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The Fast and the Phineas/Transcript

< The Fast and the Phineas

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(Scene opens up with camera zooming into the backyard.)
Phineas: So Ferb, what should we do today? I mean, besides giving Perry a bath.
(Both sniff, Perry chatters, race car sound)
Phineas: (peeking over the fence) What is that wonderful noise?
(Camera shows a car race miles from the house)
Awesome. Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today!
(They start to work on the car)

Candace: Oh, I have got to take a new picture of myself for my blog. I didn't realize mine is already a week old. (Takes a picture of herself) That's better.
(Candace walks off, but snaps back to the garage entrance as she notices the boys working on the car)
Phineas: We tricked it out!
Candace: You don't even know how to drive.
Phineas: Well, duh. That's why Ferb built this remote.
(Ferb activates the remote which activates the engine)
Candace: (deeply) Oh, you are so busted.
(she exits the room and starts opening and closing doors)
Candace: (opens door) Mom?! (closes door, opens another) Mom?! (closes door, opens another) Mom?! (closes door, reenters garage) Um, where's Mom? (smiles awkwardly)
Phineas: She's playing bridge at Mrs. Garcia-Shapiro's!
(Candace grins, then slips out. Ferb closes the hood)

(Scene shifts outside)
Candace: Heh, they won't get away with it this time!
(Candace goes to the Garcia-Shapiro household and rings the doorbell. Briefly, she turns her head to face the house, raising her eyebrows sneekly. Vivian comes out)
Vivian: Oh, Candace, dear. Bubela, how good to see you. What a coincidence. Do you know your mom is here?
Candace: Mmm-mmm. Yeah, I do, Mrs. Garcia-Shapiro. I need to talk to her if you don't mind.
Vivian: Oy-vey. Look how tall you are now. You must've grown a couple of inches since the last time I've saw you.
Candace: That was last week, Mrs. Garcia-Shapiro.
Vivian: Well your mom's inside, dear. Where are your braces? I thought you were wearing braces.
Candace: Yeah. MOM! MOM! MOM! (runs inside)
(Cut to Linda playing Bridge)
Linda: What is it, Candace?
Candace: Oh, you have got to see what Phineas and Ferb are doing!
(Linda gives a bored blank expression)

(Car zooms past Phineas and Ferb four times. The first time, their hair is blown forward. The second, their hair is burst. Third, their hair is switched. Fourth, their hair is normal again)
Phineas: Hey, Ferb. What's the red button for?
(Car continues zooming, Ferb pushes the red button on remote)
(Explosion as the car blasts upward)
Linda: What is it? What do you want me to see?
Candace: (guestures toward the boys) Quick!
Phineas: Hi, Mom!
Linda: Hi, boys! (to Candace) Well, if that's all, I'll just be getting back to the game.
(Candace just stands there deadpanned. Just after Linda closes the door, the car thuds back onto the road)
Phineas: Good thing we've beefed up the suspension.

(Ferb makes the car spin)
Phineas: Woah! What else can it do?
Isabella: (Dreamy look and voice) Hi, Phineas.
Phineas: Oh, hi, Isabella.
Isabella: What'cha doin'?
Phineas: We're entering The Swamp Oil 500 today.
Isabella: Aren't you gonna need a pit crew?
Phineas: Do you know a pit crew?
Isabella: Well...I know a few people who work well together.
Phineas: Great! You're hired! See you at the track. (To Ferb) Hey Ferb, where's Perry?

(Scene shifts to Perry's lair)
Major Monogram: Good morning, Agent P. The evil Dr. Doofenshmirtz is up to his old tricks. For reasons completely unknown, he's purchased a giant airship or blimp, as the kids say. Your mission is to find out why, and if necessary, put a stop to it.
Doo be doo be doo ba Doo be doo be doo ba

(Scene shifts to the race track)
Isabella: (Dreamily) Hi, Phineas. I got your pit crew.
(Show the Fireside Girls lined up behind Isabella)
Phineas: Cool! See ya in the pits.
Isabella: Okay, girls. We're dealing with a 426 cubic inch, fully-blown V8, with hypo lifters, radical cam and a limited slip differential.
Gretchen: Would that be electronically fuel-injected?

Candace: Phineas?! PHINEAS! PHIN-E-AS!
Man: Hey! I can't hear the cars!
Jeremy: Hey, Candace! I didn't know you were a racing fan!
Candace: Jeremy. (Slaps) Who, me? Oh, yeah! Yeah, I'm a big fan of those, uh, uh...that red one is cute!
Jeremy: Oh, that's Billy Ray Digler's car. He's great.
Candace: Yeah, he's the best. That Billy Roy.
Jeremy: Billy Ray.
Candace: Billy Ray. I-I love it when he turns left... and then he turns... left again, and then-

Dave: And in the 3rd lane, the newcomers Team Phineas! Now is it just me, or does he look a little young to be behind the wheel of a 700 horse power racing machine?
Rick: Yes. Yes, he does.
Dave: And look, he's already got his own screaming fans!
Candace: (On screen) PHINEAS!
Phineas: Hey, Candace is rooting for us!
Jeremy: Candace, you're on the big screen!
Candace: (On screen, slow mo) PHINEAS!
Jeremy: And your little brother's gonna be on TV!
Candace: Phineas--? (sees him being interviewed) On TV? (Stands up) TV! That's it! They are so busted! Can you wait here for a second? (zips off, but comes back) Thanks. (zips off)

(Scene shifts to the Garcia-Shapiro house)
Linda: What is it, Candace? I'm right in the middle of a 3-No trump.
Candace: (on a payphone at the race) Turn on the TV!
Linda: All right. All right, Candace. This better be good.
(Linda presses a remote, the TV shows static)
Candace: (from the phone) Well? Well? Do you see it?
Linda: Just a second, honey.
Vivian: Turn on the cable box first.
Linda: Hmm. All right. (Presses another remote, ejecting a CD) Wait. 'Kay, that's not it. Um, is it this one? No, this is another phone.
-Summer only lasts-
Oh, I turned on the stereo!
Candace: (cringing) Mom, hurry up!
Linda: Okay, just a second! (Presses the right remote)
TV Narrator: Are you embarrassed about flaking? Itching? Peeling?
Linda: Candace, this is a dandruff commercial. Is there something you're trying to tell me?

(Scene immediately shifts to the race track. The race is about to start)
Phineas: Okay, Ferb. Are we good to go?
(Ferb gives a thumbs up)

Rick: And with the race about to start, there's the Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated blimp!

Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.!
Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the Platypus. I'm glad you're here. Actually, I was just getting ready to serve some PLATYPUS UNDER GLASS! You're just in time to witness my latest Deflate-inator Ray! Which I will demonstrate by deflating the tires of the Jefferson County Motor Speedway! After which, I will deflate everything in the Tri-State Area! That way, if anyone want's anything flated, they will have to talk to me.

(Scene shifts to the race track)
Candace: Phineas, you are in big trouble, mister--! (Cars zoom past her, leaving her burnt)
Jeremy: Candace, you got a little...
Photographer: (takes picture) Smile! Souvenir picture? Only a dollar.
(Candace looks at her picture. She is burnt and Jeremy is staring confused)
Candace: AAH! (shakes herself clean) Wait a second. (Grabs camera, runs off)
Photographer: Hey!
Candace: (Takes a picture of Phineas driving) Ee-ee-ee-ee... now, I gotcha!
Photographer: (Snatches picture) Hey, Missy. Two pictures, two bucks.
Candace: Oh, yeah, uh, I've only got a dollar, but uh, I just want the one. You can just tear the other one up, 'kay?
(The photographer rips one picture)
Candace: (rides out on bike) I've got 'em, NOW! Heeheehee.

Rick: And on the fast on the inside lane is Number 42, Team Phineas!
Phineas: Hey, Ferb. Do you think we can get any more power? I mean, I know it's just a battery. But I was thinking: Let's open it up and see what this puppy can- (Classic car honking) Uh, Ferb? We're actually slowing down now. Ferb? Hello? (Car speeds up) OH YEAH! NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT!

(Telephone rings)
Isabella: Hey, Ferb. We should bring Phineas in for a pit stop. All right, Fireside Girls, let's move, move, move!
(The girls work on fixing the car)
Isabella: That helmet looks so manly.
Phineas: Thanks.
Isabella: Hit it, Ferb.
(The car takes off)
I'm so proud of you girls. And the bow was a nice touch, Gretchen.
(Engine whirring)

(Scene shifts to the D.E.I blimp)
Doofenshmirtz: (Laughing) Listen to those fools, as they worship their candy-colored race car man. How about a little demonstration of my deflationary prowess? (Fires laser)

(Scene shifts to the race track)
Man #2: I got it! (Ball hissing, tires screeching)
Race Car Driver: AAH! (Tires screeching, rams a sign)

(Song: "Go, Go, Phineas")
Rick: The Team Phineas car is avoiding every obstacle! It's like he can see the whole darn track at once!
(Guitar solo)
Isabella/Fireside Girls: Go Phineas! Go, go Phineas! (X2)
Phineas: OH YEAH!
Isabella/Fireside Girls: Go Phineas! Go, go Phineas! (X2)
Racers: We're okay! (Car zooms by)

(Scene shifts to the Garcia-Shapiro house)
Candace: Well Mom, what do you think of this?
Linda: You've...looked better.
Candace: Huh? What do you mean--? (looks at picture, starts to cringe)
(Camera shows that Candace brought the picture of herself burnt. She screams loud and very long)

(Scene shifts to the D.E.I. blimp)
Doofenshmirtz: Already they fear me, listen to their screams, huh? Imagine the mayhem once my Deflate-inator ray is fully charged. (at the mouse in the machine) Run! Run like the wind, my little indentured rodent. And I will give you some cheese. Heh, I know I had some around here somewhere.
(Perry pulls out a briefcase filled with cheeses; Grabs stinky cheese and loads it onto a crossbow.)
Doofenshmirtz: I think there's some- There used to be some Roquefort around the back here. I don't...
(Perry fires the crossbow.)
(Mouse squeaking)
Doofenshmirtz: Hmm? AYYY! AY-AY-AY-AYYY! (Glass breaks) Agh! Oof! (Laser fires, Blimp deflating) Hmm. I suppose I should've seen that coming.

(Scene shifts to the Garcia-Shapiro house)
Candace: (from inside) But Mom, you've gotta believe me! (cuts inside) Wait a minute. I bet it's still on TV! (runs off)
Linda: (Flatly) That's good, Candace. Go watch a little TV.
(Candace turns on the TV, the screen shows Phineas winning the race. There is a flash, freeze-frame)
Dave: And look at this amazing finish.
Candace: (Stammering) Mom, come quick! Come look-look-look-look-look!!
Linda: All right! I'm coming! (stands up)
Candace: Ee-ee-ee-ee...
Dave: Oh no! A blimp is about to hit the broadcasting tower! Oh, the hu-
(The TV goes to static. Candace just sits there standing as Linda enters right on schedule.)
Linda: Ah-huh...?
Candace: Meap.
Linda: (leaving) Deal me back in, Viv.

(Scene shifts to the race track)
(Tires squealing, car zooms off)
Phineas: Hmm. Looks like we're walking.
Doofenshmirtz: AAH!

(Candace walks back to the Flynn-Fletcher house)
Candace: (Mimicking Linda) "Why don't you go back home, Candace?" "I'm busy with my bridge game, Candace?" She has no idea!! (echo)
(Candace gasps, then looks behind her to see the garage empty. Crickets chirp in the background, Candace smiles.)

(Scene shifts to Perry and Doofenshmirtz fighting)
Doofenshmirtz: AHH-AHH-AHH-AHH-AHH! AAH!
(Explosion, Perry blasts into space on the car)

(Back with Candace...)
Candace: (Runs up to Vivian's house and repeatedly knocks on the door hard) MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM!
Vivian: Oh, Candace, hello. I can't believe you grown so much, it's unbelievable--
Candace: MOM! (Goes to the living room) Mom, you've gotta see this! It's about your car!
Linda: (While Candace smiles) All right. (Candace drags her)

(the car is shown falling)

Candace: (literally pushes Linda across the street) Come on, come on, come on!
Linda: Candace, you're wearing out the heels of my shoes.

(In the garage, Candace opens the door from the kitchen, oblivious to the action)
Candace: See Mom?! Look, look! I told you--
Linda: (Gasps) But...who did this?
Candace: Phineas and Ferb.
Linda: You mean...they...?
Candace: (overlapping) Yeah, yeah, yeah! (laughs chaotically)
Linda: (overjoyed) They washed my car!?
Candace: (mood changing with each word) Yes!!--No--What?
(Her perspective, the car is back, clean with nothing on it. Perry walks by and chatters)
Linda: It's beautiful!
(For the rest of the scene, Candace stands deadpanned with her mouth open)
I gotta admit, I thought you we're exaggerating a bit, but this is really worth getting excited about!
Phineas: (walking in the background, trophy in hand) Hi, Mom, we're home!
Linda: Hey, boys! I saw what you did today.
Phineas: (Referring to the race) Yeah, how'd you like it?
Linda: I loved it! Now who wants some snacks?
(Rock theme)
Phineas: (offscreen) Thanks, Mom!
(Music stops)
Linda: (At Candace) Honey, close your mouth.
(Music resumes; iris out and Candace does not close her mouth on the still shot)

End Credits

(Song: "Go, Go, Phineas")
(Guitar solo)
Isabella/Fireside Girls: Go Phineas! Go, go Phineas! (X2)
Phineas: OH YEAH!
Isabella/Fireside Girls: Go Phineas! Go, go Phineas!

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