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Meatloaf Surprise/Transcript

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(Show Flynn-Fletcher house exterior)

Linda: (to Candace) So you and Stacy are going to a "Rock-n-Roll" memorabilia auction?
(Cut to Candace's room)
Candace: (to Linda) Well, yeah. They are gonna be auctioning off one of the original Tiny Cowboy bobble heads. (Flicks the Cowboy hat bobble-head) The lefty one.
Linda: So I guess I won't be seeing you at the annual Danville Meatloaf Festival?
Candace: No. What's a Meatloaf Festival?
Linda: Oh, that's right! You were away at camp last summer when I won this! (takes out "Meatloaf Queen" crown)
Candace: Meatloaf Queen? (doubtfully) Wow. That's pretty fancy.
Linda: (puts crown on) And because my meatloaf was voted best at the festival last year, I have the honor of being one of the judges this year.
Candace: So, you have the honor of eating other people's meatloaf all day?
Linda: Yup. I'm living the dream!

(In the backyard, Buford carries Baljeet over, gasping for breath)
Phineas: What happened?
Buford: We were just...at the bounce house...down at the Meatloaf Festival...and...and I was there, you know, having a good time, and suddenly...

(As he says this, we see a flashback of Buford at the bounce house, he suddenly bursts it with his feet)
Buford: Later!
(The kids start yelling and chasing Buford angrily)
Buford: Dude! Gotta go!
(Switch back to reality)

Buford: And even though it was funny, I still kinda wish that the bounce house was still there. You know, for the little kids.
Phineas: Buford's right!
Buford: I am?
Phineas: Even though they're made for little kids, there's something about a bounce house that you can't resist. What if bounce houses were made for bigger kids?
Buford: Hey!
Phineas: Slightly bigger kids. And what if they just happened to be totally amazing? I stand before you today and I hereby declare that...that, uh, little help, Ferb?
(Ferb puts on a fan to make Phineas's speech more dramatic)
Phineas: That nobody has yet done justice to the bounce house concept, and that it is up to us to show the world what a bounce house can truly be. For if not us...then, who? If not now...when? And if not when, then...something else! Gentlemen, I know what we are going to do today! But first answer me this: Where's Perry?
(Inspirational music and fan shut down abruptly)
Phineas: No, seriously, where is he? I don't...I haven't seen him.

(In Agent P's lair...)
Monogram: Good morning, Agent P. We've recently found surveillance footage of Doofenshmirtz buying fresh produce. We've concluded there are two possibilities. Either he's up to something sinister that is food related, or he's cooking dinner 'cause he's got a beautiful woman coming over and he wants to imp...never mind, it's obviously the first thing.

(In the backyard, Ferb is inflating a bounce house that he and Phineas just made)
Baljeet: Very impressive.
Phineas: Just a little bit more, Ferb.
(Ferb inflates more air, the bounce house increases in size)
Phineas: That's about right.

(At the meatloaf festival...)
Linda: Wow, Jamie Oliver. I can't believe we've got one of England's most famous chefs for our little Meatloaf Festival.
Jamie: Brilliant! It's a pleasure to be here.
Linda: Yes. This year we've expanded our venue. We have twenty-nine meatloaf flavored ice cream, as well as various meatloaf-themed attractions and rides.
Jamie: So, what exactly is "meatloaf"?
Linda: Oh, it's made of meat, it's got bread and onions.
Jamie: Ah! So it's a beverage.
Linda: Well, no. But it's sort of like shepherd's pie, except there's no potatoes or vegetables in it. You know, in the shape of a loaf.
Jamie: You put pepper in it?
Linda: If you want.
Jamie: Oh, meatloaf!

(Perry sees Doofenshmirtz's shadow on a tent. He pulls back the curtains, but there's only a strange bird shaped like Doofenshmirtz's head. Perry gets trapped with his foot in a rope suddenly)
Doofenshmirtz: Ha ha ha, welcome, Perry the Platypus! I never thought you'd fall for the old "distract Perry the Platypus with a weird bird" trap. I gotta say though, it's uh...it's quite an ugly bird. And now, for something a little more confining. (puts Perry in a clear box) You like it? It's biodegradable. A biodegradable trap. You know how everyone says, "if you don't like meatloaf, it's probably because you haven't tasted my meatloaf"? Well, it's true, because mine really is the best!
(Perry folds his arms, annoyed)
Doofenshmirtz: In fact, I come from a long line of great meatloaf chefs. The recipe was first created by my great, great grandmother Gretel Doofenshmirtz, who passed it down to my grandpa, José Doofenshmirtz, weird story there. Then he passed it down to my mom, who passed it down to...Roger. Ugh! Naturally, I had to steal it from him. And when I did, I finally found out what the secret ingredient was. The secret ingredient was hate. Usually it's love, but Great Grandma Gretel had some issues. With this recipe, I'm sure to win the Danville Meatloaf Festival! But just in case, I have the Rotten-inator! With a quick blast of this, my competitors' meatloaves will be completely rotten! My victory is guaranteed!

(Phineas, Ferb, Buford and Baljeet are boarding the bounce house)
Buford: Oh, man! This is awesome!
Phineas: And that's not the half of it. We're gonna fill it with helium. (turns on a helium machine)
Baljeet: Hey Buford! We are going to float like little woodland pixies!
Buford: You're never gonna let me live that down, are you?
Phineas: Okay, everybody, let's bounce.
Buford: Way ahead of ya!
(Song: Quirky Worky Song)
(the kids bounce through the house for several seconds)

(Cut to the Rock n Roll Mememorabilia Auction)
Auctioneer: The next item up for bid is this lovely Mona Lisa reproduction made entirely out of recycled guitar picks from the Paisley Sideburn Brothers. Shall we start the bidding at $10?
(Candace notices the bounce house out the window)
Candace: (to a posh woman) Excuse me? May I borrow these for a moment?
(The woman hands over her opera glasses)
Candace: Thank you! (looks through the glasses and sees the kids) Phineas and Ferb?! (at Stacy) Stacy, I'm gonna skip over my dramatic agonizing about whether I can resist the urge to bust my brothers and, I'm just gonna give you my $70, my auction paddle, and tell you to do the best you can to get that bobble head. (gives the woman back her opera glasses) Oh, here.
Posh woman: Thank you.
Candace: Seriously? Who brings opera glasses to an auction?
Posh Woman: I'm at an auction?

(Candace runs outside and grabs onto a rope from the bounce house. She holds on tight, dodging obsticles such as a traffic jam and bridge)
Candace: (dials phone) Talk to me, Stacy! How we doing?
Stacy: Okay, Candace, this is all the money you gave me, so this is my final bid.
Auctioneer: $70. Do I hear 75? $70 going once. 70 going twice. Oh, wait, we got 75 from the weird guy in the back.
Candace: Noooo!!! (splashes through fountain and coughs) Stacy, I found 37 cents! Raise the bid! Hello? Oh, stupid non-waterproof cell phones!

(Perry starts to use the smallest grappling hook to escape)
Doofenshmirtz: And with this garnish, I leace nothing to chance. Ha ha ha! The meatloaf is complete. (doesn't see Perry escape) Ooh, there's the judges. I'd better zap that guy's meatloaf. (tries to zap the meatloaf but zaps Perry's box, rotting it) I rotted the trap? OH, I should've never made that out of biodegradable materials! Stupid Mother Earth! (Perry punches him) For that, I'll turn you rotten, then perhaps you'll stop annoying me! (repeatedly fires the Rotten-inator)

Cucumber saleslady: Fresh cucumbers! (the cucumbers get zapped, and she changes the sign) Fresh pickles!
Old man: This novel is so riveting. (the novel gets zapped) Oh, what a rotten ending.
Milk man: Here's some refreshing milk.
(the milk gets zapped)
Girl: Eww! It's curdled!
Milk man: Well, I can fix that, here's a spoon.

Buford: Hey! We're over the Meatloaf Festival! Anybody else hungry?
(the Rotten-inator hits the rope, causing Candace to fall)
Chef: I don't know. It still needs something.
(Candace falls into the meatloaf bowl)
Candace: It need paprika.
Chef: Well, how much?

Buford: Time to eat! (slides down the rope, hanging on the end)
Phineas: Buford's pulling us down.
Baljeet: How is that possible? He weighs no more down there than he did up here!
Ferb: It's probably best not to question.
(Buford lands on the ground. Phineas, Ferb and Baljeet slide down the rope)
Phineas: Oh, boy, meatloaf on a stick? Let's go.
Buford: You guys go ahead. I'll catch up with ya.
Phineas: Okay, see ya in a few!
Baljeet: Buford, what are you up to?
Buford: I got something I need to do. (to the kids from earlier) Hey, shrimplets! I've got something for you.

(Doofenshmirtz is still repeatedly firing the Rotten-inator)
Doofenshmirtz: Hey, aren't you getting tired of this? Hold still! I'll --
(He suddenly zaps his meatloaf, turning it rotten)
Doofenshmirtz: OH, NO! MY MEEEATLOOOAAAF! You know, I've noticed how often my inators hit things that I never intended them to hit? It's quite often...
(Perry punches Doofenshmirtz, causing him to release the Rotten-inator. He catches it)
Doofenshmritz: Perry the Platypus, give me that back.
(Perry throws the Rotten-inator into the blender, causing it to be destroyed)
Doofenshmirtz: AHH! Oh, and you had to put it on "puree", didn't you? CURSE YOU, PERRY THE PLATYPUS!

(Linda and Jamie arrive at Doofenshmirtz's booth)
Linda: All right, Jamie, how about this booth?
Jamie: UGH!
Linda: Ew! This is rancid!
Jamie: I can't believe I'm saying this, but some kind of preservatives in this meatloaf would've been a blessing.
(Linda places a "disqualified" sign on the meatloaf and they walk off)
Doofenshmirtz: Wait a minute. Disqualified? OHHH! It can't possibly be that bad, let me try it. (eats meatloaf and moans) Yes, someone's gonna have to...call the...paramedics, I think.

(at the bounce house...)
Baljeet: Buford, I have never seen this side of you before. I am very proud.
Buford: Yeah...
(Buford suddenly sticks a pin in the bounce house, popping it)
Baljeet: I retract my former statement.
Buford: Shall we be going? (carries Baljeet) Yep! (laughs)
Balthazar: Get him!
(The kids run after Buford just as before)

(Candace walks up to Linda, angry and dirty)
Linda: Hi, Candace. Eww! What have you got all over you?
Candace: A late entry. Okay, Mom, I've been dragged all over town by Phineas and Ferb's Mega Bounce House, which you'll probably never see, but the worst part is, I didn't even get my Tiny Cowboy bobble head!
Linda: What you need is an award winning meatloaf. This is Nigel and Adrian, they're this year's Meatloaf Kings!
Candace: Nigel and Adrian?! You're Tiny Cowboy! What are you doing here?
Nigel: Well, isn't it obvious? We're here for the meatloaf. Music is great and all, but our one true passion is meatloaf.
Linda: Wait. Nigel and Adrian are...? Are you sure? They're not tiny. And, come on, you're not even cowboys.
Candace: Mom, you're embarassing me!
Nigel: Candace, could we interest you in some of the world's greatest meatloaf?
Candace: Uh, don't mind if I do! Is it vegetarian?
(pause)
Adrian: It's got "meat" actually, in the name.
Candace: Just kidding! (eats meatloaf)

(Tiny Cowboy begins to perform)
(Song: Meatloaf)

Nigel: Ground beef and breadcrumbs, some onions and an egg
Adrian: My mouth is watering so please don't make me beg
Nigel/Adrian: I know everybody's got their tastes and that's just fine
Nigel: But if you say that you don't like it, then you've never tasted mine
I'm talkin' 'bout meatloaf (meatloaf)

So moist and savory, it's beef that's shaped like bread
Adrian: Don't know what that aroma's doing in my head
Nigel/Adrian/Candace/Stacy: Whatever we don't eat we'll discreetly put away
But never fear, my meatloaf, we'll eat again someday

I'm talkin' 'bout meatloaf, I'm a meatloaf lover
I'll tell your brother, yeah, don't need no other
Talkin' 'bout (meatloaf) meatloaf, meatloaf lover
Warms you from the inside like it's made by your mother

Talkin' 'bout meatloaf (meatloaf, yeah)
We're talkin' 'bout meatloaf (meatloaf, yeah)
We're talkin' bout meatloaf (meatloaf, yeah, yeah, yeah)

(Back with Doofenshmirtz, who's being taken away by the paramedics)
Doofenshmirtz: Ugh, I knew I shouldn't eaten that -- wait, is that Tiny Cowboy?
(the ambulence takes Doofenshmirtz away)

End Credits

(Song: Meatloaf)
Talkin' 'bout (meatloaf) meatloaf, meatloaf lover
Warms you from the inside like it's made by your mother

Talkin' 'bout meatloaf (meatloaf, yeah)
We're talkin' 'bout meatloaf (meatloaf, yeah)
We're talkin' bout meatloaf (meatloaf, yeah, yeah, yeah)

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