Jim Cummings: Episode IVa: "May The Ferb Be With You". On the Desert planet of Tatooine lived two happy young moisture farmers...
Jeff "Swampy" Marsh: Uh, uh, can -- can -- excuse me, can you do it faster?
(The Stormtroopers happen upon one of the office Stormtroopers looking at a scantily-clad Twi'lek on his computer.)
Office Stormtrooper 2: Oh, uh, uh, it's work-related.
Candace: SOCKS?!?!?! This is a total waste of my potential! (frustrated grunt)
Buford: Not me. This is about where I peak.
Leia: Agent P, I need you to make sure this R2 unit goes to Obi-Wan Kenobi on Tatooine. But first, I need to record a video message. Be a dear and stand over by the bulkhead. You're kinda in my shot. (Perry walks away.)
Buford: So what color socks do you think think he wants?
Baljeet: Uh, black?
Baljeet: Huh, we are never gonna get those socks, are we?
Buford: Hey, I found a pair of socks.
Candace: Commander, Commander, there's a Rebel in a dress recording something into a droid!
C.O.: Ooh! By chance, was this droid distributing socks of any kind?
Buford: Me? I'm an argyle man.
Baljeet: Huh, I would not think that from looking at you.
Imperial Officer 2: There goes another one.
Imperial Officer 3: Hold your fire. There's no life forms. It must have short-circuited.
Candace: (offscreen) They got away! (The Stormtroopers run in.) We've got to follow them! C'mon, we'll take the other escape pod!
Baljeet: Um, Candace?
Imperial Officer 3: Mmmm, that's good coffee. Did you know this was decaf?
Imperial Officer 2: Huh, I could not tell.
Darthenshmirtz: How do you like that, Norm? My beautiful invention floating out here in space and do you think I get any credit for it?
Norm-3PO: Your invention, sir?
Baljeet; Actually, I joined the Empire by accident. I was trying to sign up for a physics camp.
Buford: Physics camp? Yeah, you're better off.
Candace: I mean, why am I still on sock detail when Gladys from Accounting got promoted to Commander, and she doesn't even know how to hold a blaster? No, I mean, really, she failed that part of the exam four times. She held it backwards and upside down. But no, she's a second cousin of some midlevel Darth, and so she gets a promotion? What about me?
♪ If they would just open their eyes, they'd see that I've got everything it takes, I could be the stormiest Stormtrooper evaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!! ♪
Stormtrooper 4: Look, sir, droids!
C.O.: No, this is a bathtub stopper.
Stormtrooper 5: Look sir, a magic flute!
C.O.: (puts his head in hand) No, that's a stick!
Linda: So, what's on the list? Another day filled with big plans? (read the list) "Herd all the nerfs into Beggar's Canyon, teach the sarlaac to brush his teeth, and giving a bantha a shower." That's awfully ambitious!
Darthenshmirtz: Norm, bring all my gear down to my lair.
Norm-3PO: You mean the abandoned recycling compartment?
Darthenshmirtz: Oh, ooh, Darth Vader! Hey, I know that guy! It's Darth Vader. Hey! (runs up to him) Hey, w-wait up, wait up! (knocks over a droid) Phew! Darth Vader! Hey look! Eh, I'm Darthenshmirtz! (trips) I'm not sure if you remember me, the Doof Star, the little nutcracker thing. And then you sorta stole my plans. (trips again) Anyway, I gotta new invention, and it's gonna knock your socks off! (trips again) I'm wondering if you could, uh, spare a little Force. I thought maybe you had a little extra lying around— (Bumps into a couple of Stormtroopers) Okay, uh, good talk.
C-3PO: Now I'm taking another oil bath. And I don't want to be disturbed. (goes down an elevator platform) Ahhh.
(Phineas sees the Leia hologram from R2-D2)
Phineas: Oh, cool! A movie.
Phineas: Okay, Mom! See ya later!
Linda: (offscreen) Don't forget your two-sun sunscreen.
Phineas: (offscreen) You're right, Ferb. And Luke's with them! Inside a—
Tusken Raider: (growls)
Phineas: Wow! It's an Imperial battle station the size of a moon! And according to these schematics, it seems to be designed specifically to destroy entire planets! Whoa, I-I never imagined the Empire would go that far! (Ferb points) Huh, you're right, Ferb. One proton torpedo in that small exhaust port and the whole thing goes blammo!
Blatto: Uh, it's like it's got a self-destruct button. What kind of idiot would design that?
Phineas: Wait, if the Rebels have this information, they might stand a chance against this thing. A small one-man fighter could penetrate the outer defense, fly along that trench, and get to the exhaust port.
Blatto: Hey, spoiler alert!!
Stormtrooper 6: Oh, crud, this is going to mean nothing but paperwork.
Cantina MC: Alright, Figrin D'an and the Modal Nodes! Not a bad set, guys. Only one death and one dismemberment. Not bad for a Wednesday.
Ponda Baba: (speaks Aqualish)
Cornelius Evazan: I don't like him either.
(Cut to two nurses carrying a dead Greedo on a stretcher.)
Nurse: Someone said he shot first, but I coulda sworn it was the other guy.
Isabella: Oh, great. What do you farm boys want?
Phineas: I'm Phineas and this is my brother, Ferb. We understand you're a pretty good pilot.
Isabella: Here's my ship, the Centennial Chihuahua.
Phineas: Why'd you call it the Chihuahua?
Candace: Fire the cannon!
Baljeet: I think the barrel end slides in here.
Buford: (to Baljeet) And you thought we were gonna die in space.
Phineas: Gosh, Ferb. Our planet looks so small from here.
Isabella: First time in space?
Isabella: You might want to buckle up. I'm makin' the jump to hyperspace!
(The ship goes to lightspeed. Phineas and Ferb crash into the windshield.)
Darthenshmirtz: Hey, check it out, Norm-3PO. According to this real estate website, my time share on Alderaan is worth, like, 10 times more than I paid for it six years ago! Oh, I knew the value would go up! It's just, it's such a peaceful place to.. (Alderaan gets destroyed by the Death Star in the background.) Wait, what? What's this? The value is totally dropping!! Zero?!?!
Phineas: Ferb and I can reroute their current to double up your power supply.
Isabella: Just keep your paws off my ship! (beat, takes out a notepad) Reroute thermal couplings.
Phineas: I wonder what our family and friends are doing back on Tatooine. It feels a little strange to be so far from them. But at least we're making new friends. Like you, Isabella.
Isabella: This is not a friendship, it's a spaceship! So don't invade mine!
Isabella: As promised, the Millennium Falcon. I should be able to catch him before he gets to that small moon.
Phineas: That's no moon.
Isabella: This had better work or you two are floating home!
Phineas: I don't think we can float all the way home. I mean, we wouldn't survive 15 seconds in the cold vacuum of spa—
Isabella: Okay, let's see if it fools them. (speaks in a "New Jersey" accent) Uh, Dockin' Bay control, ya got us cott in a track-ta beam heeyuh! Ya guys want donuts or not?
Imperial Officer Jeff: Oh, shoot! Disengaging tractor beam. (he shuts it off) Deliveries are in Docking Bay 427. You're clear to land. (to Dan) So, donuts?
Candace: Uh, Buford, I'm gonna ask you a question and I want you to think very hard before you answer.
Buford: Thinking is always hard.
Vader: I find your lack of socks disturbing.
Stormtrooper 6: Hello? Are you open yet?
Stormtrooper 7: Hope they have the old-fashioned. Those are my favorites.
Darthenshmirtz: There ought to be enough residual Force in Vader's garbage here to power it up for, y'know at least one shot.
Norm-3PO: One man's trash is another man's bad idea.
Darthenshmirtz: Ah, ah, look, Norm, you see? You put a big red "X" on the floor, people will stand there! (A trap door opens under Perry and he drops down and gets frozen in carbonite.) Human nature! Or, in this case, platypus nature.
Phineas: Split up? Really?
Isabella: Just do what you need to do fast and meet us at the Falcon!
Norm-3PO: (applauding) Very good, sir! That was better than rehearsal!
Darthenshmirtz: Alright, stay close to your comlinks, ladies, and, if all goes well, I'll have a victory number in the fourth act.
Darthenshmirtz: (to Perry the Rebelpus) But first, I'm gonna shoot you just to make sure it's safe and, uh, y'know, I don't...die or fry myself and have to wear one of those masks like Vader, cuz that would not be a good look for me.
Darthenshmirtz: Wait right here, Perry the Rebelpus. We'll be right back to turn you to the Dark Side, too, and then you, me, and...this kid in the cloak, I guess, can be the Three Sith-keteers!
Norm-3PO: Who can I be, sir?
Han Solo: We're all right now...
Candace: TK-90210 reporting for duty, sir!
Imperial Officer 5: Who is this? What's your operating number? (Han blasts the comlink and it short circuits.)
Imperial Officer 6: Aw, I was just getting into that conversation!
Candace: Finally, some real action!
Imperial Officer 5: Ah-dadadadadda! I need you to stay here and guard this post!
Candace: Serious trooper. (takes mask off seriously, then puts it back on) Happy trooper! (takes helmet off and smiles, puts it back on) Enigmatic trooper. (takes helmet off and looks enigmatic, puts it back on) Sad trooper...
Candace: Hey, that's coming out of my salary!
Darthenshmirtz: Come here, boy, come here, that's it. Come on. (The dianoga swims up to him) That's it. Now, now, whatta ya got for Papa there? Ooh, is that Darth Vader's inhaler? Nice! Now we're talkin'! And what's this? This looks like a perferctly good bantha-cheese hoagie. Well, it's not good anymore. It's been underwater. Wow! According to this, it's reeking with Dark Force! Vader must've touched it. Put it in here. What else have you got for me? (The dianoga takes Luke.) That's not trash, dummy, that's a guy! Just put him back, I've got enough. Man, you can lead a dianoga to garbage but you can't make him think.
(Cut to outside. Doof walks out with the bag.)
Darthenshmirtz: Okay, come on, Norm-3PO, let's go make some Sith happen.
Imperial Officer 7: You know, I'm thinking about getting a saxophone.
Imperial Officer Wayne: Huh, good for you.
Candace: Why would you save me? You're a Rebel.
Phineas: You were in trouble. I couldn't just leave ya hanging...literally.
(A blaster goes off)
Candace: Buford! Watch where you're shooting that thing!
Isabella: (to Phineas) You're either really brave or really stupid!
Phineas: Isabella, you've gotta take the disc back to R2. I'll go find Ferb.
Isabella: If I leave, I am not coming back!
Phineas: What is that? It looks like it was built by... (A cloaked figure drops down. Phineas knows who it could be.) Ferb?
(Ferb takes the hood off his cloak to reveal he now has Darth Maul-style makeup on his face.)
Rebel Officer 1: Oh no!
Rebel Officer 2: What?
Darthenshmirtz: Alright, someone's getting a lightsabering now! Oh, it's, uh, just a flashlight. I must have left my lightsaber in the camping equipment. (holds flashlight under his chin) Ooh, ooh, look, I'm scary—whatever.
Phineas: Ferb, this isn't you! We're brothers!
Phineas: Oh, we're allowing modifications, huh? Gimme a sec.
Candace: Um, I was just thinking, we're the good guys, right?
Baljeet: Yes, I believe so.
Baljeet: Of course. The Rebels are always the bad guys.
Buford: What about Robin Hood?
Candace: And didn't we just blow up a planet?
Baljeet: Hmm, yes, that is sort of difficult to justify...morally.
Darthenshmirtz: (maniacal laughter) You're over there and I'm over here and never the twain shall meet. So I guess you're just gonna have to give up. (Perry takes a grappling hook out of his uniform.) Oh, I-I see, you're gonna swing across like a monkey-man. (pounds on his chest) Hoo-hoo-hoo! Me swingy-swingy monkey-man! Go ahead, knock yourself out. There's no way you got enough cable to reach that. (The grappling hook latches onto Doof's uniform.) Oh, I see what you were trying to— Yaaah! (Both Perry and Doof fall and get caught on another platform.) Ow! No no no! (They crash through a wall.)
Gretchen: Hey, look! It's Isabella! Isabella, you've joined the Rebellion?
Isabella: Not by a long shot.
Isabella: What happened, Solo? Garbage scow tip over and dumped you here?
Han: What are you doing here, Isabella? Did someone run out of cupcakes?
Isabella: I'm not in this to make friends.
Han: Yeah. Obviously.
Isabella: Eh, the Wookiee is right.
Darthenshmirtz: (after getting frozen in carbonite) Ow! I've got such an ice cream headache!
Phineas: Don't shoot him! He's my brother!
Candace: Your brother's a Sith warrior?!
Darthenshmirtz: Hey, you're gonna stretch out the elastic.
Candace: Now I really wish I'd bought the three-pack!
Darthenshmirtz: Oh, man. I really should have ray-shielded that.
(A shadowy figure comes in. He unhoods himself as Buford wearing the now deceased Obi-Wan's robe.)
Buford: Found this perfectly good robe lying around. Has one hole, right here. Hey, look what else I just found! My hoagie!
Darthenshmirtz: You think maybe you could turn this thing over? All the blood's rushing to my head.
Phineas: Hey, it's Luke! They must've got the plans! He should hit that exhaust port no problem. I mean it's as practically as big as a womp rat! (beat) Yeah, we should probably get outta here.
Baljeet: My only regret is that I spent so much time on the wrong side.
Buford: My only regret is that I ate that hoagie.
Phineas: Wow, that was close! Thanks for coming back to get us, Isabella.
Isabella: Well, that's what friends are for.
Major Hologram: Ah, Agent P, with you stopping Darthenshmirtz, and the Rebellion destroying the Death Star, this day will be long remembered. Apparently, there are still copies of the Death Star plans out there so, we still might have a teeny problem there, but, heh, we'll blow up that battle station when we come to it. Hologram out!
Darthenshmirtz: Ha ha! So long, Perry the Platypus! Now I can live to fight in the sequel! (He goes into the escape pod laughing) Eh. I probably should have thought this one through better. I didn't realize the escape pod would be Platypus-sized. Plus, I'm sitting on my keys.
Phineas: The Wookiee is right! Let's party!
Vanessa: All right, boys, let me hear some of that Rebel bass!
Isabella: Hey, farm boy. We're not related, are we?
Phineas: Oh, no, no, no. Not a chance. I only have just the one sister.
Porkins: (parachuting in) Hey, look, everyone, I'm okay! (crash!)
Gretchen:: Way to ruin the moment, Porkins!