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Wizard of Odd/Transcript

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Part I

(Scene opens up showing the Flynn-Fletcher house.)
Linda: (from inside) Enough moping around, Candace. (cut to inside Candace's room where Candace is sitting on her bed, she approaches her.) Phineas and Ferb said they've devised a fun way to wash the house. Why don't you join them? Have some fun for a change!
Candace: For a change? I have lots of fun!
Linda: You mean, obsessively trying to bust your brothers for their mystery crimes? Is that "fun"?
Candace: I have fun. I'm like the queen of fun! I have fun all day!
Linda: I can tell. Well, if you just sit inside today, you should at least do a little reading.
Candace: Aw, Mom?
Linda: It's one of my favorites.
Candace: The Wizard of Oz. Isn't this for babies?
Linda: Or you could wipe down Perry's platypus plaza play set.
Candace: (Opens book) I'm reading, I'm reading!
Linda: Well, I'll be at my weight lifting class. Have fun!
(Linda leaves.)

(Candace starts reading, but after some time, puts the book down and falls back on her bed.)
Candace: Ah! Oh, my eyes hurt! (to a picture of Jeremy) Oh, Jeremy, you're the only one who understands-
Buford: Hi, Candace!
Candace: AHH! Buford, Baljeet, what do you two want?
Buford: What, like in a metaphysical sense? Nothing. I'm good.
Baljeet: I want to be cool!
Buford: That's not gonna happen.
Baljeet: Oh....
Candace: I mean, why are you looking in my window, duh!
Buford: Oh, Ferb says I should tell you we're about to start washing the house, and you can help us out if you want!
Candace: Not likely.
Buford: Either way, you might want to put on some waterproof undergarments.
Candace: Will you get out of here?!?
(Buford and Baljeet climbs down the ladder)
Candace: (opens book again) Blah blah Dorothy, blah blah Kansas. There's a cyclone coming?

(House starts shaking and loud rumbling is heard. View changes to the outside of the house and shows a large pole lifting it up.)
Phineas: Okay Ferb, let her lift.

(Shows Candace again)
Candace: (Flies off bed) AH!

(Cuts back to house, now it's spinning.)
Phineas: Take your positions everybody! And remember, even strokes.
(Phineas uses a hose to spray the house as it spins.)
Baljeet: Do you guys always wash the house like this?
Phineas: Sometimes, we give it a bath,
(Cut to a giant bathtub sitting in the streets of Danville.)
but the city's using the tub as a reservoir.

(Shows Candace getting dizzy while her bedroom is spinning.)
Candace: Whoa! What's happening? (Gargling) Phineas! Ferb!
(Cut back to her room showing Candace all wet, then passes out.)

(Cut back to the outside of the house, then the house spins faster.)
Phineas: Okay. Full speed now!

(Cut back to Candace, she gets dizzy as she is laying on the floor, then her picture of Jeremy starts spinning forming a portal.)
Linda: (echoes) Try to have fun!
Baljeet: (echoes) I want to be cool!
Talking Zebra: (echoes) Hello.
Buford: (echoes) I don't want nothin'!
Baljeet: (echoes) Waterproof undergarments! Wheeeeeeeee!
(The house spins around through the portal, then sees Phineas and Ferb's faces coming together.)
Phineas: (echoes) Hey! I wonder where Perry went?

(Crash; Candace wakes up, then Perry chatters.)

Candace: Ew! Gross! Perry!

(Cut to outside of the house, then Candace opens the slider.)
Oh, wow! (Her perspective of a different landscape) Perry, I don't think we're in Danville anymore.
Dream Fireside Girl: You're in Patchkinland! We're Patchkins, and we welcome you because,... (sing-song) Little Witch Suzy was a louse, now she's squished under your house!
Little Witch Suzy: (muffled) I'm alright!
(Dream Fireside Girl spits)
Dream Fireside Girl: I have saliva.
Candace: Gross!
Dream Fireside Girl: Eyeball!
The Patchkins: Eyeball! Eyeball!
(The Eyeball floats down to Patchkinland, then pops revealing The Good-Witch, Isabella.)
The Good-Witch, Isabella: What'cha doin'? (walks up to Candace) I'm The Good-Witch, Isabella. Welcome to Patchkinland!
Little Witch Suzy: (muffled) Hello?! Can someone get this off me?!
Doofenwitch Warlock: (shouting in the background) Don't touch those boots!!!
The Patchkins: Witch! Witch! Witch!
Doofenwitch Warlock: Not witch, Warlock! It's a robe! Not a dress!
(a crash is heard as he lands on the ground)
I suppose I should thank you for squishing little Suzy.
Little Witch Suzy: (muffled) I'm okay, if you'd just lift this house off me!
Doofenwitch Warlock: But I won't, because I'm wicked! Heeheehee. I'll just take these little boots, and be right on my--
(Red rubber boots disappear)
What? What happened?!? Where are my boots?!?
The Good-Witch, Isabella: Right there... on Candace.
Little Witch Suzy: (muffled) Now my feet are cold.
Doofenwitch Warlock: Give me those boots!
The Good-Witch, Isabella: She doesn't have to give you anything! You have no real power in this part of Odd!
Doofenwitch Warlock: Wrong! I have the power of positive thinking! True, it doesn't really... help me this instance, but you can't stay in Patchkinland forever! That's right! I'll get you,... and your little platypus too.
Perry: (Growls back defiantly)
Doofenwitch Warlock: Now, check me out as I disappear into an evil cloud of black smoke! Ha ha!
(Black smoke surrounds Doofenwitch Warlock. Smoke disappears, revealing him in a charred and withered style.)
You know, I'm just gonna use my bus pass.
Little Witch Suzy: (muffled) Seriously! Can someone get a jack or something?
Candace: I don't know how, but I bet Phineas and Ferb are behind all of this!
(Backdrop falls, then shows Phineas and Ferb)
Phineas: Oh, hi, Candace!
Candace: I knew it!
Phineas: Have fun!
(Ferb pulls the rope, the backdrop rises quickly, then Candace runs towards Phineas and Ferb but then finds out it has actually become a real background)
Candace: Wait! Stop! How did you--? (Growls in frustration, then walks toward The Good-Witch, Isabella)
Alright, Eyeball girl! Where can I go to bust someone around here?
The Good-Witch, Isabella: You can always try Bustopolis. That's where the wizard lives.
Candace: Can the wizard bust my brothers?
The Good-Witch, Isabella: You bet'cha!
Candace: How do I get there?

(Song: "Yellow Sidewalk")
The Good-Witch, Isabella: Well, listen to this.

The Patchkins: Ooo-hoo! Ooo-hoo! Ooo-hoo! La-la-la-la-la-la-la.
The Good-Witch, Isabella: Well, the sky is blue and the breeze is mellow.
I'll tell you what to do,
Take the walkway that's yellow 

It'll get you where you want to go 
Just take the yellow sidewalk.

The Patchkins: Ooo-hoo! La-la-la-la-la-la-la.

The Good-Witch, Isabella: Just take the yellow one, not the one that's burnt umber 
And don't you take that purple one, it's covered with lumber 
Candace: What?

The Good-Witch, Isabella: A log truck overturned last Tuesday 
Take the Yellow Sidewalk 

The Patchkins: Ooo-hoo! Ooo-hoo!
Police Officer: Nothing to see here, move along.

The Good-Witch, Isabella: If you wanna bust your brothers 
Put one foot after another 
There's a road that leads you out of this square 

And there's nothing really stopping us,
So let us state the obvious 
If you standing here, baby...
The Good-Witch, Isabella/The Patchkins: You're going nowhere!

The Good-Witch, Isabella: So, if you're really in a busting mood,
Please don't think I'm being rude! 
Just grab yourself some take-out food, and hit that yellow sidewalk!

The Patchkins: Ooo-hoo! Ooo-hoo! Ooo-hoo! La-la-la-la-la-la-la!
Ooo-hoo! Ooo-hoo! Ooo-hoo! La-la-la-la-la-la-la...

(The Eyeball starts to form around The Good-Witch, Isabella)
The Good-Witch, Isabella: So, remember, if you wanna bust your brothers, stay on the yellow sidewalk! (floats away)

(Fades out into a cornfield; Candace and Perry walk up the yellow sidewalk, then stops)
Candace: I hope there's not gonna be a lot of singing in this thing. (sighs) How much further is this "Bustopolis"?
Nerdcrow (Baljeet): For some of us, it is a world away!
Candace: What are you supposed to be?
Nerdcrow (Baljeet): I am a nerdcrow. I hang in cornfields, wedgie-style, to keep the crows away. They would not be caught dead anywhere around me. For you see, despite of my above average mathematical skills, I am not cool.
Candace: That's fascinating. But, I'm on my way to Bustopolis to ask the wizard to bust my brothers.
Nerdcrow (Baljeet): The Wizard?!? (falls to the ground) Oof! Do you think the wizard can do something for me?
Candace: What do you want?
Nerdcrow (Baljeet): Allow me to put it in song!

(Song: "I Wish I Was Cool")
I want to be cool, cool, cool.
I feel like such a foo-oo-ool,
'Cause everybody I see
Everybody but me,
Knows a secret to cool, cool, cool.
They don't teach it in schoo-oo-ool.
Ain't no pamphlet they wrote,
No one pass me that note.
Guess that I missed the boat,
Down the--

Candace: (interrupting) Alright! That's enough!
(Song stops)
I get it. You want to Bustopolis and ask the wizard for coolness, right?
Nerdcrow (Baljeet): (eagerly) Do I!
Candace: Fine, you can come along.
(Candace leaves)
Nerdcrow (Baljeet): Boy, howdy!
(Nerdcrow (Baljeet) catches up with Candace, then the ending part of The Yellow Sidewalk plays)
Candace: But, no singing, and don't stand too close. Too close!
Nerdcrow (Baljeet): Sorry.

The Patchkins: (singing in background) Ooo-hoo! Ooo-hoo! Ooo-hoo! La-la-la-la-la-la-la--

(record needle scratches)
Phineas: Hi, Candace! So, you two on your way to Bustopolis? 'Cause Ferb and I made a more fun way to get there. We've built a beautiful horse path through a candy forest, and genetically engineered some unicorns to ride.
Candace: Oh, no. No, we are staying on the yellow sidewalk.
Nerdcrow (Baljeet): Do I have a say in this matter?
Candace: No. Let's go!
Nerdcrow (Baljeet): Yes, Candace.
Phineas: Sorry you're gonna miss out on all of the fun! (to Ferb) I'll race you to marshmallow meadow, Ferb. (while riding unicorn with Ferb down the horse path) Well, this is fun. It's a little girly for us, isn't it?
Ferb: Well, it is Candace's dream.


(Cut to outside of Doofenwitch Warlock's Castle which looks like Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated)
Doofenshmirtz Wicked Witch Castle!
Doofenwitch Warlock: It's not witch! It's warlock! Argh! Let me just check my security.
(Cut to Doofenwitch Warlock's crystal ball)
(Beep) The front door looks good.
(Beep) The back door looks good.
(Beep, then shows Agent P climbing up) The platypus outside my window looks good.
(shocked) The platypus outside my--
(Agent P attacks Doofenwitch Warlock on his face)
Ooh! Oh! Gross!
(Doofenwitch Warlock throws Agent P to a spider web, then traps him)
Hey. I know you... you're with that little boot thief, right? Well, I'm going to send out my flying squirrels after her! (sighs) Those stunning little planes, they're cute, but, you know, that they don't fly so fast. We've got some time.


(Cut to Candace and Nerdcrow (Baljeet) still walking the yellow sidewalk)
Nerdcrow (Baljeet): How much farther do we have to go?
Candace: All I know is, Phineas and Ferb are behind all this, and if I follow this sidewalk, I will bust them.
(Candace looks, then spots a rusted tin man)
Wait a minute, I know this. There should be an oil can around here.
Jeremy-Tree: (clears throat) Could you leave the lumberjack alone?
Candace: Jeremy? Forget this! (throws the rusted tin man away, a crash is heard) Oh, hi! I-I couldn't help, but notice that you're, um...
Jeremy-Tree: A tree?
Candace: A-ttractive.
Jeremy-Tree: It's OK. I know I'm a tree.
Candace: Well, we're gonna go and see if the wizard can go and grant our wishes. Uh,...do you have a wish?
Jeremy-Tree: Do I have a wish?

(Song: "Tree Related Wish")

Jeremy-Tree:  Would you take a good look at me, I stand before you as a tree. And you ask me what my wish would be.
Nerdcrow (Baljeet): How come he gets to sing--
Candace: (covering Nerdcrow's mouth) Shhhh.
Jeremy-Tree: It's probably related to me being a tree.
(Birds flying from Jeremy-Tree's top to the sky)
It's my tree-related wish.
Candace and others: (Tree-Related Wish)
Jeremy-Tree: It's my tree-related wish.
Possums: (Tree-Related Wish)
Jeremy-Tree: It's my tree-related wish.
Bear: (Tree-Related Wish)
Jeremy-Tree: I'll tell you what it is when we get to Bustopolis.

Candace: Oooo. I can't wait to find out. Come on, let's go.
(Candace leaves, then Nerdcrow enters right next to Jeremy-Tree, then part of The Yellow Sidewalk plays)
Nerdcrow: Aren't you just going to wish not to be a tree?
Jeremy-Tree: Shhh.
(Jeremy-Tree and Nerdcrow catches up with Candace)
Girls like a little mystery.


The Patchkins: La-la-la-la-la-la-la--

(record needle scratches)
Phineas: Hi, Candace. From this point, you have two routes to Bustopolis.
(The scene pans out to a sign with two routes to Bustopolis)
On your right is a yellow sidewalk through a terrifying beastbog.
(A giant drop of water comes out of the bog)
Beastbog: We have saliva!
(Candace, Nerdcrow, and Jeremy-Tree in a shocked look while ominous music plays)
Phineas: And on your left, Ferb and I have built a frozen non-dairy treat sidewalk through an ice cream canyon. You can skate it and lick it for the ultimate favorable fun.
Nerdcrow and Jeremy-Tree: Ice Cream, ICE CREAM!!!
Candace: Oh, no, you don't! We're staying on this sidewalk until we meet the wizard and you're busted.
(Candace runs to the beastbog)
Crow, Tree, let's go!
(Nerdcrow and Jeremy-Tree follows Candace to the beastbog)
Nerdcrow (Baljeet), Jeremy-Tree: Yes, Candace.
(Candace, Nerdcrow (Baljeet) and Jeremy-Tree leaves into the beastbog while Phineas and Ferb watches them go)
Phineas: Well... there is only one thing left to do.

(Cut to Phineas and Ferb ice-skating across the frozen non-diary treat sidewalk through an ice cream canyon)
Phineas: Whoo-hoo! Yeah! Whoo-hoo!

(Cut back to Candace, Nerdcrow (Baljeet) and Jeremy-Tree walking through the beastbog)
Candace: This is better than an ice cream canyon, isn't it?
Nerdcrow (Baljeet): Oh, yes, I much prefer rotting vegetation and blood-sucking demons.
Jeremy-Tree: Sure are some scary looking trees in here.
Creepy Tree: Hey, we can't all be movie stars.
Candace: I... I... I think there's something up there.
Stacy-Owl: Whoo?!
Candace: AHH!
Nerdcrow (Baljeet): What is that?
Jeremy-Tree: Where?
Nerdcrow (Baljeet): There!
Candace: It looks like a lion.
Jeremy-Tree: No, looks like a tiger.
Nerdcrow (Baljeet): I think it is a bear.
Lion-Tiger-Bear Guy (Buford): No, I'm a combination lion, tiger, and bear.
Candace, Jeremy-Tree, Nerdcrow (Baljeet): Oh, my!
Lion-Tiger-Bear Guy (Buford): If I had a nickel every time I heard that...
Candace: All right! Let's blow this pop stand! (pauses) What? (another pause) Oh, fine. (at Lion-Tiger-Bear Guy (Buford)) My friends and I are going to Bustopolis to each get something from the Wizard. Do you want to come? There!
Lion-Tiger-Bear Guy (Buford): Nah. I don't want nothin'.
Candace: Ok. Chop, chop, fellas! Time's a-waistin'.
Lion-Tiger-Bear Guy (Buford): But I am reminded of a song.

(Song: "I Want Nothing")
Lion-Tiger-Bear Guy (Buford): I... waaaaaaaaaaant... Nothin.

Candace: Well, at least it was short. Come on!
Nerdcrow (Baljeet), Jeremy-Tree, Lion-Tiger-Bear Guy (Buford): Yes, Candace.


The Patchkins: La-la-la-la-la-la-la--


(record needle scratches)
Phineas: Hi, Candace. You guys could continue walking through this damp bog, and that would be awesome. But if you'd like to take the more fun route to Bustopolis, Ferb and I have built...
Candace: A blue sidewalk?
Phineas: A bouncy sidewalk! What do you say, Candace?
Candace: I think you already know my answer. Step it up, freaks!
Nerdcrow (Baljeet), Jeremy-Tree, Lion-Tiger-Bear Guy (Buford): Yes, Candace.
Phineas: Ok, have fun!
Candace: (growls in frustration)


Doofenwitch Warlock: Soon those boots will be mine! In the meantime, I'm going to leave you in the capable hands of my spider-monkey, or maybe a monkey-spider. I don't know what he is. Hehehe.
Spider-Monkey: (laughs, then grabs Agent P's fedora; only to get punched by a boxing glove) Owww!


Candace: Bouncy sidewalk. I'm keeping my eyes on the prize!
Jeremy-Tree: Hey, what's that?
Lion-Tiger-Bear Guy (Buford): Looks like a squadron of flying squirrels!
All: AHHHH!!!!
Lion-Tiger-Bear Guy (Buford): Hey! What are you doin'? Ow, ow, ow! I can't believe I'm doin' this for nothin'!
Nerdcrow (Baljeet): I wish I was still hanging by my underwear! Just kidding!
Jeremy-Tree: Come on! I'm a tree! I'm friends with squirrels! ... Oh, snap. (to Nerdcrow (Baljeet)) Oh, that's got to hurt.
Nerdcrow (Baljeet): You get use to it.
Candace: Squirrels! Squirrels! Whoaaaa! AHHH!
Jeremy-Tree: Oh, no. The squirrels have got Candace!
Nerdcrow (Baljeet): We've got to do something!
Lion-Tiger-Bear Guy (Buford): I got nothin'.
Phineas: Oh, hey, Candace. We're taking the bouncy sidewalk. Of course, your way looks fun, too.
Candace: I'm not having fun, and neither will you if I ever get back to the yellow sidewaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalk!

Part II

(Scene opens with Candace stuck to a large spider web in Doofenwitch Warlock's castle)
Candace: Okay. Kidnapped by flying squirrels and stuck in a web that came out of a monkey's butt. Hm. Well, I guess I have had weirder days.
(Perry chatters)
There you are, Perry.
Doofenwitch Warlock: Silence! I've got you now, missy. You may as well hand over those boots.
Candace: I would, but they've kind of grown on me.
Doofenwitch Warlock: I know. They're nice, aren't they? And the color really set off your eyes.
Candace: No, really. They've grown on me. I can't take them off.
Doofenwitch Warlock: If I can't take the boots off of you, I have to get you out of the boots, and by that, I mean, disintegrate you entirely!
Candace: Perry, I'm sorry I got you into this mess. Forget about me. Save yourself if you can.
(Perry cuts the web in front of him with a saw in his fedora)
Candace: Well, if it's that easy...
Doofenwitch Warlock: Ahhh! Get him off of me! Ahh! He could have rabies! ... Oh, I hate spider webs! ... Guards!
(The guards line up equally, except one who is wearing pink boxers with pink hearts)
Guard #1: Uh. ... Ready?
Guard #2: Yep.

(Instrumental version of Perry's theme)
Agent P!

Nerdcrow (Baljeet): Getting our wishes will not be the same without Candace.
Jeremy-Tree: I miss her, too, even if she was a little bossy.
Lion-Tiger-Bear Guy (Buford): I need a firm hand.
Nerdcrow (Baljeet): Look! It is Candace's pet platypus. Has he always have that hat?
Lion-Tiger-Bear Guy (Buford): What's he want?
(Perry chatters)
Lion-Tiger-Bear Guy (Buford): Could be rabies.
Major Monogram: Gentlemen, we're out to stop Doofenwitch. You want to rescue the girl. I see an opportunity for some inter-agency cooperation. Now, here's the plan. Wait, why am I a fairy?

Doofenwitch Warlock: See this hourglass? When this sand runs out, that’s when this big electric timer begins. And when that time runs out, it activates the Brat-Begone-Inator to vaporize you right out of your boots! Haha!
(Doorbell rings)
Ooo! Someone is at my door! (opens door) Hello?
Jeremy-Tree: Hi! You've been selected for a free haunted castle makeover from Witches Brew magazine.
Doofenwitch Warlock: Not witch! Warlock!
Jeremy-Tree: What about the dress?
Doofenwitch Warlock: It's a robe! Whatever, I'm not going to turn down a free makeover. Come on in. I'll show you around.
Lion-Tiger-Bear Guy (Buford): I see you have a bunch of spider webs. Sure, they're classic, but overdone. We say it's more of a modern witch.
Doofenwitch Warlock: Warlock!
Lion-Tiger-Bear Guy (Buford): Yeah, whatever.

Candace: Hey! Weren't you taller? ... Perry! Quick! Get me out of here before that whatever -inator zaps me. ... Haha! That tickles! (giggles)

Doofenwitch Warlock: I like it!
(Rumbling)
Ooh! My Begone-Inator! I'm going to check my crystal ball.
(whacks the crystal ball) Come on! Doofy wants a new pair of boots! What's this? (gasps) Well, they won't get away so easy this time!
(Lion-Tiger-Bear Guy knocks the crystal ball off its stand)
Why did you do that?
Lion-Tiger-Bear Guy (Buford): It's part of the makeover.
Doofenwitch Warlock: Wait a minute! Guards! Again!
Guard #1: Dude.
Guard #2: I'm good.
Lion-Tiger-Bear Guy (Buford): Run for it!
Doofenwitch Warlock: Don't let them escape!
Jeremy-Tree: Candace! Perry!
Doofenwitch Warlock: Ahahaha! How convenient! Everyone's all together.
Jeremy-Tree: Yeah, we're kind of expected in Bustopolis. You know; the Wizard, great and powerful.
Doofenwitch Warlock: Shut up! You're a tree!
Candace: Wait a minute! You can't talk to Jeremy like that!
Doofenwitch Warlock: Put that bucket down!
Candace: Melt, evil witch!
Doofenwitch Warlock: You little brat! This outfit is 100% cotton. ... Oh, it's shrinking! It's shrinking! I have to go to change my clothes.
Candace: Sorry, I only meant to melt you.
Doofenwitch Warlock: Guards! Dispose of them while I switch into my track suit.
Candace: Dispose of us?!? You... you really don't want to do that, do you?
Guard: Well, no, but nobody ever asked us what we want to do.
Candace: 'Well, what do you want to do?
Guard: There's a little number we've been working on. Hit it, boys.

(Song: "The Guards' Wishes")

Guards: Well, we've been cooped up in this castle,
So who cares what people say,
We haven't had a chance to dance since we were on Broadway! Hey!
The power of the wizard's all but stopped us from our dance,
Nerdcrow (Baljeet): What the hey! Everyone gets to sing but me?
Guards: Now then boys, let's make some noise! Kick up your heels and dance! Hey!

Doofenwitch Warlock: I'm back! Sheesh, no need to celebrate. I've been gone a minute. Wait! Where are my prisoners? ... Oh, they're escaping, you fools! After them! Raise the drawbridge!  ... Oh, great! The monkey is the only one working here!
(Growling)
Candace: Great! Now what? ... No way!
Jeremy-Tree: Hold on!
Candace: Ahhhhh!!!!
Doofenwitch Warlock: Curse you...! Ahhh!!! I'll get you! Ahhh!!! Oh, forget it.

Phineas: Hey, Candace! Isn't this fun?
Candace: Fun? Not if you think so! ... Huh? ... Squirrel! Squirrel!
Phineas: Wow, tough luck, and over the Sea of Razor Sharp Rock Spires, too. ... Good thing it's so inappropriately named.

Lion-Tiger-Bear Guy (Buford): Hey! Look over there!
Candace: Bustopolis! Come on!

The stuff Phineas and Ferb made! It’s all here! The ultimate bust!
Elf: Follow the yellow...!
Candace: Oh, shut up!
Elf: Well! (gets trampled)

Phineas: Fun way to the top, Candace?
Candace: Forget it! I'm taking the yellow stairs! (Runs up said stairs)
Nerdcrow (Baljeet): Three please.

Candace: Hello? I'm Candace the me and... ... Whoa! ... Guys, you're making look bad in front of the Wizard.
(Cell phone beeps)
Um, hello? I would like speak to the Wizard, please.
(Beeps)
Wizard (Linda): Hello, Candace.
Candace: Mom? You're the Wizard?
Wizard (Linda): Well, I'm a whiz at the kitchen.
Candace: This time the boys are so busted! Have you seen what they're been up to?
Wizard (Linda): Up to? Why, no. I...
(Ding!)
Oops, that's the oven. Boys, could you hand out the gifts while I check on the casserole?


Phineas: Hey, Candace.
Candace: Phineas? Ferb? But... but... but... but...
Nerdcrow (Baljeet): Does this mean I will not receive coolness?
Phineas: Well, coolness is such a rare and indefinable quality that a few people really have it. Most people wear a pair of these and fake it.
Nerdcrow (Baljeet): Hey, works for me, chili cheese.


Phineas: Yeah, don't over-sell it. (to Jeremy-Tree) So, Jeremy-Tree. You want to be a real boy instead of a tree, hmm?
Jeremy-Tree: Well, yeah, but I'll bet you don't have anything in your bag for me.
Phineas: The problem with you is, you're completely delusional.
Jeremy-Tree: I am?
Phineas: Sure. You've been a real boy all along. You're just wearing a tree costume.
Lion-Tiger-Bear Guy (Buford): He's right. There's a zipper right back here. Hey, let me get that off for you. (unzips the tree-suit)
Jeremy-Tree: (gasps) I'm free!!!... and I'm in my underwear… (Jeremy quickly covers up his underwear)
Lion-Tiger-Bear Guy (Buford): Yes. Yes, you are.

(Jeremy picks up his tree costume and walks off) Phineas: And you've come all this just to say you want nothing. Are you sure you want nothing?
Lion-Tiger-Bear Guy (Buford): Yes, I want nothing.
Phineas: Some people say they want nothing when really they want something.
Lion-Tiger-Bear Guy (Buford): Not really. I'm cool, man.
Phineas: You might want something later.
Lion-Tiger-Bear Guy (Buford): Nothing!
Phineas: You sure?
Lion-Tiger-Bear Guy (Buford): Alright! I'll take something! (grabs a sandwich from the bag) Ooo, a ham sandwich. I did want that.
Phineas: And there's one more person with a wish.
Candace: Wait a minute! If you think you could bribe me or something...
Doofenwitch Warlock: I'll get you, my pre... (falls from the ceiling)
Phineas: And here he is now.
Doofenwitch Warlock: I want...those red rubber boots!
Phineas: Sure. Candace won't mind. Right, Candace?
Candace: Well, yeah, but they won't come off.
Phineas: Ferb?
(Ferb takes out a red shoe horn)
Doofenwitch Warlock: A red rubber shoe horn? Why didn't I think of that? That's it?
Phineas: Yep. Have fun!

(Song: "My Red Rubber Boots")
Doofenwitch Warlock: Well, my wardrobe, it used to be duller,
But now I got this one splash of color.
Look!
I got red rubber boots,
and I'm gonna go steppin' tonight.
Broom me!
Yes, I can go tip-tapping all over town,
I...
(gets cut off when a house lands on him)
"Dorothy": Golly!
("Toto" barks)
Doofenwitch Warlock: Ughh, I didn't get to finish my song.

Candace: That's just great! Everybody gets what they want except me.
Wizard (Linda): I'm back. Now, what were you're saying, Candace?
Candace: Mom, you've got to bust Phineas and Ferb!
Wizard (Linda): Bust them for what?
Candace: Unicorn-pony rides, non-diary frozen treat ice cream ice skating, bouncy sidewalks.
Wizard (Linda): They sound like fun! Oh, you must have a wonderful time.
Candace: Fun? Are you kidding? I didn't have any fun! I followed the yellow sidewalk like I was told.
Wizard (Linda): Who told you to do that?
Candace: The Good Witch... in the floating eyeball.
Wizard (Linda): Oh, her. That's what she tells everybody.

The Good-Witch, Isabella: Take the yellow sidewalk. Take the yellow sidewalk. Take the yellow sidewalk.

Wizard (Linda): All this time, the boys were only try to show you the fun way to go. The joy is in the journey, you know. (winks)
Candace: So, you're telling me that I could have fun throughout this entire adventure if only I stepped off the yellow sidewalk and join my doofus brothers? Is that it?
Wizard (Linda): On the nosy. Loosen up, sweetheart. Remember to have fun along the way. Summer won't last forever.
Candace: But I want to have fun. I can do it. Really! I'm a fun person!
Wizard (Linda): Good bye, dear. Mustn't overcook my vegetables.
Candace: Wait! Don't go! I haven't had fun yet! (Starts spinning around in the pink portal from before) Hey, what's happening? No! No! I'm waking up! I don't want to! This isn’t fair! I didn’t have any fun! No! No!

(wakes up) No! No! Huh? No, it was all a dream. A crazy, wild, fantastic dream, and I blew it! ... Huh? (gasps)
Phineas: Hi, Candace. (to Perry) Oh, there you are, Perry. (to Candace) We just built a self-balancing monster unicycle. It can take us anywhere the fun way. Want to join us?
Candace: Are you kidding? When I tell Mom what you guys are up to... Did you say fun?
Ferb: Often, the most fun you can be found in your own backyard.
Candace: And the joy...is in the journey... Okay! I'm in!
Phineas: Cool!
Candace: Oh, Jeremy! Hi! Let's go!
Jeremy: More fun than taking the sidewalk, huh, Candace?
Candace: You have no idea.
Phineas: (From the back of the screen) Have fun, everybody!

End Credits

(Song: "Rusted")
Candace: I know what's wrong with you;
You're rusted!
Background singers: (Rusted!)
Candace: Don't you know that you've been oxidized?
Somebody left you in the rain too long
And now you've been immobilized
You're rusted!
Background singers: (Rusted!)
Candace: If you move, you make a squeaking sound,
That's right, you've got an orange patina
From above your neck down to the ground,
You're rusted!
Bear: Yes. Yes, I do.

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