Wikia

Phineas and Ferb Wiki

Memorable Quotes/Season 1

< Memorable Quotes

2,784pages on
this wiki
Talk0

Memorable quotes that occurred in episodes of Phineas and Ferb during Season 1.

This page automatically displays the quotes from the individual episodes. To update it, do not edit this page. Go to the episode's page and change Memorable Quotes section on that page.

Rollercoaster

Candace: What do you mean, you can see it from your house? See what?!

(Candace seeing the boys starting to build the Rollercoaster) Phineas, what is this?
Phineas: Do you like it?
Candace: Oh, I'm gonna go tell Mom, and when she sees what you're doing, you are going down. Down, down, down! D-O-W-N, DOWN!

Phineas: We're gonna need a blow torch and some more peanut butter.
Isabella: Does your step-brother ever talk?
Phineas: Ferb? He's more of a man of action.
Linda: It seems like we've had this conversation before.

Candace: What do you mean?

Linda: I seem to recall you telling me that the boys were training monkeys to juggle bicycles. And when I came home, there was a stunning lack of monkeys.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Ah Perry the Platypus, what an unexpected surprise... and by unexpected, I mean completely expected!
(After Candace pulls Linda to the empty post. Throughout this, Linda looks at Candace in anger)

Candace: There! Look, look, look, see? I told you I'm not crazy, I told you!
Linda: And you're not crazy because...?
(Candace turns toward the post where the poster was and screams)

Linda: I see your point, Candace. No crazy person would scream at a post like that. I'll be in the dairy section if you want to come yell at some cheese or anything.
(As the rollercoaster cars are poised to descend the first drop)
Phineas: You all signed the waivers, right?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Well, that didn't work. And now we have a two-ton ball of tin foil going at 200 miles a hour heading directly at us!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: It's no use, it's no use, we are doomed! You did it! You saved us, Perry the...

(Tin foil ball crashes into the building)

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, Perry the Platypus!
Candace: Hehehehehehehehehehehehehe...
Linda: I worry about you sometimes, Candace.
Jeremy: (in his Slushy Burger uniform) Welcome to Mr. Slushy Burger, can I take your order?

Phineas: Anyone want fries?
Rollercoaster flies away and hits the Eiffel Tower, which leans over.
French man in stand: Quasson? (Croissant)

Phineas: Anyone want a Quasson?
Phineas: You know, if that thing falls to Earth, Candace is in charge.
(As the coaster is plummeting to Earth)
Phineas: We should have charged more.
Phineas: Well a brother is a brother...

(He claps Ferb on the shoulder.)
But I couldn't have asked for a better one than Ferb. You know what I mean?
(Ferb belches)

Phineas: Oh-ho-ho MAN!! I can smell the peanut butter!
Phineas: So, Ferb what do you wanna do tomorrow? There's a world of possibilities.... Maybe we should make a list!

(Above them, the tree they landed in catches fire and explodes)
Candace: Mom!

Linda: Give it a rest, Candace!

Lawn Gnome Beach Party of Terror

Stanky Dog: This is Stanky Dog, coming to you on the hottest day of the summer. Unless you live at the beach, I say take it easy and do nothing today. Yup, just find yourself a shady tree and maybe an aquatic mammal of some sort, and just blow the whole day off.
Phineas: Come on, Ferb. If we let a little heat stop us from having the best day ever, then the morning DJs win.
Major Monogram: Good morning, Agent P. Lawn gnomes across the Tri-State Area are disappearing, leaving gardens unprotected from the evils of black magic. We suspect Doofenshmirtz. Get right on it.
Doofenshmirtz: A platypus? (Perry puts on his fedora) Perry the Platypus? (Doofenshmirtz presses a remote button) You are mine now! (The garage door opens) No, that was the garage door opener. (Doofenshmirtz gets another remote) You are mine now! (The TV turns on) And that was the TV remote. (Doofenshmirtz finds the right remote and pushes the button) YOU ARE MİNE NOW! (Perry is trapped; Doofenshmirtz does an evil laugh) Now I shall finally rid myself of you! But first, pay your attention to the giant screen and- (He actually presses the garage door opener which closes the garage door) Maybe I need to turn the cable on first?
Linda: Something is very wrong. Not a single call from Candace. Not even a text message. Oga, hose me down. I'm going home.
Doofenshmirtz: Okay, I think I finally got the right one. Now, Perry the Platypus, you will finally understand my PAIN. (Narrating a flashback) Back in Gimmelshtump in the days of my youth, the Doofenshmirtzes were a proud family. But those were lean times for my father and our beloved lawn gnome was repossessed. Who would protect our zatzenfruit garden from those witches, spells and wood trolls? From a tender age, my father decided that it would be me.

Doofenshmirtz's father: Bewege dich nicht! (Caption: "Don't move!")
Doofenshmirtz: While the other children played Kick-the-Schtumpel and eat Doonkelberries, I would stand for hours.
Doofenshmirtz's father: Bewege dich nicht!
Doofenshmirtz: All through the cold night as the Spitzenhounds howled, my only companion was the moon. And my neighbor Kenny.
Doofenshmirtz's father: Bewege dich nicht! (Flashback ends)

Doofenshmirtz: And since my lawn gnome was taken away from me, I will destroy every lawn gnome in the entire Tri-State Area!
Stanky Dog: Let's go to the judges. Ten to the fifth power, infinity, and oh! It seems that Phineas Flynn's radical surfing has made judge number three re-think Einstein's Theory of Relativity! Cowabunga, laws of nature!
Stanky Dog: GNOOOOOOMES!!! (Gets hit by a falling lawn gnome) Oof!
Stanky Dog: Run for your lives! It's gnome-ageddon!
Candace: Phineas and Ferb built a beach in the backyard, just like they said they were going to. But instead of just a cute little beach in their sandbox, it turned out to be this absolutely huge beach, with a coastline, and palm trees and a pier, and hula dancers, water-skiers, and tiki huts and dolphins and dancing and surfing, and everybody from the neighborhood showed up. ...and then I was just about to share a smoothie with Jeremy when a coconut dropped on my head... ...and just for a moment, it seemed the wily Buford would steal away the coveted surfing trophy from under the noses of our heroes... ...but I can only continue my benign reign and spread love, happiness and ultimate popularity throughout my kingdom! If you would just let me have my moment.

Flop Starz

Candace: Stacy, what am I gonna sing?

Stacy: Hello, what are you gonna wear?
Candace: Hmm... (In a evening gown) What do you think?
Stacy: (Seeing Candace trying different outfits) Too much, too little, too clean, too dirty, too street, too goth. Where did you get that?
Candace: (Wearing Lindana's clothes) From my mom's closet, you like it?
Stacy: Nah, too retro!
(Seeing Candace trying more different outfits until to her original clothes.)
Stacy: Perfect.
Candace: Nice, huh?
Stacy: Yeah, you should have tried that on first.

Candace: Let's go!
(Candace seeing many people for the audition)

Candace: I can't do this
Stacy: Oh yes you can. You're not a quitter, you're a fighter.
Candace: I am?
Stacy: Sure you are. You're a lean, mean singing machine. (Punching her handbag) That's it! Yeah, now you're looking like a winner.
(Seeing Candace looking aggressive and breathes heavily)
Jeremy: Hey Candace.

Candace: (Fixing herself) And that is what a gorilla looks like when you try to take away its food.
Ben Baxter: Hi, I'm Ben Baxter, Huge-O-Records. Why don't you come by my office in an hour and we can talk about your future.
Phineas: Future? Cool. He must be a psychic.
Doofenshmirtz: (to the disguised Perry) Oh, are you my new temp? Well, let me just get you up the speed. I know it's bit of a mess. I'm just putting the finishing touches of my latest maniacal plan. You see, in a few minutes, I will unleash an unprecedented reign of terror upon the entire...Tri-State Area! And Perry the Platypus will never be the wiser. (Perry removes the Groucho glasses) Perry the Platypus?! You're a temp? Are times that hard?
Officer: Hey, weren't you Lindana?

Linda: Ah! Yes, I was. I can't believe you recognize me.
Officer: Well I was a huge fan. (pause) You still have to pay for the jacket.

Linda: I know.
Phineas: Follow-up single?! Who do you think we are, some two-bit hacks who will keep writing you songs simply because you pay us obscene amounts of cash? Phineas and the Ferb-Tones are strictly a one-hit wonder. Good day to you, sir. (Going down the elevator) Diva tantrum, check. (Listening to "Gitchee Gitchee Goo" instrumental version) Elevator music, check.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Wow, you sure like a lot of pepper. I'm more of a paprika man myself.
Candace: I should have taken blender lessons.
Doofenshmirtz: When it comes to havoc, nobody wreaks like me!

The Fast and the Phineas

Phineas: So, Ferb, what should we do today? I mean, besides giving Perry a bath. (Phineas leans over and smells Perry.)
(Perry chatters)
Isabella: Hi Phineas, I got your pit-crew.

(Seeing Isabella and the Fireside Girls.)
Phineas: Cool! See you at the pits.
Isabella: Okay, girls. We're dealing with a 426 cubic inch, fully-blown V8, with hypo lifters, radical cam and a limited slip differential.

Gretchen: Would that be electronically fuel injected?
Candace: Phineas! Phineas! PHINEAS!
Racing Fan: Hey! I can't hear the cars!
Candace: I-I love it when he turns left. And then he turns... left again... and then...
(Candace is shown screaming on the big screen)

Announcer 2: And look, he's already got his own screaming fans!
Candace: Phineas!
Phineas: Hey, Candace is rooting for us!
Jeremy: Candace, you're on the big screen!
Candace: (Slow-motion on the screen) PHHHHIIIIIUUUUUUSSSS!...
Jeremy: And your little brother's gonna be on TV.

Candace: Phineas on TV? TV! That's it! They are so busted.
Linda: Candace, this is a dandruff commercial. Is there something you're trying to tell me?
Phineas: Hey Ferb, do you think we can get any more power? I mean, I know it's just a battery, but I was thinking... let's open it up and see what this puppy can... (a slow-moving vehicle honks at him) Uh, Ferb, we're actually slowing down now. Ferb...? Hello?

(Ferb hooks up the remote to a car battery. 42 accelerates rapidly and Phineas's face is comically accentuated)

Phineas: OHHHHHHH YEAAAAAAH! NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT!
Isabella: That helmet looks so manly.

Phineas: (obliviously) Thanks.

Isabella: Hit it Ferb. (Seeing the Phineas's race car back at the race) I'm so proud of you, girls. And the bow was a nice touch, Gretchen.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Run! Run like the wind, my little indentured rodent. And I will give you some cheese.
TV Announcer: Oh no! A blimp is about to hit the broadcasting tower! Oh the hu-

(Doofenshmirtz's blimp knocks out the signal, turning the TV signal into static. Linda comes over and sees Candace staring at the blank TV)
Linda: Ah-ha?...

Candace: Meap.
(As she literally shoves her mother across the street)

Candace: Come on, come on, come on!

Linda: Candace, you're wearing out the heels of my shoes.
Candace: Yes - no - what?
Linda: Honey, close your mouth.
(Iris out and Candace does not close her mouth on the still shot.)

Lights, Candace, Action!

Major Monogram: There's something very strange going on with Dr. Doofenshmirtz. (picture of Dr. Doofenshmirtz pops up on screen) He's been very quiet lately, a little too quiet! I want you to find out what's not going on and, uh.. put a... stop...to it. I suppose.
Isabella: Look. My client gets 3 percent of the gross and a piece of the back end, or he walks. Yeah, that's right. You mess with the bull, you get the horns, buddy! (Gets another call and transfers) Hello? Sid, baby! You got that third act in line yet?
Phineas: Okay, Candace. This is a very important scene. It is nothing less than the emotional backbone of the whole film. Oh, and the villagers are coming at you with everything they've got.
Phineas: The space armada from the planet Plumbing Supplies!
After Phineas has finished "filming" the first scene.

Phineas: Beautiful! That's a wrap!
Ginger: (whispers into Phineas' ear, revealing that he had left the lens cap on the camera)

Phineas: Oops. That's a little embarrassing. (removes the lens cap, then through a megaphone) OK, people, nice rehearsal! Let's take it from the top!
Candace: (wearing a tropical banana hat) Wow! Is this banana hat for some cool tropical dance number?

Phineas: We're trying to come up with some exciting camera angles for the big chase scene, so we strapped a camera onto this starving monkey.
(the monkey screeches and chases Candace, Candace is all bruised)
Phineas: (chuckles) Sorry that monkey cam didn't work out. We're gonna try it with Ferb this time. (Ferb has a camera strapped to his head. Phineas hands Candace a sub sandwich.) Now take this sandwich and remember, Ferb hasn't eaten lunch yet.

(Ferb screeches and chases Candace)
Phineas: Okay, Candace, this is your beauty shot. The curse has been lifted, and you're no longer a monster. Now this scene is all about what the heart wants, but the mind can't have.
Candace: (panting) To think, to--

Phineas: CUT!
Candace: Oh, I'm sorry.
Phineas: Do it again.
Candace: To think, to--to stink--
Phineas: CUT!

Candace: THIS IS HORRIBLE! i can't let anyone see this.
Ashley Tisdale: (as Candace) To think, to dream, to be free of the curse.
Doofenshmirtz: (now elderly, along with Perry) Well, this can't be right. (laughs) Perry the Platypus, just look at yourself! you've really let yourself go!

Perry: (rips off a suit, revealing himself in his current age)
Perry!

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, so you've had an Age-Accelerator-Inator-Proof suit! Well, I've got a little surprise of my own. (rips off his clothing, revealing his underclothes) Eh. Well, it's already 4:30 p.m. I think I'm going to bed. Curse you, Perry the Platypus.

Raging Bully

Linda: Testing... Welcome everyone. We'll be playing some freeform jazz today. It might get a little crazy so hold on to those knitting needles! (Plays triangle.) Hit it girls!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: It all began on the day of my actual birth. Both of my parents failed to show up.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: By the age of five, I was forced to throw my own surprise party.
Referee: He's from a bad home... He's missing a chromosome... Buford the Bully!
Referee: He's got moves... He's got grapes... His nose takes up his entire face... Fabulous Phineas Flynn!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Wait. Where did that whale come from?
Gunther Goatcheese's Worker: Hello, boys and— (notices younger Doofenshmirtz is only one sitting at table) Ooh. Mmm, awkward. (walks away, door closes offscreen) Hey, kid, lock up when you're done, 'kay?
Referee: Okay, boys. Let's have a fair and square fight and in no way should this ensuing fight contain the image of a potentially harmful, hurtful, or psychologically disturbing physical act that could be imitable by an impressionable child viewer.
Buford: Aw!
Phineas: I don't think this is going so well.
Evander: Nonsense, kid! Go for the gold! Fight fire with fire! Oh, shoot. Shoot him the stink eye! Uh, grease the pig! Aw, I got nothing.
Doofenshmirtz: (Bashing keyboard on Perry's fingers) Still hanging around, Perry the Platypus? ("OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" on the Slave-inator making everyone "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO") Why don't you let go? Doesn't it hurt your fingers?
Candace: Mom! Finally, in this vital, photographic evidence of irresponsible behavior!
Linda: Candace, this is your thumb in front of the lens.
Buford: That was great. Same thing tomorrow?

Phineas: Nah. I like to keep moving forward.
Ferb: Sharks have to continue to move forward, or they'll drown.
Buford: You callin' me a shark?
(Ferb gives Buford a Vulcan nerve pinch and Buford falls to the ground, unconscious)
Phineas: Ferb!

Ferb: Well, he was all up in my face.

Candace Loses Her Head

(Phineas has just woken up seeing July 11th with Candace's picture)

Phineas: Yes! Hey Ferb! (chucks pillow at Ferb's face) It's Candace's Birthday! We gotta do better than last year...
(Flashback to the gorilla coming out of the cake and scaring Candace.)

Phineas: Not our best work.
Candace: Is it the mall?

Linda: No.

Candace: Okay. (beat) But it's the mall, right?
Candace: Wait... please don't tell me we're going to Mount Rushmore.

Linda: Isn't it great? Four American presidents carved into the side of a mountain!
Lawrence: It was Phineas and Ferb's idea.
(Candace glares at the boys)

Phineas: (brightly) You're welcome.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the Platypus. Your timing is impeccable. And by "impeccable," I mean completely peccable!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: As they say in China, "Arrivederci!!!!"
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: The molten lava at the Earth's core completely slipped my mind.
(In tears of joy.)
Candace: It's... it's... it's beautiful! Mom!
Linda: You know Candace, this is the second time I've climbed up there. I'm already down half a dress size.

I, Brobot

Phineas: We either need more days of summer or more of us.
Major Monogram: Agent P, Dr. Doofenshmirtz is up to his old tricks. He's made fifty-seven phone calls in the past hour. We don't know to whom or why. (Perry points toward the Chimney-Vator) No, not to Santa!
Major Monogram: See, Carl, that's why I don't like using the Chimney Vator. Besides, that guy totally owes me a pony from when I was five.
Phineas: Phinedroids and Ferbots! We thank you for being here with us today. Please — uh, Ferb, your bullhorn's not on.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, hi, Perry the Platypus. Thanks for using the key I gave you, it's much more civilized than crashing through my ceiling, don't you think?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I know there's an ordinance against it.
Candace: Oh, here they come now. Phineas and Fer... uh, Phineas?! (gasps) I have to call you back!
Candace: Stacy! Oh my gosh! Guess what? Ugh, Stacy, I can't understand you. Why are you crying? Yeah... crying, crying, it hurts, right, got that, uh huh— oh hello, Mrs. Hirano! What? Stacy got her ears pierced? Gee, what a terrible thing that I had completely no idea about! Anyway, gotta run, Mrs. Hirano, give Stacy my best! (While talking on the phone, the bag with the Ferbot inside it has been switched with a manure bag)
Candace: Poor, mixed-up Stacy.
Candace: Oh, wait 'til Mom finds out about Phineas and Ferb... and Phineas and Ferb... and...Phineas... and Ferb, and Phineas... and Ferb... Phineas?! Ferb?! Ferbias?! Phineferb?! (gasps) They're my brothers and they're robots! They're brobots!
Linda: What is it, Candace?

Candace: Mom, I'm in the panic room... Phineas and Ferb, and-and Phineas and Ferb, and-and ROBOTS! (high pitched voice) Invisibility Chamber! (Shouts) Elephants!
Linda: That's nice, honey. Well, the pictures should be ready soon and then I'll see the robots when I get home. Bye!

Candace: But everything will be gone by the time Mom gets home... Isn't that right, Mr. Miggins? Unless...
Phineas: Have we learned nothing from Mary Shelley's Frankenstein?
Phineas: And now they started their own overpriced coffee franchise! (Pause) That is so 90's.
Phineas: This is terrible! We have an entirely new problem! The coffee is making them haywire! (He points to the robots getting out of control) And that one is having trouble falling asleep! (He points to a Phinedroid trying to sleep, looking to an alarm clock every 2 seconds) Poor little guy.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Well, as a lazy tailor would say, suit yourself!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: That...that doesn't make sense! It's the middle of July!

Santa: I'm on a summer run! Farewell, Perry the Platypus!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Bah, humbug.
Phineas: (Melodramatically, while hugging Ferb around the shoulders) So this is how it ends, Ferb... defeated by our own dopplegängers. If only we had some sort of device that could stop them from...

(Ferb pulls out the remote control.)

Phineas: Heh, heh. I know, I'm just messing with ya.
Candace: Ugh, 80's music is so 2002...
Candace: It's a Candroid!

(Candace screams as she runs back into the Panic Room where the Candroid is holding Mr. Miggins)

Candace: Oh, give me that!

Run Away Runway

Phineas: Okay, Ferb. If we're going to tackle this fashion design thing, we've got to do something really special. It has to be cool, comfortable... and undetectable by radar. Something that absolutely screams summer!
(After pulling out "Dumbenshmirtzes" or "Doofusshmirtzes")
Doofenshmirtz: Why is it when people copy their butts it comes out perfect?
Candace (in fantasy about being a supermodel): Hi, I'm Candace. I'm sure you recognize me from my countless magazine covers. You know, being a supermodel is hard work: the bright lights, the deafening applause, and all those paper cuts from counting my huge stacks of money. That's why I start every morning with Candace-O's.

Announcer: Candace-O's: Part of a nutritious breakfast.
Stacy (shaking Candace): Candace!
Candace: What?
Stacy: Candace-O's?

Candace: Ugh. I really shouldn't fantasize on an empty stomach.
Delivery guy: Package for Gaston Le Mode!

Gaston: Is it a poster of Jerry Lewis?!

Delivery guy: I wish!
Gaston: Mon dieu. You are my cou de crayon.
Candace: (not realizing this is French for "pencil neck") Your cou de crayon.. cool!
Candace (reading magazine cover): Phineas and Ferb, the kings of couture? That was fast.
Candace: Stacy! You look just like Ferb!
Stacy: Wow, thanks, Candace!
Failed Doofenshmirtz clone: (referring to Perry) Hey, don't hurt the little bunny rabbit.
Candace: Go ahead. Eat all you want. My dreams are smashed to pieces and all you can think about is food. But just remember, Gaston said that I will always be his cou de crayon.
Ferb: You do realize that that's French for "pencil neck"?

The Magnificent Few

(Phineas and Ferb riding on horseback)

Linda: Smile boys. (taking a picture) Oh, you two look so 'cute'!

Phineas: She means well.
Candace: You better not pull any of your weird stunts, got it?!

Phineas: No threat young school marm.

Candace: (Talking in her cellphone) So, he was totally checkin' me out, when lil' Ms. Pants walks in front of me. Yeah, Yeah. So, I was like: "Um, hello" and she was like: "Oh no, you didn't", then I was like: "Oh, yes I did"
Major Monogram: The evil Dr. Doofenshmirtz is at it again. Not only does he have three books about insects overdue at the library, but he's cornered the market on aluminum siding and he's holed up in his water fortress on Lake Winimahatikihaha. I love saying that.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the Platypus. As usual, your timing is uncanny. And by uncanny, I mean, "completely" canny!!
Candace: Oh my gosh, Stacy. I'm in a stampede is like- (trips on a mud) Ah, just a sec.

Phineas: Hey Candace.

Candace: Hey Phineas. Phineas? PHINEAS!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Any last noises, Perry the Platypus? You know, that little chirping silly noise that you make?

(Perry chatters.)

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: That's the one.
Vanessa: You put a self-destruct button in a death chamber? I'm so out of here. This is the worst "Bring Your Daughter to Work Day" ever.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Now we did I put that- Oh! What was I thinking putting the jet-pack in there too. I might just given him an escape hatch I mean-

(Perry uses the jet-pack and the escape hatch.)

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Well, guess I'm running. (starts screaming) Help! AH! HELP ME!
Phineas: Yep, just loop-em them doggy's to the long lonesome trail. Ain't this livin'?
Isabella: Boy howdy!

S'Winter

Lawrence: Well, you put some ice in here, give it a crank, add some syrup and Bob's your uncle! Snow cones for everyone.
(As the snow starting to build up to the window.)
Candace: I think cheerleaders are so overrated. I mean being gorgeous and popular, does that matter in the real world... What is going on out there?!
(After the S'Winter song)

Phineas: Some people call it "Wummer."

Candace: I'm calling mom, you know.
Candace: Argh! My brothers are just driving me crazy!
Vanessa: You should try spending an hour with my dad sometime.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: As soon as he walks through that front door, no more Perry the Platypus.

(Seeing a piano danging in the trap with a pianist playing it.)

It's genius right? (Seeing Agent P behind him) Oh! I told Nancy to keep the back door locked. (Speaking into tape recorder) Note to self. My evil deed for tomorrow: fire the maid.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Behold, the Melt-inator 6-5000! It has a melting capacity... of 7! That's on a scale from one to five so that's a big number.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: But it will never arrive! In five, four, three.... (sighs in disgust) Two-and-a-half, two-and-a-quarter. Is that it? Is that... you're not going to do anything? You're just gonna stand there like a dead fish? I'm giving you a chance to do something here. Oh, this used to be more fun. One-and-a-half, one-and-a-quarter.... You know, in some cultures, it's considered rude not to particip....

(Perry swoops across the screen and kicks him)

Perry the Platypus?! But how did you— (notices hole in Perry's chocolate shell where he has eaten himself out) Ooh, you ate your own hiney?!
(Phineas, Ferb and Candace's snowboard hits a snowman)

Phineas: (Seeing the snowman only hits Candace) Now how'd that miss us?
(Snowboard hits a tree)

Phineas: (Seeing the tree has only covered Candace) Now that's just weird.
Phineas: Excuse me Bob, pardon me Bob, one side Bob, thank you Bob, whoop see daisy, there we go... It's a bobsled.

Jerk De Soleil

Django: Hey! For a trick, I can put my leg on my head! (He tries to do so but falls out of his chair.) I'll work on it.
Candace: Of course. It had to be wild parsnips. Let's see...allergy pills, allergy pills...

Candace finds her allergy pill container
Candace: Quick! Before my voice goes through the reaction!
There are no pills left.

Candace: (in a deep voice) NOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Buford walks in to see Candace dressed as him and being put in his act.
Buford: Hey, that dude's stealing my act!
Audio Tape: I'm dancing with your wife, pal! You got a problem with that?

Doofenshmirtz: I'm da- (Doofenshmirtz clears his throat to sound lower)
Doofenshmirtz: (In a tougher tone) I'm dancing with your wife, pal! You got a problem with that? (In his normal voice) Oh, yes. That does sound tough.
Audio Tape: Yes, I ate your last nectarine. You got a problem with that?
Doofenshmirtz: Yes, I ate your last-
Perry breaks into the lair
Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, Look could you just use the front door from now on? Could you just do that for me?
Pan over to a bunch of traps to kill Perry right at the front door

Doofenshmirtz: Uh, I mean...(In his "tough" voice) Yes, I ate your last nectarine. You got a problem with that?
Due to the Doofelium filling the air, his voice becomes progressively higher-pitched.
Phineas: And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you our entire cast in our grand finale, featuring the Amazing Perry!

Are You My Mummy?

Explorer: Well, beat me with a chicken!
Phineas: Look, pith helmets! We must be going the right way. Say something pithy.
Phineas: Excuse me sir, where's the mummy exhibit?

Manager 1: (presses and holds a button while speaking into an intercom) Manager assistance requested.
(a second manager walks up)
Manager 2: Yes?
Manager 1 These two boys want to know where the mummy exibit is.
Manager 2: It's in storage, in the basement. (walks away)
Phineas: Guess who's going to the basement?
(Phineas and Ferb leave, then a woman with glasses walks up)
Woman: Excuse me, where are the restrooms?
Manager 1: (presses and holds a button while speaking into an intercom) Manager assistance requested.
(the manager comes back)

Manager 2: Yes?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus. As usual, your timing is incredible. And by incredible, of course, I mean completely credible!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: No use, Perry the Platypus. I made this out of something that cannot be penetrated: PURE EVIL... and a blend of space-age polymers.
Phineas: Wow. I didn't expect him to be so scary. I mean, can you imagine the angry, twisted soul hidden underneath those bandages? Makes me shudder.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Is my nose really that pointy?
Phineas: Hey, where's the mummy? Mummy! Mummy!
Lawrence: (Not realizing Phineas means an actual mummy, not his mother) Well, mummy has supper waiting for us at home.
Major Monogram: One package of blood sausage... Uh, that's my grocery list!

Ready for the Bettys

Candace: Even my Betty boombox which rests on my Betty bedside table beside my Betty bed runs on Betty batteries!
Stacy: Obsession rocks!
Radio DJ: Just be the four hundred, forty-four and four-fourths caller!
Candace: I love fractions.
Major Monogram: ...end of the world, yadda yadda yadda... I'm faxing you the coordinates.

Phineas: Cool!
Major Monogram: (gasps) Good googly moogly! Doo... (slides out of view of the camera) Carl! Carl, who are those kids?
Carl: Oh, boy. They're Agent P's owners, sir. Looks like they found one of our secret tunnels.
Phineas: Sweet! We got our mission, Agent F. To the hoverjet! (drives away in Perry's hoverjet)

Major Monogram: Is that the hoverjet? Oh, no, they didn't! There you are, Agent P. Those boys are in jeopardy— and not covered under our hoverjet insurance plan. So, stop Doofenshmirtz and protect those boys. (Perry takes off in his chair, which has turned into a hoverchair) Oh, and where are you going, Mr. The-Boys-Will-Never-Find-A-Tree-Tunnel?
Beloved Bettys, Your band is the biggest, baddest most bangin' buncha babes from Boston to Burbank. I've barely bathed since I began blogging about your bangin' beats. Your biggest Betty band fan, Candace.
transcribed from Candace's letter
Feeling bad for how she treated Candace and Stacy
Tink: I feel like a bit of a Betty butthead.
With mops being fired at him.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Curse you Perry the— mmph! (spits out mop) Platy...mmph! Curse you Perry the Platy...mmph! (spits out mop) Curse you Perry the Platy...mmph! (spits out mop) Why did I buy so many mops?...mmph!

I Scream, You Scream

Phineas: Hello, Blowtorch City? Yeah, I'll hold.
Carl: (Carl in woman costume) Blueprints for an ice cream machine? Hmm I don't think we make those any more. (Ferb blinks) Whoa hold on there sweetie! No need to get upset! I'll just go check in the back! (searches in the back room and pulls out another blueprint) I got blueprints for a yogurt machine. How that sound? (Ferb blinks again) Yeah I don't care for yogurt either baby. I'll keep looking.
Vanessa: (looking at Ferb) Hey how's it goin'?
Charlene: Remember, you're at your dad's this weekend.

Vanessa: Great. A whole forty-eight hours of evil.
Charlene: Vanessa Doofenshmirtz, your father is not evil. We just wanted different things.

Vanessa: Was one of those things TO BE EVIL? Because he's evil!
Chef: (clears throat) Is there something you'd like to share with the WHOLE class?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Then I can go on to eliminate all the other annoyances that make my skin crawl. Like, uh... Nature! (Zaps!) Beauty! (Aww!) Morning talk show hosts! (Yay!) Soon, there will be nothing can withstand the wrath of Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz!

Vanessa: Doctor? Since when are you a doctor?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (pulls out degree) They don't give these out to just anybody, you know.

Vanessa: (looks at a price tag dangling conspicuously from the degree) Anybody with fifteen bucks, they do.
Charlene: (Answering her cellphone) Oh! For Pete's sake, Vanessa!

Linda: (Answering her cellphone) Candace, this better be important.
Charlene: He's doing what?
Linda: Honey, are you sure that you're not exaggerating just a little bit?
Charlene: Well, it's not that I don't believe you, honey...
Linda: But every time I race home, I find out everything is just fine.
Charlene: Yes, I'll be right over.
Linda: I'm on my way. Teenagers.

Charlene: Tell me about it.
Phineas: Well, this can't be right. I was wondering what that thing was for. That must be the laser. It's a good thing we didn't attach it, huh?
Charline: (seeing Heinz covered in ice cream) Heinz, what is all this? I thought you were lactose intollerent.

Doofenshmirtz: I am!

Charline: (covers Heinz in more ice cream) I am paying you way too much alimony.
Isabella: Wow, guys, this is amazing! I was afraid that you guys were gonna go overboard and build some giant sundae contraption or something!

Phineas: Actually, we were gonna do that, but we accidentally built a space laser instead. Ferb, you're usually so focused. How'd you get those plans confused?
(Ferb flashbacks to Vanessa walking in. In Ferb's view, dreamy music plays and Vanessa is surrounded by flowers as she asks, "Hey, how's it going?")
Phineas: Hey, Ferb, snap out of it! What happened back there?

Ferb: I was weak.

Toy to the World

Commercial: Better watch what he's throwin', he ain't wearing no pants! Shimmy Jimmy!
Phineas: What we need is a toy so stupidly simple... so basically bland... so idiotically uncomplicated... that it can do absolutely anything.
Major Monogram: Ah, there you are, Agent P. We suspect your nemesis, Dr. Doofenshmirtz, has been pilfering bricks from buildings across the Tri-State Area. Animals are rioting, convicts are escaping from the zoo! It’s chaos! You’ve got to stop him, Perry, (Perry salutes) before it all falls down.
Har D Har Company board Member: But we've always made climby toys. I mean, who could forget Climbin' Simon? Or what about Ascendin' Brendan? And then of course there's Ladderman Larry. Or the classic Climby Jaimie?
Har D Har Toy Company worker: Are you people all crazy?! It's just a thick, stupid block of wood! And, it doesn't do any (A trapdoor opens under the employee) THING!... (A new Har D Har board member falls into the chair)
New Har D Har Board Member: I love it! (Pauses) What are we talking about?
Phineas: Wait a minute. This is a toy factory. How did this chocolate river get here? Who the heck are you guys?

The Ba-dink-a-dinks: We are the Ba-dink-a-dinks!
Ba-dink-a-dink: You set us free when you remodeled the factory. We'd been trapped in the basement for years, making foam peanuts and snipping the tabs off of plastic.
The Ba-dink-a-dinks: We will now lay waste to the surface dwellers!

Phineas: ...Okay, then. Carry on.
Store Manager: Fantastic! You look like number one!

Candace: I feel like number two.

Store Manager: That's the spirit!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz Trapped in a crate of Perry the Platypus Inaction Figure toys CURSE YOU PERRY THE PLATYPUS!

Agent P looking around for Doofenshmirtz and unable to find him; he decides the mission is now over.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (Carried onto a cargo ship) Where am I? I hope I'm not on a boat, 'cause I get seasick.

Get That Bigfoot Outa My Face!

Buford: Find a nerd, take his underpants, and run them up the flagpole.

Phineas: I don't think Camp Phineas and Ferb has a flagpole.
Buford: Then I guess I'll just find a nerd and take his underpants.
Baljeet: You may have my underpants. They just got very messy all of a sudden.

Buford: Thanks, but it ain't the same if Buford don't rip 'em off of you.
Candace: I don't like the outdoors, okay? I don't like bugs. Phineas, are you even listening to me?
Phineas: I seem to have misplaced my ant farm.
Phineas: 'Vittles' is Grandpa-ese for food.
Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, how unexpected! And by "unexpected", I mean....unexpected. What are you doing here? This is my week off.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: It's not the worst date I ever had. There was the one that kept stabbing me with the fork.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Why do I always get the crazies?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: That sounded like screaming children. But it's not my birthday.
Major Monogram: Please, Agent P. Be careful. (thinking to himself) The Academy...

Young Monogram: But I don't want to go to the Academy, Daddy.
Major Monogram's "Father's" voice: I'm not your father, and it's been decided.

Young Monogram: I love you, Daddy!
Clyde: If my memory serves, I think there was a song written about it

Isabella: Really? Do you remember any of it?
(Clyde starts strumming banjo)

Phineas: He remembers.
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, I don't even like cucumbers!
Doofenshmirtz's Date: StrudelCutie4427? Whoops.
Candace: Oh, and what's this one made of? Popsicle sticks and glitter?
Betty Jo: Come on! We're making stick figures— out of real sticks!
Lorraine: Well, back to my closet!
Betty Jo: See ya next year, Lorraine.
Candace: I sure got you guys. You should have seen your faces! Only unsophisticated, immature brains would believe in monsters. Yes, it takes a mature adult such as myself to know that... there's... (sees Doofenshmirtz running from fake Bigfoots) no... such thing as... G-G-G-BIGFOOT! (runs away screaming; kids look over and see nothing)
Baljeet: Well, I do not believe her one bit. Too much overacting.

It's a Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud World

Candace: Despair speaking.

Stacy: Care to explain why Despair isn't picking up her cell phone this morning?
Candace: Because of a little thing called PARALLEL PARKING! See, yesterday, Dad was teaching me how to drive...
Flashback Lawrence: Okay, Candace, all you have to do is park between this plastic trash can and that plastic trash can.
Flashback Candace: So I put it in reverse... (starts driving uncontrollably back and forth, screaming and smashing into the trash cans, placed far apart)
Candace: (while moving phone back and forth to simulate the flashback) Aah! Aah! Aah! Then Dad said my parallel parking needs a little work! It means I'll never get my driver's license! I am such a loser.

Phineas: Oh my gosh, Ferb! I can't believe it! I've never noticed how soft our carpets are! But more importantly...
Major Monogram: Oh, hey, Agent P. So, get this: I got this memo this morning on Doofenshmirtz, and someone abbreviated his name in it. Guess how they wrote it? Doof! (starts laughing) The Doof! It's times like these when you really appreciate having a cool name like Monogram.

Carl: And Carl!

Major Monogram: I already told you, your name's not that cool. Anyway, do your stuff, Agent P. And stop that— Doof! (starts laughing again)
Phineas: (directing numerous delivery trucks) Um... giant baby head... anywhere's good!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (Referring to monster trucks) But you know they are not monsters, just big stupid trucks!
Phineas: Dad, you might want to wipe the Queen off your face.
Chef: (clears throat) Madame Flynn, I have told you a hundred times... (smashing phone) NO PHONE CALLS IN CLASS! (his own cell phone rings. He gives a slight chuckle, then answers his phone) Hello? (to Linda) It is for you.

Linda: Yes?
Candace: Mom, I think the boys are building a monster truck!

Linda: Um, honey, I've got to go. No — b-big chef. Big meat tenderizer in front of Mommy. Buh-bye!
Dink Winkerson: Good afternoon, Danville! Dink Winkerson here, and this is little Isabella Garcia-Shapiro from Fireside Girl Troop 46231. And she got a little announcement to make.
Isabella: (takes a breath, in a deep growling voice) WEDNESDAY, WEDNESDAY, WEDNESDAY! GIANT MONSTER TRUCK RALLY RIGHT HERE IN DANVILLE! CANDACE THE CRUSHER TAKES ON ALL COMERS! BE THERE, BE THERE, BE THERE! WE'LL GIVE YOU THE WHOLE SEAT, BUT YOU'LL ONLY NEED THE EDGE!(normal voice, giggles) Thanks, Dink.
Buck Buckerson: I heard pigs could fly, but now I've seen everything! (Laughs)

Candace: That doesn't even make any sense.

Buck Buckerson: It doesn't have to; I got a monster truck! Woohoo..!
Lawrence: Candace, those dudes need to suck our mud!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Don't worry, the swelling will go down. You know, probably.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Okay, turn left on Maple Drive... and there! Oh, great! There's no parking space! I should have invented a Parked-Car-Away-Inator.

Big-Headed Investor: (sarcastically) Oh ja! Zat is something I vould buy!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (unimpressed) Oh, look at him, he's got a big head... now he's some sort of marketing genius.
Buck Buckerson: Ha ha! You're going down, girlie! Check out the finesse!
Foreign scientist: Hey, guys, my swelling went down!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, shut up. (the scientist are eaten by an alien that is larger than them in height and the alien belches and a bubble comes out of its mouth. The bubble pops) CURSE YOU, PERRY THE PLATYPUS!
Linda: Candace, why on earth are you all covered in mud?

Ferb: Because... she's a tire spinnin', gear grindin', clutch burnin', backfirin', paint tradin', red-linin', overheatin', throttle stompin', truck drivin' girl.
(everyone pauses and looks at Ferb)
Candace: And I learned how to parallel park!

Linda: Great.

Mom's Birthday

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Behold, Perry the Platypus, Shrinkspheria! You like it? I was going to call it a Shrinkinator, but I've done that whole -inator thing before, it's just been done to death.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Pelicans. Terrible creatures. What are you— a bird or a garbage disposal?
Phineas: Ferb, are you hearing what I'm hearing? Candace singing! Early in the morning!

Candace: (singing a capella) Mom, it's your birthday, thanks for all the care and love you give. Yeah, yeah, that's alright! I like that! (continues singing)
Phineas: (gasps) It's Mom's birthday! How could we forget Mom's birthday? Where have all the days gone?
Flashback of Phineas riding a Rollercoaster: We can't forget Mom's birthday.
Flashback of Phineas in search of a mummy: We can't forget Mom's birthday!
Flashback of Phineas herding cattle: We can't forget Mom's birthday.
Flashback of Phineas surfing: We can't forget Mom's birthday.
Flashback of Phineas singing: We can't forget Mom's birthday.

Flashback of Phineas being chased by a dinosaur: Isn't there something I'm supposed to remember?
Candace: (singing to self) Eggs and bacon, oh yeah...
Wax George Washington Robot: I can not tell a lie. I am melting.
Candace: Wait a minute! I can still give Mom the one thing the boys can't! The gift of music! Played on my good friend: the bass. (begins to play bass, but disappears because of Shrinkspheria) Huh. Oh well, it's a good thing I play the banjo! (banjo shrinks) It's a good thing I play the bassoon! (bassoon shrinks) It's a good thing I play the bugle! (bugle shrinks) It's a good thing I play the bongos! (bongos shrink)

Announcer: Five minutes later...

Candace: (frantic) It's a good thing I play the balalaika! (balalaika shrinks) It's a good thing I play the bagpipes! (bagpipes shrink) I should have manned the omelette station! (throughout this she talks with increasing desperation)
Wax Abraham Lincoln Robot: We can't seem to get a break.
Wax George Washington Robot: Your breath smells like candles.
Phineas: (referring to his mother's breakfast) Made with love.

Buford: And sweat.
Linda: And by sweat, you mean hard work, right?

Buford: Ehh... sure.
Doofenshmirtz: (referring to blinking traffic arrows) ...stop blinking, telling me where to go! Point. Point. Point. Point. Oh, I hate you!

Journey to the Center of Candace

Candace: Oh my gosh! Guess who just called and ask me out on a date!

Stacy: Who!?
Candace: Jeremy!
Stacy: Ahh!
Candace: Ahh!
Stacy: Ahh!
Candace: Ahh!
Stacy: Hold on, let's conference in Jenny!
Candace: Okay! Ahh!
Jenny: Ahh!
Candace: Ahh!
Stacy: Ahh!

Phineas: LET'S GO OUTSIDE!
Isabella: One grilled-cheese sandwich, hot off the— oh, cool!
Isabella: No, Pinky! Chasing the cat is so cliché! You're better than that!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, I... You know, we always do the same thing. I have a scheme, you try to stop me, I trap you, I tell you my scheme, you escape, then we fight, and I'm defeated. Let's mix it up a little!
Major Monogram: Agent P, what's wrong? (Perry shows Major Monogram Doofenshmirtz handcuffed to pipe)

Major Monogram: Oh, you've caught Doofenshmirtz. That's weird. He usually traps you, then you escape and then—

Doofenshmirtz: We mixed it up a little!
Doofenshmirtz: Should I go with "Make-Up-Your-Mind-Inator" or is that too on the nose? It's funny, now I can't make up MY mind...

Perry jumps onto Doofenshmirtz, punches him and kicks him backwards. He handcuffs one handcuff to Doofenshmirtz
Doofenshmirtz: Perry the platypus wha-?
Perry drags him over to the pipe
Doofenshmirtz: Well I did NOT see that coming...
Perry handcuffs the other one to the pipe, jumps over Doofenshmirtz and takes out his phone communicator

Doofenshmirtz: Calling Headquaters, huh? You didn't even give me a chance to trap you! See, I was going to put you in that snow globe over there... now I have to return it!
Phineas: (not knowing he's inside Candace's body instead of Pinky's) Wow. Pinky's neck is really long.
Phineas: Ah, tacos. You know who makes the best tacos? Mom. These kinda remind me of the ones we had...for dinner...last night...
While Doofenshmirtz is inside Pinky.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (clapping his hands together) Perfect. Now I can pee all over the Tri-State Area! (laughs evilly then stops).... Oh, what am I doing with my life?

It's About Time!

Tour Guide: This time machine was built by the 18th century inventor, Xavier Onassis. Of course, he never finished it, or he'd still be with us today.
Doofenshmirtz: (about Peter the Panda) It's not what you think! We're not enemies, we're just bad friends.
Teenage Guy: You got tossed out too, huh?

Candace: Yeah, for yelling.
Teenage Guy: You yelled in a museum? That is hard core!
Candace: Why did you get thrown out?
A pterodactyl skeleton is shown

Teenage Guy: Stole a pterodactyl, but it's not like I yelled.
Phineas: Keep your voices low, and no sudden movements.

Candace: (starts screaming and making sudden movements until the T-Rex chases her)

Phineas: Wow, it worked!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, Peter the Panda!
Candace: Why am I wearing a turtle on my head?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I remember when this picture was taken. It was the happiest day of my life... It was the day I decided to get my picture taken.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I had a feeling there was someone hiding behind the mailbox.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: ♪♪My neme, neme, ooo... My neme, neme, neme...♪♪
Wait, I forgot what comes after the bridge.
Dr. Feelbetter: I see. Because he's an Animal, he doesn't talk.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz Of course not! What kind of evil scientist are you!?.
Candace: Things can't get any worse. (it starts to rain) Oh, look, the world's first bad hair day.
Isabella: You know, there's an 'm' in Time Machine.
Phineas: Yeah, sorry.
Candace: You mean to tell me that you built a time machine that has to be plugged in?! (T-Rex roars) Oh put a sock in it!

Phineas: Candace, no sudden movements.

Candace: What does it matter? We're all doomed anyway. I mean, where are we supposed to find electricity in DINOSAUR LAND?!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I promise to hurt you the right way, with cartoonish physical violence and elaborate traps made out of strange things I bought over the internet.
Phineas: We actually went back in time.
Lawrence: Oh, I know what you mean, Phin. These exhibits are so realistic.
Lawrence: Fossils... da da da...boop...

Rewinds cassette.
Lawrence: Fossils... da da da...boop...
Rewinds cassette.
Lawrence: Fossils... da da da...boop...
Rewinds cassette.
Lawrence: Fossils... da da da...boop...
Rewinds cassette.
Lawrence: Fossils... da da da...boop...
Rewinds cassette.

Lawrence: Fossils...

Dude, We're Getting the Band Back Together

Lawrence: I doubt there's anything you can do, unless you boys can perform miracles.
Phineas: What's your budget?
Candace: (out of corner of mouth) He keeps his cherished memories in a toolbox.
Phineas: Wow, you're really passionate about rock 'n roll.
Danny: Well, it's only my life!
Random Customer: I've got it! The spirit of rock and roll has called out to me!
Danny: I knew it. That'll be eighteen hundred dollars.
Phineas: Hello? Isabella?

Isabella: Hey, Phineas. What's up?
Phineas: Guess what band's getting back together?
Isabella: Love Händel?
Phineas: Uh... yeah. How'd you know?

Isabella: It was the lead story on the five o' clock news.
Phineas: Pardon me. Could your name be Swampy, ex-drummer for the band Love Händel?

Swampy: (while beating out a rhythm with a book and a stamp) That, my friend, was a past life. The name's Sherman. Why you askin'?
Phineas: Because they're reforming for one night only! It's a celebration of our parents' anniversary.

Swampy: Well, that sounds charming, boys, but I haven't played drums since the accident. Fell asleep in a metronome factory, when I awoke I completely lost my sense of rhythm. I've been hanging out here ever since.
Danny: Dude, is that the cake from the trash?

Swampy: What? You can't let good cake go to waste!
Bobbi: Looks like it all went to 'waist' to me.

Swampy: Hey watch it, Mr. Tease-and-Curl!
Danny: Sorry, Phineas, but we've got to go on now or we're going to have a serious fashion-metal riot on our hands.
Vanessa: Thank you, Perry the Platypus!
Johnny: Hey, Vanessa, is that your dad up there on the rocket?
Vanessa: Yeah, he'll be okay. He blows up all the time.
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, Perry the Plat— Wait, is that Love Händel?

The Ballad of Badbeard

Phineas: It sounds like someone strangling a cat! It must be Grandpa!
Phineas: Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!
Phineas: Why do they call it Badbeard Lake, Grandpa?

Clyde: Well, it's a body of fresh water surrounded by land—

Phineas: No, the Badbeard part.
Candace: (while on orange moss) No way, this is so weird. I see Perry with an eagle and they're dressed like secret agents and they're talking to a man inside an egg. (laughs and covers her mouth) That is so messed up!
Buford: Ha ha! Take that, you scurvy dog!
Baljeet: Ha ha! I do not even know what scurvy is!
Clyde: I remember when I first found that treasure map. I spent every summer searching for Badbeard's treasure.... Of course, then I discovered girls, and the rest is a blur.
Clyde: Well gotta find your Grandma, wish there was a map for that.
Phineas:...and travel on foot through the Tunnel of Doom... well, that sounds delightful!
Candace: Why do my nostrils whisper to me?
(what looks like monsters are snapping at the kids)

Isabella: Oh my gosh, Buford, what are you doing?
Buford: Look, I found these new nifty hand puppets!
Isabella: Well, stop fooling around, and let's go!

Buford: Oh, all right.
Isabella: But, Phineas, what about the curse?

Buford: Bad beards forever, dude.

Baljeet: You don't even have a chin!
Candace: I'm gonna have me some beef jerky.
Betty Jo: It's the blue moss you've gotta watch out for.

Candace: W-what?
Betty Jo: I guess it was all in your head. Well, that's the power of suggestion for ya. You get some rest now, sweetie.
Candace: (looks down and realizes has had hand in blue moss the whole time) The blue moss. What?! (background becomes psychadelic) Oh...

Talking Zebra: Love the beard, Kevin.

Greece Lightning

Candace: I can't believe you dragged me all the way over here for this! Well, at least there's hunky guys in skirts.
Lawrence: Guys come and look at this! This is an actual replica of an artist's interpretation of what some random guy of no significance believed that the chariot of Asparagus might have looked like.
Major Monogram: (disguised as Discobolus) ...And don't look up my skirt!
Announcer 1: Paul Bunyan's, where food is good.
Announcer 2: But not too good, eh?
Phineas: ...spread the word! Spread the word!

Isabella: Wait! At what time?
Phineas: In about an hour or so.
Isabella: Where's it gonna be?
Phineas: Here!
Isabella: Who am I telling again?

Phineas: Just spread the word! Oh, and tell them to bring gladiator gear.
Doofenshmirtz: You see, until now, every attempt to eradicate you has been foiled! Then I came across some— (hears a slurping noise) Excuse me, who are you, and what are you doing here?

Random Boy: I bought a ticket to see this movie.

Doofenshmirtz: Ugh. Okay, just roll the film.
Random Boy: This is the best platypus movie I have ever seen.
Narrator: ...the greatest enemy of the platypus is man.
Norm: Hi there!
Buford: This is a chariot race, there are no rules.
Isabella: No rules?! Well, if those are the rules...
Buford: Hey you! You're goin' down!

Baljeet: But we're on the same team!

Buford: Then you're goin' down with me.
Phineas: We built you your own chariot that looks just like you!
Candace: (standing next to chariot with an ugly face carved into it) Oh, that is ridiculous; I do not have wheels!
Phineas: Remind me, why did we put spikes on Buford's chariot again? And a bowling ball catapult? I mean, what were we thinking? Why'd we give them all the cool stuff? What do we have?
Ferb presses a button; cup holders pop out
Cup holders?! Sweet! Now we're cooking.
Baljeet: That is right! Eat sparks, my opponents!
Norm: Are those slacks new? They make you look slimmer.
Norm: Honey, have you seen my keys?
Phineas: It's half-man, half-bull! It's the Minotaur!

Norm: My name is Norm.

Phineas: It's Norm the Minotaur!
Norm: Wait, come back! You can borrow my rake!
Norm: Secretly I'm very lonely.

Leave the Busting to Us!

Major Monogram: Sky— weather— rain— Doofenshmirtz— we're breaking up, let me call you on a landline. (phone beside Perry rings; he picks up) So, just to recap: Sky. Weather. Rain. Doofenshmirtz.
Candace: Yeah, well... Bust 'Em van arrives Okay, okay. You guys just... keep doing whatever it is that you do.
Phineas: Huh. That seemed oddly out of character.
Lulu:(To Candace) Let me tell you a story. The story of "bust" and "them." "Bust" fights "them", but "them" fights right back. It's the age-old struggle, but in the end "them" always wins. No, I'm sorry. Wait, "bust" - ha-ha – "Bust" always wins. That's it. Yes, bust them.
Lulu: Mom never believed they were the ones breaking the plates or scratching the records.
Candace: Um, my brothers don't break plates or scratch records.
Lulu (to Candace): Our crew has planted cameras covering every square inch of your backyard, basically, if a squirrel breaks wind, we'll have it on tape. Fifi, none of these cameras seem to be working.

Fifi: Uh, actually, I think camera #8 is working fine.

(Camera #8 catches a squirrel in the act of breaking wind.)
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: But I guess my dreams faded into sepia-tone somewhere along the way.
Phineas: In case we capsize, your seat cushions can function as a headstone.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Bobo the Rabbit? Did you know I've been looking for you since the seventh grade?
Farmer's Wife: I can't believe you spent our entire life savings on a bunny farm and forgot to buy any bunnies.

Farmer: But dear, I—
Farmer's Wife: I mean, what did you think rabbits we're just gonna fall out of the sky?
Three rabbits fall into the Farmer's Wife's hands. Then, a basket full of rabbits crash onto her.
Farmer: Looks like somebody owes me an apology.

Farmer's Wife: Touché.
Boy: Hey! That evil scientist just stole my bike!
Girl: Hey, that nice duck just gave me $20 for my skateboard.
Candace: Now you understand my pain. Want some pie?

Crack That Whip

Candace: Does this helmet make my butt look big?
Betty Jo: You skate like a water buffalo.
Hildegard: You couldn't win a race against a one-legged stuffed owl.
Betty Jo: Take your teeth out or I will do it for you.
Suzy: But it's not fair, Candace. Our team has two girls and one boy, so you need to be on your grandma's team, so it's fair. 'Cause it's not fair if it's two boys and one girl against two girls and one boy, so you'll have to skate, Candace, or it won't be fair.
Candace: Et tu Grandpa?
Clyde: Oh, I just had one. There's more if you want.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, my head hurts too much for a flashback.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: There's no beard like nineteenth-century beard, Perry the Platypus. Anyway, that horrible statue must be destroyed as a constant reminder of my follicular failure."
Phineas: Our color commentator, Grandpa Clyde.
Clyde: Yellow! Green! Blue!
Phineas: Excellent color grandpa.
Clyde: Glad to oblige.
After the song, Ring of Fun
Phineas: And we're back. Grandpa?
Clyde: Orange! Purple! Chartreuse!
Phineas: Oh, wait! Candace and Jeremy are back in the race, but they're going the wrong way. And now Suzy's going the wrong way, too. At least Ferb's still going the right way. Oops! Spoke too soon.
Candace: Mom, come on, come on! The boys built a giant roller rink in the backyard!

The roller rink turns into a giant loaf of bread.
Candace: Uhh... Giant loaf of bread?
Phineas makes the 'I don't know' sound; Candace goes skating back into the house
Candace: Mom! Mom! The boys built a giant loaf of bread in the backyard!
Linda: What? I thought you said it was a roller rink?
Candace: It was, but now it's a loaf of bread! Come on, come on! See?

The giant loaf of bread gets eaten by a flock of hungry magpies.
Linda: Candace, what are you talking about?
Candace: B-b-b-bread.
Linda: Boys, I think she's finally lost it.
Phineas: Hey, dad. How'd your speech go?
Lawrence: Well, I'd have to say it was thimbly wonderful.

The Best Lazy Day Ever

Candace: Alright, what gives? It's already nine o'Clock and there's no construction noise, no delivery trucks no... no nothing? They're just standing there, like statues! Statues...

(In Candace's mind)
Phineas: Good thinking, Ferb. We'll put these decoys up so Candace thinks we're doing nothing and then when Candace isn't looking, we'll do something! Hahahahaha!
(Back in reality)

Candace: Not today they don't!
Candace: Today is a pivotal moment in my life. You see, Jeremy's band is gonna play at the festival. Jeremy's gonna see me in the crowd, not just because I have front row seats, but because I'm gonna be cheering harder than anyone else! Like this: "WHOO! YEAH! WHAA! BABY! OH, YEAH SING IT!" Then we're gonna date through high school and college, marry and have two kids — Xavier and Amanda. So don't you dare try to ruin it with one of your little project thingies!
Candace: Well, if they really are doing nothing, I guess I've got some time to go about my own personal business. Let's see, what do I usually do? I know! I'll call Stacy and tell her how I'm busting Phineas and Ferb -- Oh yeah. Can't do that, 'cause they're not doing anything. Wait a minute! I know. (sets up the video camera) I'll put this camera in just the right spot so that when Phineas and Ferb-- ooh! (sets up a trap) And when Phineas and Ferb walk by, I'll -- ahh! (putting on lipstick) Well, if there's one thing I know, I'm gonna look so good when I bust them for-- (snapping her lipstick) Rrr! Face it! You can't do anything unless you're trying to bust them for doing something! And if they're doing nothing then... who is Candace?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh no! Now I'm ugly! I'm- (His face remains the same) Oh. I get it. Hardy har har.
Doofenshmirtz: No! You've perverted my ugly invention with something beautiful!
(Perry falls into his lair while MM and Carl are dancing with girls)

Major Monogram: Oh Agent P you're here. Carl get me a close up. So uhh, stop Doofenshmirtz, that's it.

(They carry on dancing as Agent P leaves)
Vance Ward: Thanks, whoever you are. Now, GET ME OUT OF HERE!

Boyfriend From 27,000 B.C.

Announcer: It's also believed that they had a highly advanced language. For example: (runs around shrieking and hooting) is how they may have said 'I love you' or 'Please take out the trash'.
Major Monogram: (to Perry) And... could you do it dressed as a bunny? A big, pink, bunny? (Laughs)
Candace: Jeremy eats roast beef on Phinedays and Saturferbs... PHINEAS AND FERB, YOU'RE LUSTIN' FOR A BUSTIN!
Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus! Oh, your persistence is insufferable. And by that, I mean completely sufferable.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: For some reason, I don't mind the taco guy so much, look at his cute little hat!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, I've become my mother!
Phineas: This'll be fantastic - think of all the practical applications a caveman can have in the modern world! (beat) Actually, you know, besides politics, I can't think of anything. Just wait until he sees what we did with the wheel! And fire! And shiny objects!
Candace: (referring to sandwiches) Well, I'm sure I can spare one. I know how men are about their meat. 'ARGH! ME MANLY MAN! ME LIKE MEAT!'
Candace: And, if you even think about trying something funny today, you're gonna get it.

Phineas: Get what?
Candace: IT! (walks away)

Phineas: Well, if 'it' is another sandwich, I'll take it now, please!
Phineas: Good news! We got a plethora of sandwiches for you!
Robot Costume: Whoa, Jeremy, dude! Sweet costume, bro! (Conk punches him out) Okay, you're not my bro!
Stacy: Who was that?

Candace: J-j-juh—huh?

Stacy: I don't know a J-j-juh-huh.

Voyage to the Bottom of Buford

Buford: I'm not crying! I'm sweating through my eyes.
In reaction to Buford crying

Phineas: Wow, this is more annoying than when he was bullying us. I think we should get his fish back.
Buford: Really? You guys would do that? How 'bout a hug!
Phineas: Maybe later.
Buford: Let Buford hug you!
Phineas: Hey, where's Perry?

Buford: Come here!
Candace: ...right after I pay for it.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, how sweet of you! What's this note attached? 'Congratulations, Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, on defecting to the good side—' oh, no, not you too the whole news has been repeating that clip all day! First, I'm not defecting to the good side. Second, I'm keeping this gift basket there's a lot of goodies here.
Isabella: Hey, Buford... are you sweating out of your eyes?

Buford: No! I'm just cryin'!
Ferb lands on top of him while climbing into the submarine

Buford: Thanks. I needed that.
Phineas: Don't worry, Ferb can communicate with dolphins.
Phineas: (Seeing Buford crying again) We've gotta find that fish. Soon.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, allow me to introduce the Media Erase-inator. Patent pending, Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated.
Buford (referring to a giant squid): It's all suction cuppy! And beaky!
Phineas: Hmm, a giant squid. What are the odds?

Baljeet: My money is on the squid.

Isabella: Cut me off a slice of THAT action!
Phineas: Hey Buford, you were really brave out there.

Buford: What's that supposed to mean? Buford grabs Phineas by shirt collar You think I was a wimp before?
Baljeet: No, not really, but you were a lot more sensitive.
Buford: What did you say?!
Buford drops Phineas, goes over to Baljeet, and gives him a Wet Willie

Phineas: Yeah, Buford is back!
Candace: ...Save the camera, save the camera... save the camera...

A Hard Day's Knight

Lawrence: Oh, merry old England. How I love our yearly holiday to my parents' home. Big Ben, Buckingham Palace, oh, the White Cliffs of Dover, Stonehenge!
Phineas: Either I've grown a lot in the past year, or England's getting smaller. (Shows aforementioned attractions all clumped together, not to scale)
Reginald: Here, immortalized in bronze, is the Black Knight himself and his Hounds of Heck on their final charge to vanquish the dragon. (turns to another bronze statue, depicting a dragon roasting the Black Knight on a spit) And here... is the disastrous result.
While dressed as a king's fool
Phineas: What do I look like, a fool?
(Charles is playing tennis with his butler)

Charles: En garde, Stubbings! Ha ha! Come on, man! Parry and riposte. (laughs) I've run you through, Stubbings.
Stubbings: Yes, delightful, Master Charles. Clearly, you have mastered the rules of tennis. I believe it's (opens up a platter with a tennis ball) my serve. Oh dear. I have punned.

Charles: (laughs)
Candace: What do you think you are doing?!
Phineas: I think I'm building a horse.
Candace: (using a fake British accent) As the fair princess, I declare Sir Charles the winner of the-(stops and thinks using her normal voice) Wait a minute. Could this be one of those things that backfires horribly on me? (pause) Nah!
Phineas: (inside a suit of armor realistically designed so that Phineas and Ferb do not fit correctly inside) There's something almost disturbing about this.
Perry (disguised as Dr. Wexler): Upon an evil winter's heart, the heavy hand of regret infrequently alights. The malevolent path is one trod without the cumbersome shackles of sentimental introspec spec spec spec spec spec spec spec spec spec spec spec spec...(Perry whacks his CD player with his book)
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Hmm, that's funny. I don't remember you saying "spec" so many times. (Perry rips off his disguise.) Dr. Wexler, you're a platypus. (Perry, looking annoyed, puts his hat on. Doofenshmirtz gasps.) PERRY THE PLATYPUS!? I want to say I knew it was you, but I can't, because I didn't.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Ha ha ha, Perry the Platypus! Your giant robot dragon is no match for my giant robot... Queen Elizabeth I. Would you mind switching robots with me? Would you mind to terribly, please?
While Dr. Doofenshmirtz is sitting in the pilot seat located in the mouth of a dragon
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Well, yours may have laser eyes, but mine breathes f-(yelling) OW! That was a stupid design.
Television Announcer: This just in: A giant mechanical Queen Elizabeth I and a dragon are rampaging through the country, engaged in an apparent duel to the death. (pauses) Oh, and, in other news, a new version of Jane Eyre is in the offing.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: That Queen Elizabeth is a tough old bird!

Traffic Cam Caper

Linda: Hun, you know we drive on the right.
Lawrence: Yes, yes, so you keep telling me...
Major Monogram: I didn't become a Major so I could sweat out a vaudeville routine with an intern.
Candace: Mom! I finally got proof that Phineas and Ferb...

Linda: Ugh! Not this again! We'll talk about it in the morning.
Phineas: How's 7:00 sound?
Linda: And you two, outta here!
Phineas: We're gonna pencil her in for 7:30.
Linda: Nine!

Phineas: Make that 9:00.
Doofenshmirtz: Perry the platypus? Wait, hold on one second. (He removes a piece of clear plastic from his mouth and puts it in a case) What? The pressures of an evil life. I need a grind-guard.
Candace: What was...that???
Phineas: I don't know, but it was cool.
Major Monogram: And the turkey goes...
Carl: Sir, we lost Agent T last November.
Candace: ...Besides, I still have the rocket for evidence! (Looks over and sees that it's gone) What happened to the rocket?

Phineas and Candace look to the sky, where the rocket has flown away and explodes

Phineas: ......Hmm. Good thing we got off of that, huh?
Phineas: Well, that was almost weirder than the giant robot.
Lawrence: Oh I can't believe it! It seems my video traffic ticket's been cleared! I guess there is someone up there looking out for me. (Points up the staircase, where Perry is lying down. He chatters in response)
Major Monogram: Any word from Agent P?

Carl: No, sir.
Major Monogram: So I guess all we can do is wait.
Carl: And hope, sir.
Major Monogram: And hope.
Carl: And also wait.
Major Monogram: I already did "wait," Carl.
Carl: Did we do "hope"?
Major Monogram: Ugh. I didn't become a major so I could sweat out a vaudeville routine with an intern.

Carl: Of course not, sir.

Bowl-R-Ama Drama

Candace: (on the phone with Stacy) So, what do you think I should wear to the fair tonight? I'm thinking my favorite red blouse with my white skirt and red matching socks.
Baljeet: According to the Book of World's Most Pointless Records, the world's largest bowling ball is four feet in diameter.

Phineas: Four feet? Ferb, we could beat that in our sleep. Ferb, get the tools. We've got a record to shatter. (A small building montage occurs, which ends with the boys asleep beside the bowling ball)
Baljeet: Wow! That is one big bowling ball.

Phineas: (startled awake, he looks up at the ball) Hey, look at that, Ferb! Told you we could do it in our sleep!
Candace: Just wait till Mom hears about— Then again, you guys always seem to make everything disappear before Mom gets home. But if I take the evidence to her at the Bowl-R-Ama, then she'll have to believe me!

(In Candace's fantasy)
Linda: Oh Candace, you were right about Phineas and Ferb this whole time. We should've believed you.
Lawrence: And just to express how sorry we are, here's my credit card. You have our permission to ruin us financially.
Jeremy: Candace, that is so cool how you busted your brothers like that! Will you marry me?
(Back in reality)
Phineas: So you wanna give it a try?

Candace: I do, Jeremy! I mean, uh... I'd love to give it a try.
Phineas: Now whatever you do, don't hit the "Gyroscope Stabilizer Lock" button. It'll disable the gyroscope and you'll spin around like a greased pig on roller-skates!
Phineas: Where does that tunnel go?

Worker: Huh. Heck if I know.

Phineas: Ferb, the map of Danville's underground. (Ferb whips out a map and hands it to Phineas.) Looks like she's headed downtown.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: So, Perry the Platypus, as they say in Mexico, Dos svindaniya! Down there, that's two "Svindaniyas."
Barry: That's one big bowling ball, Bob.
Bob: You betcha, Barry.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I used to have goals. They were evil goals, but they were goals.

Got Game?

Isabella: Tell you what I'm gonna do, Buford. I'm gonna take this ball and I'm gonna hit it into your goal in one shot.

Buford: Oh, is that right?

Isabella: Absolutely. And you want to know the funny part? There's nothing you can do about it.
Phineas: Nice foosing, Isabella.
Major Monogram: As for me, I'm going home early. It's taco night!
Baljeet: If I miss the third shuttlecock with my rubber chicken, does Buford have to jump over the chokecherry bush before or after the girls finish peeling their tangerines?

Candace, Isabella and Buford: After!

Buford: Aw man, pay attention, you're embarrassing me!
Phineas: Ooh, extra points for recycling. The girls' score is now the square root of pi (π) while the boys still have a crudely-drawn picture of a duck. Clearly it's still anyone's game.
Isabella: Ready Candace?

Candace: I feel like a kebab.
Baljeet: I too feel a certain element of kebab-ism.

Buford: I said quiet, you!
Baljeet: Clearly I was— clearly I was wrong, that was an excellent way to block a shot!
Baljeet: Suddenly, I am not feeling so fresh.

Comet Kermillian

Major Monogram is on the living room television giving Perry his mission.

Major Monogram: ...The fate of the world rests entirely in your hands!
Lawrence walks in.
Lawrence: What, the fate of the world?
Major Monogram: Uh... Good Morning! Welcome to our telethon! I-if you're just joining us your dollars are helping us to find a cure for, um... antidisestablishmentarianism!
Lawrence: Goodness me, that sounds dreadful!
Major Monogram: Oh, it is! It, um, makes you look pale and weak like, uh...Monogram pulls Carl on screen...this young lad!
Lawrence: Oh, dear, the poor thing, look at that. Wait a minute! Antidisestablishmentarianism? That's more of an ideological stance than a disease, isn't it?
Monogram shoves Carl off screen
Major Monogram: Ah, well, look at that! Seems they've just found a cure! Thanks to all the viewers who donated. Bye now!
Linda: Honey, are you ready to go?
Lawrence: Yeah, sure. Hey, did you know they've found a cure for antidisestablishmentarianism?

Linda: Great. I can finally take off this puce ribbon.
Street Performer 1: Wow, she had actual squirrels in her pants.
Street Performer 2: We just got served.
Street Performer 2: Oh man, we got served again.
Street Performer 1: I'm going back to culinary school.
Suzy: Are you okay? I have something that will make you smile! (shows Candace squirrel) Say hello to Mr. Chippy!

Candace: Aah! Keep that sick creature away from me!
Jeremy: Candace, it's just a squirrel.
Candace: That's not the one I'm talking about!
Jeremy: What happened to her?
Suzy: I don't know, but these violent mood swings are probably a sign of a deeper emotional imbalance.
Jeremy: What?

Suzy: Ehaha, bubble!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Wait, you're not trying to hack the ray-gun system are you? What I'm I worried about? You'll never guess my super secret password.

Heat Laser: 'Doofalicious'. Access granted.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Okay, that's enough!
Phineas: Can I have everyone's attention? Please don't panic, we're experiencing technical difficulties. Kindly head toward the exit in a calm, orderly-

large piece of metal crashes behind Phineas

Phineas: Okay, now you can panic.
Jeremy: So, that's Kermillian's Comet. Did you make a wish?

Candace: Yes.
Jeremy: And did it come true?

Candace: It just did.

Put That Putter Away

Stacy: Miso soup! Heats itself, don't ask.
Owner of Little Duffer's: (Scottish accent) The Scotsman in me tells me to hold on until the bitter end... (Irish accent) but thin agin I'm half-Irish.
Candace: (in whisper) They are so b— (tries to speak but has lost voice completely; scribbles in a notebook and hands to Stacy)
Stacy: What's this? Dancing weasels? Candace flips it over Oh, busted. You want me to bust your brothers. You know, you really gotta work on your penmanship.
Stacy: Listen up, twerps! Just because Candace is sick doesn't mean you can get away with anything. I am now her eyes, ears, and mouth. Basically, I'm her whole face.

Phineas: Hmm... weasels... I think she means it.

Stacy: I knew they were weasels!
Stacy: Okay, focus, focus, focus. You can do this, Stacy. Don't get seduced by the coolness. Wuh-oh. Elevator to the coolness? (She climbs into it) This is so cool!
Cassette: The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain, translated into evil. Chapter One. Tom Sawyer's dislike of Aunt Polly was rivaled only by his hatred of puppies.
Doofenshmirtz: Perry the platypus! You scared the dunkelshtump out of me!
Doofenshmirtz: Look, I'll even sign something that says I was up to no good.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, Phil the Neighbor!
Farmer's Wife: You know you should have been setting aside a portion of your profits over the years with the understanding that THAT money would be used to upgrade your investment. Wh—what did you think, a shiny new miniature golf course would just fall out of the sky?

Phineas and Ferb's golf course fell to Little Duffer's.

Owner of Little Duffer's: You'd be surprised what falls out of the sky in Danville.
Stacy: I'm sorry that I forgot to bust your brothers.
Candace: That's okay. I'm sorry I got you sick.

Does This Duckbill Make Me Look Fat?

Candace: How did you guys get so big? And why is my hand green?

(Candace looks in the mirror and screams)

Candace: I'm an ugly, smelly platypus!
Major Monogram: There's a teenage girl in here.

Carl: A teenage girl?
(Dons the fedora)
Major Monogram: Agent P, brilliant disguise!

Carl: Man! I thought it was a real girl.
Stacy: (Thinking Perry is Candace) Hey, Candace! Awesome scooter! Hey, do you wanna come to Slushy Burger with my mom and me?

(Perry in Candace's body tips his hat off to Stacy and gives a thumbs up at a green light before driving away)
Stacy: Was that a yes or a no?
Dr. Hirano: I don't know. But I like the hat.

Stacy: Yeah, it's a good look for her.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: A teenage girl?

(Dons the fedora)

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Teenage Girl!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Sorry about the tight fit, but you know, if I had known you were going to disguise yourself as a teenage girl, I would have set a bigger trap.
Linda: Oh, hey, I've got some great baby movies of Candace. (turns on the TV) Oh, there she is in the bathtub. Whoops, little bubbles.

Candace in Perry's body: (walks out of sight) Mom! Remember what we talked about? My fifth-grade graduation? (walks onto couch) Linda: Fifth-grade graduation? What is she talking about?

Candace in Perry's body: (walks out of sight)(groan) Just turn off the home movies! (walks onto couch)
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Meevil...Steevil...Keevil...Heevil...

Perry the Teenage Girl unlocks the trap with a bobby pin...

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: As soon as I get this done, lunchtime will never again be fun. Oh, great, there's a rhyme! There's a rhyme, but sure, everything rhymes with "fun"!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Well, I'm out of here.

(He seemingly zips out of the frame leaving behind a smoky form of himself, but when the smoke disappears, he's still there.)

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: What just happened?
Candace: Am I sweating milk?! Being a platypus is so gross!

The Flying Fishmonger

Phineas: How'd you do that?

Reginald: It's just a little bit of "how's your father." I may seem like a barmy ol' git now, but when I wasn't so long in the tooth, I had some grand larks and engaged in a fair amount of derring-do.
Phineas: Translate?

Ferb: When he was younger, he did a bunch of stuff.
Newsboy: Extra! Extra! Fishmonger and kids jump McGregor's gorge!

Motorcycle jumps and misses the platform on the other side of the gorge
Newsboy: Extra! Extra! Fishmonger and kids plummet to their doom!
Motorcycle flies upwards with wings. One of the wings breaks off

Newsboy: Extra! Extra...oh forget it... Throws the newspapers over his shoulder
Linda: I think that hat's on a bit too tight.
While flying through the air after breaking a wing

Phineas: Well, that can't be good.
pause
Reginald: Spot of tea?

Phineas: Yeah, all right.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Tube socks? What is this, 1974?

One Good Scare Ought to Do It!

Major Monogram: Good morning, Agent P. Dr. Doofenshmirtz is on the move. We tracked him to these coordinates when we suddenly lost his signal. We have two scenarios to explain his disappearance. First, that magical elves have caused Dr. Doofenshmirtz to vanish to the land of angry corn people. The second is that he may be on this secret hideout-shaped island with the initial "D" carved into it, that satellites found at the exact... spot... where... he... vanished... uh. You know what, uh, forget the magical elves thing, way off base with that. Anyway, on your way, Agent P.
Candace: Phineas! The only way you're building a haunted house in the backyard is over my dead body.

Phineas: (Transylvanian accent) That's the idea. Bla!
Candace: That's it, you little psycho, I'm calling Mom! (door slams) And I am not using the banana this time! (door slams again)

Phineas: ... You guys heard that, right? It wasn't just me?
Candace: Hello, this is an emergency. I would like to speak to Linda Flynn. To whom am I currently speaking?

Jeremy: Uh...Jeremy. That's whom.
(Candace starts stuttering)
Candace: J-J-J-Jeremy? Um, Jeremy who?
Jeremy: Jeremy Johnson. My mother is hosting a book club, who is this?
Candace starts crinkling paper next to the phone
Candace: We seem to be breaking up. Uh, I'm going into a tunnel! Sunspots! I...¡NO HABLO ESPAÑOL!

Candace hangs up feeling embarrassed
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus? HERE? How could this be? I'm shocked. (walks over to a map of the ocean with his hideout on it) I mean, it would have taken a total evil mastermind to have guessed that you'd track me to this point, find the secret hide-out, glide in under the radar and infiltrate through this access vent, make your way over to this crate, activating my automatic arm and leg restraints. Right here? This is the part where I get all sarcastic and pretend you surprise me. "OH, PERRY THE PLATYPUS?!? HOW? WHAT THE? WHO THE? WHY THE..." Oh! ...Finally ending here, where I finish showing you my brilliant plan. You see Perry the Platypus, this secret hideout doesn't actually belong to me. It belonged to my mentor, Professor Destructocon, Kevin, to his friends. Sadly, he was just captured in the midst of his latest plan to set fire to the sun! Redundant, perhaps. But before they locked him away, Kevin asked a favor of me: To prevent them from discovering his hidden lair and all its secrets, would I please SET FIRE TO THE SUN! I was like, dude, you really got to let that one go, it's a ball of fire! It makes no sense.
Candace: Hey, boys. I'm off to the Johnson's' book club. Jeremy invited me over.

Phineas: Um, when you see Mom, can you tell her some snakes got lost in the house?
(Candace pauses for a moment, looking as if to say something mean; face immediately brightens up)

Candace: Okay! You boys have fun. See ya!
Phineas: Buford, I know this is cutting into your canasta game.

Buford: This better be good, Pointy!
Phineas: Oh, it is. Isabella has been cursed!
(all gasp)
Phineas: ... with the hiccups.

(all moan)
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (to Agent P) Am I getting warmer? Hmm? (Perry doesn't answer) Ah-ha! The sofa! My keys fell between the cushions, right?(Still no respond from Perry) Ah... no. Oh, come on! I defeated you fair and square, Perry the platypus. Why can't you accept your death with dignity and maturity and play "You're Getting Hot or Cold" with me? (Perry scowls) Fine, be that way. I'll find my keys myself and teach you the meaning of grace under fire. (the Disintivaporator beeps for a second later, Dr. Doofenshmirtz gets on his knees and pleads to Perry) Please, I'll do anything! Oh, for the love of great Caeser's ghost, what would you have me do?
Isabella: Hic! Darn. It didn't work, Phineas. (Phineas takes off the monster suit) What else you got?

Phineas: Oh, we've got plenty if your up to it.

Isabella: I-hic! G-g-g-guess so.
Baljeet: You can run, but it won't be to the college of your choice, I tell you!
Phineas: Buford?

Buford: Behold... the face of evil!
Phineas: Are you supposed to be Jeremy's little sister? You said you were going to be something scary!
Buford: She is scary, man. She gives me the willies!
Phineas: Little Suzy Johnson gives you the willies.
Buford: You don't know, man, you don't know!
Phineas: Uhhhm... we'll catch up with you later, okay?

Buford: (washing his hands) Wash away the horror... wash away the horror...
Vampire: (to Candace) Good evening— it is evening, isn't it?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: So what you're saying is if I let you go, you'll tell me where my keys are? (Perry nods) Oh, for Pete's sake, why didn't you say that like an hour ago?

(presses button; restraints that held Perry disappear and Perry lifts up his foot)

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, look, they were under your cute little platypus foot the whole time.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Okay, let's make sure I didn't forget anything in my haste. Let's see, I've got my old basketball, the lamp, the Christmas lights, the umbrella, Perry the Platypus, the Disintivaporator, my golf— PERRY THE PLATYPUS? (dramatic shock sound plays) THE DISINTIVAPORATOR?! (dramatic shock sound plays again) MY GOLF CLUBS?!? I don't even play golf!
(A string of Christmas lights hanging from Dr. D's rocket get tied up on the lightning rod at the tip of the haunted house, which carries it away)

Candace: See? Absolute terror! These little creeps destroyed our backyard leaving this ugly mess in its place!
(Horror music, Baljeet, smiling and waving, is shown in the middle of their empty yard)
Linda: Hi, Baljeet. That wasn't very nice, Candace.
(Shows Perry on the haunted house, which is being carried by Dr. D's rocket)
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Here you go, Perry the Platypus, enjoy your Disintivaporation!
(Dr. D throws Disintivaporator on the the haunted house, and the force of the invention hitting the house is enough to break the string of Christmas lights, thus freeing the haunted house, which lands in the backyard. This also allowed Doofenshmirtz to escape in his rocket while Perry pulls up a parachute to safety, forcing himself to let Doof go)
Candace: Ee-ee-ee-ee...It's back! Mom, it's back!
(Timer on Disintivaporator goes off, and the machine destroys the haunted house)
Candace: It's back! I told you! It's returned.
(Baljeet, holding his backpack, is shown in the middle of their empty yard again.)
Baljeet: Oh, excuse me, I forget my satchel.

Linda: (Flatly) Goodbye, Candace...

The Monster of Phineas-n-Ferbenstein

Phineas: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We thought it only fair to warn you that the show you're about to see may disturb you. It may shock you! It may even HORRIFY you! Ferb spits out hairball You've been warned.
Phineas: Looks like a real summer storm! Thunder crashes Well, our plan to stand alone in a field with a metal rod is out.
Major Monogram: Ooh, cheese and crackers! I'm late for my cousins wedding.
Grandpa Fletcher: It's about Ferb's ancestor. He was his great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great uncle. (lights short out)
Candace: Great.
Dr. Phineastein: I know what we're gonna do today. (laughs maniacally)
Candace: Can't you at least tell a story in color, Grandpa? (castle goes from black-and-white to pink and girly)

Phineas: Perhaps muted color would be better. (castle turns gray-green)

Grandpa Fletcher: Who's telling this story, anyway?
Constance: Will you hold it down? I am trying to use the quill!
Constance: I'm telling mob!
Jekyll Doofenshmirtz: (To Jameson) You know, in hindsight, I question even including a fairy princess setting to begin with. But, you know, live and learn.
Random Villager: I am finally cured of my irrational fear that a giant platypus will see me in my underpants! (Platypus monster walks by) It's even worse than I imagined.
Phineastein: Oh, there you are, Platypus monster.
Jeremiah: (To Constance) I can't remember a day when you looked more beautiful. (Constance turns into monster) Well.... now I can.

Oil on Candace

Man in soap opera: I love you.

Woman in soap opera: No, I love you much more than you love me.
Man: I hate you.

(They both kiss and Perry cries.)
Woman in soap opera: I love you!
Man in soap opera: I thought you hated me!
(Dr. Doofenshmirtz pays the singers and is talking to one of them)

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Hey, you know, when I'm done with this thing, maybe you and I could, uh... uh. Okay, okay.
I'll call you.
Singer leaves. To Perry:
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I think I got a shot there.

Perry rolls eyes
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: But follow me. I-I do have something even more impressive over there... my brand new... Blenderinator! Spelling doom for even the toughest of apples! (turns on blender) Bow down to me, Granny Smith!
Dr. Gevaarlijk: Ja, I'm sure if I was a pomaceous fruit I would be trembling. Where is your phone-inator? I need to call a cab-inator.
Dr. Gevaarlijk: In your letters, you said your nemesis was a 'suave, semi-aquatic personification of unstoppable, dynamic fury'.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: He's just about to do something! Wait for it...

(Perry chatters)
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Hmm, I guess it's just a platypus! I could have sworn it was him!

Dr. Gevaarlijk: Heinz, this is just sad.
Candace: (trying to bust her brothers) Mom, mom, mom!

Django: (trying to show Dad the painting) Dad, dad, dad!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (trying to impress his professor) Doctor, doctor, doctor! Oh, I didn't mean shout.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: To honor your visit, I will blow up the moon!

Dr. Gevaarlijk: Blow up the moon? But that would mean-
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Yes. No more stupid songs about moons.
Dr. Gevaarlijk: I do despise moon-related songs. Continue.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: It takes a lot of power so I can only fire it once, but don't worry. I have a plan down to the last- Ow!
(Ray accidentally hits dam, blowing up part of it)
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oops, no more songs about dams?

Dr. Gevaarlijk: Oh, but I like a good toe-tapping dam song.
Dr. Gevaarlijk: Oh, Heinz, evil doesn't always have to be on a big scale. You can spread evil in the little things you do every day.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (tearing up) You're right...

Dr. Gevaarlijk: But, sadly, you can't even do that right! You're a total failure!

Out of Toon

Singers: Pinhead Pierre! Has the smallest head of which I'm aware! It's about the size and shape of a pear! Everywhere the children stare, life's cruel and unfair to Pinhead Pierre!
Major Monogram: I apologize for using the emergency chute, and uh, for not telling you we had an emergency chute... But there was an emergency... shoot!
Phineas: I'd like my cartoon character to have the power to be everywhere at once. I'd be called Multi-Man! And Ferb would have a utility belt, and use lots of crazy gadgets! He'd be called... um, Ferb Guy!

Candace: (sarcastically) Well, I would have super mind-control and use telepathy and telekinesis to keep you super-dweebs under control with your lame-o superpowers.

Phineas: We could call you Control Freak!
Buford: That's an interesting question you pose, as it reveals not only one's impulses and desires, but one's deepest fears as well. I'll go with Belchman.

Offscreen Singers: Belchman!

Buford: You know, fights crime with different kinds of burps.
Phineas: How about you, Baljeet?

Baljeet: Isabella took mine.
Phineas: Hmm... School seems to be very important to you... books... being responsible and studious... getting good grades—
Baljeet: Oh! That's it! I will become Hanuman Man! A flying blue monkey that can grow as massive as he desires to crush all in his way!
(pause; everyone stares at Baljeet)

Phineas: Fun choice...?
Doofenshmirtz: Turns out, anything I hit with the ray starts dancing. For instance... (opens closet door to reveal a dancing man) a dryer repair man.

Dryer Repair Man: Help! I can't stop getting down! Ooh!
Doofenshmirtz: Quiet, you. (closes closet door)

Dryer Repair Man: (muffled) Oh, sweet horrible self expression through movement!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: To add insult to injury, the platypus is leading.
Candace: Oh, this is just getting out of control. Mom! Mom!

Linda's voice mail recording: Hi! This is Mom. Leave your psychotic rant about the boys when you hear the beep.

Candace: Ugh! Mom, come home quick! There's a giant mob, I'm a super fiend, I'm roasting them with laser vision, and— Hey... what do you mean, 'psychotic rant?'
Candace: Huh, maybe I should go out there and feel the love. Candace gets pelted with tomatoes. Love feels a lot like tomatoes.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Well, everyone knows dancing is evil! Perry the Platypus, what are you doing? Stop with the conga line. We're doing the Macarena.
Candace trying to explain how the studio disappeared

Linda: Well, I'm here. Now where's this giant animation studio?
Candace: It got up and it danced away.
Linda: It what?
Candace: It got up and it danced away.
Linda: It got up and danced away?

Candace: See? It even sounds crazy when you say it. I'll be in my room.

Hail Doofania!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Norm, I know what we're going to do today.
Doofenshmirtz: We're moving...to a golden new country on the sea. Created by the greatest mastermind of all time...me. Assisted by Norm...
Norm: I'm drilling!
Phineas: Speaking of bold fashion statements, have you seen Candace?
Vanessa: Hold on, Lacey. I can't hear myself gripe.
Norm: Don't forget: Friday is cake day.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, Vanessa. You're looking... uh, oh no matter. Where we're going you can dress up like a clown every day if you want.
Vanessa: You're building your own evil land? ... And you built a plush model?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Well, I had a lot of felt...
Mindy: Immediately after taking a photo of Candace Aaaand, send. Wow. 50 replies already.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (Referring to Perry) What's keeping him? Gee, I hope something horrible happened to him.
Norm: Does someone need a hug?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Of course not, you glorified waffle iron!
Norm: Who's up for a game of lawn-darts?

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I'd prefer to play hide and seek because I don't want to see you.

Norm: Ouch!
Phineas: Bless you, Perry the Platypus!
Major Monogram: Mow, mow, mow

And my heart starts pumping
Chicka, Chicka, Choo wah
Never gonna stop!
Major Monogram and Carl: Gitchee Gitchee Goo means that I love you!
Major Monogram: I work alone, Carl.
Carl: Sorry, sir.

Major Monogram: It's a solo.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Eight, nine, ten! Ready or not, here I come!

Sees Norm hiding right behind a pole
What? Oh! No, no, no, it's called hide and seek. You hide and I seek. I can not seek if you don't hide. Now go hide yourself! Ignoranous, go, go, go. Let's try this again. One, two, three, TEN!
looks over at crates
Now where is he?
Norm: waves behind the crates I'm right here, sir!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz facepalms as Perry jumps in
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, there you are, Perry the platypus. Hey Norm, look who decided to show up!

They stare at each other

Out to Launch

Stacy: Don't man the phone, girl. Phone the man!
Isabella: Hey Phineas, can I ask you something? Will you go to the dance-

Katie: Excuse me, Phineas. Can I get you to sign some liability waivers?
Phineas: Sure thing! Hold that thought, Isabella.

Isabella: Sure. No prob.
Isabella: Why are you guys walking so slow?
Phineas: Dramatic effect.
Candace: Brothers. Does every sister have to deal with this? No. Do I have to deal with this? Of course. You'd think I'd have better things to do and more important things to worry about. Every single day it's one thing after another. But do Mom and Dad see it? No. Do they get in trouble? No. And another thing... Arriving at the cockpit and only seeing Perry making a chatter.
Phineas: Candace, how'd you get in there?
Candace: I can't hear you! My cheeks are covering my ears!
Astronaut: OK, let's land this puppy. (The Flynn-Fletcher car lands on the launch pad) OK, it's bad enough this happens on Earth. NOW, SPACE?!
Phineas: Don't worry Candace, it's pre-programmed. Everything will be okay as long as you don't start hitting buttons randomly.
Candace: I can't hear you! I'm too busy hitting buttons randomly!
Candace: Nothing to be scared of?! There's the never-ending, icy cold, soul sucking darkness of space!
Phineas: If by bad you mean we're stranded in the never-ending, icy cold, soul sucking darkness of space... then yeah.
Astronaut: (voice amplified) Ah, would the owner of a red station wagon please move your vehicle? You are in a space shuttle loading and unloading zone only.
Isabella: (After Candace explains why she's afraid to ask Jeremy to the dance) You do realize that's kind of a worst-case scenario, right, Candace? But I do feel for you. I've been trying to ask Phineas to that same dance all day.

Candace: Phineas! What is taking those boys so long?! They were supposed to find fuel ages ago! Later, Isabella!

Isabella: Sure. No prob.
Phineas: So, Candace?

Candace: ....Oh, I get it. Big lesson. Well I guess I learned that I wouldn't be afraid to ask Jeremy out if he were growing out of the back of my head! I'm out of here.

Phineas: I just wanted to see if she liked the shake...
Astronaut: That's it, I'm not waiting any longer! (he and the co-pilot lift the car off the launch pad) Now, let's land this thing. (an alien lands his ship on the same launch pad) OH, COME ON!! (removes helmet) Uh-oh. (face puffs up) I think I need to go inside, now.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Soon, Perry the Platypus, the sun will be at full strength, and my plan will come to fruition. Unless, of course, it's overcast... (Alarm warbles) Proximity alert? Why are there so many people in space? What's up with that?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: That's right, run away, Perry the Scardey--Oh! (face puffs up) Oh. I think I need to put on my space suit.
Isabella: Hey Phineas. You guys were great!

Phineas: Thanks. You weren't too bad yourselves.
Isabella: Oh, (giggle) thanks. So, would you like to go to the Night of the Falling Stars Girls' Choice dance tonight?
Phineas: Sounds like fun.
Isabella: Really?
Phineas: Ferb, what's our schedule like? (Ferb gives a thumbs-up) Okay, we'll be there.
Isabella: Both of you?
Phineas: Yeah. Why don't you come by and we'll all walk over together.

Isabella: Sure. No prob.

Phineas and Ferb Get Busted!

Candace: Okay, it's still here. Come on mom, we're really coming down to the wire on this one. Mom!
(Leaves for a moment before returning)
Oh great and magical being who maketh all things magically vanish before mom sees them... knock it off!
(After Stacy leaves)

Jeremy: Hey Candace.
Candace: Jeremy!? How did you get into here?
Jeremy: There's a... huge gaping hole in the side of your house. (zooms out to the hole)
Candace: Oh yeah. Well Phineas and Ferb usually would have fixed that by now.
Jeremy: You wanna go horseback riding?

Candace: Would you stop already with the horses?
Candace (As Morty Williams): So, uh, let's see, uh, close your eyes.

Sergeant: (Closes his eyes) Like this?
Candace: Yes! Now put your fingers in your ears.
Sergeant complies
Candace: Perfect! Now go lalalalalala!
Sergeant: Well, okay. Singing Childishly Lalalalalalalala!
Candace: Lights are all wrong. Go inside the janitor's closet.
Sergeant does as told and walks into the closet

Candace: And Action! Slams door
(After the sergeant falls over the cliff)

Candace: Do you think he'll be...
Phineas: (juggling corn dogs with Ferb) Corn dog, corn dog, yummy yummy yummy!
Candace: Okay. Where did you get the— Mom! Dad! Thank goodness! The strangest thing just happened.
Linda: (in Baljeet's voice) Fear not. Your parents are here.
(Camera zooms out to show Mom and Dad are marionettes controlled by a giant
Baljeet: The real shock is you're just noticing this now.
Candace: What?
(Camera zooms out even further to show Baljeet is actually a marionette controlled by the zebra)
Zebra: I'm just as confused as you are, Kevin.
Jeremy: Candace, since I have no idea what will happen next, I need to tell you something. I love you, Candace Flynn. Will you marry me?
Candace: Oh, Jeremy! I always dreamt— Wait a minute. That's it! I'm dreaming!
Jeremy: That would explain the talking zebra.

Candace: Nah, I see him all the time.
Phineas: As the assault team carries him out I haven't even finished my cereal!

Unfair Science Fair

Isabella: Hey, Phineas. You might wanna check up on Baljeet. I was walking by his house when I heard him scream, (uses fake Indian accent) "AIEEE! I AM DOOMED TO BE AN INCOMPETENT FLUNKEE FOREVER!" ...ever... ever... ever... (uses normal voice) I added the echo part.
Major Monogram: (startled by Perry's entrance because he's not wearing his wig) Oh! Agent P! (puts on wig) It appears that Doofenshmirtz has made some rather unusual purchases: chicken wire, three metric tons of baking soda, and lederhosen. You know, those leather windpipe shorts that make you look like a walking cuckoo clock? Man, he is one sick puppy.
Baljeet: Inside I am thanking you a thousand times, even though on the outside, I remain quite frugal.
Wendy: Oops, too slow! I think I'll call you Molasses.
Candace: Molasses? Well, I think I'll call you something... slower than Molassess, that's for sure. (Jeremy and the unnamed manager stare at Candace) Uh, this isn't part of the competition, is it?
Doofenshmirtz: So, Perry the Platypus, I bet you're wondering why I'm wearing lederhosen? What? I've got the legs for it. (shows Perry his legs) Huh, huh? (vehicle stops behind them) So, anyway, the answer will be clear enough when--

Woman: (man's voice) COME ON, HANSEL! MOVE IT!
Doofenshmirtz: (honks horn) Hey, wise guy, I'm expecting--Oh, sorry ma'am. Sorry.
(the woman gets out of her car and walks up behind Doofenshmirtz)
Doofenshmirtz: Wow, her voice was so muscular and growl-y, I thought she was a man. I mean, people must call her "Sir" all the time on the phone. It must be so embar--Oh. Oh, she's standing right behind me now, isn't she? (he tries to roll up his window, but the woman punches him in the face, leaving him with a black eye) Not one word, Perry the Platypus.
(the scene cuts to the science fair. The screen pans left to reveal that Doofenshmirtz and Perry are at the end of an extremely long line)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, great, a line! Oh, brother. What, is that a model of Pluto? (laughing) That planet doesn't even exist anymore, you moron!
Big brother: (takes the model from his younger brother) Thanks for holding my spot in line, little bro. (to Doofenshmirtz) What were you saying about Pluto?
Doofenshmirtz: Nothing, I'm sure it's a--
(the big brother uses his project to hit Doofenshmirtz, leaving him with a second black eye)
(sighing) I suppose you're wondering why I'm putting myself through all this? When I was young, I entered a science fair with my very first Inator! I-I wasn't very clever with names yet. It was just, you know, Inator. Just as I was about to show my invention to the judges, a kid with a baking soda volcano stole the show! The next year, I tried again with my Even-Bigger-Inator! And, again, my thunder was stolen by a baking soda volcano. I've had enough of science. I decided to devote my life to poetry, instead.
Flashback Doofenshmirtz: The movies are gray...the TV is black...the horses are running... please bring me some food.

Doofenshmirtz: Yet, curiously, I still lost to a baking soda volcano!
Judge: Are those mechanical arms?

Girl: Why, yes. I used them to make this baking soda volcano.
Judge: A baking soda volcano? First prize!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, come on!
Candace: Snail, I'll call you snail!
Wendy: Oh, you're quick.

Unfair Science Fair Redux (Another Story)

Candace: So my friends want some time to themselves, huh? Well not without me they're not!
Slushy Dawg manager: I'm looking for Jeremy, too. I need him to work tomorrow. Our fry guy just defected over to Taco Tepee. You win this one, Cooks with Grease!
Candace: Ooh, I just got a text message, and it's from Stacy. CYL - BFF - S. What does that mean? Let's see... "Candace, you loser. Bad friendships fail. Stacy." Harsh!
Phineas: Welcome to Mars!

Candace: MARS?!?

(the Mars portal breaks down)
Scientist: (screams) I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I HAVE BEEN STARING AT RED ROCKS FOR TWENTY YEARS! (Turns around with back to screen, and Candace comes screaming at the rover calling for help but doesn't get any attention) THAT'S ALL THERE IS ON THAT STUPID PLANET! RED ROCKS! Face it...there's no life on Mars...THAT'S IT! I AM SHUTTING THIS PLACE DOWN! GAME OVER! (the rover is shut down)
Candace: Stupid rover! (starts kicking at the rover) You're not gonna ignore me too! Take that, you ugly unmanned exploratory vehicle! (destroys the rover) Yeah, that's what I thought!
Baljeet: Hey, look. It is us in the future fixing the portal.

Future Baljeet: Hello, Baljeet of the past. Just watch us. That is how we fixed the portal. Gesundheit!

Baljeet: Thanks. (sneezes)
Doofenshmirtz: Okay, I already got the chicken wire...

(Doofenshmirtz hands the list to Perry)
Doofenshmirtz: Here, you take the list and cross things off as we go. Should we get something for later? Like one of those big pickles? Or a three bean salad?
(Doofenshmirtz's cart hits another, piloted by Major Monogram with Carl sitting in the child's seat; Major Monogram backs away slowly without saying anything)

Doofenshmirtz: Well...that was...awkward.
Candace: (indicating the face on Mars) Who does that look like?
Linda: Hmm, well, it looks a little like a rhesus monkey wearing a powdered wig.
Stacy: Didn't you get my text? "Call you later, best friends forever, Stacy"?
Candace: (looking down at text) Oh... That's what I thought it said.

References

See also

Real-world

Around Wikia's network

Random Wiki