Memorable quotes that occurred in episodes of Phineas and Ferb during Season 2.
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Phineas: Oh, look, they have pictures of him.
Candace: (pointing quickly at all the pictures) Elephant, log, dolphin, driftwood, tire, driftwood, rhesus monkey wearing a powdered wig, driftwood, driftwood, ...you aren't old enough to know what that is, driftwood, driftwood... it's usually driftwood.
Bob Webber: (snaps fingers) Okay!
Major Monogram: Well, in focus group tests, 6-year-olds overwhelmingly preferred singing animals to a piece of paper with numbers on it.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Look here, I wrote "big laundry" and I don't even remember what the reason was. I guess I assumed I'd remember, like it was some big genius idea... Big laundry, BIG LAUNDRY! It's crazy! I'm a crazy person.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (sits bolt upright) I've got it! "Zinc foil"!
Ehh, not really evil, is it?
Phineas: You man the starboard window, I'll go portside. We'll see who spots Nosey first. (Notices Nosey behind him) I win.
Candace: I promise I'll protect you... if... I... see... the Lake Nose monster!!! Quick kid, run as fast as your little legs can carry you. Follow the train tracks north. You should hit Ackerton by sundown. Blend in, it's a college town. Get a retail job and save enough for a bus tickets to the Canadian border. Someone will get in touch with you when the coast is clear.
Phineas: Ok, try panicking and making a lot of sudden movements.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Speaking of wishes, you know what I never understood? Genies! They tell you to wish for anything you want, and then they add some terrible twist. Like you wish to jump high so he turns you into a frog. What? Why? Who gains from this? The genie? Where's the benefit? You should be fighting genies, man, not me. I'm not the problem. Genies. Genies are the problem.
Baljeet: Phineas, is your... refrigerator running?
Phineas: Uh, we don't have a refrigerator, Baljeet.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: It's time to move on to the next quadrant. Quadrant. Quadrant. Quad... It's a weird word when you think about it. Quadrant. Quaaadrant. Quad... See, now it doesn't even sound like a word.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: You were trying to escape?! After I shared my wings with you!? Well, granted, I did trap you like a monkey, but still- (Perry hits the doctor)
Captain Webber: (after he finishes his hot wings) Mmm, best hot wings in town! (snaps fingers) OK, I think I'll go for a little swim. That whole waiting-20-minutes-after-you-eat thing is a hoax! It's just so we can sell these "Kid With a Cramp" snow globes.
(he walks out into the water, then looks into his binoculars and sees Nosebud)
Candace: How are you feeling, Captain Webber?
Captain Webber: (snaps fingers) OK, thanks to you, Candace! How'd you like to be re-enstated as a lifeguard?
Candace: Wait a minute, so does a friendly, non-ferocious lake nose monster exist? Do you have proof of that, hm?
Phineas: Do we have proof? No. (Winks at Candace)
Phineas: What to do, what to do, what to do today! Any ideas, Ferb? (Ferb shrugs) How about you, Perry? Bursting with any plans?
Phineas: Some say he's just a platypus, but he might actually be thinking some profound thoughts! Just like another quiet animal I know!
pause; Ferb chatters
Major Monogram: For crying out loud, Carl, pedal faster. I need to check my email.
Bird: I sure love worms!
Phineas and Ferb look at Isabella
Squirrel: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm cute. Now, nut me!
Candace: Aw, who's a good girl? (Suzy's poodle growls) Obviously not me.
Phineas: Yeah, I see what you're saying, but you don't really have an argument. They're giving you twelve cans a day. Technically, you're not underfed.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: You like my new cage? I got it from a secondhand shark supply store. It was half off, because, you know, something bit half of it off.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: But how will people get around? They will have to buy my latest invention! It's like a car, but it can drive on the surface of water! Behold! (Takes the cover off his "invention") You like it? I call it the "Buoyancy Operated Aquatic Transport", or "BO-AT" for short.
Candace: Look, I'm getting the hang of it!
Jeremy: No Candace you just paused it... and you reset the game.
Jeremy: That's weird. Suzy trained her so well.
Candace: I see. Suzy trained her.
Candace: An animal translator?! I have had it up to here with stupid animals today. Why would you want to know what stupid animals are saying? Oh, I can tell you what they'll say. 'I'm an animal and I bite my own hiney!' 'I've got a small cranial capacity!' 'Look at me! I don't have opposable thumbs!' 'I eat with my face!' 'I sweat through my tongue!' 'I'm a furry, flea-bitten loser!' Like any other animal on this planet!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Look at me! I'm driving on water! I'm BO-ATing!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus?! How did you...? I always forget you are a semi-aquatic mammal.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: No! Don't open the Metropolitan Oval Aquatic Trench! No, no, no, no, no— oh, hey, look! It spells 'moat'!
Candace: See, Mom? They built an animal translator!
Linda: Oh, that's adorable!
Phineas: But isn't it weird that none of us know its name?
Candace: No. That's why they make smart word box for tell monkey hard brain hurty things.
Doofenshmirtz: I am a superstar! (Muffled by splashing water and flushing sounds) It won't stop flushing!
Man: Excuse me, what did you say?
Phineas: Aglets! It's that little plastic tip at the end of a shoelace.
Major Monogram: (On radio) Your halo jump is a go. Go, go, go! Jump and fall! Keep falling, and keep being a platypus. Visualize it, you're a falling plat- (Perry turns off radio)
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Did you ever had an old box of junk that's been sitting in the attic forever, and you think: "I bet I could just get rid of this whole box, and my life would go on completely unaffected of the loss of whatever would be inside like, for instance, an old forgotten video tape made in high school". Look in the box, Perry the Platypus. Always. Look. In. The box.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Well, that kind of killed the moment.
Laughing Man 1: Look, it's that idiot from the video again!
Laughing Man 2: Let's use mockery to keep him inside.
Stacy: It says here Flawless Girl founder Blanca Dishon will be at the midsummer festival in search of the next Flawless Girl!
Candace: Then maybe I should sign up! By the way, when is the midsummer festival?
Major Monogram: Oh, for crying out loud! Who put a secret entrance at the bottom of the neighbors' koi pond? Well, we'll stick some hats on them and make them agents to avoid a lawsuit.
Baljeet: Could I borrow Ferb sometime?
Candace What are you guys up to?
Phineas: Hey, Candace. We're helping Baljeet win the biggest watermelon contest.
Baljeet: I will call my family and tell them to start putting up the shame curtains.
Phineas: It hasn't taken full effect yet. You'll see.
Baljeet: So, are there Fireside Boys, too?
Baljeet: I am going to need a crane! And a new pair of pants.
Stacy: Hey, is there something different about you?
Candace: Who knows? Maybe I've grown out of my awkward phase!
Phineas: That's our sister. Our—(snickers)— big sister.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: It's a cute little trap isn't it? I got the idea at my cousin Gertrude's baby shower. (Perry looks at him disappointed about the idea) Don't judge me! Men go to baby showers these days! It was fun. Presents, blindfolded diapering...I'm sorry. I'm off topic, aren't I?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: How do you like me now, Perry the judgapus?!
Candace: I'm back to normal!
Linda: Normal being a relative term.
Baljeet: Oh well, c'est la vie. Shame curtains aren't going to hang themselves.
Phineas: So it's unanimous. Hey, where's Candace?
Linda: Candace! Where are you? What are you doing?
Candace has a few phones with her.
Woman: Herman! Are you taking a shower?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Before I was evil I was a little less than evil. I was a bratwurst street vendor.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Behold! The Hot Dog Vendor Revenge-Inator! Or;...my HDVR.....-inator. Um..., I have to work on my acronyms.
Perry: Rolls his eyes at the poor goal with Doofenshmirtz's scheme
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Don't roll your eyes at me like that! It's a good plan! Sorry to go off on you like that, Perry the Platypus, but sometimes, you just-GRR!-really push my buttons!
Man: Hey! No cutting in line.
Candace: It's my backyard, I outrank you.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: How did you escape that? (looks) A decoy?! That doesn't even make sense!
Major Monogram: So you see, Doofenshmirtz has invited you to tea. We don't know what it could possibly mean. We think, but don't hold us to this, we think that maybe, just maybe, it could be... A TRAP! We do, however, like to give people the benefit of the doubt, so try to have fun.
Phineas: For Candace, our neighborhood, and all the good gelatin left in the world!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: My beautiful fruit-flavoured monster...!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Now you can kowtow to my cretological creation! It's so corrupt... and cantankerous... and carnivorous... and uh, uh, low in calories and... cuh, cuh, cuh, couch... yeah, that's all I've got. But you're still doomed!
Phineas and Ferb are transporting away
Jenny: Would you guys like to try some of our gelatin?
Candace: I have got to reexamine my life.
Linda: Oh, there's everyone. Candace, I thought you were having your dessert party today? What are you doing at Isabella's?
Candace: I got two words for you, Mom. Gel-a-tin. I am sick of it. Sick of it. Totally sick of it. (Snorts)
Candace: Ah, yes, reading. That's what they did before they invented fun.
Grandma: I heard that!
Double-0 0: You realize this man is a platypus?
Inspector Initials: They're American, Double-0 0. Just be glad it's a mammal.
Double-0 0: What, no files, no location, no contacts, what kind of mission is this?
Major Monogram: It was enough for the mammal.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Double-0 0? Isn't that just "triple 0"?
Double-0 0: No, that's not how you say it.
Candace: They've acquired a fleet of automobiles and they're in there buying a bunch of little air fresheners for them. OR they're buying motor oil for their giant robot! What do you think Stace? Stace?
Stacy returns to Candace with multiple shopping bags under her arms, Candace crosses her arms and glares
Candace: Who is the total king of busting?
Stacy: Sherlock Holmes?
Stacy: "Boys are human beings, too. If you're interested in one of them, make him feel comfortable by asking him questions about himself." Okay, they lost me at the whole boys/human beings thing.
Candace growls as she looks out the window
Candace: Stacy, you're a genius!
Stacy: Wow, go figure! Would you call my mom and tell her that?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: And why would I need an invisibility ray you ask? Well, you know when those cute little Fireside Girls come by to sell their... their cupcakes or their... their raffle tickets or whatever, and you forgot to close your shades so they come to the front door and they can see you! They can see you right in there watching TV or whatever, and you can't pretend that you're not home because they can see you, and they have those big pleading eyes making you feel guilty, so I'm just going to shoot them with the ray so I don't have to look at them.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: You forced my hand! I have no choice but to open the trap door and release the invisible tiger! (Silence) Are you feeling any biting or scratching in there because- Ah! Ah, ow! Back, back, back! Oh! Back, you tiger! Ow! Where are you, so I can stop you with- Get back, get in there. Get back!
Buford: Eh, my schedule's flexible.
Baljeet: I used to be.
Candace: There must be some kind of sensor in the driveway. But where is it? It's gotta be here somewhere.
Kids: It's back!
Doofenshmirtz: Now, Perry the Platypus, you can never be sure where the final strike will come from. (Perry turns around) Ah, I'm an imperceptible enigma. I move in silence-- (Perry kicks him) Ow! Oh you followed the sound of my voice, maybe I should stop talk-- (Perry punches and kicks him) Ow, ow, ow! Quit it! (He knocks down a chair and rolls into the Invis-Inator's ray, causing him to become visible again) Interesting! If you're already invisible, it turns you visible again-- (Perry throws the chair at him) Ow! Oh well that came out of nowhere.
Buford: Hey! I can work the velvet rope! I never leave home without my velvet rope.
Phineas: Uh...where do you keep that?
Candace: Listen, you twerps. Sometimes your stuff messes with my stuff, and tonight I got some big stuff going on. So you leave your stuff out there and leave my stuff alone or you're gonna get some of this stuff, get it?!
Phineas: (nonchalantly, after Candace leaves) So, are we pairing the chicken entreé with the soup?
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, Perry the Platypus! You must have noticed how I reinforced the locks... but, you know, not the door. Let's just get you out of there. (tries to pull Perry out of the door) You know, you're really trapped here...just...just like I planned! Obviously.
Candace: What are we doing? Horseback riding? I just love horseback riding— oh, you stopped.
Trendy Woman: Platypus-themed restaurants are so now, so wow. We'll be lucky if we can get in.
Trendy Man: Cooooool.
Candace: It's me.
Candace: Did that guy just bribe you?
Buford: He didn't bribe me. He just caught my attention in a monetary fashion. Now, back in line!
Girlfriend: I don't even put evil on my profile anymore because it attracts so many weirdos.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Don't I know it!
Trendy Woman: Platypus themed restaurants are so 4 hours ago.
Jeremy: You know, Candace, I've had a lot of fun in your backyard, but this is the best time yet.
Candace: Mom, the remote's not working!
Linda: You know, you could walk five feet and change the channel the old-fashioned way.
Major Monogram: The new pneumatic transporter sucks. I mean, literally sucked every piece of hair off my body.
Major Monogram: Krill?
Carl: Krill is a small shrimp-like creature that plays an important role in the diet of the humpback whale.
Candace: Five feet for popcorn? Fine. Five feet to change the channel? I don't think so!
Narrator: Sadly, the sea hawk wins this battle.
Phineas: Nothing says mother's love like a giant robotic platypus butt.
Candace: Sometimes, I swear I'm the only normal one in this family.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I just insulted the macaroni and cheese recipe of a whale! What part of that is not evil? Pause of silence Perry the Platypus, you get back here and thwart me this instant!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Thwart me, Perry the Platypus.
Linda: Candace? What are you wearing?
Candace: It's... my mom suit.
Jeremy enters the backyard
Jeremy: Hey, Candace. I was just stopping by to invite you... Jeremy looks at Candace's suit for a second Jeremy: Hm... Well nice mom suit. Candace turns to Linda's directionCandace: SEE!? HE GETS IT!
Buford: And then you do this... and this... and this and this and this and this and this... and this, and this, and this and this... and then this and this... and then that!
Baljeet: I can see no educational value in this game.
Buford: (swings at Baljeet) Duck!
Candace: Wait, I just thought of something, two somethings actually. And one of them is pointy.
Major Monogram: Good morning, Agent P. I've been monitoring Doofenshmirtz's internet activity. First, we know what you're getting for Christmas. Don't ask. Our lips are sealed. It's a vase.
Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the Platypus, you are too late. Wait, is it eleven o'clock yet? (Pauses for a beat) Now! Now you are too late!
Doofenshmirtz: You see, it's hard to fight when you're in a ballgown.
Phineas: Oh, you want cheat codes? No, we don't roll like that.
Phineas: Just jump and Duck. (Candace got hit by fruits) Okay not necessarily in that order. Just choose the appropriate action that corresponds to the approaching fruit.
Candace: What does that even mean?
Candace: Hmmm, maybe they should call it Jump, Duck and Blow!
Phineas: Whoa, what happened here? Oh, that's right, Candace has her hairdryer. We'll just follow the carnage.
Phineas: I forgot we made Buford the boss. Its kind of disturbing having him try to obliterate us, but it made him so happy.
Baljeet: Oh, now I see the educational value.
Buford: Y'know, eventually, I'm gettin' outta here.
Isabella: You know what they say, the bigger they are the harder they de-pixelate.
Doofenshmirtz: Seafoam green? I'm actually more of an autumn.
Jeremy: Wow, you look beautiful. I guess you... all look beautiful. Heh.
Phineas: Thanks. We think it's part of the game.
Jeremy: Why did they call it a cotillion anyway?
Candace: Oh don't get me started.
Doofenshmirtz: (After falling on top of a girl in a beauty pageant and geting crowned the most beautiful): Oh I am honored. And at the same time humiliated, so thank you and curse you.
Phineas: And it's a striiiyiiiiyiiike! And the crowd goes wild! (shows Perry wearing a baseball cap and a foam finger while Phineas makes cheering noises)
Phineas: Yeah, it looked way outside, but then it was right in the zone. There's a lesson, baseball fans: never judge a book by its cover.
(scene flips to Candace, looking at a row of books)
Linda: Assuming none of that is teenage code for something I should be worried about as a parent, I'm off.
Phineas: I think we just stopped and/or started an alien invasion. (the spaceship begins to open slowly) I hope he's not too angry. Or hungry.
(the spaceship opens up and Meap is inside)
Candace: He talks!
Phineas: Well, more than Ferb, but 'Meap' is pretty much the only thing he says.
Phineas: We're fixing up this spaceship that belongs to our new friend Meap. Hehe, Meap. He's the most adorable thing in the world!
Isabella: Really? Are you sure there's nothing or no one that's more adorable?
Phineas: Okay, I've jerry-rigged Ferb's old GPS device to create a cute-tracker. It locks on to the cutest thing in the area, so it should lead us right to Meap! Let's see if we can get a signal. Got something!
Isabella: Oh, that's probably me. Sorry!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Looks like I rubbed you the wrong way, 'Puffy the Fuzzypus!'
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: You might ask: Why the carpet? What is he doing? What is going on? Why is he listing questions I might ask him?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Basically, my parents disowned me; I was being raised by ocelots.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: You know, it's the technical side of evil that people don't really appreciate.
Phineas: Hmm. I keep getting some kind of cute interference.
Isabella: It's me! I'm endangering the mission! I shouldn't have come.
(Buford and Baljeet are in their underpants.)
Buford: Let's never talk of this again.
Security Guard 1: Is this your doll, young lady?
Phineas: The cute signal is getting stronger.
Candace: You can't ban me from Bango-Ru conventions for life! I BAN MYSELF!
Phineas: Hmm. I'm having trouble picking up Meap's cute signal.
Isabella: Phineas, since you obviously won't figure this out on your own, I think I'm the one causing the cute interference.
Candace: (to Meap) Oh, I get it! Duh! You're trying to tell me something!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Well, I don't even need you anymore, yeah. I've got an even better best friend. He's a really good listener; he even put up with me going on about how great you were! Hah! It's clear to me now that my real best friend is Perry the Plat--oof!
(Perry punches Doofenshmirtz in the face, interrupting him.)
Mitch: Only now do you understand your grave situation. (makes voice high and squeaky) 'Hi, Mitch!' 'Look at the cool stuff, Mitch!' 'Blah, blah, blah, MITCH!'
Phineas: Ha. He totally nailed you, Ferb.
Mitch: (as Meap is beating him up) Okay, okay, I surrender! You can stop behaving in a way counter intuitive to how you superficially appear! We get it!
Candace: You're like the me of the galaxy!
Candace: AAAH! An alien monster! Get to the ship!
Meap: Um, actually, that's my Mother-In-Law, so, uh, yeah, she's correct. Let's get out of here!
Linda: All right Candace, I'm off to the grocery store, you're in charge.
Candace: Whoa-whoa-whoa wai-wai-wait, by "in charge" does that mean I'm in control of everything around here while you're gone?
Candace: No building any whosie-whatsits, or goozy-bahookas! In other words, don't be the world's most annoying brothers for one afternoon!
Phineas: Candace, we don't do this to compete. We do it for fun.
Ferb: And for the ladies. Rrrow!
Candace: Isabella! Get a tarp over that thing ASAP!
Isabella stops what she is doing.
Charlene: Alright people move it in.
Doofenshmirtz: Hey! you're not even a "Doofenshmirtz" anymore!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I-I did it. I did it! Ha ha! Who's the loser now, huh?
♪ L-O-S-E-R! Who's the loser? You are! Let's boogie! That's right! Let's boogie. ♪ The ball flies straight into Roger's hand, he tags Heinz.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (Shuddering) Ooh. I just felt a disturbance in the cup-stacking universe. I think my record's been broken.
Stacy: Hmm, that's tough. On one hand, if you go with the a-chromatic pink, it kind of says, "Hi, I'm Candace, and I'm bedraggled and pallid." Trust me, you don't want that; I've been both. But, if you go with the more saturated pink, it kind of gives you that overkill, out-to-kill, "my currency is urgency" look.
Candace: I don't want that. I've been all three.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Back story time! You see, Perry the Platypus, when I was boy my mother would never let me swim in public pools.
Doofenshirtmz looks at his mother
Heinz Doofenshmirtz's mother: (in flashback) No.
Stacy: Wait! Now! We're exactly fashionably late!
Candace: She's like catnip for boys! She's boynip!
Stacy: You're Candace Flynn!
Candace: Yeah! I'm Candace Flynn!
Baljeet walks up to Buford, holding a plate piled high with airplane peanuts
Buford: That better not be insignificant bags of peanuts!
Candace: There's been a lot of talk around here about diving and snakes and diving with snakes and snakes into pools filled with piranha and sulfuric acid—
Nicolette: I didn't say anything about sulfuric acid.
Candace: Everyone stop doing things that I'm not good at!
Stacy: I guess you forgot about that insignificant little detail.
Candace: Heh-heh, insignificant little detail, insignificant little... Phineas and Ferb! Stacy, you a genius!
(Major Monogram is giving Carl a massage)
Major Monogram: Ah, Agent P, uh... ahem. Carl and I made a bet, and, well... I lost. (Clears throat)
Phineas: I just wanted to remind everyone that the physical challenges are a little rigorous, but the rewards are inconsequential.
Phineas: If you need anything, don't bother to speak up.
Television Announcer: Buy now for only five-ninety-nine and get— (Doofenshmirtz shuts off TV, picks up phone)
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I'll take two.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: It all started with the Fruit Dehydrator. I've been eating hydrated fruit like a sucker my whole life!
Phineas: Let's meet our contestants. She's allergic to parsnips and dairy, say hello to my sister... Candace Flynn!
Candace: Oh. Uh... Hi. (waves)
Buford: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Bunions!
Candace: Wait a minute, why does he lose five—
Phineas: I'm sorry, all questions must be phrased in the form of an answer.
Stacy: You're losing right now, and losers don't have star quality. Say something.
Candace: Like what?
Phineas: Wow, a hundred points. Candace is on fire!
Candace: (muffled by bag) Woo-hoo. I'm not... really on fire, am I?
Phineas: What is...?
Candace: Teddy Bear Stuffing! (covers her mouth) Be a star... be a star Candace, c'mon be a star...
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (After being hit with Shrink-inator) Curse you-- Hey! Hey, you missed my hand. Oh, now not only am I shrunken, but I'm freakishly shrunken. Curse you Perry the Platy-- (his hand falls on him) Aw, this is kind of heavy.
Isabella: We started a bake sale...
(they all look at Holly who's face and hair are all blown up)
Carl: Excuse me, sir, I wrote my sophomore thesis on quakes and seismic events. If you want, you could check out my website.
Major Monogram: Carl, spaghetti?
Phineas: Okay, Ferb, let's test out the super-charged über nozzle.
Candace: WHAT THE HECK IS GOING— (screams as water sprays her in the face)
Candace: This is so romantic, it's like we going through to our very own tunnel of l-(After the Fireside Girls throws water balloons at the car) HORROR!
Computerized Voice: System overload. Cliché explosion imminent.
Candace: Ugh...no more peach and pumpernickel sandwiches before bed.
Candace: You have a pet beaver?
Woman: You have a pet platypus.
Phineas: Maybe we need to think bigger, and with music! Perry just loves music, remember?
(Flashback shows a chubby, yet very cute baby Perry and younger Phineas playing with a xylophone.)
Doofenshmirtz: Don't look at me like that, Perry the Platypus. I know what you're thinking. I-I'm not some lowly intern. I'm an evil scientist! I'm Heinz Doofenshmirtz, and he should be bowing down to me! (at the Regurgitator) Hey you, Mr. Regurgitator! Let's get things straight!
The Regurgitator: What?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: We did it! We did it! ¡Lo hicimos! We did it!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: So if we're enemies again, does that mean...
Perry drops Doofenshmirtz, who tumbles and stops at a throw pillow
Candace: ♪♪ I'm gonna move to the prairie,
And change my name to Larry ♪♪
Phineas: Ahoy Ferb, any sign of the great white whale?
Candace: You guys better not be talking about me!
Lawrence: When we're at sea, there's no right or left, only port and starboard.
Isabella: So which side has the restroom?
Buford: Gimme a double carmel fudge.
(Agent P spits out his hat and goes up a chute on the ice cream truck)
Candace: (imitating Lawrence) "Oh, Candace, go find us some food." (with normal voice) Yeah, like a quart of ice cream is gonna just drop out of the--(some strawberry ice cream falls on her head)
Lawrence: We may be on this island for a while.
Candace: A while?! You mean we're stranded!? That means we won't get to Jeremy's party before the sun sets! We'll be stuck here forever, eating rocks and bugs, then I'll have to marry a monkey and have monkey-kids and name them Xavier and Amanda! (She sobs)
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: That's right, run away Perry the Platy- (falls in washer) Oh dear!
Buford: What kind of fun can we have when it's rainin'?
Isabella: We could talk about our feelings.
Baljeet: Pfft, what a nerd.
said of Irving's obsession
Baljeet: Hey, somebody take a picture of me next to this dust bunny!
Doofenshmirtz: From now on, I'll be green! I'll be all the shades of green. They'll... they will call me el verde and tell my tale in Greenland.
Irving: Hey, I don't have to digitally insert myself!
Buford: Go tell it to your blog.
Phineas: It's Candace! Hey everyone, Candace is it! Everybody hide!
Doofenshmirtz: It will be so delicious to know where Perry lives! I can ring his doorbell, and run away!
Buford: C'mon, fan boy, do you want to live forever?
Irving: Is that an option?
Phineas (to Candace): How you doing, short stuff?
Candace: Who smells like fly guts?
Baljeet: I had to survive, Okay?!
Major Monogram: Good morning Agent P. We've received some disturbing calls from Doofenshmirtz.
(Recording of Doofenshmirtz's call)
Doofenshmirtz: Well, that's done. And no comeuppance! (beat) Why do I feel so empty?
Baljeet: She is, but, she's different now.
Phineas: Different how? Did she turn into a werewolf or something?
Baljeet: I do not even know what girls like!
Phineas: Isn't it, like, sugar and spice and everything nice?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, this thimble makes a perfect little chimney. I hope Perry the Platypus appreciates all of this hard work I've done.
Vanessa: (in background, walking by) He won't.
Phineas: Cue music! Classical music, very romantic. Cue rose petals. Cue...pid!
Buford: Hey, everyone, I'm wearing a diaper!
Phineas: So, do I know romance or what?
Buford: Well, that's the end of this diaper!
Doofenshmirtz: You know what, Perry the Platypus? I think it's time for you to go.
(Perry looks surprised)That's right, go on! Your services are no longer required. The lighthouse is gone, and there's nothing you can do about it. So you might as well run back to Major Monogram and tell him you lost this one.(An awkward silence as Perry uncertainly steps toward the door, looks back at Doofenshmirtz, then looks back at the door. Finally, he leaves.)
At the beginning while Baljeet is wailing loudly
Phineas: (starts to get angry) Okay, what the heck IS that sound?! Come on, Ferb. I know what we're not gonna do today. We're not gonna figure out what we are gonna do today as long as that noise keeps up!
Stacy: I dunno. Lately I've been feeling like a third wheel around you guys...
Candace: What? No! I always thought more like Jeremy and I were two wheels, and you were separate, on a unicycle, all doot doot doodle doodle oot... (carnival music, Candace mimes juggling on a unicycle)
Candace: Wait a minute! I just thought of something! Jeremy's never given me a nickname! (rummages under bed) I refer you to the chart.
Stacy: Oh, goody. The chart.
Phineas: Baljeet's house? For such a mild mannered kid, we sure wind up here for a lot of weird reasons...
Phineas: Is everything okay?
Baljeet: If by okay, you mean that my life is a meaningless, black cauldron of swirling failure, then yes,(Ferb puts earplugs back in) everything is groovy.
Baljeet: I could actually get an ehh... an ehh... an— oh, I cannot even say that terrible letter! Ineas! Erb! What am I going to do?
Phineas: Well, that was an interesting sound you were getting out of your guitar. I think you'll do just fine.
Phineas: Rock and roll isn't about books! It's about letting go and having fun! Rock and roll is a way for you to tell the world how you feel.
Baljeet: Feel about what?
Stacy: That's Coltrane? He's really cute!
Candace: Hmm, I guess he is. Hey, wait a minute... You like Coltrane!
Candace: How's it going with you and Coltrane?
Stacy: I think it's going well. He asked me to save him a dance.
Candace: Just call me "Can't-Dance Flynn."
Jeremy: (laughs) Okay, that's your new nickname.
Phineas: Well, Baljeet, if it means anything, I give you an A plus in rock.
Baljeet: No, that means almost nothing.
Linda: I need a 25 lbs. tub of mayonnaise, and 80 lbs. of potatoes to make potato salad for the bridge club.
Phineas: Wow. That's a lot of potato salad.
Baljeet: As a person of superior intellect, I require an angry wall of meat to protect my science project.
Vanessa: Wait! Dad, I can do this for you! I can go find this Pizzazium thing and prove to you that I can be responsible, that I can do things on my own! Then you can get me my own car, right?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I don't know...Are you sure you c-
Stacy: Hey, isn't Jeremy into camping?
Baljeet: And then I will start my own foundation to... Are you not hearing me?
Buford: What? Buford hungry.
Stacy: You can't expect the perfect gift to just fall out of the sky.
Candace: It's perfect! It's all futuristic-y, and cool, and it dropped out of the sky!
Phineas: Ferb, you gotta try this chair, I can't feel my brain.
Phineas: My fingers look just like snakes!
Stacy: Check it out! They do make a card for a spilled cheese dog with mustard.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I got it! I got it! I got it!
Mall Security Guard: Excuse me sir, you know you have to pay for this.
Vanessa: Well, time to find out where they dragged Dad off to. I guess that car is gonna have to wait. Oh yeah, thanks.
Vanessa kisses Ferb in the cheek. In Ferb's view, dreamy music plays as flowers fly behind him. Phineas arrives shaking
Major Monogram: Carl! You said you could draw!
Phineas: Finally! The world-famous X-ray vision glasses! (puts glasses on and looks at hand) Whoa. ...We got totally ripped off! Ferb, let me see that comic again. Aw, for cryin' out loud! 'Amazing illusion... Fool your friends... does not actually provide X-ray vision '— oh, man! This is a rip-off! It's just like that body-building course we got last summer. (Ferb instantly turns very muscled, but turns back to regular self when Phineas turns around) And I was so looking forward to looking through things.
Candace: (speaking to Perry) Get away from him! I don't want your blandness to rub off.
Candace: Leg warmers? Who wears leg warmers? Hah, I sure don't.
Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, Planty the Potted Plant!!!
Phineas: Hey, what happened to all the carrots? One minute there's a backyard full of carrots. I turn around for half a minute and; Poof! – now they're gone!
Candace: Welcome to my world.
Candace: Do you like wearing pink? (Perry chatters nervously)
Candace: Hi, Yummaney...I mean-
Stacy: Hi, Jeremy.
Jeremy: Candace, if you want to have your spa day, it's all right with me.
Candace: You heard "spa day"? Because I said "hurrah day". Like, hurrah, I can't wait to build houses!'
Jeremy: Cool beans. I'll let you get back to it.
Candace: Yeah! Cool beans! Cool legumes! (hits nail with hammer)
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: No, look what you did to the moon! It's huge! It's, uh... it's actually kinda pretty!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I call him Mister Fluffypants, you know, he's fluffy, he looks like he's got pants, plus he reminds me of my my uncle Fluffypants who... actually never wore any pants, uh, come to think of it, I don't know why we called him that!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (to Perry) I just love giving people nicknames. For instance, you're Mr. Duck-Bill Face. And Major Monogram, I call him "Monobrow". (laughs) That's a good one, you know, because he's... He's got the one, you know? And his little friend, the intern, is "Dr. Coconut." ... Yeah. Sometimes, I wish I didn't know so much.
Stacy: Okay, you can stop that right now. You're starting to sound like one of those TV shows we like to make fun of.
Candace: But Stacy...
Buford is seen in a hot tub
Buford: It's not plugged in.
Candace: A backyard spa? You guys are so bus— (Stacy shoots her a look) Yeah. That sounds great.
The ray from the Eraseinator zaps Phineas and Ferb's spa, causing it to disappear; Linda walks in.
Linda: Candace? Stacy? What are you doing?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I'm gonna have to do the right thing here, aren't I? Fine, here you go.
Future Candace: (on the phone) Oh Stacy, every job has its problems. But there's gotta be an upside to being president of Uruguay. No, huh. Me? I'm fine, the kids are fine. Xavier and Fred are in the backyard with young Phineas and Ferb. YOUNG Phineas and Ferb? Gotta go, Stacy. Good luck with that llama legislation.
Phineas: So, what are you guys gonna make this summer? How about... bumper cars that move in five dimensions?
Xavier: Oh yeah. Okay, we'll do that.
Future Major Monogram: Agent P, another failed mission. It's gotten really hard to defeat Doofenshmirtz ever since we swore that oath to obey him.
Future Carl: Major Monogram, I've detected a temporal anomaly in quadrant four which means a time machine was recently used there.
Past Phineas: Candace! You're grown up! And there's two of you!
Past Phineas: Shouldn't the Candace from the bad future cease to exist too?
Bad Future Candace: Oh darn.
(Future Candace explains her predicament)
Past Phineas: Ferb, isn't there an old time machine in the museum of natural history?
Future Linda: Candace! You're so young!
Past Candace: Mom! You're sooo...
Amanda: So that's Uncle Phineas and Ferb as kids.
Future Candace: That's right.
Past Candace: Oh man! In twenty years you guys are so busted! I guess that's a hollow victory... But I proves that you can be busted, so I'm never gonna give up! Never, never, never! Did I say, "Never?!" Oh, yes I did! Never, never, never! Never! NEVER! NEVER!!!!
Past Ferb: Well... at least we know she mellows with age.
Baljeet: You got to hang out with dinosaurs?
Phineas: Yeah, earlier this summer.
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Hold on, I gotta go back a bit— your name is Francis?
Major Monogram: Yes, spelled with an I.
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: When I was a boy, my parents would never let me watch music videos.
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Wait, you're getting paid for this? I have to do this for community service! I gotta do like, 200 hours!
Major Monogram: This show is only half an hour long.
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Don't go away, folks. When we come back we'll have the FINAL FOUR!
Pauses and holds up three fingers. Realizes his mistake and holds up four. Crowd laughs.
Major Monogram: Say good night, Doofenshmirtz!
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: You know, some day I will get out of this cage but your name will still be Francis.
Phineas: Look at what that bubble is doing to my face. (Laughs) You make me laugh out loud, bubble.
Baljeet: You know how you told me to seize the day? Consider it seized.
Phineas: That's not what I meant.
Baljeet: I am going to miss my polka recital!
Buford: I've heard it. It's a small loss.
Phineas: We're at the mercy of the breeze.
Baljeet: Sure, when you say it like that, it sounds relaxing.
Gretchen: With our angle of descent, leaning will be ineffectual!
The group lets out a collective "What?"
Phineas: Baljeet, you totally saved us.
Baljeet: When in danger, I always hyperventilate.
Baljeet: You know, this whole "relaxing" thing is... relaxing.
Isabella: So, did you guys decide what patch to get today? Cause I have a suggestion!
Adyson: Let me guess, the "Let's Help Phineas and Ferb" patch?
Isabella: Okay, Phineas. (Asking the Fireside Girls) Oh my gosh!? What did he say? What does he need? (Sigh) I was in Phineasland again.
Milly: (Looks at Ginger putting a patch on her sash) What's that patch for?
Ginger: It's the "I Just Saw A Cute Boy" patch.
Professor Poofenplotz: (Singing) It's important to look your very best when you're doing your very worst... And by that I mean evil...
The Guru: Don't fret, my pet. There happens to be one sole maracanut tree left in existence. It's at the old abandoned Old Abandoned Amusement Park over on the next hill.
Isabella: Did you just say the Old Abandoned Old Abandoned Amusement Park?
Isabella: Fireside Girls, report!
Katie: Nothing up here, captain!
Isabella: Stickiness is the most underrated of all the -nesses.
Isabella: So let's procure the sap for Phineas!
Fireside Girls: Yay, Phineas!
Isabella: Hey, Phineas! We got the sap you guys needed.
Isabella hands Phineas the beaker of sap.
Ferb: So, how about that airline food?
Candace: He just broke our date AND hung up on me. Oh, it's probably not as bad as I think. Let's see what Quazmo has to say about it. (looks at the magazine and finds something shocking and starts whimpering)
Phineas: The last card. You do the honors, Ferb.
Major Monogram: (while clips of bad deeds done by Agent P are shown) Agent P, um.. well, due to your reprehensible behavior over the past few days, which I still barely believe is even possible from an agent of your caliber, who's been nothing but the best in his field, (shows clip of Agent P eating cereal) I... actually don't know what was particularly bad about this clip here, but we have no choice but—
Carl: Why, why'd you do it?
Candace: Now don't try anything funny!
Phineas: Candace has a great sense of humor. Remember the time she got her face caught in the sink?
Baljeet: So, little Jeet, I hear you went to New Delhi. And did you try the chicken club?
Baljeet's Dummy: Wow. That's really what you're going with? You know, just do the water drinking bit.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: You see it occurred to me that what I really should be doing is fighting fire with fire. And by fire, I mean Perry the Platypus, and by fire, I ALSO mean Perry the Platypus. It occurred to me while I was on fire.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: ...and say aloha to Jerry the Platypus... (shows distorted Perry lookalike) Yeah, he was the first one out of the batch, but you know, he was so cute, I couldn't bear to- (Jerry hits Doofenshmirtz with the pipe he was drooling on) Ow! Ow! No, no Jerry you cannot hit people, you do not- (Jerry hits him again) No, use your words Jerry!
Buford: (as Broccoli Top) I'm gonna do some prop comedy for you, and you're gonna like it! Okay, what have we got? (reaches into the box and gets a house) Here's a...here's a house! For, uh...I don't know. A mouse or something. (drops and breaks house; gets a book from his box) Here's a book! Hey, what am I...what am I supposed to do? Read? (throws book) Next! All right, let's see what else we've got! Um, and here's, uh, um... (gets out an oyster shell) An oyster shell! Look! My...my mom went to a seafood restaurant...I don't have any...it's just...to me, it's just interesting. I'll put that one back in the box. (puts shell back in box) What else we got? Oh here we go! Look! (pulls out Baljeet) A nerd to go with the book!
Baljeet: I am in both acts!
Candace: Say, aren't you the dummy from the club?
Baljeet and his dummy look at each other.
Candace: Oh, would you look at this? If I wasn't so depressed, my brothers would be so busted!
Candace: (At computer screen) No, you've exceeded your login attempts!
Candace: Who puts a picture frame on a window?
Stanky Dog: That's right, unless you've had your head stickin' out of a window, you'll know that the tickets just went on sale and sold out in 13 seconds flat!
Candace: Is all that really necessary?
Candace: Alligator, you're going down!
Phineas: Sigan sentados, por favor. (Remain seated, please.)
Candace: Are you speaking Spani--(Screams)
Baljeet: Do you find it as curious as I do that your menu has not changed since you opened in 1929?
Jeremy: I know. It's awesome, right. It's our motto - "Slushy Dawgs will never get any better."
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: See? I saved you a spot, right there, see? It says "Save for Perry". Of course, it was a bigger spot before I wrote "Save for Perry" on it...
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: You heard of the internet?! Well, this is just a net. But you're caught!
Jeremy: Hey, Candace. I see you've sent me some pictures. I can't wait to take a look when I take my break.
Candace Yeah! (after Jeremy leaves) No!
Candace: I'm going to et-gay the one-phay.
Stacy: Ugh, you KNOW I don't speak Spanish.
Candace: Stacy, we've got to get Mom up here so she can see what the boys are doing. Keep throwing food out the window!
Baljeet: (excited) YES!! This thing is definitely a thing! What is this thing?
The Re-tire-inator lands on Dr. Doofenshmirtz's good foot
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Ow! Oh, my good foot! Ow! Oh, my bad foot! Oh, my good foot again! Now my bad foot! Ow, this is really a vicious cycle!
Candace: Dad! Dad! Wait! Dad, is that the box from my room?
Lawrence: Why, yes. Um-
Vanessa: Dad, what are you doing here? This isn't your weekend.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Yes, yes I know, but I have a surprise for you and I just couldn't wait!
Carl: Sir, Agent P is here.
Major Monogram: I can see that, Carl. Now, get back in that corner until I say you can get up. There's still 15 minutes left on the clock.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Remember how you said if I got you a little Mary McGuffin doll, I'd be the world's greatest dad?
Vanessa: Yeah, when I was like seven.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: You know, I may be an evil scientist, but it doesn't take a degree purchased from the internet with your ex-wife's money to know how special and important you are to me!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Well, I'd better run. I bought a used "inator" today at a garage sale and it's missing one small part.
Vanessa: Really, what does it do?
Phineas: Piece of cake.
Pause. Ferb hands him a piece of cake.
Doofenshmirtz: Time to find out what this bad boy can do! Flicks switch on On!
Lid of Perry's cage opens and Perry climbs out and stands beside Doofenshmirtz
Phineas: The sun beat down on the city like a hammer, a relentless hot beating hammer hammering down like a big metaphor that was... hot, for some reason.
Candace:(Interrupting Phineas) Stop with the narration and start finding my doll!
Phineas: For an average Joe, he gave us an above-average clue. Our next step was clear.
Lawrence: Who is he talking to?
Vanessa : Wait! Sam, I want to recant a portion of my mother's charitable donation!
Charlene: Are you with the census?
Phineas: No, ma'am, today we're detectives.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, man, how many different kinds of on/off switches can there be? I mean, look at this. An octagon? And one shaped like the Statue of Liberty? That doesn't even make sense. Oh, and here's one. The exact same size and shape that I'm looking for except it's upside-down. I mean, the words are actually printed upside-down. What kind of a dummkopf would invent an upside-down... switch...that... (Pauses, sighs, and flips the switch so that it's right-side-up.) I did it!
Candace: Oh, forget it. I guess I'm too old for dolls anyway.
Vanessa: Yeah, maybe I don't really have to have the one object my dad spent years to find in order to show me his affection.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (talking to Vanessa on the phone) So you just took it from the little girl and left her there crying? Wow, that is evil! Honey, I am so proud of you! It felt good didn't it? Yeah, we can build on this.
Lawrence: Honey, are you aware the boys have turned the entire garage upside down looking for Ferb's skateboard?
Linda: (not understanding that her husband means it literally) As long as they clean up after!
Lawrence: Oh, just a minute. Does that skateboard have a Union Jack on the bottom?
Phineas: That's the one!
Phineas: Ferb, you must have left your skateboard in England the last time we were there. I know! We could create a highly intricate and sophisticated machine that will transport any object from anywhere on the globe to our backyard!
Lawrence: Well, why don't you just build a new skateboard?
Phineas: Oops! (inserts another picture and presses button) I forgot to install the Fly Filter. Better try that again...
(Buford and the fly get separated)
Phineas: Sorry, Buford. Are you all right?
Buford: Teddy Boo-Boo! Where have you been?! You bad bear! I bet you've been on the road again, haven't you? Well, you're grounded, Mister! Oh, I love you!
Candace: What do I do, Mrs. Garcia-Shapiro? Every time I try to show my mom something it always disappears. What do you think I should do?
Vivian: Eat! You're too thin! Have a matza burrito.
Candace: Wait a minute! The photo transporter! All I have to do is put my mom's photo in the machine, then she'll be transported right to the boys, right?
Phineas: Has everyone get a chance to use the machine?
Buford: Yeah, I found my teddy bear!
Buford: Nerd ain't no piñata!
Jeremy: (After watching Ferb's dancing) There's no way I'm going to be able to learn that by tonight.
Doofenshmirtz:Um, I think we made too much potato salad, Norm. I guess we'll have to give everyone a 2-ton take-home container. And I still think you should have added more green onions.
Norm: Well next time you can do all the cooking and I'll stand around coming up with evil plans that ultimately fail.
Dr. Bloodpudding : Alright Heinz, where's the press?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Patience Dr. Bloodpudding, they'll be here. When have I ever let you guys down?
On the subject of the potato salad
Rodney: And we do seem to have a surplus of that. Did you expect everyone to lug home two-ton take home bags?
Rodney: See this? It's my hand. You can talk to it.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: All right. Hey, hand. My evil dancing's better than yours. It's like you're stuck in a canoe but you've got no oars. See you on the dance floor!
A bee starts buzzing around Ferb, who flails his arms to shoo it away. On stage, Jeremy does the same.
Random Guy: Oh man, that guy is awesome!
Jeremy pulls out the electronic exoskeleton he was using during the show. Candace shrieks, and the audience gasp in horror.
Stacy: That's kind of disturbing.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: They should have called it "Let's All Dance Until We're In Intensive Care".
Doofenshmirtz: Oddly enough, she did become a pop star and... I'm still struggling with the whole Tri-State Area thing, but the dream's still alive.
Phineas: Ask/bust us what?
Linda: Do you mind telling me what this is and why you built it in our front yard?
Doofenshmirtz: See, Perry the Platypus, my new jet rocket skiff has more hidden traps than... (Snaps fingers) Um, uh—What's something with a lot of hidden traps? Huh, wow, I felt so confident going into that sentence.
Doofenshmirtz: You know, Perry the Platypus, I just...a golf course! A golf course has lots of traps! That's what I should have said.
Perry and Doofenshmirtz are flying over Paris.
Doofenshmirtz: "PIERRE! (Hides and laughs) Did anyone look? I bet, like, half the people down there were looking around like: (French accent) "Who called my name?" (Laughs)
Phineas: Wow, two anti-romance rockets falling in love...
Buford: That's what I call ironing.
Linda: There. Tell me that's not terrifying!
(Candace dances while singing repeatedly "It's a busting feeding frenzy, stay outta the water!")
Candace: (dances while singing) It's a busting feeding frenzy, stay outta the water! It's a busting feeding frenzy, stay outta the water! It's a busting feeding frenzy, stay outta the water!
Linda: Wait...But...Candace, where did that thing go?
Carl: (imitating Major Monogram) Ah, Agent P. Dr. Doofenshmirtz has been buying up seedlings for the past few weeks, and now he's up and about in his blimp. This could be--
Major Monogram: (clearing throat) Carl?
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, Perry the Platypus. You landed in my fertilizer trap. Look at you. You've "potting soiled" yourself.
Baljeet to Buford: Why is the water always so warm next to you?
Baljeet: You can get your Underwater Equestrian Patch!
Phineas: Look at this! It's a doorway with ancient runes telling us how to open it.
Buford: Forget that! Step aside!
Baljeet: We are so privileged to be in this strange and beautiful place. To think that the greatest minds in history have been searching for Atlantis for thousands of years.
Buford: Those guys are punks.
Doofenshmirtz: You see, Perry the Platypus? Your efforts to stop me have been fruitless. Fruitless? You like that? That's a good one. Next time you'll "leaf" me alone! Yes, Perry the Platypus, I sure can be a fun(g) guy. Get it? Fungi? Plural of fungus? Eheheh... Yeah...
Candace: Again, let's assume there is a Santa Claus. He's got it easy. The hard part is trying to figure out what to get people when they don't write you a letter telling you exactly what they want most. And by people; I mean Jeremy, And by you; I mean me. And.. uh... No, the rest is pretty much literal.
Phineas: You know Ferb, just think of all of the wonderful things Santa does for us. And he never asks for anything in return. Wait, that's it! Ferb, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
(Ferb hands Phineas a blueprint)
Frosty: Hello! Winter time's fun! Follow me! Come on, follow me! (walks away)
Frosty: Plow! (screams and loud crash, carrot rolls to Perry)
Major Monogram: Carl! Stop filming your butt!
(Carl points camera at Monogram's rear)
Buford: Cool clubhouse.
Phineas: Oh, no. This is not how you would say a "clubhouse". This is the ultimate rest and relaxation lounge, perfectly tailored to the jolly, rubenesque world traveler. (Awkward pause) It's a rest stop for Santa.
Phineas: Remember when you wrote letters to Santa asking for presents?
Isabella, Buford, and Baljeet: Yes.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: What sort of plan is that, anyway? 'Let's go over to a stranger's house and, in song form, refuse to leave unless he hands over a food dish no one's prepared since the 16th century! Well, if that's how things are, I have my reasons to push this button. So long, Christmas, you're Feliz Navi-dead to me! (Pushes button) (chuckles) See? Uh, it was Spanish'
(Out in space the satellite reads the naughty and sends it to the North Pole)
Blay'n: What do we have here? Oh! Tsk! Tsk!
After Doofenshirtz fires the Naughty-inator and the skies turn grey, Candace notices and points it out to Phineas and Ferb.
Phineas: Whoa. Is it me, or does the sky look really dark and ominous, as if it's foreshadowing events which will have a negative impact on our lives?
Isabella: So, what? Are you just going to stay here for the rest of your life?
Phineas: Why not?
Baljeet: All I want is one sweet, special Christmas kiss under the mistletoe.
Buford: (slides off bed) I'm outta here.
Josh: (after finishing their carol) Come on, guy! Let's do: "But it's Christmas, Becky!"
Becky: You've GOTTA get over me, Josh!
(the kids have just finished performing Danville for Niceness)
Isabella: What do you think the chances are someone at the North Pole saw it?
Phineas: What about you, Isabella? Isn't there some big Christmas wish that you're afraid will never come true?
Isabella: (excited) Oh, um... We don't celebrate Christmas, but I got the coolest gifts for Hanukkah! Eight straight days of dreams come true! (pauses, realizing her mistake) I mean, I'm with you guys. Boo, no Christmas.
Carolers: ♪♪ We won't go until we get some, we won't go until we get some, we won't go until we get some, it's the principle of the thing♪♪
Doofenshmirtz: Uh... hey, guys... look, don't hate me, but I went into the kitchen to get some almond brittle —love it!— and lo and behold, it turns out I did have figgy pudding... quite a bit, actually. I guess this whole thing was pretty easily resolved. I feel kind of sheepish about making such big deal, anyway... Here— figgy pudding! (hands to the carolers)
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, I get it, a taste of my own medicine, right?. Oh and the bird. It doesn't even work! And a partridge on an evil scientist! See, there's no play on words! You—you're not clever! (After Agent P leaves) Oh, I hate Christmas. Yes, I hate Christmas! Woohoo! This is the best Christmas ever!
Candace: Ah! Jeremy! I was just coming to see you.
After Perry makes another Frosty come alive
Frosty: Hello! Winter time's fun! Follow me!
Linda: I hate the idea of someone cutting a hole in my nice wall.
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, no, Roger, it is I who will be serving you. (closes his car door, but it opens again. He closes it a second time and the same results occur. This happens a third time, before he gives an annoyed facial expression to the audience) OK, push up and... (successfully closes his car door, then hears the engine idling) Those are my keys, aren't they?
(Perry sees the bobble-head version of himself and gives Doofenshmirtz a look)
Doofenshmirtz: I-it's an arts-and-crafts project! I have a life outside of you.
Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, Perry the Bobble-head!
Baljeet: AAH!! You can build a roller coaster in a day, but it takes you twelve minutes to pump up a tire?!
(the orb presses against Baljeet, causing the entire gang to be able to avoid being run over by the incoming steamroller)
Did anyone else just see the inside of a steamroller?
Linda: And just because I won't let you get pink hair, you don't have to wear some weird door. The trends these days.
Buford: I'd wear a door! Heck, I'd even wear a window if it fit!
Phineas: Well, Ferb. Looks like everything worked out for everyone today.
Doofenshmirtz: I can't believe nothing worked out for me today.
Orville Wilkins: Hey, look at that! A pumpless pumptrolly!
Wilbur Wilkins: Now that's old school.
Phineas: Where are you going next?
Tiana: The Galapagos. We leave tomorrow.
Candace: They're going to build some sort of wedding rocket to the moon! Or a Lawn Gnome Beach Party of Taffeta!
Aunt Tiana: Well, you steer the boys in the right direction. And have fun, okay?
Major Monogram: This has Doofenshmirtz written all over it. (a picture of Doofenshmirtz, signed many times, appears on the screen) We have no idea why he signed it that many times.
Phineas: Referring to Candace Wow, she's good. I've got to have her plan my wedding. Ferb, make a note.
Isabella: I got it!
Candace: Why would I want my cake in a vase? Oh, you're the florist, not the baker.
Doofenshmirtz: (annoyed, waits for the elevator to stop on his floor, as it continues to stop on every individual floor. He finally gets to his floor and into his home, seeing Perry reading a magazine.) You could've at least gotten into your trap. It's on the table. Look, I appreciate you trying to mix it up, but I have a schedule to keep. Ready? Behold: The Junk-Food-Inator! It uses high-fructose corn syrup and highly carbonated coconut oil to turn any kind of vegetables into toasty, warm junk food! And I will be the only one left eating decent, healthy foods, like these delicious broccolis. (eats broccoli) The only problem is, I'm not quite used to the taste. I'm used to eating the-the junk. (dips broccoli into containers) I'll just dip it in here. (eats) Oh, this is much better! I could eat this all day! I can feel myself getting healthier!
Linda's phone rings, she picks it up. Candace, on the other end, is screaming hysterically. Linda hangs up and turns to Tiana.
Linda: So, are you and Bob thinking of having kids?
Candace: Look at this cake! It has a chicken in it!
Perry chatters then Doofenshmirtz wakes up.
Doofenshmirtz: Wait, what, who am I? Oh, it's me! Perry the Platypus, how did you free yourself?
Candace: How many times have I told you to keep Perry out of my way while I'm balancing eggs on a spoon?
Phineas: Um... never?
Candace: Dad, those trophies are lame. Last place? Nice try?
Lawrence: Oh, come on! What about this one? First place--
Lawrence: Ooh, I get the feeling I wasn't supposed to have seen that...
Major Monogram: Wait a minute. You anticipated a specific situation like this?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: And by inopportune, I mean completely opportune!
Doofenshmirtz: But don't you want to know why I want to destroy the adult's diaper factory? There's a terrific back-story! (pause) You know, this is going to be a back-story too, someday!
Phineas: Ladies and girls, I give you... the Pep Squad Mobile!
Fireside Girls: Go Candace!
Phineas: Excuse me, sir, could you stand up and sit right back down?
Man: I... suppose. (does what is asked; the crowd does the wave)
Carl: (shaking Perry's hand) Nice work, Agent—
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (quickly) Curse you Perry the Platypus even though you weren't a part of this scheme whatsoever!
Balthazar: (pointing at Perry) Hey, don't I know you from somewhere?
Major Monogram: Carl, we've gotta fire up the memory eraser again!
Candace: (talking to her Jeremy statue) It's you! (picks up phone) Hello, Jeremy!
Jeremy: Hi, Candace. I was wondering if you could do me a favor?
Major Monogram: Agent P, we're getting very suspicious about Doofenshmirtz. He hasn't ordered any bulk items off the Internet lately. Get over there, and put a start to it!
Major Monogram: Carl, you disgust and fascinate me.
Phineas: What's that grinding sound?
Buford: Tuff Gum! Like the song says...
Doofenshmirtz: (referring to carbon paper) I always thought that was going to come back. Shame.
Suzy: So, Candace, are you ready to have some fun?
Candace: N-n-n-no. I'm good. I hate fun.
Suzy: Oh, no. Making you look bad is one of the ways I control Jeremy. When he's not here, I'm off the clock.
Candace: I have so much to learn.
Buford: Tough guys don't drop stuff. TUFF GUM!
Linda: Phineas? You sound just like Candace. I mean, you sound like you but the things you're saying sound...
Phineas: Hurry up, you gotta see it.
Isabella: Better eighty-six the gum. It's a choking hazard.
Buford: Oh, all right. (pulls gum out of mouth and sticks it on faucet) But I'll be back for that bad boy!
Mr. Banana Manager: Congratulations, you are now an official driver for the Mr. Banana company. (Perry drives off) Man, that is so funny. I literally just wrote a song about a platypus driving a banana truck...(looks around) Hmm? Hmm? Wait! My demo!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Okay, see, this is why I hate nature. It always gets stuck to the bottom of your foot.
Farmer's Wife: I can't believe it. You walk away from a profitable miniature golf course franchise to open up a spring water bottling plant in the middle of downtown. What, did you expect a mountain spring to just fall out of the sky?
Phineas and Ferb's replica of Niagara Falls falls behind the shop
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Okay, we'll try this again. Blah, blah, blah, carbon footprint!
Candace: Don't you have anything to say?
Suzy: Results may vary?
Candace: It's a universal law, just like no wearing white after Labor Day.
Norm: Why must I be alone?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I dunno, why are raspberry icicle pops blue?
Carl: But wait listen to this. It's a seemingly innocent voice recording of Phineas.
Phineas: Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today.
Carl: So who is Agent G, sir?
Major Monogram: Gary the Gander? Oh, that's just a wild goose chase!
Carl: So, I hear that you're the math genius behind the operation.
Baljeet: Oh, no-no-no-no. Phineas and Ferb's blueprint was already brilliant. I made a minor modification.
Talk Show Host: Hey, buddy, you forgot your pixelation!
Major Monogram: Carl! Carl! Oh no, they must be torturing that poor kid. Don't worry little unpaid intern, help is on the way!
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, motor vehicle code!
Major Monogram: What the— Agent G? On an extended vacation, hmm? Well, Agent P deserves a vacation more than you do. He deserves one but evil never rests SO we'll see you tomorrow, Agent P!
(Monogram salutes, but Perry keeps staring at him without doing anything)
Phineas: I know what we're going to do instead!
Farmer's Wife: I can't believe you started a monkey basketball team, and only bought one monkey.
Doofenshmirtz hits the monkey with the duplic-8-inator
Doofenshmirtz falls on the Perry balloon of the parade
Doofenshmirtz: A platypus balloon?
Baljeet: Thank you!
Balloon Man: No. Thank YOU, vegetable samosa.
Pharaoh Guy: Excuse me, are you Candace Gertrude Flynn?
Amanda: Doctor, your head is attached! You're human again!
Dr. Abanathy: Yes, and once Dr. Zachary returns from heading in to those dark, ominous woods alone, with his not fully charged flashlight, you will be too... Amanda.
Candace: Oh, how cute. Ferb's torso is so tiny.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, hello, you must be here about the ad. Well, come on in, it's right over here. Behold, the Wrapped-Up-In-A-Nice-Little-Bow-Inator!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz:... and you can also use it to hang your clothes on. Just like a treadmill! So, although the offer said 'firm', I am flexible, so... make me an offer!
Candace: I stalked "Ferb" all day!
Phineas: Мy brother's an alien? How cool is that!
Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, Perry the —! (spits out a chair) ...Why did I ever order such a large bedroom set?
Linda: I want you to pick up some nice back-to-school clothes. they walk into the store and come right back out
Wow. That was fast.
Phineas: (Referring to kiddie ride) You know in retrospect I may have over-romanticized those memories. But I'll bet, with a little effort and some unstable uranium isotopes, we can make them that much fun!
Major Monogram: I don't smell too bad, do I?
Carl: I can't smell a thing.
Major Monogram: Dr. Doofenshmirtz has been buying up every can of aerosol deodorant in the Tri-State Area, and I'm starting to smell like a science-fiction convention.
Doofenshmirtz: I just called in a to-go order for Doofenshmirtz.
Diner Worker: Hey Vic! You got an order for Doofieberg?
Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the Platypus, how predictable. And by 'predictable', I mean completely... um... dictable, I guess.
Doofenshmirtz: I need a little drink of water after a tirade like that.
Candace: Ah, GlossTacular lipstick. Now I can blow up a bounce house and my lips would still be shiny!
Phineas: Isabella, we need you to get us an aerial view!
Isabella: Sure, Phineas! (soars upward) Whee!
Baljeet: Oh, my friends. I seem to have run out of fuel.
Phineas: No, you're not, Baljeet. Just put in another quarter!
Doofenshmirtz: Ah, water. It's like drinking wet air.
Isabella: Wow! She just flew through a barn and her lips are still shiny!
Doofenshmirtz: Hey, hey! I'm gonna crush you with my big mechanical hand!
Doofenshmirtz: ...but I've got you now! (Candace flies through, destroying his mechanical hand) Wow. Nostradamus was right.
(1st Version) Doofenshmirtz: Oh nice... nice one. Catch the villain in his own trap. That's not ironic Perry the platypus, it's...it's cliché, that's what it is. It's just plain lazy on your part.
(2nd Version) Doofenshmirtz: Ow! You know, I don't come to your house and--Wait, these don't have any chlorofluorocarbons in them at all. These aerosol cans are completley harmless! Wh-what was I thinking?!
Phineas: Well, that was fun. Maybe tomorrow we can soup up our old bikes.
Lawrence: Hello boys, are you ready for your Space Thrills marathon?
Phineas: Dad, it's called Space Adventure. It's an adventure in space.
Irving: Time for a makeover!
(Baljeet and Buford squeal like little girls)
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (playing with his train set) Full steam ahead! Chug-a-chug-a chug-a-chug-a choo-choo! Oh hey there, is that the Doofenshmirtz choo-choo? NO IT'S NOT! (slams his fist on the table) You will all be late for your jobs and be fired. (laughs)
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Look, even scale model litter! Shaaaaaameful.
Young Doofenshmirtz: Father, may I play with my trains now?
Doofenshmirtz's Father: Nein! (German for "No!")
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: The Shrink-inator ray is for the shrinking, the box is for holding the shrunken treasures, and the bicarbonate of soda is for my motion sickness.
Baljeet: Ah, we are ready. (he and Buford are both dressed as Phineas)
Irving: WHAT?! No! No no no, you can't BOTH be Phineas!
Albert: I thought you were pulling my leg, but this is remarkable!
Irving: Really? You're buying it?
Baljeet: (Acting as Phineas) Hi, I think we know what we are doing today.
Buford: (Acting as Ferb) Hello, I'm from England and I don't talk much.
Albert: The simplicity of the design enhances its innovation.
Irving: Really? The simplicity of the design? Ok.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: You know the saying: honk if you love evil!
Buford: I can't believe we tricked the untrickable.
Irving: I am at a loss for words, dude.
Irving: (with increasing irritation) So, your super-senses weren't tingling when - oh, I don't know - Ferb had eyes in his mouth?! Didn't that give you a moment of pause? A scintilla of doubt?!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (inside Perry's fedora) Hey, this place is nicer than my first apartment!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: So, let me guess, Mr. Goody Two-Shoes, we're gonna return all of the things I shrank, huh? (sighs) Even the Roman Small-oseum? Hey, I finally figured that one out, huh? (Perry punches himself on the head to make Doofenshmirtz stop talking) OW! CURSE YOU, PERRY THE PLATYPUS!
As he walks by a dismayed Candace
Buford: You've inspired me: I'm growing out my bangs.
Baljeet: It is called "spinning tops."
In reference to his newest machine.
Doofenshmirtz: It may be small, but it's stronger and smarter than Norm, and it's so much more efficient!
Candace drags a Linda-dummy into the yard
Candace: Mom, mom! Phineas and Ferb have built outer space in our backyard!
Norm: Now I know I have a heart, because it's breaking.
Linda: Well, I've got a few seconds to kill before my bladder bursts like a water balloon.
Doofenshmirtz's Mecha: Doofenshmirtz. Your pathetic schemes have always failed. Now, step aside and let the true master take over.
Doofenshmirtz: *gasp* He CAN Talk!
Doofenshmirtz's Mecha: Prepare to meet your maker, Maker!
Doofenshmirtz: (as the Mecha shoots at him) I'm feeling such an odd mixture of pride and mortal terror.
Norm: Don't you remember? I run on squirrel power!
Norm reveals a squirrel on his insides that is powering him.
Jenny: I lied about the persimmon.
Stacy and Jenny continues to explain to mom at the same time but struggling
Carl: Ouch, you totally got sniped.
Major Monogram: CARL!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: It's just, I'm used to doing all the talking with my nemesis. He's a platypus.
Jeremy: Hey! My friends have a pet platypus.
Isabella: There's no way we can catch him. He moves too fast, maybe we should just give up?
Ferb: Give up?!? Give up?!? The day may come when we'll give up on fruitless searches after a mere eleven minutes, but that day is not today! The day may come when our favorite reptile may be lost from our memories and his enduring love of mushrooms forgotten, but that day is not today! Today we search! We will search for him in the streets, we will search for him in the trenches, we will search for him in the alleys and the mini-malls and the cul-de-sacs of this fair land. We'll search for him in the multilevel car parks and municipal recreational facilities. And we few. We happy few. We small band of brothers — and girl from across the street. We shall not cease 'til he is found!
All the Steves: What!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, Perry the Platypus! (breaks the guitar.)
Jeremy: Um, do you want to pay by cash or check?
Major Monogram: You don't mind me going on about this, do you?.
Jeremy: Hey man, I charge by the hour, so knock yourself out.
Doofenshmirtz: By default! My favorite way to win!
Doofenshmirtz: I'm gonna call you Balloony II.
Phineas: Here it is. The Phineas-and-Ferb-edge-of-insanity-kiss-your-butt-goodbye-gravity's-a-stone-cold-sucker-nightmare-rail-skate-track-obstacle-course of doom!
Phineas: You know, it occurs to me we could get hurt. I suppose the "of doom" in the name should have tipped us off.
Phineas: Well, we decided we still need to make a few tweaks and adjustments so we can you know, survive and stuff.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: And remember, Doof you, Doof me, Doof us! I'm Heinz Doofenshmirtz and I approve this evil message.
Phineas: We have to blur the line between skateboard and skateboarder. We can combine dirt biking, ATV racing, in-line skating, street luge, motorized scooters, and Bulgarian folk dancing. Of course, all this extreme fun requires extreme safety: shoulder pads, goggles, gloves, Bulgarian folk athletic supporters, and rocket boosters, razor wire, grappling hooks, and laser blaster. Then we lock it all together with an indestructible titanium exoskeleton that increases strength, jumping ability, and other physical attributes 100 times, including the senses and folk dancing ability. (Record scratches as Ferb looks at Phineas suspiciously.) What, you think we should have more Bulgarian-folk-related elements? (Ferb rolls his eyes and strengthens the intensity of the glare.) Oh, less! Less Bulgar— okay. Wow, I thought we were on the same page, but no, it's cool. Whatever.
Baljeet: Ahh! This is so much worse than hitting the ground!
Candace: It's always, "Candace, I'm shopping." "Candace, I'm having root canal surgery." "Candace, I'm deliberating with a sequestered jury. How'd you even get in here?" Then by- Oh, look, a flying man. Wait a second! Isn't that impossible? Wait another second! Something impossible plus that thing existing in real life equals (gasp) Phineas and Ferb!
Phineas: The suit makes cleanup fast, fun, and 'ficient!
Phineas: A superhero? That's not at all what we planned to do today.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz talking to his brother in the phone.
Doofenshmirtz: Me? In charge? You're kidding? You're not kidding?
Phineas: (as the Beak) We can't tell Isabella were the Beak right now, that will put her in danger. The life of a superhero is a lonely one, Ferb. Only merely after eleven minutes.
Stacy: Are you sure that Phineas and Ferb are the Beak? He's just so heroic and hunky?
Candace: Ah! Barf-aroni with cheese. Stacy, please!
Stacy: And where exactly do I fit into all of this?
Candace: You can be my henchman.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz reading a note of his brother, Roger.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Bro, Thanks for filling in for me! You gonna make a "great" Fall Guy I mean, Mayor. Ah, That's so sweet.
Phineas: There, you can't even tell we built our secret lair up in the tree!
Isabella runs up to them.
Stacy: Then what does the Dangerbil do?
Candace: I told you, you're my henchman. Hench or something.
Candace: C'mon, tell the truth! You guys are making me look ridiculous here.
Linda: WAY too easy.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Well, as much as I hate joining forces with good, I have to take my responsibilities as mayor very seriously if I plan to abuse the position later.
Isabella: Oh no, this is terrible! I'm so glad you're here with me, Phineas. Come on, we can cover the action better from the top of City Hall. Phineas?
Phineas: I'm sorry, Isabella, we can't go with you.
(About the Dangeraffe's name): Her name's funny, but not Ha-Ha funny!
Phineas: (As the Beak) Don't worry, your friend is fine. He... landed on a ledge... but don't look for me, cause... he crawled in a window. You know, perhaps I'm over explaining this gotta go.
Isabella: Phineas is the Beak?!
Candace: (Sarcastically) Hey! You just earned your Uh-Durr Patch.
Linda: But get me! "I'll be back".
Isabella: Phineas, I'm sorry that I doubted you. I should have known you were the Beak all along.
Phineas: That's okay, Isabella. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, Perry the Beak-apus!
Linda: Oh, that's great. I've been rushing home all summer long for a metaphor.
Candace: I just realized - I, like so many other elected officials, have forgotten the very promises I made that got me into office in the first place!
Roger: You know what they say - you can't be T'd off once you've teed off. (chuckles) That was very funny...
Doofenshmirtz: What? Who says that?
Linda: I wonder what will be waiting for me today. An invisible thing or a non-existent thing.
Doofenshmirtz: (to Perry) There's just one little problem with my Accelerate-inator. There's a small chance that it will rip space-time, probably destroying the entire universe, (Perry stares at him while he is saying this) but golf, jeez, totally worth it. (Perry stops)
Reporters: Yay, metaphors!
Candace: Not everything is a metaphor!
Reporters: Hooray for finding gold being a metaphor for - oh wait, I think we're supposed to take that literally.
Candace: What is wrong with you two? Can't you think of something normal to do? Like making a lemonade stand or picking your nose or something?
Ferb pulls out a nose-picking machine and turns it on.
Stacy: Candace, I am tired of taking the back seat to the totally unlikely chance that you'll bust your brothers. I want a bеst friend I can count on, so you're gonna have to choose: It's me or busting.
Candace: You're making me choose? You wouldn't dare!
Balthazar: WOW! This is the best lemonade I have ever had! Hit me again!
Candace: A regular lemonade stand? That's it?
Candace: (Jeremy's picture) Jeremy? No, I can't talk about Jeremy with Jeremy.
(Stacy's picture) Mad at Stacy.
Candace: (Starts browsing through the contacts on her cellphone) Okay, Who else... Jeremy, Stacy, Jenny, Mom. Jeremy, Stacy, Jenny, Mom. Jeremy, Stacy, Jenny, Mom. Jeremy, Stacy, Jenny, Mom (Picture says "No Other Contacts") -- (Gasps) How can I only have four friends? And one of them's my mom?!
Girl walking down sidewalk: There you are, best friend!
Candace: Oh my gosh, I don't know you but okay!
Man: Their lemonade stand is at a grocery store, the book store, and the mall; it's even being served on my favorite airline. Yeah! Oh Yeah! Woo! Woo! Lemonade! In your face, orange juice! Boo-ya! That's right! BOO-YA! LEMONADE-AH!
Phineas: Okay... No more for that guy.
Candace: Stacy! There she is! Right next to the... Phineas... and Ferb... lemonade stand...
Candace looks at the cup she is holding, then around seeing several P&F Lemonade locations around, and seeing Mom in Bab's Beauty
Vanessa: Hey Dad, I just got some great lemonade from the new stand down the street. It's really sour, you wanna- (Suddenly slips) Whoa!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Ahh! (After being spilled on by the lemonade) Aw! That smarts, Perry the platypus!
Lawrence: Oh, I can't wait to wipeout!
Linda: Dear, wipeout means falling off the board.
Lawrence: Well, I am a little rusty on my Hawaiian, but here goes. Buenas dias, señor. Me llamo Lawrence. (Spanish for "Good day, sir. My name is Lawrence.")
Hotel Manager: Oh, no no. That's not necessary. We speak in English here. Hawaii is part of the United States.
Candace: Hey, what's this? Pineapple scented serenity lotion with SPF. "Apply and feel instantly serene". Mom! I totally need the serenity lotion!
Hotel Manager: Stop right there young man! What is the meaning of this?
Phineas: Uh I'm not sure I understand your question.
Afer being hit by the De-evolution-inator, Doof somehow has a giant ear.
Big Eared Doof: Okay, this I don't even get.
Referring to the Hotel Manager
Phineas: Wow. For someone living in Hawaii, he's awfully stressed.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, great. Now I'm a single-celled organism. Now how am I going to drive home?
Candace: Ooh, a good luck charm! (mysterious music plays and the tiki charm eyes glows) With its own theme music.
Doofenshmirtz: Who would've guessed my De-evolutionator would've backfired on me? (the other single-celled organisms raise their hands) Alright, put you pseudopods down!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: It's strange that my underwear and socks evolved with me.
Candace: I'm cursed. Phineas, Ferb, I need your help getting rid of this tiki charm.
Phineas: Um, personally, I'd be a little more worried about that manray stuck to your head.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Just because we're stranded on a desert island, doesn't mean we should abandon our normal lives, don't you think? Because then the Tiki gods would win!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (After seeing the crabs and parrots on Perry's side) Hey! Those are my minions! Traitors!
- Main article: Phineas and Ferb Summer Belongs to You!/Memorable Quotes
Talking Zebra: I voted for you, Kevin.
Candace: Cool! I'm gonna fly too! Taking a diving stance Okay, focus. And - UGH! (She crashes to the floor, causing large cracks to appear) Oh no, I've broken my mind! Reality is shattering before my eyes. AAAH!
Phineas: Candace, you're fine. It's just special effects.
Phineas: Ferb and I are warming up before we meet our special effects hero Clive Addison today at the Science-Fiction and Fantasy Convention.
Candace: That explains why you're dressed in costumes from "Giant Losers: The Musical"!
Candace: Ugh. Stop being related to me, and take all your mirrors, and zebras, and junk and get out of my room!
Doofenshmirtz: You know, in the future we won't sit and read newspapers in the morning. Instead, giant robots will control us in human death matches.
Doofenshmirtz: I picked the wrong day to stop carrying garlic-scented throwing stars.
Phineas: But, what about Ferb?
Irving: Forget about him. He's nothing to you anymore!
Candace: Why must it be so hard for a life-long closet Ducky-Momo fan to come to a science fiction/fantasy convention to find cool, rare Ducky-Momo collectables without anyone finding out her dark, humiliating secret?
Baljeet: I feel a minor disturbance in the universe. Almost as if- (a toilet flushes) Oh, now it is gone.
Baljeet: (indignantly) Oh, bite this prop tongue from episode 8!
Buford: I'm sure you're wondering why I, Buford, have taken a leadership role in such a geek-centered enterprise. Well, take a look around. This place is crawling with nerds! I'm like a kid in a candy store! Plus, I relate to the character of Odar Underhump and his complex emotional inner journey.
Phineas: (Sigh) To quote Lump Sharkboard from Space Adventure 16... "glorf".
Jingle Singers: Glorf!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Well, what did you expect? It was like twenty of them against one-and-two-halves of us.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (to Perry) Oh, you've freed yourself with your amazing magician skills!
Perry brandishes a pair of scissors
Candace: Ducky Momo Plushies. Momo Collectible Car Game. Momo the Movie! Oh, the Momo-ness of it all! The sheer Mo-mosity!
Irving: Me? Help you? My manipulator-slash-grasper is at your command!
Phineas: Clive Addison! We're your biggest fans!
Clive Addison: Thanks man, it's just too bad there aren't more of you out there.
Baljeet: You cannot resist our superior technology!
Buford: (lifting his arms) Smell my barbarian pits!
Ducky Momo quacking, pause; Ducky Momo quacks again
As a holographic monster stomps around
Irving: What is that thing?!
Albert tries to use his wand on the special effects monster
Albert: Rootah dez-tu valoomus!
Candace: And you don't make that thing disappear by saying 'Eugie beugie weugie!'
The special effects monster disappears
(While Candace is passing out.)
Baljeet: Water-proof undergarments! Wheeeeeee!
Dream Fireside Girl: (Spits) I have saliva!
Doofenshmirtz: Give me those boots!
Isabella: She doesn't have to give you anything. You have no real power in this part of Odd.
Doofenshmirtz:: Now check me out as I disappear into an evil cloud of black smoke!
(Black smoke surrounds Doofenshmirtz. Smoke disappears, and reveals a charred and withered Doofenshmirtz)
(Referring to her journey to Bustopolis)
Candace: I hope there's not gonna be a lot of singing in this thing.
Candace: Fine, you can come along.
Baljeet: Boy howdy!
Candace: Oh hi! I couldn't help notice that you were, um...
Jeremy: A tree?
Phineas: From this point, you have two routes to Bustopolis. On your right is a yellow sidewalk through a terrifying beastbog.
(Large amount of water comes out of bog)
Candace: This is a better than the ice cream canyon, isn't it?
Baljeet: Oh, yes, I much prefer rotting vegetation and blood sucking demons.
Candace: Okay, kidnapped by flying squirrels and stuck in a web that came out of a monkey's butt. Hm... I guess I have had weirder days.
Candace: Perry, I'm sorry I got you into this mess. Forget about me, save yourself if you can.
(Perry cuts the web in front of him with a saw in his fedora)
Buford: Whats he want? (Perry chatters) Could be rabies.
Major Monogram: Gentlemen, we're on to stop Doofenwitch you want to rescue the girl. I see an opportunity for some inter-agency cooperation, now here's the plan. Wait, why am I a fairy?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Shut up, you're a tree!
Candace: Wait a minute, you can't talk to Jeremy like that! (picks up bucket of water)
Doofenshmirtz: I want....those red rubber boots!
Phineas: Sure. Candace won't mind. Right Candace?
Candace: Did you say fun?
Ferb: Often, the most fun you can be found in your own backyard.
Major Monogram is talking to Perry about Dr. Doofenshmirtz not being on Earth
Major Monogram: Even his answering machine doesn't give us a clue where he is.
Phineas: Time to test out our maze.
Baljeet: Did somebody say 'test'?
Perry enters to D.E. Inc. and he finds a Doofenshmirtz's talking doll, so he pulls the cord in every pause
Doofenshmirtz doll: Hello Perry the Platypus... sorry I'm not here to greet you myself but this is... a trap.
Isabella: You wanna go through the maze with me?
Melissa: Yes, yes, yes.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the Platypus. Welcome to my evil space station!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz's echo: Station... station... cookie... station...
Buford: How many jellybeans in the jar?
Baljeet: Oh, I am really good at solving these kind of problems.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz is showing to Perry a few diapositives (it's a projector, not a retrospective) about his trip to Europe 10 years ago.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: ...then the Ambassador's wife filed a complaint... Long story short, I am never welcome in Albania ever again. But the point is, it was lunchtime and I ended up alone in Italy, so I went to the Leaning Tower of Pizza, and you know what? They don't even make pizza there! And so what do they mean? It's the Leaning Tower of Pizza! It's got " pizza" actually in the name! But they were adamant. "No pizza for you!" Kinda like "I'm the idiot." I was like, "You're not so great. You're not so special. What? Just 'cause you're leaning?"
Dr. Doofenshmirtz sent his building to space and built an Tiltinator that can lean all buildings
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: ...I built this Tiltinator and I'm gonna do it all from space!
Melissa: Oh my gosh, thank you for telling Isabella to save me.
Candace: Oh, what do you think I was going to do? Let Isabella let you fall.
Isabella: Oh, would you look at that?
Candace: The platform's retracting! What are we gonna do?
They swing and failed to reach the other side.
Candace: Oh, this is just great! I thought you're gonna save us. I- I thought you were suppose to be this perfect Firefighter Girl.
Buford, Baljeet, Phineas and Ferb get out of the maze before it crashes to the bottom
Buford: Wow! That was a least 3 seconds deep.
Candace, Phineas, Ferb and Perry are watching a TV commercial about Lindana
Narrator: This week, we ask "Where did they go?" about Pop Stars from the 80's... First up, this perky pop-star stole a one-hit-wonder by declaring I'm Lindana and I Wanna Have Fun.
Lawrence: I'm afraid I'm hopelessly nerdy.
Phineas: You know, dad may be a little geeky for the new century, but in the 80's, the rise of the synthesizer allowed even hopeless nerds to rock the charts.
Ferb: Phineas, I know what we're going to do today.
Major Monogram: Dr. Doofenshmirtz has been spotted playing with a hoop. See what he's up to.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Mustn't forget to open the roof. A little something we learned from the Diarrheainator debacle, right, Perry the Platypus?
Referring to Doofenshmirtz
Sally: Papa! Papa, I wanna see the clown!
Candace and Linda are talking after singing "I'm Lindana and I wanna have fun"
Candace: I can't believe I sang backup for Lindana!
Perry disables the Alien-Inator, and leaves Doofenshmirtz alone again in his alien costume
Doofenshmirtz: (Sighs) Great, now I am a nut-job.
Linda: Nice work, "Max," you still got it. Though I can't say I remember you having it in the first place.
Lawrence: You weren't so bad yourself. What say we go out for a spot of tea sometime.
Candace: That makes me wanna blarf.
Baljeet: I can see it is already working.
Tedd: And have you used these steps?
Candace: Believe me, I've blarfed and narged plenty. I got nowhere.
Candace: Stacy, wake up!
Stacy: (startled) Uhh! It's not my ferret!
Candace: Oh, no. I'm going to do it right this time. Even though every fiber of my being is screaming to tell you to stay here and find out the information, then run frantically out to that ATV and drive my brothers to Mom who'll bust them, I will resist! Yes! I am going to stay right here and break my old pattern!
Stacy: Good choice, Candace. I can't tell you have a p-
Candace: Okay, I learn some skill that... Phineas, you're in the drivers seat, why are you operating with a remote control?
Phineas: Candace, We're too young to drive.
Doofenshmirtz: And now live, because it's evil spelled backwards, your host Heinz Doofenshmirtz!
After watching Doofenshmirtz's telethon of evil
Lawrence: This is a brilliant work of satire. It's my new favorite show.
Bridgette: And that's how socks sometimes get lost in the dryer. And cut tape.
Candace: I'm blarfing! I'm blarfing!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: And we're back. The Inator Corporation was generous enough to send us a giant check for 23 dollars. Thank you Sid and the guys, you do an important job. That brings our tally to 23 dollars. Let's go to the phones again. Silence Okay, if no one calls in the next few seconds, the platypus gets it!
News Announcer: We preempt this current preemption to bring you another preemption.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Nothing cuts into my television time! Screen changes to a test pattern with Agent P on it Oh, haha, very funny. Everyone's a comedian.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, hey, it's me. It's me. I'm back. Perry the Platypus, you- oh, it's the chopper cam. Hello? I'm back. Hi, Mom. Hi. Perry the Platypus and news helicopter leave Oh, going back to the more dramatic wide angle shot- Dr. Doofenshmirtz crashes into his building And the final tally is... unbearable pain. And probably a herniated disc.
Stacy: Candace, what happened to you? The lecture's over. The gift bags were totally cruddy, by the way. It's just a bag, nothing in it.
Announcer: Looking for a peaceful family getaway? Then come visit delightful Danville! We've got grass, milk, and smiles! So come to Danville, pretty please?
Albert: What's in the box, anyway?
Irving: It's my old collection of spy cameras. I'm gonna take them over to Phineas and Ferb and see what they can do with them.
Stacy: Ooh, sounds like fun, but I have to go to the eye doctor.
Candace: Okay, but just don't get big, thick glasses because then you'd be a nerd, and I can't be seen with you.
Candace: Yeah, sure, Jenny, but what have whales ever done for me?
Albert: Well, hello.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: So, to recap, I rotate the dark side of the moon towards the Earth, eliminating the full moon, and corner the market on evil!
Perry looks in disbelief
In an exterminator truck
Candace: So, your father's an exterminator?
Albert: Irving! You bring those cameras back down here this instant!
Irving: Oh, why don't you come up here and endeavor to reclaim them?
Candace: I win! Through the power of nerd help! (Laughs)
Phineas: Hey Candace! Working on your cackle?
Perry trips on the cork while trying to stop Dr. Doofensmirtz
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Ha! I told you it was a layered idea.
The moon starts to move along with the building
Phineas: Hm. I don't remember adding that.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Wait, this doesn't make any sense. The moon is rotating while the dark side isn't moving! Ooh, I bet you had something to do with this, didn't you, Perry the Platypus? You're always messing me up. You're just mean. Mean, Perry the Platypus. Plain mean, that's all.
Perry sees the building coming up on them
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, I see. The light from the moon is just the reflection off the sun! Dummkopf! I should have rotated the sun.
Buford: (showing Phineas and Ferb the "ruined" chocolate bar) Look what Baljeet did to my candy bar. He got his peanut butter on my chocolate.
Phineas: But Buford, peanut butter and chocolate go great together.
(After being divided by the molecular splitter)
Busting Candace: Must bust Phineas and Ferb!
After Doofenshmirtz explains his flashback to Perry the Platypus
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: Now I will conquer my fear and jump from the high dive, but you know, I still don't want any of these people to look at me and make fun of me, so I invented the Look-Away-Inator!
Romantic Candace is decorating her room
Romantic Candace: Romance! lalalalala! It's a Jeremy bedroom.
Romantic Candace: Hi Mom, have you seen Jeremy?
Linda: Doesn't he work over there at the hot dog stand?
Busting Candace appears with Jeremy
Jeremy: Hi Candace.
Kid: Mister, come on, it's your turn. Are you some kind of schnitzel?
Heinz Doofenshmirtz: I am a man, not a schnitzel. (Climbing the high diving board) I will prove it right now! Ah, nobody calls me a schnitzel anymore, I bet he doesn't what it means that little- Hey, hey what a minute. This isn't as bad as I remember...it's so much worse!
Phineas: Hey Candace, look who's here early.
Phineas points to Ferb dressed like Jeremy
(After being divided by the molecular splitter)
Singing Monogram: I wanna sing! (Laughs)
Candace: Aw, you guys really are sick.
Phineas: Well you know, (sneezes) Nothing can ever keep us down.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh... eat that gum off the sidewalk!
Perry picks up the gum and reluctantly puts it near his mouth
Phineas: Isabella and Baljeet won their battles, so who am I gonna fight?
Computer: Phineas vs. Phineas!
Vanessa answers her phone during the party
Vanessa: It's my dad. Yes, Dad?
The kids are controlling Perry, but they think it's a game, and Buford starts to hit Perry with his own arm
Buford: Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz gets his hands on the records
Phineas: See? No discernible music source.
Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the Platypus, what a surprise. And by "surprise", I mean "not a surprise at all".
Dancer: So, uh, are we done? 'Cause I gotta pick up my kid from school.
Doofenshmirtz: One second, just wait 'til it goes to black. (cut to black) All right, now you can go.
Boy 1: Think we'll get in free if we bring the poster?
Boy 2: We didn't last time. Maybe we should take it just in case.
Linda: I'll be in the dairy section if you want to yell at some cheese. Would you like that, honey? Would you like to yell at some cheese?
Candace: A little.
Phineas: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages! May I present to you a spectacle most of the morning in the making. Mark your calendars because you will want to tell your grandchildren about the day you rode The Coolest Coaster Ever! (Rollercoaster is unveiled, a bird hits the coaster) And this time it's a musical.
Croissant Vendor: Crepe suzette?
Phineas: What do you say, Suzette, d'ya wanna crepe?
Farmer's Wife: I can't believe you walked all the way to the service station to get jumper cables, but you didn't bring the battery cart. What did you think, that a battery cart would just fall out of the sky?
Battery cart crashes behind the farmer.
Major Monogram: Morning Agent P, we have a situation here, the royal Princess Baldegunde from Drusselstein is in town. She's here to give the “Drusselsteinian Favorite Son” Award to Mayor Roger Doofenshmirtz during the unveiling of the new Danville Opera House. We assume Dr. Doofenshmirtz will do something to disrupt the ceremony. He's been buying up all the claw machines in the Tri-state Area. We don´t know exactly what his plan is, but do the math: Princess, Opera house, claw machines, stuffed animal. You put that together and you get a Claw-Princess-Animal, uh, Stuffed-Claw-House
Carl interrupts him
Princess Baldegunde: See? I never get to do anything for myself.
Candace: And I have to do everything for myself.
Candace: Wow, I've been given all this power and how I've chosen to use it is to run through gold coins barefoot? I'm a genius!
The Princess is putting together a few tables
Princess Baldegunde: Ok now, I hammer. Claps at Baljeet Hammer! Hammer?
Princess Baldegunde: (as Candace) Hello cute blond boy with guitar!
Jeremy: Hey cute redhead... talking funny? See you after the set.
Candace: Wow..., absolute power bores absolutely...
Princess calls Candace
Candace: (approaching her mother) Mom! Mom! Giant jukebox! Come on! Come on! (Candace runs outside to see the blimp take the jukebox. Linda follows.) You missed it. Giant jukebox, doppelganger, everything, all gone.
Lawrence comes down the stairs wearing a hat with a shower head attached to it.
Linda: Lawrence, you're not wearing that on the plane.
Candace is calling Jenny and Stacy, but Phineas interrupts her
Phineas: Do you need help with entertaining or snacks?
Major Monogram: So, get him, Agent P, and good luck.
Doofenshmirtz: Thank you.
Stacy: So my mom told me to clean up my room and I didn't have any shoes on, so I started picking stuff up with my feet, and I turned it into a game with myself, like, "Can I Clean Up My Whole Room With My Feet?" And I did.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: So, tell me tell you my evil scheme. Not too long ago, I used to sit down right over there to watch free movies on the drive-in movie screen across the street. Of course, I didn't get the sound, so I made up my own dialogue. It was fun!
changes his tone of voice to sound gruff and deeper Sheila, I love you, but now I have to defuse this bomb.
Candace is trying to unplug the amplifier, but Phineas and Ferb interrupt her
Phineas: Hi Candace, cool party.
Candace is trying to prevent everyone from destroying everything, when she finds a mature man.
Candace: What is my Science Teacher doing here?
Phineas: (on phone) Hi, Mom? What, what? I'm sorry, I can't hear you over Candace's intimate get together.
Phineas and Ferb are leading a Conga line
Phineas: It's for you!
The sides of Doofenshmirtz's pants appear to have all the party members in them.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Well, obviously, something's amiss. Ugh, let's review: The Goaway-Inator which missed the condo, should've zapped whatever it hit to an undesirable location. Let me check my undesirable location wheel. (grabs out binoculars) Stonehenge, Burbank (looks where spinner stopped) ...my pants?! Why would I even write that there? Oh, I see, I got it confused with my dry-cleaning wheel. Oh, okay, but... why do I have a dry-cleaning wheel?
Candace: Hello, mother, father. What are you doing back so soon? I hope everything's okay. pause There's a party behind me, isn't there?
Linda: Candace, I trusted you! I can't believe you threw a party!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, Vanessa! Thank goodness you're here! A platypus has tied me up in my own pants!
Vanessa: How did my life get to the point where that is not a strange sentence to me?