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Voyage to the Bottom of Buford/Transcript

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(Scene opens up showing Ferb looking through binoculars.)
Phineas: How's the view up there, Ferb?
(Ferb gives a thumbs up)
Phineas: This is the life. The sand, the sea, the sun.
Buford: (Sobbing)
Phineas: The crying? Hey, what's wrong, Buford? Why are you crying?
Buford: First, let's get one thing straight: I'm not crying. I'm just sweating through my eyes. And second...I lost Biff! (Sobbing)
Phineas: You mean your goldfish?
Buford: Yes! (Sobbing) He changed my life, you know. I used to be a wimp, just like you. But then, one day, at the carnival, I was somehow drawn to this game.
Young Buford: (Hammers, Ding)
Buford: And that's how I won my goldfish. I named it Biff, after my mother. It was the happiest day of my life. But then I met the local bully.
Bully: Hello, nerd! Well, well, what do we have here? Looks like you brought me lunch! (Puts Biff over his mouth) (Laughs)
Buford: I knew I had to defend my friend, so I did what I had to do.
(Punches landing)
After that, I became the bully. And I wasn't afraid of anything or anybody. Except, you know, maybe a giant squid, cause-- Come on, those are freaky, right? All suction cuppy and beaky. (Waves splashing) But then, today...Biff and I decided to go for a swim. After a while, I couldn't hear him anymore. I got worried.
Flashback Buford: No! NO!!
(Flashback ends)
Buford: (Sobbing hysterically)
Phineas: Wow. This was more annoying than when he was bullying us. We gotta do something to get the old Buford back. Maybe we should help him find his fish.
Buford: Really? You guys would do that? How about a hug?
Phineas: Maybe later.
Buford: Let Buford hug you.
Phineas: Hey, where's Perry?
Buford: Come here!

(Surf Rock music, Water splashing)
Major Monogram: Morning, Agent P. We've intercepted some very surprising footage from a local TV station. (Plays video)
Reporter: Breaking news: A kitten in peril! Up a tree! (Cat falls) Oh no!
(Doofenshmirtz trips, Kitten falls in his bag)
Wow, a good Samaritan saved her!
Major Monogram: (Stops video) You see that? Dr. Doofenshmirtz saving a kitten. Looks like he's defecting to the good side! Make contact and present him with our standard welcome package. Monogram out.
(Perry opens chest, Pulls out welcome package)

Candace: (Puts on glasses shaped like the sun) How about these? Do you think Jeremy would like them? (Gasps) Ooh, these are even better!
Stacy: Hey, Candace, look, is that a submarine? (Helicopter whirring) And aren't those your brothers?
Phineas: I can't believe how fast we put this together.
Ferb: Yes. Usually takes us at least a montage.
Candace: (Wearing fish glasses) They're not getting away with this. I know what I'm getting. I'm gonna get this disposable camera, and then I'll finally have proof, and I can bust them!
Store Owner: Hey, you gotta pay for that!
Candace: Right after I pay for this.

Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.!
(Perry presses doorbell buzzer)
Doofenshmirtz: Hello? Oh, Perry the Platypus. What do you want? Oh, a gift for me? (Unhooks chain lock) Oh, how sweet of you! Oh, what's this note attached? "Congratulations, Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, on defecting to the good side"? Oh no, not you, too! The TV's been repeating that news footage all day! First, I'm not going to the good side. Second, I'm going to keep this basket. There's a lot of goodies here. Third, let me tell you what really happened.
(Narrating) I was out picking up a few things, and as I was walking out of the store, I tripped on something. As I fell, out of nowhere this kitten landed in my bag!
(Flashback ends)
(Groans) After all my evil attempts to dominate the Tri-State Area, this one little accident has ruined my reputation. Worst of all, it happened on the eve of the Evil Scientists' Fraternity Reunion. If they see that broadcast, I'll be a laughingstock. They might even take away my membership, and then I'll lose all my benefits.
(Perry looks at watch, and walks away)
Uh, hello? (Presses button on remote)
(Robot arms trap Perry)
I wasn't done talking yet. That was sort of rude.

Phineas: All right, Isabella. Now it's your turn, Baljeet.
Buford: (Sobbing)
Baljeet: Why is Buford crying?
Buford: I'm not cryin'! I'm sweatin' through my eyes! (Sobbing)
Phineas: All right, Buford. You're next.
Buford: That doesn't look very safe. (Goes in)
Phineas: You're doing fine.
Buford: Hey, I'm stuck! I'm stuck! (Sobbing)
(Ferb jumps on Buford)
Isabella: Hey, Buford, are you...sweating out of your eyes?
Buford: (pause) No, I'm just cryiiiiiing! (Sobbing) (Ferb lands on him) Thanks. I needed that.
(Phineas goes in, then Candace secretly goes in)
Isabella: Ready when you are, Captain.
Phineas: We're ready to go. How's Buford?
Buford: Buford is doing great! I just hope we'll be able to find my friend Biff. (Points at bowl, Sobbing)
Phineas: Don't worry. Ferb can communicate with dolphins. (Dolphins chirping) They'll help us find your goldfish.
Buford: (Gasps) Biff! He looks so sweet! (Sobbing, Puts picture in fish bowl) How about a hug? (Ferb puts hand up) Come on!
Phineas: All right, everyone, the dolphins are leading the way.
Candace: (Snapshot)
Phineas: Let's follow those aquatic mammals.
Baljeet: Aye aye, Captain!
Buford: (Babbling)
Phineas: Uh, Buford, you just stay put.
(Song: "Fish Out of Water")
Buford: (Whimpering)
When I'm soaking in my bath, I dump you in the tub
There's no need to say another word, you had me at "Glub"
Your bowl became my world, so my world is empty now
All my love's caught in your filter, it needs to get to you somehow
They say that there's plenty of fish in the sea
But you're the only one for me
Without you, I'm a fish out of water
I'm hooked, please throw a line to me
Buford: (Sobbing)
Phineas: We've got to find that fish. Soon.
(Submarine flowing)
Baljeet: I've got something on the radar!
(Radar pinging)
Candace: (Snapshot)
Phineas: All right, it's time for a swim!
Buford: You found my friend? How about a hug? (Sobs) Hug!
Candace: (Snapshot)
Buford: Biff! Biff! Buford love Biff!

Doofenshmirtz: So, Perry the Platypus, allow me to introduce the Media Erase-inator! Patent pending, Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc. It will erase all video signals, print ads, basically it will erase any image in the entire Tri-State Area! And I will be able to attend my reunion without any embarrassment.
Perry: (Whips head, fedora flies and hits remote, breaking the remote and releasing trap)
Doofenshmirtz: Huh? But I-- (Perry kicks Doofenshmirtz) Oof!

Buford: Hey, guys, look! He missed me.
Phineas: It sure looks like it.
Buford: (Puts fishbowl through Biff) There you go, little buddy. You're all safe now. Let's get out of here.
(Dolphins chirping)
(Octopus tentacle come out of hole)
I got my Biff back. Thank you, guys! How about a hug?
Phineas: Maybe later.
Buford: I'm so happy, I could cry! (Sobbing)
(Octopus tentacle grabs Ferb)
Phineas: I wish we'd get our Buford back. Uh, Buford?
Buford: (Screams)
Phineas: (On the octopus tentacle) A little help here?
Buford: (Goes into submarine)
(Octopus tentacle reaches into submarine)
Isabella: Oh, good, you found Biff! (Screams)
Baljeet: Hey, where are Phineas and Ferb? (Screams)
Buford: (Gasps) It's all suction cuppy and beaky! (Whimpering)
(Octopus tentacle takes fishbowl)
Phineas: Hmm. A giant squid. What are the odds?
Baljeet: My money is on the squid.
Isabella: Cut me off a slice of that action,
(Octopus tries to eat Biff, but Buford interrupts)
Buford: Hey, squid! (Jumps off) Drop the goldfish! You and me are gonna dance!
(Octopus puts Biff back into fishbowl)
(Buford punches octopus)
(Octopus falls into ocean, everyone but Buford falls onto submarine)
Phineas: So, I guess that's that.
Baljeet: I do not know how he does it.
Isabella: Always go for the long shots, kid.
Phineas: Good day for Buford, huh? He got Biff back, and I don't think he's afraid of squids anymore.
Buford: Alright, there's nothing to see here. Everybody back inside.
Candace: That was amazing! I can't believe I got all of this on film.
Buford: (Goes into submarine)
Phineas: Hey, Buford, you were really brave out there.
Buford: What's that supposed to mean? (Grabs Phineas) You think I was a wimp before?
Baljeet: N-no, not really. But you were a lot more sensitive.
Buford: What did you say? (Drops Phineas, Does the Wet Willie on Baljeet)
Phineas: Yeah, Buford is back!
Candace: (Come out of submarine) What? I've got to save the camera! Save the camera, save the camera, save the camera!
(Submarine sails to dock, Submarine door opens)
Baljeet: Yay! We are back! We made it! (Falls back)
Buford: I told ya I was comin' out first! Biff and I have some catchin' up to do.
Candace: Save the camera, save-save the cam-- Save the camera. Save the camera, save the camera, save the camera. (Notices bike) Save the camera, save the camera, save the camera!
Store Owner: Hey, you gotta pay for that.
Candace: Right after I pay for this.

(Media Erase-Inator zapping everywhere)
Doofenshmirtz: It's going crazy! It's shooting all over willy-nilly, but really half-nilly!
(Lasers hits Love Händel billboard, TV Store, and newspaper stand)

Candace: I can't wait to show this to Mom! Hee hee hee.

(Laser hits Stop sign; Cars crash, a truck skids and hits a water tower leaking water everywhere)

Candace: Finally, I got those boys! (Water splashing, Film springs out of camera)

Doo be doo be doo ba (X4)
(Media Erase-inator fizzing)
(Perry grabs wire circuit lid and flies off)
Doofenshmirtz: Wait! Where are you going? (Media Erase-inator blows up) Curse you, Perry the Platypus! (Kitten falls into his hands) Oh, come on!

(Vacuum whirring)
(Door opens, Vacuum turns off)
Linda: Candace, honey, you're all wet. Are you okay?
Candace: Phineas and Ferb...submarine...dolphins...giant octopus...
Linda: I don't have time for these games. Dry yourself off before you come in.
Phineas: Hey, sis. Have a good swim?
Candace: (Growls)

End Credits

(Song: "Fish Out of Water")
They say that there's plenty of fish in the sea
But you're the only one for me
Without you, I'm a fish out of water
I'm hooked, please throw a line to me

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