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Phineas and Ferb Interrupted/Transcript

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(Scene starts with Candace talking to Stacy on the phone)
Candace: (on the phone) That's what going steady is, Stacy! Jeremy and I aren't really engaged. But we're totally engaged to be engaged to be engaged. And by the way, that's on a "need-to-know" basis. Oh, why would Jeremy need to know?
Linda: Hey hon, I was just reading this article about mothers and daughters, and really listening to your teen. And I realized I've hardly seen you all summer, so for the whole day today, it's you and me. Whatever you want to do, I'm all yours. Anything at all.
Candace: Wait a minute, anything? (on the phone) Stacy, I'll call you back.

(Phineas and Ferb are eating popcorn)
Isabella: Hi guys! Whatcha doin'?
Phineas: Watching grass grow.
Isabella: (giggles) No, really. Whatcha doin'?
Phineas: Did you know that the secret of success for grass growth is establishing a regular fertilizer schedule? We can make you a copy.
Isabella: Um... I'm good.
Baljeet: Hello! Greetings from the thing with two heads! (silence) Nothing? (sighs)
Buford: I told you sight gags were cheap.
Isabella: They're watching grass grow.
Buford: What, with like a super growth formula or somethin'?
Isabella: Oh, that must be it. That's it, right?
Phineas: Well, no. Grass is already so interesting, why bother?
Candace: Come on, mom! Let's set up! I can't wait to see your face when they get going. Just watch.
(silence)
Linda: You want me to bust them now?
Candace: Give it a few minutes.
Isabella: Hey, what's that?
Phineas: Lint roller. (rolls it over Ferb) Platypus hair. Hmm, that reminds me. Where's Perry?
(Perry arrives)
All but Ferb: Oh there you are, Perry!
(Phineas rolls it again over Ferb)
Baljeet: Um, can we up the action a bit here?
Phineas: Okay. Ferb.
(Ferb brings out another roller and the two roll it)
Buford: If this keeps up, you're gettin' back in the shirt!
Linda: How about... Now?
Candace: Hold on. (approaches them) What are you guys up to?
Phineas: Just enjoying the wonderful world of lint.
Candace: Come on, who do you think you're foolin'?
Phineas: Nobody. (rolls it again)
Candace: What the heck is wrong with these two?
Buford: It's like they were hit with a Dull-and-Boring Ray.
(Perry's eyes widen, and slowly crawls to his hideout)

Carl: Okay, Agent P, I've got the surveillance tape from earlier today.
Doofenshmirtz: (on the video, singing in the bathroom) ...Egg-laying, mammal of action... Doo doo doo doo...
Carl: I'll fast forward.
Doofenshmirtz: (on the video) Perry the Platypus? (gets kicked) Aaaah!
(fast forward)
Behold! The Dull-and-Boring Inator!
(fast forward)
(Perry destroyed the Inator) Curse you, Perry the Platypus!
(rewind and pause, revealing that the Inator fired before it was destroyed)
Carl: Wow, who knew? Sure hope you didn't hit an innocent civilian.

Candace: Why aren't they doing anything? I've got a golden opportunity here and I don't wanna blow it! Hehhehh... (waves at Linda)
Isabella: Guys, what would you rather do? Watch paint dry or lasso wild dolphins and ride em' across the high seas?
Phineas: What color paint? Can it be beige? (keeps talking)
Isabella: (gasps) This can't be happening! Baljeet, you speak boring. See if you can do anything.
Baljeet: (offended) Oh, I speak boring! And getting your Whittling patch is so exciting!
Buford: Meow. Catfight!
Baljeet: So, nice weather we are having.
Phineas: You know, I was just saying to Ferb that the atmosphere pressure seems a bit low today which would suggest cloudy skies, yet it's completely sunny. Although, it would be interesting to take an exact barometric reading.
(Baljeet gets bored, in trance)
Did you know that while meteorologists used millibars to chart atmospheric pressure, a barometer has a second scale or ring which reads in hectopascals? Of course, it doesn't matter what measure you choose when your barometer doesn't have its sensory range factory set... (continues talking)
(Baljeet gets "hypnotized")
Isabella: Oh no! Baljeet's in trouble. I've got to get him out of there. (pulls Baljeet) Baljeet, focus! Come back.
Phineas: ...Apparently, you could get your drawings from the Internet, which has a wealth of...
Baljeet: I have never gone so far into deep dull before. (hears Buford talking) Save... Buford...
Buford: ...and temperature is the perfect balmy 75°. (Isabella slaps him) Whoa! Thanks, Isabella.
Phineas: And so, all in all, I would say it's great weather we're having.
Candace: Houston, we have a problem.

Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!
(Perry arrives)
Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus? I mean, I wasn't crying... And what are you doing here anyway? What, destroying my Dull-and-Boring Inator once wasn't enough for you? Wait, what were you... Wait, you're fixing it? You ARE fixing it... Oh, you've had a change of heart! How wonderful! Go ahead, rebuild it, Perry the Platypus. Actually, you're doing it all wrong, if you put it together that way, it will be the reverse of a Dull-and-Boring Inator. It would be a Dynamic-inator which would make people more interesting. (gasps) Oh, I get it! We shoot me with the Dynamic-inator, I become more interesting and everyone else becomes duller by comparison. Oh, that's brilliant! I'm so glad I thought of it! Let's build it, come on, let's go.

Candace: Okay. This is your pile of buildy stuff. This is what you liked to do before you became boring. Now take this. (hands hammer to Ferb) Well? Let's get this thing going! Do your stuff! You, here! (hands a plank and spring to Phineas)
Phineas: A funny fact about springs...
Candace: Phineas, come on! What is wrong with you guys?
Linda: Candace?
Candace: Mom...
Linda: How about if I go get some lunch and bring it back for us?
Candace: No, no, no, stay, stay! I'm really enjoying this quality time with you. (kisses her)
Linda: Me too, sweetie!
Candace: Are they doing anything yet?
Baljeet: No, but we did find this blueprint.
Phineas: Hey... I know what we're gonna do today!
(everyone smiles)
We're gonna watch golf on television!
Candace: What? Okay, we got to jump-start these guys.


Doofenshmirtz: We make a great team, don't we? I think we make a great team, do you think we make a great team? (Perry continues fixiing the machine without a glance at Doofenshmirtz) Yeah, you do. I can tell.


(Song: Blueprints)
Baljeet: With these blueprints we can make a mighty tower,
Isabella: With these blueprints we can mold a chocolate ball!,
Buford: With these blueprints we can forge enormous yo-yos,
Buford and Candace: With these prints we can build anything at all!


Doofenshmirtz: We've got blueprints, glorious blueprints!
They give us endless potentialities!
We could build an android porcupine,
bionic hearts for Valentines,
or giant dogs with artificial fleas!


Candace: 'Cause we've got blueprints!
Baljeet, Buford, Candace, Isabella: Glorious blueprints!

Doofenshmirtz: They make the things we dream reality!

Baljeet, Buford, Candace, Isabella: We can build jet powered water wings,
a catapult with mattress springs,
and practically anything you see!

Candace, Isabella, Baljeet, Doofenshmirtz, Buford: We've got one prints, two prints,
nothing we can't do prints!
Three prints, four prints,
everyday it's more prints!
Five prints, six prints,
nothing we can't fix prints!
Big prints, small prints,
make anything at all prints!

There's nothing we can't do,
as long as they're blue!
So get some hammers and nails,
and buckets and pails!
So grab a two-by-four,
'Cause we've got blueprints galore!
We've got a lot of work to do!
Baljeet: With these prints that are blue!

(revealed a small object made from a blueprint)
Buford: It seemed bigger when we were singin'.
Baljeet: Do the two little lines mean feet or inches?
Linda: Hi kids, did you build a little castle? That's adorable. Candace, should I do it now? (acting) Boys! You are SO busted! Feel the burn!
Phineas: I've always liked pointing.
Linda: Me too, sweetie. Well I'm going inside to make some snacks. Any requests?
Phineas: Ooh, plain oatmeal.
Candace: Wait, no, mom! Grrrrr! The one time it actually could've worked! But no, they had to be boring! And we had to build a stupid, worthless, ridiculous... (steps on the object which is actually a rocket and she flies around) AAAAAAHHH!!
Baljeet: I told you I knew what I was doing!
Candace: (continues to fly) AAAAAAHHH!!
Isabella: Hurry! There's no time to lose!
Phineas: (being carried by Buford) Hey Ferb, did you ever notice that the sidewalk is filled with little sparky bits? Buford: Tune it out, big guy!

Candace: (flying in circles) Stupid... New age... Parenting... Articles... AAAAHH! Get me down from here, I can't control this thing!
Isabella: She's in some sort of holding pattern.
Baljeet: Good, we will just wait here and eventually, the fuel will run out. (Isabella and Buford look at him) Ohh... And she will plummet to...yeah...
Buford: Maybe we should get a ladder.

Doofenshmirtz: Yes! The Dynamic-inator is finished! And I couldn't have done it without you, new partner. Now if you'll be kind enough to point it to my face and blast me, I'll be the most fascinating and charming person in the Tri-State area! And then maybe we'll go to a movie or something.
(Perry shakes his head)
What do you mean no? Hand me the remote!
(Perry shakes his head)
Oh, Perry the Platypus, look at us! We're fighting over the remote like an old married couple! Hahaha. It's not cute. And I have a remote too; I'm going to get my own talk show!
(Perry pressed the button)
What are you... You're pointing it at the suburbs! My face is over here.
(both are pressing buttons)
I want you to shoot me. Hey, stop that! OH, you're just so difficult sometimes!

Isabella: Phineas, Candace's fuel is running out! You have to think of a way to save her!
Phineas: We love thinking. In fact, we were just thinking about how much we loved the flavor of water. And how come there's no water-flavored ice cream.
Baljeet: Actually, that would be because...
Isabella and Buford: (before he finishes) Baljeet!

Doofenshmirtz: Fine! Point it wherever you want, baby. I'll be there. (crawls onto the machine so that it would hit him when it fired) Say hello to the new dynamic... (Perry hits him with an uppercut)
(the Dynamic-inator activates)

Phineas: ...and that in a nutshell, is the history of checkers. But it's far from the first board game, in fact...

(the Dynamic-inator gets destroyed)

Isabella: Phineas, Candace is going to fall and only you can save her!
Phineas: Okay, we have some wood, some springs, and some tubing, but none of those things will break her fall.
Isabella: Come on, guys! Do what you do better than anybody else! Get creative!
Phineas: (eyes narrow and takes a position of thinking, as does Ferb) Creative...
Candace: AAAAAHH!
Isabella, Baljeet and Buford: (at different times) Come on, guys! Let's go! You can do it! Come on guys!
Candace: Phineas, help me!
Buford: I still think we should get a ladder.
Phineas: (the effects of the Dull-and-Boring Inator wear off) No, that would be... Boring. Wait a minute... I know what we should've done today! Ferb, grab some wood! Isabella, hammer and nails! Buford, lift something heavy! Baljeet, lift something light! The day is still young! Hang on, Candace, we're coming for you!
Candace: AAAAAHH!! Hang on to what?

Doofenshmirtz: You never meant to work with me, did you, Perry the heartbreaker? Yes, go. Go back to your agency with their...Their uncool acronyms! Just remember, we once had something special!

Candace: It's running out... And my foot is slipping... (falls) Aaaahh... Huh? (realizes she landed on a giant slide)

(Song: Gotta Make Summer Last)
Summer, I love summer,
Give me that summer time...

(in the middle of the song)
Phineas: (sighs) It's good to be back.
Ferb: Yes, yes it is.

Candace: AAAAAHHH!! (lands on a soft cushion)
All: Yes! Yeah! Wooohoo!
Phineas: Nice work, gang!
Candace: No, not nice work. You humiliate me all day long by being boring, then you think you could make up for that by giving me a super fun ride on the world's greatest crazy slide? (pause) Okay, you get a pass for saving my life. Maybe there's a little time for mom and me to get our toes done.
(back home) Mom, mom!
Phineas: Oh, there you are, Perry.
Candace: Mom! (opens the door and sees Linda in a Broadway costume)

(Song: Snacks)
Linda: What do you do when hunger attacks?
Fill your stomach up to the max,
So, not talking Tuff Gum,
Don't ever shrink from
How would you like some snacks?
(Snacks!)
Buford: Wow, it's like your mom was hit by a Dynamic Ray or something.
(Perry's eyes widened again and slowly backs away)

(at DEI building, Perry knocks at the door with tools with him)
Doofenshmirtz: Really?

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