awesome.

(Scene switches to outside Candace's window, then to her room.)
Candace: (on her cell phone) Stacy, you are talking to the luckiest girl in the house. Jeremy is taking me to the summer cotillion! Cotillion. It's like a dance. Yes, it's a real word. All I know is it's gonna be great. Wait, I just thought of something, two somethings actually. And one of them is pointy. Stacy, I'll call you back. It's time for a little preemptive bust.

(In the Backyard)
Phineas: So, beyond jumping and ducking, what's the actual objective of this game?
Buford: It's called Jump and Duck. Duh.
Baljeet: I can see no educational value in this game.
Buford: (at Baljeet) Duck!
(Baljeet does so, while narrowly escaping Buford's punch, that was coming towards his head)
Buford: (Laughing) Consider yourself educated.
Baljeet: I stand corrected.
Phineas: Far be it for me to cast dispersions on jumping, and or ducking, but I think you can improve this. With a little effort we could-
Candace: (Now in the backyard) Okay. What are you guys up to?
Phineas: Playing a video game.
Candace: That's it? That's all you're doing today? Huh. How normal. I guess my night's safe after all. Who would have guessed you two would get sucked into a video game? I'm going to go get ready.
Phineas: (Angelic chorus in the background) "Sucked into a video game". Brilliant! Ferb! I know what we're going to do today. Hey, where's Perry?


(In Perry's lair)
Major Monogram: Good morning Agent P. I've been monitoring Doofenshmirtz's internet activity. First, we know what you're getting for Christmas. Don't ask our lips are sealed... it's a vase. Second, he's been doing a lot of research into the molecular of taffeta, satin, and most ominous of all, Velour. Ugh! (Monogram shudders, and the feed cuts out)
Background singers: Perry!


(Back at the Flynn-Fletcher home)
Phineas: Introducing the all new and improved, Jump and Duck. The world's first truly immersive video game experience. Hey Ferb, throw the switch.
(Ferb does so, and in the process blows the fuse, interrupting, Candace blow drying her hair)
Candace: (in her room) Hey!
Phineas: And once your zapped into the video game by the digitizer-
Candace: Okay, what's going on? I was drying my hair.
Phineas: Sorry about the power, Candace. Ferb went to check the circuit breaker.
(Ferb flips a switch turning the power back on)
Candace: Jeremy is going to get here any...
(The digitizer turns on, zapping Candace into the video game)
Candace: (in the video game) ...minute. Hey! Where'd you guys go?
Phineas: We didn't go anywhere, but you're inside the video game.
Candace: What do you mean I'm in the... (Birds and angry fruit begin chasing Candace)
Phineas: Wow, cool. How come she got to go first?


Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!
Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the Platypus, you are too late. Wait, is it eleven o'clock yet? (Pauses for a beat) Now! Now you are too late. So Perry the Platypus, tremble in fear before the most twisted, nightmarish creation the world has ever known! The ball gown-inator. (Doofenshmirtz grabs the Ball gown-inator, and fires it at Perry, leaving him in a ball gown. Perry tries to jump at Doofenshmirtz, but falls due to his ball gown. A pair of mechanical arms pick of Perry so that he is at Doofenshmirtz's level) See, Perry the Platypus? It's hard to fight when you're in a ball gown. It's portable too. Ooh, you look so elegant, like you're going to a cotillion. It's a word, it means dance. So, why would I created such a device as this?
(Flashback)
Doofenshmirtz: (Narrating) You see, back in Gimmelshtump in the depths of my childhood, my parents were expecting a brand new baby girl. My mother spent months knitting pretty dresses. Unfortunately, the baby turned out to be a boy, and because we were out of material, I was forced to wear those same dresses for an entire year. Drawing mockery and scorn from all of my manly classmates.
(Flashback ends)
Doofenshmirtz: Now with my ball gown-inator, I will be the manliest man in the Tri-State Area! You know, by comparison. Because everyone else will be wearing dress. After I shoot them with my ball gown-inator. Am, am I over explaining this? Because I have this whole musical number prepared, and... Oh, oh you're good. (at the dancers) Take five girls.


(Candace is in the video game running away from the fruit)
Candace: You guys better get me out of here. I still have to get ready.
Phineas: Well, we designed a whole bunch of different worlds you have to go through to get to the boss, but you know just, just continue screen right.
Candace: Can't you just press a button and get me there now?
Phineas: Oh, you want cheat codes. No, we don't roll like that. Just jump and Duck. (Candace gets hit by fruits) Okay not necessarily in that order. Just choose the appropriate action that corresponds to the approaching fruit.
Candace What does that even mean?
Phineas: Duck! (Candace got hit by the door) Now run! (Candace gets hit by a ramp) Duck! (Candace's head got sucked) Okay, you can try to jump here (Candace fall on a platform) Duck! Duck! Duck! (Candace falls on the stairs) Okay stop falling Candace keeps falling) stop falling (Candace keeps falling) (talking to Ferb) Sheesh. Maybe we should go help her. Don't worry Candace, we're coming!
(The fruit jumps at Candace, but she shoots them with her hair dryer, causing them to melt, and restoring her health)
Candace: Hmm, maybe they should call it Jump, Duck, and Blow (Candace then begins to run through the world, shooting everything in her path)
(Phineas and Ferb appear in the video game)
Phineas: Whoa, what happened here? Oh that's right, Candace has her hair dryer. We'll just follow the carnage.

(Song: Let's Go Digital)
Analog is so five terabytes ago
Come inside this digital domain!
We can all be heroes, in a world of ones and zeros
We'll leave behind the boring and mundane.

Don't be the bug in my system
Or else we're gonna crash and fall! Yeah, let's go digital!
(Let's go digital, yeah, let's go digital!)
Yeah, let's go digital!
(Let's go digital, yeah, let's go digital!)

Virtual is so the only way to go,
Cyberspace is really quite a trip.
(Cyberspace is really quite a trip.)
When you switch your mode to raw binary code
We'll run amok inside a microchip.
(Run amok inside a microchip.)

Don't be the bug in my system
Or else we're gonna crash and fall!

Yeah, let's go digital!
(Let's go digital, yeah, let's go digital!)
Yeah, let's go digital!
(Let's go digital, yeah, let's go digital!)
Yeah, let's go digital!
(Let's go digital, yeah, let's go digital!)
Yeah, let's go digital!
(Let's go digital, yeah, let's go digital!)


(At DEI, a blimp comes out from the top of the building)
Doofenshmirtz: You know, Perry the Platypus, that dress sort of suites you. If you know, you just eventuate the positive as they say... Um, I'm going to stop talking now, I'm moving into a weird-
(Perry swings his dress onto Doofenshmirtz's head, cuts the ties holding him, and swings to the other side of the blimp)
Doofenshmirtz: (Muffled by Perry's dress) Hey what the...? What going on here I got... Oh, it's on now!
(Perry yanks on the dress, sending Doofenshmirtz over the edge of the balloon, and causing him to drop the Ball Gown-inator)
Doofenshmirtz: (Hanging under the balloon) Oh great, now everyone's staring.


(Phineas and Ferb gets digitized into the castle level)
Phineas: Wow, the castle. Nice art direction, Ferb. I guess Candace already made it to the boss level. (The boss, designed after Buford appears behind them) Sweet! Come on.
(They run away, narrowly avoiding being crushed by the boss)
Phineas: I forgot that we made Buford the boss. It's a little disturbing having him trying to obliterate us, but it made him so happy.
(Buford the boss catches up with them, and grabs them)
Candace: Hey ugly! Drop the twerps you freak. (The Boss does so, and walks toward Candace) Nobody picks on my brothers but- (The bosses knocks Candace over, causing her to lose the hair dryer, and diminishing her health)
Phineas: Candace look out!
(Candace grabs the health bar and hits the boss with it, causing it to stumble backward)
Phineas: Alright Candace, way to--
(The giant, continues to stumble backward, and crushes Phineas and Ferb, then falls off the floating island)
Candace:Phineas! Ferb! Phineas! Ferb! (The two brothers dissolve) NOOOO!!!! (Phineas and Ferb re-digitize behind Candace)
Phineas: Hey Candace, what's the matter?
Candace: You guys are okay?
Phineas: Well yeah, we have, like four lives left.
Candace: Wait. You guys let me believe you were really dead? If we ever get out of here you're going to be so... Hey, what's going on?
(The whole gang begins to de-pixelate appearing back into the real world)
Phineas: Awesome, we're out. So you must have beat the boss.
Candace: Yeah, it was a piece of cake.
Phineas: Cool, how'd you get him the second time?
Candace: What do you mean, "second time"?
Phineas: You know how after you defeat him the first time, he comes back, and this time he's twice as strong? What'd you do then?
Candace: Um...
(Behind them the Buford-Boss appears)
Phineas: The last level's in the real world. Run!
Buford: No guys, he looks like a nice guy.
(The boss punches Buford with his fist; when the boss walks off, Buford has been driven into the ground; having only his head above the ground)
Buford: Okay, maybe not.
Baljeet: (Mockingly) Oh, now I see the educational value.
Buford: (Glaring) You know, eventually I'm getting out of here!


(Doofenshmirtz continues to be pulled by the balloon, until he reaches a higher part on a roof, causing him to flip into the balloon)
Doofenshmirtz: Hehe, exactly as planned.
(Perry and Doofenshmirtz begin to battle for control of the Ball Gown-inator)


(In the backyard, Phineas, Ferb, and Candace are cornered by the boss)
Isabella: (From behind the boss) Hey you!
Phineas: Isabella! No!
Isabella: Leave my friends alone!
(The video game boss approaches Isabella)
Phineas: NOOOO!
Isabella: (Takes out a camera) Smile.
(The camera causes the boss to be sucked into the camera, as a picture)
Phineas: Wow, Isabella, that was great.
Isabella: You know what they say, the bigger they are the harder they de-pixelate.


(Doofenshmirtz and Perry continue fighting over the Ball Gown-inator, causing it to fire, giving Doofenshmirtz a dress)
Doofenshmirtz: Sea-Foam-Green? I'm actually more of an Autumn.
(Doofenshmirtz launches at Perry, which makes the Ball Gown-inator fire into the distance)


(In the backyard)
Jeremy: (In the distance) Candace.
Candace: Oh no! Jeremy's here. How am I going to get ready in three seconds?
(The ray from the Ball Gown-inator hits Phineas, Ferb, and Isabella)
Ferb: Apparently, do what we did.


(Doofenshmirtz and Perry continue to battle for the -inator, but door pulls off the end of it, effectively breaking it.)
Doofenshmirtz:No! (Perry takes out a pin, and pops the balloon, the jumps off, floating down safely by using his dress as a parachute)
Doofenshmirtz: Curse you Perry the Platypus!


(Back in the backyard)
Phineas: I don't remember changing. Is this part of the gam-
(Perry drops down, dress-free into the boys' back yard)
Phineas: Oh, there you are Perry.
Candace: Well what am I going to do!?
(The dress that Perry was wearing, floats down, and dresses Candace)
Candace: Huh?
Jeremy: Wow, you look beautiful. ... I guess you all look beautiful.
Phineas: Thanks, we think it's part of the game.
Jeremy: ...Okay. Shall we go, Candace?
Candace: Uh...yes.
Jeremy: Why do they call it a cotillion anyway?
Candace: Oh, don't get me started.

End credits

(Doofenshmirtz's balloon flies into a building, sending him falling downward, straight into the summer cotillion)
Cotillion Crowner: ...And the queen of the summer cotillion is...
(Doofenshmirtz straightens up, and get the crown placed on his head)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh I am honored. And at the same time humiliated, so thank you and curse you.

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