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Oil on Candace/Transcript

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(Scene opens up showing the Jefferson County Museum of Contemporary Art.)
Tour Guide: Let's continue our tour! Over here, we have the work of the great environmental installation artist Beppo Brown.
Django: That's my Dad!
Tour Guide: As Django can tell you, his father Beppo is famous for his monumentalist recreations of everyday objects.
(Camera pans right)
Phineas: Wow, Django, it's so cool that your dad makes such huge things! Look at that giant toothbrush! And that giant dental floss. (Pans down) It's even been used. Whoa! And how about that giant baby?
Django: My Dad didn't make that.
(Woman walks to the giant baby and walks her away)
Linda: Django, isn't that your Dad over there?
(People chattering)
Django: Yeah! I'm gonna go say hi!
Beppo: You're taking it too literally. It's the juxtaposition of the doughnuts and the mountains that--
Django: Hey, Dad!
Beppo: Hi, Django! How are you're friends enjoying the tour?
Django: They love it! Wanna hang out with us?
Beppo: Uh, sorry, bud. But I gotta answer a few questions for these people and talk to them about my new project, but I promise I'll catch up with you just as soon as I can. Have fun!
Tour Guide: Okay, folks. (Camera zooms out) Please take some time to look at Beppo's fabulous exhibit! Oh, and don't miss his newest addition, "Doughnuts Over the Mountain", which can be seen from the viewing platform.
Phineas: Cool! Let's check it out.
Linda: I'd like to see the giant mascara brush again. What do you say, Candace?
Candace: Where's the giant exit sign? (Sighs) I'd rather be at home with Perry.
Linda: What do you suppose Perry does when we leave him at home?

(cut to Perry on the couch)
(Melodramatic music playing)
Man: I love you, my darling.
Woman: No, I love you more than you love me.
Man: I hate you. (Hugs woman)
(Perry blows nose)
(TV Static)
Major Monogram: Sorry to bother you on your day off, Agent P.
(TV Static; Perry changes the channel)
Woman: I love you!
Man: I thought you hated me!
(TV Static)
Major Monogram: Agent P, you've got to concentrate. It's Doofenshmirtz again. He's expecting a visit from his old, evil science teacher, Dr. Gevaarlijk. You must get over there pronto. Those two together are a bad combination. Don't worry about your stories, we'll tape them for you.
(Perry knocks off a bag of chips and puts on his fedora)

(cut to Phineas, Ferb, and Django)
Phineas: Wow! Your Dad's exhibit is really amazing! I can see where you get your artistic talent from, Django.
Django: Oh, I don't know, Phineas. I made this for my Dad, but it hardly compares to his stuff.
Phineas: This is a great painting! Your Dad would love this.
Django: But it's so small, and everything my Dad makes is so big.
Phineas: Why don't you just paint something bigger? Look out there, Django. Your father's display just happens to be right next to the Unpainted Desert. And that gives me an idea. (to Ferb) Ferb, we're gonna need some really big art supplies.
Django: Hey, we can use my Dad's old exhibit! He called it (Flips a light switch) "Really Big Art Supplies".

(cut to:)
Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!
(Doorbell rings)
Doofenshmirtz: Dr. Gevaarlijk already? (Opens door) Oh, oh, it's just you, Perry the Platypus. I don't have much time today. You see, my old evil science professor is visiting, and we've always had a rather strained relationship. (Puts down a chair) I think it's best expressed through song. (Presses a button on a remote and the chair traps Perry) Tell me what you think, but no pressure.
(Lights dim)
(Song: Impress My Professor)
Back in class, Evil 101
I always had so much fun
Though the one who advised me, openly despised me
Still, I always tried to be number one

Well, I wanted a mentor to share my world view
But I got a tormentor, I was hated, it's true
Now I have one more chance, and it could mean my advancement
So there's only one thing I must do:

I must impress my professor
Singers: He's got to be good
Doofenshmirtz: I must impress my professor
Singers: He's misunderstood
Doofenshmirtz: Ooh, ooh
Singers: (At the same time) He needs validation for his evil creation
Doofenshmirtz: Like any good evil scientist would

I... must... impress my professor to be a success
Singers: (At the same time) He... must... impress his professor to be a success
Doofenshmirtz: Or I will still be a flunky, a diploma-less monkey
Singers: (At the same time) Or he will still be a flunky, a diploma-less monkey
All: In the eyes of this person
Whose opinion may worsen
Doofenshmirtz: If my evil invention's not great

Doofenshmirtz: I must impress my professor
Singers: Impress his professor
Doofenshmirtz: I must impress my professor
Singers: Impress his professor
Doofenshmirtz: I must impress my professor
All: Before it's too late!
(Perry claps, and the lights go back up)
Doofenshmirtz: So, now you know my plan. (Footsteps approaching) C-Can you hold on a second? I've got to go settle up with the dancers. (to Dancer) Okay, so you guys are all union, right? (Signs check and rips it out of checkbook) All right, here you go. And... Hey, you know, when I'm done with this thing, maybe you and I could, uh... (Dancer walks out of room) Uh, okay, okay. I'll call you! (At Perry) I think I got a shot there.
(Camera pans to Perry, who rolls his eyes)

(cut to the Unpainted Desert)
Django: So this is the famous Unpainted Desert.
Phineas: Not for long!
(As the Phineas and Ferb Theme plays, Django, Phineas and Ferb jump on a trampoline, showing them flying in the air and landing on paint tubes that are blue, red and green. They randomly jump on the paint tubes. Next, Ferb is jumping on the trigger of a giant aerosol spray can. Phineas thumbs up and the hose sprays blue paint, spraying the Unpainted Desert. Then a helicopter with a giant paint roller goes along the blue paint showing red paint. Django, Phineas and Ferb do this, as the camera switches scene with purple paint. A crane with a paintbrush moves with green paint, and Phineas pumps a heavy water balloon and gives it to Django. He puts it on and launches the catapult, and more water balloons are shown splatting different colors. Django surfs on a giant paintbrush with blue paint, then Phineas with yellow paint, then Ferb with green paint. 3 colors splat against the camera as the theme song ends)
Django: Thanks, guys! I think I can show it to my Dad now.
Phineas: (Showing the finished painting) It's not finished until you sign it!
Django: You're right! We should all sign it.

(cut to Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated)
Doofenshmirtz: (Gasps) My professor is here! (Laughs as he walks to the door) Now, Perry the Platypus, you will tremble before the mighty, (Opens door) Dr. Gevaarlijk!
Dr. Gevaarlijk: Hello, Heinz. My, look how big you've gotten. (Walks off) Of course you still have that slouch.
Doofenshmirtz: Dr. Gevaarlijk, so good to see you.
Dr. Gevaarlijk: Oh, ja, I've come all the way from Gimmelshtump for chit-chat. So, show me what you're doing.
Doofenshmirtz: I am sure you will be most impressed with my latest evil inventions. (They walk into a room) Here, we have the Deflate-Inator.
Dr. Gevaarlijk: Hmm... Did it work?
Doofenshmirtz: Uh, well... No, not really, but I-- Here we have the Drill-Inator!
Dr. Gevaarlijk: Did anyone get hurt with that?
Doofenshmirtz: Mmm... No, just-- Just me. (Chuckles) But, uh...
Dr. Gevaarlijk: Did any of these actually work?
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, (Laughs) No, not really. But follow me. (They walk to the kitchen) I do something impressive over... There. My brand-new... Blender-Inator! (Opens the lid and puts a Granny Smith apple in the Blender-Inator) Spelling doom for even the toughest of apples! (Turns it on) Bow down to me, Granny Smith!
Dr. Gevaarlijk: Ja, I'm sure if I was a pomaceous fruit, I would be trembling. Where is your Phone-Inator? I need to call a Cab-Inator'.
Doofenshmirtz: Well, uh, it's, uh, just, uh... (Dr. Gevaarlijk walks away and he stops her) Wait, wait! Don't go. Let me show you this; my very own nemesis.
Dr. Gevaarlijk: Oh Heinz. How can he be your nemesis? (Camera zooms out showing Perry is his normal pet mode) He's doesn't even have a hat.
Doofenshmirtz: No no, I made that mistake a couple times, too, but that's him, I swear!
Dr. Gevaarlijk: In your letters, you said your nemesis was a (Takes out a letter) suave, semi-aquatic personification of unstoppable dynamic fury.
Doofenshmirtz: He is! No, you've just got to see him in action. Here. I'll let him go. (Presses a button on a remote and the chair trap releases) Go ahead, (Puts the remote away in his coat) Perry the Platypus. Thwart my plans. Come on. (Crosses his arms) Let me have it! (Pause) Let me have it, big guy!
Dr. Gevaarlijk: Heinz.
Doofenshmirtz: Get thwartin'!
Dr. Gevaarlijk: He's just a platypus. They don't do much, you know?
Doofenshmirtz: No, no! Wait, wait, wait, wait! He's just about to do something. Wait for it!
(Perry chatters)
Doofenshmirtz: Hmm. I guess it's just a platypus. I could have sworn that was him.
Dr. Gevaarlijk: Heinz, this is just sad.
Doofenshmirtz: Okay, one more thing. (Walks her to a different room) This is going to blow your socks off.

(cut to Candace)
Candace: I know the boys must be around here somewhere. (Notices the viewing platform) Wow, what a view! Well, may as well see what this doughnut nonsense is all about. (Walks to the telescope and looks to it) Wow, it's actually pretty cool! (Moves the telescope to the Unpainted Desert) So this over there must be the Unpainted Des-- (Camera zooms out as Candace notices the painting) Hey, that doesn't look unpainted to me! (Zooms in on the painting autographs) PHINEAS AND FERB?!! (takes the telescope away from her eye and smiles) Oooooooooh....BUSTED!!!
(Song: Busted Conga)
Busted, busted, busted!
Busted, busted, busted!
(runs off) Mom, Mom, Mom!

(cut to Django)
Django: Dad, Dad, Dad!

(cut to Doofenshmirtz)
Doofenshmirtz: Doctor, Doctor, Doctor! Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shout. To honor your visit, I will blow up the moon!
Dr. Gevaarlijk: Blow up the moon? But that would mean--
Doofenshmirtz: Yes! No more stupid songs about moons.
Dr. Gevaarlijk: (to the camera) I do despise moon-related songs. (to Doofenshmirtz) Continue.
Doofenshmirtz: It takes a lot of power, so I can only fire it once, but don't worry. (Leans on his ray) I have it planned down to the last-- (The ray is pushed downward. It fires a laser and it hits a dam. The water starts flowing from the dam) (While looking through binoculars) Oops! (Chuckles) No more songs about dams?
Dr. Gevaarlijk: Oh, but I like a good toe-tapping dam song.

(The water that leaked floods through the woods. It then reaches the Unpainted Desert and washes away the painting)

(cut to Candace)
Candace: Mom, you've gotta see this! (Runs off)
Linda: Well, at least she's excited about art.

(cut to Django)
Django: Dad, you've gotta see this! (Tries to tug him from the media group)

(cut to Candace, Lawrence, and Linda)
Candace: (With her eyes closed) Take a look at that!
Linda: Wow!
Lawrence: Donuts over the mountain.
Candace: No, no, the other thing.
Linda: Oh, I see what you mean, Candace. The natural beauty of the Unpainted Desert is like a work of art!
Candace: Mom, there is nothing natural about the-- (Turns her head and notices the painting disappeared) Huh? But...but...but...
Phineas: Hey, Mom! Hey, Dad!
Linda: There you boys are!
Django: Okay, Dad, this way! It's time for your big sur... prise? (Looks around for the painting and takes out the small picture) But, um....
Beppo: Whatcha got there, Django?
Django: Well, I made this for you, but (Beppo takes the picture) it's kinda small compared to what you do. It's not real art.
Beppo: It's beautiful, son. (Shakes his hair) You're a real artist.
Django: Really?
Beppo: With your permission, (Holds up the picture) there's a very special place I'd like to put this. Come on, bud.

(cut to a fridge)
Phineas: Wow. There's no higher place of honor than the fridge.
(Beppo puts the picture on the giant fridge)
Ferb: Especially a giant fridge.

(cut to Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated)
Doofenshmirtz: (Depressed) Oh, Dr. Gevaarlijk, today was supposed to be the day that I impressed you (Walks away) with the enormity of my evil schemes and finally earn your respect.
Dr. Gevaarlijk: Oh Heinz. Evil doesn't always have to be on a big scale. You can spread evil in the little things you do everyday.
Doofenshmirtz: (Touched) You're right.
Dr. Gevaarlijk: (Walks to Doof) But sadly, you can't even do that! You're a total failure! You sicken me, Heinz Doofenshmirtz! (Walks away) Gevaarlijk out! (Slams door)
Doofenshmirtz: Wow. That could have gone better. (Perry walks up) Oh, there you are, Perry the Platypus. Oh, you... You saw that, huh? Yes. Of course. (Pause) You think I'm evil, right? (Perry smiles) Thank you, Perry the Platypus. (Camera pans to Perry and him looking at the moon) Thank you.

End Credits

(Song: Impress My Professor)
Doofenshmirtz: I... must... impress my professor to be a success
Singers: (At the same time) He... must... impress his professor to be a success
Doofenshmirtz: Or I will still be a flunky, a diploma-less monkey
Singers: (At the same time) Or he will still be a flunky, a diploma-less monkey
All: In the eyes of this person
Whose opinion may worsen
Doofenshmirtz: If my evil invention's not great

Doofenshmirtz: I must impress my professor
Singers: Impress his professor
Doofenshmirtz: I must impress my professor
Singers: Impress his professor
Doofenshmirtz: I must impress my professor
All: Before it's too late!

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