Memorable Quotes

Act I

first lines

Phineas: I'll be honest, Ferb. I'm having a hard time putting a positive spin on this. But, I guess that's life, huh? One minute you're having the best day ever, the next you're being fed to a monster the size of a two car garage.
Doofenshmirtz: Yeah? Well, welcome to my life!

Phineas: Huh. And everything started out so well this morning.
Lawrence: OK, boys, you can pick out any pet you like.

Linda: (picks up and holds Young Phineas in order to see the kitten) Hey, look, Phineas. This one's looking at you!
Lawrence: (does the same with Young Ferb in order to see the puppy) And this one's looking at you, Ferb.

Young Candace: (walks over to some fish in a tank, but they immediately turn away) WHY WON'T ANYTHING LOOK AT ME?!
Young Candace: What would you even name a platypus?

Phineas: (Outside flashback.) Referring to Perry: 'Course Ferb and I knew exactly what to name you.
Young Phineas and Ferb: Bartholomew.
(Perry chatters)

Phineas: Then when we got home, we renamed you Perry.
(while playing Platypult-baseball)
Phineas: Oh, yes, sports fans, that may be the best hit ever in the history of platypult baseball! And the crowd exhales loudly through their mouths! (breathes loudly)
Stacy: Hey, girl. Uh, what are you doing?
Candace: Stacy, Jeremy's going to college soon, and here I am concerned with busting my brothers to my MOMMY and living in the NURSERY. A unicorn, Stacy! A UNICORN! "Hi, I'm six!"
Stacy: The irony is, that as a grown up, you don't NEED to tell your mom. You can just bust them yourself.

Candace: (gasps) That's it! Stacy, I'm old enough to bust them myself!

Stacy: That's what I just said.
Stacy: I am a woman of science, at least that's what my horoscope said.
Candace: Okay children, as the adult here, I decree we're going to the park, does anyone have to go potty first? (Stacy raises her hand) Fine, make it quick.
Phineas: I'm Phineas and this is my brother Ferb.
Doofenshmirtz: I'm Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, but my friends call me... (pause) I just got into such a funk.
Phineas: Oh, there you are, Perry.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Perry?
Phineas: Yeah, he's our pet platypus.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Is every platypus named Perry?
Phineas: In a perfect world, yes.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Aww, well, he's a cute little fella. Hi, there. (he tickles Perry's chin) Gootchie…(Perry bites his finger) OW OW OW!
Phineas: Perry, no! (He and Ferb pull him off) We do not bite the elderly!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Again, Ow. No, it's okay, platypuses don't typically like me.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: You know, I can't help but notice that your scar goes over your eye patch.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): Yeah?

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: …Nothing.
Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): You dare to bring a secret agent in here?

Doofenshmirtz: This boy's a secret agent?
Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): No, no, not him!
Doofenshmirtz: The quiet one?
(Ferb turns to Phineas and shrugs)
Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): No no, HIM!

Doofenshmirtz: This plant?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Wait a minute. I'm confused. Why does their platypus fight so good?

(Perry puts on his fedora)
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (gasps) PERRY THE PLATYPUS?!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): Really?
Ferb: Well he did pee on the couch.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Wait a second, I just realized. That was a conscious choice! You peed on my couch!

(Perry shrugs in embarrassment)
Dr. Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): Guards?

Perry pushes the brain freeze remote.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): Ahhh! BRAIN FREEZE!
Phineas: I'm–I'm sorry. I'm just having trouble processing this right now.

(Perry gives him a pamphlet.)

Phineas: (reading) "So you've discovered your pet is a secret agent"—I don't want your pamphlet! (Tosses pamphlet away)
Phineas: Oh for crying out loud! (walks over to help Perry out of the skull) What, they didn't teach you how to get out of this in spy school?!
Phineas: Look, there's a logo on this parachute. He's got his own logo?
Both Doofenshmirtzes: Curse you, Perry the Platypus!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Jinx, you owe me a soda.
Normbot: (with a buffalo skull on his head) Get me! I'm a Georgia O'Keeffe painting!
Cab driver: Fourth and Main! (the Platyborg gets off and gives the cab driver some money) What, no tip? (the Platyborg takes out a weapon) Never mind, I'm good. (drives away)

Act II

Phineas: (After he says "you're a secret agent!? the second time) Anyone else here living a bizarre double life? (Ferb raises his hand) Put your hand down, Ferb. (Ferb lowers his hand)
Phineas: (to Agent P) Wait. I just realized, you could've been cleaning your own litter box this whole time! (Perry shrugs) Oh, we are not done with this conversation! (he runs off)
Dr. Doofenshmirtz-2 shows Dr. Doofenshmirtz a picture of Perry without his hat.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): Now tell me, other-dimension me, what do you see here?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: An ordinary platypus.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): (flips page to Perry with his hat) NOW, what do you see?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (gasps) PERRY THE PLATYPUS!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): You know I'm beginning to see why you haven't taken over as leader in your dimension.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Alright Mr. Eviler-Than-Thou. How did YOU manage to rule the Tri-State Area?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): Simple. I used an army of big scary robots.
Norm Bots: (They switch to their "polite" faces) We should do lunch sometime! (They revert back to the armored heads)

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Wow. That is scary!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): When I was a small boy in Gimmelshtump, I had a toy train. Then, one day, I lost it.

Young Doofenshmirtz (2nd dimension): Choo-Choo?
(awkward pause)

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: What, that's it? That-that's your emotionally scarring backstory? Dude, I was raised by ocelots! I mean, literally, disowned by my parents and raised by Central American wild cats, and you're telling me that you've lost a toy train? I had to work as a lawn gnome, I was forced to wear hand-me-up dresses! Neither of my parents showed up for my birth!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): Since you have neglected to take over your Tri-State Area, I think I go over there and go it a shot myself.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Great, we can be a team!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): (sarcastic tone) Yeah, right. A team.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Hey, was that sarcasm?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): (sarcastic tone) No.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, right there! That's exactly what my voice sounds like when I'm being sarcastic.
Candace: The logical explanation is the mysterious force, the question is, why does it care so much about my little brothers? Why doesn't it want them to get busted?
Buford: Well, why don't you ask it, Kierkegaard? What? Existentialist Trading Cards. Came with the gum.
Baljeet: Would you like to trade two Sartre for a Nietzsche?

Buford: Alright.

Baljeet: Sucker.
Candace (2nd Dimension): Are there four of you in this room?

Phineas: Five counting Perry.

Candace (2nd Dimension): I see nothing. I've got plausible deniability.
Phineas (2nd Dimension): Are you part of the Resistance?
Buford (2nd Dimension): I used to be in the resistance, but I got so good at it, that I started resisting them.
Candace (2nd Dimension): Then we've got work to do, Isabella, start redirecting the power.

Isabella (2nd Dimension): Aye, aye!
Candace (2nd Dimension): Gretchen, monitor the Doofen Channel. Make sure we're not raising any alarms.
Gretchen (2nd Dimension): I'm on it.
Candace (2nd Dimension): Buford, keep resisting.
Buford (2nd Dimension): No!
Candace (2nd Dimension): Excellent. (deep voice) And will somebody get rid of that topiary?

(two girls lower down and pull it away, she coughs, normal voice) Thank you.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Stand back in awe!

Inator shorts out (Because its wired incorrectly)
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Aw.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): That's it?
Both Doofenshmirtzes: Ah, Perry the Platypus.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Jinx, now you owe me two sodas.
Candace: Why is Isabella suddenly fashionable?
Isabella (2nd Dimension): What do you mean suddenly?!
Candace sees her 2nd Dimension self
Candace: Hey, is that me? I look good!
Isabella (2nd Dimension): This will take us as far as the underground entrance to his headquarters.

Candace (2nd Dimension): (showing a map) From there, we go up the ventilation shaft, the detainment center is on Level 4.
Buford (2nd Dimension): And the snack bar is on Level 5! (2nd Dimension Candace glares) If there's time!
Candace (2nd Dimension): Ugh, Buford. (Puts away the map)

Buford (2nd Dimension): I'm just gonna get some nachos.
Buford (2nd Dimension): I don't remember it being so dark down here.

Candace (2nd Dimension): Dark?
Doofenshmirtz: That's because its a trap!
Light shows up and a bunch of Norm-Bots surround Phineas, Ferb, Candace, Buford (2nd Dimension), and Isabella (2nd Dimension). Perry, Doofenshmirtz, and Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension) come out
And if it was light, you would have seen us and run away hence ruining the trap!

Doofenshmirtz 2nd dimension: (bored) I think they get that
Phineas: Perry! W-We came to rescue you.

The camera zooms out, showing Norm Bots surrounding them.

Phineas: So far it isn't going as well as we hoped.


Seeing 2nd Dimension Candace fight the Norm bots

Phineas: Can you do that?

Candace: Well, Apparently.
Buford (2nd Dimension): (Looking at 2nd Dimension Candace) I am so in love with her right now.

Isabella (2nd Dimension): What?

Buford (2nd Dimension): (Quickly) Nothin'!
Seeing Phineas and Ferb blasting the Norm bots with one of its arm

Phineas (2nd Dimension): Can we do that?

Candace (2nd Dimension): No, keep your head down.
Buford (2nd Dimension): Man. I had my heart set on those nachos.
Stacy: Uh, mysterious force. I feel a little awkward talking to you, because I didn't believe in you at first. Because lets face it, it's crazy, but then I saw you eat my friend, so, I've made a little shrine here. It's...It's nice, there's a banana, and, uh, oh, Mr. Miggins! So, I hope this makes up for the disbelief thing. Are we, uh, are we good?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): Now, you have no choice, but to fix my machine.

Phineas: No.
Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): That's not one of your choices. Fix the machine.
Phineas: No.
Candace: Can I, can I say something. So I think I'm up to date on the whole Perry agent thing, strangely the most normal thing that happened this afternoon. But, who exactly is this guy?
Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): Fix it!
Phineas: No.
Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): Look I would make myself do it, but apparently he's an idiot.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Hey!
Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): Fix the machine!
Phineas: No.
Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): Alright, then, you've forced my hand! (he takes out a sock puppet) "Fix the machine!"
Phineas: No.
Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): Really? When I was a your age, I did anything what a puppet told me to do.
Phineas: How old do you think we are?

Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): I don't know, one, two? I- It's hard to tell with the one eye!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): Yes, yes everyone. Doom, doom, doom and-

Both Doofenshmirtzes: Doom!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Jinx, you owe me three sodas.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): Okay, doom for him too.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: What? But, but I'm you!
Dr. Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): (Holds up puppet to the other Doofenshmirtz's face) "Doom"!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Wow, if I had a nickel for every time I was doomed by a puppet, I'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice, right?
Phineas: I'll be honest, Ferb. I'm having a hard time putting a positive spin on this. Blah blah blah, two car garage, etc. etc..
Doofenshmirtz: Yeah? Well, welcome to my life!
Normbot: It's muffin time, sir!
Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): Already?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh you caught it! Here, unlock me.

Candace: Are you even paying attention!

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: (looks at the lava) Oh that's right the lava, it can wait. Later.
Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): More guards!

Normbot: It's muffin time, sir!

Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): You're broken!
Normbot: (robotic voice) Stop where you are! You cannot leave! (Norm voice) I use aggression to mask my insecurities!
Normbot: The portal closed, sir.

Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): Oh, pooh. Oh well, time to start the invasion! And somebody get me a muffin!

Normbot: But it's not muffin time, sir!

Act IV

Buford (2nd Dimension): I got nachos! Who wants some? (beat) Nobody?
Stacy: (to the mysterious force) Oh you can see I'm really trying so please bring back Candace!

Candace walks up behind her
Candace: Oh hi, Stacy!

Stacy: (Awkward pause) And I also want a car!
Old Woman: (on intercom) Hello?

Doofenshmirtz: Hello, Mrs. Thompson. It's me, Heinz. I think I left my keys in the other dimension. Can you buzz me in?
Mrs. Thompson: Who is this?
Doofenshmirtz: Heinz Doofenshmirtz, your neighbor, for like 12 years.
Mrs. Thompson: Who?
Doofenshmirtz: I live in the penthouse. I wear lab coats a lot. Speak with the accent I am currently speaking to you with.
Mrs. Thompson: Just like my neighbor upstairs.
Doofenshmirtz: Yes, exactly!
Mrs. Thompson: Oh, he's not home. You'll have to come back later.

Doofenshmirtz: No no no, wait... (she hangs up) Aww!
Computer: Welcome, Phineas and Ferb. Please insert the key.

Phineas: (to Ferb) Do you have a key?
(Ferb takes out a pitch pipe and blows a C.)

Phineas: Good try.
Doofenshmirtz: No, it's Heinz Doofenshmirtz. You borrowed sugar from me this morning!

Mrs. Thompson: I don't have any sugar. I had to borrow some from my neighbor this morning.
Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, that's me. That's...
Mrs. Thompson: Oh, he's a nice man, but I hear he's divorced.

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, that she remembers.
Isabella: It's weird that Perry's a secret agent, huh?
Buford: Yeah, but it was obvious in retrospect.
(Baljeet walks up, wearing only the top half of the Beak suit)

Baljeet: Has anyone seen my pants?
Buford: Yeah, they're over there.
(he points to Irving, who is in the legs, holding two crowbars and standing on a pile of dismantled Normbots)

Dr. Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): (to Phineas, as he is about to fire him with the baseball launcher) You know, all that's going to happen from you guys coming up here is that I'm going to have a brand new Platyborg. And maybe even a Boyborg! Huh? Try saying that five times fast! Boyborg, boyborg, boyborg, boyborg, I guess it's not that hard to say. Never mind.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): (to Phineas, Ferb, and Perry, after he emerges with a giant robot version of himself) Now, tremble before me! No, I'm down here. See? One last trick up my sleeve. It's me! I'm the trick up my...own sleeve, cause I'm...I'm in the sleeve. Get it? (sighs) Pearls before swine. (prepares to attack the trio) Hope you've got your 3D glasses, cause I'm coming at you!
(The bots outside the theater explode. A second later, Candace drags Linda out.)

Candace: Come on, come on. Hurry!
(she motions for her to look)
Linda: Do I even need to say there's nothing there anymore?
Candace: Mom, you can say it all you want! (hugs her and does a little dance) There's nothing there! Woo-hoo! I did it, I saved the world! (she stops and smiles, pause) You can go back to your movie now.

(Linda stares for a second, then goes back in)
Phineas: Wow, imagine the fun we can have, now that we know you're a secret agent!

Major Monogram: Yes, yes, the next 15 minutes should be a real hoot. Of course, then Agent P will be sent away forever!
Phineas: What?!
Major Monogram: You didn't know? Didn't he give you a pamphlet?
Phineas: We threw it away.
Major Monogram: Doesn't anyone read those anymore?!
Carl: I tried to warn you, sir.
Major Monogram: Kids, I'm sorry, but now that you know Agent P's real identity, you won't be allowed to see him anymore.
Phineas: That's why you didn't want us to know your secret. (Perry nods) So, we'll never see Perry again? There has to be another way!
Major Monogram: I'm sorry, Phineas, but it's just not safe. You know too much.
Phineas: Now, I've never wished so much that I could un-know something.
Carl: Wait, sir, maybe there is a way. What about Doofenshmirtz's Amnesia-inator?

Doofenshmirtz: I never built an Amnesia-inator! Of course, I would remember building something like that.
Isabella: Uh, Major Monogram?

Major Monogram: Uh, Yes?
Isabella: So none of us will remember any of today?
Major Monogram: That's right.
Isabella: Good.
Isabella kisses Phineas
Phineas: (Suprised gasp) Isabella!
Isabella: Hit it, Carl!
Phineas: Wait! Wait! Wait!

Carl activates Amnesia-inator

Deleted Scenes

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Behold, the Otherdimensionator! (laughs maniacally)

Norm: Sir. I finished setting up the buffet.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Oh for crying out loud Norm, I was in the zone!
(Vanessa walks on scene)
Vanessa: Yeah, Norm, don't interrupt dad while he's playing with his doll.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: It's not a doll, it's a stand-in: Pretendy the Practicepus.
Vanessa: You're not normal, dad.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Why thank you, Vanessa, you're so sweet! See what I did there? Even though I knew you meant it as an insult, I took it as a compliment. Maddening, isn't it?
Vanessa: I'm out of here.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Tell your mother you had fun today.
Vanessa (2nd Dimension): Dad, did you outlaw Tony Marzulo? (Doofenshmirtz-1 rises from his seat) If you keep banishing every boy who takes an interest in me, I'll never have a social life.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): Done and done.
Vanessa (2nd Dimension): (pointing at Doofenshmirtz-1) Who's that?
Dr. Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): Ah, don't mind him. He's just your father from another dimension.
Vanessa (2nd Dimension): Whatever. I'm going back to Mom and I'm taking the blimp.

Dr. Doofenshmirtz (2nd Dimension): Oh, well, tell your mother you had fun, though.
Jeremy: What happened? Wh-Where are we?
Phineas: Hey, why is Perry wearing a hat?