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Original Pitch/Transcript

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In the introduction to the Original Pitch on the The Fast and the Phineas (DVD), Jeff "Swampy" Marsh notes how similar the pilot episode "Rollercoaster" was to the pitch reel. This transcript shows the differences.

All voices in the pitch reel were performed by Dan Povenmire.

Pitch Reel and Pilot comparison
Original Pitch Pilot episode "Rollercoaster"
Phineas: So Ferb, what do you wanna do today?
(Ferb shrugs)
Phineas: What about Perry? What does he want to do?
(Perry chatters)
Phineas: Well, he is a platypus. They don't do much. Phineas: Well, he's a platypus. They don't do much.
Phineas: I, for one, am starting to get bored, and boredom is something up with which I will not put! The first thing they're gonna ask us when we get back to school is, "What did we do over the summer?".
Phineas: We better have something great to tell them. [line deleted]
Phineas: I mean, no school for three months. Our lives should be a rollercoaster! And I mean a good rollercoaster, not like that one we rode on at the State Fair.
(flashback to the State Fair where the ride has come to a quick and disappointing end)
Ride attendant: Please exit to the left.
Phineas: Man, that was lame. Why, if I built a rollercoaster, I would... That's it! I know what we're gonna do today!
Mom: Phineas, Ferb! I'm gonna go pick up a few things. You boys stay out of trouble, okay?
Phineas: Okay, Mom. (to Ferb): We're gonna build a rollercoaster!
(Mom is in the car and Candace is talking to her)
Candace: I'm in charge, right? You did tell them I'm in charge.
Mom: Relax, Candace. Nobody has to be in charge.
Candace: What if there's an emergency?
Mom: Like what?
Candace: What if, I don't know... Candace: What if, uh...
Candace: What if a satellite falls out of orbit and crashes into the house?
Mom: If that happens, you're in charge.
(Candace walks back to the boys)
Candace: Yes. Mom says I'm in charge...conditionally.
Phineas: Whatever.
Candace: Wait a minute. What are you doing?
Phineas: Homework.
Candace: It's summer.
Phineas: Fine, you wait 'til the last minute then.
("Fine" is said in a defiant tone)
Phineas: That's cool, you wait 'til the last minute then.
("That's cool" is said in a casual manner)
Candace: Well, I'm watching you. And I'm in charge...conditionally!
(Candace goes into the house. She looks out the window momentarily, then answers the phone when it rings.)
Candace: Hello? Oh, hi, Stacy!
Candace: I can't go to the mall right now. Candace: No, I can't get to the mall right now.
Candace: Mom just went to the store, she left me in charge...
Candace: know, conditionally. Candace: ...well, you know, conditionally.
Candace: Hey, if you go, could you see if Jeremy's there? Candace: Oh, if you go, can you see if Jeremy's there?
Candace: He's the cute one that works at Mr. Slusee Burger.
(pronounced as "slushy")
Candace: No, no, he's the cute one that works at Mr. Slushy Burger.
Candace: Yeah, he totally smiled at me last time I was there.
Candace: I just about died! No, I did. I really did. Candace: I just about died!
Candace: Well, I mean, I didn't, but I just about did! [line deleted]
Candace: No, I told you I can't, I'm watching my brother and stepbrother, 'cause they're always up to something. Candace: No, I told you I can't, I'm watching my brother and stepbrother.
Candace: Yeah, they never get into trouble, 'cause mom never catches them.
Candace: But one of these days, I'm going to see to it that she catches them red-handed. Candace: One of these days though, I'm going to see to it that she catches them red-handed.

(Things that Phineas and Ferb bring into the backyard while Candace is talking on the phone:)

Jackhammer and I-beams
Plunger and lots of plumbing items
Wagonload of pineapples
Plastic flamingo and caged lion

(The wagonload of pineapples are not shown in "Rollercoaster")

(Lion roars)
Candace: Would you hold it down out there? I'm on the phone! Candace: Will you hold it down? I'm trying to use the phone!
Candace: Well, like I said, mom left me in charge so there'll be no shenanigans today. Candace: Mom left me in charge so there'll be no shenanigans today.
Candace (repeating Stacy's question): What are they doing right now?
Candace: Their homework, I think. Man, they are such dorks. [line deleted]
Candace: Why do you ask?
What do you mean you can see it from your house? See what?!
(Candace walks outside)
Candace: Phineas, what is this?!
Phineas: This? This is genius! Do you like it? Phineas: Do you like it?
Candace: Ooh, I'm gonna tell mom, and when she sees what you're doing, you are going down! Down, down, down!
Phineas: Okay, but do you like it? [line deleted]
Candace: D-O-W-N, down!
(Candace storms off)
Phineas: Hey, we need a blowtorch and some more peanut butter. Phineas: We're gonna need a blowtorch and some more peanut butter.
(Isabella walks up the driveway while Candace rides off on her bike)
Isabella: Hey, Candace. Is Phineas...home?
(Candace ignores her and continues riding away on her bike)
Candace: Down, down, I say!
(Isabella walks up to Phineas)
Isabella: Hey, Ferb. Hey, Phineas. Isabella: Hey, Phineas.
Phineas: Oh, hey, Isabella.
Isabella: Whatcha doin'?
Phineas: Building a rollercoaster.
Isabella: In your backyard?
Phineas: Some of it.
Isabella: Wow. Isn't that kind of impossible?
Phineas: Is there something I can do for you?
(said in a slightly annoyed tone of voice)
Phineas: Some might say.
  Isabella: Hey, Ferb.
(Ferb waves)
  Isabella: Does your brother ever talk?
  Phineas: He's more a man of action.
Isabella: I was gonna go to the pool, you wanna go swimming?
Phineas: I'm kind of in the middle of something here. Phineas: Kind of in the middle of something here.
Isabella: Oh, right. Okay.
Phineas: Well, see you later then. Isabella: I'll see you later then.
Isabella: Okay. Phineas: Okay.
Phineas: Hey Ferb, you got enough rivets up there?
(Ferb gives the thumbs up sign)
Phineas: Where's Perry anyway? Phineas: Hey, where's Perry?
(Perry goes around the side of the house and enters his lair)
Female computer voice: You have one new secret mission. ''[Idea reused in Phineas and Ferb The Movie: Across the 2nd Dimension]
Major Monogram: Good morning, Agent P.
Major Monogram: The evil Dr. Mittelshmerz is up to his old tricks. Major Monogram: The evil Dr. Doofenshmirtz is up to his old tricks.
Major Monogram: For reasons unknown to us, he has bought up 80 percent of the country's tin foil.
Major Monogram: If this was anyone else, it would just be weird. But with Mittelshmerz, you can never be too careful. [line deleted]
Major Monogram: I want you to get over to his hideout right away and find out what he's doing and put a stop to it. Major Monogram: I want you to get over to his hideout right away, find out what he's doing and put a stop to it.
Major Monogram: You know, unless he's just watching TV or something. In which case, use your discretion. [line deleted]
Major Monogram: As always, Agent P, it is imperative that your cover identity as a mindless, domestic pet remains intact.
Major Monogram: If the family you live with ever suspects that you are working for the government, you will have to be relocated. [Plot point removed. Explored in

Phineas and Ferb The Movie: Across the 2nd Dimension]

Major Monogram: Now, get out there. We're all counting on you.
(Agent P flies out of his lair in his platypus vehicle. He covers his face as he passes Phineas and Ferb.)
Phineas: So, the way I see it, Phineas: The way I see it,
Phineas (continuing): the solid-fuel rocket's kicking in the mall parking lot. Then we release the snakes during our corkscrew around the Interstate.
I'm gonna go get the snakes.
(cut to grocery store)
Candace: Mom, you gotta come home right now.
Mom: Did a satellite crash into the house?
Candace: No, no, no! You gotta see what Phineas and Ferb are doing!
Mom: It seems like we've had this conversation before.
Candace: What do you mean?
Mom: I seem to recall you telling me the boys were training monkeys to juggle bicycles.
Mom: And then when I came home, there was a stunning lack of monkeys. Mom: And when I came home, there was a stunning lack of monkeys.
Candace: I still don't know how they cleaned that up so fast.
Candace: I mean, the poop alone should've taken... [line deleted]
Mom: And didn't you tell me last week that Phineas was mass-producing robots or something? [Plot point removed. Explored in "I, Brobot"]
Candace: They were androids, and they were terrifying!
Mom: And yet, the house was clean.
Candace (pondering): Wait, maybe the androids cleaned up after the monkeys.
Mom: So what's the emergency this time?
Candace: They're building a rollercoaster!
Mom: How original. Most boys just build forts. [Plot point removed. Explored in "Thaddeus and Thor".]
Candace: No, I mean a real rollercoaster! [line deleted]
Mom: Candace, seriously, isn't Phineas a little young to be a rollercoaster engineer?
(cut to car assembly plant)
Foreman: Aren't you a little young to be a rollercoaster engineer?
Phineas: Yes. Yes, I am.
Foreman: Oh...well, I must say, I'm very impressed. Foreman: Well, I must say, I'm very impressed.
Foreman: The forms all seem to be in order, although I've never seen them filled out in crayon before. So, if there's anything I can get you, anything at all, just let me know.
Phineas: You think we could borrow one of those gadgets?
(cut to a scene of a mechanical arm from the assembly plant laying out rollercoaster track)
Phineas: Now, this is the life.
(The coaster is now passing through Isabella's yard) [scene deleted]
Isabella: Hey, Phineas!
Phineas: Oh, hi, Isabella.
Isabella: Whatcha doin'?
Phineas: Still building that rollercoaster I was telling you about.
Isabella: Yeah, I can see. So it's going well, then?
Phineas: We think so.
Isabella: It's so manly. When it's gonna be done?
Phineas: Oh, you'll know. Everyone'll know. We'll put up fliers.
Isabella: Cool, I can't wait. See you then!
Phineas (to Ferb): We're gonna need fliers.
(Ferb is already printing the fliers on a Gutenberg press inside the rollercoaster car. He shows a flier to Phineas.)
Phineas: Excellent!
(zoom-in on the Mittelshmerz Evil, Inc. building) (zoom-in on the Doofenshmirtz Evil, Inc. building)
(Perry bursts in through a window)
(From here on down, Dr. Mittelshmerz and Dr. Doofenshmirtz will just be referred to as "doctor".)
Doctor: Well, well, well, Perry the Platypus, what an unexpected surprise. Doctor: Ah, Perry the Platypus, what an unexpected surprise.
Doctor: And by unexpected, I mean completely expected!
Doctor: You are obviously here to thwart my plan to reverse the rotation of the earth.
But, you are too late!
Wait a minute. Is it 11 o'clock yet?
Oh, wait. Hold on. One moment. Just a bit now.
Now. Now you are too late!
I promised myself I wouldn't let anyone stop me after 11 o'clock.
[lines deleted]
(These lines would later be used in "Gaming the System".)
(Mechanical arms seize Agent P)
Doctor: That is right, Mr. Platypus. [line deleted]
Doctor: I, Dr. Heinz Mittelshmerz... Doctor: I, Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz...
(line continues from above)
...have covered the entire eastern seaboard in tinfoil. And when I put my giant magnet next to my ingenious Magentism Magnifier, I will pull the east in a westernly direction, thereby reversing rotation of the earth! You may well ask yourself, "Why would he do this? What could he possibly have to gain?" Well, let me just answer that by saying I haven't really worked out all the bugs yet. I mean, you know, tinfoil alone cost a lot.
Doctor: I don't have all the receipts right now, but it was a lot. [line deleted]
(cut back to grocery store)
Candace: But Mom, I'm telling you, they're building it and it's huge!
Candace: It's twice the size of the house, and somehow they got use of a crane.
I mean, how does a nine-year-old even rent a crane?
[lines deleted, see Dan Povenmire Correspondence]
Candace (reading the poster): "Phineas and Ferb present the coolest coaster ever, now open?"
Kid #1: Phineas and Ferb got a rollercoaster? You think we could get a discount if we bring the flier?
Kid #2: Maybe we better take it.
(the kids take the flier)
Candace: Here, look, look, look, see?
I told you I'm not crazy! I told you!
Mom: And you're not crazy because?
(Candace screams)
Mom: I see your point, Candace. No crazy person would scream at a post like that.
(Candace screams) [line deleted]
Mom: I'll be in the dairy section if you want to come yell at some cheese or anything.
(Cut to the house. Ferb is letting people into a tent.)
(Cut to Ferb testing the microphone and then hands off the presentation to Phineas)
Phineas: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages!
Phineas: You are here this afternoon to witness the next generation of amusement park rides! [line deleted]
Phineas: May I present to you a spectacle most of the morning in the making!
Phineas: Mark your calendars ladies and gentlemen, because you'll want to tell your grandchildren about the day you rode... [line deleted]
(This line would later be used in "Rollercoaster: The Musical!".)
Phineas: ...the coolest... Phineas: The coolest...
Phineas (continuing): coaster...
(slow pan up the rollercoaster and the eagle hitting the track)
Phineas: So, who wants to go first?
(cut to the cars going up the track)
Phineas: To fasten your seatbelts, insert the metal tab into the buckle. To release, just pull back on the...
Phineas: Oops. Sorry about that. Well, you get the picture. Phineas: Oops. Well, you get the picture.
Phineas: The emergency exits are located...
Well, I guess it's just this whole area up here, isn't it?
[lines deleted]
Phineas: Well, that's about it. Enjoy the ride.
Phineas: And please remain seated while the ride is in motion.
(Phineas repeats this in Spanish.)
[lines deleted]
Phineas: Now this, this is a view. [line deleted]
Phineas: You all signed the waivers, right?
(Coaster passes through the snakes. Kids scream.)
Phineas: Relax, they're just rubber.
(Coaster dives into a bucket of mud and emerges a few seconds later.)
(Coaster rolls through a car wash to get clean, pauses for a moment for the attendant to polish the nose of the front coaster car, then resumes its breakneck speed.)
Phineas: Hey look, here comes the "Aah!" Phineas: Hey look, here comes the "A-A-A-A!"
(the section of the rollercoaster spells out AAAA and goes past the "Exclamation Finance" building with its ! logo on the side)
(Coaster goes into and out of a circus tent. Monkeys are now on the front and back car, juggling bicycles.)
Phineas: Cedric, Alfredo. So that's where you guys went.
[plot point removed]
(Robot appears on back car after the monkeys jump off)
Phineas: And look, the X-37. I'm glad to see they're all doing well.
[plot point removed]
(cut back to Perry, where the doctor is muttering)
Doctor: I'm telling you, nothing but expenses! I mean, have you ever tried to ship two tons of tin foil? Doctor: ...really make all my money back. (stuttering) I-I-I could buy a bunch of east-facing real estate and sell it again with an unsentimental view. I just...
(Perry flings a metal screw at the doctor)
Doctor: Ha ha! You missed! Doctor: Ha! You missed!
(screw strikes his foot)
Doctor: Aaahhh! Ow, ow, ow, ow, owwww!
(he and Perry then have a swordfight using wrenches)
Doctor: Ha! Now, you are too late! Doctor: Now, you are too late!
Doctor: Now... [word omitted, so "Quake" becomes the first word of the new sentence, below]
(Doctor continues) quake in your boots and watch helplessly while the unimaginable electromagnetic forces pull the eastern seaboard, thereby reversing the rotation of the...
(tin foil comes loose from the buildings)
Well, that didn't work.
Doctor: Oh, and now it appears that we have a two ton ball... Doctor: And now we have a two ton ball...
(Doctor continues) ...of tin foil travelling 200 miles an hour directly at us!
Quickly, we must separate the magnifier from the magnet before it is too late! Quickly, we must separate the magnet from the magnifier before it is too late!
(cut to grocery store)
Mom: I know I had my Club Card in here somewhere. I always have it with me, but my purse is such a disaster area, you know how it is.
(Candace looks out into the parking lot)
Candace: Their butts are mine now. Mom! Candace: Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! Mom! Mom!
(cut to Agent P and the doctor)
Doctor: It's no use! They won't budge, we're doomed! Doctor: It's no use! It's no use, we are doomed!
(helicopter removes the magnet)
Doctor: You did it! You saved us! I'm sorry I ever said anything bad. Doctor: You did it! You saved us, Perry the Platypus... Aah!
(the doctor gets hit by the tin foil ball)
Doctor: I'll get you... Doctor: Curse you, Perry the Platypus!
(helicopter removes the rollercoaster)
Candace: You just gotta see it! Look, look, see? Candace: Look, look, look, see?
Mom: Okay, I give up. What am I supposed to be looking at?
Candace: No! It's not possible!
Mom: I'm gonna go get the cart.
Candace: It was right here, and it was huge!
(Candace sees the helicopter fly off into the distance)
Candace: MOM!
Mom: Time to go. I've got frozens.
Candace Okay, so you think Phineas and Ferb are still under that stupid tree, right?
Mom: Well, yes, that would be my guess.
Candace: Fine. Then let's go home, now!
Mom: My, you can be awfully helpful when you are having a psychotic break! [deleted line]
(Phineas and Ferb see that they are flying over the city)
Phineas: Hmm. Bonus! [deleted line]
(Perry cuts the cable and lands in the rollercoaster car)
Phineas: Oh, there you are, Perry.
(Perry chitters)
Phineas: I wondered where you were. Oh, and nice hat, Isabella.
(Isabella removes the hat and swoons.)
Phineas: Nice hat, Isabella.
(Isabella removes the hat and "hmmm"s.)
(coaster is now travelling through the streets)
Phineas: Funny, I don't remember this in the blueprints.
(coaster goes up a ramp and is caught on the tail of a jet)
Phineas: And I'm sure this is new.
(The jet is flying away with the kids. Candace sees this and laughs gleefully.)
Mom: I worry about you sometimes, Candace.
(coaster flies from Statue of Liberty to Mount Rushmore and the fast food stand)
Employee: Welcome to Mr. Slusee Burger. May I take your order? Employee: Welcome to Mr. Slushy Burger. May I take your order?
Phineas: Anybody want fries?
(They are flung over to Paris. The Eiffel Tower catches them and bends down to a croissant shop.)
  (When the rollercoaster car is caught on the Eiffel Tower, the tower bends about half-way down and just starts to straighten back up, when the scene cuts to the croissant shop.)
Employee: Croissant? (said with an extreme accent, so that it sounds like "Cwah-sonnt")
Phineas: Anybody want a croissant? (he says it the same way as the employee)
(The Eiffel Tower straightens out and flings them into space. A satellite passes them.)
Phineas: You know if that crashes into earth, Candace is in charge. Phineas: You know if that thing crashes to earth, Candace is in charge.
(rollercoaster falls back to earth)
Phineas: We should have charged more.
(cut to Mom and Candace arriving back home)
Mom: Okay, we're home. Are you happy? Mom: Okay, we're here. Are you happy now, Candace?
(Candace looks in the backyard)
Candace: Yes! See, mom? I told you they weren't there!
(Mom looks in)
Mom: Oh, hi, Phineas. Hi, Ferb. Mom: Oh, hi, boys.
Phineas: Hi, Mom.
Mom: Come on, Candace, help me with the groceries.
Candace (sputtering): But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but, but.... Mom (overlapping in the middle of Candace's sputtering): Let's go.
(kids start falling out of tree)
-Hey, Phineas, that was great.
-Way too cool.
-That was awesome!
-Can we do it again?
Phineas: Sorry, only one ride per customer.
Isabella: That was great, Phineas.
Isabella: Will it be open tomorrow? [deleted line]
Phineas: Nah, don't want to get in a rut. [deleted line]
Isabella: So what are you going to do tomorrow?
Phineas: I don't know yet. Phineas: Don't know yet.
Isabella: Maybe you can teach Perry some tricks.
Phineas: Well, he is a platypus, they don't do much.
Ferb: They're the only mammals to lay eggs.
Phineas: Well, maybe he'll lay an egg. Phineas: Maybe he'll lay an egg.
Isabella: Okay, cool, see you tomorrow, Phineas. Bye, Ferb. Isabella: Cool, see you tomorrow. It really was the coolest coaster ever. You guys make a great team.
  Phineas: Well, a brother is a brother, but I couldn't have asked for a better one than Ferb. You know what I mean?
  (Ferb belches)
  Phineas: Oh, oh, man! I could smell the peanut butter!
  Isabella: Well, that was impressive. See you guys.
Phineas: So what should we do tomorrow? There's a world of possibilities. Maybe we should make a list.
(tree explodes and car alarms go off)
Candace (off screen): Mom!
Mom (also off screen): Give it a rest, Candace!
(As the ball of tin foil goes rolling by in the background, fade out.)


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