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When Worlds Collide/Transcript

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(At Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated a large beam of green light is fired from the roof)
Doofenshmirtz: Oopsy-daisy.

Candace: (On the phone with Stacy) So then Jeremy said--- (The green beam passes by her window disconnecting the call) Stacy? Phineas and Ferb! That was important! You guys are so gonna get it!! Mom!

Narrator: Elsewhere, in space.
(The green beam hits a planet, drawing it closer)

Candace: I think the boys are shooting green lasers in the backyard. Look.
(She looks and sees Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, Buford, Baljeet, and Perry in the backyard.)
Phineas: (Looking through a telescope) Ferb, I can totally see up your nose.
Linda: Hey kids, how's the over-nighter going?
Phineas: Great Mom, everyone's helping, even Perry.
Linda: Candace, do you remember two weeks ago, when we wrote up this contract?
Candace: The Bust Accord?
Linda: And do you recall article twelve?
Candace: Yes, "I will not attempt to bust my brothers more than once a day." I remember. But--
Linda: And what happened earlier today?
Candace: I tried to show you a giant ant farm.
Linda: Excellent, we have an understanding. Now go to bed. You can try again tomorrow. (She leaves)
Candace: Fine! I'll just wait till tomorrow. Wait a minute, at midnight it'll be tomorrow. I can just stay up and bust them.

Baljeet?: This sleep over is a good idea.
Buford: How are we all supposed to see thought that puny telescope?
Phineas: The telescope is just to find the probe we launched seventeen months ago. Then we can tap into the signal from deep space. And using Dad's old projection screen, and some fiber optics to relay the images from the probe, we can view the galaxy in comfort from these lawn chairs.
Candace: (From her window) Space probe? Fiber optics? Ooh, I can smell a bust comin' tonight.
Phineas: These joysticks should the space probe remotely.
Buford: Come on, already! Let's start lookin' for stuff.
Isabella: Buford, I've never seen you so enthusiastic.
Buford: I have my reasons.
Baljeet: Oh, here we go again. He's going to tell the story of when he was abducted by aliens.
Buford: It wasn't an abduction, it was an encounter.
Phineas: Encounter?
Buford: Yeah, I was walkin' out in the middle of the woods one night with my lucky tambourine.

(Song: "Whalemingo")
Buford: (singing offscreen)  Float by,
Drift through my dreams!
Whalemingo! (Whalemingo!)

In the sky,
Like strawberry cream!
Whalemingo! (Whalemingo!)

You take a whale,
You drop the fla-
You keep the mingo!
That's how I named it
Whalemingo! (Whalemingo!)

If you see a big, pink whale
With feathers and a beak,
And skinny little legs, then bingo,
That's a whalemingo! (Whalemingo! Whalemingo! Whalemingo!)

I think of you all the time, whalemingo. (Whalemingo! Whalemingo! Whalemingo!)

Buford: That's my story!
Phineas: I didn't know you had a lucky tambourine.
Baljeet: This whole story is ridiculous.
Buford: No it's not! I have proof.
Baljeet: Ugh, here comes the picture.
Buford: See? (Buford shows his picture) I named him Tristan.
Baljeet: That is just a flamingo.
Buford: Tristan is not a flamingo, he's from outer space, and he's a whalemingo. But then he had to go home, and I never saw him again. Hey! What are you doin' with your hands?
Baljeet: ...Mocking you.
Buford: Alright, I'd be angry, but I admire your honesty.


(The back of the lawn chair Perry was lying on flattens, rolling him thought two croquet hoops, hitting the pin, and dropping him into his lair)
Major Monogram: There you are Agent P. Sorry to call you in a second time today but... (Perry stares at Monogram) Oh, this? It's- it's just an exfoliating mask. I have another ten minutes before I can peel it off, or I get zero of the benefits. Agent P, we just got word that Doof may have fired tomorrow's -inator, today. This is a major breach in protocol. So give yourself a good slap in the face, and get over there.
Perry!


Phineas: Okay gang, let's fire this thing up.
(The probe turns on, sending signals back to earth, and onto the projection screen)
Baljeet: Wow.
Isabella: Ooh.
Buford: Oh. Zoom in on the swirly thing. my gut tells me that's where the whalemingos are.
Phineas: Roger that. Hey! It's our milkshake bar! And business seems to be booming.
Buford: What about over to the left?
Phineas: Okay. (The probes moves over) Wow.
Isabella: Yeah, wow.
Phineas: It's a whole planet of-
Buford: ...Whalemingos.
Baljeet: I do not believe it, Buford was right.
Isabella: They're all so, beautiful.
Buford: (Gasps) Tristan.


(Perry arrives at Doofenshmirtz Evil Inc., and begins to look around. However, he sets off an alarm.)

(Song: "Double Dutch")
Double Dutch Machine: Volgen nu!
One dutch, two dutch
Queens of the double dutch
We skip better than you by that much
Watch our feet, our moves are sweet
Our double dutchin' won't -- (Winding down) be beat... 

Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus? How did you get stuck in my double dutch machine? That's not even a trap. Anyway what are you doing here? (Perry nods to the hole in Doofenshmirtz's ceiling) Oh, that. The beam that I shot through my roof? Well that was just an accidental misfire from my Sphere-attract-inator. Luckily it was pointed up, so it didn't hit anything. Anyway, I started thinking, and realized the true measure of a man is having a world famous roadside attraction. But which one to choose? Which one would be the most spectacular? Then it hit me, nothing brings them in like a big ball of twine. So that's why I built the Sphere-Attract-inator. To steal the worlds largest ball of twine! Then all I need is some sort of road to put it beside. Right?

(Cut back to the backyard)
Phineas: I gotta admit Buford, I had my doubts, but whalemingos are truly amazing.
Buford: Told ya.
(The image on the projector begins to blur)
Buford: Hey! Why is everything all fuzzy?
Phineas: I'm not sure, let me back it up, and we'll take a look.
(The probe backs up, showing only the planet)
Buford: It looks like the planet's growing. Planets do that, right?
Baljeet: It is not growing, it is getting closer!
Isabella: This sounds serious.
Baljeet: Ah! this is catastrophic! Should we not do something? Should no one inform the populous of the impending impact?
Phineas: Calm down Baljeet. I'm sure the government scientists are already doing something.

(At the North America Planetary Defense Headquarters in Marion, Iowa; all of the scientists are running about, completely freaking out)
Scientist 1: Duck and cover!
Scientist 2: My watermelon!

Baljeet: Based on my calculations, the planet will be here by midnight!
Buford: That's great news!
Baljeet: Our planets are going to collide! You do know what that means?
Buford: Sure, it's like when you have two sets of keys. And you keep one them in your car.
Baljeet: No, it means...NO!! It means all life is going to be wiped out on both planets!
Buford: (gasps) Guys we've gotta save Tristan!
Baljeet: Anything else, Buford?
Buford: And the Earth.

Doofenshmirtz: Oh, Perry the Platypus, what do you say we open the up the roof and activate the Sphere-Attract-inator? Then I can get a good nights rest before all the crowds arrive to see the world's biggest ball of--
(Perry launches himself at Doofenshmirtz, pushing them backwards, eventually setting off the Double Dutch Machine)
Double Dutch Machine: Nu!
One dutch, two dutch
Queens of the double dutch
We skip better than you by that much
Watch our feet, our moves are sweet
Our double dutchin' won't be beat
Touwtje springen, fast feud.
Touwtje springen-

Isabella: What are we going to do?
Phineas: We could use electro magnets, if only we knew the planet's molecular density.
Buford: I got a pail of water, and a nest to make comfortable. I figure I can keep him in my garage 'till spring.
Phineas: Spring. Spring! That's it. Guys I know what we're gonna do tonight!

One dutch, two dutch
Queens of the double dutch
We ski--
(Doofenshmirtz turns off the double dutch machine)
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, sassy.
(Perry throws himself at Doofenshmirtz, who crashes into his board, breaking it, and causing the -inator to fire, hitting the world's largest ball of twine, drawing close)

Candace: I knew they'd practically bust themselves, if I just waited long enough. You guys are so busted, in like... nine minutes.
Phineas: Oh, hey Candace, glad you're still up, you'll get to see the cool planet coming directly at us. But don't worry, we're building a giant spring to bounce it back into space where it came from.
Candace: A spring? That's not vert scientific. But it is still bustable.
Phineas: Here comes the planet now.
Buford: I can't wait 'till they get here. Tristan!
Candace: Finally! It's tomorrow! (Candace busts into Linda and Lawrence's room) Mom! Mom! What are you guys doing?
Lawrence: Oh, hi honey, we were just listening to some records. It's what we used to use for music when we were kids.
Linda: Candace I thought we had an understanding.
Candace: Yeah, it's midnight, tomorrow.

(The planet continues to come towards the spring. Isabella hesitantly reaches her hand out to grab Phineas's, only to grab Ferb's by mistake)
Ferb: Don't worry, it'll be alright.
(The planet fully compresses, and Buford comes face to face with Tristan, while the world's largest ball of twine floats by, catching on the whalemingo planets, and unraveling)

Doofenshmirtz: The world's largest ball of twine is on its way! You'd better stand back, it's supposed to be huge! (The ball of twine now much smaller arrives) What? That's it?

(The spring begins to decompress)
Buford: Goodbye Tristan! Remember me! (Buford throws up his lucky tambourine, and Tristan catches it on his neck.)

Doofenshmirtz: I got a twine ball bigger than this in my junk drawer.
(The -inator, being pulled by the twine attached to the whalemingo planet pushes Doofenshmirtz off the edge of the building, and wraps around itself the giant spring)
Doofenshmirtz: Help me Perry the Platypus! I'm slipping! (Perry grabs a double dutch machine, and catches Doofenshmirtz by the ankle with the jump rope) Oh thank you Perry the-- (Perry activates the machine, repeatedly slamming Doofenshmirtz against the building)
Double Dutch Machine: Nu!
One dutch, two dutch
Queens of the double dutch
We skip better than you by... 
Doofenshmirtz: I mean curse you Perry the Platypus!!

Candace: Hurry, let's go! Let's go!
Linda: Clearly we need a thirteenth amendment to the Bust Accord.
(The spring is about to come loose)
Candace: Moooooom?!
(At this point, the spring gets pulled into space along with the -inator and whalemingo planet)
Linda: You kids okay out here?
Phineas: Yeah, we're great!
Buford: We saw a giant planet filled with whalemingos.
Linda: Whalemingos, huh? Why don't you all come on in for a midnight snack. Wash your hands. Especially you, Buford.
(Perry jumps off his hover scooter, and lands back on the lawn chair)
Phineas: Hey sleepy head, do you want a snack too?
(Perry chatters, then jumps off the lawn chair)

End credits

Buford: If you see a big, pink whale
With feathers and a beak,
And skinny little legs, then bingo,
Whalemingo! (Whalemingo! Whalemingo! Whalemingo!)
Buford: I think of you all the time, whalemingo. Especially when I've had spicy tacos just before bed. And your feather, tickle me in my dreams. Tristan! Tristan.
(Whalemingo! Whalemingo! Whalemingo!)

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