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Run, Candace, Run/Transcript

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(Scene opens up with Phineas, Ferb and Candace watching the TV)
TV Announcer: Today, on the Uncovery Channel, we'll talk about the fastest land animal in the world. Possessed of incredible speed, the cheetah can outrun almost anything alive.
(Candace looks at her watch and motions as if to cue Phineas)
Phineas: Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today! We're gonna build fast shoes, so we can run like a cheetah!
Candace: And I don't care. Because today, I'm going to Jeremy's family picnic in the park. I will be spending the whole day with my boyfriend and his extended family. And they are all going to love me, because today, I am Composed Candace. Confident, cool, and relaxed.
Linda: Candace...
Candace: AAAAAH! Stop judging me!!
Linda: Ready to head to the library?
Candace: Huh?
Linda: You volunteered to read to the kids' book club today, while I help reorganize cookbooks.
Candace: Oh, I forgot all about all about that! That's so unlike me! I never forget a promise! (Her cell phone rings. She picks up.) Hello?
(Cut to Stacy at a theater dressed as the front end of a pantomime horse with nobody in the back.)
Stacy: Candace! We're about to go on! (cut back to Candace) Where are you?! Candace? (Candace smiles nervously.) Candace?! Are you there?!
Candace: (hangs up) Heh-heh. Wrong number.
Linda: We're leaving in fifteen.
Candace: Heh. Yeah. I've got nothing better to do.
Phineas: What about that Jeremy thing?
Candace: (storming out angrily) Don't you have a catchphrase to say or something?
Phineas: What is she talking about? Hey, have you seen Perry around? (Ferb shrugs) 'Cause I haven't.

(Cut to Agent P's lair)
Major Monogram: Good morning, Agent P. It's come to our attention that Dr. Doofenshmirtz has missed a few of his mortgage payments. He must be funneling all that money into something really evil, otherwise, he'd ask his ex-wife for a loan. (File photo of Charlene appears on screen.) She's loaded you know. Ka-ching! So get over there (Perry salutes) and find out what's going on. (he leaves)

(Cut to a montage of Phineas and Ferb doing research)
Phineas: (voiceover) A cheetah's body is built to run at amazing speeds. By carefully analyzing our own bodies' running mechanics, we can now design and build our very own super shoes. Based on the pseudoscience of reflexology, these shoes will trigger pressure points in our feet, making us exponentially faster.
(Cut to Candace pacing nervously by the sliding door.)
Candace: I'm double-booked! If you count Stacy, I'm triple-booked! Oh, darn my endlessly giving nature! (Phineas speeds past the door.)
Phineas: Woohoo!
Candace: (opening the door) Wha?
Phineas: (speeding) Yeah! Hiiiiiii, Candaaaace! You know, Ferb, with these super shoes on, (running from one side to the other and back rapidly) we can almost be in two places at one time. (Ferb stops him) Let's go see what these babies can really do. (They speed out of the backyard.)
Candace: Two places at once?
(Car horn honks)
Linda: (offscreen) Candace, ready to head to the library?
Candace: Uh, that's okay, Mom, I think I'll walk.
Linda: (offscreen) Okay. See ya there.
Candace: (picks up a pair of shoes) Or maybe I'll run.

(Cut to D.E.I.)
Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated
(Cut to inside. Perry kicks Doof's door. A female real estate agent with a plate of cookies comes up to him.)
Female Realtor: Chocolate chip cookie? They're freshly baked. (Perry takes one.) Get your bids in soon. We don't expect this place to last long.
(Cut to reveal several people touring the place. A baby is crying.)
Woman: Ooh, are those floors original?
(Cut to Doof speaking to a male realtor.)
Doofenshmirtz: So just because I miss a few payments, you're selling my building? And where am I supposed to get that much money on such short notice?
Male Realtor: I'm sorry, Mr. Doofschmidt, those are the terms of your loan.
Doofenshmirtz: The name is Doofenshmirtz! Like, like in Doofenshmirtz! (Perry tugs his lab coat) Now what? Oh, it's you. I'm sorry, Perry the Platypus, I'm going to have to take a rain check. You see, I'm having a bit of a financial crisis and I'm afraid I won't have time for our evil scheme today. (Perry tips his hat and leaves.) Yep. (sighs) Next time we fight, it could be in a cardboard box, 'cause that's where I'll be living. (Perry stops short and tugs Doof's lab coat again) Can't you see I'm trying to wallow? (Perry points to something) What? (Cut to a framed picture of Doof's ex-wife) That? Oh, it's a nice picture of Charlene, isn't it? But I don't think I could get much cash for it. I mean, who wants a picture... (Perry takes out a phone) Oh, you mean call her and ask her for money? Never! Y'know what she'll say if I call? She'll say, "I told you so!" And you know why? Because she told me so! She said, "Don't get the gargoyles, Heinz!" But what does she know? (Whip pan to reveal two gargoyles on the balcony) Gargoyles are a good investment. Name a cheap building with gargoyles. (Cut back to Doof and Perry) No way am I asking her for money! I—I—I'll just, uh, make this place unsellable! Then they'll have to let me stay here no matter how broke I am! (to a potential buyer) Psst! Indian burial ground. True story.

(Cut to Phineas about to race against a dragster. The race begins. They reach the finish line with Phineas winning. The crowd goes wild. Cut to a notepad with the words "Drag Racer" and check boxes with "Yes" and "No" above them. A check is written under "Yes".)
Phineas: Wow! These things are great! Much better than those completely unstable prototypes we made earlier.

(Cut back to the backyard. Candace puts on one shoe with the word "Unstable" on its sole. She puts on the other with the word "Prototype" on its sole.)
Candace: What a ripoff! These things are—AAAAAAAAAAH!!! (She speeds away.)
(Cut to the library.)
Linda: Well, my daughter was supposed to... (Candace stops on the rocking chair) Oh! Kids, this is Candace. (to her daughter) Good luck. I'm off to file some cookbooks.
Candace: Alright, today's book is Smorky the Giant Rabbit's Family Picnic. (rocks back) Heh! I'm a little fidgety. Yes?
Sally: Why is your neck so long?
Candace: Good question. (Puts her in the rocking chair) You get to be today's first reader. I'll be right back. Go on, you'll do great. (speeds off)
Sally: Brab farbu gulla brobbidy Lingonberry.
(Candace speeds away)
Candace: There it is! Oh, please stop!
(She runs into a tent pole where Jeremy is getting some lemonade. She gets under a table and pops out of it.)
Jeremy: Whoa! Heh-heh! Hey, Candace, you came out of nowhere.
Candace: Yeah! (waves her arms trying to stay put) Uh, (grabs hold of her legs as she sits on the table) I did!
Jeremy: Well, I'm glad you could make it.
Candace: (kicks away Jeremy's cup) Me, too.
(An inexplicable cat screech is heard.)
Jeremy: Uh. Yeah. (screen flips to Jeremy showing her around the picnic) Why don't I introduce you around? You know my folks.
Mrs. Johnson: Hey, there, darlin'!
Mr. Johnson: Nice to see ya!
Jeremy: And, of course, you know Suzy.
Suzy: Candace.
Jeremy: And I bet you remember the birthday girl.
Candace: Of course. Grandma Hilda, from the—
Hilda: I never liked you.
Mrs. Johnson: Hey, guys, those potato sacks aren't gonna race themselves! Let's get the lead out, kiddies!
Candace: My gosh! The kids! (to Jeremy) I'm gonna get you a lemonade refill. I'll catch up with you in a bit, okay?
Jeremy: Okay, but hurry. The games are the best part of the picnic.
(She speeds away taking some lemonade with her.)
Candace: It's working!
(Cut back to Sally who is still reading in gibberish.)
Sally: Falooby blib dingo traloopoo-bul.
(Candace races back to her chair.)
Candace: Good.
Linda: Everything okay, Candace? Y'know, you really shouldn't have drinks in the library.
Candace: Yeah. It's all this reading. It makes my throat dry.
Linda: Oh, that's sweet. I think I'll watch for a while.
Candace: Oh, you don't have to. (Linda takes a seat. Candace clears her throat and begins reading.) "Smorky knew that it was wrong to steal the pie, but it looked so delicious. He knew his friend had worked hard to make the pie and bake the pie. How would Smorky's friend feel when he saw the pie was gone? He would feel sad. He would feel bad. He might even feel mad. But Smorky was so hungry. What could Smorky do? What should Smorky do? What would Smorky do?"
Sally: I have to go to the bathroom.
Candace: Yes! Mom, take her! (She pushes her mother and Sally into the restroom and speeds out.)

(Cut back to D.E.I)
Woman: I think this may be the place we've been looking for! I mean, high ceilings, open floor plan, purple and green? We won't even have to repaint!
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, I-I-I am not calling Charlene!

(Cut to Phineas and Ferb.)
Phineas: (on a bullhorn) Go!
(Phineas and Ferb speed down the trail and stop.)
Phineas' Voice: Go! (kaboom!)
Phineas: Sonic boom! Check sound off the list.
(Ferb places a check mark under "yes" for "Sound". Candace is heard screaming and seen racing by. Phineas simply shrugs. Cut to a shrine with some dolls and a pink cloth that says Annabelle on it. Candace crashes into it.)
Boy: She knocked over the Annabelle shrine.
Woman: How rude!
Jeremy: Candace! (picks her up)
Candace: Who's Annabelle?
Jeremy: She sort of wandered off about 20 years ago. We don't really talk about it much.
Woman 2: (sobbing) Annabelle!
(Cut to Candace and Jeremy about to start a wheelbarrow race. Candace is holding Jeremy's legs.)
Mrs. Johnson: (offscreen) Wheelbarrows at the ready!
Candace: Are you sure you wouldn't rather be the legs?
Jeremy: You'd be surprised how strong my arms are. Don't hold back.
Candace: I don't think I can.
(The gun goes off and Candace and Jeremy speed right down to the finish line into the mud.)
Jeremy: Hey, we won.
Mrs. Johnson: You might want to visit the washroom, honey. You've got a little something right (gestures all over their bodies) there.
Candace: The washroom! (speeds out and returns to her chair in the library)
Sally: And that's where it goes when you flush.
Linda: What an active imagination you have, sweetie! Well, I think I'll leave these adorable little ragamuffins in your capable hands, Candace. I'm afraid I have to be elsewhere.
Candace: Me, too.
(She speeds through a tunnel and past a dog show into an open man hole.)

(Song: Run, Candace, Run)

Male and Female Voices: Run, Candace, run
Run, Candace, run
Run, Candace, run
Faster, faster

Run, Candace, run
Run, Candace, run
Run, Candace, run
Faster, faster

Run, Candace, run
Run, Candace, run
Run, Candace, run
Faster, faster

Run, Candace, run
Run, Candace, run
Run, Candace, run
Faster, faster

Male Voice: Come on girl gotta move gotta run
Gotta feel the road burning
From the heat of the sun
On your feet as you flow
Through the streets down the hills
Passing dogs passing cars
Passing old rock stars

Female Voice: You can feel all the power
Of the earth as you ride
As it pulls as it pushes
Up and down side to side
You can show they can see
There's the proof on your feet
You're a blur in the air
You've got style you've got flair

(Candace runs past a random bystander in slow-motion)

Male and Female Voices: Run, Candace, run
Run, Candace, run
Run, Candace, run
Run, Candace, run
Run, Candace, run

Run, Candace, run
(Run, Candace, run)
Faster, faster!

You're light on your feet
You're almost home free
Nothing can stop you
Look out for that tree

(Candace runs into a tree.)

(Cut to a warehouse.)
Phineas: Okay, Ferb. Fire it up! (Ferb turns on a lamp and Phineas attempts to catch up to it.) Sorry, Ferb. The light's just too darn fast. (Ferb puts a check mark under "no" for "Light".)

(Cut back to D.E.I.)
Woman: Oh, honey, look at this. It's like 1973 in here. My favorite year! Ha ha! Where did they ever find such rare furnishings?
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, no no, it's all fake. It's made out of cardboard.
Woman: Cardboard? How wonderfully impermanent!
Doofenshmirtz: Wa-wa-wa-wait! What about the neighbors? (exits) They're really crazy. (Comes back in jumping around with his pants on his head.) Look, I live next door and I've got pants on my head! And, uh, (takes out a comb and puts it under his nose like a mustache) I'm Italian. See?
Woman: With neighbors like that, our lives will always be interesting! I can't think of anything that would make this place more attractive.
(Perry chatters and hands Doof the phone.)
Doofenshmirtz: Nulla, per favore.
Woman: (screams) I stand corrected! Gargoyles! This is it! This is the place! We'll take it!
Male Realtor: I'll draw up the papers.
Doofenshmirtz: Never!

(Cut to Candace still speeding along.)
Candace: Can't stop! Can't stop!

Male Voice: Come on girl gotta move gotta run
Gotta feel the road burning
From the heat of the sun
On your feet as you flow
Through the streets down the hills
Passing dogs passing cars
Passing old rock stars

Female Voice: You can feel all the power
Of the earth as you ride
As it pulls as it pushes
Up and down side to side

(Cut back to the woman and her husband with the realtor.)
Woman: Well, I'm hoping for a short escr—Whoa! (Candace speeds away taking the woman.)
Husband: We're gonna check out some other neighborhoods.

(Cut back to the picnic.)
Mrs. Johnson: Front and center, people! Now before we pass out the awards for the games, let's remember the real reason we're here: Grandma Hilda's (who would've guessed she'd live this long) 85th birthday! (applause) Now, let's have a moment of silence to reflect on all she's meant to us.

Male and Female Voices: (accelerando) Run, Candace, run
Run, Candace, run
Run, Candace, run
Run, Candace, run
Run, Candace, run

Run, Candace, run
(Run, Candace, run)
Faster, faster!

(Candace finally comes to a stop carrying the woman from the open house and destroying the tent and banner behind her. Everyone looks at her. Candace sobs loudly.)
Woman: Can I get down now?
Hilda: That voice. Can it be? (Candace puts the woman down as Hilda looks her over.) The Johnson eyes. The Johnson nose. Is it possible? (Hilda lifts up the woman's sleeve to reveal a mark shaped in the letter "J" on her arm. Hilda gasps.) She's got the birthmark! It's little Annabelle!
(The family members cheer and give a group hug around Annabelle.)
Annabelle: Nana? Uncle Jack! It's all coming back to me! You were right. I never should have taken that job hanging anvils.
Hilda: Candace, you've made our family whole again. Be good to her, Jeremy. (winks) This one's a keeper.

(Cut back to D.E.I.)
Doofenshmirtz: I get to stay forever!
I get to stay forever!
Male Realtor: You know it's a shame we didn't make that sale. Now the bank will have no choice (Doof stops celebrating) but to tear this place down and build a greeting card factory.
Doofenshmirtz: But— (Perry gives him the phone again. Doof growls and swipes it from Perry and dials.) Don't gloat, Perry the Platypus. It's not becoming. Hello, Charlene? (Charlene yells on the other line) Yeah, you told me so.

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