Memorable quotes that occurred in episodes of Phineas and Ferb during Season 4.
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Lawrence: Boys, I've got some good news for you. I've arranged for you to play a little exhibition match between the periods of the Danville Ice Trays game.
Phineas: Oh, you mean like at halftime?
Phineas: If we're going to be the entertainment, then we'd better kick it up a notch. Hockey Z-9?
Ferb: Hockey Z-9.
Candace: (scoffs) What's the big deal with hockey anyway?
Lawrence: Well, it's hard to explain actually, taking the flip pass from the winner, shoulder deking the defense men, and then, tossing it right over the old glove hand. Oh, it just takes hold of you like a fever!
Luc Robitaille: Is anyone else cold? Why is it so cold in here?
Audience: We don't know, Luc Robitaille!
Dink Winkerson: And the blare of the buzzer brings down the metaphorical curtain on the scintillating second period of this titanic tussle as the grim, gritty gladiators vacate the frozen field of flailing, fighting flugelhorn to prepare for the third period of this tellican, turf-toes tower as the frosty defibrillators mill the frozen peems of icy... (gasps) Oh, man. I better go lay down.
Candace: So when all the members of the offending team clear the defensive zone at the same time, the delayed offset call is negated.
Jeremy: Wow, you really do know hockey.
Doofenshmirtz: (tasting the abominable marshmallow) Ooh, it's all marshmallowy and hairy....Not completely unlike summer camp.
Candace: 'Scuse me, I gotta get through here.
Luc Robitaille: Woah woah woah! You're not allowed out there.
Buford: Baljeet's already out! Wake up, will ya! You're drooling all over my arm!
Baljeet: You know, saliva is 98% water and the other 2% is made up of very beneficial electrolytes. It is gross, but it is science.
Isabella: And, of course, there's the other tradition of kissing someone special at midnight.
Phineas: Well then I know what we're going to do tonight.
Phineas: How are you doing, Buford?
Buford: Why do I have to paint? Painting is for babies and beatniks!
Doofenshmirtz: You there, what's your New Year's resolution?
Mustached Man: To update my mustache.
Doofenshmirtz:Oh, it never stops being... (gasps as Perry enters)
♪ Perry! ♪
Lawrence: Another interesting thing about the ancient Egyptians is that both men and women wore makeup.
Linda: Just like the '80s.
Candace: Huh. That parkour training actually paid off.
Random woman: If those were my boys, they would be so busted.
Candace: Please, adopt me now!
Candace: (standing with Jeremy on a balcony, watching the fireworks) You know, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to keep this resolution.
Jeremy: That's okay. I like you just the way you are. Happy New Year, Candace.
(they kiss; fireworks go off reading "HAPPY NEW YEAR")
Phineas: Actually, instead of improving one of our old inventions, we should make something brand new! Something simple.
Isabella: How do you mean?
Major Monogram: So Agent P, change of plans. Head over to the park and stop Doof from doing the doings that Doof does . . . do.
Carl: You have a heebie-jeebie scale, sir?
Major Monogram: Yeah. You're on it.
Candace: (as a fly) Phineas and Ferb, you are so buzzzzzted!
Candace: Could this day get any weirder?
Male Voice: Hello.
Phineas: Did someone take the doohickey thing out of the thingamawhatsit? Buford?
Buford: Uh...oh no! If I catch the mug what did this....Yeah, I'm on it.
Guy in Shuttle: (Upon seeing the giant tire swing holder) Woah, that is so weird! We're in a space shuttle and the shuttle program ended years ago!
Doofenshmirtz: This is great! The best inator I've ever made! And you know what, Perry the Platypus? There's no self-destruct button on this, so there's no way you can stop me from taking over the entire Tri-State— (the giant tire swing lands on his inator before he finishes his statement) Huh. Well, like my Uncle Boris used to say, "When life's goin' well, a giant tire comes along and smashes your inator." We all thought he was crazy at the time, but now it seems rather prophetic.
Waiter: May I take your order, "partner"?
Candace: (sighs) I don't suppose it's "Dress Like a Cowboy and Get Your Dinner Free" Night?
Candace: Zzzzzz... But, your honor, how could I have robbed that bank if I was already wearing the prison jumpsuit? It just doesn't make any-- (gasps and wakes up) Somehow I want to finish that dream to find out if I'm guilty or not.
Buford: Is that a challenge?! Because you should know that the Van Stomms never back down from a challenge. ♪ Weeeeeellllllll... ♪
Candace: Stop! Stop! Stop! I challenge you, just as long as you don't sing about it
Announcer: It's time for Girls Freaking Out!
Candace: I love this show. It makes me feel so normal.
Candace: Listen, this thing getting snag on a plane is just the tip of the bicuspid. It could shrink down to the size of a real tooth, and get lost in the grass. Or turn to ice, and melt into nothingness. For all you know it could turn into a giant Ducky Momo, and fly away. Are you prepared for all that?
Buford: ♪ Weeeeeellllllll... ♪
Buford: Well, I hope that lands in the backyard of a giant who needs a fake tooth.
Buford: I've got a song about how Van Stomm's fall from the sky too, but, it doesn't end well.
Phineas: We're dressed like people did in the '50s, y'know, when people dressed like a sitcom from the '70s.
Candace: I'm living in Crazytown. And Phineas and Ferb are town council.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Wait, no, no! Don't open the door; you'll let in Perry the Platypus!
Vanessa: You know he'll just blow the door down if you don't open it. (opens door revealing Perry holding a bazooka) Come in, Perry. Toodles!Doofenshmirtz: I'm worried about her, Perry the Platypus. (turns his head to Perry) Hey! You were going to to blow down my door!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Just to ensure there's no real competition, I built a little gadget called the Rustinator. At the push of a button, it will reduce every other car into red dust! Or rust. Wait, red dust, rust. I wonder if that's where that word came from. (exits) I'm gonna go look up its entomology. (returns) Yeah, I looked it up. It turns out "entomology" is the study of insects. Go figure.
Candace: And now, I must leave. My public awaits.
Stacy: Yeah, and I must go be famous by association.
Mike: Wow, this is incredible! I've never been in a helicopter before!
Stacy: Can't this thing go any faster?!
Candace: I got the fennel pedal all the way to the rutabaga metal! And yes, I know it's a weird sentence.
Mike: (from the chopper) Oh, those poor innocent kids. (covering his eyes) I can't watch. It's just-It's just—I'm gonna step outside where I can—WOOOOOOAHH! Did you see that?! I almost stepped out of the helicopter! Did you just see that?!
Roger: Funny, I'd never thought the Kinderlumper would be such a crybaby.
Canadian Border Patrolman: Hey, you can't do that! (to another motorist) Hey, the same thing but in French!
Lyla: You gonna eat those fries?
Doofenshmirtz: Don't touch! Anyway I've got a little math quiz for the both of you. If a train carrying Precious Albert the Moose left British Columbia at eight o'clock in the morning, going eighty mile per hour, what time would it arrive at the Canada Day celebration? Answer? Never! Because I've tied up the conductor, and taken control of the train using my remote control Train-Operator-inator! Right now we are all headed to my scheme exchange partner's secret fortress. (Lyla reaches for the fries again) Hey cut it out, those are mine. Seriously, I can get the waiter over here if you want to order own, but please?
(Lyla and Perry enter the train's bathroom, only to see that Doofenshmirtz has escaped, as the window is open)
Lyla: I can't believe it! He left the seat up!
Man: Excuse me, conductor? (Doofenshmirtz walks over) You know the train doesn't seem to be stopping at any of the scheduled stations.
Doofenshmirtz: Is that a fact? My apologies straphanger. Wait, which one was your stop?
Bannister: Well, well, well. If it isn't C.O.W.C.A.'s best agent, the unfortunately named, Lyla Lolliberry.
Lyla: Listen you, I come from a long alliterative line of Lolliberrys.
Professor Bannister: And that's the problem! We have no national pride. I mean, listen to this.
Bannister plays "Nunarput utoqqarsuanngoravit" on his cell phone
Professor Bannister: Jinx you, Lyla Lolliberry.
Liam:It was on that day that I swore revenge on platypuses.
Doofenshmirtz: (on Liam) In all fairness, Perry the Platypus, there was nothing in his profile about, you know, naming his boomerangs. Even I find that a little creepy.
Liam: I'm going to make you eat those words. Or...noise.
Buford: Is science happenin' yet?
Baljeet: I am feeling nauseated!
Buford: Now how ya feeling, Baljeet?
Baljeet: Effervescent and frothy.
Buford: Alright, you two, let's get somethin' straight here. There'll be NO messin' with the Buford. Don't make no diff how many of you there are!
Second Baljeet: I would never mess with you, Buford!
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, I see, a waterfall. Just in time for commercial. Isn't that convenient. (Both Doofenshmirtz and Perry go over the waterfall and start falling.) What's that about, anyway? It's not a cliff-faller, it's called a cliff-hanger, and here we are, falling, and-watch watch watch, here we go, wait, look, yup yup see? There you go! Fading to black! (Scene fades to black.)
Lawrence: (Walks in) Oh, hello, boys! Are we having a party, Baljeet? And Baljeet and. . . wait a moment, if he's Baljeet you must be. . . ?
All the Baljeets at once: Baljeet!
Liam: I call this one "Sharpay"...'cause she's sharp, eh?
Candace: Look closely. How many Baljeets do you see standing here?
Linda: One, Candace. There is only one Baljeet, after all. (Winks at Baljeet)
Candace: Baljeet, would you like some grapes, or this chocolate bar?
Baljeet: Grapes, please. (Takes it from Candace and starts eating, Candace looks shocked when he does not split)
Buford: Oh come on, couldn't a gathering just as easily turn into shindig or a hoot-nanny?
Isabella: Under normal circumstances, I'd say yes. But this one seems to have a ...(Puts her hand on Buford's shoulder, Suspense music plays) ..."Storming of the Bastille" sort of vibe.
Phineas: Huh. So that's what comeuppance looks like.
Linda Flynn-Fletcher: Baljeet picking on Buford? Candace, Buford outweighs Baljeet by like 90 hamburgers.
Carl: Major Monogram?
Major Monogram: Yes, Carl?
Isabella: Well, it's nice to have you back, Baljeet.
Buford: I agree. It's nice to have you back. One of you back.
Morg: Hmm! Our escape plan worked perfectly! We are now free to ransack this planet! Everyone, Celebration Noises! (Morg and his friends make various sounds; the alien in Baljeet's body makes bicycle horn noises. When everyone stops, he still makes noises. Morg turns and stares at him.) Okay, that's enough!
Isabella: Well, look on the bright side! I got nothing.
Buford: Hey, guys, I just realized somethin'! I'm the only fly in a prison full of frogs and lizards!
Baljeet: Luckily I do not think anyone else has noticed.
Buford: We need to find a guy who knows how to get things. Every prison has one.
Baljeet: How do you know what every prison ha—
Candace: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Where do you think you're going?
Morg: We're going to Lotsmo to steal food.
Doofenshmirtz: I know what you're thinking. Why the snazzy getup? Why the boots? Well, ya see, I met this girl, Rosie, on a square-dancing website and I may have led her to believe that I'm...an expert square dancer. Hey, don't give me that self-righteous look! It's the web, man! Everybody stretches the truth! You don't think that cat really eats cheeseburgers, do you?
Red: Later that day, to make their escape, those boys crawled through 500 yards of foul-smelling nastiness I can't even imagine. 500 yards. That's the length of 11 baseball diamonds, one tennis court, a medium-sized male elephant, and a croquet wicket. It wasn't long before they found everything that they needed.
Phineas: Great! Let's hurry up and put this thing together.
(After Rosie asks Dr. Doofenshmirtz what they should do next)
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, well let's see.
(Perry rubs his stomach.) We can rub our stomachs and, (Perry points to his mouth) point to our mouths, and later we can roll our eyes, and put our heads in our hand.
Rosie: I would never go out with someone who would stretch the truth on the Internet! Goodbye!
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, come on!! You don't think that cat really plays the piano, do ya?
Buford: Guys, can you settle an argument for us? Preferably in my favor? If a vegetarian becomes a zombie, would they start eatin' people? (referring to Baljeet) Mr. Smartyunderpants thinks they just keep eatin' vegetables.
Phineas: Internet sensation, Parry Gripp ladies and gentlemen
Doofenshmirtz: (punching a chair) Perry the Platypus, did you get yourself upholstered?
Jimmy: Why do we always end on that weird Bb with an F# bass?
Jimmy's Mom: It's tradition, Jimmy. We don't question it.
(Perry enters the lair still wearing his bee antennae)
Singers: Agent Bee...
Stacy: Emos believe everyone's against them.
Candace: How can you say that to me?
Ginger: (fake coughs) You were lost in Phineasland again.
Isabella: (snaps back to reality) Oh right! (chuckles) Right! The Fireside Girls are going for our Beekeeping patch, and we need to borrow something.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, there you are Perry the Platypus - Hey, great costume, that's the bee's knees or you know, wings in this case. (A giant yellow fly swatter appears behind Perry and swats him) Ha! Swat's happening, Perry the Platypus. Swat's up! Swat's goin- (Perry punches him in the chin) Oof! Puh, hey, swat's your problem? (Perry punches him again)
Ginger: This is fascinating! Tell me more about bee dancing!
Baljeet: Really? Because usually people are either gone or fall asleep by the time I get to this part of the sentence.
Linda: Hi, honey, love the new look.
Candace: You obviously don't know me. Nobody does. And if somebody did, I'd just deny it.
Linda: Sweetie, I went through a similar phase when I was your age. Try writing some poems.
Charlene: Are you more attractive all of a sudden?
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, why, thank you, I have been trying to—Oh, wait, no, it's just the pheromones.
Candace: Sibling unit,
Doofenshmirtz: Thank you for saving me, Perry the Platypus! And on the bright side, with all those bees, not one sting! Ow! (spits out a bee and sticks out his swollen tongue) Oh, man! I thould've ekthpected thith. At leatht my inator ith intact. (Perry pushes the self-destruct button on the remote control) Ah, thhoot! Curth you, Perry the Platyputh! (beat) Curth you! I thaid, "Curth you, Perry the Platyputh!" Yeah, well, thee, you thould be able to get it in contektht.
Milly: The opening ceremony of the Bee Day festival was awesome!
Holly: It's my favorite part of Bee Awareness Day!
Gretchen: In the guideline for the Beekeeping Patch, it says a good beekeeper tries to think like a bee.
Katie: Phineas and Ferb had a sorbet machine that turns people into flies?
Isabella: Katie, for crying out loud, look up in the internet.
Isabella: Wow, humans really take for granted not being sucked into the nearest vacuum cleaner.
Holly: What are we supposed to do now?
Gretchen: Bee Day's almost over, and we're stuck inside a pharmacist's power vac.
Poofenplotz: Oh, how humiliating. Piloted off to the pokey by a pooch.
Phineas: Hey Isabella! We're having Iced Tea! You want some, honey?
Isabella: What'd you say?
Director Dipthong: Go find out what Doofenshmirtz is up to and put a stop to it. Descending Dipthong! (He sinks down from the screen)
Carl: What are you doing?
Candace: Can you believe how hot it is today, Jeremy? Even my dollies are sweatin'! Not that I play with dolls. I just happen to have a couple on my shelf next to my unicorn. Heh. (slaps her forehead in realization of what she just said)
Jeremy: So what do you wanna do today?
Candace: I don't know. I thought maybe we could head to the mall.
Linda: Candace, I'm on my way to...You know, this feels awfully familiar: I tell you I'm going out, later you'll tell me Phineas and Ferb are up to something, but there's nothing there to see, so we all have pie. Just another ordinary day.
Candace: Ordinary?! Do I ordinarily do this? (She pushes her dollies off the shelf and laughs while ripping the sheets off her bed and goes cuckoo again) ♪ Tra la la la la la la la la la la la la la la, Tra la la la la la LA!!!!! ♪
Doofenshmirtz: Aw, man, why did I save all the manual labor on my newest inator for the hottest day of the year? I might as well be doing hot yoga up in this piece! Can I get a "what-what?" (no response) Norm, where's my "what-what?"
Norm: I'm sorry, sir. People do not say that anymore.
Doofenshmirtz: (after Perry hits the self-destruct button on the inator and escapes) Ugh! Well, oh, man, once again, the place is trashed! You just take off, leaving me here to clean it all up. (putting on an apron and getting a broom and dustpan) Does it ever occur to you, Perry the Platypus, how much of a mess is left after one of our little tete-a-tetes? I betcha it never even occurred to you that I keep talking to you for a while after you've gone! I mean, it's probably a sad commentary on my life that I'm wearing an apron and talking to a platypus that's no longer...How long have you been standing there, Vanessa?
Vanessa: Long enough, Dad.
Isabella: Phineas, Pinky's missing!
Phineas: Aw, that's too bad, Isabella.
Candace: You kids have fun. Really I wish I could stay and bust you but I have a lunch date with Jeremy down at City Hall.
Baljeet: City Hall serves lunch?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: It's easier to find a hidden object when you're hidden as well.
Doofenshmirtz: You're both persistent, I'll give ya that, but the security system is offline and there's nothing you or your little dog friend can do about it! Y'know, unless, one of you happens to be really good with computers.
Major Monogram's Voice: Agent Pinky is good with computers...good with computers...good with computers...
Major Monogram: Don't worry, Kelly. I am totally down for being second banana.
Doofenshmirtz: Well, first of all, that's a little sad. But, second of all, technically, you would be third banana. It would go: Kelly, and then me, and then you. And, ih, I would be second banana.
Kelly Osbourne: (Seeing Doofenshmirtz and Monogram dressed up like her) Now I know what I would look like if I had middle-aged male clones!
Doofenshmirtz: Hey, l-look at this! Strike a pose! Look, look, look, I'm vo—
Kelly Osbourne: Vogueing?! I love vogueing! It's so '90's!
Phineas: Okay, gang. Today, we're gonna tie a legendary knot.
Buford: Woah woah woah! We're just startin'?! No—no intro, nothin'?! Just gettin' right into it?
Buford: You gotta be kiddin' me! Who looked at this idea and said, "Yeah, that'd be fun"?! Y'see?! This is what happens when we have no intro!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Remember, "Doof" spelled backwards is "fooD".
Phineas: Looks like we all just got a few more moves to get untied. Except for Buford, who's managed to tie himself into a knot.
Buford: I'm a victim o' circumstance.
Buford: (watching Candace eat the Gordian Knot) I am so in love with her right now.
Linda: You see? Our daughter likes it!
Lawrence: Oh yes, and I'm British, so you think I'm supposed to like bird-watching. Ooh, I'm British, so I'll be in the conservatory with a cup of tea and a crumpet! I'm saying that, ironically, but actually, that sounds quite good. So, I'm going to do that. Ta!
Candace: (in a hoarse voice) In conclusion, may your Fireside Girl experience be a treasured one with memories for a lifetime. The end.
Irving: Umm... I'd like you to do one more take on that last chapter.
Buford: Hey guys! I can see my thoughts! They're all sparkly and spread out around us.
Baljeet: It is the lack of oxygen; it makes you light-headed.
Doofenshmirtz: Can you do this, Perry the Platypus? Can you jump really fast, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down? Yeah, that's it, Perry the Platypus! Doesn't it feel good? Let's be jumping buddies. Let's just eat dessert and jump up and down and up and down and up and down all day. It'll be our thing. Just remember: I-I invented this. Because I am the inventor.
Doofenshmirtz: (after Perry leaves) Okay, but, but let's do that jumping thing again sometime.
Carl: I-Is this thing on? I want to thank you all for taking some time outta your busy schedules to attend our compulsory O.W.C.A. Animal Sensitive Seminar. However, if you currently are an animal, you may be excused to your missions.
(The animals leave)
Candace: Wait. Somebody's judgin' me.
Candace: Phineas and Ferb, you are so busted...for something!
Stacy: (to a distracted Candace) So since you're in busting mode, I take it my services are no longer required. (pause) Yup. I'm superfluous.
Buford: I'll bet he's hungry. I totally sound like that when my blood sugar's low.
Phineas: Whoa! The Chupacraba's gone! This must be how Candace feels when this happens.
Candace: Hehehehehehehe...Mom, you won't believe this.
Linda: Now, Candace, why would you ever give me reason not to believe you?
Candace: Phineas and Ferb! What are you guys up to?
Phineas: It's a surprise for Isabella's birthday!
Buford: (carrying Isabella in bag and letting her out) I've carried a lot of squirmin' bags in my time, but this is the first time I knew who was in it. (walks off)
Isabella: Augh! What I was going to say was all I want for my birthday is some alone time with---(motions to Phineas) Never mind. (walks out)
(on the cake)
Baljeet: Ooh, I hope they do not have a male dancer popping out of it.
Holly: (To Candace) What are you doing?
Candace: Waiting for things to get dangerous, so I can my mom to come bust the boys.
Phineas: So, did you get what you wished for?
Stacy: Wait a minute! It says right here in your silly little pamphlet that if your host family finds out about your agent status, then anyone who's seen you has to have their memory erased, or you'll get relocated. Perry, I'm not part of your host family! I know, I know, it's a technicality. Look, I don't want Candace and the boys to lose you, but I also do not want my mind erased. I'm on the last ten minutes of that Grievance movie, and I don't want to have to watch that whole scary mess again. So, uh, can we just keep this a secret?
(Perry smiles and tips his fedora to Stacy)
Phineas: I still can't figure out what went wrong with the grand finale. After the laser light show and the fireballs, the swans should have been released and--
Isabella: Phineas, I really liked the butterflies. Thank you.
Phineas: So, did you get what you wished for? Oh yeah, I already asked that. Confetti and streamers! Hold on, gonna get another napkin. (leaves)
Isabella: (to herself) And butterflies. You always give me butterflies....
Lawrence: Hello, hello hello! Can you guess what my DJ costume is for tonight's big Mardi Gras block party?
Phineas: Uh... scary post-apocalyptic handpuppet?
Doofenshmirtz: Quit your whining. Just go stag like me.
Norm: You mean dress up like a wild forest creature with antlers?
Candace: Situation unbustable.
Stacy: Ooh, tah-wist.
Norm: What do I say? I do not believe she has an oil pan to complement.
Doofenshmirtz: Just introduce yourself and, you know, ask her what her sign is. And then run the other way if she says Sagittarius.
Doofenshmirtz: Women like it when you challenge them, and act all superior.
Norm: That does not seem logical.
Tattooed Guy: Hey! My tattoos are gone! Now I can finally be an accountant!
(The gang put on a spectacular display.)
Norm: Everyone looks smaller than the usually do from up here. And that is already pretty small, because I am so tall.
Chloe: (to Norm) Your performance exceeded my previous computations.
Norm: Goodbye, Chloe. "Parting is such sweet sorrow."
Chloe: That is a reference from Romeo and Juliet, so I shall say "goodnight 'til it be morrow."
Major Monogram: Okay, he's gone. One, a-two, a-one-two-three
♪ I am the the very model of a modern Major Monogram ♪
Phineas: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, babies and slightly smaller babies, welcome to the Phineas and Ferb Ultimate Obstacle Course! The first team that makes it all the way to the end (you know, alive and stuff) will win this nifty trophy! So are you ready to get muddy?
Candace: That tears it! Those two are so—
Phineas: You know what they say: Giant worms can do whatever they want.
Phineas: Watch your step, ladies! That's mud down there! Baljeet's suggestion!
(Cut to Buford and Baljeet still inside the giant worm.)
Doofenshmirtz: (realizing he is looking through his hands) One day I gotta ask Norm what he did with my binoculars.
Ginger: Congratulations, Stacy!
Stacy: Ha! Now I'm like you! I have a trophy!
- Main article: Phineas and Ferb: Mission Marvel/Memorable Quotes
Carl: ♪ Monty and Vanessa, sittin' in a tree... ♪
Monty: Alright, Carl, I get it, what do you want?
Carl: I want your father to disown you, and adopt me.
Doofenshmirtz: Wow, so that's what the inside of a platypus smells like? Could've gone my whole life without knowing that.
Monty: Don't worry, Carl. Once you save my father's life, there's no way even he could avoid thanking you for it.
Carl: I hope for your sake that you're right.
(The camera zooms out to show a piano hanging above the table Carl and Monty are sitting at)
Major Monogram: (after Carl saves his life)Oh, that was a close one! Carl, it's a shame you couldn't save the table.
Peggy McGee: I'll be out before the time her mom serves pie!
Buford: Hey! How'd they get that big horse in that tiny door?
Baljeet: Buford, just try imagining a larger door.
Candace: Book club is in three hours! Bye!
Phineas: Wow, she must be a fast reader.
Buford: And they say Rome wasn't built in a day.
Irving: Uh, technically, that's not Rome, that's supposed to be Troy.
Baljeet: (From the Castle) In case you are wondering, the word you are looking for is, "impenetrable"!
Buford: Actually the word I was looking for is decimate!
Buford: Yeah, we're gonna need a bigger army. Irving, break out my recruitment fustanella.
Irving: You mean the little Greek skirt--?
Irving: (singing) Troy! Troy! Troy! (music stops) Troy! -- Oh, it's all over.
Buford: (reveals a robotic wooden T-Rex) Ha! I bet you didn't see a Trojan T-Rex with a laser cannon mouth and laser cannon eyes coming. Did you?
Phineas: Well, he's got me there.
Vanessa: This is a big night for me, my boyfriend's coming. Oh, here he is right now.
(Jeremy, dressed as a Scarlet Pimpernel enters.)
Phineas: Hey, look at you! You're Isabellarella.
Isabella: If I lose a slipper tonight, you know where to find me.
Vanessa: Monty should've been here by now. (Another Scarlet Pimpernel approaches her.) Finally. Wait, who are you?
Scarlet Pimpernel 1: I'm the Scarlet Pimpernel.
Major Monogram: Monty, is that you?! With the daughter of my sworn enemy?! It can't be!! (Walks up to the Pimpernel next to Vanessa.) Alright, Monty, you've got a lot of explaining to—
Stacy: Oh, hello, Mr. Water and Power Guy.
Hipster Guy: Excuse me?
Mr. Macabre: What?
Various: Cheese and crackers!
Doofenshmirtz: (to Perry) You should know that that mysterious book that you are trapped in has a very interesting chapter about...♪ Bum bum bum!! ♪...the inexplicable Giant Floating Baby Head! (Thunder and lightning) Wow! That was weird. Wonder if that's gonna happen every time I say, "The inexplicable Giant Floating Baby Head." (Thunder and lightning) Oh, cool! Hey, watch this! The inexplicable Giant Floating Baby HHHHam Sandwich. (thunder and lightning) Ah!
Phineas: This is such a Halloween thing to happen in the middle of summer.
Buford: (on Phineas) I can smell his brain working.
Baljeet: Oh, sure, blame it on Phineas.
Major Monogram: Ooh, ooh, oh, get it off! G-Get it off! Ooh! Uh, just walked through a spiderweb. Don't you just hate that? Ya spend the rest of the day worried there's a spider on ya. (shudders) Gives me the willies. Anyhoo, our sources tell us there's a cowboy hat in front of Doof's building. Normally, that wouldn't be of any interest to us, since this is the week of the Danville Hootenanny, but it is a rather large hat and, in spite of its name, the Danville Hootenanny is a dignified affair. I wish I had more information, but Carl said there was a big bee by the surveillance equipment. So get out there, Agent P! Ooh! Carl, is there... (turns around revealing a huge tarantula on his back) is there a spider on my head?
Carl: (offscreen) No, sir. There's no spider...on your head.
Doofenshmirtz: (to the giant bat) AHH! Get away get away get away!! Scram, you flying gerbil!!
Narrator: Meanwhile, at the Danville Space Laboratory...
The sign reads "Danville Space Labrador"
Candace: So what does your father do here?
Jeremy: Oh, he's part of a team that makes and manages reconnaissance satellites. They actually had a couple of rovers on Mars earlier this summer. But they suddenly stopped working. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?
Linda: So you could look down on anybody's backyard and see what they're doing?
Jeremy: Pretty cool, huh?
A printer prints out a flat daffodil, which folds itself into an origami daffodil, and emits a scent.
Buford: Nice touch! Smells like my grandma!
Phineas: These should really make Jeremy's Birthday Scrapbook-aganza a full sensory experience!
Buford: (sarcastically) Great, just what I always wanted: to fully sense Jeremy.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Alright, so what are you afraid of, where is it? (looks around) What the hay? Nothing? (A business card slips through the ropes. Doof takes the card and reads it.) "Perry the Platypus: O.W.C.A. agent - Fearless." Huh. That figures. I guess you'll just hafta...hang around! Ha ha ha! Oh, wait, this one's better: I'll just leave you here because you're all tied up! Ha ha ha! W-W-Wait, one last one, you're gonna love it: See ya later because it isn't my tail that's upside down! (No response.) No? No no, I shoulda stuck with the first two, you're right.
Man: I guess my fortune came true. "You will share your cocoa with a long-necked teenager." See? Right there.
Woman: Mine just says, "Your boyfriend's gonna get a fortune cookie at a French café."
Phineas: Well, Candace, do you think Jeremy will like it?
Candace: (seriously) Yeah, I just have a few notes here. (Excitedly, as she reveals she drew a smiley face on the clipboard.) It's perfect! (gasps) I love it, guys! Iloveitiloveitiloveitiloveitiloveitiloveitiloveitiloveitiloveit....Phineas: (to Ferb) She had me at "smiley face".
Baljeet: Uh, did anyone else see that weird green beam?
Buford: I wasn't gonna mention it.
Phineas: What've we got so far?
Ferb: I've got a bottle cap and a brass nail.
Buford: Man, that pet of yours gives me the creeps.
Phineas: Oh, come on, Buford. You know swans don't do much.
Von Doofenshmirtz: Sweary the Swan, how completely unforeseen is your presence. And by that, I mean, completely foreseen!
Sweary: squawks at Von-Doofenshmirtz
Candace: Is that a steam-powered chore doing device? You are so going to get it! Get back here, you steam-punks!
Pnorman: Sir, I found your coin!
Von Doofenshmirtz: That's not a coin, that's my daughter, you dolt!
Von Doofenshmirtz: Hear that, Sweary the Swan? That is the sound of (WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!!!) aerosol cheese!
Farmer's Wife: I don't believe it! A fuzzy doll in the shape of a bear? It's the end of deceny!
Farmer: You didn't believe in me or anthropomorphism.
Phineas: All our chores are done and it's still light out. What else do you guys wanna do today?
Baljeet: We could drink lemonade and sit on the porch.
Linda: Candace, it's 1903! We do not use that word!
Von Doofenshmirtz: (dropping down into the present day backyard) Man, how long was I up there?
Danny Jacob: (after playing the standard guitar opening riff) Dude, somebody's got to play it, right?
Lyla: (on line at Agent-Con) Yet again, I am the only girl.
Phineas: Now that you're here, we can play doubles for twice the fun!
Buford: I'll be the judge of that.
Doofenshmirtz: I'll just have to tell you my evil plan subliminally, like, like when people listen to foreign language CDs in their sleep. I did that once and now I can totally speak Portuguese to sleeping people.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I could get used to this good luck thing. It's better than having a genie. That was a mistake.
Janitor: Hey, do you guys have a permit to do sports commentary on this roof?
Linda: Candace, I'm going to the store, do you need anything?
Candace: Nah, I'm good.
Major Monogram: Morning, Agent P. As you can see, I, uh, I've had a little shaving mishap with this defective electric razor. Just not comfortable with my eyebrows moving independently of each other.
Carl: (offscreen) But you are rockin' the reverse mohawk, sir!
Adrian: Let's look at an incomprehensible map of the race course, shall we?
(Cut to the map.)
Bouncer: Monsieur, there are no pets allowed in the casino.
Doofenshmirtz: What? He's not my mysterious platypus. I didn't bring him in here! I just—Oh, oh, you mean the cat. (Doof takes a white cat from under the table and leaves.) Yeah, my bad.
Doofenshmirtz: Hasta la pasta, baby!
Nigel: I say, that is an unprecedented amount of contact shunts and shenanigans!
- Main article: Phineas and Ferb Save Summer/Memorable Quotes
Major Monogram: Morning, Agent P. I see you're trying out the new SFU 2000. It's a lot of fun, but don't let your duties slide.
Doofenshmirtz: Sorry for the lack of inflight meals or entertainment, Perry the Platypus, but one cannon can only go so far, so I set up a worldwide network.
Lawrence: (voice breaking in tears) Thank you so much, boys! I can't think of a better Father's Day gift!
Phineas: Actually, there's a hidden feature you might wanna check out.
Doofenshmirtz: Okay, so the gnome tracker located my father's long lost lawn gnome to this location. (He opens the door and gasps.) There it is! (He picks up a lawn gnome, but it talks.)
Gnome: Hey, put me down!
Doofenshmirtz: (knocks and opens the door) Hello? Father? You're never going to guess what I brought y— (He trips on the floor mat and the gnome shatters to pieces.)
Doofenshmirtz's Dad: Oh, hello, Heinz.
Doofenshmirtz: (to Perry) You are my rock. And by that, I mean you're there for me, you're not made out of rock. You're actually made out of...well, platypus, probably.
Lawrence: Well, that was the best Father's Day flight yet! It brought back some some wonderful old memories and created a lot of new ones. Thank you, boys, for making this possible!
Linda: Hi, honey! Hi, boys! So how was your day?
Lawrence: Oh, the boys and I spent a wonderful day flying with Father!
Linda: Well, here's something special from Candace and me.
Candace: (giving her father a gift box) Here you go!
Doofenshmirtz: (reading) "To the most evil dad in the whole world, Happy Father's Day. Love, Vanessa." Aw, a gift basket of switches and self-destruct buttons. (pushes a self-destruct button) That's my girl!
Phineas: Also, that's yesterday's paper.
Linda: I thought the city council was getting a little redundant.
Isabella: But that was just one big puff of air! How can we fly kites like that?
Phineas: Simple! Irving has volunteered to keep puffing air into the intake. (Irving is seen climbing up a ladder.)
Floraine: Een - nul voor haar. ("One - nil.")
Pierre: No, I didn't get the money up front.
Doofenshmirtz: Ha ha! You fell for the old spring-loaded-cable-trap-hidden-in-a-ring-box trick. What the? Th-that's a thing.
Doofenshmirtz: I don't know how they got the picture in the magazine so quick. I guess they're trying to compete with the internet.
Doofenshmirtz: What? Oh, you think it's petty that I've held onto this grudge for so long. Well, it's not. It's evil, or something. It's not petty!
Candace: Mom, I need to go into my closet and tell me what--
Linda: (places hand on forehead) Candace, I- look- call me in a few minutes. I'm a little ticked off right now.
Buford: Just remember, Baljeet, a captain always goes down with the ship. (gives hat to Baljeet)
Baljeet: Oh boy, a promotion.
Floraine: Ja, ik heb water in mijn laarzen. ("I've got water in my boots.")
Linda: (with still hand on forehead) What did he say?
Grulinda: Wait! Is that... hold on one second. (reaches for glasses and puts them on, then gasps) Soggy bottom Heinz Doofenshmirtz! It is you.
Doofenshmirtz: Wow, you've changed. You used to be so... you know, what's the polite way to say... you know, like this one? (points to mean woman) Ugly.
(Cut to landscapers showing off a garden sculpture of a woman, part-body, holding a bunch of flowers and thorns with her eyes closed.)
Pierre: She holds the thorns with symbolizes the hardships of being a mom, and she holds pink jasmine, which symbolizes the joy of children.
Grulinda: Oh, why are you all wet?
Doofenshmirtz: He, he, funny thing. I was flying over your party with a giant bucket of water, and this platypus hit me with a--
Grulinda: Have you been holding this petty grudge all these years?
(The mean woman reappears with a cup of water.)
Pierre: (angrily) I have never been so insulted in my life! (Cut to inside of truck.) She called it sweet and adorable!
Floraine: Zere voeten en nog steeds nat. Getverderrie. ("My feet hurt and they are wet.")
Major Monogram: Agent P, we have a situation. Dennis the Rogue Agent, formerly our most wanted rodent—
Carl: (offscreen) Lagomorph, sir.
Major Monogram: If this isn't the work of Doofenshmirtz, (Perry takes off) then Carl will eat my hat.
Carl: (offscreen) Hey!
Doofenshmirtz: You can come out now, Dennis the Rabbit! (The disco ball opens revealing Dennis in cutesy animal mode.) Aw, look how cute! He's cute! (to Norm) Isn't he cute, Norm?
Norm: He's adorable! And so soft...and warm...and squishy!
Doofenshmirtz: I always wanted a rodent for a partner.
Norm: (offscreen) Lagomorph, sir.
Doofenshmirtz: I like to call it my Transmogrification-Backpack-inator! (straps it on Dennis) It'll give you a robotic exoskeleton that can transform into almost anything. And it's perfect to wear undercover, so no one will ever suspect. Except, maybe, to say, "Hey, look, there's a rabbit wearing a backpack."
Candace: It's true. Ferb told me. It's called rennet, Stacy. They scrape it from the lining of a calf's stomach to make cheese.
Stacy: And yet, when I wanna talk about sushi, you say it's disgusting.
Stacy: (in reaction to Candace getting her rabbit back) Stay down, breakfast. Stay down.
Candace: Cutie Patootie, I got your chowsie-wowsie! (gasps) Oh! Stacy, he's gone! Where do you think he went?
Stacy: Maybe he's down at the docks.
Doofenshmirtz: Time to see how my little friend is doing. (to the camera) You see, I installed a bunch of nanobot cameras on his backpack.
Norm: Who installed them?
Phineas: The big difference is that the marionette has strings, while a puppet is hollow, so it can be manipulated from within. But that doesn't mean that a marionette can't be hollow or a puppet has strings. The thing to remember is that some people take the subject very seriously, even though, technically, there's no difference grammatically. I looked it up.
Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, Perry the—blub! (Coughs.) Platypus. I was trying to say, "Platypus."
Doofenshmirtz: (drifting away on the puppet) Okay, I guess I'll see you both later. Unless I miss my guess, I'm on my way to...Norway, so, uh, take it easy, Dennis the Rogue Rabbit and uh, curse you, Perry the Platypus!
Candace: (offscreen) Mr. Patootie! (cut to Candace and Stacy) Where are you?
Stacy: There he is!
Major Monogram: (appearing in disguise with Carl, also in disguise) Oh, look! There he is! My pet bunny, Mr. Bigelow! I've been lookin' everywhere for you! Get over here, you naughty lagomorph!
Candace: But he's... (to Phineas) Do I have to?
Candace: Okay, what are you doing? And what has to do with my brothers?
Isabella: Um, it's something of a delicate matter.
Isabella: Here we go. Let's just take a look -- You know, I'm kinda hungry.
Phineas: Well then, why not just have a picnic?
Holly: Oh no! We've got a code Irving!
Gretchen: Strike team deploy!
Baljeet: Try our famous Tjinder family vindaloo!
Buford: No, no. Try our Van Stomm family bitterballen!
Linda: Come on Candace, let's go home.
Candace: But, but, but... a whole park.
Candace: Check out my Klimpy style!
Stacy: Girl, I have already cashed that check, and I don't even know what that means.
Doofenshmirtz: P-Perry the Platypus, are you texting while I'm monologuing?!
Mr. Random: Mittington Random here, sponsor of the show and President of Random Swimwear. You're welcome. According to the rules, when a fact-based song is called into question, physical proof must be presented here within 24 hours.
Danny: How are we supposed to do that?
Buford: What about that cave up there with the weird Klimpaloon-shaped totem?
Baljeet: If Buford is now the brains of this operation, my life has lost all meaning!
Mr. Random: Got 'im!
All: Mr. Random!
Max Modem: And then, the hobo gave it back to me, quixotically. And that was the day before we met! So the next day at breakfast, I ordered poached eggs with salmon. But I didn't have poached eggs with salmon! Ha ha!
Candace: Get us down from here!
Mr. Random: Uh, that really didn't align with my plans, so... not... gonna happen.
Phineas: We've gotta save him!
Baljeet: But how? Mr. Random is already miles away. We have no idea where he is going and no way to get there except on foot!
Candace: Let's look around. Maybe we can find some clues.
Buford: See? Now that's constructive.
Candace: Follow that thread!
Baljeet: We cannot follow a thread.
Doofenshmirtz: Aw, man, Roger's not on 'til the end of the show? Can't you get him back sooner?
Stagehand: No. Who do you think you are?
Candace: Now what?
Phineas: Okay. (gets into the snow and maps out a diagram) I'll just create a diversion here so that Buford and Baljeet can flank them from the left. Ferb can then use his intimidating shout to scatter them so that Isabella can come in from behind. That should work unless they have reinforcements. What do you think, Baljeet? Can you give me a number crunch real quick?
Doofenshmirtz: Y'know, it's not the same without Perry the Platypus. I can't believe he ditched me. One lousy award and he goes all diva! Pfft!
Mr. Random: (after singing his jingle) Pretty catchy, doncha think?
Buford: If by "catchy", you mean "sucks the life outta the room and makes me wanna puke"...then yeah.
Phineas: C'mon, guys! Now's our chance to free Klimpaloon and—
Buford: BUFORD VAN STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!!!
Candace: So what do we do?
Phineas: Save Klimpaloon, of course!
Drummer: I thought you said you'd stop at nothing to keep them from finding Klimpaloon.
Slamm: That's right. I did nothing and stopped.
(Klimpaloon begins to magically float over the audience and the audience oohs in amazement.)
Linda (as Lindana): Wow, he really is magical!
Mr. Random: (menacingly) Look at them. Enjoying their triumph. "Ooh, we're so happy! We saved Klimpaloon! Let's all sing!" Well, enjoy it now, because I will get my hands on Klimpaloon! I'll unravel his secret, even if I have to rip him apart, stitch by stitch and then, the moronic people of the world will beat a path to my door, and beg for my cheap Klimpaloon knockoff line, 'cause consumers are just like lemmings, brainless little animals that I can manipulate right off the fiscal cliff like the puppet master that I am!
Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, Perry the...I guess he doesn't really get credit for this one. He was just playing tambourine with Swine Flute. It's not really.... (sighs) Well....Sort of anticlimactic for me.
Isabella: Thanks for showing me the old scrapbooks, Nana. I love hearing about the old days. Tell me again about string art. And what was it like to get up and change the channel on the TV?
Nana's Friend: Oh, that's so cute, honey. Look at how old-fashioned I still am. I'm writing a letter. By hand.
Isabella: Wow. I've been wanting to tell someone how I feel for a long time, now.
Nana's Friend: Really? I've got an extra pen and paper!
Isabella: So Nana, when Grandpa got your letter, did he come running to you and sweep you into his arms?
Nana Shapiro: What? Oh no. I never mailed it. I'm not brave like you. I mean, he would've laughed at me or shown the letter to his friends. Can you imagine the embarrassment?
Linda: Hon, why do you have all these boxes of take out food thingys?
Lawrence: It's such a waste to get rid of them. See? Look. Chopsticks and Ponzu sauce. That's Japanese but-but look, there's also a Chinese fortune cookie, that's what's known as fusion.
Carl: Excuse me, sir. I believe horoscopes are meant for entertainment rather to be taken as fact.
Major Monogram: Of course, you think that, Carl. You're a Capricorn.
Isabella: I just mailed a letter stating my true feelings to Phineas and we need to stop him before he reads it! This mission is top priority! I call it "Operation Crumb Cake"!
Ginger: Crumb Cake? Is that what you called him?
Doofenshmirtz: No wonder my evil schemes keep failing! And that is why I invented the Unretrograde-inator! You know, to reverse my bad luck. And I know that Unretrograde is sort of a double negative. It sounds like I'm making Mercury go forwards but I'm actually sending it backwards from going backwards which happens to look forward but it isn't. You know what? Basically, it's a Reverse-inator but... Unretrograde-inator! It sounded more astrology-y.
Isabella: We'll never catch them this way! But we will get that letter back! No matter how nicely or politely we have to ask!
Doofenshmirtz: (to Perry) Does this make sense to you? Listen. "Someone is secretly speaking on your behalf."
Norm: (offscreen) Time to unmake the coffee.
Isabella: Any questions?
Gretchen: Yeah. How long has this mailbox been here?
Norm: Wow, is he hard to catch!
Doofenshmirtz: You're just noticing this, huh?
Phineas: Here, Baljeet has thoughtfully recreated Gainsborough's The Blue Boy completely in red pepper flakes.
Baljeet: (revealing his eyes are red, teary and bloodshot) I wish I would have thoughtfully recreated an eyewash station. Sheesh!
Ginger: Excuse me, but do you have a letter in your bag addressed to Danville resident Phineas Flynn?
Postwoman: (searches in her bag) Hmm, looks like I do.
Norm: Come back here! Now I've got-- (Perry spins the inator and it hits Norm.) --rhythm?
(Perry pushes the self-destruct button. To his surprise nothing happens. He ponders for a moment and tries pressing again repeatedly.)
Doofenshmirtz: Ha! Gotcha! See, I began to think, "If only I had a nickel for every time you pushed my inator's self-destruct button", and then it hit me. You wouldn't have a nickel either because you don't have any pockets! Wait, wait, wait, what are you-?! (Perry takes off his fedora revealing a nickel on his head.) Oh, I forgot about your hat. (Perry puts the nickel in the slot.) Curse you, Perry the Pla--
Baljeet: How about these helicopter blades?
Phineas: Just lean 'em up against the tree for now.
Major Monogram: Idea for TV spinoff: "Platypus in a Staircase".
Candace: Stace, the thing with boys is I just don't get them. You think they're saying one thing, but then you don't know if they really mean something else. They're like those Egyptian drawings that no one understands.
Stacy: You mean like hieroglyphics? Those were deciphered in the early 1800s after they found the Rosetta Stone.
Doofenshmirtz: Rather than move or shell out extra cash, I can use this device to create a holographic field around myself, impersonate the pizza delivery boy, and pick up my own pizza. It'll still be warm, but then I said Heinz, Heinz, you're-you're thinking too small. Why not think of pizza boy's boss, but then I said Heinz, Heinz, and I said what? I'm right here. Stop saying my name. And then I said why be the pizza boy's boss when you can be the pizza franchise owner?
Doofenshmirtz: Whoops. One pizza delivery boy, comin' up! I don't know who that was for. It was such a good line. It would've been a shame to hold it back. It's uh, oh hush.
Candace: Stacy, Phineas and Ferb have turned me into a holographic image of a pizza boy!
Stacy: Cool. Can I have a veggie special with non-dairy cheese?
Stacy: Hey, too bad Jeremy didn't order a pizza. Then, you can hang out with him and find out what guys talk about.
Candace: Brilliant! (gasps; laughs)
Isabella: Did you order a pizza?
Doofenshmirtz: And then I thought, why be a brigadier general when I can be a major general? I mean, why not? Right? I'm a modern guy. And then I thought, maybe I'm still shooting too low. Why be a major general when I can be a lieutenant general? And then I thought, why-- (Perry slaps him) Ow! What, do you have a blowtorch under your tail or something?
Jeremy and Coltrane's friend: (repeated line) What?
Coltrane: I have a feeling if Jeremy doesn't wash that shirt soon, it's gonna be reported as a health hazard.
Candace: I have really been underestimating Stacy's conversational skills.
Doofenshmirtz: Okay. I can tell by the way you're looking at me that I'm suddenly the twenty-sixth president of the United States, Teddy Roosevelt. Downside is: I'll be succeeded by William Taft. Blech! The upside, Perry the Platypus, is that the hero of San Juan Hill was a heck of a pugilist. Put up your dukes. Come on.
(Perry gets turned into a gorilla)
(Doofenshmirtz gets turned into a pig.)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, come on! (Perry gets turned into a football player) Oh, I get it. Pig skin.
Doofenshmirtz: (as a velociraptor) Oh, great! Where am I supposed to find a paleo-orthodontist?
Phineas: Okay, Ferb. Fire it up. (Ferb turns on the machine) Ah. Congratulations, guys. We're the first humans ever to taste blueberry air.
Buford: Eh, I'm more of a lingonberry kind of guy.
Buford: (to Candace) I'll take a large pie with andouille sausage and chocolate chips.
Candace: First of all: Ew. Why would you eat that? And second: I'm not a pizza boy!
Phineas: We were just makin' blueberry air.
Candace: Why blueberry? Why not lingonberry?
Candace: Buford is like, the eighth person to order pizza from me. And that's not even how you order pizza.
Buford: I guess my pizza orders aren't goin' in. WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE BUFORD?!?!
- Main article: Phineas and Ferb: Star Wars/Memorable Quotes
Phineas: It's a mystery, Ferb. A riddle. Whispering a secret to an enigma while driving down a lost highway in an Escher painting. How do they get the toothpaste into the tube?
Phineas: I think I'm actually running out of ideas here.
Isabella: And pianos.
Buford: I know the secret of how to open that hatch!
Phineas: You do?
Doofenshmirtz: Uh, hello! Anyone there? Marco! Y-you're supposed to say Polo! There better be a satisfying explanation for this when it's over or I'm gonna be merciless on my blog!
Baljeet: What mysteries does it contain? (gasps) Perhaps dozens of strange Schrödinger's cats!
Buford: But I ain't cleaning that litter box.
Doofenshmirtz: (gasps) Peter the Panda? Oh, that was a good shot of me. Oh, and that one. That one, too. And that one, that one was terrible, my nose looked all crooked, eh, it needed scribbling on it.
Doofenshmirtz: Hello, inky shape hovering in the darkness, what gives?
Shadowy Figure: It is I. Professor Mystery.
Baljeet: Wait. You have a hamster that's allergic to air?
Bernie: You must believe me! Because I'm you from the future!
Baljeet: Well, that cannot be good!
Buford: Well, you did hit it with a lot of pianos.
Professor Mystery: How did you get chorus girls in here?
Doofenshmirtz: Eh, they're union, they'll travel.
Doofenshmirtz: Come on, Perry the Platypus. Let's go home. I talk to you enough, right? Yeah, you're right. Maybe too much.
Phineas: The first one to complete 50 laps around the sun wins the Galaxy 5000! Technically, it should be "The Galaxy 50", but, y'know, "The Galaxy 5000" sounds so much cooler.
Albert: Pluto is go!
Irving: Albert?! What are you doing here?! Pluto isn't even a planet!
Doofenshmirtz: Okay, so now that we got the basics covered, we can get to the fun part. Let's start with trapping your nemesis. (Cut to Perry with a nametag lanyard on taking notes. He gets trapped by the lanyard.) Nametag, you're it!
Perry: (chatters angrily)
Bald Man: (speaking in a female voice) Wait a second! He's just motivated to buy your junk! This is nothin' but a money-makin' scam!
Doofenshmirtz: Exactly, what better motivation is there?
Trucker: 'Scuse me, I don't normally run into strangers' backyards, but I'm inexplicably motivated to buy your solar system racetrack. How much?
Baljeet: Five bucks.
Phineas: Well, that was a lot of interplanetary fun!
Buford: Plus, we made five bucks!
- Main article: Night of the Living Pharmacists/Memorable Quotes
Female Voice: (whispering) I am ashparash!
Phineas-2: So how's the "summer fun" coming along, Dr. Baljeet?
Major Monogram-2: We captured Doofenshmirtz. Nothing left to resist. And it would look foolish to just stand there, resisting nothing... Well, unless you're a mime. Then it would look totally cool.
Isabella-2: Candace? Candace? Come in, Candace!
Candace-2: (Takes off her shades and turns around) Isabella? Oh, hey.
Isabella-2: In the meantime, I'd like to introduce you to a little thing the kids are calling "ice cream". (runs down the hill)
Candace-2: "I scream?" W-What is that? Some kind of weird yelling game?
Candace-2: Ow! Ow!
Isabella-2: Candace, you have to eat the ice cream slowly.
Candace-2: Monogram, we just got ambushed at the picnic. This has Doofenshmirtz written all over it.
Major Monogram-2: (on screen) Well, that's impossible. He's right here in our detention facility. I-I-I just played checkers with him. (He cheats, by the way.)
Major Monogram-2: Ah, well, I didn't want to say anything before, but we kind of lost track of some of the agents when Doof took over.
Candace-2: How many did you lose?
Candace-2: All right, Doofenshmirtz, what do you know about robotic picnic ants and a fist-full of cyborgs?
Doofenshmirtz-2: Ants at a picnic? So it's a...it's a rhetorical question, is it?
Doofenshmirtz-2: Well, it wasn't me. There is, however, another Doofenshmirtz.
Candace-2: Vanessa! I knew it!
Buford-2: Now this is as much fun as bustin' rocks for the state!
Major Monogram-2: We've had Doofenshmirtz moved to this interrogation room so Candace Flynn can question him thoroughly.
Carl-2: Are you sure he can't see you?
Candace-2: Alright, knock it off, glamour boy.
Doofenshmirtz-2: I just haven't seen a mirror for two months. Did my hair always look like this?
Candace-2: Just park your caboose in that chair.
Doofenshmirtz-2: Choo-Choo is not a caboose. It's an engine.
Candace-2: You know why I'm here and you better cooperate, because there are worse things than sittin' in a cold, dank prison cell with your little choo-choo train.
Doofenshmirtz-2: Like what?
Candace-2: How do I get in?
Doofenshmirtz-2: You would have to pass through the identification scrutinizer. Only a Doofenshmirtz can get through.
Doofenshmirtz-2: Hey, kids! Where do you keep the silverware?
Phineas-2: Wow, cool restraints.
Candace-2: Actually, he asked for this stuff.
Candace-2: Wow, the identity scrutinizer is really thorough.
(Cut to reveal Doof-2 scanning his butt.)
Vanessa-2: Uh, Mom, Tony Marzulo asked me out to the movies. Can I go?
Charlene-2: (getting her nails filed by a rat-borg) Didn't your father banish him?
Candace-2: Okay, I get it, you're still married. But why would you send the ants to the picnic? You had to know we'd come after you.
Charlene-2: Of course. And I also knew you would use Heinz to get in the building, bringing my husband back to me and getting you here, so I could get the drop on you.
Charlene-2: Well, Heinz, shall we retake over the Tri-State Area now?
Doofenshmirtz-2: Actually, I-I-I don't really wanna be an evil dictator anymore. I've got everything I need right here. (He gives Choo-Choo to Charlene-2.) My Choo-Choo, my family, this lovely penthouse, my freedom and... (Cut to outside as Choo-Choo is thrown out the window.) Choo-Choo!!! Backstory reforming... Evil returning... I, uh... I'm back, baby!!!
Candace-2: Jail is a mental game. They're going to try to break us, you'll see. Seconds become hours, hours become years, until the mere thought of freedom flutters out of our consciousness like a dying butterfly. (The cell door opens.)
Phineas-2: You're right, that did seem like forever.
(Cut to outside the penthouse where the mechanical ant is butting his head against the side of the building.)
Dr. Baljeet: (offscreen) That is not how to make it climb, Buford.
Doofenshmirtz-2: Wow, y-you know, Charlene, you're really on top of things here. Tomorrow, I'm taking you shopping for a new evil pantsuit.
Isabella-2: So much for our ride home.
(Doof-2 runs behind a chair.)
Charlene-2: Seriously, how did he ever run this place without me?
Charlene-2: End of the line, kid! What a shame! I'll make ya an offer. I could get rid of you right now or you could join me. You could be the leader of my cyborg army.
Candace-2: (smiling) Actually, it looks like your cyborg army may have changed their minds.
Candace-2: It's all over, Charlene. (The reformed animal agents surround her.) Now surrender.
Charlene-2: Ha! (presses a remote causing another capsule to come out of the floor) A Doofenshmirtz never surrenders! We fight until the last man!
Vanessa-2: Listen, Mom, Dad, come here. You guys, I'm only gonna say this once. (breathes) RUN!!!
Vanessa-2: Mom, Dad, this is Tony Marzulo.
Tony: Hey, Mr. and Mrs. D.
Candace-2: Hey, yourself.
Becky: Hey, Vanessa! How was your summer?
Vanessa: Oh, the basic. Pretty cool when I was at my mom's and okay when I was at my dad's. Did you know in July, he actually removed all the blue from all the paintings at the museum? All the blue!
Johnny: Just take the dissection tray and use its wax foundation to cradle my broken heart, Vanessa!
Principal Lang: Just so you know, Heinz, I've got my eye on you. I miss nothing. (trips into the janitor's closet)
Johnny: So you're Vanessa's dad? I'm Johnny.
Doofenshmirtz: Didn't she dump you?
Mrs. Pierpoint: Principal Lang, are you brooding again?
Principal Lang: Why does everyone always think I'm brooding? It's my brow, isn't it?
Mrs. Pierpoint: Well, maybe it's time to give up your grudge.
Principal Lang: Give up a grudge? Never! What do you think this brow is for?
Floyd: Sorry, sir. Ran into a spider web. Lost my wings.
Napoleon: They're behind you, Floyd.
Wendell: Sir, let me throw it! I'm the muscle!
Napoleon: You're the muscle?
Napoleon: Hmm. Well, we have a limited air supply. Floyd, stop breathing.
Perry's theme music: ♪ Doo bee doo bee doo bah ♪
Male Student 2: Is that a real platypus?
Doofenshmirtz: No! It's a.... it's a man. It's a deformed, tiny...turquoise man.
Doofenshmirtz: Okay, and the rest of you, Muscles, Ropey Face, Slap-Happy, Buzzy-Pants, stay here and help me with the antidote.
Ropey-Face: Wait, why am I Ropey-Face?
Napoleon: Expedition journal, entry three. We have bivouacked on a landing halfway up the cliffs.
Wendell: I don't remember bivouacking.
Napoleon: What I'm worried about is, what are we going to tell the giants about ourselves?
Wendell: Floyd throws up on his food.
Floyd: I think I just bivouacked again.
Doofenshmirtz: Careful. Careful. Everything depends on getting the mixture precise. (Becky drops the liquid into the beaker. Doof stirs it with a straw and drinks it.) Mmm. Excellent. Now that's how you make a Shirley Temple. Hey, Muscles, how's the antidote coming?
Vanessa: Oh, you're such a drama queen. See, this... This is why we broke up!
Doofenshmirtz: Alright, now, how're we gonna... Nobody has a crossbow, do they?
Becky: I do! (beat) What? Why, is that weird?
Phineas: Aw man! I can't wait 'til we get to high school! It looks like so much fun!
Johnny: Vanessa, you saved my life!
Vanessa: Oh, please don't read anything into this.
Principal Lang: What in the bell?
Napoleon: We've done it! We've reached the summit! Unfurl the banner, boys, and follow me! This is it! My entire existence has been leading to this moment, so that I can say... "Weclom Ginats!" (realizes what the banner says) Wait, what? "Weclom Ginats?!"
Wendell: What does that mean?
Vanessa: (walking up to her father) Dad? (sighs) So, you're my teacher now.
Doofenshmirtz: I'm your teacher now.
Napoleon: Ugh. I do believe I've fractured my exoskeleton.
Wendell: And I bivouacked!
Phineas: Yeah, things seemed a lot easier when we were young and waiting for our voices to drop.
Baljeet: [deep voice] Hey, guys. (coughs, normal voice) Oh! Something was caught in my throat.
Baljeet: I was just giving Buford some pointers on collegiate life. Since I've already graduated and have been accepted as a professor, I could pull some strings and get him into my school. Just think, Buford. You could be my student! I could be the boss of you!
Buford: Don't get too excited. I'm goin' to film school. I'm concentratin' on tragedies. The story of a struggling orphan's transcendental search for meaning in a post-apocalyptic society.
Candace: And that concludes my dissertation on modern investigative techniques for establishing proof of guilt with or without physical evidence.
(The judges all give her a standing ovation.)
Buford: Hey, the epic struggle of a triangle-headed boy: to choose between two schools.
Baljeet: Pretentious alert.
Irving: (on the phone) Sir, it's the old Evil Scientist Alert System! It's showing inator activity on a Doctor Dooferdsmits.
(Split screen to reveal Carl, now much older and wearing a uniform and mustache much like Major Monogram did.)
Buford: (looking in the fridge) Why do parents buy such weird food? Everything's lite, low, non, free, or diet.
Phineas: Well, why didn't you guys ever tell me?
Baljeet: We are guys. We do not talk about feelings.
Doofenshmirtz: I wanna do something fun and exciting and...also incredibly stupid.
Holly: Ginger, are you texting Baljeet again?
Ginger: Yeah, we're at odds deciding what movie to see later. He wants to go to the one about that planet and I want to see the one with that guy.
Isabella: Do we have chopped liver? What do you think this place is? Chopped li— Oh, that doesn't really work.
Buford: Ginger texting you again?
Baljeet: Yes. The girls want to get Phineas and Isabella together.
Doofenshmirtz: Hey, this is one of those fancy sailing yachts! We could sail around the world in this thing! We could, we could visit exotic ports, fight pirates! We'd like a couple of seafaring Huck Finns and the ocean would be our home! Or maybe we could wrestle some alligators! No, wait, even better, sports car!
Nana Shapiro: Phineas, look at me. If you have anything you need to say to her, you'd better go over to the restaurant and say it. Her summer's almost over.
Phineas: I—You're right. Thanks! (he runs off)
Gretchen: When they first walk in, we'll play the songs I put on this playlist. They're all about love, and it will trigger them to start thinking about love. Then we have these streamers and balloons in both of their favorite colors, which will stimulate the romantic centers of their brains making them think about love.
Katie: What if it doesn't?
Doofenshmirtz: Sure you don't have anything else that's more ridiculous or irresponsible?
Salesman: Nope. This is as dumb as they come.
Doofenshmirtz: So, what else ya got?
Salesman: We've got another one just like it, but in yellow.
Buford: Oh, yeah, it's the perfect romantic setting out there. It will be like love kicked them both in the face.
Baljeet: Buford, the table looks great, but there is one thing that will make it perfect.
Ms. Garcia-Shapiro: Phineas, honey, how are you?
Phineas: Hi Ms. Garcia-Shapiro. Uh, is Isabella here?
Adyson: Alright, let's get 'em over here now. (takes out her cell phone) Oh, wait, I don't have any charge.
Gretchen: Oh, this is her old number.
Doofenshmirtz: (to the jump instructor) Hi there. Y-Y'know, one of the best things about being a successful scientist is that I get to meet lots of attractive women, such as yourself.
Jump Instructor: You want to know the best part about being a jump instructor?
Lawrence: Linda! I don't know what's come over me, but I'm starting to get the most wild and uninhibited ideas! You know how every day for the last 20 years I've relaxed with a nice cup of Earl Grey? Well, not today, Linda! Today, I'm putting out all the stops! Darjeeling!
Linda: You...are a madman.
Phineas: You know, Baljeet said something funny. He said you had a crush on me back in grade school.
Isabella: Oh. Yeah. I had a big crush on you.
Jeff "Swampy" Marsh: (sobbing) I can't believe it! It seems like only yesterday we were drawing our first doodles of these kids on the place mats of that...
Dan Povenmire: (consoling Swampy) Yeah, I, I know, it's a... It's a sweet episode.
Dan Povenmire: (to Jeff "Swampy" Marsh) Oh, get a grip, Swampy.
- Main article: Last Day of Summer/Memorable Quotes
- Main article: O.W.C.A. Files/Memorable Quotes