Act I

Spider-Man: Aunt May, Phineas and Ferb are making a crossover!
Phineas: Yeah, we are!
Isabella: That was awesome!

Phineas: Yeah! The cosmic rays we collected through our satellite dish made a great power source for our surfboards.
Baljeet: Well, I, for one, need to get back to the space station.
Phineas: All right.
Buford: You know, these suits are equipped with—

Baljeet: I do not want to do it in the suit!
Doofenshmirtz: (to Perry) Aw, come on!!! One kick and you destroy my inator? Right? W-W-And what? You're just gonna thwart and run? I thought this was going to be a special extended episode!
Nick Fury: The beam that hit you originated from the Tri-State Area, bounced off a space station satellite dish, and hit you in New York City during your fight.

An image appears on screen of a satellite shaped like Phineas' head
Spider-Man: Is that one of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s?
Nick Fury: No, it's theirs.
Phineas and Ferb appear on the screen working on something

Spider-Man: (about Phineas) Man, that kid's got a weird-shaped head.
Doofenshmirtz: (typing) "OMG!! I drained all the powers from a group of superheroes all the way in New York , and those powers belong to me now! >:D >:D >:D" (read as "happy emoticon") And send! Norm, let's get the powers out of the cannister so I can start wielding them! I-I can’t wait to fly and run fast and carry a big hammer around for no reason!
Norm: Sir, I hate to be the bearer of empty canisters, but this canister is empty.
MODOK: I, MODOK, the perfect combination of human intellect and machine, have interfaced with all of the digital information stored on the vast network, the World Wide Web!

Whiplash: I can do the same thing with my phone. Plus I got free roaming!

Venom: Nice!
Red Skull: Hmm, Doofenshmirtz. That sounds Drusselshteinian. I have a cousin who married a Drusselshteinian. She is dead to me!!
Red Skull: Gentlemen, it looks like we're going on an evil road trip.

MODOK: Ooh, shotgun!

Linda: Oh, hey, kids. I'm gonna be taking a walking tour of the Tri-State Area today. (her phone rings) Yes, Candace, you're in charge.
Candace: Whoopee!!
Doofenshmirtz: (to Red Skull) Y'know, you really should use sunblock. Y-You're burned down to the bone.
MODOK: I am MODOK, and you are the one they call "Doofenshmirtz".
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, yeah. That's what they sing at the end of the birthday song...Ah, well, y'know, at least they...would have if...anybody ever sang....that song to me.
Doofenshmirtz: Ooh, the giant head and floating arms thing. You know, I tried that in the 90's.

Doofenshmirtz (in flashback): I'll rule the Tri-State Area!

Doofenshmirtz: I could never negotiate my way out the front door.
Red Skull: Shos your davices, Doofenshmirtz!

Doofenshmirtz: "Shess-so-davices? I-Is that Latin?
Red Skull: Show us your devices.
Doofenshmirtz: I-I-I-I-I'm still not gettin' it. Anyone?

Whiplash: I have no idea.

Act II

Thor: Juice in a box? We have nothing like this in Asgard.
Candace: (coming down stairs) Alright, boys and girls, listen up, Mom's on a walking tour of Danville and Dad's tinkering in the basement, so I'm in charge. That means no shenanigans! Hey, Spider-Man. So I'll be over at Stacy's all...d-d-d-daaay???!!!

Spider-Man: 'Sup?
Thor: Greetings, fair young maiden.

Candace: It's!
Major Monogram: This is director Nick Fury of S-H-I-E-L-D.

Nick Fury: That's S.H.I.E.L.D.! It's an acronym.
Major Monogram: Oh, like "OWCA".

Nick Fury: Yes, except it's cool.
Nick Fury: (about Perry) Is he some kind of super-platypus with super-platypus powers?

Major Monogram:
Nick Fury: Does he have some kind of robotic platypus exoskeleton?

Major Monogram: He, uh, he has a fedora.
Nick Fury: Hey, wait a minute, were you wearing that eyepatch when we started?!

Major Monogram: Oh, this? Uh, yeah. It's, uh, doctor's orders. I have a stye.
Carl: (offscreen) He thinks it makes him look cool.
Major Monogram: No I don't.

Nick Fury: I'm going to proceed as if this were going really well.
Nick Fury: Francis, I'm gonna need you to—Now what are you doing?

Carl: He thinks two eyepatches make him look twice as cool.

Major Monogram: I don't know what you're talking about.
Red Skull: (about Doof's inators) I do not understand. Zees machines are useless. What is wrong wis zis man?

Whiplash: Maybe he is a misunderstood genius.

Red Skull: Or maybe he is a perfectly understood idiot.
Doofenshmirtz: (to Red Skull) Is your head going to burst into flames or am I thinking of someone else?
Candace: Um, hi. Heh. Would you guys read my fan-fiction? (holds up a book titled Heroes on Ice by Candace Flynn) It's a story where Thor and Hulk decide to learn ice skating and—
Spider-Man: I'm sorry, but we're not allowed to accept unsolicited material.
Isabella: Candace, I didn't know you were a fangirl.

Candace: Oh, sure. From way back. It all started when I did some research to get up to speed for the Ducky Momo superhero crossover event.

Japanese Announcer: Quack quack Ducky Momo-san superhero desu!
Candace: Let's get our hero on!
Phineas: Everyone has new superpowers except Hulk. He must have Iron Man's powers. But without the suit, there's not that much there.

Hulk: I am feeling entrepreneurial.

Phineas: At least his vocabulary's improved.
Iron Man: So give me the hammer. What do I do? I just stick out my hand, right? Come on, baby, come to papa!

Thor: That is not how it works.
Iron Man: Whadaya mean? I got your powers.
Thor: Wielding Mjolnir is about worthiness, not power.
Iron Man: Really?
Thor: It's a fine distinction, but an important one.
Iron Man: Potato, potahto.
Thor: I do not know what that means.
Iron Man: Okay, nevermind. What about the lightning? How do I control that?
Thor: Actually, that only works with the hammer.
Iron Man: What about flying? I've seen you fly.
Thor: Well, yes, but not without—

Iron Man: Not without the hammer. Right.
Spider-Man: Spider-Man smash!

Spidey smashes through the roof of the Googolplex Mall while Linda is outside listening on her headphones oblivious
Hulk: Was he makin' fun of me?

Thor: A little, yes.
Iron Man: Y'know, it'd be really nice right now to have the power to throw a hammer!
Thor: I told you it's not about power, it's about worthiness! (sigh) It's like talking to a Bilgesnipe.
Thor's hands get stuck to MODOK
Thor: I find myself in a sticky situation. Oh no, I've received Spider-Man's propensity for puns!
Hulk: (dressed in pots and pans and various appliances) Now I'm Iron Man! (The real Iron Man flies into the impostor)


Spider-Man: (to Perry) Hey, Duck Guy, thanks for the rescue! (to Iron Man) Do we tip him?

Iron Man: He's not parking our car.

Spider-Man: I just don't know the etiquette.
Red Skull: Who vas that
Doofenshmirtz: Y'know, none of this would have happened if we had just gone out for ice cream like I suggested!
Thor: (to Agent P) Thank you, small but mighty friend!

Phineas: You know, he seemed vaguely familiar.
Spider-Man: Ya think that was Howard the Duck?
Iron Man: Time is of the essence. We've gotta—No, that wasn't Howard the Duck!
Spider-Man: What? I'm just sayin'.

Hulk: He did have a bill.
Hulk Baljeet: BALJEET SMASH!!!!
Buford: (about Candace) I've always told her: Don't ever make Phineas angry. You wouldn't like it when he's angry.
Isabella: Oh no! Baljeet! We've gotta go after him!

Thor: Sadly, there's no time! Our mission lies elsewhere!
Isabella: Well, I'll go after him then!
Buford: Nah, nah. I'll go! You stay here, little girl, it might get ugly.
Isabella: What you don't think I can handle ugly? I've been hangin' out with you all summer!

Buford: Sticks and stones!
Nick Fury: Greetings, Agent P! S.H.I.E.L.D. has gotten intel that the supervillains are holding up in downtown Danville in an oddly-shaped building with its own jingle. We need you to find out what they're up to!

Major Monogram: (now sporting an eyepatch and a goatee like Fury) And neutralize them if possible, Agent P!
Nick Fury: Monogram! Seriously, the beard, too!

Major Monogram: You're not the only one who can rock an awesome face mullet, Fury!
Doofenshmirtz: And see, it takes four orbs of mundanium finite to power it. It would only take one orb of Pizzazium Infinionite but that's so hard to find. Oh, don't get me started! So we just lock the module in here and...Viola! Yeah, I know, it's a large violin. I-I don't know why people say that.
(A hot dog stand gets power-drain-inated)
Hot Dog Vendor: Aw, man! And I just moved here from New York, cuz I thought it would be safer.
Thor: Being a hero isn't the armor you wear. But the metal in your spirit and the steel in your resolve.

Spider-Man: Man, that was eloquent. All I ever do is quips. Like this one, for instance. And the one preceding it.
Iron Man: Can we please not kill the gravitas of this moment?

Spider-Man: Sorry.

Act IV

Little Old Lady: (to the supervillains) Outta my way, you weirdos! It's worse than Portland!
Red Skull: Look around you! Now that you have no powers, you have no friends, no allies, you have nussing!

Hulk Baljeet comes to save Iron Man
Iron Man: We have a Baljeet.
Hulkjeet: Hulkjeet.
Iron Man: Oh, my bad. Apparently he prefers to be known as "Hulkjeet". (The Beak arrives) And this thing.
Phineas: Ba-caw!
Iron Man: If it's a bird, it's with us, too. (Agent P flies in) The flying duck with a beaver tail. We got him! (Waffles fall from the sky) But I gotta level with ya, I have no idea who's shooting waffles.

Doofenshmirtz: Woo-hoo! Top of the world, Ma!
Candace: You don't think it's weird the space station looks like Phineas?

Isabella: If by "weird" you mean "dreamy".

Candace: Oh, brother.
Candace: Now make the powers blast...down there and stuff.

Isabella: I don't know how to do that!
Candace: Whadaya mean? Didn't Phineas explain how to—

Isabella: Yeah. It was like, "Isabella...blah blah blah blah blah...Isabella...blah blah blah blah blah..." He was dressed like an astronaut! I was distracted!
Candace pushes a red button in the space station

Computer: System shutting down.
Candace: Uh-oh.
Computer: Anti-gravitational jets disabled.
Isabella: Candace!
Computer: Orbit decaying.
Candace: We're falling back to Earth!
Computer: Fuel systems immobilized. Social network friends...defriended.

Candace: Oh, now that's just mean!

Act V

(The Beak's arm gets blown off)
Phineas: Talk about being disarmed!
Candace: Yo, heroes, got a little somethin' for ya!

Phineas: Candace! The data collection tank! Of course!
Spider-Man: Great job! Somebody's using their spider sense.

Candace: I learned from the best, Spidey!
Hot Dog Vendor: Yeah! Hot dogs for everyone, baby!
Candace: ...giant head shaped like Phineas and superheroes! But...but...but...

Linda: Oh, yes. There they are. (zoom out to reveal a comic book stand full of Spider-Man, Hulk, Thor, Iron Man and Ducky Momo comics)
Candace: Wha?
Linda: Hulk, Iron Man, Thor. All of them. I forgot you had a thing for comic books.
Candace: But but...This isn't how..Wait, where did...
Linda: You wanna join me for the rest of the tour?

Candace: No, I'd rather stay here and sulk.
Doofenshmirtz: I did it! Did anyone see that? Anyone? Anyone? No one's lookin'. Nobody's payin' attention.

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