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We Call it Maze/Transcript

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(Scene opens with a view of the Flynn-Fletcher house.)
Phineas: It says on this box of cereal that I have to get Korny the Cornflake through this maze. If I was Korny, I would want a little more of a challenge. They just don't make good puzzles or mazes any more.
(Candace flails on her roller-skates)
Phineas: Mazes should be big and fun and exciting! Ferb...
Ferb: You don't even need to say it.
(Candace stops herself from falling)
Phineas: Hey, Candace. Whatcha doin'?
Candace: Well, Jeremy is taking me roller-skating tonight. And I thought I needed a little practi... (Screams)
(Candace drifts off screen and crashes)
I'm okay!
Phineas: Let's get started. Hey, where's Perry?

(Perry is seen entering his lair through a vent above the kitchen stove)
Major Monogram: Good morning, Agent P... (Exclaims) Sorry, we haven't cleaned that entrance in a while. Don't worry, we have a moist towelette.
(Perry opens the package and wipes himself)
Major Monogram: Anyhow, Doofenshmirtz has gone missing. We've used our global location scout and we can't find him anywhere. Even his answering machine has given us no clue as to where he is.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Hello! You've reached Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz. I'm not here right now, or am I? Muhehehehehe. Oh! And if you're calling about the piano its already been sold.
Major Monogram: We Need you to find him. Good luck Agent P. Monogram out.
(Agent P runs out)

(Scene shifts to the backyard)
Phineas: It looks like we're good to go. Time to test out our maze.
(Baljeet suddenly appears)
Baljeet: Did someone say test!?
Phineas: It's not really a test. We're more like lab rats going after cheese.
(Buford suddenly appears)
Buford: Did someone say cheese?
Phineas: Buford that's just a metaphor.
Buford: Mmmm. I am to metaphor cheese as metaphor cheese is to some transitive verb crackers.

(Isabella and Melissa walk in)
Melissa: And I want to get the zoo keeping patch, and the cooking patch, and the astronomy patch.
Isabella: Oh, Melissa. You remind me of me, when I was a Lil' Spark.
Melissa: When I grow up and become a Fireside girl, do you think I'll earn as many patches as you have?
Isabella: With your enthusiasm, you'll probably earn even more.
Melissa: You really think so? Cause that's my goal. I want to be just like you.

Isabella: Hey, everybody. This is Melissa.
Buford: Yeah, Hi.
Baljeet: Hello.
Phineas: Hey-Ya.
Melissa: Isabella is my mentor for today. She's the best Fireside Girl ever.
Isabella: I'm sure they don't want to hear about...
Phineas: Hey, Candace.
Candace So, I see you've build another giant whatever in the backyard. I think you know what I have to do.
(Candace falls back activating the elevator to the top of the maze)
Candace: What is this thing?
Phineas: It's our elevator to the top of the maze.
Candace: Well make it go down.
Phineas: It doesn't go down, it only goes up.
Candace: Ooh, you guys are going down!

Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.!
(Perry walks up to a pull-string Doofenshmirtz doll, and pulls the string)
Doofenshmirtz Doll: Hello Perry the Platypus... Sorry I'm not there to greet you myself, but this is... a trap.
(Perry falls into a rocket ship, which launches.)

Candace: Why would you build an elevator that doesn't go down?
Phineas: Because, people might just ride down on the elevator instead of going through the maze.
Candace: What do you mean maze...?
(Camera zooms out revealing the maze)
Phineas: We had the computer randomly load puzzles and brain teasers to make clearing each level more of a challenge. Okay, first one out is the smartest rat in the lab.
(Buford, Baljeet, Phineas, and Ferb all run off)

Isabella: Do you want to go through the maze with me?
Melissa: Yes! Yes! Yes!
Isabella: Candace, would you like to join Melissa and me?
Candace: Candace Flynn can find her own way out.
Melissa: Oh, my gosh! You're Candace Flynn! You're the girl who earned 50 patches in one day! You're on the cover of Lil Sparks Magazine! How did you do it?
Candace: Well, let me tell you some thing kid. It wasn't easy. But the Forest Fire Girls really needed me.
Isabella: Fireside Girls.
Candace: That's what I said. Come on girls, I'll get us out of here.
Melissa: Yay! Candace is gonna lead us to safety!

Buford: Brain teasers, huh? Alright you do all the ones that rely on brains, and I'll do all the ones that rely on teasin'.
Baljeet: I do not think you understand the concept.
Buford: Less talk-y more work-y.

(Song: "Not Knowing Where You're Going")
It's so much fun not knowing where you're goin'
Take a left or a right just going without really knowin'
Whether marchin', flyin', crawlin', waltzin' or rowin'
There's no surprise in life if you know where you're goin'

So walk around like a monkey with a blindfold on
(Woo! Woo hah!)
Like an Eskimo in six months of darkness who misses the dawn
So jump in the maze it's the latest craze
Spend your days going every which way
It's so much fun not knowin' where you're goin'
(Look out!)
It's so much fun not knowin' where you're goin'

(Yeah yeah yeah yeah)
It's so much fun not knowin' where you're goin'

I have no idea where my destination is.

It's so much fun not knowin' where you're goin'
It's so much fun not knowin' where you're goin'

(Hysterical laughter)

(Yeah yeah yeah yeah)
It's so much fun not knowin' where you're goin'

(I'm really enjoying it though)
It's so much fun not knowin' where you're goin'

(Perry's rocket ship land in a space station resembling Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc.)
Doofenshmirtz: Ahh, Perry the Platypus, welcome to my evil space station! (Echo: Station -tation -tation Cookie -tation) Wait, did you hear that? That "cookie" part? I think my echo is broken, I really do. Any who...have a seat. I've set up a presentation for you. Ten years ago I was backpacking across Europe, when I came across a group of Canadian college student. Dylan was the most popular among the group, but but I was the oldest, so rivalry was inevitable.

(Scene shifts to the maze)
Buford: How many jellybeans in the jar?
Baljeet: Oh, I'm really good on solving these kind of problems.
(Throughout the following, Ferb tries to talk but wasn't given a chance to)
Phineas: So the base of the jar is Pi times radius squared.
Baljeet: You are measuring the radius in centimeters, right?
Phineas: No, inches. That way the inches fractions work with Pi as 22 over 7.
Baljeet: You do not use 3.14 for Pi?
(Buford eats all of the jellybeans in the jar)
Buford: There, zero.
(The door opens)
Baljeet: Okay, technically that is correct, but you did not show your work.
Buford: I will in about 20 minutes.

(Doofenshmirtz is showing to Perry a few diapositives (it's a projector, not a retrospective) about his trip to Europe 10 years ago.)
Dr. Doofenshmirtz: ...then the Ambassador's wife filed a complaint... Long story short, I am never welcome in Albania ever again. But the point is, I ended up alone in Italy, and it was lunch time, so I went to the Leaning Tower of Pizza, and you know what? They don't even make pizza there! And I said, "What do they mean?" It's the Leaning Tower of Pizza! It's got " pizza" actually in the name! But they were adamant. "No pizza for me!" L-L-Likelike I'm the idiot. I was like, "You're not so great. You're not so special. What? Just 'cause you're leaning?" Then it hit me. I'll just lean my own building, and then it will become a big tourist attraction, and I'll sell all this merchandise, I'll make millions. Which I will then use to finance phase two of my maniacal plan: Tilting every building in the world! And the Leaning Tower of Pizza will no long be special. Ooh, ooh, and then I'll straighten my own building, and it will still be a tourist attract, 'cause you know, it's the only straight building. I just now thought of that. Just now. See that's how genius happens. It's a lot of leaning and straightening, you get the idea. I'm going to use this Tilt-inator, and do it all from space! (Echo: Space Space Space Cookie Space) There! There it was again. You -- you heard that? My next to last echo is broken. I'm going to have to have that checked.

(Back inside the maze)
Isabella: Wow, it's some kind of high wire challenge, good thing I got my high wire patch, twice.
Candace: Did, you get fifty, in one day? Okay then. Now Melissa... (begins drifting onto the high wire) The thing to remember about a high wire is...
Isabella: Candace! Be careful!
(Candace stumbles, but bounces to safety)
Candace: See? It's that simple.
Melissa: Okay.
(She goes out, but loses her balance, catching the high wire with only one hand)
Candace: Isabella, do something!
Isabella: Hold on Melissa.
(Isabella goes out to the high wire and saves Melissa just in time, and swings her to safety.)
Melissa: (at Candace) Oh my gosh. Thank you for telling Isabella to save me.
Candace: Well what did you think I was going to do? Let Isabella let you fall?
Isabella: Glad I was able help.

(Scene shifts to the space station)
Doofenshmirtz: The Tilt-inator is set with an automatic timer, once it's activated, even I can't stop it. All that's left to do is open the bay doors, this may take awhile.

(Back with the girls in the maze)
Melissa: How far down is it?
Isabella: I don't know, I can't see the bottom. But it almost doesn't matter, so long as we get across it.
Candace: Of course we need to know how deep it is, so we know how scared we should be. We can use this grappling hook and rope to find out. (throws it into the pit) One...Two...Three. (The rope hits the bottom) You see? Now we know that it's three seconds deep.

(Inside the space station)
Doofenshmirtz: ...And done. So Perry the Platypus, in fifteen seconds, will turn my building into the leaning tower of Doofenshmirtz! And you'll notice, there's no self-destruct button, no reverse levers, no abort switches, it's completely Perry the Platy-proof! Nothing can stop me now!
(Perry takes the pin that was holding the bay doors open, causing the to fall)
Doofenshmirtz: Uh oh. No no no no no! Stop stop stop stop stop! Stop it!
Computer: ...Four...Three...Two...One...
(The Tilt-inator fires a ray, tilting the station)
Doofenshmirtz: Ah, no! Why would you even do this? Now I need to open the door and reset the Tilt-inator countdown to fire again.

(Scene shifts again to the girls)
Isabella: Okay... Now that we want to get across, it sure would be nice to have a grappling hook and some rope.
Candace: Oh yeah. Yeah, where can we get a grappling... I know it's right over--! Oops.
(The platform they're standing on begins retracting)
Isabella: Oh, would you look at that.
Candace: The platform's retracting! What are we going to do?
Isabella: You're the girl one who got fifty Fireside patches in one day.
Melissa: That's right, Candace will get us out of this? Won't you Candace?
Candace: That was a fake! I only did it to get into a concert! If it wasn't for Isabella and my brothers I never could have done it. (Melissa gasps in shock) Now will you please save me?
Isabella: Give me one of your roller-skates.
Candace: Here.
Isabella: Now if I take the shoelace and... (She throws it, creating a gripping hook, latching onto some of the piping)
Candace: Whoa whoa whoa whoa!

(The platform on the other side retracts as well)
Candace: Oh this is just great! I thought you were going to save us, I though you were supposed to be this perfect Firefighter Girl.
Isabella: Fireside Girl!
Candace: That's what I said.
Isabella: Wait there's a lever in the middle, but I can't reach it.
Candace: Well I can't reach it either.
Isabella: I bet the rope you threw away was longer than your shoelace.
Candace: Oh? So now it's my fault?
Melissa: You got another shoelace.
Candace: What?
Melissa: Right here, look!

(Melissa traps onto her shoelace, dropping down, and hitting the release lever, and the three girls tumble out of the maze on a slide.)
Candace: Yes! I still have time to bust the boys before my skate date! (runs into the house) Mom!
Isabella: Come on Melissa, lets get you home.

(Scene shifts to the space station)
Doofenshmirtz: ...and done. Now with the—Hey! Where'd you go? What are you doing up there?
(Perry on top of the Tilt-inator, sticks a snow globe in it.)
Doofenshmirtz: Nooo!
Computer: ...Three...Two...One...
(The Tilt-inator fires, refracting off the snow globe, sending beams in all directions)

(A beam from the Tilt-inator hits the maze, making it roll away, right before Candace pulls Linda outside.)
Candace: Mom, you have to see this! Phineas and Ferb made a giant maze in the backyard!
Linda: (flatly) What maze?
Candace: (Looks over to see that the maze disappeared) It was right here!
Linda: Alright, Candace. (She grabs her arm.) Inside. (She pulls Candace back inside.)
Candace: But, but, but...
(Door slams)

(The Tilt-inator continues to fire, and Perry escapes in his rocket)
Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus! Wait for me!
Singers: Agent P!

(The maze continues to roll, with Phineas, Ferb, Buford, and Baljeet running inside it.)
Baljeet: Wow, you guys thought of everything!
Phineas: We didn't think of this one. Okay guys I see the exit. ...And stop!
(The boys safely land, while the maze crashes off a cliff)

Buford: Wow, that was at least three seconds deep.
Phineas: It's a good thing the girls beat us out.
Isabella: (As Melissa boards the Little Sparks bus) Bye Melissa. See you next week.
Phineas: Everything worked out just fine.
Buford: Hey! I never got my metaphor cheese! (Echo: cheese cheese cheese wombat cheese) Huh, my echo must be broken.

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