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Just Desserts/Transcript

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(Scene opens up showing the Flynn-Fletcher house. Backyard. Phineas introducing Baljeet and Buford into his and Ferb's today Big Idea, showing a picture in a board)
Na, na, na, na, na
Phineas: So this rock climbing wall will be big! And, best of all, it'll be built of all-natural, an 100% organic, free-range yard trimmings!
Baljeet: So is it only rock climbing wall?
Phineas: No, it's not only rock climbing wall. It's free-range organic rock climbing wall!
Baljeet: I can see how that would be relevant if we are going to eat it. We are not going to have to eat it, are we?!
Phineas: I guess if we had to we could... (Buford enters the picture and closes Baljeet's mouth)
Buford: Did I hear we're building something we can eat?
(Baljeet gets Buford's hand out his mouth)
Baljeet: You know, for the record, I would like to not be in a position today, where I have to eat this wall.
Phineas: We'll see what we can do, but we're not making any promises.

(In the kitchen Linda sits in a chair near to table where Lawrence washes the dishes. Linda's carrying a paper list in a hand and carefully watching to it. Candace enters the kitchen)
Candace: Mom, have you seen my other white skirt? (Looks at the list) What are those charts?
Linda: Hon, the rare and elusive, bent-bill knot-hatch is in it's nest building season. The birds will be done traveling North, and should be right here in town today!
Candace: Snores-ville.
Lawrence: No dear, the bird took a left at Snores-ville, and is up here in Danville. Can I get up high? (Candace high-fives Lawrence)
Linda: Woo! Okay, more specifically, it should be right in our backyard at exactly four today! Isn't that exciting!?
Candace: Wait wait wait wait wait! So you and a bunch of trained observers are going to be in our yard at exactly four in the P.M. today?
Linda: Well, yes.
Candace: Love it! The Booby-hatched trash-nut whatever it is, is my new favorite bird! This is awesome, see you guys later.
Linda: (To Lawrence) See? She thinks it's fun.
Lawrence: Oh, yes and I'm British, and so you think I'm supposed to like bird watching. (Imitating a British accent) Oh, I'm British, so I'll in the conservatory with tea and a crumpet. I'm saying that ironically but actually that sounds quite good. So I'm going to do that. Ta.

Candace: (outside in the backyard) Oh yeah. Yeah. This looks good. So how long 'till you're done with this contraption? Think you'll still be out here at four?
Phineas: I don't know. I guess so.
Isabella: (sadly) Hi Phineas. Whatcha doin'?
Phineas: Hey Isabella, rock climbing wall.
Isabella: Well, I just came by to tell you that I can't join in on the fun today. I've been charge of the task of recording the audio book version of the Fireside Girls Compendium Guide, it's gonna take forever.
Baljeet: That book does not look so intimidating.
Isabella: Dude! This is just the table of contents. The actual book is being transported from a secret bunker to a recording studio at the Fireside Girls Lodge. (The book is seen being air-lifted into the lodge) Seriously, this is going to take me a week.
Phineas: Hey, we can help. We'll just put this rock climbing wall off 'till tomorrow.
Candace: Wait. What? No! You guys keep working, I'll narrate the audiobook. (To Isabella) You stay here and help the boys. Not only will I finish recording your book today, I'll do it by four o'clock.
Isabella: So, let me get this straight; You'll do all the work, while I spend the day with Phineas? Mmm.... Deal. But do you know anyone who can work a state-of-the-art soundboard? Someone who can edit huge digital files? Someone who can understand basic mic-ing techniques?
(Irving slowly peeps over the side of a fence and emits small squealing noises)
Candace: (annoyed) What is it, Irving?
Irving: Okay, I'll do it. But only if Isabella says "where's Perry?"
Candace: No deal.
Irving: You drive a hard bargain, I admit.
Isabella: It's okay, I was about to ask that anyway!

(Perry jumps into his water bowl, and enters his lair)
Major Monogram: Ah, Agent P. we're getting reports that there is a distinct smell of confectioner sugar, and icing coming form Doofenshmirtz's building. He must be up to something evil and sweet. Sweet and evil. "Sweevil" if you will. Go and stop him.
Perry!

Irving: ...and put your headphones on. Fireside Girls Compendium, page one, and take one. Whenever you're ready.
Candace: Ma May Me Mo Mu. Topeka, Kansas. Topeka, Kansas. (Cut to reveal those are the actual words printed in the book.) Man this is the worst book dedication ever. How we doing in there Irving?
Irving: Levels are fine.

(Song: "The Fireside Girls" (instrumental))

Candace: Page one. Welcome Fireside girl. You're about to embark on a trans-formative journey that you will remember for years to come. (Later) ...and water should be boiled. Now on to part two of the introduction. (Later still) (hoarsely) Section 12, part 6. How to start a fire using only bobby pins and a hat. (Even later) Section 25, part 16. How to tell if a marshmallow is properly roasted. (Candace stumbles, and coughs dryly.)
Irving: Can I get you some water?
Candace: Maybe. (She glances at the clock) N-Keep it rolling, keep it rolling. (She continues) Beginning Section 25, part 17.

Phineas: Okay, gang. Is everybody all strapped into their harness.
Baljeet: Ready! But it is also the worst wedgie I have ever had.
Buford: Oh really?
Baljeet: Present company excluded.
Phineas: All righty then. Let's go.

(Song: "Rock Climbing Wall")
We keep on climbing, climbing like kudzu,
A creeping ficus up a climbing wall.
A social climber, climbing with debutantes;
There's Escanaba, I can see Montreal.
No, I've never been so happy,
Felt alive or looked so tall
Plus it's also a good aerobic workout
Climbing up a rock climbing wall...

As long as you don't fall!

Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated
Doofenshmirtz: Why if it isn't Perry the Platypus. And when I say "isn't" I mean "is". I know you're into martial arts. But I prefer the confectionery arts myself. (A gingerbread house falls on Perry) Gingerbread house trap. (Peeking through a window in the house)

(Song: "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" (Evil jingle version, instrumental))

Doofenshmirtz: Hey it looks a lot bigger on the inside than it does on the outside. Here, have some cozy gumdrop slippers. Hehehe. Now where was I? Oh yeah. I think I know why I'm having a hard time taking over the Tri-State Area It's because of dinner parties. Follow me, it goes somewhere. You see my brother Roger is a success, because of his amazing dinner parties, where he dazzles important guests, with his magnetic charm. But what if he were unable to charm anyone, because his fabulous dinner parties were over, before they began!? That's why I created this: the Bring-out-the-Dessert-inator! You see everyone knows that once the dessert comes out, the party's over. T-That's what's called a social cue. This rocket will go into a Rogercentric orbit around his house. At the wrong moment it will shoot a blast which will make Roger bring out the dessert. Ending his dinner party before it can begin. He'll lose his charming edge, and people will lose interest, in him. Bing-Bang-Boom. They'll stop voting for him, and that's when I'll slink in and takeove-- You know, I know I'm grasping at straws here, and ugh. I'll probably end up grasping a bendy-straw, and fall on my face, requiring months of rehab to learn how to monologue, all over again (Perry throws one of the gumdrop shoes at the Bring-out-the-Dessert-inator, hitting Doofenshmirtz with the ray) and off to empowerment camp, where I'll have to fall backwards-- Who want's desserts? (Doofenshmirtz goes off and grabs a few desserts) I made this lovely tiramisu. Heeey... It works! Oh you think you're very funny Perry the Platypus, blasting me with my own Bring-out-the-Dessert-inator. (Perry throws his other shoe at the -inator) Oh-ho-ho. I hope you left some room! I made a yummy double layered pumpkin cheesecake it has creamy-- Oh! You got me again. Well you made me bring it to you, so you're going to eat it. (Doofenshmirtz shoves a dessert at Perry, who bites Doofenshmirtz's hand) Ow! (Perry's cage breaks, but the -inator zaps him) Haha. Now it's your turn to bring out the-- (Perry leaps toward Doofenshmirtz, and he smashes the tiramisu into his mouth, sending them both flying back into the kitchen)

(Song: "Weaponry" (instrumental))
Doofenshmirtz: How about a banana split? (He shove a banana split down Perry's bill) Haha! Finally got your just desserts. What are you doing with that pound cake? I was saving that for company! (Perry forces Doofenshmirtz to eat the entire pound cake) Oh! Oh wow! Perry the Platypus, I'm getting such a sugar rush! How 'bout you? (Perry is shown to be having a sugar rush as well)

Candace: (in a hoarse voice) In conclusion, may your Fireside Girl experience be a treasured one with memories for a lifetime. The end.
Irving: Umm... I'd like you to do one more take on that last chapter.
Candace: I'd like to hurt you.
Irving: That's a wrap!

(At the top of the rock climbing wall)
Buford: Hey guys! I can see my thoughts! They're all sparkly and spread out around us.
Baljeet: It is the lack of oxygen; it makes you light-headed.
Phineas: I think it's time to climb down.
Baljeet: Ha-ha, coming down!
Buford: Oh I get it, we're in space. AAAAAGHAAGH! I heard that.

(Song: "Platypus Walk" (instrumental))

Doofenshmirtz: Can you do this, Perry the Platypus? Can you jump really fast, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down? Yeah, that's it, Perry the Platypus! Doesn't it feel good? Let's be jumping buddies. Let's just eat dessert and jump up and down and up and down and up and down all day. It'll be our thing. Just remember: I-I invented this. Because I am the inventor.

Candace: (In the backyard) Yes! it's still here!
Phineas: Hey Candace! How'd it go?
Candace: I finished recording, Irving's uploading it to the Fireside Girl mainframe as we speak
Isabella: Thanks so much Candace!
Candace: Yeah, yeah. Now the important thing to get Mom out here. (Hoarsely and quietly she yells) Mom! Mom!
Phineas: Do you want me to get Mom?
Candace: No! No. You stay here. Nobody move. If we leave, this thing'll disappear. She'll be out here in two minutes, with her bird watching group. I'll wait.

Doofenshmirtz: Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. (Doofenshmirtz collapses) Aww. Oh, sugar crash. (The -inator starts beeping) Oh! The Bring-out-the-Dessert-inator it must be almost time for Roger's dinner party to begin. (Doofenshmirtz sees Perry on the floor) Haha! Sugar crash! (The -inator launches) There she goes! And you can't do anything about it, because you're on a sugar crash. (Perry takes a plate of food out from under his hat.) Wait! Wait, what is that? Protein, and carbohydrates? No, well don't eat that! (Perry does so anyway) No! (Perry chases after the -inator on his jetpack) Okay, but, but let's do that jumping thing again sometime.
(The -inator fires)

Linda: (To her bird watching group) Okay gang, everyone follow me outside. The bird should be right-- (Linda gets hit with the -inator) Hey, who's ready for dessert? Doesn't that sound good?
Lawrence: Oh, see now? Brits like dessert.
Bird Watcher Male: Does this mean she wants us to leave?
Bird Watcher Female: Well according to social convention, I guess.

(Perry lands on the -inator)
Doofenshmirtz: Welcome Perry the Platypus. What took you so long? I'm speaking to you through this amplifier right next to the self destruct button. The rocket will soon be in orbit around my brother's house, ready for the next dinner party. And you can ride that rocket until your tail falls off, I don't care. Or until you find the self destruct button which is right next to (Perry presses the button) Aw, dang it! Curse you Perry the Plat-- (The -inator explodes) ...typus.

Candace: Mom! (She takes out her cellphone and calls Linda)
Linda: Candace?
Candace: Mom! Mom! Come outside!
Linda: Hon, I can't here you. Let's talk in a minute. (She hangs up) Who wants this a la mode?
Candace: Mom! (She runs inside)
Isabella: Look! Ooh! It the rare bent-bill knot-hatch! Isn't she beautiful? (The bird begins to pick at the rock climbing wall) She's finding material for her nest.
(A huge swam of the bird demolishes the rock climbing wall for nest building materials)
Phineas: Well, I guess they've got a lot of nests to make. We did build the thing out of pressed twigs and lawn clippings.
Ferb: Nature's little recyclers at work.
(Candace drags Linda outside)
Candace: (Seeing the rock climbing wall has gone) What? What? No! But, but but...
Linda: Oh, honey, I see it! (The rare bent-bill knot-hatch is shown to be on top of Candace's head) Don't move. Hold still. (Linda takes a picture) Got it! Oh, Candace, I wouldn't have seen it, if you hadn't grabbed my forcibly, and pulled me out here. Thank you! So, you kids want some dessert?
Phineas: Yeah!
Ferb: Some tea with honey would help that throat. And, there's crumpets in the conservatory as well. (He walks off)
Candace: He's so British.

End Credits

Phineas: Let's go!
We keep on climbing, climbing like kudzu,
A creeping ficus up a climbing wall.
A social climber, climbing with debutantes;
There's Escanaba, I can see Montreal.
No, I've never been so happy,
Felt alive or looked so tall
Plus it's also a good aerobic workout
Climbing up a rock climbing wall... As long as you don't fall!

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