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The Klimpaloon Ultimatum/Transcript

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Part 1

(Song: "My Undead Mummy" (instrumental))
(Scene opens up on the Flynn-Fletcher house at early sunrise.)
Candace: (offscreen) Okay, Stace. Let's try again.
(Cut to Candace's bedroom where Candace is playing with Stacy's face.)
Stacy: (mumbles)
Candace: It's really more in the cheeks. Like this: "Nang nang nang nang nang nang nang..."
Stacy: Oh, I give up! It's a good thing you won that contest to perform backup with Love Händel.
Candace: Yes, in "The Ballad of Klimpaloon", I will be playing Klimpaloon. Check out my Klimpy style!
Stacy: Girl, I have already cashed that check, and I don't even know what that means.
Candace and Stacy: (giggle) Girl talk!
(horn honks)
Linda: (offscreen) Honey, the limo's here to take us to the award show!
Candace: Be right there! (gasps, to Stacy) I gotta go!
Stacy: You go, girl!
(They attempt to high five each other, but miss.)
Candace: Let's never speak of this again.

(Cut to the living room. Phineas and Ferb are dressed in tuxedos reading a book on the couch. Linda and Lawrence walk in dressed as Lindana and Max Modem, respectively.)
(*They will be noted as Lindana and Max Modem from this point on.*)
Max Modem: Come on, boys. Time to go.
Phineas: You guys look great!
Max Modem: Well, Lindana and Max Modem have to look their best when presenting our category, don't we?
Lindana: Whatcha got there?
Phineas: This is the first journal of the famous explorer, Sir Alvin Shackleberg. He was the first person to sight Klimpaloon, the magical old-timey bathing suit that lives in the Himalayas. We got this to help Candace research her "Nang nang nangs" for "The Ballad of Klimpaloon".
Max Modem: How marvelous. It reminds me of the time when—
Candace: Sorry, Dad, there's no time for that now. We gotta go while I'm still in the zone. (walking like Klimaploon) Nang nang nang nang nang nang nang.
Phineas: She's good. (gets off the couch and walks out with Ferb) It's like Klimpaloon was right here in the room with us.
(Cut to outside.)
Phineas: Whoa, sweet limo! Ferb, I know what we're gonna do tomorrow! (Ferb shows a blueprint) How do we do it? Hey, where's Perry?

(Cut to Perry putting on his fedora. He runs off and gets a yoga mat and meditates.)
Doo bee doo bee doo bah
Doo bee doo bee doo bah
Perry: (chatters)
(Psychedelic transition to a hilly plain. We hear Indian music. Major Monogram appears floating on a cloud with a third eye on his forehead, long flowing hair and a beard, wearing an Indian robe and playing a sitar.)
Major Monogram: Ah, Agent P, I see you got the memo. It's Transcendental Meditation Week. Namasté. (He bows and Perry bows back.) Doofenshmirtz has been spot—Carl, enough with the drumming!
(Whip pan to Carl and both Agent D's playing djembes on another floating cloud.)
Carl: Sorry, sir, I just, sorta, got into a groove.
(Cut back to Monogram and Perry.)
Major Monogram: Anyway, Doofenshmirtz has been spotted as a seat filler at the Fourth Annual 24-Hour Tri-State Area Music Awards. As you know, Doof's brother, Roger, is emceeing the event. We're not sure what he's up to, but we need you to suss it out. (His floating cloud starts to rain.) That's the... That's the cloud. Good luck, Agent P!
(Psychedelic transition back to the backyard. Perry runs off, then runs back to take his yoga mat with him.)

(Cut to the pavilion where the awards are being held. Applause is heard.)
Announcer: Live from Random Stadium, Random Swimwear presents The 4th Annual Tri-State Area Music Awards: The Tristies! Sponsored by Random Swimwear. Be wet...arbitrarily. Tonight's musical guests include Love Händel, Slamm Hammer, Tiny Cowboy, 2 Guyz N the Parque, Danny and the Jaytones, the Paisley Sideburn Brothers, Marty the Rabbit Boy and His Musical Blender, and many, many more. Seriously, many more, 'cause it''s 24 hours. And now, welcome your host and lovable mayor, Roger Doofenshmirtz!
Roger: We've got a lot great music for you tonight, and a lot of...other music. So let's get things started, shall we? Please welcome to the stage our presenters for the fact-based song category, the girl who just wants to have fun and the guy who, I guess, wants fun to have with. Lindana and Max Modem!
(Song: "I'm Lindana and I Wanna Have Fun!"/"Alien Heart" (instrumental))
(Cut to Candace offstage.)
Candace: Yeah! (whoops) Go, Mom! Go, Dad!
(The microphone raises up from the platform, but it only goes up to Lindana and Max's legs.)
Stage Manager: (offstage) Just go! Just go! I'll fix it later!
Max Modem: (bends down) Our first nominee for...
Lindana: (also bends down) ...the fact-based song category is, Slamm Hammer, with their hit, "Trees are Made of Wood".
(Applause. Whip pan to the band Slamm Hammer playing their song.)
(Song: "Trees are Made of Wood")
Slamm: Wow! Trees are made of wood!
(The song ends. Slamm drops the mic and the band leaves to applause. Cut back to Lindana and Max as the microphone suddenly raises up way too high. Cut to the stage manager giving a thumbs up. Lindana gets on Max's shoulders. Cut to the audience where Doofenshmirtz is seen sitting.)
Lindana: (offscreen) The second nominee in the fact-based song category are the Hockey Hooligans with "Hockey Z-9".
Doofenshmirtz: (talking over) Excuse me. Pardon me.
(Song: "Hockey Z-9")
Doofenshmirtz: Excuse me. Excuse me, pardon me.
Hockey Hooligans: Oh, yeah!
Doofenshmirtz: Excusez-moi. Con permiso, por favor.
Hockey Hooligans: Don't turn away, I'm talking to you, sir
'Bout the post-apocalyptic sport of the future
Doofenshmirtz: Hee hee!

(Cut to backstage as the song continues. Doofenshmirtz sneaks into a door labeled "wardrobe". Agent P follows him. Cut to the Wardrobe room.)
Doofenshmirtz: Aha! Perry the Platypus, your timing is incredible! And by that, I mean, "Completely credible!!" (Traps Perry in a wig) But you've found yourself in a hairy situation! Because of the trap, it's...Which is a wig. Stop me if you've already made the connection. Anyway, you're just in time for my latest inator. (Takes out a spray bottle.) Behold! (Perry just looks at him unimpressed.) I know what you're thinking. And, no, I did not invent a spray bottle, Perry the Platypus. Just stay with me through my backstory, alright? You see, I was reading The Danville City Charter...again, when I learned an interesting fact.
Doofenshmirtz: (voiceover) Back in 1805, Danville actually elected a warthog as mayor. The public was fed up with the previous administration and thought, "Hey, what's the worst that could happen?" Nepotism, that's what. He filled the cabinet with his uncles and brothers and distant cousins and all of City Hall was full of swine. Except for one chair that they kept empty, so y'know it wouldn't be...
(End flashback.)
Doofenshmirtz: conspicuous. So it was decided never to allow another warthog to be in a position of authority. Pe-Perry the Platypus, are you texting while I'm monologuing?! (He is. Doofenshmirtz takes the cell phone away. Perry simply shrugs.) Y'know, I'm just gonna hold onto this until I'm done, (puts phone in his pocket) 'cause I can get your full attention. Anyway, I'm thinking, "Nepotism. City Hall. My brother, Roger." And suddenly, I know what to do! Turn my brother into a warthog!
(Flashback to D.E.I., where Norm is in a tub stomping on some warthogs.)
Doofenshmirtz: (voiceover) So, through the use of pseudo-technology, I created this elixir, that, when sprayed on an individual, actually transforms them into a warthog.
(End flashback. Perry simply looks at him again.)
Doofenshmirtz: What? I said, "pseudo." Anyway, once I collected enough elixir, I put it in this: my Warthog-Sprayer-inator! See? There's a method to my lameness. I'm gonna find out when Roger's on stage and then I'm gonna turn him into a warthog in front of everybody! That will remove him from power because of the aforementioned Warthog Nepotism Act. But, y'know, the embarrassment is just's a cherry on top.
Stagehand: (passing by) Right this way, Mr. Mayor.
Doofenshmirtz: (gasps) Now's my chance! (kisses) Peace out, Perry the Platypus!
(Doofenshmirtz storms out the door. Perry opens the door with his duck bill.)

(Cut to backstage.)
Stagehand: Love Händel with Candace Flynn, you're on in five!
Candace: OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG, OM—
(Cut to the stage. The microphone is now way too low. The stage manager beckons for them to move on. Max shrugs.)
Lindana: I guess just introduce the next act.
Max Modem: (sticking his head into the hole) The last nominee in the fact-based category, "The Ballad of Klimpaloon" sung by Love Händel...
Lindana: (also sticking her head into the hole) ...who are joined by contest winner...
Lindana and Max Modem: Candace Flynn!
Ferb: (wolf-whistles)
Phineas: Go, Candace!
(record scratch)
Slamm: I object! The song does not belong in the fact-based song category! Klimpaloon is not real!!
Phineas: What?!
Ferb: What?
Lindana: What?
Sherman: What?
Danny and Bobbi: What?
Candace: What?
Everyone: WHAT?!?!!
Sherman: My nana told me stories about Klimpaloon.
Slamm: Well, that's not good enough. Seeing is believing! And no one has ever seen Klimpaloon!
Candace: Um, excuse me, but I have seen him!
Phineas: That's right! You tell 'im, Candace!
Mr. Random: (emerging from the shadows) I'm afraid that's not good enough either.
Max Modem: Ladies and gentlemen, Mittington Random!
Mr. Random: Thank you, Max...errr...whoever. Mittington Random here, sponsor of the show and President of Random Swimwear. You're welcome. According to the rules, when a fact-based song is called into question, physical proof must be presented here within 24 hours.
Danny: How are we supposed to do that?
Mr. Random: Well, actually, you can't.
Danny: Wait, what?!
Mr. Random: Oh, Daniel, the rules clearly state that the band, along with the presenters, are to be locked in a soundproof room for 24 hours or until evidence is provided, whichever comes first.
Max Modem: Wait a minute, why the presenters?
Mr. Random: I can't hear you 'cause you're supposed to be in a soundproof booth.
(Love Händel, Lindana and Max are led offstage.)
Lindana: Oh oh oh...
Mr. Random: Move along.
Lindana: Candace, you're in charge.
Mr. Random: Okay, sorry for the inconvenience, folks, but it looks like we're gonna have to move this category to the end of the show.
(curtain closes)
(Song: "Forever Summer" (instrumental))
(A card showing the Random Swimwear logo appears.)
Candace: Phineas, Ferb, we need to find Klimpaloon and bring him back within 24 hours!
Phineas: We're way ahead of you! Ferb's rounding up the gang!
(Cut to the wings as Slamm sees this.)
Slamm: Those darn kids! I'll stop at nothing to make sure they don't prove the existence of Klimpaloon! Nothing!
(Cut to Doofenshmirtz.)
Stagehand: You're on next, Mr. Mayor, after the pork-based world music act.
Doofenshmirtz: Now's my chance! (he sprays the inator, but Perry blocks the shot) No! Oh, Perry the Platypus!
(Perry slides into some random instruments and a Rastafarian-colored blanket. He gets up to reveal he is now a warthog wearing the dreadlocks wig and the Rastafarian cap and a tambourine on his beaver tail.)
Stagehand: Swine Flute, you're on! Where's your tambourine player?!
Flautist: No show, man.
Doofenshmirtz: Ha ha! Look at you, Perry the Rasta-Warthogapus! (laughs, but Perry kicks him backwards)
Flautist: (to Perry) Kid, you've got the goods.
Announcer: And now, here's Swine Flute!
(The band and Perry go onstage. Perry jingles the tambourine on his tail.)
Flautist: More tambourine, man!

(Cut to the Himalayas where Phineas and the gang are riding yaks.)
Buford: Isn't anyone gonna talk about how we got here so fast?
Phineas: Sorry, Buford. We don't have the time for that. Ferb?
Ferb: Two words: "Travel montage."
Buford: I got two words for you: "Cli. Ché."
(Ferb opens up the book he and Phineas were reading earlier in the episode. The page reads: "Once I arrived in the Himalayas to search for the Klimpaloon, the Old Timey bathing suit, etc, etc... The start of my journey began at Mount Crest...")
Map Montage: At Mount Crest, Phineas and the gang and the yaks ski downhill.
Baljeet and Phineas: (whooping)
Candace: (laughs)
Isabella: Woohoo!
Buford: Oh yeah!
Yaks: (no comment)
Map Montage: Phineas and the gang Chute the Chutes. They arrive at a tunnel. A mysterious figure appears behind them.
(Cut to outside the tunnel.)
Buford: Anyone else get the feelin' we're bein' followed?
Baljeet: No, not a bit.
Isabella: Paranoid.
Candace: Okay, Ferb, where to next? (Ferb turns the page to reveal it's blank.) That's it?
Phineas: We lost the auction for volume two.
Ferb: We got sniped.
Buford: What about that cave up there with the weird Klimpaloon-shaped totem?
Baljeet: If Buford is now the brains of this operation, my life has lost all meaning!
Buford: Watch it! Long underwear makes the best wedgies!
Phineas: Candace, make the sound!
Candace: Nang nang nang nang nang!
Echo: Nang nang nang nang nang! Nang nang nang nang nang!
Klimpaloon: Nang nang nang nang nang nang nang nang!
All: (gasp)
Phineas: It's him!
Isabella: Klimpaloon! Yay! We found him!
Baljeet: Way to go!
Buford: Wish I could un-see that!
(The gang gets trapped in a net. Pan left to reveal the shadowy figure from earlier. He nabs Klimpaloon.)
Mr. Random: Got 'im!
All: Mr. Random!
Mr. Random: This unforeseen plot twist...brought to you by Random Swimwear.
(Song: "Forever Summer" (instrumental))
Buford: (appearing over the Random Swimwear card) Wow! I totally thought that shadowy figure was gonna be Slamm Hammer!

Part 2

(opens up on The Tristies)
Roger: (offscreen) Welcome back to the Tristies!
(Cut to the soundproof booth where Love Händel, Max and Lindana are waiting.)
Roger: Our next category...
Max Modem: And then, the hobo gave it back to me, quixotically. And that was the day before we met! So the next day at breakfast, I ordered poached eggs with salmon. But I didn't have poached eggs with salmon! Ha ha!
Danny: I wonder how the boys are doin'.

(Cut to Phineas and the gang trapped in a cave by Mr. Random.)
Candace: Get us down from here!
Mr. Random: Uh, that really didn't align with my plans, sooooooooo....nnnnnot gonna happen.
Candace: Look, if you're going to destroy my chance at stardom, I think I deserve an explanation.
Mr. Random: All right. I, I do like the sound of my own voice. So, for years now, I've wanted to find the elusive Klimpaloon. And finally, after countless hours web surfing, I found Shackleberg's journal at an online auction site only to lose the first volume to you two! I did manage to get his second journal, but it only contains the last page of the map, the map that you have in Volume One. So I concocted a long, convoluted plan to get you to lead me right to him. Huh? Hmm. Yeah.
Phineas: But why?
Mr. Random: You see, sales have gone flat. You can only reinvent the bikini and board shorts so many times. But if I could convince the world to start wearing old-timey bathing suits again, that's revolutionary! But to do that, I was gonna need a gimmick.
(Mr. Random unzips the garment bag to reveal Klimpaloon trapped.)
Klimpaloon: Nang nang nang nang nang... (etc.)
All: (gasp)
Mr. Random: What a combo! He's self-propelled, he's got a weird disturbing face on his chest and he makes unintelligible noises. Seriously, just th-the whole package is irresistible! And he's all mine! He's all mine! (zips the garment bag back up)
Phineas: You can't own him!
Isabella: He's a living thing!
Buford: He belongs to the ages!
Mr. Random: Well, the ages should have kept their receipt, because he belongs to me now. And once I unravel his secrets, I'll make a fortune. Well, a second fortune. (A helicopter is heard in the distance.) Ah, there's my ride! (flees) Brought to you by Random Swimwear!
Phineas: We can't let him unravel Klimpaloon's secrets!
Isabella: Unravel? (climbs up the net) I've got this! (she frees them out of the net) Knot Untying Patch, check!
Phineas: Come on! (the gang runs out of the cave) We've gotta save him!
Baljeet: But how? Mr. Random is already miles away. We have no idea where he is going and no way to get there except on foot!
Buford: Wow! What is with all the negativity?
Candace: Enough already! Time is running out and I am not going to blow my big break! Let's look around. Maybe we can find some clues.
Buford: See? Now that's constructive.
Isabella: Look! It's one of Klimpaloon's threads and it's trying to find its way back to him.
Candace: Follow that thread!
Baljeet: We cannot follow a thread.
Buford: Again with the negativity.
Phineas: Maybe we can use it as a homing device. Ferb?
(Ferb takes the thread and puts it into a compass. The thread somehow becomes a finger pointing northwest.)
Phineas: Let's go!
(Cut to the gang going down the hill on snowboards.)
Baljeet: Is no one going to talk about where we got the snowboards?
Candace: There's no time for that now! Come on! Come on! Come on!
(The yaks follow behind them on a sled.)

(Cut to Doofensmirtz talking to a stagehand.)
Doofenshmirtz: Aw, man, Roger's not on 'til the end of the show? Can't you get him back sooner?
Stagehand: No. Who do you think you are?
Doofenshmirtz: I'm his brother.
Stagehand: Nepotism will get you nowhere with me.
Doofenshmirtz: Well, maybe not yet, but wait 'til Roger's a warthog! (he leaves)
Stagehand: I do not know what that means.

(Cut back to the Himalayas. The thread is now pointing west. Ferb points in that direction.)
Phineas: That must be Mr. Random's fortress! Follow me!
(Cut to a rather science-fiction-y looking building. Phineas and the gang park their snowboards outside.)
Candace: Now what?
Phineas: Okay. (gets into the snow and maps out a diagram) I'll just create a diversion here so that Buford and Baljeet can flank them from the left. Ferb can then use his intimidating shout to scatter them so that Isabella can come in from behind. That should work unless they have reinforcements. What do you think, Baljeet? Can you give me a number crunch real quick?
Baljeet: Uh, gimme a sec. I am coming up with a 32.3% chance of success.
Phineas: Well, we've seen worse.
Buford: Alright, guys, let's do this! BUFORD VAN STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!!!
Phineas: He just ran in!
Candace: (going after him) Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!
Isabella: (also going after him) Dangit, Buford!
Phineas: (also going after him, angrily) Stick to the plan, man! Stick to the plan!
(Cut to inside where they immediately get captured.)
Baljeet: What the?!
Buford: What? I used gamer strategy.

(Cut to backstage. Doofenshmirtz is seen putting the inator into the podium.)
Doofenshmirtz: Okay, now I just have to set the spritzer, and the timer, and whoomp!, there he is! My brother, the warthog, mayor no more! (maniacal laughter) Yeah. (sighs) Y'know, it's not the same without Perry the Platypus. I can't believe he ditched me. One lousy award and he goes all diva! Pfft!
(Cutaway to the press room where Swine Flute with Perry the Rasta-Warthogapus are seen with their awards.)

(Cut back to Mr. Random's lair. The captured gang pass by some deformed Klimpaloon clones.)
Candace: What the heck is all this?
Isabella: That's wrong. They're...they're just horrible!
Mr. Random: You'll have to excuse me if this device seems incredibly threatening. It's only is incredibly threatening!
All: (gasp)
Phineas: Klimpaloon!
Klimpaloon: (sadly) Nang...nang...nang... (etc.)
Mr. Random: As you clearly saw, my previous attempts to create the future of swimwear without Klimpaloon just were not working!
Phineas: (angrily) You fiend!
(Isabella smiles warmly when she realizes Phineas is caressing her.)
Mr. Random: Look, I'm givin' Old-Timey here a new twist! Flashback to fashion forward! It's a little high-concept, but take a look!
(The machinery raises to reveal some gentlemen in parkas. They unzip their parkas revealing them to be in matching old-timey bathing suits.)
(Song: "Flashing Back To Fashion Forward")
Mr. Random: We're flashing back to fashion forward
Yes, the old is the new new
One size fits all with just a little stretching
Be you six foot four or five foot two

Why rely on inspiration
When the old stuff's tried and true
We just revamped a tired idea
And made a new old-timey swimsuit for you

Pretty catchy, doncha think?
Buford: If by "catchy", you mean "sucks the life outta the room and makes me wanna puke"...then yeah.
Mr. Random: Anyhoo, now that I have the original, I can figure out what makes him tick. Which brings us back, obviously, to the incredibly threatening machine. So, it's time to extract Klimpaloon's life force, and, uh, then, of course, infuse it into my latest swimwear line.
Phineas: We have to do something!
Ferb: How about this? (pulls the plug)
(After Ferb pulls the plug, we get a By The Lights of Their Eyes shot of the entire scene, not too dissimilar from the entirety of "Blackout!".)
Mr. Random: Aw, come on! Did we blow the breaker again, Fred? Fred? Frederick, is that— (Crashes into something) That stings.
Phineas: C'mon, guys! Now's our chance to free Klimpaloon and—
Baljeet: Oh, no, not again!
Buford: So I did it again. (At least he got chicken!)
Candace: So what do we do?
Phineas: Save Klimpaloon, of course!
Klimpaloon: Nang nang nang... (etc.)
Phineas: There he is! Follow his voice!
Buford: Got 'im!
Baljeet: Ow! That is me!
Buford: Whoops. My bad. That wedgie was unintentional.
Candace: I got him! (the lights turn back on) Let's go!
(They flee the scene.)
Mr. Random: Guards, don't let him escape!
(Cut back to the gang fleeing.)
Klimpaloon: Nang nang nang nang... (etc.)
Baljeet: Oh, they are too fast! We are never gonna make it!
Candace: Okay, we've gotta split up. Ferb, hide Klimpaloon under your jacket to keep him quiet and I'll lure the guards the other way with my "Nang nang nang"! Just get him to the awards show!
Phineas: But, Candace, you'll miss your big chance to—
Candace: Saving Klimpaloon is more important! Now go! (they split up) Nang nang nang nang nang nang... (etc.)
Mr. Random: Alright, hold on. (stops his dancers as he hears Candace nanging) That way! Follow that vintage swimwear!
(Cut to the rest of the gang running out the door.)
Buford: Good thing they left the door open!
(Cut back to Candace still nanging. She goes out the service entrance. She runs out and snowboards away. Cut back to Mr. Random and the dancers. Mr. Random runs out but the dancers stay behind.)
Dancers: Ooh! Cold, cold, cold, cold, etc.
Mr. Random: Great. Now I'm reduced to yak transport.

(Cut back to soundproof booth.)
Stagehand: (to a security guard) Got it boss, it's go time!
(The security guard nods and opens the door.)
Max Modem: ...and that's how we met.
Stagehand: Okay, folks, on stage in five!
Max Modem: Righty-ho!
Sherman: Wow, what a great story.
(Everyone goes out, except Bobbi, who is sleeping.)
Danny: (offscreen) Bobbi, come on!
Bobbi: Huh? What? Wait up, guys!
(Cut to Roger back at the podium.)
Roger: And now, to present our final award for the evening, which, of course, was supposed to be our first award, but you remember that whole "does Klimpaloon exist" hullabaloo... Anyway, welcome again, Lindana and Max Modem.
(Song: "I'm Lindana and I Wanna Have Fun"/"Alien Heart" (instrumental))
Lindana: Unfortunately, due to lack of evidence, it appears that Love Händel has been disqualified. So, without further ado, the winner of the award for Best Fact-Based Song is—
Phineas: Wait! We have the evidence!
Lindana: I'm sorry, kids. The journal isn't good enough. You need actual, physical proof.
Phineas: But we do have physical proof! Ferb?
(Ferb opens his jacket to reveal Klimpaloon under it.)
Klimpaloon: Nang nang nang nang... (etc.)
(applause, cut to the wings)
Drummer: I thought you said you'd stop at nothing to keep them from finding Klimpaloon.
Slamm: That's right. I did nothing and stopped.
(Cut back to onstage.)
Max Modem: How did you find him?
Lindana: And why are you all in parkas?
Candace: There's no time for that now! Mr. Random is a ruthless venture capitalist who captured all of us in his Himalayan fortress where he performed inhuman experiments on bathing suits and tried to destroy Klimpaloon in pursuit of a revolutionary swimsuit sales gimmick.
Lindana: (thinking Candace is in busting mode again) Oh, Candace, not here. Not now.
Phineas: No, Mom, really! Candace is telling the truth!
Mr. Random: Phuh! What an active imagination these kids have. We don't really have time for that now, we need to present an award.
Phineas and the gang: (gasp)
Mr. Random: No, no, let's get the award done. Tick tick tick. Time's a-wastin'. Shall we?
Max Modem: Well, obviously, Klimpaloon is real. So it gives me great pleasure to present the award for Best Fact-Based Song to...
(They open the envelope.)
Lindana: Love Händel for "The Ballad of Klimpaloon"! (applause)
Danny: Thank you! Thank you so much! And a big thank you to all the kids who brought Klimpaloon here! (applause) Come on, Candace! Take your place!
(Song: "The Ballad of Klimpaloon")
Love Händel: Oh, oh, oh

He stands in winter, he's striped and frozen
He is completely out of style
He got no hands, he got no feet
All mouth and teeth, but he don't smile

He's made out of wool, he's itchy to wear
He's got broad stripes and savoir-faire
He's out of place almost everywhere
Since 1883

He's a costume out of time
Both ridiculous and sublime
Seems innocuous, but I'm
Afraid he's scarin' me

He's the magical old-timey bathing suit
That lives in the Himalayas
They call him Klimpaloon (Klimpaloon)

If you're between Tibet and Nepal
And you're quiet, you can hear the call
Of Klimpaloon: (Klimpaloon)
Klimpaloon and Candace: Nang-nang-nang-nang-nang-nang-nang-nang-nang-nang!

Love Händel: He stands in winter!

(Klimpaloon begins to magically float over the audience and the audience oohs in amazement.)
Lindana: Wow, he really is magical!
Phineas: Actually, he's being pulled up by a cable. Thanks, Miguel!
(They all leave. Cut to the wings.)
Roger: Let's hear it for Love Händel!
Mr. Random: (menacingly) Look at them. Enjoying their triumph. "Ooh, we're so happy! We saved Klimpaloon! Let's all sing!" Well, enjoy it now, because I will get my hands on Klimpaloon! I'll unravel his secret, even if I have to rip him apart, stitch by stitch and then, the moronic people of the world will beat a path to my door, and beg for my cheap Klimpaloon knockoff line, 'cause consumers are just like lemmings, brainless little animals that I can manipulate right off the fiscal cliff like the puppet master that I am! (maniacal laughter, then realizes the mic was picking him up. He walks onstage.) Was that thing on?
Audience: Yes, yes it was.
Mr. Random: My career's over, isn't it?
Audience: Yes. Yes it is.
(The timer goes off and he is turned into a warthog.)
Mr. Random: (walks off) And I'm a warthog.
(Cut to Doofenshmirtz back in his labcoat offstage.)
Doofenshmirtz: Curse you, Perry the...I guess he doesn't really get credit for this one. He was just playing tambourine with Swine Flute. It's not really.... (sighs) Well....Sort of anticlimactic for me.

(Cut to the gang walking out)
Buford: So, where's Klimpy? Don't tell me he ditched us for one of those swanky afterparties.
Phineas: I guess he's on his way back to the Himalayas.

Klimpaloon: (waving from a Random Swimwear limo) Nang nang nang
nang nang nang nang...

Phineas: See you later!
Be cool!

Isabella: See ya!

Buford: See you, Klimpy!

Baljeet: Safe travels!

(During this, Perry transforms back into a platypus and rejoins them.)
Buford: I don't want him to go. I want him to stay with us.
Ferb: Klimpaloon doesn't belong to us. He belongs to the ages.
Buford: I said that back in the Himalayas! Does no one listen to me?!
Baljeet: Uh, how are we getting home?

End Credits

Mr. Random: We're flashing back to fashion forward
Yes, the old is the new new
One size fits all with just a little stretching
Be you six foot four or five foot two

Why rely on inspiration
When the old stuff's tried and true
We just revamped a tired idea
And made a new old-timey swimsuit for you

Pretty catchy, doncha think?

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