(Scene opens up showing cows walking by in the background.)
(Song: On the Trail)
Cowboy: On the trail
Always riding and a-roping on the trail
Where them doggies are a-loping on the trail
Cows: On the trail
Cowboy: Nothing worse than bees a-stinging
'Cept this cowboy song we're singing on the trail
(On the trail)
Sunset's looking awful groovy on the trail
(On the trail)
'Cause they colorized this movie on the trail
(On the trail)
On the trail (On the trail) (X2)
Linda: Smile, Boys! (takes a picture) Aw, you two look so cute!
Phineas: (at the camera) She means well.
Linda: I'll be back in a few hours. Have fun!
Candace: Yeah, right. You better not pull any of your weird stunts, got it?
Phineas: (Western drawl) Don't fret none, school marm.
Candace: So, he was like totally checking me out when little Miss Pants walks in front of me. Yeah, yeah! So I was like "Uh, hello?" and so she was like "Oh no, you di-in't!" and I was like "Oh yes, I di-id!"
Man: Mighty sorry, Buckaroos. Time to rein in those ponies.
Phineas: Hey, Isabella. What are you doing here?
Isabella: I just earned my milking badge, and it was so easy. All you do is squeeze and pull and squeeze and pull and squeeze and pull and squeeze and pull, and- so, whatcha doin'?
Phineas: We're riding ponies, (Western drawl) but it makes a feller hanker for the real thing. You know, livin' out on the open range. Ridin', ropin', brandin'. Bustin' broncos and breakin' wind with your amigos under the western skies. (Normal voice) Heck, we could even ford a stream! I don't even know what that means, but it sounds fun! (Spits) Oh, and spitting. Hey, where's Perry?

(Suspense music, Lasers firing)
Major Monogram: ...Yeah. And she was like "Oh no, you di-in't!" and-- Oh, there you are, Agent P. Oops. I forgot to turn off the laser sharks again, didn't I? My bad. Anyway, the evil Dr. Doofenshmirtz is at it again. Not only does he have 3 books about insects overdue at the library, but he's cornered the market on aluminum siding. He's hold up on his water fortress on Lake Winimahatikihaha. Ha-ha. I love saying that. You must find out what he's up to and put a stop to it. That is all.

(Tracking device beeping)
Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.!
(Motor revving)
Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the Platypus! As usual, your timing is uncanny! And by uncanny, of course I mean: COMPLETELY CANNY!
(Button beeps)
So, Perry the Platypus, let me introduce to you my assistant, Vanessa.
Vanessa: Whatever. (Music buzzing on headphones)
Doofenshmirtz: (Nervous laugh) She's new. Anyway, at this very moment, termites all over the Tri-State Area will be controlled by me! Using my Termite Controlling Helmet. See? See? The have cute little helmets just like me. (Laughs) I don't want to tell you how long it took to put them all on. So, watch this!
(Termites buzzing)
Soon I will have them devour all the wood in the entire Tri-State Area. Then everyone will have to buy Aluminum Siding from me! (Laughs)
Doofenshmirtz' Aluminum Siding!
You're through, Perry the Platypus. Through! Now it is time for Platypus Flambé! (Laughs maniacally) (At Vanessa) Vanessa, did you bring the little wooden head the termites made?
(Lava bubbling)

Candace: So anyway, I was like, "You talkin' to me?" and she was like all in my face, and-- TERMITES! (Screams, Termites buzzing) Holy cow! (Termites buzzing, Screams)
(Cows mooing)
Phineas: Wow, a stampeding herd of cattle.
Isabella: They're headed straight for town! We gotta do something!
(Cars honking, cows mooing)
Phineas: All we need are a couple of horses and we could-- (Termites buzzing, Horses whinnying) Huh. Let's go! (Western drawl) Let's round us up some cows! Come on, Isabella! Yee-haw!
Isabella: Ooh. (She notices a pony, Harp strumming, pony whinnies)

(Cows mooing, phone rings)
Candace: Oh my gosh! Stacy, I'm, like, in a stampede! It's like-- (Falls into mud, cows mooing) Uh, just a sec.
Phineas: Hey, Candace.
Candace: Hey, Phineas. Phineas?
(Horses whinnying)
PHINEAS! Stacy, I gotta go. (Guitar, Pig squeals)

(Guitar playing, Cows mooing)
(People screaming, Cows mooing, Horses whinnying)
(People screaming)
Phineas: YEE-HAW! Hyah, cow!
(Song: In the Mall)
In the mall
Up and down the escalators in the mall
I got a hankerin' for potatoers in the mall
Isabella: In the mall
Phineas: 'Cause pretty soon now it'll be 'bout time to stop for vittles
In the mall
Well, that was delicious.
(Cows mooing)
Candace: A stampede through Downtown? I mean, who does this? Those two are gonna get it! (Screams) Oof!
(Birds chirping)
(Guitar, Bell rings)
Haney: Well, what can I do for you, little lady?
Candace: What have you got to stop a stampede?
Haney: I think I might have just the thing for you. Let's see... A scary wolf puppet!
(Music stops)
Imagine your a cow, You're there minding your own business, chewing your cud with the other heifers when suddenly (Howls) "I'm a very hungry wolf. I like to eat cows. Ooh, I'm so hungry." (Puppet rattling) (Candace glowers at Haney) Haney:Uh, no. Of course not. Oh, a genuine silent cow whistle.
Candace: You sure this will stop a stampede?
Haney: As sure as the day is long.
Candace: Sold!
(No audio, Ding)
Well, what do you know? It works! (Ding, Cows mooing)
Wait, stop! Uh oh. (Screams, Blows whistle) Hey, this cow whistle doesn't work!
Oh, they're so going to get it. (At phone) Mom, they're driving a herd of cattle right through Downtown.
Linda: Well, um, I'm a little busy, sweetie. I'm having my hair done at Babs.
Candace: Oh, yeah, that's perfect! Well, they're coming your way! Quick, look out the window! Do you see any cows?
Linda: That's cute, Candace. Okay, Babs needs to comb me up. Gotta go.
Candace: (Growls)

(TV Static)
Doofenshmirtz: Any last noises, Perry the Platypus? You know that chirping silly noise that you make?
(Perry chatters)
That's the one! (Laughs, Rope burns) Wait, don't touch that button! No, the other one. Yes, that one! That's the one you should not touch! (Gasps, Alarm buzzing)
Female computer voice: Self-destruct sequence initiated.
Doofenshmirtz: Now you've gone and done it!
Vanessa: You put a self-destruct button in a death chamber? I'm so out of here. This is the worst Bring-your-daughter-to-work-day ever.
Doofenshmirtz: Tell your mother you had fun though.
Vanessa: Oh, by the way, I'm taking the last escape pod.
Doofenshmirtz: It's okay, I'll just take the jet pack. Now where did I put that-- Oh, what was I thinking? I put a jet pack in there too? I might as well have given him an escape hatch! I mean-
(Bell ringing)
Well... guess I'm running. (Screaming) Heeelp meee! Help! Ugh! (Screams) Wait! (Stammers) I forgot my little wooden head!
Yes! Yes, we are safe!

Phineas: (Western drawl) Yep, just a-lopin' them doggies down the long, lonesome trail. Ain't this livin?
Isabella: (Western drawl) Boy, howdy!
(Truck horns, Cows mooing)
Phineas: They're stampeding again! Quick, head them to the off ramp!
(Cows mooing)
Isabella: They're headed for a cliff!
(Rocks crumbling)
Cow: Phew! (Mooing, thud)
Cow #2: Uh oh.
Phineas: Ferb, strum something! It'll calm them down!
(String breaks, Cows mooing)
(Horses whinnying)
Phineas/Isabella: Yee-haw!
Phineas: Yo, cows. Uh, hyah. (At Ferb) Hey, Ferb. We're fording a stream.
Candace: (Screams) Cactus! Oh! Snakes! Ugh! Scorpions! Oh! (Water splashing)

Doofenshmirtz: (Laughs) You think may think that I am defeated, Perry the Platypus. But I still have my Termite controlling Helmet! (Laughs, Jet pack sputtering; Screams) Save us, Perry the Platypus! Woah. Oh, (Laughs) I survived!
Perry: (Flips switch)
Doofenshmirtz: Wait, what was that? Did-did you just hit the reverse switch? Oh, why did I put that on there? I can't even reach it! What is wrong with me, anyway?
(Termites buzzing) (Screams) Wait! Go away! (Screams) Stop! Help me! Help me!

Phineas: Well, this has been fun, but we ought to be getting the herd back into a coral. Where can we find a coral?
(Cows mooing)
Well, that was easy.

Doofenshmirtz: (Screams) Curse you, Perry the Platypus!

Phineas: Huh. That was so awesome.
Isabella: Woo-hoo!
Linda: Hey, kids. Did you guys have fun?
Phineas: Yee-haw!
Isabella: Yo, doggie!
Linda: Good.
Candace: (Grumbling)
Linda: Candace! Are you okay, sweetie?
Candace: I so don't want to talk about it.
Linda: All right. Get in the car, snappy pants. (At the boys) What was that about?
Ferb: I reckon herding cattle ain't for city folk.

End Credits

(Song: In the Mall)
Phineas: In the mall
Up and down the escalators in the mall
I got a hankerin' for potatoers in the mall
Isabella: In the mall
Phineas: 'Cause pretty soon now it'll be 'bout time to stop for vittles
In the mall
Isabella: Boy, howdy!

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