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It's a Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud World/Transcript

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(Scene opens up with Phineas and Ferb playing with remote-controlled cars.)
Linda: Hey, boys.
Phineas: Hey, Mom!
Linda: What are you up to today?
Phineas: We're racing our remote-controlled monster trucks. (Remotes clicking)
Linda: I don't see any monster trucks.
Phineas: Oh, that's 'cause we rigged them to go light-speed. You how those stock motors are. They never give you enough action.
Linda: (oblivious) You boys have such active imaginations. You must get it from your father.

(Cut to Lawrence painting a picture by number)
Lawrence: Let's see... Green goes to number 5. (Laughs) I'm painting!

(Cut back outside, we hear a car horn)
Linda: Oh, Charlene's here. I'm off to my cooking class.
Phineas: Bye, Mom. (At Ferb) Final lap, Ferb. (Cars zooming) Aw! Another photo finish. I'm never watching closely enough to see who won.

(In Candace's room)
(Phone rings)
Candace: Despair speaking.
Stacy: Care to explain why "Despair" isn't picking up her cell phone this morning?
Candace: Because of a little thing called PARALLEL PARKING! You see yesterday, Dad was teaching me how to drive...
(Flashback)
Lawrence: Okay, Candace. All you have to do is park between this plastic trash can, and that plastic trash can.
Candace: So I put it in reverse... AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH! (drives back and forth slamming into the two trash cans)
(Flashback ends)
(moving phone back and forth) AAH! AAH! AAH! (Sobbing) Then Dad said my parallel parking needs a little work! It means I'll never get my driver's license! I'm such a loser.
Phineas: Oh my gosh, Ferb. I can't believe it! I've never noticed how soft our carpets are. But more importantly, we have to help Candace get her confidence back. Any ideas?
(Ferb pulls out blueprint)
Phineas: This is perfect! The Candace Crusher! Nothing says confidence like a monster truck. Hey, where's Perry?


(Slide squeaking)
Major Monogram: Oh, hey Agent P. So, get this: I got this memo this morning on Doofenshmirtz. And somebody abbreviated his name and it- guess how they wrote it. (Pauses) Doof! (Laughs) The Doof! (Laughs again) It's times like these when you really appreciate having a cool name like Monogram.
Carl: And Carl.
Major Monogram: I already told you your name's not that cool. Anyway, do your stuff, Agent P, and stop that- DOOF! (Laughs)


(At the Flynn-Fletcher house; backyard)
Phineas: Take it all the way back. Keep it moving. Waterfall, the orange cones, parts, left to the garage, bleachers, right, um, Giant Baby Head... any where's good.
(Blow torch fizzing, rocks being scooped, drill whirring)
(Fanfare)
Lawrence: (Kisses; Horn honking) Oh, hey boys.
Phineas: Dad, you might want to wipe the queen off your face.
Lawrence: Oh, oh, yeah, thanks. (Notices the monster truck) CRIKEY! A monster truck!
Phineas: Yeah! Isn't it sweet? It's to help to teach Candace how to parallel park and stuff. We figured out if she learned how to drive on of these monsters, she's got the confidence to drive anything.
Lawrence: Oh yeah, brilliant. But I better check with Mom about this. (At phone) Uh, hello honey, yes, yes, oh gosh, I love you too, darling. Uh, are you aware the boys have a monster truck in the backyard?
Linda: Honestly, you're as bad as Candace.
Lawrence: Okay, okay. Just checking. (At Phineas and Ferb) It's a go, boys! I'll get your sister!

(At the cooking school)
Cooking Instructor: Ahem. Madam Flynn, I have told you a hundred times, (Bashes phone) NO PHONE CALLS IN CLASS! (Phone ringing; Laughs) Hello? (At Linda) It is for you.
Linda: Hello?
Candace: Mom, I think the boys are building a monster truck.
Linda: Um, honey, I gotta go. No- B-Big chef. Big meat tenderizer in front of mommy. Bye bye.

(At the Flynn-Fletcher house; backyard)
Candace: Oh, this seems like a good idea.
Phineas: I gotcha.
Candace: Oh, what's the point? I'm never gonna be able to parallel park.
Phineas: Don't worry, sis. It's just to build your confidence.
Lawrence: Okay, don't forget to buckle up.
Candace: But we can't drive here. It's just the backyard.
(Phineas and Ferb pulls rope, revealing the Monster Truck Rally)
Meap!


Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.!
Doofenshmirtz: Gentlemen, I have a unique investment opportunity for you. I'm sure you're all aware of the popularity of monster trucks, right? But you know, they are not really monsters, just big, stupid trucks! So, I came up with my own line of monster trucks! Behold!
(Electric Guitar)
Very evil, don't you think? And there's even one that looks like me! Look, look! (Laughs) We'll corner the markets! And just to be sure, I have created: The Monster Truck Away-inator! (Dramatic music) You know, to do away with the competition.
Evil Investor: But is it safe to use?
Doofenshmirtz: Sure, let me demonstrate. (Fires laser, shooting at the evil investor) See? It doesn't affect people at all!
Evil Investor: (Head swelling up)
Doofenshmirtz: Except maybe a little swelling, but don't worry, it will go down. You know, probably. Now, watch what it does to this miniature monster truck! (Fires laser; Evil Investors talking at once) I don't know where it sends them, maybe another dimension.

Alien: (Eats the miniature truck)

Doofenshmirtz: Of course, that was just a toy. Let's try it out on a real monster truck. Huh? Which brings me to my next invention. The Monster Truck Locate-Inator! (At Perry) Perry the Platypus? Guess what? That's not a monster truck locate-inator at all! It's a Chinese platypus trap! (Laughs) I got you. Here's the real Locate-inator! Okay, now, where is the nearest monster truck? Yes! Right here in Danville! Okay, everybody, get in me and we'll go.
Evil Investor: Are you sure you want to bring him?
Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus? Well, yes, of course. He's my nemesis. I have to show him everything.


News Reporter: Good afternoon, Danville! Dink Winkerson here, and this is little Isabella Garcia-Shapiro from Fireside Girl Troop 46231. And she got a little announcement to make.
Isabella: (inhales, man's voice) WEDNESDAY, WEDNESDAY, WEDNESDAY! GIANT MONSTER TRUCK RALLY RIGHT HERE IN DANVILLE! CANDACE THE CRUSHER TAKES ON ALL COMERS! BE THERE, BE THERE, BE THERE! WE'LL GIVE YOU THE WHOLE SEAT, BUT YOU'LL ONLY NEED THE EDGE! (normal voice, giggles) Thanks, Dink.

(At the Flynn-Fletcher house; backyard)
Phineas: All right, Candace. All you have to do is maneuver through this traffic cone course.
Candace: Oh. So I put it into drive... AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH!
Phineas: I don't think we're gonna get a deposit back on those cones. Okay, Candace. All you have to do on this test is go up this gentle incline.
Candace: Dad, you look nervous.
Lawrence: No, of course not. I- I have full confidence in you.
(Rock music)
Candace: Phineas, this incline is getting kind of steep!
Phineas: Don't worry, Candace. It gets steeper!
(Monster truck revving)
Next, the break portion of the test.
(Squeaking; Crowd cheering)
Candace: (Gasps) I can't believe I did it!
Lawrence: (Breaks handle) Oh, well done!


Doofenshmirtz: Okay, left on to Maple Drive, and here we are! Oh, great. There's no parking spot! I should've invented a Parked Car Away-Inator.
Evil Investor: Oh, ja! That is something that I vould buy.
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, look at him. He's got a big head, suddenly some sort of marketing genius.


(At the Flynn-Fletcher house; backyard)
Lawrence: Oh, well done, Candace! Let's- (Cars revving)
Monster Truck Driver: You're Candace the Crusher?
Candace: Yes...?
Monster Truck Driver: I heard pigs could fly, but now I've seen everything! (Laughs)
Candace: That doesn't make any sense.
Monster Truck Driver: It doesn't have to; I got a monster truck! Woohoo..!
Lawrence: Candace, those dudes need to suck our mud!
(Song: Truck Drivin' Girl)
Now let me tell you all the story 'bout a truck driving girl
In a custom made monster truck she took for a whirl
That little speed demon's gonna be a star
With her learner's permit and an adult in the car
She may be out for a long, but she can't parallel park,
She's a truck drivin' girl! She's a truck drivin' girl!
(Guitar solo)
Candace/Lawrence: AAH! Well, then someday she'll get her license and she'll have it all
She can pick up her friends and take a drive at the mall
That little redhead's gonna rock my world,
She's a truck drivin' girl! She's a truck drivin' girl!
She's a tire-spinning, gear-grinding, clutch-burning, backfiring, paint-trading, red-lining, overheating, throttle-stomping truck drivin' girl!
Phineas: It's a photo finish! The winner will be decided by our final event: The Parallel Parking Challenge!
Candace: Parallel Parking?
Monster Truck Driver: Ha ha! You're goin' down, girlie! Check out the finesse! (Backs up car, hits trash can) AAH! AAH! AAH! AAH...!
Lawrence: See, Candace? Even a trained professional has trouble from time to time. Now, I want you to just relax, and park this car!
Candace: (Parks car) Yes!
Ferb: (Playing Fanfare)
Phineas: Perfect!
(Crowd cheering)


Doofenshmirtz: Time for some Monster Truck Away-Inating! Okay, steady now... Here we-
Perry!
Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus? But-but, but how did you get out of the Chinese platypus trap?
Man: Ancient Chinese secret. (snip snip)
Doofenshmirtz: I don't remember inviting him. (At Perry) No, wait! Perry the Platypus! No, no! Please! Don't turn the dial to the "Doofenshmirtz mobile and Evil Investors away-inator"! (Perry flips switch) I have to rethink my dials. (Car disappears)
Evil Investors: Hey, look guys! My swelling went down!
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, shut up.
Alien: (Eats Doofenshmirtz and evil investors; Burps)
Doofenshmirtz: (Bubble pops) Curse you, Perry the Platypus!


(At the Flynn-Fletcher house; backyard)
Candace: I did it!
Lawrence: I'm proud of you, darling. You really made them eat mud.
Candace: (Comes out of monster truck and falls onto mud)
Monster Truck Driver: Gotta admit it girl. You're good.
Phineas: Hey, aren't you Buck Buckerson? The famous monster truck rally promoter?
Buck Buckerson: That's right, and me and my boys are headed to a rally up in Badgertown. Only the track up ain't near as good as this one.
Phineas: You can have ours. We're through with it.
Buck Buckerson: That's mighty nice of you. Haul her away, boys.
Linda: Thanks for the ride, Charlene.
Ferb: (Presses button and monster truck turns into car)
Phineas: Hi, Mom.
Linda: Candace, why on earth are you all covered in mud?
Ferb: Because she's a tire-spinning, gear-grinding, clutch-burning, backfiring, paint-trading, red-lining, overheating, throttle-stomping truck drivin' girl.
Candace: And I learned how to parallel park!
Linda: Great!

End Credits

(Song: Truck Drivin' Girl)
Well, then someday she'll get her license and she'll have it all
She can pick up her friends and take a drive at the mall
That little redhead's gonna rock my world,
She's a truck drivin' girl! She's a truck drivin' girl!
Ferb: She's a tire-spinning, gear-grinding, clutch-burning, backfiring, paint-trading, red-lining, overheating, throttle-stomping
Truck driving girl! Yeah!

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