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Picture This/Transcript

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(Scene opens up showing the Flynn-Fletcher house, then the garage. Phineas and Ferb have literally turned the room upside-down)
Lawrence: Hello, boys, I thought I heard a noise out here.
Phineas: Oh, hey Dad.
Lawrence: Say, there is something pretty peculiar going on here, now, don't tell me! You turned the entire garage upside-down, now why on earth would you do that?
Phineas: We're searching for Ferb's favorite skateboard.
Lawrence: (yelling to Linda) Dear! Are you aware the boys have turned the garage upside-down, looking for Ferb's skateboard?
Linda: (offscreen) As long as they clean up after!
Lawrence: Oh, right-o. (to Phineas) Ooh, just a minute, does that skateboard have a Union Jack on the bottom?
Phineas: That's the one!
Lawrence: Turn the thing right-side up and come in the house. I believe I solved your mystery.
Phineas: You heard him, Ferb. Let's turn it over.
(the garage turns right-side up)

(At the computer)
Phineas: So, what have you got, Pop?
Lawrence: Take a gander what a certain old geezer posted on his blog.
(a photo of Reg skateboarding appears on the monitor)
Phineas: Hey, it's Grandpa! (chuckles) Ferb, he must have left your skateboard in England the last time we were there. I know! We could create a highly intricate and sophisticated machine, that will transport any object from anywhere on the globe to our backyard!
Lawrence: Well, why don't you just build a new skateboard?
(long pause)
Phineas: Nah, I don't think so.
Ferb: If it's all the same with you, Father, we're going to build the machine.

(Cut to Linda dressed up in Mexican wear in the kitchen, she is shaking dreidel maracas)
Candace: Whoa, Mom. What's with the getup?
Linda: I'm on my way to join Vivian Garcia-Shapiro, at the Mexican-Jewish Cultural Fair today. Would you like to come along?
Candace: Let me think...um, no.
Linda: (leaving) Oh, well, suit yourself, bubelita!

(In the backyard, the transporter is finished)
Phineas: Let's give her a trial run. Start with something small.
Buford: Check it out, dweebs! Betcha can't shoot this apple off my head.
(Ferb takes his picture)
Buford: (at the camera) Hmm, not really what I meant. But, okay.
(Ferb puts the apple photo into the camera which brings it up on the monitor and starts typing the piano-styled keyboard. Instantly, the transporter's satellite-like top fires a ray)
Buford: But I still got my apple here, William Tell!
(The ray hits the apple on Buford's head, making the apple and part of his hair disappear)
Buford: Nice buzz cut. High and tight.
(the apple appears on the transporter's receiver platform, Perry walks by and eats the apple)
Phineas: Hey! It worked. Now, let's try it on something more complex.
Buford: I'm complex! Really, I'm like an onion.
(a fly buzzes by Buford as Ferb takes his picture. He puts the photo in the transporter and types; Buford is transported to the platform, but with bug eyes, wings and a fly's leg)
Buford: Whoa. It's like there's thousands of you guys.
Phineas: Oops! (inserts another picture and presses button) I forgot to install the Fly Filter. Better try that again...
(Buford and the fly get separated)
Phineas: Sorry, Buford. Are you all right?
Buford: I have a weird craving for something stinky.
Phineas: He's all right. (gives Ferb a photo) Okay, Ferb, let's get that skateboard before Grandpa breaks his neck.
(On the screen, Ferb zooms in on the skateboard and Grandpa's feet. The transporter activates and goes around the Earth to London.)

(Cut to London where Reginald is skateboarding. The green takes the skateboard and his feet.)
Reginald: What in blazes— (he tumbles backwards)

(Cut back to the backyard. The skateboard appears in the transporter along with Reginald's feet.)
Phineas: Yes! It worked! (looks at the feet on the skateboard) Oops.

(Cut back to England)
Reginald: I say, that's peculiar. My bloomin' feet have gone missing.
(Winifred approaches him and removes two plugs from her nose.)
Winifred: I can breathe again! (sniffs) I smell lupins!

(Cut back to the backyard)
Phineas: Better send his feet back.

(Cut back to England where Reginald gets his feet back, but they are on backwards.)
Reginald: They're back! Egad, they're facin' me 'iney! I say, ha ha, (walks around) I can get the 'ang of this! Now I can finally see where I've been! Crackin'!

(Cut back to the backyard)
Phineas: Now let's try out that half-pipe. Hey, where's Perry?


(Cut to Perry's lair.)
Major Monogram: Hello, Agent P. Nice entrance today. Simple and understated. I like it. Anyway, we have a situation: We recently discovered that all of the mimes in Danville Park have been trapped in actual invisible boxes. (cut to a scene of a bunch of mimes in Danville Park feeling up their invisible boxes) It took days to discover because, well, everyone just assumed they were really good mimes.
Robot Guy: I'm not even a mime! I'm a robot guy!
(Cut back to Perry's lair)
Major Monogram: We're convinced that it has something to do with a new machine Dr. Doofenshmirtz has been working on. We're sending you a photo of his new inator. Oh-ho yeah! It looks evil all right. You better destroy it. Good luck, Agent P!


(Cut to the backyard, Isabella and Baljeet arrive)
Isabella: Hey, guys, what'cha doin'?
Phineas: We're conducting an experiment with our mega-half-pipe and our new photo transporter. (Pan up to reveal Ferb at the top of the half pipe) Okay, Ferb, let 'er rip!
(A bird flies by about to crash into the half pipe as always, but Ferb pulls a lever opening a door to let it fly through. He skates down the half pipe. We hear Candace gasping.)
Candace: (from her bedroom window) No way!!!
(Cut back to Ferb, still skating down and finally going up the other end as Isabella, Baljeet and Buford gasp and look in fear, followed by Candace again. Cut to Phineas who scans a photo of Ferb into the transporter and activates it, sending Ferb safely down to the platform, catching his skateboard. A ta-da fanfare is heard. The others cheer.)
Candace: ¡Oy, carumba! I've got to tell Mom! Now where did she say she was going again?

(Cut to the Mexican-Jewish Cultural Festival)

(Song: Mexican-Jewish Cultural Festival)

It's the Mexican-Jewish cultural festival!
Mexican-Jewish cultural festival!
Oy-le!

There is kreplach on tostadas,
A pupik in our piñata,
We kibitz when we lambada.
How are things in Ensenada?
We put bottles on cabezas.
We do mitzvahs up on mesas.
And we're coming to your places,
With big smiles upon our faces.

It's the Mexican-Jewish cultural festival!
Mexican-Jewish cultural festival!

 

There is kreplach on tostadas,
A pupik in our piñata,
We kibitz when we lambada.
How are things in Ensenada?
We put bottles on cabezas.
We do mitzvahs up on mesas.
And we're coming to your places,
With big smiles upon our faces.

Linda: ¡Oy-lé! Candace, I'm so glad you could make it!
Candace: Mom, you've gotta come home right away! Phineas and Ferb...have...th-they built a...d...a thing that...that...Oh, what's the use? I'll only drive you home to find that the boys' contraption I wanna show you has inexplicably disappeared and, once again, you'll think I've lost my marbles.
Linda: That does seem to be a pattern, doesn't it? Come on! Enjoy the festival! Here, have a dreidel-raca!

(Cut back to the backyard. Buford is holding a photograph and talking to Phineas)
Buford: You think your machine can find my long lost teddy bear? (flips the photo) I got his picture right here.
Phineas: Hmmm, let's give it a shot.
(He scans the photo.)

(Cut to an arid desert. A truck is driving on the road. Cut to the front of the truck to reveal the teddy bear is tied to the grill of the truck. It gets zapped by the ray.)

(Cut back to the backyard where the bear arrives on the platform)
Buford: (happily) Teddy Boo Boo! (angrily) Where have you been, you bad bear?! I bet you've been on the road again, haven't you?! Well, you're grounded, mister! (happily) Oh, I love you!

(Cut back to the festival. Candace is talking to Vivian who is running a food stand.)
Candace: You know, Mrs. Garcia-Shapiro, every time I try to show my mom something, it disappears and she thinks I'm crazy. What do you think I should do?
Vivian: Eat! You're too thin! Have a matzah ball-rito!
Candace: Er...thanks.


(Cut to D.E.I.)
Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated
(Pan up to show a helicopter, which Perry descends from. He ropes down to a window, which he taps with his foot. He then goes backwards.)
Doofenshmirtz: Who's tap tap tapping? Is that that pesky raven again? (Perry kicks Doofenshmirtz backwards, to which he responds with sarcasm) Oh, big surprise! Perry the Platypus! And by "surprise", I mean completely...Uhhh...uhhh, I got nothin'. (He activates a remote, we hear something drop and Perry looks around) I was really expecting the raven. I'll be honest. And by the way, you're trapped in an invisible box! Yes, I know, I trapped you before in an invisible cage, but this is different! It's a box! It's all part of my evil plan to rid the world of annoying mimes! You see, recently, I was...

(Flashback)
Doofenshmirtz: (voiceover) ...strolling through the park, when suddenly, I had the strangest feeling that people were looking at me. And laughing! Probably because people were actually looking at me and laughing! I couldn't figure out what was going on until I turned around and saw a mime! He was mocking me: my walk, my incessant hand-wringing, my mantis-like posture! (The mime gets a giant mantis from the left side of the screen and chomps it) Then that I decided to get even.
(End flashback)

Doofenshmirtz: Behold, the mime-inator! With this baby, I'm going to trap every mime in the Tri-State Area in their very own invisible box! I know, huh? Fun with irony!


(Cut back to the backyard. Phineas, Isabaella, Buford and Baljeet are on a catapult)
Phineas: Okay, Ferb. We're ready! How 'bout you? (Ferb nods)
(The catapult goes off causing the four to go airborne)
Phineas: I'm tasting the clouds!
Isabella: I'm feelin' the ozone!
Buford: I am dryin' my pits!
(Ferb activates the transporter and an image of the four comes onscreen. He presses a key and the ray zaps the quartet sending them safely onto the platform, as they laugh.)

(Cut back to the festival. Candace is getting her picture taken)
Photographer: Say, "¡Queso!"
(The photographer gives her the picture.)
Candace: Wait a minute. (smiles) The photo transporter! All I have to do is put my mom's photo in the machine, then she'll be transported right to the boys! Right?
Photographer: (looks to both sides awkwardly) Jess?
Candace: (gasps) Then the boys' invention can't disappear before Mom sees it because she'll be in it! It's fool-proof! Phineas and Ferb will be busted once and for all! (grabs the camera) Can I borrow this? (zips away)
Photographer: Hey! My mom gave me that!

(Candace zips in front of her mother with the camera)
Candace: Smile! (she snaps the photo, which comes out instantly, she looks at the photo) Aha! (shows it to Linda) AHA!! (looks at the photo) Aha! (shows it to Linda) AHA!! (looks at the photo) Aha! (shows it to Linda) AHA!! (looks at the photo) Aha! (shows it to Linda) AHA!! (looks at the photo) Aha! (shows it to Linda) AHA!! (looks at the photo) Aha! (shows it to Linda) AHA!!
Linda: (overlapping) Aw, it's nice to see you giving up your obsession with the boys and getting into the spirt of things.


(Cut back to D.E.I.)
Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus, you really are quite the mime! It really looks like you are inside an invisible b—(gasps) Oh, that's right! You really are inside an invisible box! Ha ha ha! I'm already tired of that joke, but I can't stop saying it. (activating the inator) You know, it works so well with the mimes that I decided to put everyone in the Tri-State Area in an invisible box! Ha ha ha! (The inator stops moving. Doofenshmirtz clicks the remote several times.) Oh, for crying out loud! (He walks over to a handle bar and starts moving the inator manually.)
(Perry produces an electric glass cutter, which he operates on the invisible box. Cut to the balcony of D.E.I.)
Doofenshmirtz: And now, to pull the switch. (Perry jumps on him) Thanks for the headache! (Perry punches him in the eye) Thanks for the face-ache!


(Cut back to the backyard)
Phineas: Has everyone had a chance to try the machine?
(Cut to Buford with his teddy and Isabella with a rag doll)
Buford: Yeah, I got my teddy bear.
Isabella: I got my missing Mindy doll.
(Cut to Baljeet with an older Indian man.)
Baljeet: And I found my missing Uncle Maulik!
Uncle Maulik: Baljeet, I was just on vacation.
Baljeet: Oh. Were you having a good time?
Uncle Maulik: I was.
Phineas: Perry's not back yet. I know! I'll put a photo of him in the machine and transport him back here. (Phineas scans the photo of Perry.)


(Cut back to the D.E.I. balcony)
Doofenshmirtz: No, Perry the Platypus, don't press the self-destruct button!
(Perry is about to push it when suddenly the ray zaps him)


(Cut to the backyard)
Candace: (offscreen) You're all so busted!
(Perry takes off his fedora and chatters)
Phineas: Oh, there you are, Perry!
(Candace runs into frame panting and laughing carrying the photo of Linda)
Candace: (panting) Ah-ha-ha! Move it! This is it! The ultimate bust!

(Cut back to the festival where Linda is about to break a dreidel piñata blindfolded)
Man: Okay. (He lifts the piñata up) Oopsies! Ha! Come on! You gotta put more effort into it! (The ray zaps Linda) ¡Oy, carumba!

(Cut back to the backyard, where Linda arrives, still blindfolded and swinging the bat)
Linda: More effort? You got it!
(She begins unknowingly chasing the kids)
Candace: Yes! It worked! (chasing her mother) Mom! Mom! Look!
Linda: (overlapping) Where is the piñata?


(Cut back to Doofenshmirtz)
Doofenshmirtz: W-Where did he go? He was standing right there about to foil my evil plans and now I'm...and now I'm totally free to move forward with my heinous project! Woo-hoo!


(Cut back to the backyard where Candace is now being chased by her still-blindfolded mother)
Candace: MOMMM!!!!
Baljeet: There is no candy in me!!!! There is no candy in me!!!
Buford: (overlapping) Look out!!!
Linda: (offscreen) Could somebody please tell me if I am warm or cold?
(Agent P takes the photo of the inator and puts it in the machine, then scans it)
Candace: (offscreen) You're cold!!!
Baljeet: (offscreen) THERE IS NO CANDY IN ME!!!
Buford: (offscreen) Why is this happening?!?!


(Cut back to Doofenshmirtz)
Doofenshmirtz: And now, invisible boxes for everyone! (The ray zaps the inator. Doofenshmirtz looks at the empty space confused) Sure! WWWWWWhy not?


(Cut back to the backyard. The inator arrives on the platform.)
Candace: Mom, look! MOM, LOOK!!! (She jumps on her mother causing the bat to fall out of her grip and flying in the area of the transporter) MOM!!! LOOK!!!

(The bat activates the self-destruct button causing both the inator and the transporter to disappear. Candace has her eyes closed until further notice)

Linda: (lifting her blindfold) Oh my goodness! I walked all the way home? (Candace's eyes open) I guess it's hard to judge distances blindfolded. (stands up) Well, snacks anyone? (walks away)
Candace: Bu-bu-bu-bu-but...bu-bu-bu-bu-but...bu-bu-bu-bu-but... (repeat ad infinitum)

(Song: There is No Candy in Me)
(Ferb beatboxes over Candace's stuttering)
Phineas: (imitating a turntable) Wacka-wacka-wack...
Baljeet: (rapping) There is no candy in me,
There is no candy in me!
(Phineas brings Perry into frame, who chatters)
I am just a little boy,
There is no candy in me!
Your mother is blindfolded
So she cannot see!
She attacked me with a bat!
There is no candy in me!!!

Buford: Nerd ain't no piñata!

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