(Scene opens up showing The Flynn-Fletcher house. The camera switches to Candace)
Candace's Brain: Has it come to this? (looks closer) Just standing out in the yard, (Camera zooms out, showing Phineas and Ferb sitting by the tree) Staring at your brothers, waiting? (Zoom into Phineas and Ferb) They're gonna do something bustable, I know it.
(Ferb slouches. Candace's cell phone rings)
Candace's Brain: (Gasps) It's Jeremy!
Candace: (Flips the phone open) I know who it is! (Speaks into the phone) Hi!
Jeremy: Hey! Wanna come over today?
Candace: Uh, yeah, just checking out the situation around here. (At Phineas, covering the phone) Uh, Phineas, do you know what you're gonna do today?
Candace: No jetpacks? No volleyball? No "Where's Perry"?
Phineas: Nope, nothing yet.
Candace: (At phone) Yeah, I think I'm free. I'll be right over.
Jeremy: Cool! See ya in a bit! (Hangs up)
(Candace walks out and closes the gate)
Phineas: (Off-screen) Hey Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today! (Close up of Candace, who is wide-eyed) Let's build jetpacks...
Candace: Oh! (Bends down)
Phineas: (Off-screen) ...And play Volleyball!
Candace: Ohh!! (Drops to her knees and drops her phone. She calls Jeremy) Uh, Jeremy, why don't you come over here?
Phineas: Hey Candace, you seen Perry?
(Back in the living room, Perry walks to the recliner in pet mode. He puts on his fedora, sits on the recliner and pulls the lever. Perry falls through the recliner and lands in his lair. On the monitor, Major Monogram is seen, looking tired)
Major Monogram: Ah, Agent P, I want to apologize for my appearance. You see, I was up all night monitoring Doofenshmirtz. It seems that-- zzzzzzzzzzzz.... Yeah, I'll have cake.
Carl: (Off-screen) Sir?
Major Monogram: (Wakes up) --Up all night, uh, building inators. See what he's-- zzzzzzzzzz....
Carl: (Off-screen) I think you can go, Agent P.
♪ Agent P! ♪
(Switch to the kitchen window. The gang is seen putting on jetpacks)
Candace's Brain: Ah yes, now that's bustable behavior. You should tell Mom.
Candace: (whispering) Stop telling me what to do. (At Mom) Mom!
(Cut to the living room. Linda is seen reading a book)
Candace: Mom, Jeremy's on his way over here right now. I've got like 5-10 minutes to get the whole "Busting-Phineas-and-Ferb" thing over so I can relax and we can enjoy our Saturday.
Linda (While her eyes are on the book) Yeah, chapter almost done. (Looks at Candace) Front yard or backyard?
Candace: Back. Kitchen door.
Linda: Done and done.
(Switch to the backyard. Candace peeks out the door, then gasps. Cut to Jeremy and the gang; Buford, Isabella and Baljeet are carrying a net over their heads while the boys turn on their jetpacks)
Jeremy: (Wearing a jetpack and has a volleyball in his hand) Hey, Candace! Jetpack Volleyball? This is a great idea! You're gonna join us, right?
Candace: Uh, yeah! I'll be up in just a second. I just got something I gotta do. (Closes door)
Linda: I'm ready for our little charade.
Candace's Brain: (while Candace blocks the door) Mom can't see this! We don't want to get Jeremy in trouble! You've got to keep Mom inside!
Candace: (runs off) Oh, Mom! Don't be so silly! You can't go out there until we've uh, uh... (Stammers, pushes Mom to the dishwasher) Unloaded the dishwasher, right! (Chuckles) Right?
Linda: But they're not dry yet.
Candace: Oh they'll dry, Mom. (Grasps her shoulder) Things dry.
♪ Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated! ♪
Doofenshmirtz: (On a cell phone) You really think I need aluminum siding? (Perry crashes through the roof and lands on one knee with a hand to the ground.) Oh, oops, gotta go, I got a guest. (hangs up, turns around and claps) Well, Perry the Platypus. Oh, hey, nice landing pose. See, that would kill my knees. (Pushes a remote) Haha!! You're trapped! (Two floorboards come out and trap him.) Let's talk about what you've been up to, Perry the Platypus. You've been sneaking into my lair secretly and building inators in the middle of the night! (Perry looks confused) Oh, don't act all so innocent. Every morning when I wake up, there's a new inator. Look! See? Three of 'em! (Cut to the inators. Cut back to Perry, who shrugs.) Re-Really, you didn't do it? If it wasn't you, then who was it? I mean, you and I are the only ones who are ever here, which is sad in and of itself. B-But I'm not building them in my sleep! (gasps) Wait, that's it! I'm sleep-inventing! That's fabulous!
(Song: I'm Unconsciously Creating Truly Evil Inators)
(jumping around) ♪ I'm unconsciously creating ♪
♪ Complicated and ♪
♪ Truly evil ♪
♪ In-a-tors! ♪
Ah, look at you. So evil. I wonder what you do. Le-Le-Let's see. (He activates the first inator. It zaps a table, which turns into confetti.) Wait, how is confetti evil? I mean, it makes a mess, sure, but i-is it really evil? (walks up to the second inator) Alright, let's try this one. (He activates it, it zaps a couch, which turns into a giant cupcake.) A big cupcake? (Walks up to the cupcake) Well, maybe it tastes evil. Yes. (He dips his finger into the frosting and puts his finger in his mouth.) Mmm, yes, chocolate!!! The most evil flavor in— (sighs) Who am I kidding? This is delicious. (Walks to the third inator.) Let's see what this one does. Oh, Norm!
Norm: Does someone need their spelling checked?
Doofenshmirtz: No. I just wanted to do this! (He zaps Norm with the inator.)
Norm: How about a hug?
Doofenshmirtz: A huginator?!!
Norm: (walking up to Doofenshmirtz) Unable to resist hugging impulse.
Doofenshmirtz: (walking back against the wall) No! No! Noooooo!!!!
(Norm crashes into the wall taking Doofenshmirtz with him.)
(Cut back to the backyard.)
(Song: Jetpack Volleyball)
♪ Just strap on a jetpack ♪
♪ And string up a net, Jack. ♪
♪ Gonna serve it to you, ♪
♪ So get ready to set back. ♪
♪ Whack, smack, thunder crack, ♪
♪ Try to hit that ball back! ♪
♪ Dig it, bump it, set it, spike it! ♪
♪ That's the way I really like it. ♪
♪ Plenty of fuel so you ain't gonna fall, ♪
♪ We're playing jet, jetpack volleyball. ♪
♪ We're playing jetpack (jetpack!) volleyball, ♪
♪ Jetpack (jetpack!) volleyball. ♪
♪ We're playing jetpack (jetpack!) volleyball, ♪
♪ Jetpack (jetpack, jet!) volleyball. ♪
♪ Don't need to be a giant over six feet tall, ♪
♪ We're playing jet, jetpack volleyball ♪
(Cut back to the kitchen)
Candace: See? I told you they would dry.
(A jetpack whirs in the background.)
Linda: What was that?
Candace: Oh...uh...so, Mom, do you have everything for dinner tonight? Maybe you ought to go to the grocery store.
Linda: Nope. Got everything.
Candace: Oh, it's your bridge day! Better get in the car and go! (pushing her mom out)
Linda: It's tomorrow. Candace, why don't you go outside and hang out with the boys?
Candace: Ha ha ha! Outside! Well, there's no reason to go out there!
Linda: Y'know, I don't hear them. Maybe I'll go check.
Candace: Oh, ow! Ow, ow! (holding her finger)
Linda: Candace, what is it?
Candace: I smashed my finger in the...thing!
Linda: Where? Let me see.
Candace: (holds out her finger and moves it) Here!
Candace: I need a bandage!
Linda: Okay, there's some right—
Candace: No, no! The glow-in-the-dark ones we keep in the emergency kit!
Linda: In the basement?
Candace: Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow...
Linda: (exits) Okay.
(Cut back to D.E.I.)
Doofenshmirtz: W-W-What does this mean? (Cut to Doofenshmirtz in Norm's embracing arms) W-When I'm awake I build evil inators that fail, and when I'm asleep, I build nice inators that work? Ah, what is my subconscious trying to tell me? It's just so exhausting. Ugh, I feel like I've been up all night, which, I, I guess I have, building nice inators, apparently. It's just... (droopily) Yeah, I'm getting sleepy. Ripple dissolve imminent.
(Ripple dissolve to dream sequence where Doofenshmirtz, wearing a fedora and having a beaver tail, is in a strange world full of lawn gnomes, Giant Floating Baby Heads, Balloonys, Goozims and a tombstone shaped like Perry.)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, man, this had better be a dream because I don't like where this is going.
(Cut back to the house where Candace is pulling a window shade down.)
Linda: Hon, I looked everywhere. I can't find the bandages.
Candace: That's okay, Mom. It's, um, it's all better.
Linda: Great! Then I'm gonna see if the boys want a—
Candace: No! Uh, uh, let's play chess.
Linda: Chess? Candace, I don't—
Candace: (putting her hands on her mom's shoulders) We never do anything together, okay? (Takes her mom's hand and drags her) Let's play a nice long game of chess.
(Cut back to Doofenshmirtz's dream sequence.)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, man, everything here in dreamland is so distorted and ugly. Say... (Wide shot to reveal a short green devilish imp that looks like him) you look familiar.
Imp: I should. I'm the inner you!
Doofenshmirtz: Inner me?! Are you the one that's been making those good inators?!?!
Inner Doofenshmirtz: I was trying to help you, you nincompoop!
Inner Doofenshmirtz: (voiceover) Yes, late at night, I was instructing you how to make the ultimate inator!
Inner Doofenshmirtz: (in flashback) That's enough! Don't overtighten it, like your brain! Now, let's just imagine how it will work.
(Fantasy sequence of Doofenshmirtz with the inators laughing)
Doofenshmirtz: The Cake-O'-Hug-A-Fetti-inator! Fire!
(The inator zaps the city of Danville turning it into frosted desert delicacies.)
Skater Dude: What's happening? Dude, is this cake?
(The inator zaps again.)
Woman: Ugh, the cake is hugging us!
Man: Hey, everybody, it's okay! We can eat our way out!
(The inator zaps a third time, this time at three clouds turning them into confetti.)
Man: Ugh! Forget about eating it now! It's covered in paper!
Doofenshmirtz: It's mine! The Tri-State Area's finally mine! (The building disappears and he falls into a throne and gets crowned. The throne floats into the air surrounded by herald trumpets.) Hey, wait a minute! Wait!
(End fantasy sequence.)
Doofenshmirtz: Now, was that a fantasy inside a flashback inside of a dream?
Inner Doofenshmirtz: Well, let me put it this way. (Slaps Doofenshmirtz.)
(End dream sequence.)
Doofenshmirtz: What? What? What?!
Norm: Did you have a nice nap?
Doofenshmirtz: Ugh, enough with the hugging! Let go!
Norm: (lets go of Doofenshmirtz in a manner that sharply throws the evil scientist onto the floor extremely hard) You're da boss!
Doofenshmirtz: (on the ground moaning) Y'know, I'm gonna make a plug for you so I can unplug you.
(Cut back to Linda and Candace playing chess.)
Linda: Gosh, it's been so long since I've played chess. I can't remember how the knight moves. Do you remember?
Candace: I'm not really sure.
Linda: (standing up) Oh, the boys'll know.
Candace: What?! (sitting Linda back down) No no no! You sit! I'll go ask 'em. (Runs to the sliding door and imitates the sound of the door opening.) Hey, guys! Uh, do you know how the knight moves? (Doing a bad imitation of Phineas.) Uh, yeah, Candace, it moves straight up and then, uh, straight down on the same square. (normal voice) Oh, hey, yeah, that's great! Thanks! Oh, wait, what was that, Ferb? Oh, yeah, you don't talk! (Imitates the sound of the door closing and draws the curtains on the door.)
Linda: You know what's funny?
Candace: What's funny?
Linda: I have this weird desire to go outside. (Candace gets more nervous) I mean, normally, around this time of day, you're pulling me to go out in the yard and I kind of have a hankering to do it! It's like a Pavlovian "go outside" response. Let's go!
Candace: Oh, Mom, what are you, a robot? You gotta do the same thing every day?
Linda: Okay, Candace, what's going on out there? (Linda walks forward but Candace attempts to push her back.) What don't you want me to see?
Candace: Nothing! Nothing, Mom! (grabs onto her mother's leg) No no no!
Linda: Candace, let go!
Candace: Mom, look! Checkmate! (chuckles nervously)
Candace: Wait! Let's play darts!
(Cut back to Doofenshmirtz on the floor.)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, wow, Perry the Platypus, I just had the freakiest dream. You know those dreams that seem logical while you're having them but are total nonsense when you wake up? (Pushing the inators together) I think I was some kind of 1940s business beaver, oh, and, uh... Oh, I might as well get these three useless things out of my lab and push them out onto the balcony and... (Perry struggles to get out of the trap) Wait a minute! I've seen this before! In my dream! That's right! It's only really effective if I put them all together! (Perry gets out of the trap) Hey, hey, Perry the Platy— (Perry flings into him.)
(Cut back to Candace with her hand behind her back leaning against a door with a guilty look on her face.)
Linda: I mean it, Candace! You're acting really strange! (Candace dials her phone behind her back.) If I'm gonna go outside, I'm going to go outside! (The house phone rings.) Ugh, there's the phone! Hold that thought! (picks up) Hello?
Candace: Uh, (holding her nose to disguise her voice) please hold for some important information.
Linda: Well, okay, as long as it's important.
(Cut to the backyard where the gang turn their jetpacks off.)
Jeremy: Wow! You guys are the best! This was truly an amazing day! It's too bad Candace missed the whole thing. And, Ferb, where did you learn to serve like that?
Ferb: At the Yorkshire Athletic School for In Your Face.
(Cut back to Doofenshmirtz on the balcony.)
Doofenshmirtz: I dare you to try that again! (Perry kicks him again and the inators roll away.) Well, I did dare him, I guess. No! No! (The first inator falls off) A third of my inator! (Wide shot of the building as the falling inator activates)
(Cut back to the house where Linda is still on the phone listening to the muzak version of her '80s hit. Cut to the empty backyard, where Candace walks in.)
Candace: Jeremy? I guess the game is over? (picks up the volleyball, which gets zapped and turns into a cake.) Cake. Okay...
(Cut back to Doofenshmirtz and Perry fighting.)
Doofenshmirtz: Hey, Norm, a little help, please!
Norm: Who needs a hug?
(Perry tumbles off of Doofenshmirtz, who gets smooshed by a falling Norm.)
(Norm crashes into the inator, and the second part of it falls and activates.)
(Cut back to the backyard where the net gets zapped. It "hugs" the other jetpacks and flies away, much to Candace's confusion.)
(Cut back to Doofenshmirtz.)
Doofenshmirtz: Norm! What did you do, you big garbage disposal?! Now two of them are ruined! (Sarcastically) W-Why don't you just throw the third one over?!
Norm: (getting up) If you insist! (Doofenshmirtz flinches in despair realizing what he's done; Norm throws the machine off the balcony)
(The third inator activates.)
(Cut back to the house where the net and the jetpacks get zapped and turn into confetti. Cut to Candace alone in the backyard still holding the cake.)
Candace: Well, this has been a weird afternoon.
Jeremy: Candace! There you are! What's all this?
Candace: Well, uh, uh, yeah! Heh! It's our two-month, nine-day anniversary!
Jeremy: Oh, great! Uh, (at Phineas and Ferb) was I supposed to get her a present?
(Ferb produces a bouquet of flowers and gives it to Phineas who hands it to Jeremy. Linda approaches her daughter.)
Linda: Hon, if you didn't want me to come out and spoil the surprise, you should have said so. But you are going clean up all this confetti, right?
Candace's Brain: Nice going. You busted yourself.
Candace: Quiet, you!
(Cut to D.E.I. where Perry hang-glides his way out. Cut to Doofenshmirtz and Inner Doofenshmirtz on the balcony.)
Doofenshmirtz: So much for that inator.
Inner Doofenshmirtz: Ugh, tell me about it!
Doofenshmirtz: Hey, what are you doing here?! This isn't a dream!
Inner Doofenshmirtz: Oh, isn't it?
Doofenshmirtz: No. No, it isn't.
Inner Doofenshmirtz: Oh, crud.
(In a puff of smoke, the Inner Doofenshmirtz disappears and Doofenshmirtz looks at the camera in anger.)