Memorable Quotes

Act One

Candace: Backyard, now!

Linda: Excuse me?!

Candace: Backyard now, please?
Linda: It sure would be helpful if they could just make the days a little longer. (chuckles) Who do I call about that?

A "ding" noise signaling an idea is heard as the bottom half of the screen is covered with an "advertisement" reading "You're Watching Television!"
Phineas: Hey, do you mind? We've kinda got a visual gag going on here.
Advertisement disappears, revealing the "ding" was actually from Ferb with a triangle

Phineas: Thank you!
Captain: This is your captain speaking. We're expecting a slight delay for arrival in Tokyo.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Ah, it's always something. Turbulence, headwind, giant jump-roping robots...

Robot: I dangle, therefore I am.
Mom: Basically, if you're really in charge, you won't need to call at all. You see, if the boys are doing something bust-worthy, that means you're not doing your job, and you would be in trouble, too.

Candace: Whoa whoa, heavy. By busting the boys, I bust myself?

Lawrence: Ah, there's the rub....right next to the pair of ducks! I'm also packing this book of puns.
Buford: It can't be done! There's only twenty-four hours in a day and that's that!

Phineas: Well, yes and no. You see, Buford, if you define the day by the passage of the sun, and we follow the sun by travelling around the...

Buford: Nah, nah! Don't try to confuse me with your sorcerous ways. There's nothin' I've ever seen that would make me believe you could pull this off. Except for that time-machine thing, and oh, and the rollercoaster! But other than that, nothin'! Oh, and the time you played that song when the platypus came back, oh... Man, nature just bends to your will, doesn't it?
Buford: Yeah, I bet you, and if you lose you gonna have to stand up in front of everyone and say that you are governed by the laws of physics and summer is not whatever you want to make of it. And what´s more, you gotta spend the rest of your summer doing nothing!

Phineas: And what happens when we win?
Buford: Mmm... I'll eat a bug.
Phineas: Buford, you'd eat a bug right now if we asked.
Buford: Are you asking?
Phineas: No.
Buford: All right, how about I give back your bike I took when we were little?
Phineas: My bike!
Flashback with Baby Phineas riding a bike
Baby Phineas: Bu gaga gu...
Baby Buford: Mine!

Baby Phineas: No bu gaga gu.
Carl: Major Monogram isn't here right now, but he left this note. (imitating Major Monogram's voice while reading the note) "Dear Carl, I haven't been kidnapped so don't come looking for him. I mean me." Kinda weird though, that he took the time to cut each letter out of a magazine. (reveals the note and the rest says "you can presume I'm on vacation and undercover") Anyhoos, Doof is on vacation with his daughter in Tokyo right now which is where the annual good guy convention is being held, and Major Monogram is the key-note speaker. Coincidence? ... A-hundred percent yes, so I guess you've got the day off.
Candace: Well, you know how Jeremy's in France for another week?

Stacy: Yeah, so?
Candace: Do you know what they have in France?
Stacy: The pyramids?
Candace: No! French girls!
Stacy: Come on, Candace. Everybody knows that you and Jeremy are an item.
Candace: Not officially... He's never even called me his girlfriend. We've never even kissed! That means Jeremy's single, in Paris, and surrounded by French girls. I'm no fool, Stacy, I've seen the oil paintings.
Stacy: Candace, you got to believe in yourself. What do French girls have that you don't have?
Candace: At the moment, Jeremy.
Stacy: Candace, if you want him to call you his girlfriend, maybe you should call him your boyfriend.
Candace: I can do that? I can use the B-word first?
Stacy: Sure, why not?
Candace: Oh, and Stacy, pyramids? Really?

Stacy: Oh, right. That's Belgium, isn't it?
Vanessa: I can't believe you've brought work with you.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: What do you mean?
Vanessa: Dad, you've got some guy tied up here.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: No, no, Vanessa. We've got some guy tied up here.
Major Monogram: I've got a name, you know.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: All right. Vanessa, Major Monogram. Major Monogram, Vanessa. There, you happy now?
Major Monogram: I've never been happy.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Come on, let's go get a taxi.
Major Monogram: I'd prefer a town car.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Quiet, you.
Stacy: Candace, this is a bad idea. About as bad as you've ever had in a long line of, and I love you when I say this, really, really bad ideas.

Candace: Stacy, they're going to Paris, where Jeremy is!
Stacy: You promised your mom you'd keep your brothers out of trouble.
Candace: What better way to look after them than by going along and keeping them out of trouble along the way?
Stacy: You realize that's a massive rationalization, don't you?
Candace: Oh yeah, totally.

Stacy: Well, say Hi to Jeremy for me. And hey, you should stop by and see my cousins in Tokyo!
Adyson: Okay Girls, we've got roughly forty hours to get this backyard in line and set up for the party. Let's go, go, go!

Clay: Who left her in charge?
Adyson: (Giving him a rake) Here, make yourself useful.

Clay: You know we're only booked for the hour.

Act Two

Dr. Doofenshmirtz and Vanessa are in Tokyo Tower

Vanessa: It says here, that the Tokyo Tower is the tallest self-supporting steel structure in the world!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh look down there! That guy fell off his bike!
Vanessa: But it says nothing about a giant water balloon. Dad...?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: You like it?
Vanessa: We're supposed to be on vacation.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Ah, we'll be on our way just as soon as Major Monogram drops this water balloon on the entire International Good Guy convention.
Major Monogram: I would never pull an elaborate, childish prank like that. It, would ruin my reputation, destroy my credit- oh, I see where you're going with this.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Yes, and best of all, without your leadership, it would totally put an end to the... what's the name of your organization again?
Major Monogram: The O.W.C.A. The Organization Without a Cool Acronym.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Okay, well, I'm going to put an end to... Ah-ooh-ca, I guess? Wow, that really isn't a cool acronym.

Major Monogram: Told ya'.
(After the J-pop musical number)
Candace: (still doing the dance in the plane) I have no idea what just happened.
Major Monogram: No one at the Agency will ever believe I dropped that water balloon.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, but they will. Because you are going to confess that you did it on camera for the world to see!
Major Monogram: You can't make me talk! I have nerves of steel, and an iron will, and... gold teeth, and a... copper spleen; basically I'm 35% metal.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh man, it must be hard getting through the airport.
Major Monogram: Oh don't get me started! Anyway, you can't make me talk.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh yeah! (uses fingers to move lips, does not bother to use fake voice) "I am Major Monogram. I dropped that water balloon. I have poopy pants." Eh?

Major Monogram: Well, I stand corrected. That was actually very convincing.
Vanessa: Ferb?

Ferb: Vanessa?

Phineas: No matter where we go, Ferb knows everyone!
Phineas: OK everybody! Keep an eye out for Klimpaloon!

Candace: Klimpaloon?
Phineas: Yeah Klimpaloon! The magical old-timey bathing suit that lives in the Himalayas!
Candace: You're making that up.
Phineas: Come on Candace, does that sound like something someone would make up?
Beeping sound comes from the altitude meter
Candace: What's that?
Phineas: Uh oh, we didn't calculate for the weight of an extra body.
Candace: Will this affect our arrival in Paris?
Phineas: Hmm... let me let you know in about two seconds.
Wings of the Sun-Beater 3000 are broken off within 2 seconds.
Phineas: Candace?
Candace: Yeah?
Phineas: It is going to affect our arrival in Paris!
Sun-Beater crashes, Klimpaloon shuffles past.

Phineas: And you thought I made it up!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, and as far as launching that water balloon into orbit (makes Major Monogram talk using finger) I did that.
Major Monogram: Seriously, when was the last time you washed your hands?

Act Three

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: The signal's not too far away, but its on the move that way. Woo-hoo!Team Doofenshmirtz, ho!

Perry the Platypus and Major Monogram stare at Dr. Doofenshmirtz

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: What? Like I'm going to let you name the team, Organization Without a Cool Acronym?
Vanessa: So Candace, what is Ferb short for?
Candace: I... don't know.
Uncle Sabu: Ah, Baljeet and friends, I was expecting you.

Baljeet: Really?

Uncle Sabu: No, that's just something we say up here to freak out the tourists.
After Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, Vanessa, Baljeet and Buford are knocked off cliff

Candace: No no no no no! How am I ever going to explain this to Mom?

Candace: That's not helping!
Klimpaloon looks around and walks away

Klimpaloon: (disappointedly) Nang...nang...nang...nang...nang...
Phineas: We're all out of rubber bands but the good news is we're gonna crash into Paris.

Candace: How is that good news?
Phineas: Huh? I thought you wanted to go to Paris.

Candace: Oh, yeah. I did.

Act Four

Phineas: We need fuel and parts, so we'd better split up.
Buford: Yeah. My pants are way ahead of ya'.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: According to this sdƃ, Vanessa's in some place called sıɹɐd. Hmm...

Perry turns the GPS

Dr. Doofenshmirtz Oh, Paris. That makes a lot more sense. That's actually where she wanted to go. Good for her.
Phineas: Vanessa, you rented a scooter!
Vanessa: Uh... Yeah... rented...
Phineas: I'm going to go see if I can go find some parts. Isabella you want to come with me?
Isabella: YES! I mean, yeah, sure, you know, whatever, it's all good bro.
Candace: "Pardonaise-moi, madam."

Girl: Oui?
Candace pulls out a French-English dictionary
Candace: Une moment. Can you tell me... Oh, "Pouvaise-vous me dire" uh...
Girl: Can I tell you directions? It's okay, I speak English.
Candace: Yes. I speak English. Parlais anglais. Uh, ou est la Hotel Poubelle?
Girl: It's just around the corner.
Candace: Ugh, around the corner, around the corner, "oh quan de la rou-ee?"
Girl: Oui.

Candace: Oh, never mind. I'll find it myself. Hey, Hotel Poubelle! It's just around the corner!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Major Monobrow and Perry the Platypus they... they were helping me find you.

Major Monogram: Monobrow...
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh, come on. You got that whole thing up here. It runs right... it's one straight line, for crying out loud.

Major Monogram: That's it, I'm getting my tweezers back from Carl.
Throughout this, Isabella looks on in anger

Phineas: That's too bad. I thought the two of you, you know, a boy, a girl, alone in the City of Love. I thought romance was a forgone conclusion.
Isabella's pencil breaks in her hands
Phineas: Isabella, did you say something?
Isabella: (Annoyed) I need a new pencil.
Ferb hands Isabella a pencil
Phineas: Oh, hey, Candace. So how it go? Did you see Jeremy?
Candace: Well, I saw him. I just didn't talk to him.
Phineas: Oh, that's too bad. I thought, you know, the two of you, a boy, a girl, alone in the City of Love.
Isabella's head explodes
Phineas: Isabella?!
Showing that she's fine and it was just a dream
Phineas: Isabella, are you okay?

Isabella: (Annoyed) Peachy.
Candace: Well, you know when you know someone and then you see they have another like... life away from you and it feels weird?

Phineas: Like when you see your teacher at the grocery store weird? Or like when someone you've known for a long time starts wearing a cowboy hat weird?
Candace: The... the first thing weird.

Phineas: That's good, because I was thinking about getting a cowboy hat.
Phineas: Candace, like the song said, you have to believe you can!

Baljeet: I think Candace may have missed that song.
Buford: Yeah, man, she was in the house!

Phineas: What?! You missed Clay Aiken and Chaka Khan?!
Candace: What? No, not yet! I have something I wanted to tell you!

Jeremy: Really, what is it?
Candace: I wanted to tell you earlier but then I saw you in front of your hotel, with those kids, and the girl with the ice cream...
Jeremy: Candace, were you spying on me?
Candace: No, no, it's just that I saw you and it was was like my teacher wearing a cowboy hat!
Jeremy: I would hope my girlfriend would have a little trust in me.
Candace: (Shocked) Jeremy... You said the G-word!
Jeremy: Well, yeah, I used the...oh...ugh, hold on! (He runs to the opposite side of the bridge)Yeah, I used the G-word. It doesn't freak you out, does it?
Candace: No, because I think of you as my B-word.
Jeremy: Well, G-word. You want a K-word?
Candace: Heheheh, maybe?
(The two try to kiss but the plane continues to slowly drift away)
Jeremy: Uhh...Candace?
Candace: All set, Jeremy! Start kissin'!
Jeremy: Candace...!
Candace: (Opens her eyes and sees that he's too far away) No, no, no, no, no, no!
Jeremy: W-Wait, you can't leave now! You would...just get off on the next bridge!

Candace: I can't, I'm in charge of these guys. I-I gotta be responsible. I'll see you in a week, boyfriend!
Buford: Love is a canvas furnished by nature and embroidered by the imagination.

Baljeet: Voltaire, Buford? Really?

Buford: Oh, I can't help it. Paris does it to me every time.
Water splashes on a mime, removing makeup
Mime: Hey, everyone! I can talk!
Sailor 1: Would you look at that. Five kids in a jet-powered baguette boat in the middle of the Atlantic.

Sailor 2: Ahh, that reminds me of Karen Johnson.
Sailor 1: Everything reminds you of Karen Johnson.

Sailor 2: I hate being a sailor.
Phineas: We might even arrive in Danville ahead of time, you know barring any unforeseen mishaps.

Ferb's wheel comes off
Phineas: Oh, like that. That's what I'm talking about.
Throughout this, several parts fall off

Phineas: And that, and that. Yeah, this is all included in what I was talking about earlier.

Act Five

Phineas: Well, Ferb, that was our worst landing yet. I'm beginning to detect a pattern here.

Candace: Phineas! This isn't Danville; it's a deserted island. The only things on this island are us, a couple of trees and a big fat ox.
Buford: Hey!
Candace: Not you big fat ox, him big fat ox.

(Ox is saddened by Candace's comment)
Buford: (Laughs) You're gonna lose.

Phineas: You do realize that you're stranded on this island too, right?

Buford: I don't care, I'm winning! (Laughs) I'm done.
Vanessa: I'm not evil. Just get in the car before they find out this is only a hair dryer.
(Phineas is seen in a giant hole digging with hands)

Phineas: There's got to be some minerals or something down here that we can use! I mean, we can't-we can't just be stuck here!
(Isabella walks away and cries until Ferb gives her a handkerchief.)
Isabella: Thanks Ferb. I just don't know what to do. We were in Paris, the most romantic city in the world and... he didn't even notice me. (Blowing the handkerchief) I just feel like giving up, and look at him!
Phineas: Look! A sponge and a starfish! There's gotta be something we can make out of this! Ah! Oh no, that's ridiculous!
Isabella: It's as if I don't exist. I would give anything if he would just sit down with me and enjoy this beautiful sunset.
(Ferb walks away and Phineas comes toward her.)
Phineas: We- we could- we- we could- we could dig a tunnel under the ocean and then we could- we could- we can- we can... we- we can't. I can't- I can't believe there's nothing we can do to get off this... (Sighs) I guess at least we can sit and watch this beautiful sunset.
(Isabella realizing something.)
Isabella: No.
Phineas: What?
Isabella: No, you are not going to enjoy this beautiful sunset.
Phineas: I'm not?
Isabella: You built a roller-coaster through downtown, you made giant tree-house robots, you traveled through time for crying out loud, twice!
Phineas: But Isabella, there's nothing here for me to work with.
Isabella: Well, that's not the Phineas Flynn that I fell in... to this situation with. You showed us all in Ferb's map how this is possible and I'm not gonna let you sit there and-

Phineas: Ferb's map! That's it! Isabella, you're the best! (hugs her)
Candace: Phineas, this is crazy!

Phineas: Car-salesman crazy or mattress-salesman crazy?
Candace: I don't know... Neither!

Phineas: That's a relief.
Candace: (referring to the paper plane) Phineas, it's made of paper!

Phineas: So was the Declaration of Independence!!
Candace: Yeah but it wouldn't fly over 2,000 miles of water! Buford, why are you helping?!
Buford: (Carrying the Ox) How often do you get to lift an ox?
Candace: Have I taken crazy pills?! There's no engine!!!

Phineas: True, but we do have this rubber band made of super special den-si-ty!

Isabella: Just believe we can, Candace!
Baljeet: Yes. Clay Aiken and Chaka Khan cannot both be wrong.
Candace: Look, apparently I missed some big musical number with Clay Aiken and Chaka Khan, okay? So can we please stop using that as a reference?!

Baljeet: Well, it was just very inspirational.

Candace: I'm not getting on that plane!
Phineas: Candace, you won't see Jeremy again 'till we get off the island.

Candace: (She thinks) I get a window seat!
(While riding the paper airplane)

Buford: Yes, yes, yes!
Baljeet: What are you so happy about?

Buford: I finally ate a bug!
Substitute teacher announcer: Welcome to the 27th annual substitute teacher day. We begin by-

(The paper plane passes him)

Substitute teacher announcer: All right, who's the wise guy?
Isabella: There's only 58 seconds 'til sundown!
Baljeet: What kind of a watch is that?
Buford: (referring to Baljeet's bike) A recumbent? Really?

Baljeet: Studies say it is better for your back.

Buford: How come I don't have to stand in line to bully you?
Candace: Phineas, I'm not gonna get on a silly little tricycle.

Phineas: Candace, we're in a hurry! Just get on the trike and we'll...
Candace: There's no way I'm gonna-

Phineas: Just believe we can, Candace!

Candace: Is that another Chaka Khan reference, because I thought I was clear...

Phineas: You don't have to hear the song, Candace, you just have to believe.
Milly: Seven seconds 'til sundown!

Holly: Maybe it'll help if we count!
Fireside Girls: Five! Four! Three! Two...
(Phineas, Ferb, Candace, Isabella, Baljeet, and Buford land in the yard.)

Phineas: ONE!
Linda: And Candace, so responsible. Not a single phone call.

Candace: Well I didn't have international coverage.
Linda: What?

Candace: Never mind!
Candace: Jeremy! You came back early!

Jeremy: Well, I missed my girlfriend.
Candace: Oooh! I like the sound of that!
Jeremy: Besides you forgot something in France.
Candace: I did? What?
Jeremy: This...

(Jeremy kisses Candace)
Phineas: Hey where's Perry?

(Back in Paris)

Waiter: (talking to Perry) Would you like your (imitates Perry's chatter) with or without fromage?