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Out to Launch/Transcript

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Part I

(Phineas, Ferb and Perry are sitting under the tree in the backyard listening to the radio.)
Radio Announcer: It's another gorgeous summer day here in the Tri-State Area. Ladies, have you asked a date to the Night of the Falling Stars Girls-Choice Dance yet? It seems Danville's gone star-crazy waiting for the meteor shower tonight!
Phineas: A meteor shower? How cool is that? Just think: somewhere out in space there's a bunch of asteroids headed right for Earth!
Lawrence: Hey, boys? Boys? Oh there you are! Hey, look what I got for you online!
Phineas: Oh, cool! You named a star after us!
Lawrence: You're now the owners of a little piece of the universe!
Phineas: Did you get one for Candace too?
Lawrence: Well, I did. Yes, of course I did, although she doesn't really care about this stuff. Anyway, they're practically giving 'em away online! D'you know, it's even better than the Oklahoma land rush of 1889!
Linda: Ah, those corny history references made me fall for him in the first place. Vivian and I are off to our mahjong tournament. Have fun today, boys.
Lawrence: Okay, darling. Good luck.
Phineas: Good luck!
Lawrence: Well, what am I doing standing here when I can be out buying more stars?
Phineas: Hey, Ferb. Now that we own a star, we should go check it out! And how cool is space travel? The g-forces, eating dinner out of a tube, going to the bathroom without going to the bathroom, not to mention the weightlessness. Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today.


Candace: Uh, Jeremy, I was wondering, uh... if you'd like to go the Night of the Falling Stars Girls-Choice Dance with me.
Jeremy: With you? You've got to be kidding me. (He begins laughing)
(More and more people join in, until the entire world explodes)

Candace: (Talking on the phone) And that, Stacy, is why I can't ask Jeremy to the dance.
Stacy: You realize that's kind of a worse-case scenario, right?
Candace: That could very well happen. What if he says no? What if he laughs in my face?
Stacy: You can't let fear rule your life, Candace. Jeremy likes you. He's not gonna say no. Now, I'm gonna hang up, and when I do, I want you to call Jeremy. Don't man the phone, girl. Phone the man!
Candace: Yeah, I am not gonna let fear rule my life. (Dials number)
Stacy: (Muffled) Hello?
Candace: Stacy? Yeah, I can't do it.

(Song: "Let's Take a Rocket Ship to Space")
Let's take a rocket ship to space
I hear it's a real swinging place
There isn't much air, or gravity there,
The stars will make your heart ra-ace
Let's take a rocket ship, let's take a rocket ship
Let's Take a Rocket Ship to Space!
Let's take a saucer to the stars
Look out moon, move over Mars
The martians all rock, to Basie and Bach
So bring your maracas and jazz guitars
Let's take a saucer to the stars
Let's take a rocket ship, a crazy three-staged rocket ship,
Let's take a rocket ship to space!

Phineas: And this is Mission Control.
Isabella: Kinda small.
Phineas: Oh, it looks small on the outside. But Ferb really knows how to maximize space.
Isabella: Hey Phineas, can I ask you something? Will you go to the dance-
Katie: Excuse me Phineas, can I get you to sign some liability waivers?
Phineas: Sure thing. (To Isabella) Hold that thought, Isabella.
Isabella: Sure. No prob.
(Dramatic music plays as Phineas, Ferb, and Perry walk out in their spacesuits)
Isabella: Why are you guys walking so slow?
Phineas: Dramatic effect.
Isabella: You guys ready?
Phineas: (From inside the rocket) The star coordinates are pre-programmed. Let's light this candle.
Isabella: All systems go. Commence countdown.
Gretchen: (In a deep voice) Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, (A bird crashes into rocket) two, one. (She clears throat, then peaks in her normal voice) Ignition.
(Isabella presses the launch button, but the rocket engines sputter, and it fails to take off)
Phineas: Looks like we need a Jump-start.

Candace: Stacy, what if while I'm asking him, a satellite falls out of orbit and crashes into the— Wait a minute, what is going on out there? I'll call you back, Stacy.

Phineas: Positive to positive, negative to ground, right?
Candace: (Climbing into Phineas and Ferb's spaceship) Brothers. Does every sister have to deal with this? No. Do I have to deal with this? Of course. You'd think I'd have better things to do and other things to worry about. Every single day, it's one thing after another. But do Mom and Dad see it? No. Do they get in trouble? No. And another thing– (She enters the cockpit, to find Phineas and Ferb aren't there)
(Perry chatters)
Phineas: Got the remote?
(Ferb pressed the button to start teh car, and the rocket lifts off, taking the car with it)
Phineas: Oops.
(Candace screams)
Isabella: Uh, guys? I think you should see this.
(Candace continues screaming)
Phineas: Candace? How'd you get in there?
Candace: (Yelling) I can't hear you! My cheeks are covering my ears!
Phineas: We should probably help her. Good thing we built two rockets.
Isabella: Wow, it's pretty.
Phineas: It was for Candace to see her star. I don't know why she took ours.

(A satellite cuts through the wires connecting Candace's ship and the car)
Astronaut: (In a space shuttle, preparing to dock with the space station) Uh, ready to park this puppy?
(The car lands where the astronauts were intending to dock))
Astronaut: Oh, it's bad enough this happens on earth. Now space?!

Phineas: We're coming to get you, Candace! Hey, she's coming in! (Speaking to candace over video phone) Candace, don't worry. It's pre-programmed. As long as you don't start hitting buttons randomly, everything will be okay.
Candace: I can't hear you! I'm too busy hitting buttons randomly!
(Phineas and Ferb glance at each other, exasperatedly)
Phineas: By the way, Candace, where's Perry?
Candace: I don't know. He must've gotten off before we launched.

Major Monogram: Agent P, afraid I have terrible news. It's Doofenshmirtz. He's built a space station, and due to budget cuts, we have no way of getting you into space. Now, I've contacted the president, and... Agent P, are you in space? Nice work. You are always one step ahead. Your mission is to find Doofenshmirtz and stop him, Agent P.
Perry!
Monogram: (Floating in space) Agent P? Agent P?

Candace: Uh, guys, what are all these red flashing things heading toward my rocket?
Phineas: Yeah, those are asteroids.
Candace: Asteroids? (She screams)
(Phineas flies their rocket through the asteroids)
Phineas: Just like Beggar's Canyon back home. We're catching up to her!
(Candace screams a few more times as two of her rockets are knocked off by steroids))
Phineas: Oop, she lost her engines. Let's go get her.

(Perry gets sucked into a a spaceship designed as a robot torso)
Doofenshmirtz: I can't believe it's Perry the Platypus. (He traps Perry in an ice cube tray) Hohohohoho Perry the Platypus, what are you doing here? I thought you guys were having budget cuts. Well, it just shows to go ya. Hey, let's walk and talk. So, you're probably wondering why my space station has two enormous arms. Well, what you should be wondering is why it has two giant hands! Ha ha ha ha!
Doofenshmirtz: (Flashing back) See, during my teen years, I was very adept at hand shadows. It was great for entertaining at parties, and for meeting Fräuleins. But then one day, there was a new puppeteer in town. His name was Hans, and his hands were huge. We called him "Huge Hands Hans". His puppetry was garbage, but unfortunately, it was good enough for my Fräulein. I lost her to a boy with bigger fingers, and I never did a shadow puppet again.
Doofenshmirtz: Until tonight! (He laughs) And when the sun rises in one hour; see, right over there; Then everyone in the Tri-State Area will see my enormous hand shadows on the moon!


Phineas: There she is! Uh-oh, this isn't good. Candace, you're in a decaying orbit.
Candace: What does that even mean?
Phineas: You just need to get to the spacesuit on the hook behind you.
Candace: Okay.
Phineas: Now put it on.
Candace: Okay, I'm putting it on.
Phineas: Now walk over to the door.
Candace: Okay, I'm at the door.
Phineas: Now just open it and take a little spacewalk to our ship.
Candace: What?
Phineas: Candace, there's nothing to be scared of.
Candace: Nothing to be scared of? There's the never-ending, icy-cold, soul-sucking darkness of space!
Phineas: I hear negative!
Candace: There is no way I'm going out there.
Phineas: We're just a few yards away. You can't let fear rule your life.
Candace: Of course I can. That's my thing.
Phineas: Candace, just calm down and take Ferb's hand.
Candace: Ferb's hand? (Ferb grabs her hand, and leaves Candace's ship, dragging Candace along, back to Phineas's ship) Thanks, guys.
Phineas: Mission Control? Come in, Mission Control.
Isabella: Phineas, did you find Candace?
Phineas: Yes. We've got her, and we're on our way home.
Isabella: Excellent. So, Phineas, speaking of home, there's that dance tonight, and– (An alarm begins beeping)
Phineas: Hold that thought, Isabella. I think we're out of fuel.
Candace: What? Find some fuel somewhere and let's go.
Phineas: That's gonna be hard. We're kinda nowhere.
Candace: You mean we're stuck here in the empty void of space?
(The spaceship approaches a large light source)
Candace: Phineas... what is that?
Phineas: I have no idea.

Astronaut: Uh, will the owner of a red station wagon please move your vehicle? You are in a shuttle loading and unloading zone only.

Part II

(Phineas, Ferb and Candace's ship continues moving toward the light source)
Candace: What is that?
Phineas: I have no idea. (reading the signs that was emitting the light) Milk shakes? Wow, that was so bright, I thought it was a star. Maybe we'll find some fuel here. (The rocket lands) Are you sure you don't wanna come with us? Ferb says the oxygen levels are just like Earth.
Candace: Uh... I'm sure. Just find some fuel, and let's get out of here! (In the Bar)
Bartender: One sarsaparilla coming up.
Alien: I love you, man.
(The other alien punches the first with it's tongue)
Phineas: Hi. I'm Phineas, and this is Ferb. (The music in the bar stops playing)
Bartender: Wait a second. You're Phineas and Ferb?
Phineas: Yeah.
Bartender: Hey, everyone, it's the new owners!
(The aliens cheer)
Phineas: New owners? Those coordinates are right here. Ferb, this is our star. Wow. That sign really is bright.
Alien 2: I told you they'd show up.
Bartender: So now that you own the joint, what do you think of it? I know, it's a little run-down.
Phineas: I have a few ideas for this place.

(Boys laugh)
(The Earth blows up)
Isabella: You do realize that's a worst-case scenario, right, Candace? But I do feel for ya. I've been trying to ask Phineas to that same dance all–
Candace: Phineas. What's taking those boys so long? They were supposed to find fuel ages ago. Later, Isabella.
Isabella: Sure. No prob.

Doorman: (In a Cockney accent) Stop right there.
Candace: Let me in, buster.
Doorman: Phineas and Ferb don't take kindly to gatecrashers.
Candace: I'm no gatecrasher; I'm their sister!
Doorman: Ooh, sorry about that. Honest mistake. You won't mention this to them, eh?
Alien 3: Uh, I'm their sister.

(Song: "Shooting Star Milkshake Bar")
Yeah
There's a jumpin' little rock in the outer spiral arm
May not be pretty, but it's got a lotta charm
It's a Shooting Star Milkshake Bar, yeah
It's not a nebula, it's not a quasar
It's a Shooting Star Milkshake Bar
At the speed of light, you know you're never too far
From the meatiest meteor that you'll ever find
In this big ol' galactic void
You got to shake, shake-shake, shake your asteroid
Shake, shake-shake, shake your asteroid

Phineas: Hey, Candace, guess what? This is our star!
Candace: I thought we were getting out of here.
Phineas: Ferb and I thought we'd fix up the place. You know, pride of ownership? Take a load off. Have a shake.
Alien 4: I can't do it.
Candace: Uh, are you okay?
Alien 4: No. The bicentennial Taming of the Yarks Dance is tonight, and I wanna ask the girl of my dreams, but what if she says no? What if she laughs in my face? What if her friends laugh at me? What if her friends' friends laugh at me?
Candace: Aren't you being a little overly dramatic? I mean, really, what's the worst thing that could happen?
Alien 4: Uh... the entire planet could blow up?
Candace: Please. I think you should just ask her to the dance.
Alien 4: Really? You think so?
Candace: I do. Really.
Alien 4: Well... Okay. (He takes a breath) Here goes nothin'. Ahem. Sylvia... will you go to the dance with me?
Sylvia: (Appearing, attached to his head) Well, of course. I've been waiting for you to ask me. I mean, even if you asked someone else, I'd still have to go with you.
Candace: See? That wasn't so hard.
Phineas: So... Candace?
Candace: Oh, I get it. Big lesson. Yeah, well, I learned that it wouldn't be hard to ask Jeremy out if he was growing out of the back of my head. Now you find us some fuel, and let's get outta here.
Phineas: Wow. I just wanted to know if she liked the shake. (to the bartender) You don't know where we could find some rocket fuel, do ya?
Bartender: Rocket fuel? It's all Ronaldo drinks.
Ronaldo: (In an Italian accent) Only imported rocket fuel.
(Outside Ferb fills Ronaldo's cup with fuel, then finishes fueling the ship)
Ronaldo: Grazie.
Candace: Let's go!
Phineas: Hey, Ferb, I'm sensing Candace wants to leave.
(Ferb spins the nuzzle back into it's resting place)
Candace: Will you cut that out?

Astronaut: Okay, that's it. I'm not waiting anymore. (The two astronauts lift the car away) Great. Let's park the shuttle. (A flying saucer lands) Oh, come on! (He throws his helmet off in fury, and quickly puffs up because of it) Uh-oh. I think I should go inside now.

Candace: Why are we stopping?
Phineas: I don't get it. We have plenty of fuel. The battery's worn down. Candace, were you using the videophone without the engine running?
Candace: Yeah. Was that a bad thing?
Phineas: If by "bad", you mean we're stranded in the never-ending, icy-cold, soul-sucking darkness of space... then, yeah.

Doofenshmirtz: Soon, Perry the Platypus, the sun will be at full strength, and my plan will come to fruition. Unless, of course, it's overcast... (An alarm begins beeping) Eh, but what are you going to do? Proximity alert? Why are there so many people in space? What's up with that?

Isabella: You need another jump-start? Candace, didn't you have the engine running when we were talking on the videophone?
Candace: Am I the only person who doesn't know this?
Phineas: So, any suggestions, Isabella?
Isabella: Sensors are indicating a massive power source in your area.
Phineas: Where? I don't see it. (Doofenshmirtz's ship rises behind Phineas, Ferb, and Candace's) Wait a minute. I see it. It's Mom's car! We're saved! Ferb, toss me the starter remote. (Ferb shrugs) Ooh, that's right. We left it at home.
Candace: What's a starter remote?
Phineas: Well, legally we're too young to start a car. We get away with it by using a starter remote. But you, Candace, have your learner's permit. Looks like you'll be doing the jump-starting.
Candace: What? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Can't you guys just find some old nuts and bolts lying around and jerry-rig up some kind of machiney-deely-bob and get us out of this situation?
Ferb: Candace, we are just kids.
Candace: ( She groans) Why am I arguing this? Hand me the suit.
(Candace get's into the suit)
Phineas: Let me turn on the oxygen.
(Oxygen flows into Candace's suit, inflating her rear-end)
Candace: Does this suit make my butt look big?
Phineas: Yes. Yes, it does. Maybe I had the pressure up too high.
Candace: Never mind. I'll fix it. (She backs up, and transfers the inflation to her hands) Well, I guess this is preferable.
Phineas: You can do this, Candace.
Candace: I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can't do this. I can't do this.

Doofenshmirtz: (Watching) What is this? Now, why would an astronaut wear such big gloves? Wait a second! (He gasps) Huge Hands Hans?! It's Huge Hands Hans! He found me out in space! Oh, you're not going to steal a job from me this time, Huge Hands Hans! Nor my Fräuleins!

Candace: How did it go again, Phineas?
Phineas: It's positive to positive.
Candace: Positive to positive.
Phineas: Negative to ground.
Candace: What ground? We're in space!
Phineas: No, no. Ground just means any piece of metal.
Candace: Any piece of metal? Well, then why do they call it ground? Why don't they just call it me- (She turns around and sees Doofenshimrtz's spaceship reaching to grab her)
Phineas: What's wrong, Candace? Candace? Candace, what's wro- (Phineas sees the ship as well) Oh. Danville, we have a problem.
Isabella: Okay, girls, turn to the giant robot section of your Fireside Girls manuals.
Phineas: Isabella, anything?
Isabella: Still looking.
(Candace screams as the robot grabs her)
Phineas: Isabella!
Isabella: Here it is. Okay. According to this, you should get the heck out of there!
Phineas: Great, but we've got no power. She didn't connect the— Candace, negative to ground!
Candace: What?
Phineas: Negative to ground, Candace! Negative to ground!
Candace: Oh, you mean negative to metal! (She attaches the jump lead to the robot, thereby giving the rocket a jumpstart) I did it! I did it!
Phineas: She did it!
(The rocket powers up and flies off, with Candace and the car in tow)

Doofenshmirtz: No! Huge Hands Hans is getting away! Not this time, freak fingers! (Doofenshmirtz chases after them) Just you wait, Huge Hands Hans! You can run, but you can't hide! You know, he can run, but he can't– (Perry's ice tray smacks Doofenshmirtz across the face) Ow! Wait a second. How did you--? Oh, I see. That's it— (Perry, with the remote control launches back at Doofenshmirtz) That's not fair! Oh, that's it, It's on now! (As Perry and Doofenshmirtz fight, the arms of the robot swing, matching Doofenshmirtz's movements)

Phineas: Isabella, I hate to bother you again.
Isabella: Oh, no bother.
Phineas: You got anything else? The robot's gaining on us.
Isabella: It says they don't corner well.
Phineas: They don't corner well? Wait a sec. Candace, fasten your seat belt. We're taking a little detour. (They steer the spaceship into the asteroid belt, swing Candace around) Now, how is she passing us?
Candace: Phineas, what are you doing?! (She screams)
Phineas: See? Corners like a dream.

(Doofenshmirtz's ship gets hit by some of the meteorites, punching through the wall of the ship. Perry escapes out of a hole, as a large asteroid moves to strike the ship)
Doofenshmirtz: That's it! Run away, Perry the Scaredy– Oof. (With his face puffed up from exposure to the vacuum of space) Oh, I think I need to put on my spacesuit. Uh oh. (The asteroid strike Doofenshmirtz's ship)

Lawrence: And now, my good man, you ready for this? Your tip. Your very own star.
Delivery Guy: Uptown, they give quasars. (He drives off)

(Phineas and Ferb's rocket lands safely, and deposits the car in the driveway)
Candace: Oh, sweet land!
Isabella: Hey, Phineas, you guys were great.
Phineas: Thanks. You weren't too bad yourself.
Isabella: Oh. (She giggles) Thanks. So, would you like to go to the Night of the Falling Stars Girls' Choice Dance tonight?
Phineas: Sounds like fun.
Isabella: Really?
Phineas: Ferb, what's our schedule like?
(Ferb gives a thumbs-up)
Phineas: Okay, we'll be there.
Isabella: Both of you?
Phineas: Yeah. Why don't you come by, and we'll all walk over together?
Isabella: Sure. No prob.

Linda: Thanks for the lift, Viv.
Candace: (Stares at her rocket ship and walks up to Linda) Mom!
Linda: Hey, sweetheart. Oh, look at your outfit. Hey, guess what? We won! (flatly) But the grand prize was a star.
Lawrence: (eating pizza) Ooh, whoo!
(Long pause)
Candace: (smiles) Mom, that's great, but you gotta see something in the yard. Come on, you gotta see it! Come on, come on!
Linda: All right, I'm a-comin'.
(Candace runs to the yard, but Linda sees the car in the driveway)
Linda: Hmm. Uh, I'll be right with you after I pull my car into the garage.
Candace: Yes, it's still here! (to Linda) See, Mom? There! Mom?
Linda: I'm just backing the car in! I'll be right with you!
(Just as Linda backs up, the cord still connected to the inside of the hood comes loose and starts the rocket up. It blasts off into space and takes Mission Control with it.)
Linda: So what did you want to show me, Candace?
Candace: (facepalms) Just go make some pie...
Linda: Or... (leaving) How about a healthy fruit salad?

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, curse this tin can! Ugh, I'm going to need a jump-start! (Phineas and Ferb;s rocket crashes into Doofenshmirtz's, causing it to begin to fall towards earth) I, uh, no, I guess it won't help now.

Phineas: Hey, Candace?
Candace: What?
Phineas: Ferb and I just wanted to say thank you. We were in a pretty precarious situation up there. If it wasn't for your bravery, who knows what would have happened?
Candace: Really? You think I'm... brave?
Phineas: Are you kidding? Ferb was goin' on and on about it.
Candace: Yeah, I was brave! (She gasps) I was brave! I'm not gonna let fear rule my life anymore! Now I've gotta go. I've got a mission to accomplish.
(Perry chatters)
Phineas: Hey, Perry. Where ya been?

(At Jeremy's house, a knocking is heard)
(Jeremy gasps in shock)
Candace: Jeremy, will you go to the dance with me?
Jeremy: Candace?
Candace: (Reveals she's in her spacesuit) Yeah.
Jeremy: I've been waiting for you to ask me.
Candace: Really?
Jeremy: Yeah. Only, uh, uh, Candace, is that what you're gonna wear?
Candace:  Why? You like it?

End Credits

(Song: Let's Take a Rocket Ship to Space)
Jeremy: Hey, Candace, look.
Candace: A shooting star, just for us.
Let's take a rock ship, a crazy three-stage rocket ship,
Let's Take a Rocket Ship to Space!
Doofenshmirtz: (Screaming) Curse you, Perry the Platypus! And you too, Huge Hands Hans!
Voice: It's the final frontier, baby.

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