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My Sweet Ride/Transcript

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(The words "My Sweet Ride" appear in a sleek font in the sky; the camera pans down to the Flynn-Fletcher house)

My sweet ride!

Forget all your worries
Forget all your cares

(My sweet ride!)

The sun's in my --

(Music abruptly stops as Candace slams the door open, she and Jeremy enter)
Candace: (singsong) Hey, Mom!
Jeremy: Hey, Mrs. Flynn.
Candace: Mom, why can't I get a car?
(Song: My Cruisin' Sweet Ride (instrumental))
Linda: (skates by) Candace, you only have your learner's permit.
Candace: Yeah, but eventually, I'm gonna have my license. I think we should be ready.
Linda: (skates by) Riiiight. In the meantime, have a cookie!
Candace: That's hardly the same thing. Why are you dressed like that?
Linda: Don't you remember? The Doo Wop Hop is tonight. All the neighborhood moms have volunteered to be carhops.
Jeremy: Wow, Mrs. Flynn, I really like the wig helmet. (eats a cookie)
Linda: Why, thank you, Jeremy. Safety first, you know. (leaves)
Jeremy: (to Candace) I don't know about you, but I'm gonna have another cookie. (eats another cookie)

Phineas: (off-screen) Aloha, cats!
(Widen to reveal Phineas and Ferb dressed up)
Jeremy: Oh, hey, guys. How are you doin'?
Phineas: Mellow like a cello and solid to boot, daddy-o. We're going to the Doo Wop Hop tonight, so we're dressed like they did in the fifties. You know, when everyone dressed like a sitcom from the seventies? Right, Ferb?
(Ferb snaps his fingers in a pattern)
Lawrence: (enters from garage) Boys, have you seen my welder?
Phineas: Ferb and I were using it to put the finishing touches on his shades. Right, Ferb?
(Ferb points)
Lawrence: Oh, yes, those are very hip.
Phineas: What have you been working on all night out there, Dad?
Lawrence: It's a surprise for Candace uh -- oops! Uh...
Candace: Wait, this conversation suddenly interests me. What are you making me?
Linda: Oh, Lawrence, sounds like you'd better tell her!
Lawrence: Well, I wanted it to be a surprise, but I bought you a car!
Jeremy: No way.
Candace: Really?! A car?!!
Lawrence: (leads them into the garage) Oh, yes. It's the same car I had when I was a lad. I figured it would be ready when you were old enough.
Candace: Uh, what do you mean, "ready"?
(Lawrence unveils the "car", it is unfinished)
Lawrence: Well, uh, it's not fully restored, yet.
Candace: Ya think?
Jeremy: Hey, Mr. Fletcher, is that a Nedlington Nymph?
Lawrence: Why yes, yes it is! Jeremy, you have your license, don't you? You can take Candace for a ride in it when it's finished.
Jeremy: Awesome.
Phineas: Ferb and I think it's cool, too. Ferb, tell them what you told me.
(Ferb motions in a pattern)
Phineas: Right?
Candace: I'm living in Crazy Town, and Phineas and Ferb are town council.
Phineas: Heeeeeyy. Where's Perry?

(Scene shifts to Perry's lair and Perry looks at the monitor)
Major Monogram: What's shakin', bacon? (camera reveals Major Monogram dressed up '50s-style) Like the threads? Carl and I are going to cruise over to the Doo Wop Hop tonight. We're going incognito. Maybe do a little reconnaissance while I take in the car show.
Carl: And he really just wants to spy on Monty to find out what of kind girl he's dating.
Major Monogram: Wrong! Wrong, Carl! We happen to know that Doofenshmirtz has entered a car in the competition. He must be up to something. And if I should happen to see whom my son is dating, well, where's the harm in that? Hmm? Meanwhile, we need you to find out what the heck Doof is building, validate its evilness, and destroy it. (Agent P salutes) Good luck, Agent P, and see ya later, crocodile!
Doo bee doo bee doo bah dooo...

(Scene shifts to D. E. I.)
Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!

(Scene shifts to inside Doofenshmirtz's lab. He is clearly working on building something. He laughs evilly.)
Doofenshmirtz: Ah, sometimes evil just cracks me up! (He hears Vanessa humming) Say where's that humming coming from?
(Cut to reveal Vanessa scatting in front of a makeup mirror also dressed in '50s clothing and putting on lipstick)
Vanessa: Do-wah, do-wop, de-do-de-do-do
Doofenshmirtz: Vanessa, is that you? Are you okay?
Vanessa: What do you mean, Dad?
(The song from the start of the episode plays instrumentally)
Doofenshmirtz: Something's not right. The corners of your mouth are pointing up. (feeling her forehead) Maybe you're running a fever.
Vanessa: Relax, will you? I'm just looking forward to the '50s Doo Wop Hop tonight.
Doofenshmirtz: So who are you going with?
Vanessa: Oh, you know, just a friend.
(Music abruptly stops; a screen lowers down with the sign "INTRUDER ALERT" on it. The screen flashes Perry's image on it.)
Vanessa: Speaking of friends, I think you have a little visitor.
Doofenshmirtz: Aw, he can wait. So what friend? Is it that girl with the dark hair who has all those dachshunds?
Vanessa: (approaching the door) No. It's a...different...
Doofenshmirtz: No wait! No no no! Don't open the door! You'll let in Perry the Platypus!
Vanessa: You know he'll just blow the door down if you don't open it. (opens door revealing Perry holding a bazooka) Come in, Perry. Toodles! (she leaves)
Doofenshmirtz: I'm worried about her, Perry the Platypus. Hey! You were going to to blow down my door! (Perry sets the bazooka down, but accidentally fires it leaving a big hole in a Warholian picture of Doofenshmirtz.) Oh, great! See, this is why I can't have anything nice! Anyway, c'mon, let me show you what I've been workin' on. Y'see, it all started when I was just a small boy back in Gimmelshtump.

Doofenshmirtz: (voiceover) Friday was always Cruise Night and everybody would come out and see the hipsters in their cool cars made from cannibalized parts left over from Drusselstein's many foreign occupations. But for me...
Young Doofenshmirtz: Oooooh!
Doofenshmirtz: (voiceover) ...the coolest car of all was the Boomshlaka 320-I, run by my Uncle Simpkin!
Young Doofenshmirtz: Yeah! You go! You show them how you're more masculine than everyone else!
Doofenshmirtz: (voiceover, talking over his younger self) To me, it was the coolest car ever!
Young Doofenshmirtz: Booyah!
Uncle Simpkin: Hey! (taking off his shirt and throwing it into the crowd)
(A female fan catches it and is dogpiled on by other fans)
Female Fan: I saw it first!
Doofenshmirtz: (voiceover) Unfortunately, the car had one major design flaw: The back part was a surplus dynamite plunger and the gas tank sat directly under the driver's seat.
(A car behind the Boomshlaka bumps into it causing it to explode into pieces sending Uncle Simpkin into orbit.)
Doofenshmirtz: (voiceover) And I never saw him again.
(End flashback)

Doofenshmirtz: But I have been able to restore his car. (Cut to a dust cover being lifted revealing the car) The 1957 Drusselstein Boomshlaka 320-I! Mmmwah! Ain't she a honey? I'm sure to win first prize with this. And here's the good part! (He pushes a button on a remote, causing jumper cables to come out of the grill trapping Perry. Doofenshmirtz laughs) Trapper cables! I needed to restrain you for this next part because it does get a little bit evil. Just to ensure there's no real competition, I built a little gadget called the Rustinator. At the push of a button, it will reduce every other car into red dust! Or rust. Wait, red dust, rust. I wonder if that's where that word came from. (exits) I'm gonna go look up its entomology. (returns) Yeah, I looked it up. It turns out "entomology" is the study of insects. Go figure. Anyway, uh, in you go! (The cables put Perry inside the vehicle.) I'll just get in the normal way. (Cut to the driver's seat) How's it goin' down there? Cozy in your steel cables? Careful with the Rustinator, Norm! (Cut to reveal Norm buckled up holding the Rustinator) Wouldn't want it to go off inadvertently.
Norm: No problemo!
(The car starts. Cut to a shot of the garage opening. Pan right to a door next to it. The Boomshlaka 320-I bursts from out of that door instead. Doofenshmirtz can be heard laughing.)

(Scene shifts to the Flynn-Fletcher garage. Phineas and Ferb are looking at a model of the Nedlington Nymph. Lawrence is under the car. We hear snoring.)
Phineas: Boy, Ferb, Dad was right. That muffler sure is making some weird noises.
(Song: Watchin' and Waitin' (instrumental))
(Phineas and Ferb look under the car. We see Lawrence is actually sleeping on the job with the manual on his face and still holding a couple of wrenches in both hands.)
Phineas: Uh, we'd best leave him be. Ferb, show me the model you've been workin' on. Were you able to add any extras?
(Ferb pushes a button to reveal rocket launchers on the model. It flies out of the garage and explodes. The explosion shakes Lawrence causing him to roll away on his wheeled platform, still sleeping.)
Phineas: Wow, Candace is gonna love that...I mean except for the explosion part. We should probably fix that.

(Scene shifts to the front of the house. A car pulls up with Vivian, Mrs. Johnson and Mrs. Tjinder. Candace is waiting outside dressed in her '50s outfit.)
Vivian: ¡Hola, Candace! Ooh, don't you look lovely!
Candace: Thank you, Mrs. Garcia-Shapiro!
Mrs. Johnson: Jeremy'll be along in a minute, honey!
Vivian: Is your mother ready?
Candace: She'll be right out.
(Song: History of Rock (instrumental))
(Linda comes out skating her way down)
Linda: All set! See ya there, Candace! Okay, ladies, here I come! (She skates away) There I go! Ha ha! Sorry! Can't stop. FOLLOW MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE....
Mrs. Johnson: Step on it, Vivian, she's getting away!
(They drive off)
Jeremy: Hey, Candace.
(Cut to reveal Jeremy in his '50s outfit riding his bicycle.)
Candace: Jeremy?
Jeremy: My car broke down.
Candace: Well, I guess we're riding our bikes to the car show. (They walk to the garage) We can wow them with our irony.
(She presses the garage door opener. The door opens revealing the fully restored Nedlington Nymph. Phineas stands on the car playing a fanfare on a bugle.)
Candace: (angrily) You guys are so... (excitedly) AWESOME!! Wow! I never thought it would turn out so beautiful! Right?
Jeremy: How's the engine sound?
Phineas: (tossing Jeremy the keys) You tell me! Dad did say you could drive it when it was finished.
Candace: Hey, where is Dad anyway?
Ferb: Hmm. Well, last we saw him, he was working on the muffler.

(Cut to the road to reveal Lawrence rolling away. The Boomshlaka 320-I, with Doofenshmirtz sticking out of the roof, nearly misses him)
Doofenshmirtz: Outta the way, luge boy!

(Cut back to outside the garage)
Phineas: He may be on his way to the hop.
Jeremy: Okay, well, maybe we should get goin'. Hop in, everyone! We're goin' cruisin'!

(Song: My Cruisin' Sweet Ride)

Ferb: You're gonna love
Phineas: You're gonna love just what this car can do
Ferb: We tricked it out
Phineas: We worked really hard just to trick it out for you
A simple push of a button changes the pattern and the hue
On your sweet ride
Candace: My sweet ride

Ooh, look! The visor's a vanity!
Jeremy: And the glove box has real hands!
Vivian, Mrs. Tjinder, Mrs. Johnson: Shoo-bop, shoo-bop
Phineas: It steers itself, there's a trophy shelf
And it opens up your cans
And if you need a rocket engine, you'll be the envy of the whole gang
Vivian, Mrs. Tjinder, Mrs. Johnson: Shoo-bop, shoo-bop
Doofenshmirtz: My car has a turret that goes...
Ferb: Boom ba-ba-boom ba-bang-a-bang-bang
Ba-ba-boom ba-ba-boom ba-bang-a-bang-bang
Linda: Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Ferb: We're gonna cruise
Vivian: Cruising with our friends
Mrs. Tjinder, Mrs. Johnson: (Ooh, oo-ooh)
Linda: Follow me, we're almost there!
Ferb: Deploy the chutes!
Phineas: Let's deploy the chutes, Ferb!
There's romance in the air!
Jeremy: There's nothing I'd rather do
Than take a moonlight drive with you
In your sweet ride
Candace: My sweet ride!
All: Yeah!

(Scene shifts to the Doo Wop Hop. The Boomshlaka 320-I rolls in.)
Doofenshmirtz: Ha! This is gonna be a piece of cake! (The tank rolls onto the stage.) I rule! (Confetti comes out. Everyone laughs.) I don't get it, what's the joke? Why is everyone laughing?
(Cut to Monogram and Carl. Monogram is looking through binoculars.)
Major Monogram: I can't find Monty. Get up on my shoulders, Carl! See if you can see 'em!
Carl: You're not gonna drop me again, are you?
Major Monogram: Just do it, Carl! And watch the hair. Take these. (Carl gets on Monogram's shoulders and takes the binoculars.) Now what do ya see?
Carl: There he is! (POV shot from the binoculars to show Monty next to Vanessa) And he's with—Oh no! (Monty looks in terror and shushes Carl)
Major Monogram: What-wh-Carl! What do you see?
Carl: Someone who owes me big time!
(Cut back to Doofenshmirtz)
Doofenshmirtz: They dare to laugh at the Drusselstein Boomshlaka 320-I? Well, we'll just see who has the last laugh! Norm, fire up the Rustinator!
Norm: (saluting) Firing away, sir! Now, how do I set the coordinates? Hmmmm... (Perry pushes a button with the Boomshlaka 320-I on it) Thank you, Perry the Platypus! Very sporting of you! (The Rustinator activates rusting up the vehicle)
Doofenshmirtz: Uh-oh! Well, thank goodness for the plastic gas tank. (to Vanessa) Hey, Vanessa?! Is that you?!
(Cut to Vanessa with Monty, who is trying to hide his face)
Vanessa: Hi, Dad!
Doofenshmirtz: Wait a minute! Who's that boy you're with? He looks strikingly familiar. (Perry pushes a button on the gas tank) Say, isn't that— (The tank explodes sending Doofenshmirtz into orbit) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! (a man passes by him) Uncle Simpkin? He's looking well.

(Cut to a hillside, which Lawrence rolls up and then rolls down.)

(Cut back to the Doo Wop Hop. The Nedlington Nymph rolls on stage.)
Stanky Dog: Up next is a late entry. Wow! I don't believe it! Look at this, folks! (a mechanical hand emerges from the car. Candace takes it and walks out) Is that a Nedlington Nymph?
Candace: Yes. Yes, it is.

(Cut back to Lawrence still rolling downhill. He passes by a farm and finally arrives at the Doo Wop Hop.)
Stanky Dog: And who did this amazing restoration?
Candace: Well, my dad's been working on it for a while and...oh, here he is!
(Lawrence emerges from under the car and finally wakes up. He looks around him and gives an embarrassed yell.)
Stanky Dog: Looka that, folks! Workin' on it up to the last second!
Lawrence: I was?
(A model gives Stanky Dog a big trophy)
Stanky Dog: Well, I think I speak for all the judges when I say the Nedlington Nymph wins Best in Show!
Lawrence: What an honor! Here, Candace! It is your car after all!
Linda: (skating up to her husband) A one of a kind car for a one of a kind girl!
Candace: Aw, you guys!
(Linda skates away backwards)
Lawrence: Oh, dear, you're rolling away!
Candace: (giving the trophy to her brothers) This really goes to you, you know.
Phineas: Cool! You were right, Ferb, it really did need a trophy shelf! (Perry emerges from inside the cup chattering) Oh, there you are, Perry!
(Ferb snaps and points)

End Credits

(Song: My Cruisin' Sweet Ride)
Doofenshmirtz: My car has a turret that goes...
Ferb: Boom ba-ba-boom ba-bang-a-bang-bang
Ba-ba-boom ba-ba-boom ba-bang-a-bang-bang
Linda: Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Ferb: We're gonna cruise
Vivian: Cruising with our friends
Mrs. Tjinder, Mrs. Johnson: (Ooh, oo-ooh)
Linda: Follow me, we're almost there!
Ferb: Deploy the chutes!
Phineas: Let's deploy the chutes, Ferb!
There's romance in the air!
Jeremy: There's nothing I'd rather do
Than take a moonlight drive with you
In your sweet ride
Candace: My sweet ride!

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