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I Scream, You Scream/Transcript

< I Scream, You Scream

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(Scene opens up showing the inside of a mouth)
Dr. Hirano: Okay, Isabella. Say "Aaaah".
Isabella: (opens mouth) Ahhhh...
Dr. Hirano: Oh, good. The swelling has gone down dramatically. I'll be back to check on you soon. (exits)
Phineas: So, Isabella, what'cha dooooin'?
Isabella: (Raspy voice) Oh, just recovering. But I finally got my tonsillectomy patch.
Phineas: We just came by to cheer you up. And to see if you're well enough for our event.
Isabella: Sorry, guys. My throat still hurts like crazy.
Phineas: That's cool. Sorry, gang. We've got to postpone the Trojan War reenactment till further notice.
(Reenactment actors leaves, all talking at once)
Phineas: You know, the best part of getting your tonsils out is that you get to eat all the ice cream you want.
Isabella: Really?
Phineas: Mountains of it! We could have the biggest ice cream sundae ever made! (to Ferb) Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today! First, we gotta draw up some plans. Wait, no time for that. You go to Blueprint Heaven; I'll head home and meet the delivery guy. (Phone beeps) Hello? Blowtorch City? Yeah, I'll hold. (to Isabella) When are they letting you out of this joint?
Isabella: This afternoon.
Phineas: Perfect, we should have just enough time.

(At Charlene and Vanessa's house)
Charlene: So, I'm going out, Vanessa. Remember, you're at your Dad's this weekend.
Vanessa: Great. A whole 48 hours of evil.
Charlene: Vanessa Doofenshmirtz, your dad's not evil. We just didn't get along. We wanted different things.
Vanessa: Was one of those things "To be evil"? Because he's evil.
Charlene: He's not evil, honey. No one's evil.
Vanessa: No, Mom. He's evil. You don't notice about him? He has evil schemes. Normal people don't have schemes of any kind. And there's this secret agent that always bursts in, and--
Charlene: I think you're being overly dramatic.
Vanessa: Mom, I'm not being dramatic. Dad builds evil contraptions every day. Wait. (Phone beeps) Let me check on something.
Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc--
(Phone beeps) Yup. He's even got his own evil jingle right on his answering machine. (Speed dial) Listen!
Doofenshmirtz: (On Phone) Hello?
Charlene: Oh, hello, Heinz.
Vanessa: Dad! Why did you pick up? You always let the machine get it!
Doofenshmirtz: Well, I heard it ring the first time, so I was standing by the phone. Oh, could you pick up some blueprints for me on your way over? Thank you, sweetie.
(Phone beeps)
Vanessa: Great. Now he wants me to pick up some evil blueprints for his latest evil contraption. And as soon as he's done building it, I'll have proof! I'll call you, and you can see for yourself.

(Inside Blueprint Heaven)
Worker: So, you need plans to build a giant sundae maker, do you? Hmm, I'm not sure if we sell blueprints for that anymore. Whoa! Hold on, sweetie. No need to get upset. I'll go check in the back, okay? Okay. Let's see. Giant sundae machine. I got a yogurt machine! How's that sound? Yeah, I don't care for yogurt either, baby. I'll keep looking. You're in luck. I found one! Now, what do you need, sweetie?
Vanessa: I'm here to pick up an order for Doofenshmirtz.
Worker: Oh, yes. Your Daddy just called.
Vanessa: Hey, how's it goin'?

(At the Flynn-Fletcher home)
Phineas: Can you bring it back here? Thanks. That's great.

Candace: (on her phone) You're not going to believe it, Stacy. But when I turned around, Jeremy was standing right behind me. Well, he was sitting, and he was a couple blocks away, but he was right there!
Phineas: (from outside) Keep it coming, keep it coming! Okay, stop. Great. Stack 'em over here.
Candace: Um, Stace? I'm going to have to call you back.

Delivery Guy: And that's the last of it. Eh, just need you to sign here. Say, aren't you a little...
Phineas: ...Young to be using titanium plating and an industrial arc welder? Yes. Yes I am. I get that a lot.
Candace: Phineas, you know I'm in charge, right?
Phineas: Well, isn't that just if a satellite crashes into the-
Candace: No, no, no! When Mom's at her cooking class, I'm in charge. Now, what are you up to out here?
Phineas: I'd like to tell you, but it's gonna be a big surprise. Hey, wait a second. Have you seen Perry?

(Camera pans over to Perry, who's taking a nap on the lawn)
(Boing)
Perry!
Major Monogram: Sorry to wake you, Agent P. Looks like Doofenshmirtz is getting sloppy. He sent his daughter right into our sting operation and purchased blueprints for a Space Las-inator. We intend to pass him fake plans, but due to a rookie error, and by "rookie", I mean Carl.
Carl: Sorry, my bad.
Major Monogram: The plans he received are real; terrifyingly real.
Carl: Again, I must apologize, I was in character--
Major Monogram: You better step on it, Agent P. Before it's too late.


(In the backyard)
Phineas: Can you give me a hand unpacking this stuff, Candace?
Candace: I'm not gonna help you. But as soon as I figure out what you're up to, I'm calling Mom!
Phineas: Okay. Say Hi for me!
(Phone beeping)

(At the cooking class)
Cooking Instructor: Bonjour, class. Today we will be making crepes Guilbaud.
(Phone rings; Beeps)
Linda: Candace, is everything all right? Well, if you don't even know what he is doing, how do you know if it's a problem?
Cooking Instructor: (Clears throat) Is there something you would like to share with the whole class?
Linda: Sorry, sir. (At Phone) Candace, I'll talk to you later, okay? (Phone beeps)

(In the backyard)
Candace: (Growls) I'm keeping an eye on you.
Phineas: Hey, Ferb. You got the blueprints? Excellent! Isabella's gonna love it!


Doo be doo be doo ba
Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, you—you're early. I haven't even started yet. My daughter should be here any minute with the blueprints, though. Oh, there she is. (At Vanessa) Good morning, Vanessa. You remember Perry the Platypus.
Vanessa: Yeah, hi.
Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, why don't you have a seat in my waiting area? Read some magazines! Sorry they're in Spanish, I--I steal them from my neighbor. You know, evil never rests.
Vanessa: So, Dad, this plan, it's evil, right?
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, yes, yes it is! It's nice to see you taking an interest in the family business.
Vanessa: That's all I need to know. (Phone beeps)

(At the cooking class)
(French music)
Charlene: I'm in class now, Vanessa. I have to go. Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm. Yes, Vanessa, I'll leave my phone on. (At Linda) Teenagers. Ugh. What are we making this week?
Linda: I think it's crepes, but you know, I can't understand his accent.


(Song: Busted)
Vanessa: I can see the things you're doing, and you think that I'm naïve
But when I get the goods on you, she'll finally believe
Candace: She says it's always drama, but every bubble's got to pop
She's gonna see just what you're doing
Both: And then you're finally gonna have to stop
Don't think you're gonna win this time
'Cause you better believe I'm gonna drop a dime on you
I'll get ya (Yeah!)
I'll get ya

And when I do, you're gonna be busted
(Busted!)
Candace: I don't wanna put the hurt on you
Both: But you better believe me when I tell you
That I finally got the dirt on you
You're busted (Busted!)

Vanessa: Yeah, she's finally gonna see the light
This is how it's gonna be
Both: When she finds out that I was always right
You're busted!


(At Doofenshmirtz Evil, Inc.)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, Perry the Platypus, it's finally ready! (Button beeps) Too bad you can do nothing but watch as I launch my Space Laser-Inator!
(Beeping)
Vanessa: Wow, I bet that thing must be really evil, huh?
Doofenshmirtz: Vanessa, take a look out that window and tell me what you see.
Vanessa: Uh, not much.
Doofenshmirtz: Exactly! Ever since that stupid billboard went up, my panoramic view is completely ruined. I used to have this perfect vantage point for enjoying the delicious misery of others.
(Flashbacks)
(Car crashes)
Man: Oh, man!
(Bone snaps)
Man #2: Oh, man!
Woman: You owe $78,000.
Man #3: Oh, man!
(Flashbacks end)
Doofenshmirtz: But, after I launch this baby into orbit, my problem will be solved! Then, I can go on to eliminate all the other annoyances that make my skin crawl! Like, uh...nature! (Laser zaps) Beauty! (Laser zaps) Crowd: Aw.
Doofenshmirtz: Morning talk show hosts!
(Laser zaps)
(Crowd cheers)
Doofenshmirtz: Soon, there will be nothing that can withstand the wrath of Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz!
Vanessa: Doctor? Since when were you a doctor?
Doofenshmirtz: They don't just give these out to anybody, you know.
Vanessa: Anybody with 15 bucks, they do.
Doofenshmirtz: That's enough looking! I'd love to debate you, but I have some pressing business to take care of, like remaking the Tri-State Area in my own, twisted image! (Laughs maniacally)
Vanessa: Oh my gosh! This is worse than I thought! Oh, Dad is going to be so busted.
Vanessa/Candace: Busted

(At the cooking class)
Cooking Instructor: Now, carefully pour the batter. Slowly, slowly. (Phone rings, Glass smashes)
Charlene: Oh, for Pete's sake! Vanessa?
Linda: Candace, this better be important.
Charlene: He's doing what?
Linda: Honey, are you sure you're not exaggerating just a little bit?
Charlene: Well, it's not that I don't believe you, honey...
Linda: But every time I race home, I find out everything is just fine.
Charlene: Yes, I'll be right over. (Phone beeps)
Linda: I'm on my way. (Phone beeps) Teenagers!
Charlene: Tell me about it.
(The phone burns on the stove)

(At Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.)
Doofenshmirtz: Now, to launch my creation and begin my reign of terror! Evil terror. (Button beeps, whirring; Ding) Huh? Ah. (ice cream splats onto him) Ugh... Well, this can't be right.

(In the backyard)
(Button beeps)
Phineas: Get ready for a giant sundae!
(The inator blasts off)
Phineas: Well, this can't be right. Lemme see those blueprints. Oh, wait a minute. Those are the plans for a Space Laser-inator, apparently. I was wondering what that thing was for. That must be the laser. (briefly, we see the laser on the ground) Good thing we didn't attach it, huh?

(Horror music; Candace is at the door, bouncing and pointing)
Candace: Mom, Mom! Hurry!! Come on, come on!!!
Linda: Hi, kids. How are you doing?
Candace: Huh?
Phineas: We're just about to make a nice handmade ice cream sundae for Isabella.
Linda: Oh, that is so sweet! Come on in the kitchen. I'll help you with it.
(Linda walks in. Candace just says there, frozen)

(Inside the D.E.I. building, Charlene comes up the elevator)
Vanessa: Come on, Mom! Hurry!
(Cut to Doofenshmirtz's apartment, the door opens)
Vanessa (cont.): (with her eyes closed) See?! Evil!! I told you!!!
(horror music)
Charlene: Hmm...um, that's not evil, dear. (Vanessa looks on horrified, we see Doofenshmirtz covered in ice cream)
Charlene (cont.): Bit much, perhaps. Heinz, what is all this? I thought you were lactose intolerant.
Doofenshmirtz: I am!!
Charlene: (presses button; more ice cream falls) Oh... I'm paying you way too much alimony. (Notices Perry, now in pet mode) And what's over there? That is no way to treat your pet!
Vanessa: But Mom, that's a secret agent!
Charlene: A secret agent? He's just a little platypus. They don't do much, you know.
(Vanessa gives a disgusted look at the camera)

(In Isabella's room, Isabella is presented with a normal sized ice cream sundae)
Isabella: Wow, guys, this is amazing! I was afraid you guys were gonna go overboard and build some giant sundae contraption or something!
Phineas: Actually, we were gonna do that, but we accidentally build a space laser instead. (At Ferb) Ferb, you're usually so focused. How did you get those plans confused?

(Flashback)
(Ferb and Vanessa are at Blueprint Heaven. Ferb stares at Vanessa, she appears to him over a pink background with flowers)
Vanessa: Hey, how's it goin'?
(Flashback ends)

Phineas: Hey, Ferb. Snap out of it. What happened back there?
Ferb: (pause) I was weak.

End Credits

(Song: Busted)
Vanessa/Candace: There's a new cop on the beat, and I'm bringin' down the heat
Candace: My eyes are wise to all your lies, 'cause you're not that discreet
Vanessa: And I don't care what you heard
Both: 'Cause there's one 6-letter word
Vanessa: It's gonna set me free
Candace: Gonna set me free
Vanessa: It starts with a "B"
Candace: Starts with a "B"
Both: Goes "B-U-S-T-E-D", you are busted

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