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No More Bunny Business/Transcript

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(Scene opens with sky view of the Flynn-Fletcher house. As the letter carrier walks up, Phineas pokes his head out of the mailbox.)
Phineas: Is it here yet?
Mail Lady: Sorry, boys. Not today.
Phineas: Aw, rats.
Mail Lady: Oh, wait, boys. I almost forgot, your mom's Penny Shopper.
Candace: Hey! When you two gonna move that stupid box out of the doorway?
Phineas: Box? When did that come?
Candace: The delivery guy brought it while you two were camping out in the mailbox.
Phineas: Oh, man. I can't believe it's here! Finally, the world-famous x-ray vision glasses. This is gonna be great! Whoa! We got totally ripped-off! Ferb, let me see that comic again. Oh, for crying out loud! "Amazing illusion"? "Fool your friends"? "Does not actually provide x-ray vision". Oh, man, this is a rip-off! It's just like the body building course we got last summer.
(Ferb does a pose behind Phineas's back, exposing muscles he had earned from the body building course)
Phineas: And I was so looking forward to looking through things.
(Phineas looks at Ferb, who's now wearing the x-ray glasses)
Phineas: Ferb, that's it! I know what we're gonna today!

(Candace walks towards the house, then stops when she notices a rabbit sitting on the lawn)
Candace: Oh, my gosh! Are you the cutest thing ever? Aw, you're so adorable! I just could eat you up. Not literally, but you know what I mean.
Phineas: Hey, where's Perry?


(Scene switches to Agent P's lair, where Agent P has just sat down to receive his mission briefing)
Major Monogram: Agent P, Doofenshmirtz is up to his usual shenanigans, but we have a more serious problem. There's a rouge agent on the loose, and he's in your area. Carl's working with our field agents...to create a composite sketch.
Carl: Finished, sir!
Major Monogram: Carl? You said you could draw! (to Perry) I'm sorry, Agent P. In the meanwhile, he may try to find one of your secret passages and infiltrate your lair where he could hack into our mainframe. So, be on the lookout for any suspicious characters.
Perry!

(Perry takes a lift to the top of the chimney and uses a pair of binoculars to search for the rabbit. He is soon spotted by Phineas and Ferb)
Phineas: Look, Ferb, there's Perry.
(Camera switches to Perry, now in pet mode, with the binoculars lying next to him)
Phineas: Maybe that's where he disappears to all the time. Well, if he got himself up there, he can get himself down. Anyway, we've got the frames and the polycarbonate lens solution. Now what we need is something that really improves eyesight. (Snaps his fingers) Hey, I know!
(Ferb pulls out a blackboard with a drawing of a carrot on it)
Phineas: Oh, Ferb, you're way ahead of me.

(Perry's wrist communicator beeps and Monogram appears on its screen)
Major Monogram: Agent P, we've hired a professional artist and got much better results. We've identified the rogue agent as Dennis. He's a mercenary for hire and master of disguise. You need to stop him at all costs.
(Perry goes down the chimney then sneaks over to Candace's room)

Candace: First, I'm going to name you Mr. Cutie-Patootie. Then we'll give you a complete makeover, and teach you some cool tricks. You stay put while I find you a new stylish outfit. Let's see what we got here. (While Dennis, now standing upright, searches for an entrance to Perry's lair) What am I doing with a scepter? Huh. Next! Leopard headbands are so last year. Ooh, here's some of my doll clothes! Eh, let's skip the tiara. What is this? Leg warmers? Who wears leg warmers? I definitely don't.
(Perry runs into Candace's room then chatters. Dennis stops, turns around, and growls in response)
Candace: Mr. Cutie-Patootie?
(Perry and Dennis both revert to pet mode)
Candace: I finally found— (Notices Perry, then nudges him out from her room with a foot) Get away from him! I don't want your blandness to rub off. (Picks up Dennis, then slams the door) Aw, poor Mr. Cutie-Patootie. Don't mind him. Once I'm done making you over, you're going to be new alpha pet.
(Candace puts on a purple dress on Dennis, then some powder)
Dennis: (Coughs)
Candace: (Gasps) I know! Matching shoes!
(Dennis notices Perry outside the window, who's signaling to him that he'd be watching his every move. The rogue agent hastily pulls the curtains closed)
Candace: I found it! These shoes should complete the outfit.

Heinz&#039;s script

(Scene switches to Doofenshmirtz Evil, Incorporated)
Doofenshmirtz: "Ah, Perry the Platypus! How unexpected for you to burst in my nefarious..." (Looks at a script) Nefarious? No, it's not. It's too much, even for me.
(Close-up of the script)
Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus is due any second. (checking the time on his watch) Hey, it's getting a little late. Where is he?
(Walks to the balcony through a roll-up door)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, who needs him? He never does anything until after I tell him my plans. He just stands there like a potted plant. (pauses, then notices a potted plant) In fact... (places a folded newspaper hat on the plant) Ah, Planty the Potted Plant. How unexpected! (pushes a button) I'd invite you to foil my latest scheme, (A rope comes down from a vent) but I can see you're all tied up. (Planty gets captured) You see, I don't even need Perry the Platypus.


(Scene switches to the kitchen at the Flynn-Fletcher house)
Phineas: Mom's just got back from the grocery store, so we ought to have plenty of carrots for our x-ray glasses.
(Candace, holding Dennis, comes into the kitchen then snatches the bunch of carrots)
Candace: Thank you very much!
Phineas: Oh, actually, Candace, we need those.
Candace: Oh, really? For your stupid x-ray glasses?
Phineas: (angry, shows hand) Hey! They're not stu --
(Candace holds Mr. Cutie Patootie in front of Phineas)
Candace: Do you know what this is?
Phineas: Uh, is it not a rabbit?
Candace: This is an actual living creature that uses carrots for food instead of science experiments.
Ferb: So, why is he wearing a tutu?
Candace: He likes it! Don't worry, Mr. Cutie-Patootie. They're just jealous.
Phineas:Come on, maybe Isabella has some carrots. (Scene switches to the living room...)
Candace: Okay, let's start with some simple tricks. Sit.
(Dennis starts panting, then gnaws on a carrot)
Candace: Roll over! (Pause) Do the Worm! (Pause) Now the Robot. (Pause) Great! Wow, you must really like carrots. (Runs out of the living room)
(Dennis resumes his search for any lair entrances. He checks under a couch cushion, then a grandfather clock. When he tries to get in through it, Perry pops out and kicks him away)
(Action music)
(Perry gives Dennis the "bring it on" gesture. The rouge agent cracks his knuckles, then the two charges towards each other and starts to wrestle)
Linda: What the? (Looks over to see Perry and Dennis in pet mode) Oh, a bunny rabbit. Candace must have gotten a new pet.
(Dennis growls)
(Perry chatters)
(The two continues the fight, seemingly to be match in hand-to-hand combat. Dennis leaps up onto an end table and throws a lamp at Perry. Perry catches it and replaces it on the table as pursues Dennis into the kitchen, and out the pet door)


(Scene switches to Doofenshmirtz Evil, Incorporated)
Doofenshmirtz: Well, Planty the Potted Plant, since you're just hanging around.... (chuckles) Let me demonstrate the brilliant evil-losity of my latest inven...
(dogs barking)
Doofenshmirtz: Grr. You see? See, that's what I'm talking about. Ever since those condos next door started allowing pets, it's been driving me bonkers! All day and all night with the barking, barking, barking! (pulls the lever) Oh, that is why I created my latest masterpiece of evil... giant Dog-Biscuit-inator.
(dogs continue barking)
Doofenshmirtz: Thank you! Thank you for my point for me! (to Planty) Now, I'll cover it with an irresistible gravy coating, and then it will take off and soar through town, getting all the dogs to chase after it until they follow it right off the edge of the Tri-State area! (smiles smugly) Well, Planty the Potted Plant. Pretty clever, eh? (pauses, then pushes Planty away) Don't give me that look. Prepare to launch...
(Planty swings back, hitting Doofenshmirtz on the back of his head)
Doofenshmirtz: Hey, how did you do that? (Gets hit on back of his head again) Ow! Ow! Come out in the open where I can... Ow!
(Dogs barking)


(Scene switches to the backyard)
(Song: Quirky Worky Song)
Phineas: Stomp harder, Ferb! This carrot juice is gotta be really concentrated.
Isabella: Hey, Phineas. Whatcha doin'?
Phineas: Just waiting for the concentrated carrot extract to mix with the super heated optical polymers. Now I dip the frames to the x-ray solution. It may take a couple of hours to set properly.
Isabella: Or just five minutes in my Quick-E-Bake Oven. Fireside Girls are always prepared. (Places x-ray glasses in the Quick-E-Bake Oven)

(Five minutes later...)
(Oven timer dings)
Isabella: (Taps the x-ray glasses) Looks like they're ready. (Hands them to Phineas)
Phineas: Here goes nothing.
(Screaming)
Isabella: Hey, it sounds like it's coming from my house.

(Scene switches to across the street in Isabella's kitchen)
Isabella: Mom, what's wrong?
Vivian: I lost my wedding ring!
Isabella: Okay, Mom, when did you have been doing since you last saw it?
Vivian: Ah, si, si, si. I was fixing some lunch, then I washed the dishes.
Phineas: (Raises an eyebrow) Dishes, huh? It looks like a job for x-ray vision glasses. (Blinks, then finds Vivian's wedding ring stuck in the drainpipe) I found it!
Vivian: Ah, thank you, Phineas. Uh...where is it?
Phineas: Down in the drainpipe under the sink. (Moves left curtain) We'll have it out for you in a jiff. (to Ferb) Quick, Ferb! We need a 14-inch pipe wrench, a blowtorch, and a jar of mayonnaise.
(Ferb leaves, then comes back with the aforementioned items)
Vivian: Ooh, that's very sweet of you boys, but I think I'll call my regular plumber. He's bonded.
Phineas: (Takes off x-ray glasses) Okay, suit yourself.
Isabella: The glasses work great!
Phineas: (Puts the glasses back on) This is gonna be fun.

(Song: X-Ray Eyes)
They say that beauty's just skin deep
But I've got a brand new perspective
Your skeleton is symmetrical
And your vascular system's effective

You can't keep secrets from me
'Cause I can always see it
With my X-ray eyes!

I got a brand new way of looking at life
An altogether different visual spectrum
Sometimes photons behave like a wave
But they're particles when you reflect 'em

But that don't bother me
'Cause either way I see it
With my X-ray eyes!

With my X-ray eyes!

Oh, with my X-ray eyes!

Phineas: Looks our x-ray vision glasses have passed all the quality control tests.
Isabella: Good thing, because we're stocking up quite a pile of orders.
Phineas: Excellent. It's time to order a big truck load of carrots.
(Ferb places the x-ray glasses on the table)

Candace: Mr. Cutie-Patootie?! Where are you?! MR. CUTIE PATOOTIE!!!

(Outside in the backyard, Perry and Dennis are sword fighting with grilling equipment. Just as Perry thinks he has defeated Dennis, Dennis notices the x-ray glasses and kicks Perry away into the clothesline. He uses the glasses to find a lair opening, pulls away the grass covering it, and jumps in the tube. Perry untangles himself and follows Dennis into his lair. The rogue agent pushes a button on the console)
Female Voice: Intruder alert. Intruder alert.
(Perry gets trapped inside a cage, then Dennis snatches his fedora right off of his head, which annoys him. The rogue agent sits in Perry's chair and the computer scans the fedora, giving him access to the mainframe)
Major Monogram: Uh, hello, Agent... (Gasps) No! Not you! Agent P, you've got to stop him before he...
Female Voice: Access granted.
(Perry blinks)

(Scene switches to above ground)
Phineas: (While talking on the phone) Yes, ma'am, you heard me right. I need three metric tons of your highest grade carrots delivered A.S.A.P. (Person on the other end answers) Why yes, yes I am.
Candace: Have you seen Mr. Cutie-Patootie? I can't find him anywhere.
Phineas: Well, did you check the backyard? He might be there.
(A truck dumps the three metric tons of carrots into the back yard)
Phineas: Hmm. How about the kitchen?


(Scene switches to inside Doofenshmirtz Evil, Incorporated, where everything is in ruins)
Doofenshmirtz: (Sighs wearily) Well, Planty the Potted Plant. You have proven yourself quite the adversary. Why don't we just...call this one a draw? (Plops himself against the door) I'm kind of pooped.
(Doofenshmirtz gets flattened when a horde of dogs bursts in, following the scent of the gravy)
Doofenshmirtz: Ah! Curse you, Planty the Potted Plant!
(Dogs barking)


(A carrot falls into the hole for Perry's lair. Dennis smells it and then goes to eat it. Perry notices the carrots in the backyard on the screen, and gets an idea. He pulls a nearby lever with his tail, and all the carrots pours in. Dennis goes mad over the carrots and is distracted from Perry, who grabs a carrot and throws it at a release button. The cage rises, allowing Perry to run over and slap a pair of handcuffs onto Dennis, who's lumpy and bloated with the amount of carrots he has consumed. Perry then snatches his fedora from Dennis's head and puts it on.)
Major Monogram: Good work, Agent P. (Gives a thumbs up)


(Scene switches to above ground, in the Flynn-Fletcher house)
Candace: You don't suppose he could've run away?
Phineas: Don't worry. I'm sure he'll turn up. (Notices that all the carrots have disappeared) Hey, what happened to all the carrots? One minute there's a backyard full of carrots. I turn around for half a minute and; Poof! – now they're gone!
Candace: Welcome to my world.
Phineas: Wow, that must be really annoying.
Candace: (Notices Perry) Oh, there you are, Perry. (Perry tiredly lies on the stone walk; she then pets him) At least you're still around. Do you like wearing pink?
(Perry starts to sweat and then chatters nervously)


(Scene switches to O.W.C.A. Headquarters)
Major Monogram: On behalf of the entire Agency, I like to thank you for your valiant service in one of our darkest hours. (places a medal and a fedora on Planty) Planty the Potted Plant, welcome to the Agency.

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