Major Monogram: Well, I don't know about you guys, but I've got a good feeling about this!
Doofenshmirtz: We are sharing the space with another event!
Norm: What's wrong with that?
Carl: Sir, may I offer you one of my budget-saving hors d'oevers? It's an old family recipe: Strips of bologna and wadded out white bread.
Major Monogram: Where exactly are you from?
Parrot: Rawk! Polly wants a street fight!
Linda: Here's your stuff from the attic, Candace. I don't know why you couldn't find it.
Candace: I don't know. It must've been behind something. Heh heh.
Linda: (to Candace) Just remember, you're in charge, Miss Muffet.
Colonel Contraction: Major Monogram, I hold you personally responsible for turning one of our most sacred ceremonies into a grade A countrified debacle!
Major Monogram: Debacle?
Tour Guide: Are you folks ready for a little adventure?
Lawrence: Oh, yes, we're ready for our journey of self-discovery while crawling through the belly of the Earth.
Young Candace: (on video) Thith ith Candathe Flynn. I'm five yearth old and it wath an awethome thummer! But I didn't get to do everything I wanted. Tho I made a litht of thingth that I want Future Candathe to take care of.
Candace: Oh, that's so cute. Of course, I'll take care of those things, Past Candace!
(Perry gets trapped in foam)
Doofenshmirtz: Ha! You like that? It's a gift...foam-a me to you!
Doofenshmirtz: And to that end, I have created, tada!, my Shift-The-Earth's-Position-Further-Away-From-The-Sun-inator! Eh? I know. The name's a little cumbersome, but it's basically a tractor beam that uses the mass of Jupiter as an anchor to pull the Earth just slightly away from the sun to render my sunscreen effective. Eh. I guess my fortune cookie was right. I do tend to overcomplicate things. (picks up fortune) I wonder if that means these lottery numbers are— (gets punched)
Phineas: Well, according to the pocket barometer, the atmospheric pressure has lowered dramatically since this morning.
Buford: You checked the atmospheric pressure this morning?
Saul: Most people don't think life can survive down this deep, but most people don't know gastropods the way I do. Take a gander at this salamander. Notice anything unusual?
Major-in-Charge Carl: (to Agent P) Is that goat still eating from the inbox? (Perry nods) It's a good thing I hid the outbox.
Monty: Looks like you got a message.
Major-in-Charge Carl: It's intel from Agent Squab, our French surveillance pigeon. Hmm, there's a small shift in ambient temperature, there's civil unreasonableness at City Hall, and L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. is convening for a secret meeting?! Oh no! Why did this have to happen on my watch?!
Major-in-Charge Carl: (to the goat) Agent G, quit eating those memos and get out into the field! (to the dog) Agent D, go see what you can dig up! (to the owl) Agent O, go find out who's who! Agent Possum, play dead! (Agent Possum does so.) Excellent! (To the bear who is shredding documents) Agent B, go into the woods and...see what's out there!
Major-in-Charge Carl: Hey, Monty?
Monogram: So, uh, how'm I doin', boss?
Jeremy: Yeah, this is the part of the job I hate the most, but...
(Perry rescues Roger from the mob in his rocket car and places him on top of the roof.)
Roger: Thank you, good Samaritan platypus! (Perry leaves him there.) Although I'm not sure this is much of an improvement. I mean, I really don't know how to get down from here...and it's getting noticeably colder up here. Oh! It's a good thing I wore my sweater.
Phineas: That's odd. I can't remember a single Danville summer where I needed to wear anything more than a T-shirt.
Baljeet: But the part that perplexes me the most is that, for some reason, the sun algorithm that I created keeps coming up with the wrong result!
Rodney: Secondly, no one under any circumstances, is allowed to say "bananas for cabanas."
Dr. Bloodpudding: (offscreen) Noted.
Rodney: Gentlemen, we will now begin our takeover of...the world!
Monty: (gasps, then covers his mouth)
Phineas: Alright, Isabella, let me have it one more time.
(Cut to the backyard, where Isabella is experimenting with a tennis ball.)
(Cut to a view of the Earth, which explodes. Suddenly some end credits appear on screen, all credited to Buford. Pull out to reveal it is a computer simulation.)
Buford: And that's what would happen if we grew magnets under the Earth's core.
Phineas: Well, Baljeet, what have you got?
Baljeet: I have composed a simulation for turning the Earth's core into a gyroscope. Maybe that would... (groans)
Saul: Okay, now we're gonna squeeze past this stalactite... I mean, stalagmite. Wait, which one is on top?
Lawrence: Actually, I believe that's just a hole.
Linda: (on Saul, to Lawrence) Do you get the feeling that this might be his first time down here, too?
Rodney: There we go! With that, we've captured all of OWCA's agents.
Doofenshmirtz: Almost all of them. Remember Perry the Platypus. He's still out there somewhere.
Rodney: Soon, the world will bow to us, like Doofy's neck bows to his back.
(The other villains laugh.)
Man #2: Your fall is ruining summer.
Woman #2: You made me buy a blanket with sleeves!
Doofenshmirtz: Number 2: pretzels.
Rodney: Really? That's how you give demands?
Candace: Oh, I sure hope there aren't any spiders in here.
Rodney: Well, that was fun. (closeup to reveal Rodney and Doof carrying the grilled cheese flavored ice cream cones.) We should go get ice cream more often.
Doofenshmirtz: Didja have to order for all of us, Rodney? I'm not crazy about this new grilled cheese flavor.
Rodney: Well, what have you got to say for yourselves?
President Obama: Uh...you'll be happy to know that we've...uhhhh...met all of your demands, except for the...uhhhhhhh....pretzel thing.
Candace: Uh, Phineas, the holographic thingy shows that the Earth is moving in the wrong direction!
Candace: Maybe it needs more power. I'm increasing the burn!
(Cut to the rockets blaring. Cut back to Phineas.)
Phineas: You must have overloaded the power relay on the control panel. You're gonna have to get a spare electromagnetic coupling fuse.
Candace: (on radio) Where would I find a thing like that?
Doofenshmirtz: But this is crazy talk! I-I'm an evil scientist, not a mad scientist! Th-There's a difference! Subtle, I grant you, but, still, y'know, I don't really like the new direction this organization is taking and I think we need a little fresh air. (he walks out)
Rodney: You also need a chiropractor, Slouchy!
Monogram: (to a rat) And as an agent, you get to wear a nifty fedora. I made that one out of an old newspaper. Yes, sir, OWCA is perfect for a guy like you, but-but, sadly, not for me.
Doofenshmirtz: Francis, what happened to you? Look...y-y-y-you're a washed-up mess! This whole weather thing is your fault, you know!
Monogram: My fault?!
Monty: Wow, good work, Agent P!
Major-in-Charge Carl: Great! Now we get all his health!
Candace: Come on, Candace, you can do this! What's a couple little spiders compared to the fate of the world? (climbs back down) Oh, who am I kidding?! I need support! (She dials her phone.) Stacy, I really need your help!
Stacy: (on phone) Sorry, Candace, no can do.
Phineas: Well, what's the matter, Candace?
Candace: It's my fear of spiders. I've been trying to overcome it all day.
Phineas: Come on, you've already done so many brave things. Remember when you helped us recuse Klimpaloon? And what about that time you got that really big bird to quit pecking our house? Or when you climbed up on the motor of our baguette boat after I gave you a similar pep talk?
Candace: Yeah! You know what? You're right? (Climbs all the way up.) If I could do that, then I should be able to walk across the attic, right? It's being silly. Heck, I don't even remember what I was afraid of.
Dr. Killbot: ¡Qué lástima!
Dr. Diminutive: Wait a minute!!! (record scratch) This is the same brawl we had earlier!
Dr. Bringdown: So?
Dr. Killbot: La cabeza de medusa no es agradable ves. ("The head of Medusa is not pleasant to look at.)
Villain #5: He's right! Let's get out of here!
Phineas: Wow, I guess there are a lot of spiders up here.
Candace: In your face, arachnid!
Phineas: Candace did it, Isabella! She got the fuse!
Isabella: Um, Phineas, one of the main locking bolts came loose on the rocket, and, uh...
Rodney: Oh, this is just ridiculous! You and I should just... (points somewhere) Oh, look! A Horse in a Bookcase!
Doofenshmirtz: A what?
Candace: Why isn't this thing going in? What is it? "Righty-loosey, tighty-whitey?"
Rodney: There. I've disabled the reverse switch and the self-destruct button. So there's no—
(Rodney gets whacked by Doof with the mop.)
Doofenshmirtz: You make a pretty good fulcrum there, Rodney.
Candace: It's not moving, Phineas! It's like something's resisting our jets!
(Cut back to the gang dangling onto the rope.)
Roger: I don't know what's going on anymore.
(The inator lands in the backyard and takes the control panel with it.)
Candace: Yeah. Well, that's to be expected.
Rodney: (to Doof) See ya later, Slouchy!
Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, well y— Ugh! I can never come up with anything quick enough!
Colonel Contraction: Well, Monogram, nice work.
Monogram: Thank you, sir.
Baljeet: You really did a good job, Candace.
Candace: Yeah, and not only did we save the world, but I did everything I promised five-year-old me I'd do!
(Pull out to the Earth, which explodes and everyone dies. The end.)
(Well, not really, because the director credit for Buford appears onscreen.)