Memorable quotes that occurred in episodes of Phineas and Ferb during Season 4.

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For Your Ice Only

Phineas: What do you think?

Baljeet: It is like our own miniature Canada! But, of course, without the beavers, moose, and disproportionate number of comedians.
Phineas: Or Canadian bacon.
Buford: I forgot all about Canadian bacon.

Baljeet: You realize it is only ham.
Lawrence: Boys, I've got some good news for you. I've arranged for you to play a little exhibition match between the periods of the Danville Ice Trays game.

Phineas: Oh, you mean like at halftime?
Lawrence: Well, it's three periods, so it's really two-thirds time.

Buford: Bland sports terms. That's what keeping the Canadians down.
Phineas: If we're going to be the entertainment, then we'd better kick it up a notch. Hockey Z-9?

Ferb: Hockey Z-9.
Buford: Oh, like Football X-7.
Baljeet: What happened to Y-8?

Phineas: Oh, we're saving that for croquet.
Candace: (scoffs) What's the big deal with hockey anyway?

Lawrence: Well, it's hard to explain actually, taking the flip pass from the winner, shoulder deking the defense men, and then, tossing it right over the old glove hand. Oh, it just takes hold of you like a fever!
Candace: Did you play a lot of hockey in England there, Dad?

Lawrence: Never once.
Major Monogram: I have no idea what Doofenshmirtz is up to. It seems all of our computers froze. Isn't that right, Carl?
Carl: (is seen with his hands inside an ice-encased computer) Tech support says everything is fine.
Luc Robitaille: Is anyone else cold? Why is it so cold in here?

Audience: We don't know, Luc Robitaille!

Man in audience: Actually, I brought a blanket. So, I'm okay.
Ginger: Stacy! Mom said it's my turn to use the computer.

Stacy: Not now Ginger, I'm busy.

Ginger: Don't make me open a can of whipped cream on you! Or however that goes.
Dink Winkerson: And the blare of the buzzer brings down the metaphorical curtain on the scintillating second period of this titanic tussle as the grim, gritty gladiators vacate the frozen field of flailing, fighting flugelhorn to prepare for the third period of this tellican, turf-toes tower as the frosty defibrillators mill the frozen peems of icy... (gasps) Oh, man. I better go lay down.
Candace: So when all the members of the offending team clear the defensive zone at the same time, the delayed offset call is negated.

Jeremy: Wow, you really do know hockey.
Candace: Are you kidding? Did you know a referee makes most penalty calls-
Stacy: (talking into a microphone connected to Candace's headset) While the linesmen may call only obvious technical infractions- (To Ginger) Go away.
Candace: Obvious technical infractions- go away. The player who committed the infraction is- no give me that. No Ginger, I'm busy. I said give me that back. If you don't give that back to me right now- Candace, gotta go.

(Candace smiles nervously after realizing what she said)
Doofenshmirtz: (tasting the abominable marshmallow) Ooh, it's all marshmallowy and hairy....Not completely unlike summer camp.
Candace: 'Scuse me, I gotta get through here.

Luc Robitaille: Woah woah woah! You're not allowed out there.
Candace: But I gotta go get my mom! This is a shortcut to the gift shop!
Luc Robitaille: I'm sorry. You can't go out there. That's for players only.
Candace: Players, huh?
Luc Robitaille: You're gonna go get a uniform and try to get out there, aren't you?
Candace: Is that a problem?

Luc Robitaille: No, as long as we're clear on the concept.

Happy New Year!

Buford: Baljeet's already out! Wake up, will ya! You're drooling all over my arm!

Baljeet: You know, saliva is 98% water and the other 2% is made up of very beneficial electrolytes. It is gross, but it is science.

Buford: You're lucky the gross factor outweighs the science factor, or you'd have a one-way ticket to wedgie town!
Isabella: And, of course, there's the other tradition of kissing someone special at midnight.

Phineas: Well then I know what we're going to do tonight.
Isabella: Really?
Phineas: Yeah! We're gonna make our own New Year's ball and drop it from outer space!
Vivian: Your mother is right, Phineas. You have such an active imagination!

Isabella: (flatly) Not active enough.
Phineas: How are you doing, Buford?

Buford: Why do I have to paint? Painting is for babies and beatniks!
Phineas: That's no ordinary paint. It's a super-sealer that will protect us from the cold, dark vacuum of space!

Buford: Beatnik talk!
Doofenshmirtz: You there, what's your New Year's resolution?

Mustached Man: To update my mustache.
Doofenshmirtz: That's what you think! (laughs)

Mustached Man: It seemed achievable.
Doofenshmirtz:Oh, it never stops being... (gasps as Perry enters)

♪ Perry! ♪
Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus? You can't come in here; this is a black-tie affair. (Perry closes the door, then reenters wearing a half of a tux)
♪ Perry again! ♪
Perry chatters

Doofenshmirtz: Actually, I guess it doesn't really specify pants anywhere, so I guess you're okay.
Lawrence: Another interesting thing about the ancient Egyptians is that both men and women wore makeup.
Linda: Just like the '80s.
Candace: Huh. That parkour training actually paid off.
Candace: (to Irving's camera) Hey y'all out there in Internetland, watch closely 'cause I'm gonna bust Phineas and Ferb!
Irving: Heh-heh-heh, she never busts them.....and "Internetland" is not a real place!
Random woman: If those were my boys, they would be so busted.
Candace: Please, adopt me now!
Candace: (standing with Jeremy on a balcony, watching the fireworks) You know, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to keep this resolution.

Jeremy: That's okay. I like you just the way you are. Happy New Year, Candace.

Candace: Happy New Year, Jeremy.
(they kiss; fireworks go off reading "HAPPY NEW YEAR")

Fly On the Wall

Phineas: So, what should we do today?

Buford: Oh oh oh! I know! Remember when we built that super rollercoaster? How about a super-DUPER rollercoaster?
Baljeet: So we are just adding "duper" to the title?

Buford: It's an acceptable suffix.
Isabella: We did a portal to Mars. How about a....portal to Venus?
Baljeet: Only if they make SPF 12 million.
Phineas: Actually, instead of improving one of our old inventions, we should make something brand new! Something simple.

Isabella: How do you mean?
Phineas: Well, what is summer all about?
Buford, Baljeet, Isabella: (singing "Summer (Where Do We Begin?)") Summer is running through the sprinklers in your T-shirt, shoes, and...

Phineas: Yeah, we all know the song. (beat) But I'm not exactly sure how....
Major Monogram: So Agent P, change of plans. Head over to the park and stop Doof from doing the doings that Doof does . . . do.
Carl: You have a heebie-jeebie scale, sir?
Major Monogram: Yeah. You're on it.
Candace: (as a fly) Phineas and Ferb, you are so buzzzzzted!
Candace: Could this day get any weirder?

Male Voice: Hello.
(Zoom out to reveal the voice came from a fly with a human head on it.)
Candace: Omigosh, were you turned into a fly, too?
Human Fly: Who me? No. I was always a fly. I just got shot with a human-head-inator I got this thing! It's really uncomfortable. How do you walk around with these?

Candace: Tell me about it. Be glad you don't have a freakishly long neck!
Phineas: Did someone take the doohickey thing out of the thingamawhatsit? Buford?
Buford: Uh...oh no! If I catch the mug what did this....Yeah, I'm on it.
Guy in Shuttle: (Upon seeing the giant tire swing holder) Woah, that is so weird! We're in a space shuttle and the shuttle program ended years ago!
Doofenshmirtz: This is great! The best inator I've ever made! And you know what, Perry the Platypus? There's no self-destruct button on this, so there's no way you can stop me from taking over the entire Tri-State— (the giant tire swing lands on his inator before he finishes his statement) Huh. Well, like my Uncle Boris used to say, "When life's goin' well, a giant tire comes along and smashes your inator." We all thought he was crazy at the time, but now it seems rather prophetic.
Waiter: May I take your order, "partner"?

Candace: (sighs) I don't suppose it's "Dress Like a Cowboy and Get Your Dinner Free" Night?

Waiter:No, madame. That is Tuesdays.

Bully Bust

Candace: Zzzzzz... But, your honor, how could I have robbed that bank if I was already wearing the prison jumpsuit? It just doesn't make any-- (gasps and wakes up) Somehow I want to finish that dream to find out if I'm guilty or not.
Buford: Is that a challenge?! Because you should know that the Van Stomms never back down from a challenge. Weeeeeellllllll...

Candace: Stop! Stop! Stop! I challenge you, just as long as you don't sing about it

Buford: Her loss. The Van Stomm's "Accept a Challenge" song has a killer bridge. It goes to an F sharp minor, in the key of G!
Announcer: It's time for Girls Freaking Out!
Candace: I love this show. It makes me feel so normal.
Isabella: I love it when Phineas uses unnecessarily long words for common things like brushing your teeth and washing up.

Baljeet: Yes, it is gratifyingly erudite.
Isabella: It's not as cute when you do it.

Baljeet: Ah... I am cognizant of that fact.
Candace: Listen, this thing getting snag on a plane is just the tip of the bicuspid. It could shrink down to the size of a real tooth, and get lost in the grass. Or turn to ice, and melt into nothingness. For all you know it could turn into a giant Ducky Momo, and fly away. Are you prepared for all that?

Buford: Weeeeeellllllll...
Candace: I don't need to hear the "We Prepare for Every Eventuality" song.

Buford: Fine, for the record though, it's the "Be Prepared for Every Eventuality" song. It's in the imperative tense.
Buford: Well, I hope that lands in the backyard of a giant who needs a fake tooth.
Buford: I've got a song about how Van Stomm's fall from the sky too, but, it doesn't end well.

My Sweet Ride

Phineas: We're dressed like people did in the '50s, y'know, when people dressed like a sitcom from the '70s.
Candace: I'm living in Crazytown. And Phineas and Ferb are town council.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Wait, no, no! Don't open the door; you'll let in Perry the Platypus!

Vanessa: You know he'll just blow the door down if you don't open it. (opens door revealing Perry holding a bazooka) Come in, Perry. Toodles!

Doofenshmirtz: I'm worried about her, Perry the Platypus. (turns his head to Perry) Hey! You were going to to blow down my door!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Just to ensure there's no real competition, I built a little gadget called the Rustinator. At the push of a button, it will reduce every other car into red dust! Or rust. Wait, red dust, rust. I wonder if that's where that word came from. (exits) I'm gonna go look up its entomology. (returns) Yeah, I looked it up. It turns out "entomology" is the study of insects. Go figure.

Der Kinderlumper

Candace: So, what do you think?

Stacy: I think you look like you just fell off a turnip truck, and then got run over by a rutabaga truck.

Candace: Yeah yeah, real funny.
Candace: And now, I must leave. My public awaits.

Stacy: Yeah, and I must go be famous by association.

Phineas: And to think, we knew Stacy before she was famous by association.
Mike: Wow, this is incredible! I've never been in a helicopter before!
Stacy: Can't this thing go any faster?!
Candace: I got the fennel pedal all the way to the rutabaga metal! And yes, I know it's a weird sentence.
Mike: (from the chopper) Oh, those poor innocent kids. (covering his eyes) I can't watch. It's just-It's just—I'm gonna step outside where I can—WOOOOOOAHH! Did you see that?! I almost stepped out of the helicopter! Did you just see that?!
Roger: Funny, I'd never thought the Kinderlumper would be such a crybaby.


Canadian Border Patrolman: Hey, you can't do that! (to another motorist) Hey, the same thing but in French!
Lyla: You gonna eat those fries?

Doofenshmirtz: Don't touch! Anyway I've got a little math quiz for the both of you. If a train carrying Precious Albert the Moose left British Columbia at eight o'clock in the morning, going eighty mile per hour, what time would it arrive at the Canada Day celebration? Answer? Never! Because I've tied up the conductor, and taken control of the train using my remote control Train-Operator-inator! Right now we are all headed to my scheme exchange partner's secret fortress. (Lyla reaches for the fries again) Hey cut it out, those are mine. Seriously, I can get the waiter over here if you want to order own, but please?
Lyla: This evil exchange partner of yours, what his name?
Doofenshmirtz: I think his name was Sir Railing, or Doctor Stairway, or something.
Lyla: Professor Bannister! Of course, my arch-nemesis. Can I put some gravy on those?
Doofenshmirtz: Seriously, leave my lunch alone. Anyway, after Professor Banister gets the moose, it's going to ruin Canada Day, or you know, whatever. Crazy, right?
Lyla: You know what's really crazy? How good these fries are.
Doofenshmirtz: I am not kidding, leave those alone. I just don't understand it, why do you take my lunch, when you're in the dining car you can have your own lunch. Oh it makes me crazy when people pick at my food. (Lyla winks at Perry, and Perry understands) Seriously, why is your hand out like that? I am seriously going to lose it. (Perry takes a fry) Aw, now you're both doing it!? Stop it! Stop it! Ahh! Oh no, not even taking them but just squishing them! I can't take it. (Stands up) GET YOUR OWN LUNCH!
(Everyone on the train looks at Doofenshmirtz)
Woman: That man is causing such a scene, it make me feel free to break up with you, IN A VERY LOUD MANNER!
(Everybody in the car begins screaming and yelling)

Waiter: I can't stand being a waiter!
(Lyla and Perry enter the train's bathroom, only to see that Doofenshmirtz has escaped, as the window is open)
Lyla: I can't believe it! He left the seat up!
Man: Excuse me, conductor? (Doofenshmirtz walks over) You know the train doesn't seem to be stopping at any of the scheduled stations.

Doofenshmirtz: Is that a fact? My apologies straphanger. Wait, which one was your stop?
Man: The next one.
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, don't be concerned, step right this way. (The Man and Doofenshmirtz are standing at a door) So, your wife cooking dinner tonight?
Man: Oh, yes. We're having asparagus tips.
Doofenshmirtz: Asparagus tips, very classy. What's the entrée?
Man: Nova Scotia salmon.

Doofenshmirtz: Mmm-mmm! Delic'. Here's you station! (literally kicks man off train) Say "hi" to your wife for me.
Man: (tumbles across a field, through a playground, and into his house.)
Wife: Well, someone's home early.

Man: The conductor says "hi".
Bannister: Well, well, well. If it isn't C.O.W.C.A.'s best agent, the unfortunately named, Lyla Lolliberry.
Lyla: Listen you, I come from a long alliterative line of Lolliberrys.
Professor Bannister: And that's the problem! We have no national pride. I mean, listen to this.

Bannister plays "Nunarput utoqqarsuanngoravit" on his cell phone

Professor Bannister: Greenland's national anthem. Seriously, does that inspire you to do anything other than ice fish?
Professor Bannister: Jinx you, Lyla Lolliberry! Jinx you!

Primal Perry

Baljeet: (after showing a bizarre music video) I am sorry, everyone. It sounded a lot better in my head.
Buford: Exactly what time did you get up this morning?
Liam:It was on that day that I swore revenge on platypuses.

Doofenshmirtz: "Platypuses"?
Liam: No, no,  I know, it sounds wrong, but it's actually right.
Doofenshmirtz: I always thought it was "platypi".
Liam: That's also acceptable. They're vile animals, not to be trusted... (scene cuts to a close -up of his face) ...the only mammals with poisonous ankle barbs-

Doofenshmirtz: (Turns to Perry) You have a poisonous ankle barb? How come I never knew that?
Doofenshmirtz: (on Liam) In all fairness, Perry the Platypus, there was nothing in his profile about, you know, naming his boomerangs. Even I find that a little creepy.
(Perry chatters)
Liam: I'm going to make you eat those words. Or that...noise.
Buford: Is science happenin' yet?

Baljeet: I am feeling nauseated!

Buford: Yeah, sounds like science to me.
Buford: Now how ya feeling, Baljeet?

Baljeet: Effervescent and frothy.

Buford: Just like my mom's homemade toothpaste!
Buford: Alright, you two, let's get somethin' straight here. There'll be NO messin' with the Buford. Don't make no diff how many of you there are!

Second Baljeet: Buford, I would never mess with you, Buford!
First Baljeet: Neither would I!

Buford: That's good, 'cause I've still got ya number! Or would that be 'numbers'? (Candace enters, grabs both Baljeets and leaves) Hey, Baljeet, which one would be grammatically correct? (Gasps as he suddenly notices that both Baljeets have disappeared) How rude!
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, I see, a waterfall. Just in time for commercial. Isn't that convenient. (Both Doofenshmirtz and Perry go over the waterfall and start falling.) What's that about, anyway? It's not a cliff-faller, it's called a cliff-hanger, and here we are, falling, and-watch watch watch, here we go, wait, look, yup yup see? There you go! Fading to black! (Scene fades to black.)
Lawrence: (Walks in) Oh, hello, boys. Are we having a party, Baljeet? And Baljeet and. . . wait a moment, if he's Baljeet you must be. . . ?

All the Baljeets at once: Baljeet!

Lawrence:. . . Oh all right then, carry on. (exits room)
Liam: I call this one "Sharpay"...'cause she's sharp, eh?
Candace: Look closely. How many Baljeets do you see standing here?

Linda: One, Candace. There is only one Baljeet, after all. (Winks at Baljeet)
Baljeet: Oh, thank you, Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher. That is very kind of you to say.

Candace: She's talking numbers, kid. Don't get a big head.
Candace: Baljeet, would you like some grapes, or this chocolate bar?

Baljeet: Grapes, please. (Takes it from Candace and starts eating, Candace looks shocked when he does not split)
Linda: (with disdain) That's really great, Candace. Now I gotta get back to the fridge.
Candace: I don't get it, what happened?

Baljeet: I just really wanted grapes.
Buford: Oh come on, couldn't a gathering just as easily turn into shindig or a hoot-nanny?

Isabella: Under normal circumstances, I'd say yes. But this one seems to have a ...(Puts her hand on Buford's shoulder, Suspense music plays) ..."Storming of the Bastille" sort of vibe.
(Scene cuts to show that all of the Baljeet replicas have stopped chattering, and are glaring at Buford. one steps forward, flips open his laptop and the intro of Improbably knot/Buford is in Trouble starts to play)

Buford: See? They're playing music. It is a hoot-nanny.
Phineas: Huh. So that's what comeuppance looks like.
Linda Flynn-Fletcher: Baljeet picking on Buford? Candace, Buford outweighs Baljeet by like 90 hamburgers.
Carl: Major Monogram?

Major Monogram: Yes, Carl?
Carl: I-I want you to meet my cousin Larry.
Major Monogram: W-W-W-Wait! You got out of the vent, found your cousin, and brought him back in here?
Carl: Well I didn't have to find him, we had a launch date. He was waiting for me-
Major Monogram: Why on earth would you bring him back into the vent?!
Carl: Cause I wanted you to meet him!
Larry: Plus I really like vents.

Major Monogram: Mutual, I'm sure.
Isabella: Well, it's nice to have you back, Baljeet.

Buford: I agree. It's nice to have you back. One of you back.
Baljeet: Buford! Do I detect true sentiment in your voice?
Buford: You do realize I'm holding a pie here.

Baljeet: I retract my mocking tone.

Mind Share

Morg: Hmm! Our escape plan worked perfectly! We are now free to ransack this planet! Everyone, Celebration Noises! (Morg and his friends make various sounds; the alien in Baljeet's body makes bicycle horn noises. When everyone stops, he still makes noises. Morg turns and stares at him.) Okay, that's enough!
Isabella: Well, look on the bright side! I got nothing.
Buford: Hey, guys, I just realized somethin'! I'm the only fly in a prison full of frogs and lizards!

Baljeet: Luckily I do not think anyone else has noticed.
Inmate 1: (offscreen) You're mine, flyboy!
Inmate 2: (offscreen) Fresh fly!
Inmate 3: (offscreen) We're gonna get you!

Baljeet: Well, it was nice knowing you.
Buford: We need to find a guy who knows how to get things. Every prison has one.

Baljeet: How do you know what every prison ha—

Buford: Uh-uh!! Don't go there!
Candace: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Where do you think you're going?

Morg: We're going to Lotsmo to steal food.
Candace: Are you guys pretending to be aliens, or something?

Morg: Hm, yes. "Pretending". Hilarity noises! (Aliens make sounds until they decide to stop, while the alien in Baljeet's body continues to make noises.) I'm not gonna tell you again! (Baljeet alien honks; Morg looks back.)
Doofenshmirtz: I know what you're thinking. Why the snazzy getup? Why the boots? Well, ya see, I met this girl, Rosie, on a square-dancing website and I may have led her to believe that I' expert square dancer. Hey, don't give me that self-righteous look! It's the web, man! Everybody stretches the truth! You don't think that cat really eats cheeseburgers, do you?
Red: Later that day, to make their escape, those boys crawled through 500 yards of foul-smelling nastiness I can't even imagine. 500 yards. That's the length of 11 baseball diamonds, one tennis court, a medium-sized male elephant, and a croquet wicket. It wasn't long before they found everything that they needed.

Phineas: Great! Let's hurry up and put this thing together.
Isabella: The sooner, the better!
Baljeet: But if we do the mind swap here, those criminals will still be out of jail.
Phineas: You're right! I hadn't thought of that.
Red: So even later that day, those boys crawled back through 500 yards of foul-smelling nastiness that I-
Baljeet: Actually, it is not as bad as you would think.
Buford: Yeah! Gunge is actually quite refreshing!
Red: Oh. Well, it was still 500 yards. That's the length of two volleyball courts, a Nimitz-class aircraft carrier, a large three-drawer filing cabinet, three French-
Buford: We're not listening anymore!

Red: Oh. Okay, then.
(After Rosie asks Dr. Doofenshmirtz what they should do next)

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, well let's see. (Perry rubs his stomach.) We can rub our stomachs and, (Perry points to his mouth) point to our mouths, and later we can roll our eyes, and put our heads in our hand.
Rosie: How about we get something to eat.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, that sounds good too, let me, hang on, let me check. (Perry gives a thumbs-up) Let's go.
Rosie: I would never go out with someone who would stretch the truth on the Internet! Goodbye!
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, come on!! You don't think that cat really plays the piano, do ya?

Backyard Hodge Podge

Buford: Guys, can you settle an argument for us? Preferably in my favor? If a vegetarian becomes a zombie, would they start eatin' people? (referring to Baljeet) Mr. Smartyunderpants thinks they just keep eatin' vegetables.

Baljeet: But they are, after all, vegetarians.
Phineas: I guess they eat things like heads of lettuce...uh, ears of corn!
Baljeet: Eye of potato!

Buford: Leg of carrot! (Baljeet looks up questionably) What? Your carrots don't have legs? Where do your parents shop?
Phineas: Internet sensation, Parry Gripp ladies and gentlemen
Doofenshmirtz: (punching a chair) Perry the Platypus, did you get yourself upholstered?
(During Lawrence's speech, where he is dressed in teal blue makeup)

Jeff: Why is his arm in a sling?

Dan: That's what bothers you about this?

Bee Day

Jimmy: Why do we always end on that weird Bb with an F# bass?

Jimmy's Mom: It's tradition, Jimmy. We don't question it.

Jimmy: I mean it's not even in the key.
Linda: So, did you all have fun at the Bee Day Festival's Opening Ceremony?

Lawrence: It was bee-wildering.
Phineas: Bee-utiful.
Lawrence: Bee-dazzling.
Phineas: Bee-yond.
Lawrence: Bee-guiling.
Candace: (stops reading a magazine) Ugghh!! Just bee quiet!

Linda: Oh Candace, bee-have. (giggles)
(Perry enters the lair still wearing his bee antennae)

Singers: Agent Bee...
One of the singers: Ahem.
(Perry looks up, realizes what he's wearing and takes it off and replaces it with his fedora)

Singers: P!
Stacy: Emos believe everyone's against them.

Candace: How can you say that to me?
Stacy: They are highly sensitive and drama queens.

Candace: (dramatically) No, I'm not!!!
Ginger: (fake coughs) You were lost in Phineasland again.

Isabella: (snaps back to reality) Oh right! (chuckles) Right! The Fireside Girls are going for our Beekeeping patch, and we need to borrow something.
Phineas: Of course, but you're going to bring some collateral if you wanna borrow Ferb.
Isabella: Oh Phineas! (laughs)
Ginger: It's not that funny.

Isabella: Stand down, Fireside Girl.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, there you are Perry the Platypus - Hey, great costume, that's the bee's knees or you know, wings in this case. (A giant yellow fly swatter appears behind Perry and swats him) Ha! Swat's happening, Perry the Platypus. Swat's up! Swat's goin- (Perry punches him in the chin) Oof! Puh, hey, swat's your problem? (Perry punches him again)
Ginger: This is fascinating! Tell me more about bee dancing!

Baljeet: Really? Because usually people are either gone or fall asleep by the time I get to this part of the sentence.
Phineas: Hey, Baljeet, mind giving me a hand with these pools?

Baljeet: In a minute! So, to continue, the figure eight (she's gone) Awwww. And we are back.
Linda: Hi, honey, love the new look.
Candace: You obviously don't know me. Nobody does. And if somebody did, I'd just deny it.
Linda: Sweetie, I went through a similar phase when I was your age. Try writing some poems.

Candace: Whatever.
I don't care.
No one gets me...
Except my hair.

Linda: That's my girl.
Charlene: Are you more attractive all of a sudden?

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, why, thank you, I have been trying to—Oh, wait, no, it's just the pheromones.
Charlene: Wow! Well, it's really working because I can't remember why we broke up.
Doofenshmirtz: You said you hated Mr. Tomato.
(Doofenshmirtz takes out a badly made tomato puppet)
Mr. Tomato: Hello, Charlene.
Charlene: Oh, hello, Mr. Tomato. (to Doofenshmirtz) Thanks for the reminder. (leaves) I'm outta here.
Mr. Tomato: Y'know, it wasn't me she didn't like.

Doofenshmirtz: Shut up!
Candace: Sibling unit,

Wading, wading.
I sit here
Not relating.

Phineas: Wow, pithy.
Doofenshmirtz: Thank you for saving me, Perry the Platypus! And on the bright side, with all those bees, not one sting! Ow! (spits out a bee and sticks out his swollen tongue) Oh, man! I thould've ekthpected thith. At leatht my inator ith intact. (Perry pushes the self-destruct button on the remote control) Ah, thhoot! Curth you, Perry the Platyputh! (beat) Curth you! I thaid, "Curth you, Perry the Platyputh!" Yeah, well, thee, you thould be able to get it in contektht.

Bee Story

Milly: The opening ceremony of the Bee Day festival was awesome!

Holly: It's my favorite part of Bee Awareness Day!

Katie: My favorite part is the Bb with the F# bass at the end of the song! (They all look at her.) What? It's tradition!
Gretchen: In the guideline for the Beekeeping Patch, it says a good beekeeper tries to think like a bee.

Katie: Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
Gretchen: What are you doing?
Katie: I'm thinking like a bee.
Adyson: I know! We can get stung by radioactive bees and gain bee-themed superpowers!
Holly: Um, we don't have access to radioactive bees.

Ginger: (sarcastically) Yeah. That's what's wrong with that plan.
Katie: Phineas and Ferb had a sorbet machine that turns people into flies?
Isabella: Katie, for crying out loud, look up in the internet.
Isabella: Wow, humans really take for granted not being sucked into the nearest vacuum cleaner.
Holly: What are we supposed to do now?

Gretchen: Bee Day's almost over, and we're stuck inside a pharmacist's power vac.
Isabella: What? Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when we helped Candace get fifty patches in one day? Heck no!
Holly: I thought it was only forty nine.
Ginger: Forget it, she's rolling.

Isabella: And it's not over now! Cause when the going gets tough... the tough get going! Come on, girls, we've got enough patches between all of us to make this work! We can do this!
Poofenplotz: Oh, how humiliating. Piloted off to the pokey by a pooch.
Phineas: Hey Isabella! We're having Iced Tea! You want some, honey?

Isabella: What'd you say?
Phineas: (Shows honey) I said "We're having Iced Tea! You want some honey?"

Isabella: Um... Sure.

Great Balls Of Water

Director Dipthong: Go find out what Doofenshmirtz is up to and put a stop to it. Descending Dipthong! (He sinks down from the screen)

Carl: What are you doing?
Director Dipthong: (going back up) It's my signature sign-off. What do you think? "Descending Dipthong." (sinks down from the screen again)

Carl: I'd stick with accounting.
Candace: Can you believe how hot it is today, Jeremy? Even my dollies are sweatin'! Not that I play with dolls. I just happen to have a couple on my shelf next to my unicorn. Heh. (slaps her forehead in realization of what she just said)
Jeremy: So what do you wanna do today?

Candace: I don't know. I thought maybe we could head to the mall.
Jeremy: I suppose we could go to the mall again.
Zoom in on Candace's brain as the words "the mall again" echo
Candace's Brain #1: Really? The mall again? Wow, you are so predictable! So ordinary!
Candace's Brain #2: Predictable? Ordinary? I mean, come on! I play 20 instruments!
Candace's Brain #1: Yeah, that all start with the letter "B", as in boring.
Candace's Brain #3: (skipping daffily) Tra la la la la la la la la la la la la la la...
Candace's Brain #2: Who's that?

Candace's Brain #1: Just pretend she's not there. That's what I do.
Linda: Candace, I'm on my way to...You know, this feels awfully familiar: I tell you I'm going out, later you'll tell me Phineas and Ferb are up to something, but there's nothing there to see, so we all have pie. Just another ordinary day.

Candace: Ordinary?! Do I ordinarily do this? (She pushes her dollies off the shelf and laughs while ripping the sheets off her bed and goes cuckoo again) ♪ Tra la la la la la la la la la la la la la la, Tra la la la la la LA!!!!! ♪

Linda: Like I said, just another ordinary day.
Doofenshmirtz: Aw, man, why did I save all the manual labor on my newest inator for the hottest day of the year? I might as well be doing hot yoga up in this piece! Can I get a "what-what?" (no response) Norm, where's my "what-what?"

Norm: I'm sorry, sir. People do not say that anymore.

Doofenshmirtz: How do you stay so current?
Doofenshmirtz: (after Perry hits the self-destruct button on the inator and escapes) Ugh! Well, oh, man, once again, the place is trashed! You just take off, leaving me here to clean it all up. (putting on an apron and getting a broom and dustpan) Does it ever occur to you, Perry the Platypus, how much of a mess is left after one of our little tete-a-tetes? I betcha it never even occurred to you that I keep talking to you for a while after you've gone! I mean, it's probably a sad commentary on my life that I'm wearing an apron and talking to a platypus that's no longer...How long have you been standing there, Vanessa?
Vanessa: Long enough, Dad.

Where's Pinky?

Isabella: Phineas, Pinky's missing!

Phineas: Aw, that's too bad, Isabella.
Buford: Chihuahuas, that's the first thing zombies go for.

Phineas: Uh, we moved past zombies, Buford.
Candace: You kids have fun. Really I wish I could stay and bust you but I have a lunch date with Jeremy down at City Hall.

Baljeet: City Hall serves lunch?

Buford: I thought they only served subpoenas! (beat) Oh, come on! What's a guy gotta do to get a rimshot around here?!
Major Monogram: (to Agents P and Pinky) I guess you're just two "P's" in a pod. (laughs) Carl, where's my rimshot?

Carl: It's right in front of you.

Major Monogram: (picks up a flyer with a snare drum on it that says "Ba-dum crash!") How did you do that?!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: It's easier to find a hidden object when you're hidden as well.
Doofenshmirtz: You're both persistent, I'll give ya that, but the security system is offline and there's nothing you or your little dog friend can do about it! Y'know, unless, one of you happens to be really good with computers.

Major Monogram's Voice: Agent Pinky is good with computers...good with computers...good with computers...
Perry whistles and Pinky looks at the computer and gives a thumbs up. He takes the computer down from the pedestal and whacks Doof on the head with it. Doof lets go of the deed and Perry grabs it.

Doofenshmirtz: Wow! That guy is really good with computers!

Phineas and Ferb Musical Cliptastic Countdown Hosted by Kelly Osbourne

Major Monogram: Don't worry, Kelly. I am totally down for being second banana.

Doofenshmirtz: Well, first of all, that's a little sad. But, second of all, technically, you would be third banana. It would go: Kelly, and then me, and then you. And, ih, I would be second banana.
Kelly Osbourne: Nobody is a banana, because there are no bananas!

Major Monogram: Yes, we have no bananas!
Kelly Osbourne: (Seeing Doofenshmirtz and Monogram dressed up like her) Now I know what I would look like if I had middle-aged male clones!
Doofenshmirtz: Hey, l-look at this! Strike a pose! Look, look, look, I'm vo—

Kelly Osbourne: Vogueing?! I love vogueing! It's so '90's!
Major Monogram: I was a bit of a secret voguer myself.
Kelly Osbourne: Really?

Doofenshmirtz: It wasn't a secret.

Knot My Problem

Phineas: Okay, gang. Today, we're gonna tie a legendary knot.

Buford: Woah woah woah! We're just startin'?! No—no intro, nothin'?! Just gettin' right into it?
Phineas: Yep, we're just doin' the knot.
Buford: Wait, how can we do somethin' not?
Phineas: No, it's "knot" spelled with a "k".
Buford: I didn't think it was spelled with a "k".
Phineas: No. It's "knot".....spelled with a "k".

Buford: I don't understand your pauses.
Buford: You gotta be kiddin' me! Who looked at this idea and said, "Yeah, that'd be fun"?! Y'see?! This is what happens when we have no intro!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Remember, "Doof" spelled backwards is "fooD".
Phineas: Looks like we all just got a few more moves to get untied. Except for Buford, who's managed to tie himself into a knot.
Buford: I'm a victim o' circumstance.
Buford: (watching Candace eat the Gordian Knot) I am so in love with her right now.

Baljeet: What?

Buford: Nothin'.
Jeremy: Oh, I remember that! In grade school a pretty girl loaned me that pencil and I've kept it ever since.

Candace: A pretty girl? (Angrily) Who was she?

Jeremy: Candace, that pretty girl was you. (Grabs the pencil) See, those are your teeth marks.

Just Desserts

Linda: You see? Our daughter likes it!
Lawrence: Oh yes, and I'm British, so you think I'm supposed to like bird-watching. Ooh, I'm British, so I'll be in the conservatory with a cup of tea and a crumpet! I'm saying that, ironically, but actually, that sounds quite good. So, I'm going to do that. Ta!
Phineas: Is everybody all strapped in their harness?

Baljeet: Ready. Although, it is the worst wedgie I have ever had.
Buford: Oh, really?

Baljeet: Present company excluded.
Candace: (in a hoarse voice) In conclusion, may your Fireside Girl experience be a treasured one with memories for a lifetime. The end.

Irving: Umm... I'd like you to do one more take on that last chapter.
Candace: I'd like to hurt you.

Irving: That's a wrap!
Buford: Hey guys! I can see my thoughts! They're all sparkly and spread out around us.

Baljeet: It is the lack of oxygen; it makes you light-headed.
Phineas: I think it's time to climb down.
Baljeet: Ha-ha, coming down!

Buford: Oh I get it, we're in space. AAAAAGHAAGH! I heard that.
Doofenshmirtz: Can you do this, Perry the Platypus? Can you jump really fast, up and down, up and down, up and down, up and down? Yeah, that's it, Perry the Platypus! Doesn't it feel good? Let's be jumping buddies. Let's just eat dessert and jump up and down and up and down and up and down all day. It'll be our thing. Just remember: I-I invented this. Because I am the inventor.
Doofenshmirtz: (after Perry leaves) Okay, but, but let's do that jumping thing again sometime.

La Candace-Cabra

Carl: I-Is this thing on? I want to thank you all for taking some time outta your busy schedules to attend our compulsory O.W.C.A. Animal Sensitive Seminar. However, if you currently are an animal, you may be excused to your missions.

(The animals leave)
Major Monogram: What -- what -- what? They get to go? What is this, Pick On the Higher Species Day?
(The animals turn around and make angry noises)
Major Monogram: What? Humans are a higher species, everybody knows that!

Carl: And...that's why you're here today, sir.
(In the backyard)

Phineas: Gentlemen and gentlemen, we present to you the Chupa-Copter!

Buford and Baljeet: Wow! Right on! Et cetera!
Candace: Wait. Somebody's judgin' me.
Candace: Phineas and Ferb, you are so busted...for something!
Stacy: (to a distracted Candace) So since you're in busting mode, I take it my services are no longer required. (pause) Yup. I'm superfluous.
Buford: I'll bet he's hungry. I totally sound like that when my blood sugar's low.
Phineas: Whoa! The Chupacraba's gone! This must be how Candace feels when this happens.
Candace: Hehehehehehehe...Mom, you won't believe this.

Linda: Now, Candace, why would you ever give me reason not to believe you?
Candace: What if I told you, that Phineas and Ferb captured an actual Chupacabra?

Linda: Well, that would test my suspension of disbelief.

Happy Birthday, Isabella

Candace: Phineas and Ferb! What are you guys up to?

Phineas: It's a surprise for Isabella's birthday!
Candace: A surprise...
Stacy: Here we go again.
Candace: ...for Isabella's...
Stacy: Give me those sodas.(She grabs the sodas Candace was holding)
Candace: ...Birthday.

Stacy: See ya. (She walks off)
Buford: (carrying Isabella in bag and letting her out) I've carried a lot of squirmin' bags in my time, but this is the first time I knew who was in it. (walks off)

Isabella: Augh! What I was going to say was all I want for my birthday is some alone time with---(motions to Phineas) Never mind. (walks out)

Baljeet: You wanted to be alone with this bag?
(on the cake)

Baljeet: Ooh, I hope they do not have a male dancer popping out of it.

Buford: They asked, but they couldn't afford me.
Holly: (To Candace) What are you doing?

Candace: Waiting for things to get dangerous, so I can my mom to come bust the boys.
Holly: That's not dangerous?

Candace: Dude, this is nothing, it'll get worse.
Phineas: So, did you get what you wished for?

Isabella: Uh-

Buford: (sarcastically) Yeah, it's every girls wish to have her backyard covered in litter.
Stacy: Wait a minute! It says right here in your silly little pamphlet that if your host family finds out about your agent status, then anyone who's seen you has to have their memory erased, or you'll get relocated. Perry, I'm not part of your host family! I know, I know, it's a technicality. Look, I don't want Candace and the boys to lose you, but I also do not want my mind erased. I'm on the last ten minutes of that Grievance movie, and I don't want to have to watch that whole scary mess again. So, uh, can we just keep this a secret?
(Perry smiles and tips his fedora to Stacy)
Phineas: I still can't figure out what went wrong with the grand finale. After the laser light show and the fireballs, the swans should have been released and--

Isabella: Phineas, I really liked the butterflies. Thank you.
Phineas: Well to make it up to you, it's kinda lame but... maybe Ferb and I could, I don't know, take you out for some ice cream or something?
Isabella: Uh-
Ferb: I... just remembered there's... something I need to do. You two go.
Phineas: Is that cool?

Isabella: Yes, very cool. Ferb. (fist bumps Ferb)
Phineas: So, did you get what you wished for? Oh yeah, I already asked that. Confetti and streamers! Hold on, gonna get another napkin. (leaves)
Isabella: (to herself) And butterflies. You always give me butterflies....

Love at First Byte

Lawrence: Hello, hello hello! Can you guess what my DJ costume is for tonight's big Mardi Gras block party?

Phineas: Uh... scary post-apocalyptic handpuppet?

Lawrence: Why does everyone guess that?
Doofenshmirtz: Quit your whining. Just go stag like me.

Norm: You mean dress up like a wild forest creature with antlers?
Doofenshmirtz: Ah... not quite. I tried that and it did not go well.
(Cutaway to Doof in a deer costume, and tied to a car)

Doofenshmirtz: H-hello? I think I may have come to the wrong address.
Candace: Mom Mom Mom Mom!!! Do you know what Phineas and Ferb are doing?!!!

Candace and Linda: They're working on the big finale for the block party tonight!

Candace Huh? What'd you say?
Candace: Situation unbustable.
Stacy: Ooh, tah-wist.
Norm: What do I say? I do not believe she has an oil pan to complement.

Doofenshmirtz: Just introduce yourself and, you know, ask her what her sign is. And then run the other way if she says Sagittarius.
Norm: Thank you, sir!
Doofenshmirtz: Go get her, Norm.
(Norm walks over to the female robot.)
Norm: Hi, I'm Norm. What is your sign?
Female Robot: Hi, I am Chloe. I am a Pisces.
(Norm looks around awkwardly and then walks back towards Doofenshmirtz)
Doofenshmirtz: Well?
Norm: You did not tell me what to do if she is a Pisces.

Doofenshmirtz: In my experience you get married, and then subsequently divorced but we don't have time for that.
Doofenshmirtz: Women like it when you challenge them, and act all superior.

Norm: That does not seem logical.
Doofenshmirtz: We are talking about women here, right? Okay, now remember, don't forget to stay cool.
Norm: No problem, my compressor is from a refrigeration unit.

Doofenshmirtz: What are you telling me for? I'm the guy who installed it.
Tattooed Guy: Hey! My tattoos are gone! Now I can finally be an accountant!
(The gang put on a spectacular display.)

Linda: Ooh!
Crowd: Ooh!

Candace: Whatever.
Norm: Everyone looks smaller than the usually do from up here. And that is already pretty small, because I am so tall.
Chloe: (to Norm) Your performance exceeded my previous computations.
Norm: Goodbye, Chloe. "Parting is such sweet sorrow."

Chloe: That is a reference from Romeo and Juliet, so I shall say "goodnight 'til it be morrow."

Doofenshmirtz: See you don't need her, Norm, she's a know-it-all.

One Good Turn

Major Monogram: Okay, he's gone. One, a-two, a-one-two-three

I am the the very model of a modern Major Monogram

I've information vegetable and animal and hologram
Phineas: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, babies and slightly smaller babies, welcome to the Phineas and Ferb Ultimate Obstacle Course! The first team that makes it all the way to the end (you know, alive and stuff) will win this nifty trophy! So are you ready to get muddy?

Candace: That tears it! Those two are so—
Stacy: Hang on, Candace! We can win this!
Candace: Yeah, we ca—Wait, what?
Stacy: I want that trophy!
Candace: Why?
Cutaway to Dr. Hirano with Ginger putting up a trophy on display as Stacy watches.
Dr. Hirano: Very good, Ginger. We'll put it up here with the rest of your awards. I'm...still saving a place for your trophy, Stacy. You know, just in case.
Stacy: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
Cut back to Stacy and Candace.
Stacy: ...hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... Candace, we'd make an awesome team!
Candace: Alright, I'll do it!
Stacy: For the trophy!

Candace: And for whatever it was you were thinking about just now.
(Stacy looks at Ginger saying that she is watching her)

Isabella: What was that about?

Ginger: Oh, that's our secret code for "I love you sis"...I think.
Phineas: You know what they say: Giant worms can do whatever they want.
Phineas: Watch your step, ladies! That's mud down there! Baljeet's suggestion!

(Cut to Buford and Baljeet still inside the giant worm.)
Buford: Really?
Baljeet: I knew we would not make it that far.
(The worm chomps and swallows them.)

Buford: Well, not with an attitude like that!
Doofenshmirtz: (realizing he is looking through his hands) One day I gotta ask Norm what he did with my binoculars.
Ginger: Congratulations, Stacy!

Stacy: Ha! Now I'm like you! I have a trophy!
Ginger: But, Stacy, I won all those trophies just trying to impress you.
Stacy: Really?
Ginger: Yeah! You're the coolest big sister a girl could ever have! How can I compete?

Stacy: Well, I am pretty cool.

Phineas and Ferb: Mission Marvel

Main article: Phineas and Ferb: Mission Marvel/Memorable Quotes

Thanks But No Thanks

Carl: Monty and Vanessa, sittin' in a tree...

Monty: Carl...
Carl: Let me finish. K-I-S-S-I-N-G! 
Monty: Go ahead.

Carl: You mean there's more?
Monty: Alright, Carl, I get it, what do you want?

Carl: I want your father to disown you, and adopt me.

Monty: Okay, what do you want within reason?
Doofenshmirtz: Wow, so that's what the inside of a platypus smells like? Could've gone my whole life without knowing that.
Monty: Don't worry, Carl. Once you save my father's life, there's no way even he could avoid thanking you for it.

Carl: I hope for your sake that you're right. (The camera zooms out to show a piano hanging above the table Carl and Monty are sitting at)
Carl: You know it's funny how no one's noticed a grand piano dangling precariously over our table.

Monty: Well, I also tied up a couple of violins over there so it would look like a theme.
Major Monogram: (after Carl saves his life)Oh, that was a close one! Carl, it's a shame you couldn't save the table.
Peggy McGee: I'll be out before the time her mom serves pie!

Troy Story

Buford: Hey! How'd they get that big horse in that tiny door?

Baljeet: Buford, just try imagining a larger door.

Buford: Oh, okay, hang on. (beat) Oh, yeah, that's better.
Candace: Book club is in three hours! Bye!
Phineas: Wow, she must be a fast reader.
Buford: And they say Rome wasn't built in a day.

Irving: Uh, technically, that's not Rome, that's supposed to be Troy.

Buford: If I wanted nerd facts I would've kept Baljeet!
Baljeet: (From the Castle) In case you are wondering, the word you are looking for is, "impenetrable"!

Buford: Actually the word I was looking for is decimate!

Baljeet: Fair enough.
Buford: Yeah, we're gonna need a bigger army. Irving, break out my recruitment fustanella.

Irving: You mean the little Greek skirt--?

Buford: It's a fustanella.
Irving: (singing) Troy! Troy! Troy! (music stops) Troy! -- Oh, it's all over.
Buford: (reveals a robotic wooden T-Rex) Ha! I bet you didn't see a Trojan T-Rex with a laser cannon mouth and laser cannon eyes coming. Did you?
Phineas: Well, he's got me there.


Vanessa: Lacie, wow, great costume! Lacie: This is a costume party?
Candace: (dressed as a vampire queen) Vanessa?

Vanessa: Candace!
Candace: Whoops! I guess your party's gonna have two vampire queens! What are the chances, right?
(Stacy enters also wearing an identical costume.)

Stacy: (leaves) I'm gonna go change.
Vanessa: This is a big night for me, my boyfriend's coming. Oh, here he is right now.

(Jeremy, dressed as a Scarlet Pimpernel enters.)
Jeremy: Ooh, a vampire! It's a good thing I have my neck covered.
Vanessa: You're not my boyfriend!
Jeremy: Whoops. Heh heh. Sorry, I thought you were my—
Candace: Jeremy, it's me, Candace!
Jeremy: Ooh, a vampire! It's a good thing I have my—

Candace: Yeah, heard you the first time.
Phineas: Hey, look at you! You're Isabellarella.

Isabella: If I lose a slipper tonight, you know where to find me.
Phineas: Ooh, that reminds me...
Isabella: ("loses" a slipper) Whoops!
Phineas: There's some water on the floor over by the sally port.
(Isabella angrily takes her "lost" slipper out of the punch)
Baljeet: Buford, it is so hot in here! Can I please have some punch?

Isabella: You don't wanna drink that.
Vanessa: Monty should've been here by now. (Another Scarlet Pimpernel approaches her.) Finally. Wait, who are you?

Scarlet Pimpernel 1: I'm the Scarlet Pimpernel.
Scarlet Pimpernel 2: As am I!
Scarlet Pimpernel 3: Same here.
All Scarlet Pimpernels: We are all here!
Vanessa: Ugh!

Stacy: (also dressed as the Scarlet Pimpernel) Hey, what's going—Oh, for crying out loud.
Major Monogram: Monty, is that you?! With the daughter of my sworn enemy?! It can't be!! (Walks up to the Pimpernel next to Vanessa.) Alright, Monty, you've got a lot of explaining to—

Stacy: Oh, hello, Mr. Water and Power Guy.
Major Monogram: I, uh, better check the...uh...thing. Yes. (leaves)
Vanessa: Thanks, Stacy! I owe you!

Stacy: No thanks are necessary for that darned elusive Pimpernel.

Terrifying Tri-State Trilogy of Terror

Hipster Guy: Excuse me?

Mr. Macabre: What?
Hipster Guy: Can I get a free-range organic grilled cheese slider?
Mr. Macbre: This isn't a food truck, you baboon. It's a Macabre Book Mobile.
Hipster Guy: Yeah, I'm totally giving you a bad review.

Mr. Macabre: May the ancient moths of Sumeria feast upon your skinny jeans! (his phone buzzes) One star? Man, that burns.
Repeated line
Various: Cheese and crackers!
Doofenshmirtz: (to Perry) You should know that that mysterious book that you are trapped in has a very interesting chapter about...♪ Bum bum bum!! ♪...the inexplicable Giant Floating Baby Head! (Thunder and lightning) Wow! That was weird. Wonder if that's gonna happen every time I say, "The inexplicable Giant Floating Baby Head." (Thunder and lightning) Oh, cool! Hey, watch this! The inexplicable Giant Floating Baby HHHHam Sandwich. (thunder and lightning) Ah!
Buford: Suddenly, from out of the shadows, (making a shadow puppet) the zombie bunny rabbit appeared and then he...ate up all the marshmallows!!! Numnumnumnumnumnunmnum!!!

Baljeet: Remember, those marshmallows are for everyone!

Buford: Zombie bunny don't care!
Phineas: This is such a Halloween thing to happen in the middle of summer.
Buford: (on Phineas) I can smell his brain working.
Baljeet: Oh, sure, blame it on Phineas.

Face Your Fear

Major Monogram: Ooh, ooh, oh, get it off! G-Get it off! Ooh! Uh, just walked through a spider web. Don't you just hate that? Ya spend the rest of the day worried there's a spider on ya. (shudders) Gives me the willies. Anyhoo, our sources tell us there's a cowboy hat in front of Doof's building. Normally, that wouldn't be of any interest to us, since this is the week of the Danville Hootenanny, but it is a rather large hat and, in spite of its name, the Danville Hootenanny is a dignified affair. I wish I had more information, but Carl said there was a big bee by the surveillance equipment. So get out there, Agent P! Ooh! Carl, is there... (turns around revealing a huge tarantula on his back) is there a spider on my head?
Carl: (offscreen) No, sir. There's no spider...on your head.
Doofenshmirtz: (to the giant bat) AHH! Get away get away get away!! Scram, you flying gerbil!!
Narrator: Meanwhile, at the Danville Space Laboratory...

The sign reads "Danville Space Labrador"

Sign Painter: Laboratory? (Makes angry noises, throws his hat on the ground.)
Candace: So what does your father do here?

Jeremy: Oh, he's part of a team that makes and manages reconnaissance satellites. They actually had a couple of rovers on Mars earlier this summer. But they suddenly stopped working. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?
Candace: (nervously) Uh, how would I...heh heh...what do you mean? Heh heh.
Jeremy: All right...Your Highness.
Candace: (gasp) Who told?

Jeremy: Stacy.
Linda: So you could look down on anybody's backyard and see what they're doing?

Jeremy: Pretty cool, huh?
Candace: Wow, that's gotta be handy for something.
Jeremy: And (points to Candace in anticipation of her busting idea)
Candace: What?

Jeremy: Really? Alright.
Phineas: Hey, Foamtown's gone.

Buford: You say that like it doesn't happen every day.
Baljeet: And you say that like an angry old prospector.
Buford: What does that even mean?!

Baljeet: I stand by that metaphor.

Cheers for Fears

Candace: (mumbles)

Phineas: Uh, what's that, Candace?
Buford: Lemme talk to her, guys. I speak sullen. (mumbles)
Candace: (mumbles back)
Buford: Candace messed up and now Jeremy's birthday is ruined.
Candace: Hey! You completely misinterpreted what I said!

Buford: Nuance!
A printer prints out a flat daffodil, which folds itself into an origami daffodil, and emits a scent.

Buford: Nice touch! Smells like my grandma!
Phineas: I thought your grandma smelled like ant pheromones.

Buford: Naw, that's the other one.
Phineas: These should really make Jeremy's Birthday Scrapbook-aganza a full sensory experience!
Buford: (sarcastically) Great, just what I always wanted: to fully sense Jeremy.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Alright, so what are you afraid of, where is it? (looks around) What the hay? Nothing? (A business card slips through the ropes. Doof takes the card and reads it.) "Perry the Platypus: O.W.C.A. agent - Fearless." Huh. That figures. I guess you'll just hafta...hang around! Ha ha ha! Oh, wait, this one's better: I'll just leave you here because you're all tied up! Ha ha ha! W-W-Wait, one last one, you're gonna love it: See ya later because it isn't my tail that's upside down! (No response.) No? No no, I shoulda stuck with the first two, you're right.
Man: I guess my fortune came true. "You will share your cocoa with a long-necked teenager." See? Right there.
Woman: Mine just says, "Your boyfriend's gonna get a fortune cookie at a French café."
Phineas: Well, Candace, do you think Jeremy will like it?

Candace: (seriously) Yeah, I just have a few notes here. (Excitedly, as she reveals she drew a smiley face on the clipboard.) It's perfect! (gasps) I love it, guys! Iloveitiloveitiloveitiloveitiloveitiloveitiloveitiloveitiloveit....

Phineas: (to Ferb) She had me at "smiley face".
Baljeet: Uh, did anyone else see that weird green beam?
Buford: I wasn't gonna mention it.


Phineas: What've we got so far?

Ferb: I've got a bottle cap and a brass nail.
Buford: Two bottle caps and a nail.
Baljeet: A washer, a hinge and a nail.
Phineas: I've got a nickel and a piece of brass! No, wait it's a nail.
Lawrence: You never know what you're going to find.
Buford: I do, another nail.

Baljeet: Or a bottle cap.
Buford: Man, that pet of yours gives me the creeps.

Phineas: Oh, come on, Buford. You know swans don't do much.

Buford: Don't do much? The big bite on my butt begs to differ!
Von Doofenshmirtz: Sweary the Swan, how completely unforeseen is your presence. And by that, I mean, completely foreseen!

Sweary: squawks at Von-Doofenshmirtz
Von-Doofenshmirtz: Wow, do you preen your feathers with that mouth? They should call you Sw- Oh! Oh, I get it. Swear-y the Swan.

Candace: Is that a steam-powered chore doing device? You are so going to get it! Get back here, you steam-punks!
Phineas: Sorry Candace, it won't stop 'till we run out of coal

Pnorman: Sir, I found your coin!

Von Doofenshmirtz: That's not a coin, that's my daughter, you dolt!

Pnorman: No wonder she wouldn't fit in the gumball machine.
Von Doofenshmirtz: Hear that, Sweary the Swan? That is the sound of (WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!!!) aerosol cheese!
Farmer's Wife: I don't believe it! A fuzzy doll in the shape of a bear? It's the end of deceny!
Farmer: You didn't believe in me or anthropomorphism.
Phineas: All our chores are done and it's still light out. What else do you guys wanna do today?

Baljeet: We could drink lemonade and sit on the porch.
Buford: We can go to Panama and start diggin'.
Isabella: We could formally begin courting.
Phineas: What?

Isabella: Nothing.
Candace: But-but-but...
Linda: Candace, it's 1903! We do not use that word!
Von Doofenshmirtz: (dropping down into the present day backyard) Man, how long was I up there?

Just Our Luck

Danny Jacob: (after playing the standard guitar opening riff) Dude, somebody's got to play it, right?
Lyla: (on line at Agent-Con) Yet again, I am the only girl.
Phineas: Now that you're here, we can play doubles for twice the fun!

Buford: I'll be the judge of that.
Phineas: Perfect! 'Cause we need you to be the line judge.
Buford: Judge? Cool! Do I get one of those powdered wigs?
Baljeet: No.

Buford: Ah, I'll do it anyway.
Doofenshmirtz: I'll just have to tell you my evil plan subliminally, like, like when people listen to foreign language CDs in their sleep. I did that once and now I can totally speak Portuguese to sleeping people.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: I could get used to this good luck thing. It's better than having a genie. That was a mistake.
(flashback to a genie after he's transformed Doofenshmirtz into a human-sized hot dog)
Flashback Wienershmirtz: That wasn't a wish, it's just a song! It's not even a song, it's a jingle!
(end flashback)

Doofenshmirtz: Ugh! You ever try to sue a genie?

Janitor: Hey, do you guys have a permit to do sports commentary on this roof?
Markus: (getting out of his chair) We...totally have one.
Mark: We do.
Markus: It's in the production truck downstairs.

Mark: (also getting out of his chair) Which totally exists. Let's get outta here!

Return Policy

Candace: (to Stacy, referring to Jeremy) Remember those days when I was always panicking about what he thought or what he wouldn't like? Ancient history.
Stacy: That was yesterday.
Linda: Candace, I'm going to the store, do you need anything?

Candace: Nah, I'm good.
Linda: Okay.
Candace: Oh, wait, I am out of toothpaste.
Linda: All right.
Candace: And deodorant.
Linda: Got it.
Candace: Oh, and pimple cream, loofa pads, body tape, hair dye, cucumber slices, fungal cream...
Linda: You know what, why don't you just come along so I don't spend the whole day in the teen hygiene aisle?
Candace: Someone has to be around to bust Phineas and Ferb!
Linda: Candace, they're playing baseball. It's not exactly a punishable offense.

Candace: Oh, but it will be! (shakes fist) It will be!
Major Monogram: Morning, Agent P. As you can see, I, uh, I've had a little shaving mishap with this defective electric razor. Just not comfortable with my eyebrows moving independently of each other.

Carl: (offscreen) But you are rockin' the reverse mohawk, sir!

Major Monogram: Get with it, Carl! The hip kids call it a "hawkmo".
Isabella: Only one contestant will survive!
Phineas: No, no, no, (chuckles) everyone will survive.
Buford: Do my ears deceive me? Are you sayin' we should work together?!
Baljeet: I know! My ears cannot believe it either!

Live and Let Drive

Lawrence: How can ya go outside when it's Grand Prix Day?

Candace: (sarcastically) Uh, yeah, well, my pleather jumpsuit is at the cleaners and I feel underdressed.
Lawrence: Oh, that's understandable then.
Linda: She was being facetious, dear.

Lawrence: Oh, I see.
Adrian: Let's look at an incomprehensible map of the race course, shall we?

(Cut to the map.)
Nigel: (offscreen) I can't make heads or tails out of it. You?

Ian: (offscreen) Uh, no clue, but no doubt, it'll be exciting!
Bouncer: Monsieur, there are no pets allowed in the casino.
Doofenshmirtz: What? He's not my mysterious platypus. I didn't bring him in here! I just—Oh, oh, you mean the cat. (Doof takes a white cat from under the table and leaves.) Yeah, my bad.
Norm: Look what I found! Metal teeth!

Doofenshmirtz: Uch, you've always had metal teeth, Norm.
Norm: Yes, but these are sharp.

Doofenshmirtz: What does that matter? You can't open your mouth.
Doofenshmirtz: Hasta la pasta, baby!
Major Monogram: Carl has been trying to convince Vanderbeek to get back in the race using his sophisticated powers of persuasion.
Carl: C'mon, pretty please? Pretty please with a cherry on top? I'll be your best friend!
Nigel: I say, that is an unprecedented amount of contact shunts and shenanigans!

Adrian: Shenanigans?
Ian: You don't think there's some sort of foul play afoot.
Adrian: In Grand Prix racing? Don't be ridiculous!

Nigel: That kind of thing only happens in cartoons.

Phineas and Ferb Save Summer

Main article: Phineas and Ferb Save Summer/Memorable Quotes

Father's Day

Major Monogram: Morning, Agent P. I see you're trying out the new SFU 2000. It's a lot of fun, but don't let your duties slide.
Doofenshmirtz: Sorry for the lack of inflight meals or entertainment, Perry the Platypus, but one cannon can only go so far, so I set up a worldwide network.
Lawrence: (voice breaking in tears) Thank you so much, boys! I can't think of a better Father's Day gift!

Phineas: Actually, there's a hidden feature you might wanna check out.
Reginald: (emerging from the passenger seat) 'Ello, son!
Lawrence: D-Dad?! B-B-B-But...
Reginald: C'mon! Give us a hug!
Lawrence: (hugging his father) Oh, happy Father's Day!
Reginald: What do you say we go on our traditional Father's Day flight?
Lawrence: Race you to the cockpit!
Phineas: Have fun!
Lawrence: What are you two standing there for? You're part of the tradition now! Come on!
Phineas: Cool!
Reginald: Right then!

Lawrence: Here we go!
Doofenshmirtz: Okay, so the gnome tracker located my father's long lost lawn gnome to this location. (He opens the door and gasps.) There it is! (He picks up a lawn gnome, but it talks.)

Gnome: Hey, put me down!
Doofenshmirtz: Ah! I thought you were my father's lawn gnome.

Gnome: No worries. I get that all the time. Probably due to my height combined with my eccentric fashion choices.
Doofenshmirtz: (knocks and opens the door) Hello? Father? You're never going to guess what I brought y— (He trips on the floor mat and the gnome shatters to pieces.)

Doofenshmirtz's Dad: Oh, hello, Heinz.
Doofenshmirtz: (sadly) Hello, Father.
Doofenshmirtz's Dad: I see you've brought me assorted broken bits of pottery for Father's Day. Well, I suppose it's the thought that, um...counts. Your brother, Roger, remembered how much I loved that old lawn gnome, so he sent me this. (walks up to a giant lawn gnome) Look, it also makes espresso. (The gnome opens a compartment door and an espresso spout pours some into a mug, which Doofenshmirtz's dad takes out and sips.) Delicious. But, you know, rubble is...a nice gift, too.
Doofenshmirtz: (voice breaking in tears) Father's Day. And...okay, bye-bye. (leaves)

Doofenshmirtz's Dad: All zis way just to give me broken shards of potter— (gasps and sees the serial number) DAEHM23?!
Doofenshmirtz: (to Perry) You are my rock. And by that, I mean you're there for me, you're not made out of rock. You're actually made out of...well, platypus, probably.
Lawrence: Well, that was the best Father's Day flight yet! It brought back some some wonderful old memories and created a lot of new ones. Thank you, boys, for making this possible!
Linda: Hi, honey! Hi, boys! So how was your day?

Lawrence: Oh, the boys and I spent a wonderful day flying with Father!
Linda: Ah, the internet is a wonderful thing.

Lawrence: Well, yes, I...pfft...s'pose it is.
Linda: Well, here's something special from Candace and me.

Candace: (giving her father a gift box) Here you go!
Lawrence: (opening the box) Oh, my! An exact replica of Father's biplane! Oh, it's perfect! (giving his daughter a hug) Thank you so much, sweetheart!
Candace: Happy Father's Day, Dad!

(The rest of the family join the hug.)
Doofenshmirtz: (reading) "To the most evil dad in the whole world, Happy Father's Day. Love, Vanessa." Aw, a gift basket of switches and self-destruct buttons. (pushes a self-destruct button) That's my girl!

Imperfect Storm

Candace: Are the boys doing anything bustable yet?
Linda: Not yet. Although they are trying to figure out how they can both use the push broom at the same time.
Candace: OK, keep me posted.

Phineas: Also, that's yesterday's paper.
Linda: I thought the city council was getting a little redundant.
Carl: Is he gone sir?
Major Monogram: Yeah, c'mon, let's go to Vegas.
Isabella: But that was just one big puff of air! How can we fly kites like that?

Phineas: Simple! Irving has volunteered to keep puffing air into the intake. (Irving is seen climbing up a ladder.)
Irving: I've been eating mint all morning! (shows a bunch of mint) You know, so it won't be stinky!
Isabella: That's very thoughtful of you, Irving.

Irving: (snidely) I didn't really do it for you.
Floraine: Een - nul voor haar. ("One - nil.")
Pierre: No, I didn't get the money up front.
Doofenshmirtz: Ha ha! You fell for the old spring-loaded-cable-trap-hidden-in-a-ring-box trick. What the? Th-that's a thing.
Doofenshmirtz: I don't know how they got the picture in the magazine so quick. I guess they're trying to compete with the internet.
Doofenshmirtz: What? Oh, you think it's petty that I've held onto this grudge for so long. Well, it's not. It's evil, or something. It's not petty!
Candace: Mom, I need to go into my closet and tell me what--

Linda: (places hand on forehead) Candace, I- look- call me in a few minutes. I'm a little ticked off right now.
Candace: (she gets a surprised expression on her face.) What happened?
Linda: Du Bois made a huge mess in the yard; they ripped off the lawn, there's a giant bucket, and a bunch of catcuses. (raises voice in an angry way) I'm so mad! I gotta go.
(scene switches to mall)
Stacy: Candace, what's wrong?

Candace: (weakly, referring to Phineas and Ferb) It's the boys, they're busted.
Buford: Just remember, Baljeet, a captain always goes down with the ship. (gives hat to Baljeet)
Baljeet: Oh boy, a promotion.
Floraine: Ja, ik heb water in mijn laarzen. ("I've got water in my boots.")

Linda: (with still hand on forehead) What did he say?

Pierre: He said, (angrily) "GREAT ART TAKES TIME!" (normal voice) in Dutch.
Grulinda: Wait! Is that... hold on one second. (reaches for glasses and puts them on, then gasps) Soggy bottom Heinz Doofenshmirtz! It is you.

Doofenshmirtz: Wow, you've changed. You used to be so... you know, what's the polite way to say... you know, like this one? (points to mean woman) Ugly.

Mean Woman: Oh oh, you're on my list now, buddy.
(Cut to landscapers showing off a garden sculpture of a woman, part-body, holding a bunch of flowers and thorns with her eyes closed.)

Pierre: She holds the thorns with symbolizes the hardships of being a mom, and she holds pink jasmine, which symbolizes the joy of children.
Linda: This, is, the most, (does the puppy eye look) sweet and adorable thing I've ever seen. (walks away)
Pierre: (in a loud and not-so-happy voice) Sweet and adorable? (angrily) She's mocking us!

Floraine: Nee, volgens mij vindt ze het echt wat. ("No, I think she really likes it.")
Grulinda: Oh, why are you all wet?

Doofenshmirtz: He, he, funny thing. I was flying over your party with a giant bucket of water, and this platypus hit me with a--
Grulinda: Why are you flying over my party with a big bucket of water?
(The mean woman appears onstage.)
Mean Woman: He's gonna dump on you for revenge.

Doofenshmirtz: Okay, now you're on my list.
Grulinda: Have you been holding this petty grudge all these years?

(The mean woman reappears with a cup of water.)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh no, it's not petty; I was explaining to the platypus earlier; it's not--
Grulinda: (angrily) Well, here you go. I pour water on your head. (pours water on Doof's head. She then throws the cup to Doof, and she and the mean woman walk away.)
(Zoom out to reveal Perry walking to Doof.)

Doofenshmirtz: Wait. Was that for the vengeance thing or you still like me? (Water is thrown onto Doof. To Perry) Yeah, it was the vengeance thing. (a cup is thrown onto Doof.)
Pierre: (angrily) I have never been so insulted in my life! (Cut to inside of truck.) She called it sweet and adorable!

Floraine: Zere voeten en nog steeds nat. Getverderrie. ("My feet hurt and they are wet.")
Pierre: (normal tone) By the way, Floraine, I have no idea what you are saying.
Floraine: Would you rather I spoke in English?

Pierre: Well yeah, now that you mentioned it, yeah.

The Return of the Rogue Rabbit

Buford: My uncle Oslo from Oslo used to make huge marionette puppets!

Buford: (voiceover) People would come from miles around to see 'em. Or at least they would have, if he ever finished one.
(End flashback.)
Phineas: Wait, Oslo's in Norway. I thought your family was Dutch.

Buford: Eh.
Major Monogram: Agent P, we have a situation. Dennis the Rogue Agent, formerly our most wanted rodent—

Carl: (offscreen) Lagomorph, sir.
Major Monogram: What's that, Carl?
Carl: (offscreen) Sir, they used to be considered rodents, but were reclassified in the early twentieth century.
Major Monogram: Oh, well, I'll have to fix that then. Carl, run out and buy me a new set of encyclopedias.

Carl: (offscreen) A set of what, sir?
Major Monogram: If this isn't the work of Doofenshmirtz, (Perry takes off) then Carl will eat my hat.
Carl: (offscreen) Hey!
Doofenshmirtz: You can come out now, Dennis the Rabbit! (The disco ball opens revealing Dennis in cutesy animal mode.) Aw, look how cute! He's cute! (to Norm) Isn't he cute, Norm?

Norm: He's adorable! And so soft...and warm...and squishy!

Doofenshmirtz: Okay, back off, Lennie, you're creepin' me out!
Doofenshmirtz: I always wanted a rodent for a partner.

Norm: (offscreen) Lagomorph, sir.

Doofenshmirtz: Gesundheit.
Doofenshmirtz: I like to call it my Transmogrification-Backpack-inator! (straps it on Dennis) It'll give you a robotic exoskeleton that can transform into almost anything. And it's perfect to wear undercover, so no one will ever suspect. Except, maybe, to say, "Hey, look, there's a rabbit wearing a backpack."
Candace: It's true. Ferb told me. It's called rennet, Stacy. They scrape it from the lining of a calf's stomach to make cheese.
Stacy: And yet, when I wanna talk about sushi, you say it's disgusting.
Stacy: (in reaction to Candace getting her rabbit back) Stay down, breakfast. Stay down.
Candace: Cutie Patootie, I got your chowsie-wowsie! (gasps) Oh! Stacy, he's gone! Where do you think he went?

Stacy: Maybe he's down at the docks.
Candace: Yeah, maybe he—"Down at the docks?"

Stacy: Or maybe he's just playing with his friends.
Doofenshmirtz: Time to see how my little friend is doing. (to the camera) You see, I installed a bunch of nanobot cameras on his backpack.

Norm: Who installed them?

Doofenshmirtz: It was my idea!
Phineas: The big difference is that the marionette has strings, while a puppet is hollow, so it can be manipulated from within. But that doesn't mean that a marionette can't be hollow or a puppet has strings. The thing to remember is that some people take the subject very seriously, even though, technically, there's no difference grammatically. I looked it up.
Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, Perry the—blub! (Coughs.) Platypus. I was trying to say, "Platypus."
Doofenshmirtz: (drifting away on the puppet) Okay, I guess I'll see you both later. Unless I miss my guess, I'm on my way to...Norway, so, uh, take it easy, Dennis the Rogue Rabbit and uh, curse you, Perry the Platypus!
Candace: (offscreen) Mr. Patootie! (cut to Candace and Stacy) Where are you?

Stacy: There he is!
Candace: (gasps) Mr. Patootie! (runs off)

Stacy: (to the camera) Whadaya know? He was down at the docks.
Major Monogram: (appearing in disguise with Carl, also in disguise) Oh, look! There he is! My pet bunny, Mr. Bigelow! I've been lookin' everywhere for you! Get over here, you naughty lagomorph!

Candace: But he's... (to Phineas) Do I have to?

Phineas: Well, he is a lagomorph.

It's No Picnic

Candace: Okay, what are you doing? And what has to do with my brothers?

Isabella: Um, it's something of a delicate matter.
Milly: Romeo is all go.
Candace: Delicate?
Isabella: Well. You might not know, but I have a little bit of crush on Phineas.
Ginger: Little being subjective.
Isabella: Stand down, Fireside Girl.
Candace: Totally get the crush thing. You know I don't quite get the Phineas thing. I mean, you do realize that his head is a triangle.
Isabella: Yeah, it's so acute.

Candace: Whatever. I've got your back, sister. I will stay away from the yard and keep mom out of the way too, like, that should be difficult.
Isabella: Here we go. Let's just take a look -- You know, I'm kinda hungry.

Phineas: Well then, why not just have a picnic?
Isabella: Well. What a great idea! And I just happen to have...a picnic basket right here!
(Cut to Gretchen at the computer.)

Gretchen: Ooh, she's good.
Holly: Oh no! We've got a code Irving!

Gretchen: Strike team deploy!
(Irving was quickly taken away by the Fireside Girls)
Phineas: Did you hear something?
Isabella: Nope.
(Fireside Girls brings Irving to the Fireside mobile tactical headquarters)
Ginger: Mission accomplished.

Irving: Hello ladies. Rrrawr.
Baljeet: Try our famous Tjinder family vindaloo!

Buford: No, no. Try our Van Stomm family bitterballen!
Baljeet: (running) Try the vindaloo!
Buford: (also running) Bitterballen!
Baljeet: Vindaloo!
Buford: Bitterballen!
Both bump into each other.
Baljeet: Hey, you got your bitterballen in my vindaloo.
Buford: And you got your vindaloo all over my bitterballen!
Baljeet: I wonder if these two great tastes will taste great together.
Buford: Nah. We should kill this with fire.

Baljeet: (pauses) Agreed.
Linda: Come on Candace, let's go home.

Candace: But, but, but... a whole park.
Linda: Yeah, and just the two of them.

Candace: I get it, but ew!

The Klimpaloon Ultimatum

Candace: Check out my Klimpy style!

Stacy: Girl, I have already cashed that check, and I don't even know what that means.

Candace and Stacy: (giggle) Girl talk!
Doofenshmirtz: P-Perry the Platypus, are you texting while I'm monologuing?!
Mr. Random: Mittington Random here, sponsor of the show and President of Random Swimwear. You're welcome. According to the rules, when a fact-based song is called into question, physical proof must be presented here within 24 hours.

Danny: How are we supposed to do that?
Mr. Random: Well, actually, you can't.
Danny: Wait, what?!
Mr. Random: Oh, Daniel, the rules clearly state that the band, along with the presenters, are to be locked in a soundproof room for 24 hours or until evidence is provided, whichever comes first.
Lawrence (as Max Modem): Wait a minute, why the presenters?

Mr. Random: I can't hear you 'cause you're supposed to be in a soundproof booth.
Buford: What about that cave up there with the weird Klimpaloon-shaped totem?

Baljeet: If Buford is now the brains of this operation, my life has lost all meaning!

Buford: Watch it! Long underwear makes the best wedgies!
Mr. Random: Got 'im!

All: Mr. Random!
Mr. Random: This unforeseen plot twist...brought to you by Random Swimwear.

Buford: (appearing over the Random Swimwear card) Wow! I totally thought that shadowy figure was gonna be Slamm Hammer!
Max Modem: And then, the hobo gave it back to me, quixotically. And that was the day before we met! So the next day at breakfast, I ordered poached eggs with salmon. But I didn't have poached eggs with salmon! Ha ha!
Candace: Get us down from here!

Mr. Random: Uh, that really didn't align with my plans, so... not... gonna happen.
Candace: Look, if you're going to destroy my chance at stardom, I think I deserve an explanation.

Mr. Random: All right. I, I do like the sound of my own voice.
Phineas: We've gotta save him!

Baljeet: But how? Mr. Random is already miles away. We have no idea where he is going and no way to get there except on foot!

Buford: Wow! What is with all the negativity?
Candace: Let's look around. Maybe we can find some clues.
Buford: See? Now that's constructive.
Candace: Follow that thread!

Baljeet: We cannot follow a thread.

Buford: Again with the negativity.
Doofenshmirtz: Aw, man, Roger's not on 'til the end of the show? Can't you get him back sooner?

Stagehand: No. Who do you think you are?
Doofenshmirtz: I'm his brother.
Stagehand: Nepotism will get you nowhere with me.
Doofenshmirtz: Well, maybe not yet, but wait 'til Roger's a warthog! (he leaves)

Stagehand: I do not know what that means.
Candace: Now what?

Phineas: Okay. (gets into the snow and maps out a diagram) I'll just create a diversion here so that Buford and Baljeet can flank them from the left. Ferb can then use his intimidating shout to scatter them so that Isabella can come in from behind. That should work unless they have reinforcements. What do you think, Baljeet? Can you give me a number crunch real quick?
Baljeet: Uh, gimme a sec. I am coming up with a 32.3% chance of success.
Phineas: Well, we've seen worse.
Buford: Alright, guys, let's do this! BUFORD VAN STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!!!
Phineas: He just ran in!
Candace: (going after him) Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!
Isabella: (also going after him) Dang it, Buford!
Phineas: (also going after him, angrily) Stick to the plan, man! Stick to the plan!
(Cut to inside where they immediately get captured.)
Baljeet: What the?!

Buford: What? I used gamer strategy.
Doofenshmirtz: Y'know, it's not the same without Perry the Platypus. I can't believe he ditched me. One lousy award and he goes all diva! Pfft!
Mr. Random: (after singing his jingle) Pretty catchy, doncha think?
Buford: If by "catchy", you mean "sucks the life outta the room and makes me wanna puke"...then yeah.
Phineas: C'mon, guys! Now's our chance to free Klimpaloon and—

Baljeet: Oh, no, not again!

Buford: So I did it again.
Candace: So what do we do?

Phineas: Save Klimpaloon, of course!
Klimpaloon: Nang nang nang... (etc.)
Phineas: There he is! Follow his voice!
Buford: Got 'im!
Baljeet: Ow! That is me!

Buford: Whoops. My bad. That wedgie was unintentional.
Drummer: I thought you said you'd stop at nothing to keep them from finding Klimpaloon.
Slamm: That's right. I did nothing and stopped.
(Klimpaloon begins to magically float over the audience and the audience oohs in amazement.)

Linda (as Lindana): Wow, he really is magical!

Phineas: Actually, he's being pulled up by a cable. Thanks, Miguel!
Mr. Random: (menacingly) Look at them. Enjoying their triumph. "Ooh, we're so happy! We saved Klimpaloon! Let's all sing!" Well, enjoy it now, because I will get my hands on Klimpaloon! I'll unravel his secret, even if I have to rip him apart, stitch by stitch and then, the moronic people of the world will beat a path to my door, and beg for my cheap Klimpaloon knockoff line, 'cause consumers are just like lemmings, brainless little animals that I can manipulate right off the fiscal cliff like the puppet master that I am!
Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, Perry the...I guess he doesn't really get credit for this one. He was just playing tambourine with Swine Flute. It's not really.... (sighs) Well....Sort of anticlimactic for me.

Operation Crumb Cake

Isabella: Thanks for showing me the old scrapbooks, Nana. I love hearing about the old days. Tell me again about string art. And what was it like to get up and change the channel on the TV?
Nana's Friend: Oh, that's so cute, honey. Look at how old-fashioned I still am. I'm writing a letter. By hand.
Isabella: Wow. I've been wanting to tell someone how I feel for a long time, now.

Nana's Friend: Really? I've got an extra pen and paper!
Nana Shapiro: Now take your time, deeply state your feelings, and express your... (Isabella hands her the paper)

Isabella: I've been scripting this thing out in my head for years.
Isabella: So Nana, when Grandpa got your letter, did he come running to you and sweep you into his arms?

Nana Shapiro: What? Oh no. I never mailed it. I'm not brave like you. I mean, he would've laughed at me or shown the letter to his friends. Can you imagine the embarrassment?

Isabella: (gets nervous) Oh boy!
Linda: Hon, why do you have all these boxes of take out food thingys?

Lawrence: It's such a waste to get rid of them. See? Look. Chopsticks and Ponzu sauce. That's Japanese but-but look, there's also a Chinese fortune cookie, that's what's known as fusion.
Linda: Okay. I'm hungry.
Lawrence: Oh. Let's go get some food. Would you kids like to come along?

Phineas: No thanks, dad. We had fusion for breakfast.
Carl: Excuse me, sir. I believe horoscopes are meant for entertainment rather to be taken as fact.
Major Monogram: Of course, you think that, Carl. You're a Capricorn.
Isabella: I just mailed a letter stating my true feelings to Phineas and we need to stop him before he reads it! This mission is top priority! I call it "Operation Crumb Cake"!

Ginger: Crumb Cake? Is that what you called him?
(all laugh)

Isabella: Oh boy, it's worse than I thought.
Doofenshmirtz: No wonder my evil schemes keep failing! And that is why I invented the Unretrograde-inator! You know, to reverse my bad luck. And I know that Unretrograde is sort of a double negative. It sounds like I'm making Mercury go forwards but I'm actually sending it backwards from going backwards which happens to look forward but it isn't. You know what? Basically, it's a Reverse-inator but... Unretrograde-inator! It sounded more astrology-y.
Isabella: We'll never catch them this way! But we will get that letter back! No matter how nicely or politely we have to ask!
Doofenshmirtz: (to Perry) Does this make sense to you? Listen. "Someone is secretly speaking on your behalf."

Norm: (offscreen) Time to unmake the coffee.

Doofenshmirtz: It sounds positive for me, and I like that, but who is speaking nicely of me? Wait, was it you, Perry the Platypus?
Isabella: Any questions?

Gretchen: Yeah. How long has this mailbox been here?

Isabella: Oy. (runs off)
Norm: Wow, is he hard to catch!
Doofenshmirtz: You're just noticing this, huh?
Phineas: Here, Baljeet has thoughtfully recreated Gainsborough's The Blue Boy completely in red pepper flakes.
Baljeet: (revealing his eyes are red, teary and bloodshot) I wish I would have thoughtfully recreated an eyewash station. Sheesh!
Ginger: Excuse me, but do you have a letter in your bag addressed to Danville resident Phineas Flynn?

Postwoman: (searches in her bag) Hmm, looks like I do.
Ginger: (sternly) We demand that you hand it over to us immediately! (politely) Please?
Postwoman: I'm sorry, it is unlawful for a postal carrier to deliver any envelope or parcel into the hands of anyone except the intended recipient as indicated in the address column of said envelope or parcel.
Holly: What about afterwards? Can we jump him and wrestle it out of his hands?

Postwoman: Honey, what you do with your afternoon is none of my business.
Norm: Come back here! Now I've got-- (Perry spins the inator and it hits Norm.) --rhythm?
(Perry pushes the self-destruct button. To his surprise nothing happens. He ponders for a moment and tries pressing again repeatedly.)

Doofenshmirtz: Ha! Gotcha! See, I began to think, "If only I had a nickel for every time you pushed my inator's self-destruct button", and then it hit me. You wouldn't have a nickel either because you don't have any pockets! Wait, wait, wait, what are you-?! (Perry takes off his fedora revealing a nickel on his head.) Oh, I forgot about your hat. (Perry puts the nickel in the slot.) Curse you, Perry the Pla--

Doofenshmirtz: See?! You never let me finish my sentences!


Baljeet: How about these helicopter blades?

Phineas: Just lean 'em up against the tree for now.
Baljeet: Ten-four, good buddy.
Buford: Why do you sound like you're in a 1970s road comedy?
Baljeet: There was a cable marathon on last night.

Buford: Oh, I missed it.
Major Monogram: Idea for TV spinoff: "Platypus in a Staircase".
Candace: Stace, the thing with boys is I just don't get them. You think they're saying one thing, but then you don't know if they really mean something else. They're like those Egyptian drawings that no one understands.

Stacy: You mean like hieroglyphics? Those were deciphered in the early 1800s after they found the Rosetta Stone.
Candace: Fine. They're like something else no one understands. Like, how you know that?

Stacy: (mumbles) I 'unno.
Doofenshmirtz: Rather than move or shell out extra cash, I can use this device to create a holographic field around myself, impersonate the pizza delivery boy, and pick up my own pizza. It'll still be warm, but then I said Heinz, Heinz, you're-you're thinking too small. Why not think of pizza boy's boss, but then I said Heinz, Heinz, and I said what? I'm right here. Stop saying my name. And then I said why be the pizza boy's boss when you can be the pizza franchise owner?
Doofenshmirtz: Whoops. One pizza delivery boy, comin' up! I don't know who that was for. It was such a good line. It would've been a shame to hold it back. It's uh, oh hush.
Candace: Stacy, Phineas and Ferb have turned me into a holographic image of a pizza boy!
Stacy: Cool. Can I have a veggie special with non-dairy cheese?
Stacy: Hey, too bad Jeremy didn't order a pizza. Then, you can hang out with him and find out what guys talk about.

Candace: Brilliant! (gasps; laughs)

Stacy: Just kidding, Candace. Candace! Oh boy, I gotta work on my delivery. It's way too deadpan.
Isabella: Did you order a pizza?

Phineas: Nope.
Baljeet: Maybe, he delivered a pizza before you even thought about ordering it.

Phineas: Ferb, make a note for later. Time travel pizzeria.
Doofenshmirtz: And then I thought, why be a brigadier general when I can be a major general? I mean, why not? Right? I'm a modern guy. And then I thought, maybe I'm still shooting too low. Why be a major general when I can be a lieutenant general? And then I thought, why-- (Perry slaps him) Ow! What, do you have a blowtorch under your tail or something?
Jeremy and Coltrane's friend: (repeated line) What?
Coltrane: I have a feeling if Jeremy doesn't wash that shirt soon, it's gonna be reported as a health hazard.
Candace: I have really been underestimating Stacy's conversational skills.
Doofenshmirtz: Okay. I can tell by the way you're looking at me that I'm suddenly the twenty-sixth president of the United States, Teddy Roosevelt. Downside is: I'll be succeeded by William Taft. Blech! The upside, Perry the Platypus, is that the hero of San Juan Hill was a heck of a pugilist. Put up your dukes. Come on.

(Perry gets turned into a gorilla)

Doofenshmirtz: (looking like Teddy Roosevelt) Mm, guess the animal setting wasn't such a hot (Perry the Platypus (currently impersonating a gorilla) punches Doofenshmirtz) Ow! Wait. How did you punch me? The hologram was so much taller than you. (Perry picks him up) Ah! Ow! It defies logic.
(Doofenshmirtz gets turned into a pig.)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, come on! (Perry gets turned into a football player) Oh, I get it. Pig skin.
Doofenshmirtz: (as a velociraptor) Oh, great! Where am I supposed to find a paleo-orthodontist?
Phineas: Okay, Ferb. Fire it up. (Ferb turns on the machine) Ah. Congratulations, guys. We're the first humans ever to taste blueberry air.
Buford: Eh, I'm more of a lingonberry kind of guy.
Buford: (to Candace) I'll take a large pie with andouille sausage and chocolate chips.
Candace: First of all: Ew. Why would you eat that? And second: I'm not a pizza boy!
Phineas: We were just makin' blueberry air.

Candace: Why blueberry? Why not lingonberry?

Buford: Exactly. What's that all about?
Candace: Buford is like, the eighth person to order pizza from me. And that's not even how you order pizza.
Doofenshmirtz: Who's this nincompoop? (realizes he called himself a nincompoop) Oh, right. Curse you, Perry the Platypus, and-and the football player, the gorilla, and Lulu Jones, and Blanca Dishon and Director Dipthong. Everybody! Curse you all!
Buford: I guess my pizza orders aren't goin' in. WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE BUFORD?!?!

Phineas and Ferb: Star Wars

Main article: Phineas and Ferb: Star Wars/Memorable Quotes

Lost in Danville

Phineas: It's a mystery, Ferb. A riddle. Whispering a secret to an enigma while driving down a lost highway in an Escher painting. How do they get the toothpaste into the tube?
Major Monogram: You know, sometimes, I feel like he just comes here to get his assignments.
Phineas: I think I'm actually running out of ideas here.

Isabella: And pianos.

Baljeet: Should I go get a pipe organ?
Buford: I know the secret of how to open that hatch!

Phineas: You do?
Buford: I do! You see, for generations and generations, the Van Stomm family has been the guardian of the secret knowledge and protectors of the mystery capsule. We made the thirteenth-century templars look like a bunch of wusses. And throughout the ages, our family has pledged our lives to conceal it from the unenlightened. And in doing so, we were entrusted with the only key that can unlock the capsule secrets.
Baljeet: Really?

Buford: Nah, just messin' with ya. I found it on the other side of the fence. I saw it fall out of the lock when the capsule dropped from the sky.
Doofenshmirtz: Uh, hello! Anyone there? Marco! Y-you're supposed to say Polo! There better be a satisfying explanation for this when it's over or I'm gonna be merciless on my blog!
Baljeet: What mysteries does it contain? (gasps) Perhaps dozens of strange Schrödinger's cats!
Buford: But I ain't cleaning that litter box.
Doofenshmirtz: (gasps) Peter the Panda? Oh, that was a good shot of me. Oh, and that one. That one, too. And that one, that one was terrible, my nose looked all crooked, eh, it needed scribbling on it.
Doofenshmirtz: Hello, inky shape hovering in the darkness, what gives?

Shadowy Figure: It is I. Professor Mystery.
Doofenshmirtz: Okay.
Professor Mystery: Peter the Panda never mentioned me?

Doofenshmirtz: No, but he doesn't actually, you know, talk.
Baljeet: Wait. You have a hamster that's allergic to air?

Bernie: You must believe me! Because I'm you from the future!
Baljeet: I am not Indian in the future?
Bernie: (to Isabella) I'm you from the future!

Old Lady: Stop telling people you're them from the future!
Baljeet: Well, that cannot be good!

Buford: Well, you did hit it with a lot of pianos.

Professor Mystery: How did you get chorus girls in here?
Doofenshmirtz: Eh, they're union, they'll travel.
Doofenshmirtz: Come on, Perry the Platypus. Let's go home. I talk to you enough, right? Yeah, you're right. Maybe too much.

The Inator Method

Linda: Well, your chores better be done before I get back from running my errands.

Candace: No problemo, Mom! You're lookin' at the queen of mul...ti...tas...king!

Linda: Just make sure you hit the whole list, Your Majesty.
Phineas: The first one to complete 50 laps around the sun wins the Galaxy 5000! Technically, it should be "The Galaxy 50", but, y'know, "The Galaxy 5000" sounds so much cooler.
Irving: Alright, racers, status check!

Baljeet: Saturn, check!
Buford: Oo-ran-ohs, check!
Baljeet: Buford, that is not how it is pronounced!

Buford: It is on this channel!
Albert: Pluto is go!

Irving: Albert?! What are you doing here?! Pluto isn't even a planet!

Albert: That is still in dispute.
Doofenshmirtz: Okay, so now that we got the basics covered, we can get to the fun part. Let's start with trapping your nemesis. (Cut to Perry with a nametag lanyard on taking notes. He gets trapped by the lanyard.) Nametag, you're it!

Perry: (chatters angrily)
Doofenshmirtz: The keys to a good trap are the element of surprise and, also, if you can work in a good pun . That's always nice.
Billy: Uh, what about constraint and effectiveness?

Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, yeah, th-that'll be covered in the thwarting portion of our seminar. Don't...Don't get ahead of yourself.
Bald Man: (speaking in a female voice) Wait a second! He's just motivated to buy your junk! This is nothin' but a money-makin' scam!
Doofenshmirtz: Exactly, what better motivation is there?
Trucker: 'Scuse me, I don't normally run into strangers' backyards, but I'm inexplicably motivated to buy your solar system racetrack. How much?

Baljeet: Five bucks.

Trucker: Sold!
Phineas: Well, that was a lot of interplanetary fun!

Buford: Plus, we made five bucks!
Baljeet: We should put that in the bank.

Buford: At 1% interest?! Are you kiddin'?!

Night of the Living Pharmacists

Main article: Night of the Living Pharmacists/Memorable Quotes

Tales from the Resistance: Back to the 2nd Dimension

Female Voice: (whispering) I am ashparash!
Male Voice: (also whispering) What's that?
Female Voice: (whispering) It's Elvish.
Male Voice: (whispering) Yes, but what does it mean?
Female Voice: (whispering) It doesn't mean anything. It's a made-up language.
Male Voice: (whispering) Oh, then I want to try one.
Female Voice: (whispering) Go ahead.
Male Voice: (whispering) Sepulveda.
Female Voice: (whispering) What?

Male Voice: (whispering) It's an exit off the 405.
Buford-2: Hey, guys! I think I stepped on a slug.

Dr. Baljeet: A slug, really?
Buford-2: Wait a sec. What do you call those things that eat nuts and live in trees?
Dr. Baljeet: A squirrel?

Buford-2: Yeah. It was definitely a slug.
Phineas-2: So how's the "summer fun" coming along, Dr. Baljeet?

Dr. Baljeet: Well, since the Phineas and Ferb from the first dimension suggested we make the most of our summer, Buford and I have been experimenting with fun, and so far...

Buford-2: So far, I'd rather be breakin' rocks for the state. But, in all fairness, I do love breakin' stuff.
Major Monogram-2: We captured Doofenshmirtz. Nothing left to resist. And it would look foolish to just stand there, resisting nothing... Well, unless you're a mime. Then it would look totally cool.
Isabella-2: Candace? Candace? Come in, Candace!

Candace-2: (Takes off her shades and turns around) Isabella? Oh, hey.
Isabella-2: Wait a minute, are you standing sentry?
Candace-2: (stoic) What? No. I was about to frolic down the hillside. I'm all about this whole "fun" thing.
Isabella-2: Y'know, you're not foolin' anybody.
Candace-2: Yeah?
Isabella-2: Bo staff.

Candace-2: Right.
Isabella-2: In the meantime, I'd like to introduce you to a little thing the kids are calling "ice cream". (runs down the hill)
Candace-2: "I scream?" W-What is that? Some kind of weird yelling game?
Candace-2: Ow! Ow!
Isabella-2: Candace, you have to eat the ice cream slowly.
Candace-2: Monogram, we just got ambushed at the picnic. This has Doofenshmirtz written all over it.
Major Monogram-2: (on screen) Well, that's impossible. He's right here in our detention facility. I-I-I just played checkers with him. (He cheats, by the way.)
Major Monogram-2: Ah, well, I didn't want to say anything before, but we kind of lost track of some of the agents when Doof took over.

Candace-2: How many did you lose?
Major Monogram-2: Carl, hand me that roster. (Carl-2 gives him a notepad) Let's see, including Agent P... (He hums the ABC song.) A-B-C-D, hmm, hmm, hmm...
Carl-2: 26, sir.

Major Monogram-2: 26!
Candace-2: All right, Doofenshmirtz, what do you know about robotic picnic ants and a fist-full of cyborgs?
Doofenshmirtz-2: Ants at a picnic? So it's's a rhetorical question, is it?
Doofenshmirtz-2: Well, it wasn't me. There is, however, another Doofenshmirtz.

Candace-2: Vanessa! I knew it!
Doofenshmirtz-2: No, no, not Vanessa. She's just in high school. And she doesn't show any aptitude for evil. As a parent, I'm really disappointed. No, I'm-I'm talking about the other other Doofenshmirtz. Charlene! (whip pan to a photo of Charlene-2) Bum bum bum!
Candace-2: And who is that?

Doofenshmirtz-2: Charlene Doofenshmirtz. She's my ex-wife. I-I guess you guys have never met. That kinda takes away the drama of the reveal. But it's her.
Buford-2: Now this is as much fun as bustin' rocks for the state!
Major Monogram-2: We've had Doofenshmirtz moved to this interrogation room so Candace Flynn can question him thoroughly.

Carl-2: Are you sure he can't see you?
Major Monogram-2: It's a one-way mirror. Here, watch this. (He makes a face at Doof-2.)
Doofenshmirtz-2: You know, I can see you!
Major Monogram-2: Oh, maybe it's just that he can't hear us.
Doofenshmirtz-2: I can hear you, too!
Major Monogram-2: Huh. Maybe I just don't know how this one-way mirror thing works.
Mover: Comin' through.
Major Monogram-2: Oh, okay. Now I'm embarrassed.

(The glass is placed on the window.)
Candace-2: Alright, knock it off, glamour boy.
Doofenshmirtz-2: I just haven't seen a mirror for two months. Did my hair always look like this?
Candace-2: Just park your caboose in that chair.
Doofenshmirtz-2: Choo-Choo is not a caboose. It's an engine.
Candace-2: You know why I'm here and you better cooperate, because there are worse things than sittin' in a cold, dank prison cell with your little choo-choo train.

Doofenshmirtz-2: Like what?
Candace-2: Like sitting in a cold, dank prison cell without your little choo-choo train.
Doofenshmirtz-2: You wouldn't!

Candace-2: Try me.
Candace-2: How do I get in?

Doofenshmirtz-2: You would have to pass through the identification scrutinizer. Only a Doofenshmirtz can get through.
Candace-2: Lucky for us, we got one of those.

Doofenshmirtz-2: Yeah. Oh! You mean me, right?
Doofenshmirtz-2: Hey, kids! Where do you keep the silverware?
Phineas-2: Wow, cool restraints.

Candace-2: Actually, he asked for this stuff.

Doofenshmirtz-2: The mask makes me sound all creepy. Here, check this out. Fava beans... Fava beans...
Candace-2: Wow, the identity scrutinizer is really thorough.

(Cut to reveal Doof-2 scanning his butt.)

Doofenshmirtz-2: You have no idea.
Vanessa-2: Uh, Mom, Tony Marzulo asked me out to the movies. Can I go?

Charlene-2: (getting her nails filed by a rat-borg) Didn't your father banish him?
Vanessa-2: Yeah, but Dad banished every boy that asked me to the movies. Besides, Dad's no longer in power.
Charlene-2: The day isn't over yet, dear.
Vanessa-2: But, Mom...
Charlene-2: I don't know. (to the Rat-borg) What do you think?
Rat-borg: (squeaks)
Charlene-2: There's your answer.

Vanessa-2: Uh, thanks?
Candace-2: Okay, I get it, you're still married. But why would you send the ants to the picnic? You had to know we'd come after you.

Charlene-2: Of course. And I also knew you would use Heinz to get in the building, bringing my husband back to me and getting you here, so I could get the drop on you.
Candace-2: A lot of convoluted reasons there, too.
Charlene-2: We've got another song! (The music starts up again.)

Candace-2: No no no, we're good. (The music warps down.)
Charlene-2: Well, Heinz, shall we retake over the Tri-State Area now?
Doofenshmirtz-2: Actually, I-I-I don't really wanna be an evil dictator anymore. I've got everything I need right here. (He gives Choo-Choo to Charlene-2.) My Choo-Choo, my family, this lovely penthouse, my freedom and... (Cut to outside as Choo-Choo is thrown out the window.) Choo-Choo!!! Backstory reforming... Evil returning... I, uh... I'm back, baby!!!
Candace-2: Jail is a mental game. They're going to try to break us, you'll see. Seconds become hours, hours become years, until the mere thought of freedom flutters out of our consciousness like a dying butterfly. (The cell door opens.)
Phineas-2: You're right, that did seem like forever.
(Cut to outside the penthouse where the mechanical ant is butting his head against the side of the building.)

Dr. Baljeet: (offscreen) That is not how to make it climb, Buford.

Buford-2: Oh, you wanna climb the building!
Doofenshmirtz-2: Wow, y-you know, Charlene, you're really on top of things here. Tomorrow, I'm taking you shopping for a new evil pantsuit.
Isabella-2: So much for our ride home.
(Doof-2 runs behind a chair.)
Charlene-2: Seriously, how did he ever run this place without me?
Charlene-2: End of the line, kid! What a shame! I'll make ya an offer. I could get rid of you right now or you could join me. You could be the leader of my cyborg army.
Candace-2: (smiling) Actually, it looks like your cyborg army may have changed their minds.
Candace-2: It's all over, Charlene. (The reformed animal agents surround her.) Now surrender.

Charlene-2: Ha! (presses a remote causing another capsule to come out of the floor) A Doofenshmirtz never surrenders! We fight until the last man!
Doofenshmirtz-2: Hey, wait a minute! I'm the last man! D-Don't I get a say in this?

Charlene-2: Oh, come on, honey. It'll be fun.
Vanessa-2: Listen, Mom, Dad, come here. You guys, I'm only gonna say this once. (breathes) RUN!!!
Vanessa-2: Mom, Dad, this is Tony Marzulo.

Tony: Hey, Mr. and Mrs. D.
Doofenshmirtz-2: Hey, didn't I banish you?

Charlene-2: Yeah, honey, you did, but nobody saw it.
Jeremy-2: Hey!
Candace-2: Hey, yourself.

Doof 101

Becky: Hey, Vanessa! How was your summer?

Vanessa: Oh, the basic. Pretty cool when I was at my mom's and okay when I was at my dad's. Did you know in July, he actually removed all the blue from all the paintings at the museum? All the blue!
Lacie: Omigosh, I totally saw that! Picasso's whole Blue Period is just beige now.

Vanessa: Yep. That was my dad.
Johnny: Just take the dissection tray and use its wax foundation to cradle my broken heart, Vanessa!
Principal Lang: Just so you know, Heinz, I've got my eye on you. I miss nothing. (trips into the janitor's closet)
Johnny: So you're Vanessa's dad? I'm Johnny.

Doofenshmirtz: Didn't she dump you?
Vanessa: We were hardly going out!
Johnny: (whining) Yes, we were!

Doofenshmirtz: Ah, girls don't like guys who are whiny. You're whiny. I get it. I get it.
Mrs. Pierpoint: Principal Lang, are you brooding again?

Principal Lang: Why does everyone always think I'm brooding? It's my brow, isn't it?

Mrs. Pierpoint: Well...
Mrs. Pierpoint: Well, maybe it's time to give up your grudge.
Principal Lang: Give up a grudge? Never! What do you think this brow is for?
Floyd: Sorry, sir. Ran into a spider web. Lost my wings.

Napoleon: They're behind you, Floyd.
(Floyd looks behind him.)
Floyd: I found 'em, sir.
Napoleon: So as I was saying—
Floyd: They were behind me.

Napoleon: Yes, we've established that.
Wendell: Sir, let me throw it! I'm the muscle!

Napoleon: You're the muscle?
Wendell: Yes! You're the brains, I'm the muscle, and Floyd is...
Napoleon: Floyd is the ballast?
Wendell: Yes! Floyd is the ballast!

Floyd: Ooh, that sounds important.
Napoleon: Hmm. Well, we have a limited air supply. Floyd, stop breathing.

Perry's theme music: Doo bee doo bee doo bah
Doo bee doo bee doo bah

Scary teenage monster.
Male Student 2: Is that a real platypus?
Doofenshmirtz: No! It's a.... it's a man. It's a deformed, tiny...turquoise man.
Doofenshmirtz: Okay, and the rest of you, Muscles, Ropey Face, Slap-Happy, Buzzy-Pants, stay here and help me with the antidote.

Ropey-Face: Wait, why am I Ropey-Face?

Doofenshmirtz: Take my advice: Own it.
Napoleon: Expedition journal, entry three. We have bivouacked on a landing halfway up the cliffs.

Wendell: I don't remember bivouacking.

Floyd: I went before we left.
Napoleon: What I'm worried about is, what are we going to tell the giants about ourselves?

Wendell: Floyd throws up on his food.
Floyd: It's true. I do.
Napoleon: Let's not lead with that.

Floyd: I can also smell through my hair.
Floyd: I think I just bivouacked again.
Doofenshmirtz: Careful. Careful. Everything depends on getting the mixture precise. (Becky drops the liquid into the beaker. Doof stirs it with a straw and drinks it.) Mmm. Excellent. Now that's how you make a Shirley Temple. Hey, Muscles, how's the antidote coming?
Johnny: Sanctuary!
Vanessa: Oh, you're such a drama queen. See, this... This is why we broke up!
Doofenshmirtz: Alright, now, how're we gonna... Nobody has a crossbow, do they?
Becky: I do! (beat) What? Why, is that weird?
Phineas: Aw man! I can't wait 'til we get to high school! It looks like so much fun!
Johnny: Vanessa, you saved my life!

Vanessa: Oh, please don't read anything into this.
Johnny: There's still hope!!!

Vanessa: What did I just say?!
Principal Lang: What in the bell?
Napoleon: We've done it! We've reached the summit! Unfurl the banner, boys, and follow me! This is it! My entire existence has been leading to this moment, so that I can say... "Weclom Ginats!" (realizes what the banner says) Wait, what? "Weclom Ginats?!"

Wendell: What does that mean?
Napoleon: Exactly my point. What does our "Welcome Giants" banner actually say?
Wendell: Oh, yeah, sorry, we spelled it phonetically.
Napoleon: "NO YOU DIDN'T!!!!" Phonetically, it spells, "Weclom Ginats!" Come on, guys! This is our only chance to make a good first imp—

(Doof's Evil Science book squishes the bugs.)
Vanessa: (walking up to her father) Dad? (sighs) So, you're my teacher now.

Doofenshmirtz: I'm your teacher now.
Vanessa: But, we're not gonna do...all of..."this"...every day, right?

Doofenshmirtz: I'll try. But you know, (to the tune of the Theme song) there's 261 days 'til next summer vacation , and, you know, a lot can happen. Just saying.
Napoleon: Ugh. I do believe I've fractured my exoskeleton.
Wendell: And I bivouacked!

Act Your Age

Phineas: Yeah, things seemed a lot easier when we were young and waiting for our voices to drop.
Baljeet: [deep voice] Hey, guys. (coughs, normal voice) Oh! Something was caught in my throat.
Baljeet: I was just giving Buford some pointers on collegiate life. Since I've already graduated and have been accepted as a professor, I could pull some strings and get him into my school. Just think, Buford. You could be my student! I could be the boss of you!

Buford: Don't get too excited. I'm goin' to film school. I'm concentratin' on tragedies. The story of a struggling orphan's transcendental search for meaning in a post-apocalyptic society.
Baljeet: It sounds pretentious.

Buford: Thank you.
Candace: And that concludes my dissertation on modern investigative techniques for establishing proof of guilt with or without physical evidence.

(The judges all give her a standing ovation.)
Male judge: Spectacular! I've never had a student convince me of something so baseless before!

Female judge: Now I feel like busting someone.
Buford: Hey, the epic struggle of a triangle-headed boy: to choose between two schools.

Baljeet: Pretentious alert.

Buford: And again, thank you.
Irving: (on the phone) Sir, it's the old Evil Scientist Alert System! It's showing inator activity on a Doctor Dooferdsmits.

(Split screen to reveal Carl, now much older and wearing a uniform and mustache much like Major Monogram did.)
Commander Carl: Doofenshmirtz?! Great googly moogly! I though he'd given up his evil ways when we placed him as a high school science teacher. Well, it's too bad Monogram isn't around to see this.
Irving: Well, sir, he's gone to a better place.

Commander Carl: Yeah. (beat) Oh, what the heck? I'm gonna call him!
Buford: (looking in the fridge) Why do parents buy such weird food? Everything's lite, low, non, free, or diet.
Baljeet: When she looked at you, her pupils actually formed little hearts. Like, I do not know how that is physically possible. She changed her eyeballs!
Phineas: Well, why didn't you guys ever tell me?

Baljeet: We are guys. We do not talk about feelings.
Buford: [shrugs]
Baljeet: Did you see the new car Irving got?

Buford: Could we eat yet? I'm starvin'.
Doofenshmirtz: I wanna do something fun and exciting and...also incredibly stupid.
Holly: Ginger, are you texting Baljeet again?

Ginger: Yeah, we're at odds deciding what movie to see later. He wants to go to the one about that planet and I want to see the one with that guy.
Adyson: Well, don't fight about it. Manipulate the situation!
Holly: Manip-the-wha?
Adyson: (sighs) Okay, ladies, listen up. Pretend you don't care about your movie, but then hint that it's playing at the theatre next to the froyo place he likes. The seed is planted, and he'll think it's his idea to go there.
Isabella: Hi, guys! Food's up! Aw, just think, this may be the last time I'm stuffing your faces before I'm off to school.(the phone rings) I got it, Mom! (to the girls) Anyway, enjoy! Gotta treat my Fireside Girl alums right. (she leaves)
Ginger: Hey hey! Baljeet says okay to my movie!

Adyson: Mm-hmm. Works every time.
Isabella: Do we have chopped liver? What do you think this place is? Chopped li— Oh, that doesn't really work.
Buford: Ginger texting you again?

Baljeet: Yes. The girls want to get Phineas and Isabella together.
Buford: Wasn't that our idea?

Baljeet: Yes, but now I've got to write her back in a passive way that makes her think it's really her idea. She is trying to manipulate the situation. (takes another bite of his sandwich) It is how we love.
Doofenshmirtz: Hey, this is one of those fancy sailing yachts! We could sail around the world in this thing! We could, we could visit exotic ports, fight pirates! We'd like a couple of seafaring Huck Finns and the ocean would be our home! Or maybe we could wrestle some alligators! No, wait, even better, sports car!
Nana Shapiro: Phineas, look at me. If you have anything you need to say to her, you'd better go over to the restaurant and say it. Her summer's almost over.

Phineas: I—You're right. Thanks! (he runs off)
Nana Shapiro: The restaurant is that way!

Phineas: Thanks again!
Gretchen: When they first walk in, we'll play the songs I put on this playlist. They're all about love, and it will trigger them to start thinking about love. Then we have these streamers and balloons in both of their favorite colors, which will stimulate the romantic centers of their brains making them think about love.

Katie: What if it doesn't?

Buford: Well, then, we have this sign. (His sign says, "Think about love.")
Doofenshmirtz: Sure you don't have anything else that's more ridiculous or irresponsible?
Salesman: Nope. This is as dumb as they come.
Doofenshmirtz: So, what else ya got?

Salesman: We've got another one just like it, but in yellow.

Doofenshmirtz: (gasps) Ya hear that?! It'll be like driving a really fast Ducky Momo!
Buford: Oh, yeah, it's the perfect romantic setting out there. It will be like love kicked them both in the face.

Baljeet: Buford, the table looks great, but there is one thing that will make it perfect.
Buford: No! No way! I'm not putting that stupid cupid outfit on again.
Baljeet: But it worked so well for me and Mishti!
Ginger: (Jealously) Oh, Mishti, Mishti, Mishti.

Adyson: Let it go, Ging.
Ms. Garcia-Shapiro: Phineas, honey, how are you?

Phineas: Hi Ms. Garcia-Shapiro. Uh, is Isabella here?
Ms. Garcia-Shapiro: Oh no, sweetie, she's gone.
Phineas: Gone like driving... car... school... gone?
Ms. Garcia-Shapiro: Yes, you just missed her. It's too bad you didn't get to see her off. You know, since you were kids she's had a huge crush on you.

Phineas: (sigh) I wish I had known.
Adyson: Alright, let's get 'em over here now. (takes out her cell phone) Oh, wait, I don't have any charge.

Gretchen: Oh, this is her old number.
Ginger: Wait, where's my phone?
(The garbage disposal from earlier suddenly goes through the gate and takes all the romantic dinner stuff with it.)
Baljeet: My phone's out in the car.
Buford: I just got the 21G and the software won't be ready for two months.
Baljeet: (looks behind him) Um, guys?
(All the girls look at the empty backyard.)

Katie: Wow! Now it's exactly like it was when we were kids!
Doofenshmirtz: (to the jump instructor) Hi there. Y-Y'know, one of the best things about being a successful scientist is that I get to meet lots of attractive women, such as yourself.

Jump Instructor: You want to know the best part about being a jump instructor?
Doofenshmirtz: What?

(The jump instructor pushes him off the plane)
Lawrence: Linda! I don't know what's come over me, but I'm starting to get the most wild and uninhibited ideas! You know how every day for the last 20 years I've relaxed with a nice cup of Earl Grey? Well, not today, Linda! Today, I'm putting out all the stops! Darjeeling!
Linda: You...are a madman.
Phineas: You know, Baljeet said something funny. He said you had a crush on me back in grade school.

Isabella: Oh. Yeah. I had a big crush on you.
Phineas: Wow...I had no idea.
Isabella: Really? I thought I was being so obvious.
Phineas: Absolutely clueless. Sorry.
Isabella: I sort of gave up when we got to high school.

Phineas: Yeah...I think that's when I started to have a thing for you.
Jeff "Swampy" Marsh: (sobbing) I can't believe it! It seems like only yesterday we were drawing our first doodles of these kids on the place mats of that...

Dan Povenmire: (consoling Swampy) Yeah, I, I know, it's a... It's a sweet episode.
Jeff "Swampy" Marsh: Now they're, they're growing up... and going to college...
Dan Povenmire: But it's... It is really... It's just a cartoon.
Jeff "Swampy" Marsh: Why??!!?
Dan Povenmire: Um... Y'know, I gotta thing. I'm gonna... (He gets up out his chair and leaves Swampy alone.)

Jeff "Swampy" Marsh: They're growing up!
Dan Povenmire: (to Jeff "Swampy" Marsh) Oh, get a grip, Swampy.

Last Day of Summer

Main article: Last Day of Summer/Memorable Quotes

O.W.C.A. Files

Main article: O.W.C.A. Files/Memorable Quotes


See also