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Phineas and Ferb Musical Cliptastic Countdown Hosted by Kelly Osbourne/Transcript

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Part I

Announcer: From the PFT Studios in still moderately charming and majestic downtown Danville, it's—
Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, yeah, we know the drill. We've hosted before. (pointing to Major Monogram) He's good, I'm evil, blah blah blah.
Major Monogram: I, for one, am excited to be here.
Doofenshmirtz: I'm all tingly! I've actually got butterflies in my sto—
Announcer: Let me finish my introduction! Welcome to Phineas and Ferb's Musical Cliptastic Countdown Hosted by...Kelly Osbourne! (Timpani drum plays as Doof and Monogram get questionable looks on their faces.) And now, here's our host: She's a singer, an actor, a fashionista du jour, Kelly Osbourne!
(Massive applause. Pan on the audience, which includes Millie and Holly. A live-action Kelly appears on the stage next to Doof and Monogram.)
Kelly Osbourne: Hi, everybody! What'cha doin'? I have always wanted to say that. I am so excited to be here. I promise you guys, this is gonna be a rockin' show full of surprises. And anyone who knows anything about me, they know that I absolutely LOVE Phineas and Ferb! And being a singer myself, I love love LOVE the songs.
Doofenshmirtz: Wai-wai-wai-, w-what's goin' on here?! We are the hosts!
Major Monogram: Yeah, and, uh, aren't you a little too three-dimensional to host an animated show, young lady?
Kelly Osbourne: Yes. Yes, I am. But I'm doing it anyway, so just deal with it.
Doofenshmirtz: But w-we have hosting contracts and everything!
Kelly Osbourne: Did you read your contract?
Doofenshmirtz: Nobody reads them, they're like a hundred pages long and pages 2 through 99 are useless, like, like parsley on a dinner plate. Nobody eats it. Y'know, if they're gonna put stuff on your plate that y-you're not gonna eat, why not make it something useful, like a-like a keychain or, or gold doubloons.
Kelly Osbourne: Dude, why are you rambling on about parsley? You're bringing the entire energy of the show down! Maybe you guys can be my co-hosts!
Doofenshmirtz: Co-hosts? I don't like the sound of that. Sounds like a demotion.
Kelly Osbourne: Enough of you two. (to the audience) You guys ready? Let's get this party started! (applause) There were so many songs to pick from, I mean, just take a look at all of them.
(She points to the screen behind her, which shows practically all of the songs that have been on the show.)
Major Monogram: Wow, that is a lot of songs.
Kelly Osbourne: You guys voted and now we're gonna rock the top 10! Here's number 10!

(Song #10: Candace Party)

Guy: Is this the Phineas and Ferb party?
Guy #2: Sure is.
Guy: Phineas and Ferb parties rule! (all cheering)
Candace: It's not their party, it's my party! And it's not a party, it's an intimate get together. (Shattering) (Gasps) What was that? Put that down, pardon me, use a napkin! What's my science teacher doing here?
Teacher: I never miss a Phineas and Ferb party!
Candace: First of all, it's not a party, but if it were a party, it would not be their party, it would be MY PARTY!
Party members: Candace party! Candace party!
Candace: It's not a party, it's an intimate get together!
Party members: Candace party! Candace party!
Candace: Don't call it that, it's just a get together!
Party members: Candace party! Candace party!

Candace: Don't spill your drink
Don't drop your food
Don't make the music in the house go boom

Hey, don't use my mom's good scissors
And please stay out of my room!

Take your feet off the chair
No running in the house
Put a coaster under that drink
Hey, these tchotchkes aren't for juggling
And that's a toilet, not a sink!

Candace: It's not a party, it's an intimate get together
Party members: Candace party! Candace party!
Candace: Don't call it that, it's just a get together
Party members: Candace party! Candace party!

(the phone rings)
Phineas: Hi, Mom! What? WHAT?! I'm sorry, I can't hear you over Candace's intimate get together!
Jeremy: Candace party!

Candace: Hey, what's this in this fishbowl?
I said don't play with the remote!
Hey close the door, were you born in a barn?
Which one of you brought this goat?

Candace: It's not a party, it's an intimate get together!
Party members: Candace party! Candace party!
Candace: Don't call it that, it's just a get together!
Party members: Candace party! Candace party!
Candace: We're talking I to the N to the T-I-M-A-T-E get together!
Party members: Whaaaat?
Candace: I to the N to the T-I-M-A-T-E get together!
Party members: That's right!
Candace: It's not a party...

(Kelly waves and blows a kiss to the camera.)
Doofenshmirtz: (groans) Demoted to co-host.
Kelly Osbourne: I've been a co-host before and I had a blast doing it!
Doofenshmirtz: Well, goody gumdrops for you!
Major Monogram: Don't worry, Kelly. I am totally down for being second banana.
Doofenshmirtz: Well, first of all, that's a little sad. But, second of all, technically, you would be third banana. It would go: Kelly, and then me, and then you. And, ih, I would be second banana.
Kelly Osbourne: Nobody is a banana, because there are no bananas!
Major Monogram: Yes, we have no bananas!
Kelly Osbourne: Here's the song rolling in at number 9!

(Song #9: Come Home Perry)

Phineas: Excellent. From the top of this building, everyone in the Tri-State Area should be able to hear us.

(Ferb starts playing the guitar)
Phineas: Perry, you know you are a boy's best friend
You're more than just a passing trend
You're like a treat from a candy store

Oh, Perry, we love you more than ice cream cakes
We love you more than bugs and snakes
We love you more than all things mentioned before

Oh, Perry, you're extraordinary
You're kinda short and hairy
The color of a blueberry
Phineas, Ferb, and Isabella: Yes, Perry

All: So come home, Perry
Come home, Perry, come home

(Candace arrives)
Phineas: Hey, Candace, why don't you sing one?

Candace: Um... Oh, Perry, I think its kinda scary
I can't find you any where-y
It fills me with despair-y?

Oh, Perry, I'm allergic to dairy
I'm gonna move to the prairie,
And change my name to Larry

Phineas: Larry?
Candace: I ran out of rhymes, all right?

Crowd: She'll change her name to Larry!
Phineas: Larry!

All: So, come home, Perry,
Come home, Perry, come home

So, come home, Perry
Come home, Perry, come home

Come home, Perry, come home

(Perry chatters)
Candace: Oh, there you are, Perry.
Phineas: Perry!
(Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, Baljeet and the Fireside Girls hug Perry)
Buford: (Comes and takes Candace's microphone) Good job, Larry.
Candace: Welcome home.

Kelly Osbourne: This is going to be a fantastic countdown! Um, just one thing, guys. We seriously have to do something about It's just not working.
Major Monogram: Uh, really?
Kelly Osbourne: You look a bit, like, stiff and-and uniformy. Right, guys?
Major Monogram: Uniformy? Is that even a word?
Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, "uniformy." If you look it up, there's a picture of you.
Kelly Osbourne: You're one to talk.
Doofenshmirtz: What?
Kelly Osbourne: I mean that whole laboratory look was was never in, I mean, even if you are an "evil scientist". You should try a cape.
Doofenshmirtz: A cape? Where am I gonna get a cape at this hour?
Major Monogram: You could try a Nehru jacket.
Kelly Osbourne: Well, go and get changed then.
Doofenshmirtz: (leaving with Monogram) If I could get a Nehru jacket, I could get a cape.
Kelly Osbourne: (shakes head) Men. While my co-hosts go backstage and bring their fashions into this century, here's song 8.

(Song #8: I'm Me)

(The Pizzazzium Infinionite tube bounces into a warehouse inside the mall where Vanessa follows it. She and Ferb constantly chase the Pizzazium and she finally ends up with it.)

Vanessa: I can do it, I can run, I can hunt you down
You can try but you can't stop me 'cause I'm gainin' ground
I'm light on my feet and I'm quick to the punch
I had a heavy breakfast but a real light lunch

I'm a raging bonfire, a cherry bomb, I'm me

I'm rough-and-tumble, I'm the one to beat,
I'm a fresh coat of blacktop burnin' at your feet
I've got a poisonous sting, when I rain I pour
I'm the best of the best, I'm the soup du jour

I'm smooth as glass and sharp as a tack, I'm me
I'm the last and best stick of gum in the pack, I'm me

I'm a strong woman, fast-talkin', big bad dog-walkin',
Hifalutin', drum-beatin', foot-stompin', corn-poppin',
Speedy locomotive that just won't stop!
I'm a hot apple pie with a cherry on top!

I'm a crowd-pleasin', head-spinnin',
Winnin' in the ninth inning, ,
Whip-lashin', record-smashin',
Black-tie party-crashin'
Cyclone of fun, I'm an army of one!
I'm strawberry sprinkles on a hot cross bun!

I'm a big haymaker in a title fight
I'm a cute black kitten with a nasty bite
I'm an action double-feature on a Friday night!

I'm me!
I'm me!
I'm me!
I'm me!
I'm me!

Kelly Osbourne: Okay, let's keep rocking and get rol—
Doofenshmirtz: (offscreen) Wa-wa-wait!
Major Monogram: Yeah, hold the boat.
(Doof and Monogram come back onstage dressed up like Kelly, right down to her purple hair.)
Doofenshmirtz: Mind you, this does not mean in any way, shape, or hair color, that I am your co-host. I-I'm just sayin'.
Kelly Osbourne: Wow! Now I know what I would look like if I had middle-aged male clones.
Major Monogram: Oh, I can't believe I let myself get talked into this. It's embarrassing and, if I'm being honest, a bit drafty.
Doofenshmirtz: Ah, just go with it, Francis. (to Kelly) Hey, l-look at this! Strike a pose! Look, look, look, I'm vo—
Kelly Osbourne: Vogueing?! I love vogueing! It's so '90's!
Major Monogram: I was a bit of a secret voguer myself.
Kelly Osbourne: Really?
Doofenshmirtz: It wasn't a secret.
Kelly Osbounre: You know what we should do then? Strike a pose.
(The crowd goes wild while Osbourne, Doof and Monogram vogue it out.)
Doofenshmirtz: Vogue. Vogueing. That's it. Look it up, kids. That's what the internet is for.
Major Monogram: That was fun! Great idea, Kelly.
Kelly Osbourne: Thank you.
Doofenshmirtz: But, but, vogueing was my idea! I started to say "vogueing" and you just cut me off right before when I just got "vo" out. Y'know, I— (to Monogram) What did you think I was gonna say? Vociferous? What other words start with "vo"?
Major Monogram: Give it a rest, Heinz. (to Kelly) He's always like this.
Doofenshmirtz: That's it! That is it! You will rue the day that you demoted Heinz Doofenshmirtz to co-host! (he leaves)
Kelly Osbourne: Hmm. You know what that means?
Major Monogram: I think I do.
Kelly Osbourne: (singsongy) More hosting for us!
Major Monogram: All right! Here's a little ditty I like to call "Song Number 7"!

(Song #7: A-G-L-E-T)

(Crowd cheering)
Phineas: Through the eye of the needle
Time to loosen your tongue
Got a tip how to make ends meet
All: A-G-L-E-T
Don't forget it
Phineas: Get's us all up on our feet, yeah, yeah, yeah
All: A-G-L-E-T
(Aglet!) Don't forget it (X6)
Phineas: We're gonna tie the world together (X4)
One word at a time!
Phineas: (On P.A) Ladies and Gentlemen, my sister, Candace Flynn!
Candace: And in the end of most important thing
Is that we never forget
The end of a shoelace is called the...
The... uh... Wait a minute! It doesn't matter! I can't believe I was almost sucked into this!

Kelly Osbourne: Are you guys having as much fun as I am? (crowd cheers)
Major Monogram: Yes! Now that I'm back in my old clothes, uniformy or not. I predict the Nehru jacket will make a comeback.
Kelly Osbourne: Mmm. Not gonna happen.
Major Monogram: Oh.
Kelly Osbourne: But you know what is gonna happen? Song number 6!

(Song #6: City of Love)

Isabella: So Phineas, what do you think of the City of Love?
Phineas: I wish it was the City of Airplane Parts.
Isabella: Oh, you're just too stressed. You should take a moment to relax and enjoy it.

We could share a crêpe sucrée
At this Parisian café
Phineas: Huh. That awning could be used as a sail. Or, you know, a parachute. Depending on how things go.
Isabella: Take a break and smell these flowers
Underneath the Eiffel Tower
Phineas: I wonder if they still have pieces of that hanging around? The rivets would come in handy.
Isabella: Oh, Phineas...

Won't you share a crème brûlée with me?
Phineas: Hey, look at that nifty little blow torch!
Isabella: How perfect could this be
In the City of Love?
Couples: (In the City of Love)
Isabella: In the City of Love
Ferb: (In the City of Love)

Isabella: We could try some fancy cheese
Or peruse the galleries
Phineas: I wonder if oil-based paint is a rocket fuel.
Isabella: Isn't this a perfect day?
How do I look in this beret?
Phineas: Oh, that reminds me, we might need helmets!

Isabella: Oh, how can he not feel the same way
When we're strolling down the Champs-Élysées
In the City of Love?
Lady: (In the City of Love)
Couples: In the City of Love

Isabella: I wish that he would whisper "ma chérie, je t'aime"
But all he wants to do is try to fix that plane
In the City of Love
Artist: (In the City of Love)
Isabella: In the City of Love (in the City of Love)
In the City of Love.... (in the City of Love)

(The mime passes by and lets go of a balloon)
Vendor: Hey you! Stop letting my balloons go!

Part II

Doofenshmirtz: Okay, little Miss Osbourne, (coming back onstage with an inator helmet on his head and a remote) prepare to say hello to your doom (Agent P appears on one of the rafters above the soundstage.) at the hands of—or, I guess in this case, in the head of—the man who is not your co-host! (Perry holds onto a rope with one hand and holds a mirror in the other.)
(Doof pushes the button. Kelly ducks. Perry swings from the rope and the ray hits the mirror and zaps Doof making him disappear.)
Kelly Osbourne: Wow. That was close.

(Cut to the Baby alien's dimension. Doof appears in the crib.)
Doofenshmirtz: Wait. Was that Perry the Platypus? Great. They're probably letting him host the show.

(Cut back to the studio. Perry drops down and lands onto the stage.)
Kelly Osbourne: Everyone welcome Perry! (massive applause) Oh my gosh, this day just keeps getting better and better! You know, I was hoping you'd stop by. Do you...Do you want to introduce the next song?
(Perry chatters)
Kelly Osbourne: Let me translate for you guys. What I believe he just said was, "Swinging in at number 5 is..."

(Song #5: Summer (Where Do We Begin?))

Phineas (2nd Dimension): Summer... It sounds dangerous, yet oddly compelling. What is it?
Phineas: What is summer? Man, where do I begin?

Phineas: The days are longer, The nights are shorter, The sun is shining
Ferb: It's noticeably warmer
Phineas: Summer, every single moment is worth its weight in gold
Summer, it's like the world's best story and it's waiting to be told
It's ice cream cones and cherry soda dripping down your chin
It's summer, man, where do we begin?

Summer is ponds and pools and garden hoses, tryin' to beat the heat
Summer, bicycles and roller skates and even just bare feet
It's also... Surfing tidal waves, creating nanobots
Or locating Frankenstein's brain
Finding a dodo bird, painting a continent
Or driving our sister in...
Oh, wait. Maybe we're going too fast.

(2nd Dimension Phineas and 2nd Dimension Ferb are seen shivering)

Summer, it's crickets and cicadas and a glass of lemonade
Summer, it's sitting with your brother in the backyard under the shade of a big tree
That's what it means to me.

The days are longer
Both Phineas': The nights are shorter
The sun is shining.
Ferb (2nd Dimension): It's noticeably warmer

Phineas: Summer, every single moment is worth its weight in gold
Summer, it's like the world's best story and it's waiting to be told
It's ice cream cones and cherry soda dripping down your chin
It's summer, man, where do we begin?
It's summer, man, where do we begin?
It's summer, man, where do we begin?

Kelly Osbourne: That last song just makes me wanna move and groove, but enough about me. Because I have a surprise for everyone. (applause) A friend of mine wanted to stop by and say hi, so please, put your hands together and give a warm welcome to Maia Mitchell!
(A live-action Maia appears and waves and hugs Kelly.)
Maia Mitchell: Hi! I was watching from backstage and I could not wait to get out here! I love all the songs so far!
Kelly Osbourne: I know, right? Aren't they fun?
Maia Mitchell: Yeah, they're amazing! And, Kelly, you are doing an awesome job of hosting. Isn't she? (encourages applause) No, no, you're great! And, Major Monogram, I'm Maia. (shakes Monogram's hand)
Major Monogram: Pleasure to meet you, young lady.
Maia Mitchell: And Perry! I love you! You're my favorite, actually, because, we have something in common.
Kelly Osbourne: What's that?
Maia Mitchell: We're both from Australia.
Kelly Osbourne: (gasp) Didn't even think of that. That's so cool!
(Perry smiles and waves the Australian flag.)
Maia Mitchell: That is so cool. (giggles)
Kelly Osbourne: Maia, why don't you introduce the next song?
Maia Mitchell: I was actually waiting for you to ask me to do that.
Kelly Osbourne: Yes!
Maia Mitchell: Check it out! It's number 4!

(Song #4: Brand New Best Friend)

Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): Do I know you?
Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, I'm you from another dimension.
Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): Well that would explain the handsomeness.
Doofenshmirtz: Right back atcha, big guy.
Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): Does that mean you and I are exactly alike?
Doofenshmirtz: I suppose so.

Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): Do you want some rice pudding?
Doofenshmirtz: Blech, no, that's gross!
Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): It was a test. Almond brittle?
Doofenshmirtz: Ooh, I love it the most!
Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): Me too!

Doofenshmirtz: Do you collect coins?
Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): Yeah, just in case
Vending machines become the
Both: Dominant race!

I've been alone all these years
With my irrational fears
Doofenshmirtz: But not the vending machine thing. That's gonna happen.
Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): But now before me I see
Both: Someone with whom I agree
I've found a brand new best friend and it's me
I've found a brand new best friend and it's me

Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): Hmm, I thought I'd be taller
Doofenshmirtz: I've been told I slouch
I thought I've have both my eyes, y'know...
Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): It's in this pouch.
Doofenshmirtz: Ouch!

Doofenshmirtz: You know, I can't help but notice that your scar goes over your eyepatch.
Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): Yeah...
Doofenshmirtz: ...Nothing...

Doofenshmirtz: Do llamas weird you out?
Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): Yeah, are they camels or sheep?
Doofenshmirtz: No, no, I meant Lorenzo.
Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): Oh, that's right.
Both: He played Meap!

Now I know all about you
And you know all about me
Doofenshmirtz: Ooh-wee-ooh
Both: And now before me I see
Someone with whom I agree
I've found a brand new best friend and it's me
I've found a brand new best friend and it's me

Now that I've found you
We can be a duo
Doofenshmirtz: That's right.
Both: Twice the evil
Double Doofenshmirtz
Doofenshmirtz: Coming at you Fridays!

Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): What's that, are we doing a TV show together?
Doofenshmirtz: Oh no. It just sort of sounded like that. Well, I mean, we could. We should!
Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): Hmm, maybe we're not so much alike
Doofenshmirtz: That can be your catchphrase! You're the grumpy one. (Pokes him) Eh?

Maia Mitchell: There are so many great songs!
Kelly Osbourne: I know! What did you think about that last song, Perry?
(Perry chatters and gives a thumbs up)
Maia Mitchell: I have a...I have a confession.
Kelly Osbourne: What's that?
Maia Mitchell: I might, uh, make Perry noises when no one's looking.
Kelly Osbourne: (gasps) You're kidding! Me, too!
Maia Mitchell: You do?
Kelly Osbourne: All the time!
Major Monogram: Make that three!
Carl: Sir, I just wanted to check to see if you— (freaks out) MAIA MITCHELL!!! I'm your biggest fan! Love your voice and your work!
Maia Mitchell: Thank you so much. You're really sweet.
Kelly Osbourne: Hey, you know what? I've got an idea. Why don't we all make Perry noises together?
Maia Mitchell: Yeah!
Kelly Osbourne: You ready?
Maia Mitchell: Yeah.
Kelly Osbourne: (to Monogram) You ready? (Monogram cracks his knuckles) Okay.
(Kelly begins, followed by Maia and then Monogram and Carl.)
Kelly Osbourne: (laughs) Nobody does it better than Perry.
(Perry chatters pointing to his bill.)
Maia Mitchell: I'll never get tired of that.
Kelly Osbourne: Me neither.
Maia Mitchell: Well, sadly, I have to go.
Kelly Osbourne: No! Really?
Maia Mitchell: Yeah, but thank you so much for having me.
Kelly Osbourne: Thank you so much for stopping by!
Maia Mitchell: (hugging Kelly) Of course, my pleasure. Heh!
Kelly Osbourne: Maia Mitchell, everyone!
Maia Mitchell: (waves) Bye!
Carl: Hey, I'll walk you out!
(Carl and Maia exit.)
Major Monogram: (chuckles) Looks like someone's got a schoolboy crush.
Kelly Osbourne: You think? Anyway, let's get back to the countdown. Here's number 3.

(Song #3: There's a Platypus Controlling Me)

Doofenshmirtz: (Chuckles while sweating) Who's up for charades?
(Perry beckons Doofenshmirtz from under the table)
Perry the Platypus, what are you doing down here?
(When he reemerges, he is wearing the Devolition-ator helmet, and making a beat with the records glued to his fingers. Perry is controlling him underneath the DJ table)
Vanessa: Dad?
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, hi, Vanessa.
Vanessa: Dad, what are you doing?
Doofenshmirtz: Well, I'll be honest, I don't really understand
But I fell down this hill now I got glue on my hands
And I got records on my fingers
Teens: Whaaat?
Doofenshmirtz: Records on my fingers
I got records on my fingers and I just can't stop
Teens: Don't stop
Doofenshmirtz: I can't stop, I got a platypus controlling me
Teens: Whaaat?
Doofenshmirtz: I got a platypus controlling me
Now let me sum it up
It was a strange set of circumstances
Teens: Strange set of circumstances
Doofenshmirtz: I fell down the hill, I got glue on my hands,
Now I got records on my fingers and I just can't stop
Teens: Don't stop! Don't stop!
Doofenshmirtz: Well I would if I was able
There's a platypus controlling me, he's underneath the table
Teens: There's a platypus controlling him- Whaaat?
Teen: Oh I get it, platypus is a metaphor for whatever's keeping you down!
Teens: Like corporations are a platypus
The government's a platypus
Your teacher is a platypus
Weird Teen: My teacher is a panda

Teens: Society's a platypus
My parents are a platypus
The media's a platypus
It's all just propaganda
Yeah we all got a platypus controlling us

Doofenshmirtz: Just me
Teens: We all got a platypus controlling us
Doofenshmirtz: I'd stop if I was able
Teens: We all got a platypus controlling us
Doofenshmirtz: I'm not speaking metaphorically
the platypus controlling me is underneath the table
Wait! Oh wait, no, he's gone! Hey!
There's no platypus controlling me
There's no platypus controlling me!

Johnny: (At Vanessa) Your dad's kinda cool.
Vanessa: You're my punk-rock boyfriend! You're not supposed to think my dad is cool! (She walks over to Doofenshmirtz) It only matters that I think he's cool. (Kisses him on the cheek)
Doofenshmirtz: She thinks I'm cool!
(The crowd cheers)

Kelly Osbourne: You know what'd be really cool? To write a song so next year the song can be on the countdown!
Major Monogram: Well, as a fellow musician, I heartily agree.
Kelly Osbourne: Oh, you're a musician?
Major Monogram: Well, yes. From, uh, from time to time, I like to strum the (speaks the Hawaiian pronunciation) ukulele.
(Doof suddenly reappears.)
Doofenshmirtz: Ah!
(Crowd exclaims)
Doofenshmirtz: Uhhhh, did I miss Maia Mitchell?
Kelly Osbourne: I'm afraid so.
Doofenshmirtz: Ah, bummer. Anyway, as a musician, not as a co-host, mind you, I'd like to get in on this little songwriting thing you're about to do.
Kelly Osbourne: What do you play?
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, several things, by my instrument of choice is the kazoo.
Kelly Osbourne: You rock the kaz?
Doofenshmirtz: I do.
Kelly Osbourne: Fine! Let's start with the lyrics then. Maybe we can do some sort of a round robin kinda thing and write a line, and the next person can rhyme it.
Major Monogram: Oh, good idea. Ahem. Me first, me first. Uh, let's see. "When I wake up in the morning sun..."
Kelly Osbourne: "I realize you're the only one."
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, now it's me. "And by the moon that's, oh, so silver."
Kelly Osbourne: Dude, really?
Doofenshmirtz: What? What?
Kelly Osbourne: There's no rhyme for the word "silver".
Major Monogram: She's right.
Doofenshmirtz: No, no,"Bilver" and, and, and there's (Kelly scoffs) What, what?
Kelly Osbourne: What is a bilver?
Doofenshmirtz: It's a...water moving thingy.
Major Monogram: I believe what you're thinking of is a bilge pump.
Doofenshmirtz: Oh. I've always called it a bilver. Okay, how about this? "And by the moon that's oh, so, orange."
Major Monogram: Oy.
Doofenshmirtz: Is that better?
(Kelly rolls her eyes.)
Kelly Osbourne: See how I just rolled my eyes? Please roll clip number 2!

(Song #2: Summer Belongs to You)

Phineas: It's been a long, long day
And there were moments when I doubted
Isabella: That we'd ever reach the point
Where we could laugh and sing about it

Phineas & Isabella: Now the sun has set on this,
Another extraordinary day
And when it comes around again
You know I'll say

Tell me what you wanna do today
All we need is a place to start
If we have heart, we'll make it
'Cause we're not messin' around (we're not messin' around)

Yes we can dream it, do it, build it, make it
I know we can really take it
To the limit before the sun goes down

Phineas: As soon as you wake up you gotta make your move
Isabella: Don't miss the beat, just get into the groove
Phineas & Isabella: The sun is shinin', there's a lot that you can do (a lot that you can do)

There's a world of possibilities outside your door
Why settle for a little, you can get much more
Don't need an invitation, every day is new
Yes, it's true

Summer belongs to you (Summer belongs to you)
Summer belongs to you (Summer belongs to you)
Summer belongs to everyone, so have some fun
There's nothing better to do
Summer belongs to you

Candace: All right, I'm taking a verse.
Phineas: Be my guest!

Candace: I traveled halfway 'round the world
And almost turned and ran away
But you helped me get my courage back
So now I've got to say

That though I've often thought of you
As just a nuisance and a bother
Today I can't imagine
Having better little brothers

And you gotta believe in something
So today I believed in you
And you came through, we made it
I've never been so proud
Phineas: (never been so proud)

Candace: I know at first it seemed implausible
But we accomplished the impossible
Now there's something that I've got to say out loud

Time is what you make of it, so take a chance
Phineas: That's it!
Candace: Life is full of music so you ought to dance
Phineas: She's got it!
Candace: The world's a stage and it is time for your debut

Phineas: By Jove, I think she's got it!

Candace: Don't waste a minute sitting on that chair
Phineas: Yeah!
Candace: The world is callin' so, just get out there
Phineas: That's what I'm talking about!
Candace: You can see forever so your dreams are all in view
Phineas: Yes it's true

Phineas, Isabella & Candace: Summer belongs to you (summer belongs to you)
Summer belongs to you (summer belongs to you)
Summer belongs to everyone, so have some fun
There's nothing better to do

Phineas & Isabella: Summer belongs to you (summer belongs to you)
Summer belongs to you (summer belongs to you)
Summer belongs to boys and girls all around the world
We wouldn't say it if it wasn't true
Summer belongs to you (summer belongs to you)

(In the middle of the song)
Jeremy: Hey, Candace!
Candace: Jeremy! You came back early!
Jeremy: Well, I missed my girlfriend.
Candace: Oooh! I like the sound of that!
Jeremy: Besides you forgot something in France.
Candace: I did? What?
Jeremy: This.
(Jeremy kisses Candace)

Ferb: Baby, baby, baby, baby
Phineas & Isabella: Summer belongs to you (summer belongs to you)
Summer belongs to you (summer belongs to you)
Whatever you want to do, you make the rules
You got the tools to see it through
Summer belongs to you (summer belongs to you)

Summer belongs to you (summer belongs to you)
Just remember that you can do it and when you're through it
Will change your point of view
Summer belongs to you!
(Scene shows clips from "Rollercoaster", "The Fast and the Phineas", "Lawn Gnome Beach Party of Terror", "Unfair Science Fair Redux (Another Story)", "Flop Starz", "Mom's Birthday", and "The Baljeatles")

Part III

Kelly Osbourne: Right, guys, before we roll our last clip, I have to know something. Do you have a favorite song on the countdown?
Major Monogram: Well, I'm, uh, I'm particularly partial to number three.
Doofenshmirtz: And I like number seven, that's my lucky number. (The background starts to ripple.) It all started when I was seven years old, back in Drusselstein—
Kelly Osbourne: W-W-Wait a minute. You're doing a flashback.
Doofenshmirtz: Well, yeah, it's kinda my thing. I do a lot of these (stammers)
Kelly Osbourne: Um, we can't fit that in.
Doofenshmirtz: Well, what if I make it short?
Kelly Osbourne: We still don't have time's the moment we've all been waiting for!!! And I can't believe this, but you all picked my favorite song as the number one song! You guys have fabulous taste, I'm just saying. You guys ready? It's... Everything's Better with Perry!!!

(Song #1: Everything's Better with Perry)

(Phineas's alarm clock rings 7:00 and a mechanical arm emerges out of it and pokes a sleeping Perry awake, he chatters, waking Phineas and Ferb)

Phineas: Good morning, Perry! Now that's the way to wake up. (He hugs Perry) This is gonna be the best day ever.
(The boys get dressed and ready for the day)

We consider every day a plus
To spend it with a platypus
We're always so ecstatic
'Cause he's semi aquatic
Our Ornithorhynchus anatinus
Brings smiles to the both of us
Life's never fuddie duddy
With our web-footed buddy

When we're brushing our teeth, it's better
Tying our shoes, (Oh yeah!) it's better
Combing our hair, it's better
Like we're a cheese sandwich and he's the cheddar
Blinking our eyes, it's better
Breathing in and out, (So much better!) it's better
Sitting in a chair, it's better
And taking a bath, just a little bit wetter

Every day is such a dream
When you start it with a monotreme
He's duck-billed and he's beaver tailed and hairy
(You know that he's hairy)

Everything's better with Perry
(Everything's better with Perry)
Everything's better with Perry
(Everything's better with Perry)
Everything is better with Perry
(Everything is better)
(Everything's better with Perry)
(Everything is better with Perry)
Everything's better and we
Just want to tell you Perry
Everything's better with you
(Better with you)

(Phineas, Ferb, and Perry slide down the staircase railing and land in a pile on the floor, Perry chatters)

Kelly Osbourne: Well, this has been the most amazing day! And to quote my favorites, Phineas and Ferb, "The best day ever!"
Major Monogram: I completely concur.
Doofenshmirtz: Okay, okay, I've been reconsidering and I'm going to give in. I'm totally gonna be your co-host.
Kelly Osbourne: That's great. But—
Doofenshmirtz: So what are my co-hosting duties? What's next on the old co-hosting train I jumped aboard? What do I do?
Kelly Osbourne: Say goodbye, Dr. D.
Doofenshmirtz: That's it? Goodbye, Dr. D!
Major Monogram: Goodbye.
Kelly Osbourne: Thank you so much, everybody, that was so much fun! I'm gonna be singing these songs all day! See ya next time!
(Kelly, Doofenshmirtz and Monogram wave goodbye. The credits roll over a montage of clips from all the songs shown.)

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