"Lady Song" is a punk rock-themed musical number in "My Fair Goalie", performed by Eliza while she educates Candace on the basics of British etiquette. In the song she points out various things properly disciplined women should and should not do.
It's frightfully terribly hard to be a lady,
There's so many Ps and Qs you have to mind.
But the rewards I guarantee are rich and varied,
And worth all of the effort, you will find.
Your posture must be perfect,
And your diction crisp and clear.
Your speaking voice mellifluous and pleasing to the ear!
Your legs are crossed when seated,
Your toes are pointed so.
Your pinkies raised while drinking,
But that's not all you need to know...
(Tune changes to a heavier punk sound)
You mustn't curse or spit or tattle, never gossip!
A lady never scratches, sweats, or burps!
She knows which knife and fork and spoon to use and when,
And if soup is served, it's impolite to slurp!
It's always "please and thank you, sir or madam"!
Never brash or loud or putting on a show!
A lady is demure, reserved and proper,
And that is really all you need to know!
BMI Work #14104850
- The song starts slow, then goes faster like in "Spa Day", "Atlantis", "Summer (Where Do We Begin?)", "Wedding Adventure", "What'cha Doin'?", and "Real Boy".
- It isn't difficult to notice the massive irony in the lyrics of the song if one takes into account that punk rock songs are usually characterized by terse lyrics that bash order and authority often in favor of anarchy.
- Candace carrying books on her head is a reference to how many women in real life do this to have better posture.
- The pink poodles and fashion items in the background are similar to what can be seen in most Barbie advertisements.
"Evil Jingle" ("My Fair Goalie")