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Spa Day/Transcript

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(Scene opens up at Flynn-Fletcher house)
Candace: Oh... my... gosh! I can't believe it! We're finally gonna have our first... (with Stacy) Spa day! Algae infused seaweed mud wrap...
Stacy: Hot rock rub and volcanic mineral scrub!
Phineas: Sounds like fun.
Candace: (surprised) Fun?
Phineas: Yeah! Mud, seaweed, volcanic rock.
Candace: It's not fun, it's relaxing. Which means it's enjoyable, which means it's fun. Grown-up fun. You wouldn't understand. Besides, the Le Rub de Scrub Spa is very exclusive. You can't even get in unless you know someone.
Phineas: How are you guys getting in?
Candace: Well, I know Stacy...
Stacy: ...and I know this neighbor who knows this hair-washer, who knows this bank teller, who knows this back-waxer who works at the spa.
Candace: Yeah, and I know Stacy.
Phineas: Huh. Well Ferb and I aren't connected like you guys.
Candace: Come on. Let's get going. (she and Stacy walk away)
Isabella: Hi, guys. Where you goin'?
Candace: We're going to the spa.
Stacy: Yeah. We're gonna get totally immersed in self-indulgence.
Candace: And mud.
Isabella: Sounds like fun.
Phineas: See? I told you it was fun.
Isabella: Hi, Phineas. What'cha doin'?
Phineas: Well, I think we're going to build a spa. (to Ferb) What do you say, Ferb? It'll give you a chance to do your seaweed rap. You know... (imitating turntable scratches) Huah!
Ferb: (blinks then rolls his eyes; pause) Okay.


Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated!
Doofenshmirtz: Bills, bills, bills. Ooh, half off at Slushy Burger. Keeper.
(cat meowing)
Doofenshmirtz: Aw, what a little cutie. .... What's a cute little love bug like you doing out here all by yourself? .... I'll call you Mr. Fluffy Pants because you're fluffy and you look like you're wearing pants. Plus, you remind me of my Uncle Fluffy Pants.
(a painting of Fluffy Pants Doofenshmirtz appears on the screen)


(Scene switches to Candace and Stacy, who are on their way to the spa.)
Candace: So what do you think? Soak, steam, sauna then shower? Or shower, steam, soak then sauna?
Jeremy: Hey, Candace.
Candace: Hi, Yumemy. Uh, uh, I mean...
Stacy: Hi, Jeremy.
Jeremy: I'm on my way to build houses for charity. You girls want to come with?
Stacy: Oh, we can't because we're going to the... (Candace quickly elbows her) Ow!
Candace: Oh, wow, philanthropy.
Stacy: But what about the... (Candace elbows her again; she falls to the ground) Ow!
Jeremy: Uh, it's okay, Candace, if you guys are too busy.
Stacy: Hey, what was that all about?
Candace: Uh, please hold. (to Stacy) Look, I don't want him knowing about the whole spa thing. He'll think all I care about is myself.
Jeremy: Candace.
Candace: Uno momento, por favor. (to Stacy) Look, look, we'll go "help people" for, like, 15 minutes and then we'll go to the spa.
Jeremy: Candace.
Candace: Your call is very important to us and will be answered in the order received. (to Stacy) We'll still be able to make to our spa day.
Jeremy: Candace, if you'd rather have a spa day...
Candace: You heard spa day? Because I said, "Hurrah day". Like, "Hurrah, I can't wait to build houses." That's what we're doing, right?


(Scene shifts to the Flynn-Fletcher house; backyard)
Phineas: Salt scrub. Nice, nice. Milk bath. Good. Hey, where's Buford with the seaweed?
(Scene switches to Buford, who's fighting with the giant squid over some seaweed.)
(Back in the backyard)
(truck beeping)
Phineas: Hey, Ferb, the volcanic rock is here.
Delivery Man 1: Yeah, you're going to want to let this cool down a bit before you use it.


(At Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.)
Doofenshmirtz: Aw, he's such a cute little kitty. That's right. That's right. He loves his tuna fish. Yes, you eat that and I'll be over here working on my latest project. (pushes a button; chuckles) I'm painting.
Mr. Fluffy Pants: (Meows)
Doofenshmirtz: Aw, I see you found my blueprints.
Mr. Fluffy Pants: (Purrs)
Doofenshmirtz: You like those? You like...? (the little kitty proceeds to start shredding the blueprints) No! No, not my blueprints! (beeping) No!
Mr. Fluffy Pants: (Jumps up and down on the controller.)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, no. What are you doing? I worked all... (blubbering) No, not the Gloom-inator! No, no. Get off, get off.
(The Gloom-inator fires a blue beam at the sun. Gray clouds then covers up the sky.)


(Scene shifts to the house building site)
Woman: Wow. I hope it doesn't rain on us. (sighs) Anyway, I want to thank you all for volunteering today. Now, if I could have you two on drywall duty. And, you, you're on baseboard duty. (to Jeremy) And I could use you on conduit duty.
Candace: Let's go.
Woman: Oh, sorry, girls. I've got you two earmarked for nail duty.
Stacy, Candace: Yay!
Woman: And that doesn't mean manicures.
Stacy, Candace: Aw.


(At the backyard)
Phineas: Heh, don't worry, Ferb. Your secret's safe with me. Don't we have one more truck coming?
(truck beeping)
Delivery Man 2: Excuse me, we have a delivery for Phineas Flynn.
Phineas: That's me.
Delivery Man 2: We've got 18 cases of cucumbers right here. (camera pans to the aforesaid cases)
Delivery Man 3: Say, aren't you a little young to order all this?
Delivery Man 2: Yes, yes, he is. (to Phineas) Sorry, Phineas, he's new.
Phineas: No problem, welcome to the job. Hey, where's Perry?


(Scene switches to the kitchen where Perry looks around to see if anyone is coming. He then puts on his fedora, opens the trash can, and dives into it.)
Major Monogram: Uh, say, Carl, have you seen my parachute pants?
Carl: Yes, they're very nice, sir.
Major Monogram: That's not what I meant.
Carl: I know, sir, I was making a joke.
Major Monogram: Oh, that's.... Of course. That's very funny.
Carl: Thank you, sir.
Major Monogram: So, where are they?
Carl: I'll go get them.
(At that moment, Perry enters his lair and lands on his chair.)
Major Monogram: Agent P, you're... you're here. Ahem. The, uh, Tri-State Area is mired in gloom and we believe Doofenshmirtz is behind it. We thought he retired the Gloom-inator, so this one is a big question mark. I'm sure you'll know what to do, Agent P.
(Perry salutes)
So, Carl, how are we doing on those pants?
Carl: Did you want the ones with the triangles or the imitation paint splatters?
Major Monogram: Triangles. And make it snappy. (pauses) I got the urge to pop and lock.


(At the house building site)
Stacy: Let's hurry up so we don't miss our appointment.
Candace: Oh, hey, Jeremy.
Jeremy: How's it going, girls?
Candace: Oh, you know, we're just over here helping and being all buildery and stuff.
Jeremy: Cool beans. I'll let you get back to it.
Candace: Yeah, cool beans. Cool legumes. (accidentally hits a hammer on one of Stacy's fingers)
Stacy: Ow!

Candace: Okay, we'll just finish this wall and then we'll be able to make it to the... (lets go of a ply-board she was holding and then waves) Oh, hi, Jeremy.
(Jeremy waves back as the ply-board falls on Stacy.)
He's so dreamy. See what I mean?


(At Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.)
Doofenshmirtz: No, no, don't touch the... Oh, get away from that, you bad, bad kitty. No, not the Erase-inator.
(Mr. Fluffy Pants leaps onto the Erase-inator and lands on its button. A green laser hits a billboard for Fitzal's Hats, which then disappears.)
Doofenshmirtz: Not the Bigger-inator.
(While he says that, the mischievous cat jumps onto the aforesaid -inator and activates it. The moon gets hit by a green laser and immediately increases in size.)
No! Look what you did to the moon. It's huge. It's... Uh... It's... Uh... It's actually kinda pretty.
(In the background, the door slams open and the camera pans to reveal that Perry kicked it down.)
Perry the Platypus!
(Perry folds his arms and glares at Doofenshmirtz)
Doofenshmirtz: (while gesturing and waving his arms around) No, no. You think I did all this...
(Camera pans to Perry, who raises an eyebrow and then blinks.)
Doofenshmirtz: It wasn't me, I tell you. (points to Mr. Fluffy Pants) It was Mr. Fluffy Pants.
(Perry glares at Doofenshmirtz again and then looks to where the white-and-black cat is innocently sleeping in his bed.)
I call him Mr. Fluffy Pants. You know, he's fluffy, he looks like he's got pants. Plus, he reminds me of my Uncle Fluffy Pants.
(Once again, the painting of Fluffy Pants Doofenshmirtz appears on the screen. Only this time the camera pans back to reveal that he's wearing white boxer shorts with pink hearts on it.)
Doofenshmirtz: Who never actually wore any pants. Come to think of it, I don't know why we called him that.
Hmm. Anyway, I just love giving people nicknames. For instance, you're Mr. Duck-Bill Face. And Major Monogram, I call him "Monobrow". (laughs) That's a good one, you know, because he's... He's got the one, you know? And his little friend, the intern, is Dr. Coconut. (pauses) Yeah. Sometimes I wish I didn't know so much.
(After he finished speaking, Perry leaps up, punches him in the face, and then jumps down onto the floor.)


(At the house building site)
Candace: Oh, Stacy, don't you just love how Jeremy buckles his tool belt on the third loop?
Stacy: (muffled cries)
Candace: (dreamily) Me, too. We're so gonna get married some day. Did I tell you what we're gonna name our kids? Xavier and Amanda.
Stacy: That's it! Our appointment's in five minutes, and I'm going with or without you.
Woman: Oh, are you leaving? I was kind of hoping that maybe you could help me with a teensy-weesny little task. I need that slab of concrete turned into rubble by sundown. You don't mind, right? I mean... After all, it is for the less fortunate. Thanks, I knew I could count on you.
Jeremy: Hey, Candace. I just finished my side of the house and I'm heading home. It was nice hanging out with you all day.
Candace: Bye, Jeremy. It was nice hanging out with you, too. All day. (giggles) Did you hear that? We hung out all day.
(Candace leans against the jackhammer, which causes the motor to start.)
Stacy: (while causing a mess with the jackhammer) Ah, help me!
Candace: I'm coming. Stacy!
Stacy: Out of the way!
Candace: (screaming)

(In the following scene, the girls are leaving the house building site.)
Candace: I'm sorry we had to clean up everything destroyed and had to rebuild it, I'm especially sorry I made us miss our spa appointment, but most of all, I'm sorry for being a bad friend. I was just trying to impress Jeremy and I lost sight of...
Stacy: Okay, you can stop that right now. You're starting to sound like one of those TV show we like to make fun of.
Candace: But, Stacy, I...
Stacy: Look, the way I see it, you prevented me from going to the spa, almost killed me with a jackhammer, dropped a wall on me, I've gypsum in my hair, and basically wasted my whole day. But you did it for love, so it's okay.
Candace: Really?
Stacy: Yeah, remember that time in the third grade?
Candace: You mean when you glued that hamster to my hair just to impress Billy Clark?
Stacy: Yeah, it's just like that.
Candace, Stacy: (sigh) Billy Clark.
Candace: So, I guess we're even.
(Candace walks into the backyard and then stops)
Candace: Oh.
Stacy: My.
Candace: Gosh.
(Camera shows various places of the spa Phineas and Ferb had built in the backyard.)
Buford: It's not plugged in.
Phineas: Hey, sis. Wow, you seem pretty wiped out. Looks like you two could use a spa day.
Candace: A backyard spa? You guys are so bust...
(Stacy glares at her.)
Yeah, that sounds great.

(Song: Spa Day)
Background Voice: It's spa day
A day to unwind
We'll walk on your spine
We'll be kind...

(The song turns into a seaweed rap tune)

Ferb: It's spa day!
Phineas: Yeah!
Ferb: P & F on the scene!
Gonna slather you with butter
Make you feel like a queen

Get you sittin' in the hot tub—
Isabella, Fireside Girls: Loungin'!
Ferb: You're thinkin' this place is—
Isabella, Fireside Girls: —Astoundin'!
Ferb: Hot steam, hot stones, hot water, hot wax!
We're poppin' cool new age music, can't help but relax!

(new-age theme plays)

It's a spa day,
Phineas: Yeah!
Ferb: Shiatsu—
Phineas: Gesundheit!
Ferb: Thank you very much,
We got a salt scrub, a mud tub; what's it gonna be?
A foot bath, a facial, aromatherapy!
Phineas, Ferb: (both inhale deeply) Yeah...
Aromatherapy!

Ferb: It's spa day!
Phineas: Yeah!
Ferb: Shiatsu!
Male Voice: Where ya from?
Masseur: I'm Pennsylvania-Dutch
Ferb: Sippin' cucumber water and a big slice of lime,
Throw your clock away, you're on P & F time! It's a—
Background Voice: Spa day!

Phineas: Well, you two are our last customers. We're gonna go ahead and close up, but you're welcome to stay as long as you like.


(At Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.)
Doofenshmirtz: Wait, I keep telling you; it's not me, it's him. (points to the right) Look over there. Look.
(Camera pans to Mr. Fluffy Pants, who's sitting on the Erase-inator. He meows then presses the button with a paw.)


(In the backyard, the laser from the Erase-inator makes the entire spa disappear just before Linda opens the gate.)
Linda: Candace? Stacy? .... What are you doing?
Candace: We're enjoying the spa.
Linda: What spa?
Candace: Well, Phineas and Ferb... The spa's gone, isn't it?
Linda: What does that even mean?
Candace: Ah. Never mind.


(At Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.)
Doofenshmirtz: See? See, I told you it wasn't me.
(Mr. Fluffy Pants meows and then falls off of the Erase-inator. Luckily, he caught the end of it with his front paws.)
Doofenshmirtz: No! Mr. Fluffy Pants! (he grabs the cat just in the nick of time) Wait. Wait, wait, wait. Oh, that was close, Mr. Fluffy Pants. You almost... (screaming) You know, I think you're more trouble than you're worth.
(Perry dives off of the building, the parachute opens, and he catches both Doofenshmirtz and Mr. Fluffy Pants.)
Perry!

(In the next scene, Doofenshmirtz and Mr. Fluffy Pants are safe on the sidewalk thanks to Perry.)
Doofenshmirtz: Aw, he seems okay. He seems so lovely-dovey.
Boy: My cat. I've been looking all over for him. (holds up a missing poster)
Doofenshmirtz: (after a long pause) Ah, I'm going to have to do the right thing here, aren't I? Fine. Here you go.
(Doofenshmirtz hands Mr. Fluffy Pants, or rather Mr. Cat, to its rightful owner.)
Crowd: Aw!
(Camera pans out to reveal that a crowd had gathered to witness the event.)
Doofenshmirtz: Don't you people have jobs?

End Credits

(Song: Dr. Coconut)
Oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh,
Doctor Coconut
Look out
Here he comes

Doctor Coconut
Look out
Here he comes

Doctor Coconut

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