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It's No Picnic/Transcript

< It's No Picnic

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(Opens showing the Flynn-Fletcher house, then the camera cuts to Phineas, Ferb and the gang in the backyard.)
Phineas: Come on gang, let's get started on building our megamondo--
Buford: Eh, no can do, Dinner Bell! It's family day, and the Van Stomms from the low countries are visiting. (walks away) Buford is out, G!
Phineas: Well that's a bummer. But we can come over some workarounds. (to Isabella and Baljeet) So if you two--
Baljeet: No can do, Phineas. I am taking an eastern Indian cooking class. We are going to make goat vindaloo. If we can ever find a goat. (goat brays offscreen) Oh! There is one now. Gotta run! (runs away)
Phineas: Well, good luck! (pauses) Well the plans will still work with just three of us.
Linda: (walks up) I'm afraid your plans will have to wait until after Ferb's dental appointment. (walks Ferb with her) Come on, honey, time to go!
Ferb: All right.
(They exit.)
Phineas: Wow, I've never seen Ferb so nervous. Hmm. Well I guess it's just the two of us, huh. (Isabella squeals excitedly with an exaggerated smile on her face.) Isabella, are you all right?
Isabella: (slaps herself, acting normal) Oh. Oh yeah. We can spend the day together, that'll be fun! Whatever.
Phineas: Let's see; with only two of us, we'd have to reallocate some weight in order to... (pause) Huh. Well, maybe if we just reduce the amount of... (sighs) No, that won't fly either. Y'know, this is a lot harder without Ferb around.
Isabella: But he never says anything.
Phineas: It's not what he doesn't say, it's how he doesn't say it.
Isabella: Well I can get the Fireside Girl Manual for inspiration.
Phineas: That sounds great! Thanks.
(Isabella runs off)
Phineas: Wow! Even Perry's gone... but that's pretty normal.

(Perry secretly dives into a cereal box, and falls into his lair, followed by a heap of cereal.)
Doo be doo be doo bah
Doo be doo be doo bah
Perry!
Major Monogram: I see you've taken our new breakfast-themed lair entrance. It's the most important lair entrance of the day. Anyhoo, OWCA has surveillance footage of Doofenshmirtz raiding thrift-store dollar bins. Not sure if it's evil, but it's, just kind of pathetic. Get to the bottom of this, and stop Doof's potential poverty-driven criminal freakout. And um, how 'bout ya pick up a cup of coffee for him on your way over? It's on me. Use some petty cash. (Perry salutes, then leaves) I feel bad for the poor guy.

(Cut to the Fireside Girls lodge, then to a red telephone under a glass lid on a podium. It rings.)
Gretchen: (offscreen, gasps) The Fireside Phone!
(On the end of this, Gretchen and Ginger rush up, the latter takes off the glass lid, the former answers the phone.)
Gretchen: Gretchen at the ready, ma'am! Commence debriefing!
(Cut to Isabella on her smartphone outside her house.)
Isabella: Gretchen, we have a Code Pink! Romeo is alone! Repeat: Romeo is alone!
(Cut back to Gretchen.)
Gretchen: Roger that. Don't panic, we're on our way.
(Cut back to Isabella as she puts her phone away. Gretchen is suddenly standing next to her.)
Gretchen: (saluting) Reporting for duty, ma'am.
(Isabella blinks twice in confusion.)

(Flip to Gretchen leading Isabella to Holly, who is blowing up an inflatable Fireside Girls clubhouse.)
Gretchen: The troop is establishing the mobile tactical headquarters as we speak!
Isabella: Nice hustle. (She and Gretchen walk inside.)
(Holly pulls a cord, and an inflatable tree blows up next to the clubhouse.)

(Cut to Candace, walking in the street on her phone with her eyes closed.)
Candace: I know, right? With Phineas and Ferb split up for the day, it's practically a vacation! (She passes by Isabella's house with the clubhouse next to it in the background.) Yes, I know we're already on summer vacation, Stace. I was just -- (Opens her eyes and turns around, notices the clubhouse) What? A Fireside Girls mobile tactical unit? Sorry, Stace, gotta go! (Hangs up and runs off.)

(Cut to inside the clubhouse, Candace barges the door open.)
Candace: Okay, what are you doing (Walks up to Isabella and Gretchen) and what has to do with my brothers?
Isabella: Um... (Scoffs, cut to the other girls working on a scale model on a table, continues offscreen) it's...something of a delicate matter.
Milly: Romeo is all go!
Candace: Delicate?
Isabella: Well, you might not know, but I have a little bit of crush on Phineas?
Ginger: (offscreen) Little being subjective.
Isabella: (dryly) Stand down, Fireside Girl.
Candace: (realizing) Totally get the crush thing! You know, I don't quite get the Phineas thing. I mean, you do realize his head is a triangle.
Isabella: (Sighs, romantically) Yeah, it's so acute!
Candace: Whatever. I have got your back, sister. I will stay outta the yard, and keep Mom out of the way too. (Folds her arms) Like, that should be difficult.

(Cut to the exterior of Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated as the Evil Jingle doorbell rings. Cut to inside, Perry is outside the door to Doofenshmirtz's apartment, holding a coffee cup. The door opens, Doofenshmirtz comes out, having a 5:00 shadow on his face.)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, it's you, Perry the Platypus. (Perry presents him the coffee cup.) What? Oh, for me? (He takes it.) Oh, that's a nice gesture, thanks. (Perry walks inside.) A-and you even used the doorbell instead of just crashing through, like you usually do. Alright, really appreciate this, Perry the Platypus, 'cause you know, money's a little tight lately, I can't even rub two nickles together. (Cut to Perry standing on a white patch of floor, he continues offscreen) Although if I had two nickles, I don't think I could sit and rub them together. (While saying this, Perry stares at the screen, then eventually sinks into the floor.) Oh, oh yeah, you're trapped, Perry the Platypus, (Cut to him) it's quick hardening, non-dairy creamer. Like I said, I'm on a budget. I know what you're thinking, Perry the Platypus, how could this happen to such a (Close-up of a stern Perry, he continues offscreen) withed guy like Heinz Doofenshmirtz? (Cut to him) Well, my ex-wife Charlene is out of the country on one of those...Extreme Eco-cultural Exploration Vacations. I -- I don't know what they do on those trips, but I imagine it's (crossfade to a still image of Charlene zip-lining with money flying out of her pocket, he continues offscreen) very expensive. (dissolve to her kayaking) Ugh, she's got some nerve! (cut to her hula dancing) That's -- that's my alimony she's throwing away! (cut back to he and Perry, he's showing him the images on his phone) And the worst is, she keeps texting me these pics! (puts it in his pocket, it beeps and vibrates) Oh, come on, really?! (walks offscreen) Anyway, the problem is I've already spent this month's alimony on my new -inator and -- (cut to him walking towards his new inator) and now I don't have enough money left to send Vanessa to the Grievance movie marathon she wants to see, and they're playing all the Grievance movies in order. They've got The Grievance, they've got Grievance 2: The Gripe, Grievance 3: Bone To Pick, and Grievance 4: The Revenge of the Italian Jug Band. You know, I don't think that last one is canon. Oh, what kind of father am I? Oh, oh, the shame is overwhelming, I can't even enjoy using my new Teleport-inator! (Music sting plays, ominous timpani follows) Nah, nah, I'm just not in the mood. Maybe tomorrow.
(Cut to a radio broadcast room where The Slacks stop playing the music)
Doofenshmirtz: And it was such a stellar plan, too. I was gonna use it to send City Hall, and consequently my brother Roger, back to Drusselstein, and out of his mayoral jurisdiction. No fuss, no muss, just bzzt, and he's gone, instantly. (Cut to Perry, who counts down on his fingers.) Ugh, if only if it were that easy to get Vanessa to the movie theater, wait -- (Perry points at him.) hey, wait a second! (looks at the giant dial on the inator) I could just add another setting to my Teleport-inator and send Vanessa directly to the theater, and completely bypass those ridiculously inflated movie ticket prices. Oh man, am I good! That deserves a victory sip. (drinks coffee) Egh! Wait—what is this, decaf? (cut to a put-out Perry) It's like you don't even know me!

(Cut to the clubhouse)
Gretchen: (from inside) Alright, Fireside Girls. (cut to her in front of a computer and speaking into a microphone, Ginger stands next to her) Initiating Operation: Perfect Picnic.
(Cut to Isabella outside the backyard gate)
Isabella: (into her earpiece) Roger that! (opens gate and walks in)
(Cut to Candace in the living room reading a book, she sees the action outside.)
Candace: Well, looks like the operation is in phase two and I am gonna make myself scarce. (Stands up) Cadet Flynn is out, peace! (walks away)
(Cut to outside, Isabella opens the Fireside Girl Manual.)
Isabella: Here we go. Let's just take a look -- (gets a thoughtful look, sounds like a valley girl) You know, I'm kinda hungry.
Phineas: Well then, why not just have a picnic?
Isabella: (acting) Well. What a great idea! And I just happen to have... (shows picnic basket, singy-songy) a picnic basket right here!
(Cut to Gretchen at the computer.)
Gretchen: Ooh, she's good.
(Cut back to Phineas.)
Phineas: Wow! Way to be prepared, Isabella!
Isabella: (acting) Just doing my Fireside Girl thing! I packed it with some Mexican-Jewish delicacies like... (she shows a cheesecake like meal with a gelatin fish head.) gefilte-flan! (close up of it) It wobbles.
Phineas/Isabella: Eww! (laugh)
Phineas: That looks ridiculous!
(On the end of this, zoom out as Irving looks over the fence. Cut to Holly looking at a radar.)
Holly: Oh no! We've got a Code Irving!
Gretchen: Strike team deploy!
Isabella: Let's see what else I've got.
(Irving opens his mouth to speak, but is dragged down out of sight.)
Phineas: Did you hear something?
Isabella: Nope!
(Cut to inside the clubhouse, the door opens, and the girls bring in a bagged Irving.)
Ginger: (salutes) Mission accomplished!
(Adyson pulls off the sheet, revealing Irving, all tied up.)
Irving: Hello, ladies! (purrs)

(Cut to Doofenshmirtz working on the Teleport-inator.)
Doofenshmirtz: The fox hops over the log...the rabbit crawls under the log... (ties wires in a bow, closes compartment) okay, got it! Now, to send -- (falls off) Ahem. And now, to send my daughter to the movies! (horror music plays) Aw, you see, it's just doesn't work in this instance. You know what, you guys just take the rest of the day off.
(Cut to the Slacks)
Slack #3: Want to go see a movie?
Slack #2: Yeah, sure. How about Grievance 4?
(Cut back to Doofenshmirtz)
Doofenshmirtz: Hey Vanessa, Pumpkin Pants. Can you come in here for a second? (turns knob, Vanessa enters) Good news, sweetie, I can send you to the movies after all!
Vanessa: Really? Dad, it's no big deal.
(On the end of this, Doofenshmirtz presses a button which activates the inator. Vanessa gets zapped, and disappears.)

(Cut to a movie theater filled with kids, Vanessa appears among them.)
Kids: Ducky Mo, Ducky Momo
(Vanessa facepalms, pan to the right revealing Candace singing along.)
Candace and Kids: Ducky Mo, Ducky Momo

(Cut back to Doofenshmirtz.)
Doofenshmirtz: I did it! (Cut to Perry, who looks up at the coffee cup. He continues offscreen) And now that my super dad status is intact, it's time to take care of business! (Perry hops over to the table and grabs the cup.) And by business, (Perry takes the lid off the cup) I mean evil. (Perry pours the coffee on the creamer block, melting it.) It's time to set my sights on (Cut back to him) on City H -- (Perry kicks him, he slides down the inator.)
(The knob on the inator spins around, then fires at a flower vase on a table, making it disappear.)

(Cut to two tourists looking at a painting in a museum.)
Male tourist: Hmm. (The vase and table appear in front of the painting.) Ohh, now I get it!

(Cut back to Doofenshmirtz, the Teleport-inator starts teleporting things everywhere.)
Doofenshmirtz: Hmm. I didn't count on an oscillate function, Somehow I...I don't think this bodes well for my plan.

(Cut to Holly watching Phineas and Isabella on a monitor.)
Isabella: (onscreen, acting) That's one of my own creations! I call it the Enchillatke!
Phineas: (onscreen) It was delicious!
(Cut to D.E.I., a ray from the Teleport-inator fires. Cut to Ferb at the dentist, the ray hits him and he disappears.)
Dentist: Ah, here we are. (turns around, sees that Ferb's gone) Gladys, we have a runner.
(Cut back to the backyard, Phineas opens the picnic basket. Isabella yawns, then leans over. She ends up putting her arm around Ferb, who has appeared. She looks up at Ferb, gasps, and inches away, just as Phineas looks up.)
Phineas: Hey, Ferb! You're back! (Ferb doesn't say anything.) Brilliant! (to Isabella) See what I mean, Isabella?
Isabella: (acting, sounds a bit sad) Yeah, it's how he doesn't say it.
Phineas: Let's get to work, this'll be the biggest picnic ever! (walks off) I'll get the tools!
Isabella: (into her earpiece) Alright girls, Union Jack is back. Operation: Perfect Picnic is now Operation: Ginormous Non-romantic Overblown Picnic.
Ferb: (with his mouth full of procaine) Ab flabahem abla flapabla.
Isabella: It's alright, big guy. You guys just do what you do.
Phineas: (runs into the scene, blueprints in hand) Looks like we're gonna need a change of venue. How 'bout the park?

(Cut to Doofenshmirtz and Perry's fight. Perry gets zapped by the Teleport-inator and disappears.)
Doofenshmirtz: What do you know? No more Perry the Platypus. Transported to some random location somewhere. (Perry reappears and punches his nose, he disappears.) Ow! What -- (Perry reappears behind him, grabbing his head.) OW!! OWEY!

(Cut to Candace and Vanessa walking away from the theater, which was showing "Ducky Momo Festival".)
Vanessa: Thanks for introducing me to the ironic enjoyment of Ducky Momo, Candace.
Candace: Ironic, yeah. Ha ha. So, your dad was really raised by wild ocelots?
Vanessa: O.M.G., I wish that was (Candace suddenly stops walking and stares in shock.) the weirdest thing about my family. (Close up on Candace.) Candace? (Reveal she is looking at a picnic themed amusement park from Danville Park, she walks back to her) Oh, you know, amusement parks really aren't my thing, but... (walking away) Knock yourself out, girl! Ducky Mo, Ducky Momo, he's your very best friend!
Candace: Okay, I said I'd give them space for a romantic picnic, that is not a romantic picnic. That is Bust Town U.S.A.! (She enters the park.)

(Song: "Pic-A-Nic Bust")
Candace: Here is where I'll make my final stand
I'm gonna bust my brothers down in Picnicland
In Picnicland...

(Camera rotates around an amazed Candace, whose expression gives way to a triumphant smile.)

It'll be a Pic-A-Nic-A-Nic-A-Nic Bust!
A Pic-A-Nic-A-Nic-A-Nic Bust!
A Pic-A-Nic-A-Nic-A-Nic Bust!
A Pic-A-Nic-A-Nic-A-Nic Bust!

I can bust them at the grill
Or the hotdog on the hill
A Pic-A-Nic-A-Nic-A-Nic Bust!
I can take them on the waffle tram
With a side of deviled ham
A Pic-A-Nic-A-Nic-A-Nic Bust!

This is gonna be my finest hour
'Cause now I'm gonna bust the boys with
Picnic Power!
It'll be a Pic-A-Nic-A-Nic-A-Nic Bust!
A Pic-A-Nic-A-Nic-A-Nic Bust!
A Pic-A-Nic-A-Nic-A-Nic Bust!
A Pic-A-Nic-A-Nic...

Candace: (dialing phone) I am so gonna relish this bust! (answers it) Mom!!
(Cut to Linda driving in her car with an earpiece.)
Linda: Candace, it'll have to wait. I've gotta pick up Ferb from the dentist.
(Cut back to Candace.)
Candace: Mom! Ferb's here! At the park!
(Cut back to Linda.)
Linda: Oh, well, he must've gotten out early. I'm on my way.

(Cut to Baljeet with the Tjinder family having a picnic.)
Baljeet: Try our famous Tjinder family vindaloo!
(Pan left revealing Buford and the Van Stomm family also having a picnic)
Buford: No, no. Try our Van Stomm family bitterballen!
Baljeet: (running) Try the vindaloo!
Buford: (also running) Bitterballen!
Baljeet: Vindaloo!
Buford: Bitterballen!
(Both bump into each other.)
Baljeet: Hey, you got your bitterballen in my vindaloo.
Buford: And you got your vindaloo all over my bitterballen!
Baljeet: I wonder if these two great tastes will taste great together.
Buford: Nah. We should kill this with fire.
Baljeet: (pauses) Agreed.

(Cut back to D.E.I., Perry is still fighting Doofenshmirtz and the Teleport-inator is still firing.)
Doofenshmirtz: (groaning)
(The ray from the Teleport-inator hits the mirror again, it hits itself, plus Doofenshmirtz and Perry. They all disappear.)

(Cut to the picnic amusement park where the Teleport-inator and Doofenshmirtz and Perry appear.)
Doofenshmirtz: What happened? Something just happened. I smell bitterballen. Where are we? (Perry lifts his hands off his eyes.) Hey, not bad, I can totally go for a mid-afternoon walk. (Perry hops onto the Teleport-inator and looks at the self-destruct button.) What are you doing? (Perry turns the knob to the "home" setting.) CURSE YOU PERRY THE -- !
(The entire amusement park disappears, leaving behind a normal park landscape.)

(Cut to the park entrance where Candace brings Linda over as usual, Phineas and Isabella can be seen behind Candace.)
Candace: Over here, you gotta see this!
Linda: (notices Phineas and Isabella) Oh, Candace, you're right.
Candace: I am?!
Linda: That is just adorable.
Candace: (turns around) What?!!
(Close up on Phineas and Isabella under a tree.)
Phineas: Wow. I don't know where it all went. It's a good thing we brought our own basket, huh?
(Isabella squeals excitedly, but slaps herself again.)
Isabella: (acting) Yes. Yes it is.
(Cut back to Linda with a dumbfounded Candace, she puts her hand on her shoulder)
Linda: Come on, Candace. Let's go home.
Candace: But but but—a whole park!!
Linda: Yup. (walks Candace away with her) And just the two of them.
Candace: (offscreen) I get it. But, ew.

End Credits

(Song: "Punky Momo")
Kids: Bring on Ducky, Ducky Momo. Bring on Ducky, Ducky Momo.
Candace and Vanessa: Who's the happy time toy-toy?
For every girl and boy-boy?
Who's the fuzzy enjoyment?
Make fun with Ducky Momo!
Kids: Bring on Ducky, Ducky Momo!
Candace and Vanessa: Ducky Mo, Ducky Momo.
He's your very best friend.
Ducky Mo, Ducky Momo.
He's your very best friend!

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