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Where's Perry? (Part Two)/Transcript

< Where's Perry? (Part Two)

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Part I

(The scene opens in the Chez Afrique, with Linda and Lawrence sitting on a couch)
Lawrence: Well, it took three hours for them to untangle my hair from the gears, but I never lost my grip on that lava lamp.
Linda: Well, that explains the humming.
Lawrence: Yes, but fat lot of good it did me. I mean here we are, thirty years later and they've lost our reservation.
(The Maitre D walks over)
Maitre D: Oh, here it is. You were listed under "Fletcher-Flynn". My apologies.
Lawrence: Ah, here we are.
Linda: See, it all worked out.


(Scene shifts to the OWCA Headquarters)
Carl: You fool! Without Agent P's paw print, I can't unlock the computer. And without the computer, I can't take over the Tri-State Area.
Major Monogram: Nice recap.
Carl: Quiet back there! (at Doofenshmirtz) You! Which -inator zapped him?
Doofenshmirtz: You know, ah... I really am clueless.
Carl: About the -inator or just in general?
Doofenshmirtz: I'm not sure I understand the question.
Carl: Bah! I'll have to untangle this mess myself. The heat signature is wrong on the Disintegrat-inator. The angle is too obtuse for the Derezz-inator. The Julienn-inator isn't plugged in. And the Overhang-inator is just plain dumb.
Doofenshmirtz: Well, sure, until you wanna hang under something. Then what are you going to do, smart guy?
Carl: Continuing, the Smells-Like-Hay-inator, no. The Universe-inator just hit this trash can. Nothing left but this smudge. (sniffs) That means it can only be...
Doofenshmirtz: The Smudge-inator!
Carl: Did you make a Smudge-inator?
Doofenshmirtz: ...Ehhh... Continuing. (Carl grabs his nose)
Carl: The only -inator we haven't ruled out, that we actually have, is the Go-Home-inator. Meaning Perry the Platypus is home!
(Carl releases Doofenshimrtz's nose, then Doofenshmirtz falls backwards into a storage closet.)
Carl: Evil Flynn-Fletcher robots, let's drop by the Flynn-Fletcher house.
(Carl presses a button on his wristwatch communicator, revealing a state of the art aircraft. He then passes over the Flynn-Fletcher robots with a hand held metal detector, all of the beeping until Lawrence, who's holding a pineapple, sadly gives it to Carl.)
Major Monogram: You can't do this, Carl! You work for the OWCA!
Carl: Not anymore, Mono-grampa.
(The plane leaves)
Doofenshmirtz: Mono-grampa. I, I... That's good. Why didn't I think of that?
Major Monogram: You really think you'll be part of all this? He's playing you like a penny whistle in a really bad jazz band.
Doofenshmirtz: No. No. I'm part of the team! I am!
Major Monogram: Well, then why did he leave you behind?


(Back in Africa...)
Candace: He broke up with me! Of course he broke up with me. I mean, look at me. I'm a bundle of unbridled neuroses! I'm in Africa, surrounded by natural wonders, and all I can think about is finding a cell phone. (falling from tree) I'd break up with me too! Even the tree broke up with me! (gasps) Are you okay, Mr. Pockets? Jeremy's right. I shouldn't be his girlfriend. I don't belong in society. I don't deserve to be a part of civilization! (sobs) Candace is out! Peace! I'm going native!

(Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, Buford, and Baljeet are hanging onto vines over Haijulikani Wadi.)
Isabella: Phineas! Do something!
Buford: Phineas, please help us.
Isabella: Phineas, please help us.
Buford: What's wrong with him? I feel like we've been hanging here for weeks. I mean, I got the brawn for it, but it's not like I don't have other stuff to do.
Baljeet: The weight of your freakish muscles will only pull you down faster. And why does he just stare into space like that? (screams) Phineas, help us!
Isabella: Phineas, help us.
Buford: Hey, dinner bell! Help us! Phineas!
Isabella: Phineas!
(Their vines begin to tear)
Baljeet: I am slipping!
Phineas: We have to get down there.
Isabella: What?
Buford: Up, good. Down, bad!
Phineas: Hold on, everyone! (swings on his vine, and then grabs onto his friends) Guys, grab on. Baljeet!
(Buford's vine snaps)
Phineas and Isabella: Buford!
Baljeet: Radius times the angle of rotation, taking into account wind velocity and humidity! (He throws a piece of vine, capturing Buford by his ankle.) Brains!
(They all tumble off onto a ledge)
Phineas: Come on, you guys. Perry needs our help!
Isabella: What?
Baljeet: Perry?
Buford: Uh, hello! We left him back home!


(At the Flynn-Fletcher house, the evil robots break in.)
Carl: Agent P, where are you!?
(The robots begin scanning for Perry. The Candace robot ends up in Candace's room.)
Robot Candace: Jeremy, human boyfriend.
(The phone in her room rings)
Jeremy: (On the answering machine) Hey, it's me. So, I was trying to tell you before...
(Back on the main floor)
Carl: He's not here! Where is he?


(Scene shifts back to Phineas, Ferb, and their friends in Africa.)
Baljeet: How could he be in Africa?
Isabella: Maybe it was a different platypus.
Buford: Yeah! Afristralia's probably full of 'em!
Phineas: Look, I know it doesn't make any sense, but he was right here! I saw him! He's alone and he needs are help. And I'm gonna find him.
(Phineas goes off, followed by Ferb, then the rest.)
Buford: I don't get it. How were you able to hold me up?
Baljeet: I tied your vine to my own. But how did you fall in slow motion?
Buford: Eh, it's a brawn thing.
Baljeet: Oh, here we go again!
(Meanwhile, Perry, who had been watching the whole conversation, walks off then chatters sadly.)
(His wristwatch communicator beeps.)
Carl: Why, hello, Agent P. Just wanted to catch up a bit. We never get any time to talk! In fact, we should totally get together in person. Considering that you're in such a lovely region with one-of-a-kind flowers...
(Perry yanks off his wristwatch communicator)
Carl: (Still at the Flynn-Fletcher house) Let's see, red petals, three golden pistils... Dendrobium uncharticum. Presumed to exist only in uncharted regions in... Africa? I was sure he was struck by the Go Home-inator. We didn't even have a Go to Africa-inator. No matter; soon his tiny hand print will be mine, and then the OWCA will be mine, and then the Tri-State Area will be mine, and then I'm totally getting extra credit.

(Scene shifts to the OWCA headquarters)
Doofenshmirtz: I don't know how I didn't see it before. He was... he was using me!
Major Monogram: Doctor Doofenshmirtz...
Doofenshmirtz: I trusted him and he just cast me aside, like a, like, like an old newspaper. He didn't even wrap fish in me!
Major Monogram: Oh, for Pete's sake, Heinz! Evil Carl must be stopped. We have to work together.
Doofenshmirtz: Not that being tied around a fish is what I imagined for my...-- Wait, what'd you mean "we?"
Major Monogram: We have to work together to save Agent P.
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, no way, José! With Perry the Platypus out of the way, I can finally take over the Tri-State Area!
Major Monogram: Not if Carl takes it over first.
(Doofenshmirtz pauses)
Major Monogram: Let it sink in. ...Two...Three...
(Heinz screams like a little girl)
Major Monogram: Atta boy, now come on over here and let me out. We have to follow him.
Doofenshmirtz: But how? He took your jet!
Major Monogram: Oh, did he?

(Another jet comes from below)
Major Monogram: Carl always changes my radio station when we fly together, so I had this jet build just for me. That's, uh, partly why are budget is so tight now. We can track through the on board G.P.S. Now, come on, let's go. We've got a world to save. (He puts on a pair of sunglasses)
Doofenshmirtz: Wait a minute, wait a minute. How did you get the sunglasses to go on one side of your face? Who made these, M.C. Escher?
Major Monogram: He was a family friend. Now get on the plane, we've got a Tri-State Area to save.


(Song: "Livin' with Monkeys")
Candace: (singing offscreen) Tired of all the games
People play with your emotions
Tired of all the pressures of society
Tired of always feeling like I'm going through the motions
Fed up with all the fretting and anxiety

So I'm leaving it all behind
The house, the car, running water, electricity...
Yes, I'm leaving it all behind
No more heartache, pain, and sorrow
No more stressing about tomorrow

'Cause here is my new life
I'm feeling free
And I'm living with monkeys

And admittedly, that's a little strange.

Yeah, I'm living with monkeys

They accepted me as one of their own ('Cause I'm living with monkeys)
At least that's I'm assuming (Yeah, I'm living with monkeys!)
It's not really all that bad
Once you get used to all the grooming
Cause, I'm living with monkeys!

(In monkey language) Beautiful sunset isn't it?
Monkey: I've seen better.

Phineas: Platypuses always head west when they're lost. At least I think they do and I think this is west. I think.
Isabella: Uh, Phineas? We've been thinking, too, and isn't it time we, you know, find our way back?
Phineas: And stop looking for Perry? Are you kidding? He's our pet! He's more than our pet, he's our friend! And, I know he's out there. (shows reactions of Buford, Isabella, and Baljeet respectively)
Baljeet: We are in Africa.
Isabella: Yeah.
Buford: Pretty much sums it up.
Ferb: Well, has he been wrong before?
Buford: How wide are we willing to open this up?
Isabella: Wait. Look!
Phineas: Perry's footprints! Come on, gang, Perry's alone and helpless in a strange jungle. We've gotta find him before anything else does.
Buford: You know, that could be just a duck.

(Perry begins running, only to encounter a large number of African animals, glaring at him. Meanwhile, Carl and his robots land in Haijulikani Wadi.)
Carl: Dendrobium uncharticum. Yep, we're in the right place. Fan out and find that platypus. (The robots do so)

Major Monogram: (in his plane) We should be in Africa soon.
Doofenshmirtz: But I'm running way low on materials. I'm going to have to get a bit creative.
Major Monogram: Aren't we going to need that?
Doofenshmirtz: Uh, nah.
(The engine can be heard, rumbling)
Doofenshmirtz: Just out of curiosity, does this thing have a lifeboat?
Major Monogram: Uh, we're in a plane.
Doofenshmirtz: I knew that.

Phineas: I think we're getting close. I can feel it. Our worries are almost over.
Carl: (at the Lawrence robot who is in the bushes with him) Candy corn. (The robot gives him one, and Carl eats it)

Part II

(The Candace robot continues looking for Perry, but finds Candace, who has gone completely wild.)
Candace Robot: Candace.
Candace: Candar.
Candace Robot: Candace. Love. Jeremy.
(Candace howls, and climbs into the trees.)

Baljeet: Brains.
Buford: Brawn.
Baljeet: Brains.
Buford: Brawn.
Phineas: Oh, no. Oh, no. I lost his tracks. I don't know which direction to go.
Isabella: Wait! Grubs! Platypuses love grubs!
Phineas: They sure do, like Ferb and haggis.
Isabella: Maybe he came this way for food. Ugh, how am I ever going to get that grub-eating patch.
Phineas: Perry's fur!
Baljeet: He went that-a-way.
Isabella: Let's go.
Buford: Were we on "brains" or "brawn"?
Baljeet: Brains.
Buford: No, brawn.
Baljeet: Brains.

Major Monogram: That thing's not going to do us any good, if we don't survive the flight.
Doofenshmirtz: I'm building a Re-Good-inator, solely from parts from this plane. Do you know how many evil scientists could actually accomplish this?
Major Monogram: I'll be impressed when we don't plummet to Earth on fire.
Doofenshmirtz: Oh, stop panicking, Francis. I haven't even touched the main stabilizers, you know... yet.


(The gang comes to a gorge, spanned by a fallen tree.)
Phineas: Perry must have crossed... here.
Baljeet: Maybe there is another way over.
Isabella: Looks pretty rickety.
Phineas: (Notices Perry) Perry!
Buford: Hey! Hey! There he is!
Isabella: My gosh, you were right. Hey, it's this way. Come on, let's go!
(Perry runs off)
Phineas: Perry must be scared. We're coming for you, buddy!
Carl: (From the bushes) Too easy.
(The Lawrence robot zaps the tree bridge, sending Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, Buford, and Baljeet plunging into the river.)
(Perry, hearing them screaming, comes out of the cave, only to run into Carl.)
Carl: Sorry about your friends, Agent P. I'm evil, what can I say? (Perry looks around) Oh, the new robots. Yeah, I had some free time. And now you're going to give me a hand. Literally.
(Perry whistles, calling a group of African animals, who all turn out to be OWCA agents.)
Carl: New recruits, huh? I see you want to do this the hard way. (He mimics a trumpet) Charge!

Phineas: (Holding onto a log, floating down the river) We've gotta get back to Perry somehow!
Baljeet: I think we have a problem here.
Buford: No kidding. Ladies and Gentlemen, brains.
(They fall off of a "waterfall")

Carl: Give it up, Agent P.
(The robots and agents continue fighting.)
(Meanwhile, Candace is being groomed by two monkeys in a tree. She suddenly notices that something is amiss.)

Baljeet: This would be quite fun it wasn't terrifying!
Phineas: Everybody, get behind me! Hang on.
(They all do, Phineas steers them onto a tree, which launches them out of the gorge.)
Baljeet: Lucky for us, this quicksand broke our fall.

(A horn playing "La Cucaracha" sounds from Monogram and Doofenshmirtz's plane.)
Major Monogram: You modified the horn?
Doofenshmirtz: That's what I needed the stabilizer for.
(The plane crashes through two rocks, tearing off the wings, and crashing the jet.)
Doofenshmirtz: We live! See? See, one day you're gonna look back on this and laugh.
Major Monogram: I assure you, for the rest of my life, every time I look back on this I will personally drive over to your house and smack you.
(Meanwhile, Candace swings down and saves a lemur agent from an impending robot.)
Major Monogram: Is that thing ready?
Doofenshmirtz: I, I still need a few parts.
Major Monogram: No problem. (He jumps off the plane, tears off his clothes revealing a leotard) We're surrounded by parts.
Doofenshmirtz: If you can manage it, I need a ball-joint compressor.
(Monogram begins fighting robots)
Major Monogram: Catch.
Doofenshmirtz: Thanks
Monogram Robot: Put 'em up, handsome.
(Candace takes out the Isabella robot, but soon gets cornered by the Phineas one.)
Phineas robot: I know what I am going to destroy today.
(The Candace robot flings herself in front of Candace, taking the laser hit for her, then shoots her own laser at the Phineas robot.)
Candace Robot: You're busted.
Candace: Ooh-ooh! You saved me. Why did you sacrifice yourself?
Candace Robot: No Jeremy robot for me.
Candace: Jeremy?
Candace Robot: Jeremy.
Jeremy: (His earlier voice mail) Hey, it's me. So I was trying to tell you before, but we kept breaking up. Sorry, I missed you at the airport. I got caught up with my band, but I can't wait for you to hear the song we recorded. I wrote it just for you. Call me when you can. I miss you.
Candace: Wait, Jeremy didn't break up with me?
Candace Robot: Call him.
(Two doors open up, with a cellphone behind them.)
Candace: Jeremy? (at the robot) Thank you. (at Jeremy) Jeremy! Oh, it's so good to talk to you. No, I'm so sorry about that. I was just on the top of a tree, and I didn't have any service. And then I...

Phineas: Isabella, anything in the Fireside Manual about escaping from quicksand?
Isabella: I'll bring it up at the next meeting.
Buford: Hey, guys, I landed up here. Should I come down?
Baljeet: No! Throw down that vine. NO! Just one end.
Buford: Okay, But I don't know what you're gonna do with half of a vine.
Baljeet: Is it me? It is him, right?
Phineas: Buford, pull.
(Buford groans)
Phineas: On the vine.
Buford: Oops, sorry.
Phineas: It's him.
Buford: Here we go.
Baljeet: Oh man, I have never been pantsed by a continent before.
Buford: Don't feel bad, when we got out of here, I was gonna do that to you anyway.


Major Monogram: Hurry up, Heinz.
Doofenshmirtz: Okay, I-I just need one more thing. A small piece of tape.
Major Monogram: Tape?
Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, you know, any, any kind of adhesive, anything. A sticker, adhesive bandage, uh... (He pulls the mustache off the Monogram Robot) Oh. This'll do. That's it, the Re-Good-inator, it's finished. Wait, wait hold on. Behold the Re-Good-in...
Major Monogram: Heinz, just shoot Carl with it!
Doofenshmirtz: Yeah, see, that's the problem. It's mounted to the deck, and I can't swivel it. Bit of an oversight, I guess.
Major Monogram: (Still fighting with the robot) What? Where's it pointed?
Doofenshmirtz: Uh, right at that X-shaped rock. Wow, how serendipitous.
Monogram: Great googly-moogly! Heinz, hold down the fort.
Doofenshmirtz: Wait, we have a fort? What am I doing out here?
Monogram: Agent P, I need you to get evil Carl in front of that "X". And yes, I wear a leotard under my Nehru jacket. Quickly, we'll only get one shot.
Carl: Finish them. Finish them!
(Perry lands in front of Carl, taunting him with his hand.)
Carl: I will have that paw print! Those digits are mine! You're running out of room, Agent P. (Perry and Carl reach the X-shaped rock) Now, let's get this over with.
(He opens his shirt revealing a tablet waiting for Perry's paw print.)
Computer: Awaiting paw print. (Perry uses his tail to pull himself away from Carl)
Carl:Your prehensile tail won't save you now.
Doofenshmirtz: He's coming into range.
Major Monogram: Pull, Agent P. Pull!
(Carl notices the -inator pointed at him, and backs out of range.)
Carl: Oops.
Doofenshmirtz: He backed out of range!
Major Monogram: All is lost.
(Perry chatters)
Doofenshmirtz: He wants me to take the shot.
Major Monogram: What's the point? He's out of range.
Doofenshmirtz: I'm going to take it.
Major Monogram: Game over, man!
(The -inator begins powering up, and Perry takes out a picture of Phineas and Ferb.)
Carl: What?
(The -inator fires, bounces off the picture, and hits Carl.)
Major Monogram: Boo-yah!
Doofenshmirtz: What a marksman!
Major Monogram: Well, it only points at one place.
Doofenshmirtz: You can't give me anything, can you?
Carl: ...What happened?
Major Monogram: Carl! How are you feeling, kid?
Carl: I feel... good!
Monogram: Oh, I'm glad. Now, clean up this mess you've made.
Carl: Yes, sir.
Major Monogram: Oh, and Carl?
Carl: Yes, Major?
Major Monogram: Uh, recent events have brought it to my attention that you're a great help to me. And, uh, not quite sure what I'd do without you, in fact.
Carl: Really?
Major Monogram: Yes, and... and as of this moment, I am officially promoting you to the title of "Paid Intern."
Carl: Th-Th-Thank you, sir.
Major Monogram: You understand we won't actually be paying you. It's just a title.
Carl: Of course, sir. (Joyfully) Whoo-hoo!
Major Monogram: Good work, Agent P. You'll come back on the jet with us. Obviously, we can't have you...
Phineas: (In the distance) Perry! Perry!
(Perry looks at Monogram pleadingly.)
Major Monogram: Go on, you've earned it.
(Perry runs to go find Phineas and Ferb.)
Major Monogram: Come on, we've got to get out of here. We'll just use the jet's big magnet to pick up all this stuff.
Doofenshmirtz: Wait, wait; you guys are going to give me a ride back, aren't you?
Major Monogram: Sure, Heinz; after all, home is where the prisons are.
Doofenshmirtz: You're kidding, right?
Major Monogram: Do you want a ride or not?
Doofenshmirtz: Not if you're not kidding.
(The plane takes off, picking up all the robots as well as the highly unconventional vehicle.)


Phineas: We're almost there! There you are, Perry!
(Perry chatters)
Phineas: He's here, guys. He's really here!
Candace: Hey, guys.
Phineas, Isabella, Buford, and Baljeet: Hi, Candace.
Phineas: Nice outfit. Looks like you really embraced Africa. Now we just have to find our way out of the gorge.
Candace: Chill, guys. I got this.
(Candace lets out a call, and two elephants appear, one still wearing his fedora, which Perry reminds him to take off before the kids see.)
Candace: Don't worry, it's just our ride.
Phineas: Great idea, Candace. You're a natural.
Candace: I know, right?


Carl: Sir, there's something I still don't get. I'm absolutely positive Agent P got hit with the Go Home-inator. So why did he end up in Africa of all places?
Major Monogram: His family.
Carl: Sir?
Major Monogram: Well, they're here in Africa. Home is where the heart is, Carl.
Carl: True, sir.
(A loud crash is heard)
Major Monogram: Don't touch anything!
Doofenshmirtz: I didn't!

(Song: "On the Savannah" (instrumental))
(Scene shifts to the research station)
Linda: Look at that. Oh, I got to say, Africa is unbelievable.
Phineas: So, wait, how was the restaurant?
Linda: Eh, not my thing.
Lawrence: Nothing to write home about.
Baljeet: I guess it takes brawn and brains together to survive in the wild.
Buford: Whatever, give me your food.
Baljeet: Alright.
Isabella: Hey, Iggy, these s'mores are great.
Ignatius: Yeah, they have my secret ingredient... Grubs.
Isabella: Really? Thank you, Africa!
Phineas: Hey, can I have one for Perry?
Ignatius: I admit, I have never really studied the platypus, but I am absolutely shocked that this one somehow followed you all the way to Africa. It seems... impossible.
Ferb: Well, ever since George Shaw wrote the first description of the platypus for highly skeptical European scientists in 1798, this unique creature has become synonymous with the word "impossible."
Phineas: You know, Ferb's right.
Isabella, Buford and Baljeet: Yeah.
Candace: Really? You're all satisfied with that answer?
Lawrence: Alright, well, we're turning in.
Buford: Yeah, me too.
Phineas: 'Night.
Candace: Seriously, a platypus crosses the Atlantic Ocean, finds you on the vast continent of Africa and no one feels this is worthy of a longer discussion?
Phineas: It's been a long day, Candace, go to sleep.
Buford: Yeah, It'll probably all make sense in the morning.
Candace: Really? That's it? Nobody's with me here?

End credits

(Song: "Livin' with Monkeys")
Candace: The house, the car, running water, electricity...
Yes, I'm leaving it all behind
No more heartache, pain, and sorrow
No more stressing about tomorrow

'Cause here is my new life
I'm feeling free
And I'm living with monkeys

And admittedly, that's a little strange.

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